Thirteen Years

It's been thirteen years since I wrote this post. Thirteen years since the day my older brother Mordechai and his wife became parents to their (second) son on the day of my brother Shalom's yartzeit.

We held our breath for eight days until we heard the name they chose for this baby. They named him Shalom Baruch after the uncle he would never know. What a comforting feeling to know that someone would carry on the name of our brother was niftar at 15, before he was old enough to get married and have children of his own.

He wasnt the first to be named after Shalom a"h. My own son was born a little more than two months before and was given the same name. But he was the first and only boy to be born on the day his namesake was niftar.

Thirteen years.

I think about how much has happened in this little boy's life. Little milestones. Smiling, rolling over, crawling, baby teeth, waking, talking...

Other, more significant milestones. His upsherin. His first siddur. His first chumash. His first gemara.

And now...his bar mitzvah.

There's so much that happens in the first thirteen years of a child's life.

The second thirteen years are also pretty life changing.

Reaching the milestone of teenage hood and label of teenager. (I hope those years will be smooth for him!)

Growing up, maturing, learning and expanding-on the inside and outside. In ways that are visible and ways no one can see or know.

There's the possibility of marriage and the hope of starting a family too.

There's so much growth and change that happens in the next thirteen years of a child's life. It's the years they slowly transform from child to adult.

But what happens after that? What happens in the thirteen years that follow?

How much change actually happens then?

Am I stuck in my ways?

Am I changing and growing, learning and developing, stretching my muscles to do things that are hard for me?

Am I open to change the patterns I know need to change?

Are you?

As long as we are alive, we can. We have the time at this very moment to switch gears. To do something different. To make a move.

If we want to change patterns, if we want to look back in thirteen years from now and be proud of the person looking back at us in the mirror, we need to take a step, any small step, in the direction of change.

Find a book on the topic that you struggle most with.
Look for a lecture.
Commit to finding a therapist that can help you.
Ask a friend, "What is most annoying about me?"
Ask a family member, "If I could change one thing, what would you want it to be?"

Be brave.
Be bold.
Be courageous.
Be daring.
Be the change you want to see in your life by taking a step to change.
Do it now.

May it be a zechus for Shalom ben Chaim Nosson whose 17th yartzeit is today. 

To read the story behind Shalom's tragic and sudden death, click here. 

Parshas Devarim

Moshe Rabbeinu speaks to the Jewish Nation before he dies. He spends five weeks telling them all the things they will need to hear before their new leader, Yehoshuah, will take over.

While we don't like to think about death, all of us will one day leave this world. While we are still alive, we can think about what kind of messages we are leaving for those around us by the things we spend time doing, the way we act and the words we say. The interactions we have with others really do leave a memorable, lasting impact on our friends and family. 

May we be able to utilize our time while we are still alive to impact those around us in positive ways and act as a role model for spiritual growth to all those we come in contact with!

Parshas Beha'aloscha

Parshas Beha'aloscha ends with Miriam getting tzora'as. While the entire nation waited for Miriam, her brother Moshe davened. What was his tefillah? 6 words. Ana Kel Na, Refah Na La-Please Hashem, heal her. He davened a short tefillah because so many people were waiting. 

We learn from this that tefillah, chessed and spiritual growth are important but should not be done at the expense of other people. Yes, it's nice to take on extra levels in our yiddishkeit, but we need to be considerate of those around us and make sure our growth isn't causing others discomfort. And while chessed is a big mitzvah, we need to make sure our own families aren't losing out because of it.

May we be able to find the right balance when we are growing and doing good, so we are happy and those closest to us are happy as well!

Parshas Metzorah

If someome got tzora'as on the walls of their home and they ignored it, it spread to their clothing and then to their skin. It didn't go away until they dealt with it by approaching the Kohen and taking the steps to get rid of it.

When we try to sweep issues under the rug, they don't go away. They continue to spread further until we are forced to face them and deal with them. It takes strength to acknowledge when something is wrong and courage to do what it takes to fix our problems. But then we get to a place of healing and we can put our past behind us, growing and changing into better people.

May we be able to look at our lives with honesty, and have all the strength we need to make positive changes so we can heal, improve and look forward to a better future!

Parshas Beshalach

When the sea split, Bnei Yisroel didn't go across the sea to get to the other side, they went into the Yam Suf and then came out on the exact same side that they went in. Even though that seems pointless, they gained so much from the process of seeing the miracles and experiencing the unity of the nation being saved together.

Whether the waters of our lives are stormy or calm, there IS a purpose to every step we take. It's through the challenges that we become greater people. We may feel like we're going to end up exactly where we started, but at the end, the process called life makes us into stronger, more sensitive, more giving and more growing people.

May we be able to stay strong while we go through life's challenges and use our experiences to help other people!

One Soul

Too much pain
Hurts my brain
Can wrap my head around it
Hurts my heart
I can't start
To imagine it
For those closest to it
A young couple
Engaged to be wed
And instead
Boom
They're dead
How??
How does Hashem allow
Such pain
To remain
To exist 
In this world
Our imperfect world
Our confusing world
Our painful world
In His world
In His book
This all looks
Perfect
How??
How can we understand 
We can't
Make sense
Of something
That doesn't make
Any sense.
A young bride
Smile so wide
Stands beside
Her new partner
Her partner in life
And now in death
They met their end
Right at the beginning 
Of their new life
No chance to be
Husband and wife
No chance to prove
All the wonderful things
They started to know
About each other.
Shidduchim
So complex
So deep
So full
Research
Say yes
Go out
Another yes
And now?
A slap
A no
No
You will not go
The way of most
Brides and grooms
You're escorted to
A different room
To a place where
Neshamos go
Because Hashem knows
That your neshamos glow
Brighter than
The smiles you wore
While you were so sure
Of your wonderful life
Ahead of you
Hashem took you
Away
From your families
Together
Your neshamos were bound
In this world
Two halves
Of one whole
Ready to become
One soul
Now you're one
One with Hashem 
One with each other
One with
Your other brother
The one who
Just two
Years ago
Also
Left this world.
Do all these neshamos 
Hang out together?
Do all of them
Watch us
Cry and remember?
Do all of them have 
The clarity we seek
Oh how I wish
I could have a little peek
A touch of understanding
A hint of clarity
A piece of that light
To illuminate this night
(And a chunk of time
With someone up there
That could stretch til eternity
So we could just share...)
But I am stuck here
Alone and confused
With nothing to gain
And so much to lose
If I just wallow and cry
And continue to ask why
I need to do more than just sigh 
I need to use that why
To propel me to go
To move
And to grow
To higher places
To better places
I wish I could know
Where I am meant to go
In which direction to grow
Where to direct all this pain
So something will be gained
To know what to change
Yet I am left in the dark
I can only do my small part
In trying to fix
Myself
To take this pain
So it won't be in vain
But 
We are stuck
In galus
Without clarity
Or prophets
To help us
To tell us
To explain to us
The true meaning 
Behind each happening
So I will pray
For the day
When we will have
All that
And more
Clarity
Closeness
Connection 
With the One Above
And the ones we love
Hashem...?
Can you strengthen me?
Can you strengthen all of us?
Until that day?

Tzom Gedalia

Tzom Gedalia

Even though the fast is over, we can still reflect on the message of this day. We fast because Gedalia, a big tzaddik, was killed by another Jew which ultimately led to all the Jews leaving EY. This was like a nail in the coffin; not only was Hashem's home destroyed, but His land was now empty.

One thing we learn is not to be overly righteous. Gedalia didn't accept the "lashon hara" he was told about Yishmael who planned to kill him. Had he done proper research, maybe he could have prevented the planned assassination. 

At this time of the year, when we take things upon ourselves and try to better ourselves, let's remember not to overdo it. Yes, we should always strive higher, but not at the expense of other people. Not if it will cause us to look away from things that are important. 

May you be able to take the right steps to change, with the right balance and with a lasting impact!

Winter-A Poem

I wrote this a year ago and can appreciate the message even more as I continue to live and experience the truth of what I wrote. May you all be able to see growth and change as you go through the seasons of the year and the seasons of life.

Winter's here
Trees are bare
'cept for some snow
Who would know
What's going on beneath the ground
Under the snow covered mound
Of dirt
Of grass
Of concrete for some
So much
Going on
Beneath the surface
So much
Happening
Underground
But we can't see it.
Just because we can't see it
Doesn't mean it isn't happening
So much growth
So much change
Down there
Even though
Up here
The trees remain bare
The plants aren't there
No flowers to behold
Just emptiness.
But then...
Spring comes!
The sun begins to shine
The leaves begin to rustle
The plants
And fruit
And flowers
Begin to blossom
To grow
To add color
And light
Make bright
Our days
Our time
Outdoors
How?
How did that all happen?
So quickly
Seemingly
It's because
When we couldn't see
Beneath the surface
So much was happening
Underneath the surface
We just don't have
The vision
To see it.
Life brings with it
Many seasons
And during the winter
When things are hard
Dark
And cold
Harsh
Difficult
Sometimes seemingly
Unbearable
We must remember
We must internalize
We must believe
That there is something
Something very deep
Something very profound
Going on
Beneath the surface
It's so big
Yet so tiny
So...precious
Yet so hard to grasp
That we cannot even see it
We cannot even notice it
During the harsh winter
But then...
When Spring arrives
It's suddenly so clear!
It's so...there!
You can't even miss it if you tried
It stares you in the face
The growth
The change
The color
The depth
The newness
It's a whole different creation
WE become different
WE become new
WE change
WE grow
With a depth
With a maturity
With a resilience
With strength
With character
All because of
The winter
All because of
The darkness
All because of
The hard times
When we couldn't see
We were in so much pain
We couldn't even notice
The tiny changes
But once they happened
Little changes grew
Little steps became a staircase
Climbing up
Reaching up
Forever higher.
All during the cold, harsh winter
When Spring arrives
We can finally see
The beauty
The color
Of our blossoming character.
Stay strong.
Hold on through the cold.
Hold on when it's dark.
Hold on when it's so tough.
You will grow.
You will blossom.
You will change.
And when the Spring comes
You'll finally
Be able
To see it
Yourself.

Always A Plan

We all want to understand. We want answers. Yet, things are not always so clear.

Some days, things go the way we want them to. Little annoyances crop up, but we deal with them.

Other times, things don't go the way we'd like. We turn to Hashem and ask, "Why?" Sometimes it is easy to remember Hashem when He is making things difficult for us. Challenges remind us that He is in charge.

Yet, we don't understand.

What to do? 

How do we get through challenges, both big and small?

One thing that helps me through tough times is reminding myself that Hashem has a plan. There is a reason why I have to have this specific inconvenience. There's a reason why I have to deal with this frustration at this time. There is a reason for the big stuff too. Hashem knows why. I don't. 

There's something comforting in that thought. It helps to know that the One Who created me decided that at this moment, I should be in this place, going through this experience. There's a reason. This is exactly where I am meant to be.

Even if I don't understand. Even if it doesn't make sense. Even if I wish things were different. Hashem knows why. 

And...He put me here for my own good. There is some way that I can benefit from this specific situation. Maybe I can work on a certain character flaw, maybe I need to learn something deeper, maybe I need to be knocked down so I can climb up. Maybe I need to need so I can learn to give when my cup is full. Maybe I need to feel this feeling so I can become more caring towards others. Maybe this is an atonement for things I did that I don't remember but G-d above doesn't forget.

I don't know Hashem's reasons. But I know He has a reason for each and every thing He puts me through. 

The same God who watches over every insect and animal is watching over me. The same One who makes the rain fall and the trees grow, the same One who keeps my heart pumping and my body functioning, the One who gives me koach when I need it most, He is the God who plans my life. And if I believe that there is a purpose to the existence of every creature He put into this world, I believe that I have a purpose too. 

I may not discover it just yet. But I know that every step of my life is leading me towards that purpose. 

May we all be able to live our lives with meaning and strengthen our trust in Hashem so we can achieve true, inner happiness.

Tzom Gedalia

Here's a short thought and a practical lesson we can take from today's fast day.

We fasted because the tzaddik Gedalia was killed on this day. He was warned beforehand that someone was planning to kill him but he didn't believe the Lashon Hara nor did he investigate to see if there was any truth to it. 

We learn from here that there are times to ask questions, to see if something negative we heard is true-in order to protect ourselves. We can't have an "absolutely no Lashon Hara"  policy. 

Extremes are not good; everything must be done in moderation. 

Maybe this day comes right after Rosh Hashana, when we start to accept new changes upon ourselves so we can be aware: STOP! Don't take too much upon yourself. Do good, make changes, but don't go to crazy extremes or you may end up hurt in the end!

Have a meaningful next few days of slow, gradual changes!

Winter-A Poem

Winter's here
Trees are bare
'cept for some snow
Who would know
What's going on beneath the ground
Under the snow covered mound
Of dirt
Of grass
Of concrete for some
So much
Going on
Beneath the surface
So much
Happening
Underground
But we can't see it.
Just because we can't see it
Doesn't mean it isn't happening
So much growth
So much change
Down there
Even though
Up here
The trees remain bare
The plants aren't there
No flowers to behold
Just emptiness.
But then...
Spring comes!
The sun begins to shine
The leaves begin to rustle
The plants
And fruit
And flowers
Begin to blossom
To grow
To add color
And light
Make bright
Our days
Our time
Outdoors
How?
How did that all happen?
So quickly
Seemingly
It's because
When we couldn't see
Beneath the surface
So much was happening
Underneath the surface
We just don't have
The vision
To see it.
Life brings with it
Many seasons
And during the winter
When things are hard
Dark
And cold
Harsh
Difficult
Sometimes seemingly
Unbearable
We must remember
We must internalize
We must believe
That there is something
Something very deep
Something very profound
Going on
Beneath the surface
It's so big
Yet so tiny
So...precious
Yet so hard to grasp
That we cannot even see it
We cannot even notice it
During the harsh winter
But then...
When Spring arrives
It's suddenly so clear!
It's so...there!
You can't even miss it if you tried
It stares you in the face
The growth
The change
The color
The depth
The newness
It's a whole different creation
WE become different
WE become new
WE change
WE grow
With a depth
With a maturity
With a resilience
With strength
With character
All because of
The winter
All because of
The darkness
All because of
The hard times
When we couldn't see
We were in so much pain
We couldn't even notice
The tiny changes
But once they happened
Little changes grew
Little steps became a staircase
Climbing up
Reaching up
Forever higher.
All during the cold, harsh winter
When Spring arrives
We can finally see
The beauty
The color
Of our blossoming character.
Stay strong.
Hold on through the cold.
Hold on when it's dark.
Hold on when it's so tough.
You will grow.
You will blossom.
You will change.
And when the Spring comes
You'll finally
Be able
To see it
Yourself.

Trampoline

Keep on moving
Keep on going
Keep the pace
No matter what
Sometimes you feel tired
Sometimes you feel drained
But you have to keep going
That is what they say
Don't stop
Don't drop
You can hop
If you must
If you can't
Keep jumping
But keep pumping
Heart thumping
Even if your bumping
Feeling lost.

This is Life
You can't stop
Ever.
Even if
You feel a drop
Don't stop
Keep going
Because...
There is a purpose
A reason 
For
The drop
When you go down
When you fall
Just know
That your fall
Can be the reason for
Your biggest jump
You'll move up
And get to places
You never could have gotten to
Without that fall
Not at all
You may have stayed
In a nice, cozy place
With a smile on your face
Moving at a steady pace
But...
Now that you fell
Only you can tell
How much you will swell
Inside
How much higher you can reach
How much you will be able to teach
Others
About Life
Because of your Life.
Because of how you changed
From your fall
It's precisely because
You fell that low
It's precisely because
Now you know
How far you can go
And how much you can do
Become a better you
Those challenges,
Those falls,
Those valleys
Will help you reach
Will help you climb
Mountains
Until you reach
Your summit
Your high point.

It's like...
A trampoline
You need to bounce down
In order to rise up
That much higher.
The stronger your bounce
The deeper your fall,
The higher you jump
The further you go.
If you take a little walk
Around the trampoline
You won't reach great heights
No, you'll stay where you are.
The ones who leap
The ones who are brave
Who let themselves bounce
Who are aware of their falls
Will be the ones
Who will get high
Only because
They went down so deep
Only because
They fell that low.
The fall is the cause
It's what makes them
It's what enables them
To jump so high.

Sefira is the time
When we are meant to grow
When we are meant to go
Higher
Every day
Klal Yisroel rose
To a very high level
By falling
By stumbling
By landing
So low
And then climbing
Ever so slowly
Inching their way up
To the top of the mountain.
It's because they were in mitzrayim
It's because they were so low
That they were able to go
That they were able to grow
That they were able to reach
Such high heights.
They fell
And...
They climbed
They were at the bottom
At the very rock bottom
Of the spiritual staircase
But they did it
They persevered
They rose
They climbed
Day by day
Slowly
Slowly
Slowly
Until they were ready
To receive the greatest gift
The Torah.
The gift that teaches
How to be the best person
How to climb
How to achieve
How to improve
How to live
Life.

Life...
Is about
Rising when we fall
But we must fall
In order to rise
It may come as a surprise
But those who fall
Can become even greater
Than those who never fell.
Those who are tested
Those who go through challenges
And come out of them
Stronger
Better
Ready to move on
Ready to keep climbing
Ready to help others climb
They are 
Champions
Of this Life.

So keep on jumping
Keep on pumping
Keep on going
Keep on rolling
Keep on hopping
But no, no stopping
And if you fall
When you fall
Don't despair
Just remember
You'll get better
You'll improve
You will not lose
And it will be worth it
Worth the fall
Worth the sweat
Worth the tears
Worth the years
Of work
Because one day
You will look back
Look back and see
How that fall
Brought you so much higher.
And that
That is the purpose
Of Life.

After Succos

Succos-it’s over

It passed

But it shouldn’t really be over

It should be something that passes us by

It should be something

Something we internalize

Something we grow from

So many special days

So many days of connection

Of family time

Of shul time (for some)

Of home time (for others)

Of taking care of kids (for me!)

Of enjoying our families

But somewhere in middle of those days

Did some inspiration creep in?

Are we closer to Hashem now?

Did we learn to rely on Him more

Did the sukkah teach us

Just how dependent we are on Him?

Did we breathe in the cool (warm) air

While we were outside?

And let the emunah seep into our bones

While we felt the wind blowing softly?

While we felt the sun shining down on us?

Felt Hashem’s love

Felt Him taking care of us?

Did we let the hashpa’os of succos

Enter our souls?

Are we more connected now?

Are we more aware now?

Of how much He does for us?

How much we need Him in our lives?

Of how we want to be better?

Different, maybe?

So many days

Yamim Nora’im

Awesome days

Days of closeness-perhaps

Days of connection-hopefully

Days of introspection-sometimes

Busy days-for sure

What do we come out with

When we are done?

There’s a lot more to Simchas Torah

Than dancing just for fun

(Or watching the men run

Round and round

Clapping to the happy sounds)

Torah-it’s our life

It’s the way we want to live

It’s the goals we aspire to

And so, so much more

(No way to fit it here

That’s for sure!)

Watching people who immerse themselves

In our holy books

Their faces look

So happy

So shining

So joyful

Knowing-

That living a life of Torah

Following our Torah

Brings so much joy

(And sometimes pain)

Yet there’s so much to gain

When we follow the right way.

May we all be able to

Internalize

These messages

Grow from these days

Instead of just letting these days pass

Like a thing of the past

We made it through

Yes we did it-

Three 3-day yomim tovim

It may have been tough

We may have thought-enough!

Enough food

Enough noise

Enough messes

Enough toys

But…

There is something special to take

From these days

And if we take something special

For ourselves

In our hearts

Change

From these days

We will know

We did

What we were supposed to

We grew

And that’s what we’re here for.

Growth.

Always.

Every day.

At every moment in our lives.

May this year be filled

With many opportunities for growth.

Keep climbing!