Elul - More Time

I'm posting this here again because it's such a good message.

I got a ticket.

For an expired meter.

I was frustrated and upset. 

I rushed out of a store after waiting on line for way too long and saw the two police officers...slowly walking away from my car. There was the familiar orange color of the ticket tucked into my windshield. I ran.

I ran after them. 

I begged and pleaded with them to please take the ticket back, do something, anything so I wouldn't have to pay the money.

"Buy a new one," one of the police officers said. "There's nothing I can do, but quick, buy a new meter card and I'll explain..."

"But..." I stammered

"Just buy it-if there are six minutes between the time on the ticket and the time on your new meter card, you..."

I didn't listen to the rest. 

I got a quarter, quickly put it into the machine and checked the time. It said 2:13pm.

I grabbed the orange ticket and compared the time. I was "caught" at 2:09pm. My new meter card showed four minutes after the time the ticket was issued.

I waited for the policeman to explain the rest, while trying to calm my pounding heart.

"Now you have a way out," he explained. "Since there are less than six minutes between the time you were ticketed and the time on your new card, you can now fight the ticket. There is a six minute grace period...and you can say that you were in middle of getting a new card and you had to get quarters from your car and during that time you got a ticket."

I'm not sure about the lying part and making up a story, but if there is a way for me to get out...if the judge will give me six minutes of time...I will not have to pay this ticket. I am grateful.

Rosh Hashana is almost here.

We feel so unprepared.

What?? Elul passed already?

It's been almost 30 days...what do we have to show for ourselves?

But Hashem is a Ba'al Rachamim.

He is not out to get us. He doesn't want us to trip...to fall...to have to pay for our mistakes, for our negligence, for our lateness.

And so we were give the gift of Teshuva. And the gift of time. And more time.

When we repent, show real, true regret for the things we may have done wrong, the good things we should have done but never did, the lost opportunities, the mistakes we made, Hashem listens.

He is aware of the circumstances that may have caused us to fall. And unlike the police officers who didn't care about the long line that caused me to be delayed by a few minutes, Hashem understands and takes all those "excuses" into account. 

When we are sincere about the kind of person we wish to become, Hashem hears.

When we ask Him to help us change, because it is just too hard for us to do it alone, Hashem listens...and He will help us.

But more than that, Hashem blessed us with time...and more time.

Yes, the meter is running out, but we can "buy another card." After Rosh Hashana, we are given ten days, the aseres yimei teshuva and after that we have Yom Kippur.

Look at how much rachmanus Hashem has!

He keeps giving us more and more time to do teshuva and come closer to Him!

That is not to say that we should push it off to the last minute (even though the last minute is almost here!). We should utilize the time we have now to think. Think about the past year...and the coming year...and the brachos we would like to see in our lives...and the changes we would like to see in ourselves...and start now. 

We may feel discouraged by the fact that so much time has passed and we haven't even made a dent in the changes we wish we could make, we didn't use Elul much...and we went through our daily routines without even thinking about teshuva. But we should not dispair! Just like when the meter was out, instead of slowly strolling back to my car, I RAN, we can all run now. Instead of sauntering through the next few days as if we don't have a care in the world, let's show Hashem how becoming the person we want to be is important to us. Let's show Hashem that we want to change, we want to become better, different, elevated, spiritual, growing people. 

Let's use the little time we have left to think about the past year...the things we did that we wish we would never have done, things we may have read, watched, listened to, spoken about...and let's think about ways we can put up safeguards so that we don't stumble every time. Yes, we may fall, but falling is part of the process of growing. And like a trampoline, realize that sometimes we can jump even higher because of our downs, because of our falls. It is all part of the beauty of spiritual growth.

Change isn't easy. But we are given another gift-the gift of tefillah. And we can ask Hashem to help us become the person we dream of becoming. It may seem far off...but with baby steps, we can get there.

Thank you, Hashem for the gift of teshuva. Please help all of us use whatever time we have left until the yom hadin to utilize that gift...to the fullest!

Parshas Nitzavim

Moshe tells Bnei Yisroel - you have a choice between life and good and death and bad. He says, choose life!
The way to choose life is by making choices that connect us to the source of life, Hashem.

Now, before Rosh Hashanah, we should ask ourselves, are we doing things that bring us closer to Hashem or are we distancing ourselves from Him? Are we using the gifts He gave us-our eyes, ears, mouth, hands and feet to connect to Hashem in a real way?

Do we try to see Hashem in our daily life?
Are we receptive to inspiration?
Do we speak calmly and kindly to others?
Can we use our hands to do chessed thereby making a kiddush Hashem?
Have we walked away from arguments and negativity?

It's the last shabbos of the year. We have a chance to fix everything we've corrupted over this past year. Let's make a commitment to use our body to connect to Hashem, the source of life. 

May we be able to elevate every fiber of our being to connect to Hashem, the source of life and this way, well merit to be written down for a year of life, connection and meaning!

Elul-A Message

Someone sent this to me and I wanted to pass on this beautiful message.

There is a fellow who owns a jewelry store in Israel. One day a nine year old girl walked into the store and said, “I am here to buy a bracelet.” She looked through the glass cases and pointed to a bracelet that was $3,000. The man behind the counter asked her, “You want to buy that bracelet?”

“Yes,” she replied.

“Wow, you have very good taste. Who do you want to buy it for?”

“For my older sister.”

“Oh that is so nice!” the storekeeper replied. “Why do you want to buy your older sister this bracelet?”

“Because I don’t have a mother or father,” the little girl said, “and my older sister takes care of us. So we want to buy her a present, and I’m willing to pay for it.” She pulled out of her pocket a whole bunch of coins that totaled just under eight shekels, a little less than two dollars.

The fellow says, “Wow! That’s exactly what the bracelet costs!” While wrapping up the bracelet he said to the girl, “You write a card to your sister while I wrap the bracelet.” He finished wrapping the bracelet, wiped away his tears, and handed the little girl the bracelet.

A few hours later the older sister entered the store. “I’m terribly embarrassed,” she said. “My sister should not have come here. She shouldn’t have taken it without paying.”

“What are you talking about?” the storekeeper asked.

“What do you mean? This bracelet costs thousands of dollars. My little sister doesn’t have thousands of dollars – she doesn’t even have ten dollars! Obviously she didn’t pay for it.”

“You couldn’t be more wrong,” the storekeeper replied. “She paid me in full. She paid seven shekel, eighty agurot, and a broken heart. I want to tell you something. I am a widower. I lost my wife a number of years ago. People come into my store every single day. They come in and buy expensive pieces of jewelry, and all these people can afford it. When your sister walked in, for the first time in so very long since my wife had died, I once again felt what love means.”

He gave her the bracelet and wished her well.

During the High Holy Days, we come to the Almighty and we want to buy something very expensive. We want to buy life. But we cannot afford it. We don’t have enough money to pay for it. We don’t have the merits. So we come to the Almighty and we empty out our pockets, giving him whatever merits we have plus promises for the future. I’ll pick up the phone and call someone who is lonely, I will learn an extra five minutes of Torah, I will be kind and I will be scrupulous about not speaking lashon hara (gossip) for one hour a day.

The Almighty says, “You don’t know how long it’s been since I’ve felt what love means.” He sees how much we love Him and how much we yearn to improve, and He says, “You know what? You have touched my heart. Here it is, paid in full.”

(The story was told over by Rabbi Go’el Elkarif who said he heard it from the person to whom it happened.)

The Fox and The Vineyard

I posted this before and want to share the message with you once again.

We are now in the month of Elul. This is a very important time in the hebrew calendar, a time of closeness and connection to Hashem. Think about how lucky you are to have an opportunity to come back to your Loving Father! He gives you so many chances to come close to Him and show Him that you really want to do the right thing-by thinking about what you have done and how you want to become better.

There's an amazing mashal I want to share with you.

A fox passed a vineyard full of delicious grapes and wanted to eat some of them. However, there was a fence enclosing the vineyard that blocked him from going in. He did notice that there was a small hole in the fence and if he would fast for three days, he would be able to squeeze in and eat the grapes. So that is what he did.

After three days, the fox was skinny enough to make his way through the hole. He feasted and enjoyed all the grapes in the vineyard and when he was ready to leave he realized that he would not be able to get out because he ate too much and gained too much weight! So once again, he fasted for three days and only then was he able to get out of the vineyard.

The fox then realized that he did not gain anything from the vineyard because he left the same way he had gone in. We have to ask ourselves the same question-will we leave the world the same way we went in or will we have things that have true value to take along with us. Elul is a time to ask ourselves these questions - what are we taking with us into the new year? What mitzvos and good deeds do we have to show for ourselves?

Each one of us is put into this world and there are so many temptations and things that look exciting - but we have to remember that we are in this world for a purpose, not just for the materialism and we need to focus on the things that last.

This past shabbos, I heard a continuation of this mashal.
There was a smart fox who watched what the first fox had done and said to himself, "I will not be a fool like this one." And here is what he did. After fasting three days so he could get through the hole in the fence, he ate and enjoyed the grapes. In the meantime, he threw a whole bunch of grapes over the fence so that when he gets out of the vineyard, he will have more grapes to eat. So even though he had to fast to get out, he thought ahead and saved for the future.

The woman who I heard this mashal from gave an interesting twist on the nimshal.
Elul is coming. It's a hard month but it is a very rich month. There is so much to gain from what comes after it-the yomim nora'im, Rosh Hashana, Yom Kippur and Succos. Some people are like the first fox and they leave the yomim tovim the same way they came in. The day after yom tov you wouldn't even know that they experienced such awesome days. However, if you want to be like the smart fox, you need to throw the grapes over the fence, you need to prepare properly and think ahead so that you will come out of these days enriched and a better person.

Elul is a very big month. There is so much to gain and so much to achieve. Now that we are entering such a crucial time in our calendar, it is up to us to use our time well and take advantage of the closeness we have with Hashem.

Let's think ahead so that we use each day to the fullest so that when we come out of Elul, we can say that we didn't just eat the grapes but we saved some for later - so that we can take the inspiration we get from Elul and the yomim tovim that come after it and come out a truly changed and better person!

Park Musings

I'm in the park with my baby. I watch a whole group of girls entering the park excitedly, together with their counselor. They walk together, as one unit, in close-knit groups of friends having fun together.

And I think.

I think about these girls...as individuals. Each one of them is precious to their parents. Each one comes from her own home with parents who worry about them as they hope for them to have a good day, to have good friends, to just be happy.

Yes, these girls look like one group of happy day-campers, having fun and playing together. But there is so much more behind each face. Siblings who love them (hopefully), parents who care for them, grandparents who enjoy them and shep nachas when they see them...a whole separate family unit, away from the group of girls they spend most of their days with.

There's a girl running through the sprinkler, having a great time, getting soaking wet. 

There's another girl who trips and falls down, but her counselor gets her back up again without even giving her a chance to cry. She joins the rest of the group and forgets about her fall within seconds.

She's just a counselor, I think.

How would her mother react?

Her mother's heart would skip a beat when she'd see her child fall. She'd quickly embrace her, calm her down, comfort her and then let her run off again to play...with a warning to be more careful next time.

Parents love each child...each one as an individual. 

It doesn't matter how many other cute, pretty or smart girls there are in her bunk.

Each child belongs to her mother. To her father. To her parents. To parents who love them with their whole heart, who would do anything for their children. 

Even if a parent has more than one child, they worry and care about each one separately, independent of their other children. Each child, with his/her character, personality and makeup has different needs...and every parent wants to do their utmost to take care of them and make sure those needs are met.

We are all children of Hashem.

Hashem loves each of us as an individual. 

We are like an only child to Him.

Yes, there are so many other "children" playing in the park of life, running through sprinklers, getting wet, having fun, tripping and falling and needing help getting back up. 

That's the greatness of Hashem.

He is not like a human being who is limited by time and space, who cannot do more than one (or two or three for the really talented multi taskers out there!) thing(s) at a time. 

Hashem, like a loving, caring father, looks out for each of us at all times.

Tomorrow is Rosh Chodesh Elul. Elul is an acronym for ani ledodi vedodi li. It is a time for us to come closer to Hashem, closer to our loving Father, look inside ourselves and around us and think about the things we want to change. 

Our relationship with Him.

If you moved away from your parent and during that time your relationship got somewhat strained and then you found out that your parent was moving back...to your city...to your town...down the street from you...wouldn't you want to work on fixing your relationship? Wouldn't you want to become close once again?

Well, now's the chance. 

Hashem is moving back. He's moving in. He's coming back to you. To your neighborhood...

He will enter your heart.

All you have to do is let Him in.

Try to rid yourself of things that distract you from Him. Try to connect to Him once again...with your siddur, with your tehillim, with your own words...with His Torah.

Take out a book, a Jewish book, an inspiring book, a book that talks about growth...and try to reconnect.

Your Loving Father is waiting for you.

Don't wait. 

As the month of Av, which stands for Elul Ba, comes to a close, and we welcome in the month of Elul, do what it takes to achieve that closeness and connection your heart is yearning for.

Hashem will welcome you with open arms. You just have to take the first step towards Him.

Pischu Li Pesach...you open the opening the size of the head of a needle...V'ani eftach lachem...and I [Hashem] will open for you...the size of a ballroom.

May you be able to utilize the time you have during the coming month to take positive steps towards change and growth. May you be able to move slowly, one baby step at a time...so those changes last. And may you be able to look back at the end of this month and be proud of yourself and what you accomplished!

Always Watching

I posted this before and wanted to share this with you again.

We are now right at the start of Chodesh Elul. It’s the beginning of a big month, a month that we all hope to fill with change and growth. Change does not happen on it’s own – it’s something that requires work, time, thought and effort.

I learned that the Jewish calendar year can be compared to a spiral staircase – although we have the same yomim tovim every year, we are (hopefully) climbing higher and higher every time we reach that point in the calendar. The year goes in a circle and we come to the same spot again every year but we hope that this year we are at a higher level than we were on last year.

It is a very big challenge to keep climbing and going higher. It can be compared to standing on an escalator that is going downward. If you do not make sure to step up, you will automatically be going downwards. It's a climb! But it is definitely worth it when you reach the top.

One way to make sure you utilize the time during Elul to the fullest is by thinking shivisi Hashem l'negdi samid - (I always have Hashem before me) as many times as you can throughout your day. This pasuk is so powerful and can change the way you act at any moment.

For example, if you think about this pasuk on your way to work/school/camp activity, you can try to come up with ways to bring Hashem into your day more. If you are about to make a bracha, this can help enhance your kavannah. Thinking about it can cause you to refrain from negative speech because if you remember that Hashem is watching you, you will not want to do the wrong thing! When you are faced with a decision and are unsure what to do and this thought comes to mind, it will surely help you gain more clarity.

Give yourself a time during the day when you will think about it - at least once. It can be while you eat breakfast or lunch, before you check your emails or even while you are on the phone with someone. You can let this pasuk go through your mind when you have some quiet time in middle of your day.

There is a famous story about the Chofetz Chaim who had hired a wagon driver to take him somewhere. While they were passing a farm, the driver abruptly stopped the wagon and climbed down in order to steal something from the farmer. He left the Chofetz Chaim in the wagon as a lookout. As the driver embarked on his mission, the Chofetz Chaim called out: "He's looking!" The driver raced back to the wagon, spurred the horses to a vigorous gallop and made his getaway, the Chofetz Chaim in tow.

When they had gotten a safe distance away, the wagon driver turned to the Chofetz Chaim and asked, "Who was it that saw me?" The Chofetz Chaim gestured upwards and said, "He sees everything."

Yes, we all know Hashem is always watching us and sees everything we do.
But how can we make it more real to us?

By thinking about this pasuk, shivisi Hashem l'negdi samid more often during the course of your day, you will be more aware of Hashem's presence in your life. This will help you think twice before you act and help you make the right choices - positive choices.

Hatzlacha!

Inspiration gained from this post should be a zechus for the aliyas neshama of my friend's mother, Ruchama Rivka Sondra bas R' Yechiel whose sixth yartzheit is tonight, Beis Elul.

Adorable video about finding hashem in elul.. must watch till the end!! There is an incredible message you will love!!!

Women, Elul and the Shofar

This was posted before but the message is great!

I was just wondering about this specific question and then read the answer in today's Hakhel post! I wanted to share it with all of you.

"The Gematria of Elul (67) is the same as the Gematria of binah (67), understanding - for when one acquires sufficient understanding, he will be moved to do Teshuva."



With this awareness, we can perhaps suggest the answer to a question which may initially trouble many women. (This was the question I was just thinking about this morning!!)

Why is it that men have the benefit of the Shofar being blown every weekday morning in Elul to awaken them to the special times while women davening at home have no such fearful reminder? We may propose that the Shofar is intended to instill the binah, the understanding in a person to recognize his position and situation and do Teshuvah. Women, on the other hand, are blessed with a binah yeseira - a special level of binah, which jump starts them without the actual need of the Tekias Shofar every morning.

Indeed, Binah's sharing of the same gematria as Elul, may indicate to us that women are on a heightened level of awareness the entire year!

In a similar vein, the Yarmulke which men must wear to remind themselves to subjugate themselves to their Creator is not worn by women because though their added level of binah - they are already Yarei Malka - they are a step ahead in the fear of their Creator. The Shofar, then, is the great equalizer - we all have a little over three weeks to get the job done - let's really succeed this year!

I think it is amazing that when you have a question and really want to know the answer, Hashem will send it your way! It was as if Hashem was giving me a little message that if I want to find answers, He will help me get them!

Another thing for us to focus on is that we should find ways to arouse ourselves to teshuva, even if we do not go to shul every morning and hear the shofar. Women have a special intuition that allows us to be in touch with our emotions and the unique time that we are in and we do not need the daily shofar blowing as a reminder to wake up!

Teshuva - A Poem

I posted this before and wanted to share it with you once again.

Hashem gave us all a very special gift,
And with it each neshama can get a lift,
It has awesome powers and teshuva is its name,
And without it our lives just wouldn’t be the same.

I have the ability to get rid of my aveiros from the past,
And even turn them into mitzvos that forever will last,
But of course I must make sure to do it right,
The three step process will turn darkness to light.

Because my neshama is a diamond shining so strong,
And it gets darker each time I do something wrong.
So the first thing to do to make it shine once again,
Is to verbalize and say, “I’ve sinned against Hashem.”

I must specify the aveiros I did, say them all out,
Hashem hears when I say them, there’s no need to shout
Just by saying them all, one by one,
The first step of the teshuva process is already done.

The next step is charata, to sincerely feel in my heart,
That the aveiros I’ve done made me move far apart,
From my Father in Heaven who loves me so
He gives and gives and never says no.

How could I be so ungrateful and do the wrong thing?!
He does so much for me, He’s my father and my king,
I feel so embarrassed to have done what I did,
And I hope to improve this year and become a better yid.

Feeling bad for what I’ve done is step number two,
And in the third step I must be earnest and true,
I will do everything I can to make sure,
That I will not repeat these aveiros anymore.

I will try to figure out what was the cause,
Of my feeling of carelessness to Hashem’s precious laws.
Yes now is the time to work on planning ahead,
And through this my aveiros will turn into mitzvos instead.

For there is nothing in the world that could be greater,
Than when someone does teshuva out of love for his creator,
So let us all grab the chance while Elul is still here,
And through doing teshuva may we all have a beautiful year!

May you have a year full of every kind of beracha,
And may you always feel content and always be b’simcha,
May you be able to serve Hashem with all your heart and soul,
And may we meet in Yerushalayim, the Jewish nation as one whole!!

Always Watching

I wrote this last year and wanted to share this with you again.

We are now right at the start of Chodesh Elul. It’s the beginning of a big month, a month that we all hope to fill with change and growth. Change does not happen on it’s own – it’s something that requires work, time, thought and effort.

I learned that the Jewish calendar year can be compared to a spiral staircase – although we have the same yomim tovim every year, we are (hopefully) climbing higher and higher every time we reach that point in the calendar. The year goes in a circle and we come to the same spot again every year but we hope that this year we are at a higher level than we were on last year.

It is a very big challenge to keep climbing and going higher. It can be compared to standing on an escalator that is going downward. If you do not make sure to step up, you will automatically be going downwards. It's a climb! But it is definitely worth it when you reach the top.

One way to make sure you utilize the time during Elul to the fullest is by thinking shivisi Hashem l'negdi samid - (I always have Hashem before me) as many times as you can throughout your day. This pasuk is so powerful and can change the way you act at any moment.

For example, if you think about this pasuk on your way to work/school/camp activity, you can try to come up with ways to bring Hashem into your day more. If you are about to make a bracha, this can help enhance your kavannah. Thinking about it can cause you to refrain from negative speech because if you remember that Hashem is watching you, you will not want to do the wrong thing! When you are faced with a decision and are unsure what to do and this thought comes to mind, it will surely help you gain more clarity.

Give yourself a time during the day when you will think about it - at least once. It can be while you eat breakfast or lunch, before you check your emails or even while you are on the phone with someone. You can let this pasuk go through your mind when you have some quiet time in middle of your day.

There is a famous story about the Chofetz Chaim who had hired a wagon driver to take him somewhere. While they were passing a farm, the driver abruptly stopped the wagon and climbed down in order to steal something from the farmer. He left the Chofetz Chaim in the wagon as a lookout. As the driver embarked on his mission, the Chofetz Chaim called out: "He's looking!" The driver raced back to the wagon, spurred the horses to a vigorous gallop and made his getaway, the Chofetz Chaim in tow.

When they had gotten a safe distance away, the wagon driver turned to the Chofetz Chaim and asked, "Who was it that saw me?" The Chofetz Chaim gestured upwards and said, "He sees everything."

Yes, we all know Hashem is always watching us and sees everything we do.
But how can we make it more real to us?

By thinking about this pasuk, shivisi Hashem l'negdi samid more often during the course of your day, you will be more aware of Hashem's presence in your life. This will help you think twice before you act and help you make the right choices - positive choices.

Hatzlacha!

Inspiration gained from this post should be a zechus for the aliyas neshama of my friend's mother, Ruchama Rivka Sondra bas R' Yechiel whose fifth yartzheit was today Beis Elul.

The Fox and The Vineyard

I posted it last year and want to share the message with you once again.

Tonight is Rosh Chodesh Elul. We are about to enter a very important time in the hebrew calendar, a time of closeness and connection to Hashem. Think about how lucky you are to have an opportunity to come back to your Loving Father! He gives you so many chances to come close to Him and show Him that you really want to do the right thing-by thinking about what you have done and how you want to become better.

There's an amazing mashal I want to share with you.

A fox passed a vineyard full of delicious grapes and wanted to eat some of them. However, there was a fence enclosing the vineyard that blocked him from going in. He did notice that there was a small hole in the fence and if he would fast for three days, he would be able to squeeze in and eat the grapes. So that is what he did.

After three days, the fox was skinny enough to make his way through the hole. He feasted and enjoyed all the grapes in the vineyard and when he was ready to leave he realized that he would not be able to get out because he ate too much and gained too much weight! So once again, he fasted for three days and only then was he able to get out of the vineyard.

The fox then realized that he did not gain anything from the vineyard because he left the same way he had gone in. We have to ask ourselves the same question-will we leave the world the same way we went in or will we have things that have true value to take along with us. Elul is a time to ask ourselves these questions - what are we taking with us into the new year? What mitzvos and good deeds do we have to show for ourselves?

Each one of us is put into this world and there are so many temptations and things that look exciting - but we have to remember that we are in this world for a purpose, not just for the materialism and we need to focus on the things that last.

This past shabbos, I heard a continuation of this mashal.

There was a smart fox who watched what the first fox had done and said to himself, "I will not be a fool like this one." And here is what he did. After fasting three days so he could get through the hole in the fence, he ate and enjoyed the grapes. In the meantime, he threw a whole bunch of grapes over the fence so that when he gets out of the vineyard, he will have more grapes to eat. So even though he had to fast to get out, he thought ahead and saved for the future.

The woman who I heard this mashal from gave an interesting twist on the nimshal.

Elul is coming. It's a hard month but it is a very rich month. There is so much to gain from what comes after it-the yomim nora'im, Rosh Hashana, Yom Kippur and Succos. Some people are like the first fox and they leave the yomim tovim the same way they came in. The day after yom tov you wouldn't even know that they experienced such awesome days. However, if you want to be like the smart fox, you need to throw the grapes over the fence, you need to prepare properly and think ahead so that you will come out of these days enriched and a better person.

Elul is a very big month. There is so much to gain and so much to achieve. Now that we are entering such a crucial time in our calendar, it is up to us to use our time well and take advantage of the closeness we have with Hashem.

Let's think ahead so that we use each day to the fullest so that when we come out of Elul, we can say that we didn't just eat the grapes but we saved some for later - so that we can take the inspiration we get from Elul and the yomim tovim that come after it and come out a truly changed and better person!

Elul is Coming

It is interesting that the word AV is made up of two letters: Aleph and Bais. Aleph stands for Elul and Bais stands for Ba which means-Elul Ba, Elul is coming.
We shouldn't wait until Rosh Chodesh Elul to start to make changes and get closer to Hashem.

Already the month beforehand we have a reminder - from the name of the month Av itself -to get into the mode and start thinking about where we are and where we want to be.

Each and every one of us has so much potential for good. We have to look deep inside our hearts to see it, to feel it, to acknowledge it and then to act upon it.

The month of Av starts off as a sad month. We mourn the loss of the bais hamikdosh and daven for it to be rebuilt. But then along comes Shabbos Nachamu-where Hashem comforts us by saying that the day will come when we will once again be brought back to that holy state of closeness to Him and clarity and we will all live in happiness together. For seven shabbasos after Tisha B'av, the shiva d'nichemta are read - seven haftoros relating words of encouragement and comfort to Klal Yisroel.

Now that we are getting closer to the end of Av, let us remind ourselves that Elul Ba-Elul is coming!

What is the avoda at this time?
This shabbos, we read something at the table (from Leket Reshimos on Elul) that we had read last year. I had posted and expounded on it then and want to share it with you once more.
It was called Focusing on Doing Good During Elul.

We are not on the level of previous generations who the very mention of the word Elul made the fish in the sea tremble and the people start shaking and...fainting.

We are not meant to be on that level.

We have to serve Hashem on the level that we are on.

We need to let the thought of Elul bring us to better places, places of change and growth-but at our own pace, with small, even tiny baby steps in our avodas hashem.

Recently, someone told me (um, texted me) that she was having a hard time. She was falling down and trying to figure out how to get back up. When I tried encouraging her that she's amazing for trying even though it's not easy to climb back up again, she said she feels like a loser. So I told her, you are not a loser until you give up. As long as you are trying you are a winner!

Let those words enter each one of our hearts...especially in Elul when we all need to hear it.

You are not a loser until you give up. As long as you are trying you are a winner!

My Father is Sitting Shiva

My father is sitting shiva.

It's a scary thought. One day, I'll be sitting shiva for him, talking about him and the things we can learn from his life.

At the levaya, when my father tore his shirt and asked his father for forgiveness, I was very shaken up.

It shook me to the core.

One day, I will have to ask my father for mechilla. Do I treat him perfectly? Do I honor and respect him to the degree that I should? Do I listen to him when he talks to me and repeats a long dvar torah or do I sometimes tune out and tell him at the end that that's a really nice thought?

It's a wake up call.

I need to check if my bein adam l'chaveiro is in perfect order or if there are things that could be fixed up a little bit.

I shouldn't have to wait until Elul to ask other people for forgiveness.

I should do things properly in the first place so that I don't have to ask them at all. If I treated everyone the way I should, there would be no need to say I'm sorry.

This is a powerful lesson for all of us.

Let's not wait until it's too late to ask for forgiveness.

Let's treat people properly, with respect, love and sensitivity.

Thoughts on Elul

I wrote this a few years ago, passed it around as an email and posted it on the blog last year. I think the message is still so powerful and I hope you gain from it.

If your parents were to give you money to spend on whatever you wanted, there are a few things you could do.

Either you can buy yourself a present with the money they gave you. That would be very nice as that is what they had in mind when they gave you the money. They give you ten dollars, you buy yourself some pizza and ice cream. They give you more, you buy yourself shoes, clothing or a new book. They give you lots of money, you buy yourself something more expensive.

But even better than that, you can use the money they give you to buy them a present. That would be extra special because you are using the money you got to try and repay them for all the good they have given you. They gave you ten dollars, you buy them roses. They gave you more, you buy them a gift to enhance the Shabbos table. They gave you lots of money, you buy an expensive piece of silver.

But imagine if you were to take that money and use it against your parents. They gave you ten dollars, you buy yourself some fuel and matches and burn the house down. They gave you more, you buy yourself some other destructive device and cause untold harm. They gave you even more, you use it to pay for a car and crash into them and kill them.

Sounds ridiculous, no?!

This is what happens when we sin against our loving father, HaKadosh Baruch Hu. He gives and gives and gives to us. He doesn’t stop. And we have choices of how to use the gifts He has gives us.

We can use them to our benefit alone. We can eat the food he gives us and enjoy it. We can sing songs to ourselves and enjoy our beautiful voices. We have eyes, we can use them to read. We can use our ears to hear sounds and our lips to speak words.

But even better than that, we can use our talents to come closer to Him. We can't repay HaKadosh Baruch Hu for a bit of what He does for us, but we can give Hashem a present by using what He gave us to bring Him nachas and joy. We can say brachos on our foods or use our voices to sing songs that will inspire ourselves and others to come closer to Hashem. We can use our eyes to read stories and look at things that will bring Hashem happiness. We can use our ears to listen to words of Torah and use our lips to daven and sing Hashem's praises.

But when we use our body to sin against Hashem, we are giving Hashem a "slap across the face"!! Hashem gives us eyes and what do we do?! We read and look at things we should have never read and seen. We look at people with a jealous eye instead of fargining. Do we look into the siddur and the holy aleph bais when we daven or do we let our eyes wander around the room diverting our attention and getting distracted from our tefillah?!

We are blessed with the ability to hear and what do we use our ears for?! We listen to words of lashon hara and ona'as devarim. We listen to others complaining and then validate them instead of helping them realize that there may be another side to their story. Should we try to listen more when someone is trying to tell us something instead of interrupting them before they finish their thought?!

We were given the ability to speak. How careful are we with guarding our lips? Do we daven and bentch slowly and carefully? Perhaps we can start to say each bracha with more articulation, thereby enabling us to have more concentration when saying it. When we use our mouths and our lips to do aveiros, we are taking the gifts Hashem gave us and using them against Him! What could be a bigger insult to Hashem than that?! "I give you a gift and this is what you do with it?!" Do we want Hashem to chas v'shalom have to wake us up by taking away one of these gifts so we wont be able to use them altogether?!
We just started month of Elul. It is a time for us to really think. We should use this month to give Hashem nachas by showing Him that we are using every part of our body to serve Him. So work slowly. Take one part of your body and tell yourself, "Today I want to work on my brain. How can I fill my brain with positive thoughts and use my brain to get closer to Hashem?" Is this hard? Maybe. But think about the millions of things you can thank Hashem for. You will never get bored with these thoughts. Go through your body and start realizing how much is going on inside of you. Thank Hashem for your health and that your heart is pumping blood throughout your body... Thank Him for your family and friends. Thank Him for keeping you alive. You have so much to be grateful for! Just use your free time to think about all the things you can thank Him for and you will be serving Hashem with your brain!

You can use each part of your body to get closer to Hashem. It just takes a little bit of time and some serious thought. You can do it. Give it a try. See how it works. You'll be amazed by the feeling you'll have when you realize that you are able to use the gifts Hashem gave you to get close to Him. So instead of throwing the gifts He gave us back in His face, let us try to use them to come closer to Him and thereby merit the coming of Moshiach, where we will see Hashem face to face!!

Urgent Recall Notice

Here's a great email my friend sent to me.

URGENT RECALL NOTICE

Regardless of make or year, all units known as "HUMAN BEINGS" are being recalled by the Manufacturer. This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units code named "Adam" and "Eve" resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units. This defect is technically termed, "Serious Internal Non-morality," but more commonly known as "SIN."
Some of the symptoms of the SIN defect:

[a] Loss of direction
[b] Lack of peace and joy
[c] Depression
[d] Foul vocal emissions
[e] Selfishness
[f] Ingratitude
[g] Fearfulness
[h] Rebellion
[i] Jealousy

The Manufacturer is providing factory authorized repair service free of charge to correct the SIN defect.

The Repair Technician, G-d, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs. To repeat, there is no fee required. The number to call for repair in all areas is: P-R-A-Y-E-R.

Once connected please upload the burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE procedure. Next, download ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, G-d, into the heart component of the human unit. No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, G-d will replace it with:

[a] Love
[b] Joy
[c] Peace
[d] Kindness
[e] Goodness
[f] Faithfulness
[g] Gentleness
[h] Patience
[I] Self-control

Please see the operating manual, TORAH, for further details on the use of these fixes. As an added upgrade, the Manufacturer has made available to all repaired units a facility enabling direct monitoring and assistance from the resident Maintenance Technician, G-d . Repaired units need only make Him welcome and He will take up residence on the premises.

WARNING: Continuing to operate a human being unit without corrections voids the Manufacturer's warranty, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list.

Thank you for your immediate attention.

Teshuva - Don't Give Up

This was posted last year but I think it's a very important message and good to reread.

Now that we are in Elul and it's a time for all of us to do teshuva, I feel that there is something very important to remember.

There are so many areas in which we can all improve. I don't know if there is anyone who can say that they feel that Elul is here and they don't know what to work on.

If you need some ideas, here they are - working on anger, patience, respecting your parents and people older than you, shmiras halashon, judging favorably, saying brachos with kavannah, tefillah, noticing Hashem in your life more, thanking Hashem, complimenting others, spending time wisely = not wasting time, jealously and the list goes on and on...

Anyway, what I wanted to point out is that when a person tries to work on something and then feels like that specific thing they chose to fix is becoming soo much harder to do, here's what you can think of.

Here's the mashal: When someone is walking down the street holding a bag of garbage, he doesn't have to think for a minute that someone will rob him and try to steal his dirty bag. But when someone is holding a bag full of diamonds, he has to be careful with it and make sure that no one steal it! The robber wont bother chasing the guy who is on his way to throw out his garbage but he will look out for someone carrying those diamonds and jewels.

It works the same way with the yetzer hara - whenever he sees that you have something valuable to gain, that's precisely when he will go and "chase you" and make it hard for you to succeed! Only because he knows that you have something really great at the end, if he loses, that's when he goes and makes it hard for you! That's when it's worth the fight for him!
So when you are trying to work on something and that specific thing gets hard for you (like, you are working sooo hard on talking respectfully to your parents, why is it that today you feel this massive urge to answer back?!), just remember that the yetzer hara is putting up a fight because he sees that you will get major zechusim if you win!

So keep trying - especially when it's hard for you, because know that when you win, you will be on top and your reward is even greater than all the diamonds and jewels!!

Working on Middos

At times, you may have to deal with people who are different than you. It can be difficult and it can be frustrating but the most important thing to remind yourself is that you have to let it pass and not let it get to you. Tell yourself that Hashem put you in this situation so that you can work on refining your middos and become more tolerant of others.

Every person has their quirks and the things that make them tick. It may be hard to deal with people who are not exactly like you and do things differently than the way you are used to. But by telling yourself over and over again that Hashem is giving you an opportunity to work on yourself you will grow from the experience instead of just becoming annoyed.

Every person has positive qualities. So if someone is doing something that bothers you, a good way to deal with it is look out for the good – notice the things you like about them or the things they are good at so that you can get past the things that make you frustrated.

When someone does something and you cannot understand why, try to be dan l’kaf zechus. There are so many reasons why someone would do something that at first glance makes no sense or why they would not be able to do a favor for you. Think of a time when you were in a similar situation and think of what the reasons were that you did what you did.

I heard a great way to excel in this area – judging favorably. If you would be in the same situation, what excuse would you come up with for yourself to explain why that happened?

We are all so good at excusing ourselves. When we do something that looks wrong, we have so many ways to explain our actions. When someone asks us to do a favor for them, we come up with so many reasons why we couldn’t. I was too tired. I didn’t realize what you meant. It was a misunderstanding. I was busy. I was on the phone. I didn’t hear your message. I totally heard wrong! I thought you said you wanted me to…I was away. I was sleeping. I was preoccupied with something else. I needed to relax and couldn’t jump up and run to help you right when you asked.

We have so many ways to say the (almost) same thing! It just wasn’t a good time for me.

So why is it that when someone tells you they can’t do it does it bother you so much? She’s also human! She is also allowed to have her reasons for not being available at the exact second that you needed her!

Come up with excuses for your friends when they do things that are not the way you wanted them to be. Slowly, you will become an expert at judging them favorably. This will help eliminate stress and disappointment and a lot of arguments can be avoided.

Now’s the time to work on polishing our middos until they shine!

Teshuva - A Poem

I posted this last year but wanted to share it with you once again.

Hashem gave us all a very special gift,
And with it each neshama can get a lift,
It has awesome powers and teshuva is its name,
And without it our lives just wouldn’t be the same.

I have the ability to get rid of my aveiros from the past,
And even turn them into mitzvos that forever will last,
But of course I must make sure to do it right,
The three step process will turn darkness to light.

Because my neshama is a diamond shining so strong,
And it gets darker each time I do something wrong.
So the first thing to do to make it shine once again,
Is to verbalize and say, “I’ve sinned against Hashem.”

I must specify the aveiros I did, say them all out,
Hashem hears when I say them, there’s no need to shout
Just by saying them all, one by one,
The first step of the teshuva process is already done.

The next step is charata, to sincerely feel in my heart,
That the aveiros I’ve done made me move far apart,
From my Father in Heaven who loves me so
He gives and gives and never says no.

How could I be so ungrateful and do the wrong thing?!
He does so much for me, He’s my father and my king,
I feel so embarrassed to have done what I did,
And I hope to improve this year and become a better yid.

Feeling bad for what I’ve done is step number two,
And in the third step I must be earnest and true,
I will do everything I can to make sure,
That I will not repeat these aveiros anymore.

I will try to figure out what was the cause,
Of my feeling of carelessness to Hashem’s precious laws.
Yes now is the time to work on planning ahead,
And through this my aveiros will turn into mitzvos instead.

For there is nothing in the world that could be greater,
Than when someone does teshuva out of love for his creator,
So let us all grab the chance while Elul is still here,
And through doing teshuva may we all have a beautiful year!

May you have a year full of every kind of beracha,
And may you always feel content and always be b’simcha,
May you be able to serve Hashem with all your heart and soul,
And may we meet in Yerushalayim, the Jewish nation as one whole!!

Practical Tips During Elul - Part 2

Question: We are in Elul and I know I should be doing teshuva and improving myself. I understand that we are in a special time and could probably even write a bunch of divrie torah on the topic too! But since the summer started I've kind of been in this slump and haven't really been working so much on myself. Its not like I'm short on what to work on, I know there are things I would like to change. I was hoping that by the time Elul rolled around I would have gotten out of it but now its Elul and im still feeling this way. Do you have any ideas on how to get out of it?

Click here to read the first part of my answer.

Let's just say you need to work on helping your mother the first time she asks. The first thing you have to do is be aware of the fact that this is what you need to fix. Then, come up with some sort of plan-what will you tell yourself to feel motivated to help her when she asks you the first time and not just push it off? You know what makes you tick and what the right thing you need to tell yourself is. Ask Hashem to help you - especially when it's hard. Tell Him how you feel and how difficult it is and how you really want to listen the first time. Then, at the end of your day, check yourself and count your wins. If you were able to overcome this challenge even once a day, you are moving in the right direction.

Or let's say you know that you always end up stumbling in lashon hara when you shmooze with your friends on the phone. It's very hard to stop because it is so tempting! So the way to correct that is with baby steps. Catch yourself once a day so that you are aware that you stumbled. Once you notice that you did it, you will be able to work on correcting it. Then, talk to Hashem and tell Him how you feel - that you really don't want to do it but it's so hard! Ask Him to help you stop speaking negatively about other people. Think of ways you can stop yourself from speaking Lashon Hara - either by cutting your conversations short, switching topics, trying once a day to ignore a phone call if you know that person is someone who might make you stumble.
And remember, count your wins! Don't be discouraged if you keep falling - the yetzer hara wants you to give up so he makes you focus on the times you didn't accomplish so you'll stop trying! Every time you DO overcome, every time you don't give in, you are climbing higher!! That's what you need to focus on.

Let's say you know that you need to work on time management. You spend so much time online or just not doing anything and you wish you can feel that you were more productive by the time the day was done. So being aware of this issue, knowing that it's something you need to work on is the first step. Then you need to brainstorm, think of what you can do to make sure you don't waste so much time during your day. Maybe you can give yourself a time limit - an amount of time you will spend on the computer and then you will get off - and set an alarm when the time is up so you know you have to stop. If you have too much free time because it is the summer and you aren't so busy, maybe you can think of ways to keep busy.
Listen to a shiur on the phone (Kol Halashon has a TON of shiurim to keep you inspired and uplifted! Their number is 718-906-6400.) or online (like Torah Anytime or Simple To Remember). Read a book or learn something together with a friend every day or once a week at a specific time. Sign up for Partners in Torah so you can teach someone who wants to learn more about Judaism.
Ask Hashem to help you use your time in a productive fashion. Tell Him that you want to feel accomplished and use your time wisely. At the end of the day, look back and see how your day went and if you did something that made you feel good about how you spent your time. And remember, count those wins! That is what will help you move forward the next day - by noticing that the day before you were able to do it.

I only gave you a few examples but I'm sure you can use these suggestions for other things that you need to work on.
Try to use this equation and "plug it in" to whatever you need to work on.
Be aware of what you need to work on.
Notice when you stumble so you know what makes you fall.
Think of ways to fix it - see what "talks to you" to help you get out of it.
Talk to Hashem about how you feel and ask Him to help you correct your mistakes.
Count your wins so you don't get discouraged and you keep climbing.

I know it's hard. It's going to take work. Change doesn't happen on it's own. That's what Elul is all about - you have to think about what you need to do and then be active about what you want to fix.

I hope this helps you!

Practical Tips During Elul - Part 1

Someone emailed this question to me. After responding to her, I realized that so many people are probably thinking the same thing so I decided to post it here (with her permission, of course). I'm putting this here in two separate posts so it's not too long to read at once.

Question: We are in Elul and I know I should be doing teshuva and improving myself. I understand that we are in a special time and could probably even write a bunch of divrie torah on the topic too! But since the summer started I've kind of been in this slump and haven't really been working so much on myself. Its not like I'm short on what to work on, I know there are things I would like to change. I was hoping that by the time Elul rolled around I would have gotten out of it but now its Elul and im still feeling this way. Do you have any ideas on how to get out of it?

Answer: Thanks for your question-I think it's a very important one and a question that many other people have. It's so special of you to ask this - it shows that you really care about your spiritual growth and don't want to just let Elul slip by too quickly! You want to take advantage of this special time and really accomplish!

What you have to keep in mind is that it's not going to happen automatically. It would be nice if when Elul came around each and every one of us would suddenly shift gears and be in "teshuva mode" and just start changing. But it doesn't work that way at all! It takes thought, time and work. Even if you know you have to work on certain things (don't we all have things we have to work on?), the only way for change to happen is with work!

So where do you begin?

The good thing is, you know it's Elul and you know that you have things to work on. So that's already a start. Now you have to move on to the active part of turning the changes you want to see in yourself into a reality. One thing to do is to take baby steps. Do things slowly. Slow change lasts. When you do things too quickly (too much too fast), it can become overwhelming and then you will end up slipping back (possibly lower than when you started because it gives you a feeling of hopelessness and then you end up giving up) and that's not good.

Pick something you know you are good at and work on improving it one little bit.
You have a friendly personality? Greet people with a smile. Engage in conversation with somoeone. Cheer up the people you are around.
You are able to write well? Write out something inspiring email it to your friends.
You have free time on your hands and love old people? Visit them in the hospital or nursing home once a week.
Any talent or quality that you do have can be built upon and improved so that you become better in that area.

Then, look at the thing(s) you know you need to work on. You need to really be into it - think about it every single day at a certain time and come up with a plan on how you are going to fix yourself. Tell yourself that once a day, you want to make sure you don't stumble in that area.
It's hard for me to be specific when I don't have real examples that relate to you, but I can try to give you some of my own examples.

Click here to continue on to part 2.