Bumper Stickers

Bumper stickers on a car
What would yours be?
Bumper stickers on cars 
There for all to see.
A clever quote?
A humorous saying?
Or a picture of your cat?
That bumper sticker on your car
Tells us where you're at!

Who to vote for
Or your passion
And where you stand
On issues that are
Controversial 
Whether small or grand
Something you're proud of
A mountain you've climbed
Or a sight you've seen
Whatever you place
In that little space
Gives us a little taste
Of something that's inside
What you've done
Where you've been
Or where your passions lie

Yet I wonder why
I've never seen
A selfie or real image
Of the driver of the car
Or the passengers riding in it

A bumper sticker 
For all to see
Tells the world so much
But no one has ever
Been so brave 
To commit an act
Oh so grave
As plastering their car with
Pictures of themselves 
And I wonder...why?

We do it all the time 
I think
And I wonder
Do we think?

We may not be driving
Around in cars
But we share pictures 
That express who we are
To more people than 
We are aware
We update and post
And then we share

Would we paste that selfie
On the back of our car?
Or does that detract
From who we really are?

Profile pictures
Updated often
With pictures of our faces
I wonder how quick we'd be
If viewed beyond friends and family
And shared in public places

We may not realize 
How many people
Can view it and then share
People we'd never show 
Such pictures to
Perhaps we shouldn't dare.

So although it's not
A bumper sticker 
On our car
It might be worthwhile to think...
Is that image a reflection 
Of who we really are?
And do we want it 
To be seen 
By all-near and far?

In Style

I posted this once before and wanted to share it with you once again.

There are many challenges when it comes to dressing properly. I recently read this mashal and thought it would help those who are having a hard time choosing the right things to wear. I'm curious to hear what you think about this since it's a very touchy topic and sometimes girls are not given the proper hashkafos and direction about this special mitzvah of tznius.

Did you ever see little kids looking at their parents albums? They'll all be saying the same thing. Oh my! Look at those hairstyles, look at those clothes...That's SO odd! How could you ever wear such styles?

It's all in whose looking at it.

So now, try to picture the celestial judges looking at you in the album. Realize that those short skirts really don't look so cute anymore! The things that are so in style and trendy down here on this world are viewed in a whole different light in the next world!!

Does this change your perspective in any way? Do you think this thought can help you dress properly in the future?

It's a Boy!

I'm sitting in the hospital bed holding a precious little baby in my arms. I look at him and I see purity and perfection. Two perfect little eyes squeezed tightly shut, a teeny little nose and mouth, ears in just the right spot on the side of his face and ten teeny little fingers. So small and so perfect.

What a miracle. After nine months (and 5 and a half hours of labor), I finally got to hear..."It's a boy!"

I look at my son and wonder. How did this all come to be? A newborn baby is such a miracle. When everything goes the way it should and the baby is healthy, I cannot help but thank Hashem. There are so many little details that go into a healthy child. Everything is fine. I am so grateful. I hold him in my arms and watch him breathing...his chest moves up and down, up and down...I can look at him for hours and I wouldn't get bored.

My little baby was born on shabbos and just had his bris this past shabbos. When he got his name, it was a very emotional moment. I held back the tears while it was announced...Moshe Simcha. We chose the name Moshe after my (husband's) grandmother's brother who was killed in the holocaust and we added the name Simcha. Moshe was 10 years old when he was killed but he did have a miracle during that time. He dug himself out of a pile of dead bodies and somehow found his sister, my grandmother and they were able to spend some time together.

When a baby cries during the bris milah, it is a big eis ratzon and a time to daven. My baby certainly cried-plenty.

What is the meaning behind this mitzvah?

Jews believe that everything Hashem gave us can be used for spirituality. We elevate the food we eat by making a bracha and we enjoy different treats, nosh (and junk!) on shabbos-because shabbos is a day where we are supposed to enjoy ourselves. Even the junk food gets elevated-just by enjoying it on this special day.

Hashem gave us bodies to be used for something spiritual-marriage. When a little boy gets a bris milah, there is a message being given over-even though he is too young to understand it. Your body is holy, your body is special. His parents hope and pray, during that special time while he is crying, that he use his body for purity and that he keeps himself holy. Temptations are out there and it's easy to fall. Every Jewish boy has this as a reminder, a reminder that his body is holy...and he should know that if he saves it for marriage it will be all the more worth it.

As a girl you should know that your body is beautiful and there's a good reason why we are told to keep it covered. It's not that you're ugly, no way! You have a special beauty that no one can take away from you. When you have something beautiful, you keep it hidden. Just like a precious diamond is kept covered in a velvet case and just like a wedding gown is kept covered and protected and only taken out for when it is needed, your body is special and you aren't meant to walk around exposed and showing it off. It is meant to be saved for a special time when you are married. And if you save it and are careful now, it will be so much more exciting and so much more special when the right time comes!

So as my baby cried, I davened for him. I davened that he should be able to internalize this message and use his body for holy things only. That he should be able to hold back from all the temptations that are out there and keep himself pure.

I look at my son and all I see is an innocent little child. No aveiros, no impurities. And I just wish he could stay that way-totally and completely pure. It's a scary world out there and I can't protect him forever. But I know that he has this mitzvah to carry along with him and I hope he will keep the message with him always.

I thank Hashem for giving me a perfect, healthy little baby. He is precious, he is pure and he is mine.

Mazel tov!

Respecting Jewish Women

Thank you Talia Weisberg, creator of Bleep! for emailing this to me.

I recently heard Rabbi Yechiel Spero, a teacher at Baltimore’s Talmudic Academy and author of the popular ArtScroll series Touched by a Story, speak. I was indeed touched by the following story that he shared.

According to her children, Rebbetzin Kanievsky zt”l only got upset two times in her life. One of the times was when someone arranged for her to speak with a group of girls. These girls were very modern, and they were not dressed according to the rules of tznius. She was happy to speak with them anyway, and they met her at the shul where she davened three times a day, every day, outside of her home.

A man walked by and he saw the girls. Horrified at their mode of dress, he started yelling at them, “How dare you come into our neighborhood dressed like that! Shame on you for talking to the rebbetzin dressed like that!”

Rebbetzin Kanievsky started crying, extremely upset, and shouted at the man, “How dare you talk to them like that! You’re being mevazeh a bas Yisrael!” She ran upstairs to her husband, Rabbi Kanievsky, who she never disturbed. She cried and just kept saying, “He was mevazeh a bas Yisrael, he was mevazeh a bas Yisrael!”

I think this story adequately shows that the kavod (respect) of a Jewish woman should not ever be compromised. Whether she’s wearing a burqa or bikini, if she has a Jewish soul, she deserves the same respect. If someone on the level of Rebbetzin Kanievsky had no problem speaking to women not dressed according to tznius, then what right do the rest of us have to judge?

Another message I took from this story is this: you can see when someone is a truly great person by what makes them upset. This is what Reb. Kanievsky got angry about! It bothered her when the girls were not treated with respect. It gives you something to think about-what upsets you? What makes you really angry?

Do Clothes Make The Man?

The following post was taken from OhrShimshon.

Do clothes make the man or man make the fashion is the question often posed by the fashion cognoscenti in the secular Fashion capitals of the world; Paris, Rome, Milan, and Madison Avenue. Their answers and the “fashionable” clothes they manufacture cater to and elicit from the baser human instincts.

Le’Havdil, our Torah Hakedosha takes a different perspective. In Parshas Tetzaveh, Hashem commands Moshe: Ve’Ohsisa Bigdei Kodesh L’Aharon Oh’Cheey’choh L’Chovod U’Lesifores.

Rav Shimshon Pincus, ZT”L says that the Torah’s message on Fashion re: the singular, beautiful, and holy clothing worn by the Kohanim during their Avodas Hashem in the Bais Hamikdosh applies to all of us for we are all “Kohanim”. ‘Ve’Atem Tiyu Lee Mamleches Kohanim V’Goy Kodosh’. Each one of us, Klal Yisroel, stand and serve constantly before Hashem with our Tefilllos, Kiyum HaTorah, Mitzvos, and in our interactions with the secular society we live in.

And therefore says Rav Pincus, we are just like the Kohanim in the Beis Hamikdash, each one of us has the obligation to be clothed in “Levushei M’Yuchad”, so that we are recognized as Me’Shorsei Hashem.

What is the definition of a Jewish “Levushei M’Yuchad” asks Rav Pincus: They have three characteristics:

1. The clothes should be Tzenua-modest,

2. They must not contain Shatnez,

3. They should contain a Levush of Mitzva, i.e.; Tzitsis.

Clothes, says Rav Pincus, protects us not only from the external elements, cold, heat, etc. but also protects us internally, our Neshama from succumbing to our baser human instincts and behaviors. The proper clothing has a level of Kedusha that serves to protect us from harmful external influences.

Rav Pincus notes that the first people to wear clothes were Odom and Chava as it says: VaYa’as Hashem Elokim Le’Odom U’LeIshto Ketonos Ohr Va’Yalbeesheim”.

Rav Pincus references the Chazal in Bereishis Rabbah that notes the Milah “Ohr” (with an Eyin) is a remez for the word Ohr (Aleph-light) to indicate that one who clothes himself with clothes that are “Levush M’Yuchad” will be zocheh to be clothed and protected in and by the Ohr-Light of the Torah.

I think this is an amazing concept. We need to focus on the beauty behind the mitzvah of tznius instead of telling girls about all the things they can't do. Too short, too tight, too flashy...let's instill this in our hearts - how special we are and since we are part of a holy nation we should dress in a way that reflects who we are! We are compared to Kohanim in the Beis Hamikdosh - what could be more special than that?!

In Style

There are many challenges when it comes to dressing properly. I recently read this mashal and thought it would help those who are having a hard time choosing the right things to wear. I'm curious to hear what you think about this since it's a very touchy topic and sometimes girls are not given the proper hashkafos and direction about this special mitzvah of tznius.

Did you ever see little kids looking at their parents albums? They'll all be saying the same thing. Oh my! Look at those hairstyles, look at those clothes...That's SO odd! How could you ever wear such styles?

It's all in whose looking at it.

So now, try to picture the celestial judges looking at you in the album. Realize that those short skirts really don't look so cute anymore! The things that are so in style and trendy down here on this world are viewed in a whole different light in the next world!!

Does this change your perspective in any way? Do you think this thought can help you dress properly in the future?

DRESSED TO BE BLESSED

Dress to be Blessed

What is the dream of every Jewish girl?
To find the best chosson in the world.
Oh, how you daven day and night!
That torah should be his real delight.
Your dream can come true.
It’s all up to you.
If you are careful, with the way you dress and speak,
You can be zoche to reach the mountain's peak.
The reward for this mitzvah is so great,
Let us all stop and appreciate.
That Hashem repays one thousand times,
It is really true, it's not for the rhymes!

You will be zoche to have children who love Hashem,
And who light up the world to those around them.
They will have great middos that truly shine.
This comes from a mother who is careful all the time.
From illness and sickness you will be protected.
In addition, your heartfelt tefillos will be accepted.
Hashem will bentch you with riches and wealth,
This mitzvah will truly improve your health.

Techiyas Hameisim may seem so far away in your eyes,
But let me tell you, you'll be in for a surprise.
The sweat, from the times you covered your skin,
Hashem will pour it over your body and techiyas hameisim will begin.
Your face will have an everlasting glow,
This is something important you should know.

You will feel confident and respected,
As long as with as smile, this mitzvah you perfected.
You will feel Hashem in everything you do,

Especially, when things are confusing or hard for you.
The ultimate geula, we all are waiting for,
There is so much that Hashem has for us in store.
In whose zechus will we get to greet?
Moshiach ben David who we are longing to meet.

All these brachos sound too good to be true,
Is it possible to have them all happen to you?
You may know people who are as careful as can be,
Yet they do not get all this- it’s clear to see!
We must remember that Hashem has His plans,
Although at times we may not understand.
Even though right now you do not see the fruits of your labor,
We know for certain Hashem will save it for later.
Everything is calculated perfectly,
Whatever happens, is for your good ultimately.
We know for certain that by upgrading ourselves in this mitzvah,
We are holding in all the bracha,
We surely will be rewarded with tremendous hatzlacha!
Written by: Devoiry Saull
(Taken from Daughters of Dignity)

The Reward is So Great!

Someone requested that I post something on the topic of tznius so here goes…Let me know if this helped you out in any way and please also let me know what specific things you want to hear about because there's plenty to say!

I know that tznius is such a hard mitzvah. Of course we all know that the harder the mitzvah is, the greater the schar (we know the song by heart already!! The harder the work is to do, the more schar Hashem gives you…) but what is the schar for keeping to this mitzvah?!

One of the rewards for keeping the mitzvah of tznius is health. Another is good children. What would people give to have these things? How much money would someone pay just to restore her health? Can you put a price tag on eyes that see? On ears that hear? Can you say it’s worth 100 dollars? A thousand? A million? There’s no way to say how much health is really worth! But here – you have the key! Hashem is telling you, Do you want to be healthy?! All you have to do is keep your body covered properly!

Good children – how much would a parent give to ensure children who are good, listen to them, respect them, love them, care about them, follow the right path?! Raising children in today’s world is hard! There are a lot of things that could go wrong. If you had a promise for good children, but it took some work on your part, wouldn’t you try very hard and do anything you can for good children?! There are parents who cry themselves to sleep at night because they are pained by the things their children are doing! But here is something you can do to earn this great reward! And even if you do not have children yet, you can save up those zechusim, start now!! And another thing – you need to get married in order to have children so (this is my guess) maybe, by dressing and acting with modesty, you will also get to that stage too!!!

Chaya Sara commented about this in the last post I wrote on tznius. She said that when I was pregnant with Shalom Baruch, I made sure to be extra careful not to wear maternity clothing that was too tight. Do you know how hard that was for me?! Do you have any idea??? If you would have seen me walking down the street at that point, I don’t think you’d ever be able to guess what a challenge it was for me! Do you have any idea how many sweaters and tops I put back on the racks in stores because they were just too tight, too showy and emphasizes my growing stomach?! And it was not easy!!! It was very, very hard!!! But I kept telling myself that it’s going to be worth it. Instead of shopping in the stores that had things for much less money (and I’m talking about things that were more than half the price of the things that were more tznius), I went and spent more money on my maternity clothes.

And then I told Chaya Sara, “If someone would ask me how much I would pay to have an easy labor and good children, I would pay all the money in the world!! And here I know, that if I am dressed in the proper way, I will have good children! Who wouldn’t be extra careful?! I want my child to grow up happy, healthy, respect and love me, treat people nicely, follow the torah…all these things are included in good!! So even if it’s hard, and the styles are more attractive, it worth it for me to put those things back on the rack and pay more money for clothing that is more modest so that I know I will have good children!!!” And yes, I did have a very easy labor (compared to what people have by the first child)! Of course, it didn’t tickle lol and it’s called labor for a reason (it’s hard work!), but I was so lucky. There are people who are in labor for 12, 15, 24 hours…and my labor, from when I felt the first moment of pain until my baby was born was a total of 4 hours and 15 minutes!! That’s really something incredible for a first birth! My story is a long one, even though it wasn't that many hours, but let me tell you, it was definitely worth it when I held that precious baby in my arms and gave birth to a perfect and healthy little boy!

So keep in mind that even if it’s hard to do this mitzvah, the reward is so great!!

Please let me know if this helped you at all…

You Are a Diamond!!

The mitzvah of tznius is suuuch a special mitzvah and it’s really sad that there are so many girls who were not taught about it the right way! They were told that they cannot wear this, should not wear that, should close their button, this is too tight, this is too showy, the skirt is too short etc. and this can really turn you off! Is that all there is to this mitzvah?! Am I defined by what I wear and that’s it?! Is there anything deeper over here or is it all about what I wear?!

I would like to try to answer and explain this mitzvah because once you realize it, you will see and understand that we are so lucky to be able to be tznius! Yes, lucky!!!!
So what is this mitzvah all about?! Why is there so much emphasis on covering my body?
The explanation is really amazing (and this is not only one way to explain it – there are many other ways to explain this special mitzvah!) and it will make you feel so special about yourself.
Okay, here goes…

When something is really precious, we take great care in covering it and protecting it from the outside and we save it only for those special times when we will need it.
For example, look at the sefer torah – it is so, so precious that we are extremely careful with it, we don’t leave it on the bookshelf for everyone to see and touch! Rather, we keep it covered with a few coverings. The sefer torah actually has 4 coverings. It has an elastic clasp to tie it, a velvet mantel to cover it, it is placed in the aron kodesh and then the aron kodesh is covered with a paroches – that beautiful curtain. These four coverings correspond to the four places in a woman’s body that she covers – her legs, elbows, collar bone and (after she is married, her) hair.
Now is that all?! Certainly not!!! If a woman covers these 4 parts, does that mean she has fulfilled this mitzvah?!

Here’s a cute joke just to make you smile…
Amelia Bedilia trys to look modest…She came into a religious home on roller blades and everyone there thought she must be the worlds greatest roller blader (is that a word?!). Of course, she was wearing elbow pads and knee pads to keep her safe, right?! When they asked her if she was professional at roller blading, she answered, “No! I’m just trying to be modest! I heard that I need to cover my elbows and knees and I was never in a Jewish home before so that’s what I did!” Just to mention, she was wearing short sleeves and pants!! Covering those parts are not all there is to this mitzvah…

Another example is that a person who has a diamond will not carry it out in the open, rather, he will keep it covered in a special case and wrapped in a special cloth. You are a diamond! You are precious! You are not just any worthless 25-cent-machine-ring that a little kid puts on her finger and shows off to all her friends!! Your body is precious! Hashem made you beautiful and he wants you to save your body for the right time!!

When you have something special, you save it. Just like a beautiful wedding outfit or shabbos suit – you keep it in your closet for when you need it. The more special something is, the more careful you are with it. And then when you get to enjoy it, it is so much more special because you saved it properly! If you wore your shabbos clothing every day, it wouldn’t be special in your eyes! But the fact that you save it makes it all the more special! It’s the same thing with your body – it is special, precious and beautiful! If you save it and are careful with the way you dress, it will be that much more special and exciting when the right time comes!!!

Another thing – dressing in a way that’s modest means that you are dressing in a way that does not attract attention to your body. When a person wears clothing that emphasizes different parts of their body, they are taking away from who they really are. What does this mean?!
I want to be looked at as a person who has depth and meaning. When somebody looks at me, I want them to think, “I want to get to know that person for who she really is…” There’s more to me than my outside! I am a human being with thoughts and feelings. I am not just my body! There’s so much more to who I am!!! When I dress in the right way, I am making sure that others who see me think the same thing! I want them to want to get to know me!! When I look at my non-Jewish neighbors walking down the street in the tightest jeans ever (how did they ever put them on?! Lol), do you know what I think??? I think, "I feel so bad for her! Her whole life is revolved around her body and how she can dress in a way that will make guys look at her! Does she ever think about the fact that there is more to her than her body?! Every time she gets dressed, she probably thinks about what the guys will say! Is that all there is to life?! Is there any depth to this person?!" Okay, her body happens to be covered in a pair of jeans but looking at her makes me think of her body and nothing else!! I don’t think of her as a person, I see her as a body!!
Am I just my body? I don’t want people to look at me as a body and disregard the rest of me! There’s so much more to me! so dressing in a way that attracts attention to my body makes people look away from what’s really there – a neshama, a person with depth, personality, thoughts and feelings…

More to come soon iyh...but in the meantime, please let me know what you think about this. Thanks!

What a Great Mitzvah!

I am sooo excited to share some great things about tznius! Most important thing to know how great it is in the eyes of Hash em! (Orchos Tzaddikim pg.207 shaar hasimcha)If you do a mitzvah bec. you are excited about the mitzvah it is worth 1000 times more than a mitzva done with anger and negativity!! There aren't even 1000 days in a year to get sooo many brachos!! Do you hear the number how great it is!!! this is not made up or sarcastic its real!! So pls. open up your heart to see the awesome gift that Has hem bestowed upon us women!
Hashem created Chava from a piece of Adam and with every bone that was put onto Chava Hashem said Tehei Tznua!! Be tznius!! Why did Has hem make such a big deal? Why don't the guys have this mitzva as strong??
well lets understand when Hashem gave parts of beauty to the world Hashem divided them between men and women 9 were given to the women and 1 was given to the men!(heard from Rav Shimshon Pincus ztl)Hashem made a woman much more beautiful than a man! Take a look your hair, jewelry, makeup, perfume... come on lets face it we def. look diff. and a lot more attractive than men!
Why? Hashem wanted that Beezras Hashem when you get married your husband will find you the most special in his eyes and he won't go searching to others!! Hashem wants you to save your beauty for the right time and it will be used for great things to bring more kedusha into this world!!
This mitzva is def. one of the hardest and therefore the reward is sooo great!!
Lets think: How much do you want Hashem to watch over you and over your body??
100% every single day every min., you want to be healthy and have every part working!!
Think about it: when you are not feeling well, your whole body is out of commission and you are not in the mood of anyone...!
Well guess what!!
One of the gifts that Hashem tells us is that if we cover our body then Hashem will protect our bodies! Since when you cover your body you are incasing youself with the bracha that Hashem wants to give you!!
Here is a an incredible story to let us see how powerful it is:
Malka was on a very tight schedule. She had an appointment at 1:30 . Since she did not have time to make lunch, she decided to by some pizza by a nearby store before her appointment.
Malka remembered that even though she was in a rush she still wanted to make sure she was dressed appropriately since she knew that tznius not only will bench you with beautiful brachos from Hashem, but also it will protect your body! The next morning Malka was getting dressed to go to work and she realized that her collar bone was exposed, she decided that she would close it up. So she looked around her room for a safety pin it took longer than she expected. Malka ran out of the house in order to get some breakfast before her appointment. Panting and puffing, Malka arrived at the traffic light and looked towards the direction of the pizza shop she had intended to stop at. Bricks and rubble were cascading downward,and smoke was bellowing out of the top of the building, as people were hurriedly leaving the shop in a state of shock!
Just minutes before,the pizza shop had caught on fire and was quickly beginning to collapse. Malka stood at the corner glued to her place, as she realized that her scrupulousness in fulfilling the mitzvah of tznius had saved her life.
(adopted from Daughters of Dignity from Chana Toby)
So you see the power of such a small act of doing something for Hashem has great rewards!!
This is only the intoduction to this great mitzva!
pls. comment how this makes you feel...

Please Vote

There's a poll on the right - so go ahead and vote...and soon I'll try to write a post or two on the topic so hopefully soon we will all gain appreciation and love for this special mitzvah!!

One more thing: Can you please leave a comment letting me know which things are hard for you in this area and what the reasons are that tznius may have a negative connotation for you. I would like to address this important mitzvah and it would help me if you can point out why it's so hard for you and what affects your thoughts and feelings towards tznius.
And if you think of tznius in a positive way, please let me know why. It would be great to hear what things you heard that are inspiring in this area and keep you going!
Thanks!!

I Too Was There

The following is a letter written to Rebbetzin Jungreis in response to another letter, one that she just sent around in an email. I posted that letter once before. You can read it right here.
There is a powerful message of teshuva here - read it, be inspired, pass on the inspiration and take the message to heart!!

“I Too Was There”

Dear Rebbetzin Jungreis:

The letter that you published in your last column broke me up. When I read it, I couldn’t stop crying. It hit me in a very sensitive spot, for I too was there.

Before I relate my story, may I ask that, if you decide to publish my letter, please omit my name. I do hope that you will share my experience with your readers – If just one person learns from it, I will feel amply rewarded.

In many ways, my story is similar to that of Revital, O.H., your letter writer. I too was raised in a religious home and attended yeshivos, but despite it all, I lost my way and began to dress and conduct myself in an inappropriate manner, unbefitting a bas Yisroel. The underlying causes were different from Rervital, I was not blessed with special beauty... I did not have long, gorgeous hair. As a matter of fact, I don’t think anyone ever considered me pretty.... so that which pushed me over the edge was not that which was the undoing of Revital, although the end result was almost the same.

Revital wrote that she enjoyed people staring at her and commenting on her “exceptional beauty”. I guess that psychologists would say that my lack of good looks led me in the same direction. I too, wanted people to look at me. I too, wanted to call attention to my appearance, although, I never consciously made such a decision, nor was I ever aware that was the underlying motivation for my rebellion – It was a therapist who made that assessment and planted the thought in my mind. Maybe she was right – maybe she wasn’t, but it makes no difference. Bottom line, I lost my way. All I can say is that when I look back upon those years, I wonder what on earth I could have been thinking of. How could I have been such an idiot? How could I have been so self-destructive? How could I have caused my parents such terrible grief?

I remember the day when by mother was called by the yeshiva and told to find another school for me. My desperate parents had difficulty finding a yeshiva that would accept me. I remember seeing my mother’s tears, and yet I refused to see them. I remember hearing my father’s voice and yet, I chose not to hear him. I don’t know how I could have been so insensitive to the two people who loved me the most. My siblings were mortified. My sister, who was up for a shidduch was terrified that, because of me, she would never receive any recommendations. There was constant tension in the house, and with each passing day, I grew more and more obdurate.

Then, one summer day, I had a most agonizing wake-up call. My sister, that beautiful, pure soul, who was hoping to find a shidduch, was in a terrible car accident. Her life was hanging by a thread. Our entire family was destroyed. How could such a tragedy befall a girl who was such a perfect embodiment of chesed, so totally devoted to Torah and mitzvos? I felt responsible....surely, I thought, it must be because of me!

But then I thought, why would Hashem punish my wonderful sister because of my sins? It didn’t make sense. “Don’t go on a guilt trip,” I told myself. Still, the feeling that I was somehow responsible kept gnawing at my heart. I tried to rationalize my emotions. “Don’t get carried away....don’t lose it,” I said to myself. I wanted to daven for my sister, but I felt hypocritical taking a siddur in my hand. I had given up davening a long time ago, so I continued along my old path, dressing and behaving as I always did, and yet, the feeling that somehow, it was all my fault, gave me no peace. I couldn’t stand seeing my parents’ suffering; I couldn’t bear seeing my bubbie crying day and night, and while no one said anything to me, I felt that they were all pointing a finger at me and blaming me.

My sister had to undergo several surgical procedures which were followed by rehab. One day, while visiting her at the rehab center, she asked to speak to me privately. With tears running down her beautiful cheeks, she asked me to do her a favor. “If you will do tshuva,” she said, “if you will give up all this craziness, if you will daven for me, in that merit, Hashem will grant me a refuah shleima. Please,” she pleaded. “Do it for me!”

I felt resentful and angry. Why was I being blamed? Was my sister suggesting that it was my fault that she had this accident? “That’s ridiculous,” I told myself. “She’s trying to lay a guilt trip on me....I’m not going to listen! I felt myself hardening and rejecting her pleas and continued my old ways. But I felt more and more troubled. My life became suffocating. What only yesterday I had regarded as “fun” and “exciting” became ugly and oppressive. I felt repelled by the “craziness” that was reflective of my life style, but I also felt that I had traveled too far and it was too late to come home.

Then, someone gave me your book. “Life Is A Test”. Actually, it was given to me so that I might give it to my sister, who was making slow, painful progress. I thumbed through the pages and came upon the story of Nikki - Nechama, whose experience was, in many ways, similar to my own. I read her story and I couldn’t stop crying.

You probably won’t remember, but I e-mailed you at that time and asked how I could start on the long journey home, never expecting you to reply. But I received an answer immediately, and you wrote something that I will never forget — something that I found life-transforming. You related the story of a man who, even as I, wanted to discover the path that would lead him home. He consulted a Rebbe and asked, “How far is the path of tshuva?”

The Rebbe gazed at him quizzically and replied, “As far as east is from west.”

“So far!” the man cried out in dismay.

“No,” the Rebbe answered calmly – so near. You just have to make one turn in the right direction and if you do that, Hashem will take your hand and show you the way.”

I ran to the hospital -- I shared your e-mail with my sister. We hugged and cried and discussed how I would make that turn, and Baruch Hashem, I did!

It’s now three years later. Baruch Hashem, my sister recovered and was married just a few weeks ago, and I am on my way. I am engaged to an amazing man who understands where I was and appreciates how I came back B’ezrat Hashem, I will be married after Succoth. I will be sending you an invitation and hope that you will come, even if it’s just to the chuppah. It would mean so much to all of us.

I write this letter, not only to share my story, which, Baruch Hashem, has a happy ending, unlike that of Revital, but also because there is a question that keeps bothering me...”Why did my poor sister have to suffer because of me? It’s so unfair!

Mind you, I’m not, chas v’shalom, questioning G-d’s justice, but still, I don’t understand why someone so innocent and pure should have had to pay for my sins? If you could shed some light on this, I would be most grateful.

In gratitude, wishing you a K’siva V’Chasima Tova

I will bl"n try to post the answer to this letter once Rebbetzin Jungreis responds.

A Powerful Letter

My Dear Sisters,

I am writing to you in my last moments, with the last threads of my strength. I am writing to you with blood and tears, from the bottom of my broken and tormented heart.
Yes, I, Revital Avraham, 19 years old, am standing on the threshold of death, so young, but already feeling all the gates of life shutting slowly before me. I am like a beautiful flower closing its petals.
Like all o f you, I had my dreams about love, husband, children and social position. But Hashem has decided otherwise, and I know today that if I had lived differently, nothing would have happened.
I was born in a religious family from the center of Israel. From the day I can remember, I knew I was a beautiful child. From kindergarten, I attracted everybody's attention, and I knew I had been blessed with a rare beauty, and I am not exaggerating. Even though people were talking my exceptional beauty, my dear and wise parents tried to minimize the effect of such a gift on me, and made all possible efforts to put the whole family on daily routine.
But I was a bright child, and I cherished more and more my beauty.My friends encouragements made me understand that beauty can buy anything in this world - friendship, position and honor. I learned to exploit it for my goals, I wore clothes which draw attention, my very long hair caused astonishment and envy, and every detail in my appearance was thoroughly taken care of.
I enjoyed the long looks of people everywhere I went - to my deep regret. My teachers in high school tried to change my mind, but it was already too late - I was attracted to a magic circle called "to please and be outstanding".
I can remember one of my teachers' words: "Revital, you have received a rare present, a special beauty - This is your trial in life, keep it carefully for the right person to come in your life". I was pretending to be convinced, but these words were just passing by my ears.
I was addicted to my looks and did everything to bring people to admiration. I know today that I have caused hundreds or even thousands of people to fail because of my clothing. I was really enjoying it!
And then I received a first warning sign. One evening, while preparing an omelet in the kitchen, and made a brisk turn and my beautiful long hair got caught in the fire and became in seconds a red and fearful flame. I was saved, but my hair had gone. I remember my hysterical crying in the hospital, and my father trying to console me: "Revital, Hashem has made a miracle. You could have been entirely burnt! You have now an opportunity to change and leave your foolish attitude behind you".
But I didn't listen. I was 16 years old then, and within two years my hair grew back to what it was, and everything was forgotten.
I was the queen of my class. My friends loved me, anything I wanted was granted, and I never was alone. I grew more and more beautiful with the years, and at 16, I began to put on make-up and tight clothes. At this stage, I even got involved in some trouble. It is hard for me to write about it, but I think you can guess.
I forgot to tell you about my grand-mother. She was a wonderful person, a real "Tzadekes" and I loved her very much. She was very sad and upset about my spiritual state of mind.She was giving some money to buy more decent clothes, but nothing helped! She died before I was 17. I cried a lot and didn't know how to live without her, and for a brief period, I even became a little bit more religious.
But time eased the pain, and within a few months I was back to my bad habits, boastful and immodest as ever.
And then I received a second sign from above. One night I had a dream about my grand-mother. She wa s sitting on a stone and crying. I asked her why she was crying, and she pointed to her head without saying a word. I woke up very upset, but I forgot the whole thing very quickly, and this second sign melted away without any thought.
And then, I received the big blow. It came gradually but consistently. At the beginning, there were headaches, and my mother said I was tired and studying too much, that I should rest more, but deep down I felt it was something more serious. After a month, I couldn't even stand because of the headaches, and I thought my head was going to explode.
My mother and I were worried and anxious on our way to the doctor, to get the answers to all the examinations and analyses I had been through, but the doctor's face revealed the fearful truth. He said: "such a beautiful girl and so sick!"
I burst into tears, asked for explanations. My mother and I were disoriented and helpless before this new and cruel reality: I had a cancerous tumor in my head. It was only a question of time.
I don't remember how we got home that day. I just remember tears, fear, confusion and pain.
And suddenly I remembered the dream, my grandmother crying and pointing to her head! If only I had understood at the time the meaning of that dream, my life would have different! But I didn't give any importance to this dream and went on with my life.
The next day, at the hospital, I began the treatment I never thought would be so painful. I felt death crawling slowly inside me, burning my bones, my blood, and my whole self.
Dear Hashem…You are all goodness, but I didn't listen to you. Dear Father, I ignored your compassion and your messages.
The rest of my story is sad and painful, and I don't even have the strength to write it. My wonderful hair fell. Within a few months I was left completely bald, fearfully pale and weak. Every doctor I met was mentioning my rare beauty, and I, every time, felt my heart break a little bit more. Hashem had given me a precious gift, an outstanding beauty, and I had used it the wrong way, instead of keeping it intact and pure for a true cause.
Oh Hashem!Today I am 19 years old, living a tormented life. My days are counted, my illness is getting stronger and I feel death coming closer. I pray that my suffering be the atonement for my sins. I turn to you, my dear sisters, with a torn soul and a broken heart, and ask you to listen to my last words: be decent. There is Law and there is a Judge. And He sees all and knows all…and every one of our acts will be brought to judgment. I beg you: strengthen your decency, don't wait for signs, please don't…Do it for yourselves, do it for me!
My pillow is soaked with tears. I am writing with tremendous efforts. Please pray for me and say that you'll keep decent so that I recover and be healthy again.
I beg you… I want to live.
Revital Avraham
P.S. Revital died a short time after writing this letter. Her last will was a request to publish it. Shall her memory be blessed and her message embraced by all!