Q: I work in an office and I am very grateful to Hashem that I have a job, However, there is one thing that is hard. My day is filled with numbers since I do accouting and it just feels so empty! There's just no ruchniyes involved at all. At the end of the day I might have finished piles of work and that might be off my head, however, it's not a real accomplishment! It doesn't feel real! I wish I can be involved with more!!! When a person teaches others or does for others it makes them feel like they really are accomplishing! When I spoke this year to girls on a shabbaton, it was just the best! I felt like I really actually did something real!
I do try to make this up, that's why at nights I go to shiurim and I go on your blog. However I still wish there could be more to my day! I do know that this is where I am supposed to be right now, and one day I might get involved with teaching, however at this point I am involved with bookkeeping.
One thing that is wonderful about my office that I don't think many offices have, is that once a month we have a speaker right around Rosh Chodesh. That is a wonderful thing that my boss is on top of this!!!
Anyways, Is it a wrong outlook that I have on my job, or should i just be happy where I am and stop having these thoughts?
A: About your job, I know exactly how you feel. I work in an office too - there isn't much spirituality, no speeches (lucky you that they give you a speech once a month!), no hebrew classes - this is life. You start off going to school and being spoon fed inspiration each day, teachers who give over lessons about the yomim tovim and many topics in Judaism. But once real life starts and you graduate, no one is there to do it for you. You have to keep yourself inspired with shiurim - which is amazing that you are able to do that - and read books/seforim on shabbos, learn with a friend on the phone or sign up for Partners in Torah so you can learn with someone who doesnt know as much as you about torah and mitzvos - all these things can help you stay inspired.
Now you are living real life - and you are not in school. Life will continue this way. Iy"h you'll build your own home and may not have time to go to shiurim all the time like you are able to do now. The important thing to realize is that you can inject spirituality even into your mundane job of bookkeeping - because through the job that you do, you are making sure that people get paid, the numbers all match up, the company does not get into trouble for any financial fraud...and this is really a big deal! If not for your job, it is possible that your entire company wouldn't be able to function! Imagine that - you are able to get the zechus of all the good that is being done to help these children!
On your way to work, remind yourself how important you are and how much your office needs you to be there to get your job done! Also know that your job in this world is to do the mitzvos - and that means bringing Hashem into your everyday life by making a kiddush Hashem wherever you go, being honest in business (for example, coming on time), making brachos when you eat during the day, remembering your bracha achrona...by doing all these things you are remembering Hashem throughout your day.
Of course it may not feel as fulfilling as standing in front of a class and teaching and maybe that is something that you'll do in the future. But for now, know that this is your job and you need to do it right - with honesty.
Try to smile at other people so you can uplift their mood and make them happy. Going through your day this way will make it not just a regular day but a special day.
Also, try to focus on doing one extra thing each day that you may not have done before. This way, when you look back at the end of your day, you'll feel good about yourself. For example, you can give someone a compliment, have extra kavanah when you say birchas hamazon after you ate lunch, do an anonymous act of kindness...there are many things you can do to inject spirituality into your day. This way, when you look back at your day, you'll feel accomplished because you did something new and different!
You can read this post about bringing Hashem into your everyday life.
Let me know what you think of this and if it helps.