Traffic

I posted this before and wanted to share the message with you again. This article has since been published but for those who have never read it and even for those who have seen it before, reading it again will give you chizuk.

Have you ever sat in bumper to bumper traffic on a highway, watching the cars on the other side breeze past you? They're all driving so fast while you're stuck waiting for the car ahead of you to move up a bit...

You wish you were on the other side too, moving quickly like all those lucky cars. But you know that there is no use in wishing, no point in being jealous. Because if you'd be on the other side, you wouldn't reach your destination. You just took a big trip and you want to get back home. For you, that is the wrong side of the highway; taking it would bring you right back where you came from. And that's not exactly where you want to go.

Life.

Life has been compared to many different thing by many bright and intellectual people.

This time, I'm using the comparison of the highway of life.

Sometimes in life, you wish you could take the easier, faster route. You wish it wouldn't take so long for the changes you want to just...happen.

You're waiting, hoping (and hopefully praying) for your yeshuah to come.

But you feel like you are sitting in traffic...and nothing is moving, nothing is changing.

You don't see any progress.

From time to time, the car ahead of you moves, just a few inches or maybe a few feet.

But then you're stuck again...stuck in the traffic on your highway of life.

You look to the other side of the road and you see so many cars, zooming by...and you eye them with a twinge of jealousy. You wish you could also go for a smooth, quick ride and arrive at your destination. But you know, deep down, that if you were to travel on the other side of the road, you would not reach the place you hope for.

But...that doesn't stop you from looking at those cars, those people, with a wishful eye, a feeling of yearning in your heart.

Eventually, there will be a point where the traffic will clear. You will make it through this challenge, as long as you keep driving, as long as you keep moving...and as long as you never give up hope.

You will get to where you want to. You will reach your destination. Keep your eyes on the goal, even as you continue to be human and glance at the other side of the highway from time to time.

Keep hoping for that clear path, when the obstacles that have been in your way are removed and you could zoom forward...and achieve that which you have been waiting for. Lift your eyes to the heavens and daven. Daven to Hashem to help you make it through your traffic jam intact, and become a better person, a stronger person.

May you be able to go through the highway of your life with the right attitude, knowing that no matter what kind of traffic jam you are stuck in, Hashem will clear the road for you one day...and you will get what you have been waiting for!

Kabballos and Segulos

While my (husband's) grandfather was sick, I took something really small upon myself as a zechus for his refuah shelaima. The situation did not look good and from a medical standpoint there was nothing left to do. The doctors gave him six months to a year to live and all that was left to do was to pray. And pray we did. 

Kabballos. It's an interesting thing. Why do we take things upon ourselves as a zechus for ourselves or other people? Why do we do it?

I knew why I was doing it. Yes, I was doing it as a zechus for my grandfather's refuah...so that he should get better and outlive the doctors prediction. But what would happen if that was not meant to be? What if Hashem had other plans?

When we take something upon ourselves for a specific reason, as a zechus for a specific thing and then we do not get what we wanted, we are in big danger. We are playing around with something very serious-our emunah in Hashem.

Do we believe that when we do something good and ask Hashem for something in return, he will definitely give it to us? If He does not give it to us-be it acceptance into a specific school, camp or seminary, the job or shidduch we want within the time frame that we ask for it, or a yeshuah in a personal matter-will we stop believing in Him or in the power of our good deeds?

That can be very dangerous. 

We don't understand Hashem's ways. We don't understand why He says yes sometimes and no at other times. Why is it that sometimes when someone does a segulah (warning: hazardous word!) or a specific good deed as a zechus for something they want, does it sometimes work and sometimes it does not?

Why?

First, it is not meant to "work". This is not a business deal. Hashem does not operate the way a vending machine operates. Put in a coin, press a button and get what you want. 

Is that what we are here for? To try to manipulate Hashem into giving us whatever we desire?

Of course not.

We are here to work on ourselves. To become better, more giving, caring people. People who follow the Torah, do the mitzvos and keep the halachos we are meant to keep. 

So when we take something upon ourselves, we need to remember WHY we are doing it. We are saying more tehillim so we can connect to Hashem more. We are giving tzeddakah so we can become more caring, sensitive and benevolent people. We learn more halachos so we can start to keep them. We say brachos properly and slowly so we can increase our appreciation to Hashem for the good that He gives us. 

If Hashem chooses to give us more good after we did something extra, kol hakavod. That's wonderful. But that's not why we should be taking these good things upon ourselves. That shouldn't be the goal.

Why not?

Because what happens when we do not get it? What happens when Hashem has other plans? 

We loose faith in the whole system. The system that we set up for ourselves that is not real, that is not true.

I'm sure there are people who can go on and on with stories of tried and true segulos...things that they say "worked". And guess what? For all those stories, I am sure that there are stories of segulos-those same ones-that people did...and did not "work". I know plenty of them. For whatever reason, Hashem did not send that yeshuah, did not send that shidduch, give that couple a child, cure that sick person...and either it had to wait or it didn't happen at all.

My grandfather passed away on Friday. 

When I took that teeny thing upon myself, something I knew was doable yet would take work and constant concentration and focus on my part, I don't think I thought about the end result. If he would make it or not. I just wanted his life to be prolonged, for him not to feel pain...for him to be healed. I knew I was asking for a miracle. And I knew that Hashem could do anything. 

But...now that it's over, will I stop? Will I be angry at Hashem for not giving me what I wanted? Do I have any regrets for taking something not-so-easy upon myself?

No way.

And I will continue doing what I've been doing. I will not stop. It will be a zechus for his neshama to go higher...and it will also have an affect on me. I will become a little different by keeping at it. 

If this kabballah helps me be different, follow one halacha the way it was meant to be done, increase my awareness of Hashem in my life in just a small way, it was worth it. I have no regrets for doing something and not getting what I wanted. Of course, I wish he would be healed, I wish my grandfather could come back to life and we'd have more time to spend together...but that part is in Hashem's hands. 

I needed to do mine. 

And I did.

Without expectations.

And I will not stop.

Hashem gives, Hashem takes...yehi sheim Hashem mevorach. May Hashem's name be blessed. 

May this post be a zechus for the neshama of David ben Aharon a"h to go higher. May you continue to look down at us with pride and may the mitzvos we do every day elevate your soul.

Baby Steps

Focus on the goal, they say.

Keep moving, even if you're taking tiny steps, is what you hear.

In life, sometimes it's hard to stay focused.

Sometimes, the goal seems so far away, so out of reach. It feels...almost frightening to look ahead. To think ahead.

We wonder...what will be?

What does Hashem have in store?

At times like these, it may be helpful to shift your focus. Instead of focusing on the goal, you need to take some time to be present.

Celebrate your little accomplishments.

Focus on the baby steps you are taking. Teeny tiny baby steps that will take you...ever so slowly...to the place you are hoping to reach.

Because, Hashem is guiding you. He is leading you along the path of life-that is sometimes bumpy, sometimes smooth and sometimes curvy and confusing.

But He is always there...with you...no matter which part of the journey you are on.

And when you are struggling to achieve things that seem way beyond your reach, it can be disheartening...and that's when it's important to stop for a minute...to move the lens over...and take note of the small things you are doing that are helping you move forward.

Baby steps.

Little steps.

Movement...sometimes so minuscule it's almost hard to notice how big each step really is.

But it's progress.

And it's better than staying where you are.

Because staying in the same place is really moving backwards.

How so?

If you would be moving one internal inch forward every day, then at the end of the week you will have moved seven inches. But if one day you don't move that one inch, you took a step back, and at the end of the week you've only moved six inches, six inches of internal change. You've lost an inch of change...and you're one step behind.

You've moved back.

Every little step you take is a reason to be proud.

It's tough...but you did it once. And you'll do it again.

Each step you take gives you the motivation, the push, the inner strength to keep going, to keep moving. To take another step. And another. And hopefully another.

Yes, the goal may seem overwhelming when you look at what you are aiming for.

That's why it's so crucial to zoom in on each step, notice and celebrate the little accomplishments...because they will get you to your ultimate goal. 

With each step, you put one step in front of the other...and you will get there.

Where?

Only you know.

So go ahead...and take those small steps, one at a time.

And when you fall back, because so many times it does happen, don't get discouraged. You can do it...and you will. Pick yourself up, and start again. Even if you got pushed back to your starting point. Even if it seems so frustrating to have to begin all over again. Even if things seem so difficult. You did it before, you took those small steps...and you were starting to get there. And you will.

Life happens. Some things are not in our control. We don't understand why Hashem makes us experience challenges...but through those tests we will exercise our spiritual muscles.

The only things we can do-and we must do-is try. Again and again.

No matter what, we must keep trying.

We must keep moving.

Tiny, little, baby steps.

Take those steps...one at a time.

It will be worth it.

And don't forget to ask Hashem for help along the way. He is guiding you. He is with you...at your side. It may be difficult, but when you remember Who put you through this challenge, you will also remember Who to turn to for help. Because He is always there. Always listening. And always there to help. He is your Father...and He loves you.

Traffic

Have you ever sat in bumper to bumper traffic on a highway, watching the cars on the other side breeze past you? They're all driving so fast while you're stuck waiting for the car ahead of you to move up a bit...

You wish you were on the other side too, moving quickly like all those lucky cars. But you know that there is no use in wishing, no point in being jealous. Because if you'd be on the other side, you wouldn't reach your destination. You just took a big trip and you want to get back home. For you, that is the wrong side of the highway; taking it would bring you right back where you came from. And that's not exactly where you want to go.

Life.

Life has been compared to many different thing by many bright and intellectual people.

This time, I'm using the comparison of the highway of life.

Sometimes in life, you wish you could take the easier, faster route. You wish it wouldn't take so long for the changes you want to just...happen.

You're waiting, hoping (and hopefully praying) for your yeshuah to come.

But you feel like you are sitting in traffic...and nothing is moving, nothing is changing.

You don't see any progress.

From time to time, the car ahead of you moves, just a few inches or maybe a few feet.

But then you're stuck again...stuck in the traffic on your highway of life.

You look to the other side of the road and you see so many cars, zooming by...and you eye them with a twinge of jealousy. You wish you could also go for a smooth, quick ride and arrive at your destination. But you know, deep down, that if you were to travel on the other side of the road, you would not reach the place you hope for.

But...that doesn't stop you from looking at those cars, those people, with a wishful eye, a feeling of yearning in your heart.

Eventually, there will be a point where the traffic will clear. You will make it through this challenge, as long as you keep driving, as long as you keep moving...and as long as you never give up hope.

You will get to where you want to. You will reach your destination. Keep your eyes on the goal, even as you continue to be human and glance at the other side of the highway from time to time.

Keep hoping for that clear path, when the obstacles that have been in your way are removed and you could zoom forward...and achieve that which you have been waiting for. Lift your eyes to the heavens and daven. Daven to Hashem to help you make it through your traffic jam intact, and become a better person, a stronger person.

May you be able to go through the highway of your life with the right attitude, knowing that no matter what kind of traffic jam you are stuck in, Hashem will clear the road for you one day...and you will get what you have been waiting for!

This Sunday

This Sunday, Yud Zayin Av, will be my brother Shalom's 7th yartzheit.

For me, every yartzheit is another reminder. A reminder that we are not here forever. That life is short and we must utilize every moment we have here...to do good things...to grow...to become better...and to make the lives of people around us a little happier. That at the end of a person's life, all that really matters is the mitzvos they did, the torah they learned, how they worked on themselves and improved the lives of those around them.

Every year, my family goes to my brother's kever on the yartzheit. As much as I cry and as much as I miss my brother, going to his kever is a reminder for me about what is really important in life. When I look at my brother's tombstone, I concentrate on the things written there, a beautiful inscription describing some of the qualities that made him the special person that he was.

And I think...what is it going to say on my tombstone...after I die? I know it's a scary thought but...after a person is gone, this is how they are remembered. And this is what is important. Not the way they dress and not the makeup they wear, not how fat or skinny they are and not how much money they have. It's how they use their talents, their personality, their looks, their money...how they use the gifts they were given to become a better person and do good things. 

No one knows how long they will live. My brother didn't know that he was going to die so young. We don't know how much time we have left. We need to use our time wisely. I have a yearly reminder for that. And I'm passing on this message to you. We need to stop and think. Where am I headed? What do I want to do with my life? What are my goals and how can I achieve them?

The word goal sounds a little bit much to me. Too big and too broad. It needs to be broken down. I think most people want to be generally good people. But what does it mean to be good? Life gets tough. Many times, decisions are hard to make. It's not always between good and bad, between black and white. There's so much gray. So much that is not defined. That cannot be put into a box.

So, many times...I'll think about my brother. About what he would say, what he would think is okay. And it helps. Because, when there is someone you think about that is not alive anymore, decisions, things that you are unclear about, right and wrong and those gray areas...it puts things into perspective and helps you realize what really matters and makes you think is this really important? Is it really okay to do this thing? What would Shalom say?

And I know...that once a person is gone, they cannot do any good deeds anymore. We can do things to make their neshama go higher, mitzvos, brachos, tefillah, chessed...it's all in our hands. We are all in the olam ha'asiya, where we can still do. And we can do actions that can elevate his neshama to higher places. I don't know exactly what that means but I feel like I am able to give him gifts, wrapped with beautiful bows...and send them to him up high where he will smile and be happy with each one he gets. My good deeds, my actions that are done l'ilui nishmaso, are those gifts.

Losing my brother gave me things I would not have gotten otherwise. Things I would never have asked for, pain and emotions I don't wish on anyone, but things that are priceless. Lessons and messages about life and what really counts, yearly reminders, and tools to keep things in perspective.

For those of you who never read the details of the story, you can click on the links on the sidebar below the picture of my brother. His story is unusual. He was not sick for some time before he passed away and my family did not have any warning. From one minute to the next...and a few hours later...and he was gone.

One last message to all of you. Appreciate those close to you. Appreciate your family, your siblings, your parents and your friends. Even if they annoy you sometimes, even if you they get on your nerves or get you upset. You never know how much time you have left to spend with them. I would give anything in the world to have some more time to spend with my brother. You don't have to wish. You have those people close to you all the time. Just appreciate them.

May this post and all the inspiration gained from this blog be an ongoing zechus for my brother, Shalom ben Chaim Nosson and may his neshama continue to go higher and higher in gan eden.

Know Your Worth

If the image of Jacob's ladder was not the most spectacular prophetic vision ever, it certainly comes close. In his dream, Jacob saw a ladder planted firmly on the ground yet reaching all the way into the heavens, and as he watched in utter fascination, he saw angels ascending and descending the ladder.

Then he wakes up, and lo and behold, it was all a dream. Jacob is shaken, and he reacts rather strangely. How can it be, he laments, that I am in the presence of the Almighty and did not even know it? No expressions of transcendent joy. No ecstatic expansion of the mind as a result of his sublime prophecy. Just chagrin. Why?

Our Sages tell us that he was mortified that he had actually slept in such a holy place. But even this does not fully answer the question. After all, what is so terrible about sleeping on hallowed ground? And if it was really such a terrible transgression, why did the Almighty reward him with this prophetic dream?

The commentators explain that Jacob was disappointed because he had missed an extraordinary opportunity. Had he known that he stood on hallowed ground, had he known he was actually standing in the presence of the Almighty, he would have concentrated on having an even more intense prophetic encounter with Him. But he had been completely oblivious to his surroundings. Indeed, he had gone to sleep!

He could have risen to incredible spiritual levels. He could have attained the most profound prophetic insights. He could have penetrated the deepest secrets of the universe. But he went to sleep. He did have a phenomenal prophetic vision in his dream, but that was where it stopped. So much potential unfulfilled. Such a great opportunity lost. It is little wonder that Jacob awoke disappointed.

A young man came to study in the academy of a great sage. He listened to the sage expound his thoughts and was amazed at their profound wisdom. He bent over the revered texts and pored over every single words in awe. A feeling of humility swept through his soul.

"Oh, what a nothing I am," he muttered under his breath. "What a miserable ignorant nothing."

The sage overheard his words and called him closer.

"Young man," he said, "why do you consider yourself a nothing?"

"Because I am weak, a salve to my physical needs and desires." "I see. And why did you come here?"

"To learn from you."

"If you wish to stay here and be successful," said the sage, "then you cannot consider yourself a nothing. After all, if you are truly nothing, how can you possibly retain wisdom? No, my young friend. Humility is a very good trait, but know your own worth. Know the sublimity of your soul and give it what it deserves."

In our own lives, we sometimes fall asleep on hallowed ground. Driven down by the pressures of everyday life, we can easily fall into the trap of deprecating our own worth.

We consider our shortcomings and our failures, and we tell ourselves we have no business setting our sights very high. But this is a serious mistake.

Never sell yourself short. You are hallowed ground. You possess a holy soul that is a spark of the divine. You are endowed with incredible spiritual treasures and resources. You have a kind nature and a generous spirit.

Most important of all, you are a descendant of the patriarchs, a custodian of the holy Torah here on this world. Your potential is incalculable. You have it within your grasp to reach for the sublime. Don't fall asleep on the job. Don't wake up disappointed after it is too late. Open your eyes and experience the exhilaration of fulfillment.

Taken from Rabbi Naftali Reich at www.Torah.org

How Do I Know?

I wanted to respond to a comment on this post. I asked my husband's rebbe, R' Dovid Levine, how to answer this question because I see that many girls have asked the same question on this blog.

Here's the question:

*shnooky* said...
thanks, great idea. but how does a person know which aspects of their lives to let go for now and not fight against? personally i find tht one of the yetzer hara's ways of making me lazy is to say "dont bother, your not there yet- eventually youll get there". on the other hand its true that we cant be perfect. how can i tell if its something really "beyond my grasp" or if that feeling is just the yetzer hara's illusion he mekes me stall with?? thx

The truth is we DON’T know! We do our best to make intelligent decisions. We begin by figuring out what is important in life. We should create goals. Then, we aim that our actions should be in consonance with our goal. We evaluate and reevaluate. We rethink our goal once in a while, and we analyze our decisions regularly, preferably daily. Keeping a journal can be helpful. And we do our best. If we do that, we will be doing many more good and far less wrong than if we just plunged ahead blindly. The Mesilas Yesharim refers to this as the middah of Zehirus. It is the first trait – chapters 2-4.

Do we know we have the right goals? Do we know if we performed them in the best way possible? No. But if we do our best, HKB”H will nudge us in the right direction. Habo le’taher me’sayin osoh. Moshe told Hashem he could not put the Mishkan together himself. Hashem to him to do his best and Hashem will do the rest. Do your best, the rest is up to Him.

Some other basic guidelines: Be normal. Stay healthy in body and mind. Have a Rebbe. Have a good friend whom you allow to point out where you might be biased or you might be going wrong. Do your best. Don’t be to worried if you are performing flawlessly, just try to do well. Focus chiefly on active rather than passive goals (increasing Mitzvos rather than just avoiding wrongdoing). Ask for siyata dishmaya throughout the day. And be happy!

After all that, Rabbi Pohirille used to tell me:

וַאֲנַחְנוּ לֹא נֵדַע, מַה נַּעֲבֹד אֶת יְהוָה, עַד בֹּאֵנוּ, שָׁמָּה.

(Shemos 10:26) We won’t know exactly how we were to serve Hashem until we get upstairs. And that itself is part of the service of Hashem. If we knew exactly what to do, it would be so much easier. We need extra love and dedication to keep at a job even when you don’t know if you are reaching the goal. And don’t forget: We don’t run the world; we don’t even control if we will reach higher madregos. Our success in ruchniyos is also up to Hashem. If we do our best, He will direct us to our goals. When we come upstairs, we will find that even when we thought we did our best but we were not successful, Hashem knew what we needed to do and directed us in the right direction.

I hope this helps!