Flame of Hope

There are many answers to the famous question of the Bais Yosef. If there was enough oil to last for one day, why do we celebrate Chanukah for eight days if the miracle was only for the seven extra days that the oil burned?

There is a powerful lesson to be learned from that first day. 

We are commemorating the fact that those Jews even bothered lighting the oil they had on that first day. They could have said, if we only have enough oil for one day and it'll take eight days to get new oil, we'll light it the day before we have new oil so we will have continuous light from the day we light it. But a Jew doesn't work that way. A Jew doesn't look at his resources and decide what the outcome will be based on the facts. He relies on Hashem for results. He does the best he can with whatever he has and leaves the rest in Hashem's hands.

This is what we are celebrating. And we remember this lesson each year when we celebrate Chanukah for eight days instead of seven. That first day is what we are celebrating. It's not extra. It's essential. It helps us internalize that no matter how dark things are or how challenging our lives are, we do whatever we can with the resources we have and have faith in Hashem that things will work out in the best possible way.

We all have goals, hopes and dreams. And sometimes we don't know how we'll ever be able to accomplish the things we want. What we want seems too difficult to achieve. 

But we have to try. We need to put our best foot forward and utilize whatever little abilities we have to start. And then we trust in Hashem to help us reach the finish line.

This is what those Jews did so many years ago. They didn't have enough oil to last for eight days, until they'd have more, pure oil. But it didn't matter. They lit what they had and Hashem allowed that light, and essentially the flame of hope and faith, to remain lit until they'd have more oil to keep the menorah's light glowing.

It's the first day of Chanukah that we are memorializing. That's the day that is most important to all the days that come afterwards. It's the day that infuses hope into the rest of this holiday and into the darkness of our lives. The first day teaches us to take that first step when we are scared, to try when we are unsure if we'll succeed. Because ultimately, it's our emunah when things are tough that will help us pull through and keep trying.

May we be able to take this lesson to heart, have hope when things are dark, and try even when we don't have enough resources to achieve the outcome we're hoping for. And may Hashem reward us for having faith in Him by exceeding our hopes and dreams!

Happy Chanukah! 

Microscopic

The following poem was written by Sarala Pollack. I'm sure it will inspire you as much as it inspired me!

A tiny microscopic germ,

Inflicts so many,

Keep us in our house,

Does not allow us to interact,

Has changed our lives, while trying to keep intact,

Thought it's tiny,

Its potential is so great,

It created such a scare,

Do not go near me, don't dare!

So tiny, yet it has changed our lives

So small, yet it has dictated what we do,

We, precious human beings,

Children of Hashem,

We may think we're tiny, so small,

We may think we're just nothing at all,

I'm just but like the many starts in the sky, we think,

Who am I, amongst so many stars?

But that's precisely who are we are,

Our value, our worth,

So vast, unlimited,

So bright and shining,

So precious and unique in our own way,

So special, it would be a sin to forget it all,

So, as we're home,

Let's contemplate our unlimited worth,

Let's embrace ourselves,

Let's shine in ways that may seem "microscopic" but are truly not,

Let's shine, smile, laugh, sing, create and let ourselves break through

A Lesson in Parenting

There's always a first time, right?

But to me, this little encounter was surprising and upsetting at first; it was enlightening and empowering at the end.

I was in a toy store with my baby and I was bouncing him up the steps in the stroller. In the past, any time I was in a public place with a staircase and my baby, someone offered to help me.

When I went to shul for a kiddush and was bouncing the stroller down the steps to the simcha hall, someone offered to help me.

When I was walking up the steps to a friend's house and someone saw me with the stroller, he offered a helping hand.

And this time, this woman watched me bounce up the steps one by one and waited patiently as I slowly made my way up the steps. She followed along with me, but didn't gesture or offer a helping hand.

It was surprising, but I continued on my way as she conversed with her little girl about the toys in the shop. 

A few moments later, I watched as her daughter bumped into a box from a neatly stacked pile of toys and continued on, without turning back to pick up the box she knocked over. My own little girl rushed to straighten out the boxes.

Okay, it happens, I thought to myself.

But when that happened a second time, I wasn't so sure. When the same girl casually continued looking at the toys on display after knocking something down a second time, I knew this wasn't a coincidence.

And I thought about it.

I realized how much power and influence we parents have over our children.

Children learn more from what we do than from what we say.

When we model good behavior, they will follow in our ways.

And when we model carelessness and disregard for another's feelings, our children will do the same.

It's not her daughter's fault that no one ever taught her to look out for other people. She was just following what she saw from her own mother.

Now, I'm not judging this woman and there can be numerous reasons for why she didn't offer to help.

Maybe she has back problems and can't lift anything heavy.

Maybe she has other health issues that would prevent her from offering the specific type of help I could have used.

But after seeing this young girl exhibit the exact same carelessness as her mother, I took this very powerful and empowering message for myself as a parent.

We can tell our children all the right things.

We can lecture them about how to act in private and how to behave in public.

But the most profound way to teach them is by modeling the behavior we want them to emulate.

We can tell them not to yell at their siblings when they're upset, but if we yell at them when we are angry, what will they learn to do? We need to work on ourselves to maintain our own inner calm, even when we're stressed, annoyed or angry. 

We can speak about the importance of honesty, forgiveness, responsibility and all the other good virtues, but the best way for them to really internalize their importance is by modeling honesty, by being forgiving and taking responsibly for our actions.

They will learn to trust in Hashem and to believe that everything that happens is for the good if they see us responding to difficult situations with words of emunah and faith. With actions that show we believe Hashem runs the world and we have faith in Him. 

It's in our hands to help the next generation acquire the skills they need to navigate the complex world we live in. We can help them succeed by working on our own selves.

May we be able to do the hard work so we can be in the best place possible on an emotional level, on a spiritual level and on every level in between. And may our children follow in our positive ways.

Parshas Terumah

The measurements of the aron were all in half amos. The aron, which had the luchos inside, represents someone who studies Torah.

We see from here that someone who learns Torah always feels a small sense of incompleteness. No matter how much we learn, we remain humble with the knowledge that there is so much more to learn. Torah is so deep and so vast. As soon as we touch on one topic, we realize there is so much we didn't know. This makes us feel so in awe of how much more there is to learn and know and grow!

May we be able to keep our thirst for Torah alive and continue to delve into the beauty and depth of the Torah!

Parshas Toldos

When Eisav came in from the field tired and hungry, he agreed to sell the bechorah in exchange for lentil soup. He gave up something eternal and got something fleeting instead.

When we are tired, hungry or stressed, we don't have the clarity to make good decisions. We might say or do things we will later regret. It takes a lot of work to be able to maintain an inner sense of calm but when we can do that, we will be in complete control of ourselves and our reactions. We will be able to respond to people with calm logic instead of reacting with emotional intensity. 

May we be able to pay attention to our inner selves and regulate our emotions in a healthy way so we can deal with all situations calmly and with clarity!

The Most Meaningful Birthday

Today was my hebrew birthday. 

It's a different birthday than other years. 

I think back to the time when I used to be able to feel something different on this special day. It used to feel meaningful. I'd wake up in the morning and I'd feel like I can imbue meaning and spirituality into my day.

I would daven the full davening, slowly and with concentration.

Today, I only davened the brachos. I'm lucky to be at this stage. A mommy, and a busy one too. My daughter was home; her school has mid winter break. She needed me and my attention, I had to put my siddur away.

I thought back to the birthday I celebrated while I was in seminary in Eretz Yisroel. It was so meaningful. So spiritual. Such an uplifting day. I heard from other girls that it's a nice thing to say the whole tehillim on your birthday. So when I saw my birthday fell out on shabbos that year, I thought I might be able to do it. And I pushed myself to do it. 

I spent the shabbos of my hebrew birthday in Yerushalayim that week, not too far from the kosel, and I went to the kosel on shabbos and was able to complete the entire sefer tehillim in one day. At the holiest place in the holiest city.

It was a spiritually uplifting experience. That moment when I closed my tehillim and stepped away from those holy stones, feeling like I just accomplished something big...It was special. 

And now? I can't daven like I used to. I can't even daven shemona esrei! My kids need to be watched at all times and if I so much as try to pull out a siddur to entertain the thought of a meaningful prayer, they make sure to put me in my place. Either it's a fight or a needy kvetch, but it's always something.

I remember the time we were staying at my Grandmother's new apartment and I decided to take out a siddur and daven an amidah prayer. All was quiet so I thought, why not? I was up to magen avraham when I felt a hard bang on my head. My son had found a metal pole that was in the door to the backyard (usually put there to keep the kids from opening the door, but you can't put anything past my kids!) And he hit me with it. I don't know if he realized what he was doing, but I got the message. Loud and clear. This was not the time to try to daven. I never had to be "hit over the head" again to understand my role. I need to take care of my kids and be there for them, not with a siddur but always with a prayer on my lips, in my own language.

It took time for me to acknowledge and accept that this is my tafkid right now. Davening with a siddur is not for now. Now my job is to look after my children, Hashem's children, and to make sure they are safe, happy and healthy. 

I can still daven. And I do. I just can't take out a siddur and rely on the ancient verses established by the anshei kneses hagedolah.

I can talk to Hashem from my heart. And I do. Throughout my day, I can ask Him for the things I need and thank Him for the things He gives me.

I know that as a Jewish woman, my job is to uplift the physical to a spiritual level. That's my role. I taught that to my students and I continue to teach it to myself. To remind myself.

When my sister told me that she met someone who davens for each of her children as she folds their laundry, I thought, "I love that! That is such a powerful yet simple way to elevate a mundane job into something more meaningful."
And I try to remember to do it too.

(And I forget half the time :) Cuz I'm a mommy and my brain is on overload.)

So this year, although it may not be as spiritually elevating for me, I can accept that this is exactly where Hashem put me and this is my role. No, not to daven and say tehillim all day. I can start each day with a small prayer, and then I move on to the regular tasks of a mother. And I can give my kids a good time, help them learn how to interact with others in a peaceful way, making a kiddush Hashem wherever we go. I can imbue them with a love for Hashem, the Torah and His mitzvos. 

And I can give my readers a bracha :). It may not be as long as my old ones, because bh I'm too busy for that, but it's still my wishes for you. 

May you be able to find fulfilment in whatever you do and may you be able to uplift every physical activity to something more meaningful. May you feel at peace with your role but never fully at peace with yourself, always climbing higher and setting new goals for your life. May you be able to strengthen your emunah in Hashem and believe that every single thing He does is for the good.

And most importantly, may you have health and strength to be able to live your life to the fullest.

The Present

The following was written by Sarala, a very unique and special individual. She shared it with me and gave me permission to post it so you can also be inspired.

The Present is a Present

A young couple was eating out in a restaurant. After a few moments of pleasant chatting, their food arrived. Starving, they each dived in but abruptly stopped in their tracks when they noticed a piece of paper neatly folded into 4 sections. They each opened it up and read it. It read: “The Present Moment is a Present. Use it Wisely.”

The couple looked at each other questioningly. They didn’t have to comment. The look on their faces verbalized their thoughts. “What in the world?? What is this??” They slowly recovered and regained their composure and read the note a couple of more times. They remembered that their food was waiting for them and quickly dived in. But this time it was done a bit differently: They recited a bracha slowly and carefully while trying to understand its meaning.

While this story is made up, the message is very clear and relevant to us. How many times do we lose sight of precious moments and squander many opportunities? How many of us fall into the trap of boredom when we can easily channel the moment into something elevated?

I would like to share a personal example to bring this point home:

I take the city bus to work. The bus ride is not long at all; it’s about 10 minutes. All too often, I find myself thinking about what I can/should do and therefore, lose the moment. When I catch myself, I shift my attention to the present moment and try to experience it as much as I can. For example, I take note of the cold air on my face. I challenge myself to observe my surroundings – the trees, flowers, cars and people passing by. Although this sounds simple and elementary, it is extremely important. It’s vital that we observe, take note and enjoy each moment. Because, The Present is a Present.

Food For Thought: Hashem gave us all the same amount of seconds. The difference lies in how we choose to use them.

The equation below is copied and pasted from: https://www.rapidtables.com/calc/time/seconds-in-day.html

1 day = 24 hours/day × 60 minutes/hour × 60 seconds/minute = 86400 seconds/day. 

Let's use the many seconds in our day to enjoy the presents we've been given, by living in the present!

The Dreidel

Someone sent this to me and I want to share it with you. 

The dreidel has an important message. It spins and when it falls we can only see the one upper side of the dreidel. 

Life seems to be spinning and we are sometimes caught up in a whirlwind. We have to remember that just as when the dreidel falls, we can only see one side of it, so too in life we can never see the full view. With our very limited vision we can only see and perceive one angle, but we know there is far more than meets the eye and that Hashem always has a master plan. There is far more to the picture than we can see, so we put our faith in Hashem. We know and believe He is the One who turns the wheel of life and He Who creates and can see the whole picture can perform for us Nissim which to us with our limited vision may seem impossible.

So if things is life don't seem to be falling on Gimmel, DON'T GIVE UP - the One Who keeps the world spinning can also spin miracles - בימים ההם בזמן הזה.

Tzom Gedalia

Here's a short thought and a practical lesson we can take from today's fast day.

We fasted because the tzaddik Gedalia was killed on this day. He was warned beforehand that someone was planning to kill him but he didn't believe the Lashon Hara nor did he investigate to see if there was any truth to it. 

We learn from here that there are times to ask questions, to see if something negative we heard is true-in order to protect ourselves. We can't have an "absolutely no Lashon Hara"  policy. 

Extremes are not good; everything must be done in moderation. 

Maybe this day comes right after Rosh Hashana, when we start to accept new changes upon ourselves so we can be aware: STOP! Don't take too much upon yourself. Do good, make changes, but don't go to crazy extremes or you may end up hurt in the end!

Have a meaningful next few days of slow, gradual changes!

Believe

I love this! It's too good and I had to pass it on. I hope you will like it as much as I do.

Question:

How can a rational, thinking person believe in G‑d, when there is absolutely no evidence for His existence? Today we have X-ray, radar, satellites, infrared photography, ultrasound imaging, gamma-ray telescopes and CCTV, and yet we still have found no trace of G‑d. If He is supposed to be everywhere, why is He nowhere to be seen? My logic says, if you are nowhere, you don't exist...

Answer:
By R' Aron Moss

Being everywhere doesn't make you easy to find. On the contrary, logic says that if you are everywhere, it's as if you're nowhere. A bit like our fridge.

As our family grew, we needed more fridge space, so we bought an old fridge online. It was a bargain. We soon found out why. When we plugged it in, it started humming quite loudly. At first, we thought we couldn't live with this constant, monotonous buzz coming from the kitchen. But in a day or two, we didn't even notice it anymore.

You can only hear a noise if that noise sometimes goes silent. But if it's always there, it's like it’s not there at all. If you would ask our kids what that buzzing noise coming from the fridge was, they wouldn't even know what you were talking about. When you live with a noisy fridge, buzzing is silence.

It's the same with G‑d. We live in a reality where the buzz of G‑d is everywhere. There is no place devoid of Him, no moment when He is absent. So of course we can't detect Him. You can only detect the presence of something if you can detect its absence. The very definition of finding something is knowing where it is, but for that you have to know where it isn't. As the Baal Shem Tov taught, G‑d is all and all is G‑d. There is nowhere that he isn't. So we never see Him, because we are always looking right at Him.

This leads to an interesting conclusion. It's not that you can't see G‑d. You actually can't miss Him. It just depends how you are looking. Put down your telescope and look at your life. You'll see He's been right there all along.

Competition

I want to share a great lesson on this week's parsha, Parshas Naso, with you.

When the second Nasi gave his korban, he could have given something nicer or better. But he chose to give the exact same korban as the Nasi before him-to make sure there would be no competition...which leads to jealousy and bad feelings. And all the other Nesi'im followed his lead and did the same.

The Torah is so careful with every letter and word yet it repeats the korban of each Nasi even though they were all the same! We learn from this how much Hashem values this middah and that we should try to emulate it in our own lives. 

Some things don't have to be shared with everyone. The second something happens in your life, does half the world need to hear about it on Facebook or Twitter? How much about your personal life should be shared on Instagram or on Snapchat? Can you find a way to use any of these to spread positivity, to share things people will remember because of the impact it leaves? People don't really care what you had for breakfast. Sharing pictures of your latest vacation may cause feelings of jealousy and competition. 

Just because you have more doesn't mean you need to show it off. Hashem blessed you with looks? Brains? If you did well on an exam, does everyone have to know about it? If you can afford to shop for things that are more expensive, do you need to tell everyone just how much you spent on your does, clothing or accessories? There's a certain measure of humility it takes to keep that inside and thank Hashem that you can pay for these things.

And...there is tremendous value to lowering your standards so others wont feel the need to keep up. You can afford more? You can make a bigger simcha? There are plenty of others who can't. There are plenty of families who are struggling. If you keep it simple, you are setting a standard that other people may be able to keep to. They will respect you more. It's not money that earns real respect, it's character. 

I read a story a while back that inspired me so much and I want to share it with you. The organization Adopt A Kollel got an unusual donation amount every month. It wasn't the typical $36, $180 or $360. It was an odd number with dollars and cents. Something like $147.63. They called the donor to ask him what the reason behind this donation was and this was his answer. He explained that he was going to lease a more expensive model car but when he thought about the struggling families in Eretz Yisroel, he decided to forgo the nicer car and lease a cheaper one instead. And he sent the difference between the car he originally wanted and the car he chose to this organization...down to the last penny...every single month. What a donation! 

This man chose to lower his standards and use the extra money to help families in Eretz Yisroel who really need it. What a powerful message!

May you be able to take a lesson from this week's parsha and apply it to your own life by keeping some things to yourself or just sharing with close friends and family, not showing off the good you have, and lowering the bar so there's less pressure for those around you to keep up.

Have a good shabbos!

Davening For Others

Although Purim is over, we can continue to take messages from this special time throughout the month of Adar...and beyond. I want to share one powerful lesson right from Megillas Esther with you.

Before Queen Esther went to face Achashveirosh, she told Mordechai she would be fasting and asked him to have the Jews fast and daven too. She had not been called by the king in 30 days and feared for her life. If he would not stick out his royal scepter in favor of his queen, she'd be put to death. It was terrifying.

At the same time, the Jews also had the threat of death hanging over their heads. As per Haman's decree, all Jews were to be killed on the fourteenth day of Adar. One reason for this terrible gezaira was because the Jews ate at the party of Achashveirosh. To be mechaper for this aveirah of eating and drinking, the Jews did not eat or drink for three days and nights. They were allowed to do other things that are forbidden on some fasts, like smearing creams and lotions because that was not part of their original sin. When they fasted and davened, they did teshuva and returned to Hashem with all their hearts, accepting the Torah upon themselves with love.

It is interesting that when Esther sent the message to Mordechai to have everyone fast, the words used are, "tzumu alay"-fast for me. Why did she say "for me"? 

We know, "hamispalel b'ad chaveiro..." if someone davens for someone else and they need the same thing, they are answered first. Why? How does this work?

In shamayim, they are so used to hearing people daven for things they need. When someone davens for another person, it makes a huge impact Up There.

When you daven for a friend, it's because you are in pain that they are having it hard. When Hashem sees that u care so much about someone else, to the extent that their pain becomes yours, that you take the time to daven for them, He looks at you and says, what about what YOU are going thru? I'm going to give you, the one davening, a yeshuah. 

Esther's message to the Mordechai was, if the Jews daven for me that I shouldn't die when I go to Achashveirosh and they are supposed to die, Hashem will save them from the decree of death! By focusing on Esther's pain and fears when they too are experiencing pain and don't know if they will live or die, Hashem will look down at them and remove the terrible gezaira from all of them.

Why do we daven for others? Because we want to have our own tefillos answered or because we genuinely care?

Why do we give tzeddakah? So that we should get the shidduch/job/yeshuah we're waiting for within a specified amount of time or because we want to become givers?

We (should) daven for others because we really care about what they are going through. We (should) give tzeddakah because we want to become more sensitive and more giving to others...not so we can get the yeshuah we are waiting for within a certain time frame.

May we be able to do good things for the right reasons, davening for others and watching those tefillos (and our own) get answered, becoming more sensitive and caring human beings.

Isn't that what life's about?

A Message of Hope

I'm in the kitchen. Baking. Listening to music.

I'm listening to a great song. One with a message.

I wrote about that song before. It's called Conversation in the Womb and is about two unborn children-both unsure about the next world. One is an optimist and one a pessimist.

Just as the song finishes, I crack open an egg and see...twin eggs.

I crack eggs all the time. When are they ever twins? Just about never. But this time, there they are. Cute, two little yellow yolks in one eggshell.

I think about the song I just listened to, that I so quickly dismissed as soon as the next song started to play. I want to internalize this message.

I think about the climax of the song. When the optimist baby gives out a scream because he has finally entered the next stage of life. The pessimist, hearing the piercing cry, assumes it's all over, his brother must have died. But this is not death, it is actually an entrance into a whole, new, beautiful life. 

In life, we go through challenges. We can either be pessimistic about the tests we've been given, thinking of them as the end. 

The screams of pain...what are they? 

Does that mean everything is all over?

The optimist says, No, it's not over. This is just a new beginning. The beginning of a whole new life.

Yes, we are tested in life. Yes, sometimes we need to cry out. But that cry should be a message to us...a message of hope.

When things get tough and you wonder how you will go on, try to look at it with this new perspective. 

These specific challenges are here to form you. To create you. They will give you a whole new life. Your life will not be the same as it used to be, sitting in a protective little bubble. Now that you've been exposed to the harsh realities of this world, look at is as a chance for rebirth. For renewal. You are on your way to becoming a new being.

The optimist realizes that the pain he is experiencing is the pain of transition. But this transition will open up a new world for him. No longer will he be protected by his mother. He will now step out into this world and have the opportunity to become a different person. To laugh, to play, to interact, to make a difference.

The pessimist sees this cry, the pain of challenge as the end. This is it. There is no life past this. He cannot even deal with the thought of transition. 

Let us try to be like the optimist, realizing and internalizing that change, although hard, can bring us to better places. Transition is painful. But by going through that difficult phase, we can become different people. We won't be stuck in patterns of the past. We will be able to create new realities for ourselves in our lives.

Two eggs in the shell. Two babies in the womb. A message of hope.

Airplane Musings

I'm in the car on the way home from the airport. It's been an incredible trip to Eretz Yisroel for my older sister Chaya Sara's wedding. As we ride home, we look out the window for airplanes. The kids love spotting them in the sky and we take turns guessing if the plane is landing or just took off.

"The plane is so tiny," my son says.

"Could you believe we were just up on the sky in one of those tiny looking airplanes?"

And we talk about it. How all airplanes are really so much bigger than they look...because they are so far away. When we are inside, we can see their true size, but when we are down on the ground they appear to be so little and tiny.

This gets me thinking.

I think about people.

I think about every person.

Every person on this world has so much in them. So much depth, so much history, so much to offer and so much to share. From far, before you get to know them, they might seem so little. There might not appear to be more to them than their external.

She? She's so yeshivish.

Too frum for my liking.

Oh, her? That girl? That woman? That teenager?

She looks like she could use a little lecture in [shmiras halashon, anger management, tznius, hilchos shabbos...]

There's so much we don't know about the people we meet.

We may think we see, we may think we have an idea, but really, that first encounter is just a scratch on the surface. We are seeing people at a distance.

She may look like she has it all, but do you know how much she is struggling inside?

When you get to know the person, the real person inside, you can get to see how big they truly are. Their past, their upbringing, their challenges, their successes. All this, and more, is what makes them so much bigger than they appear to be.

She may look so yeshivish, but do you know what it took for her to get there? Do you have any idea what kind of home she grew up in, how she struggled to stay strong even when she could have gone under? Do you know that she could relate to challenges you are struggling with because of her history and the life and home she chose to build for herself? She's so much more than just her outside dress. Get to know her. Look past the clothing and shy smile. See what a deep, incredible person you are encountering.

All of us have depth. Each of us are more than just a tiny speck in this vast world of humanity. We may look small in a crowd of people, but each of us is really big. We are big because of the challenges we overcame, the middos we have worked on and the people we are striving to become. We each have so much to offer, so much to give and so much power to affect those around us in a positive way.

*    *    *

I think about the Torah.

From a distance, the Torah seems so small. How much is in those five little books? How much can it encompass?

But as one gets closer, they start to realize how much is in those five little books. So so much. The Torah is so vast, it is so deep, everything is in it.

"Hafoch ba v'Hafoch ba"

Keep looking.

Keep searching.

Keep questioning.

Keep challenging.

Everything is in it.

Halachos about how to treat each other, how to deal with other people's money, how to respect our parents, how to work on ourselves...It's all there.

There are practical lessons for life found in every pasha. I find them...Every week.

Advice, chizuk, knowledge, depth, the Torah is so full. Once one starts to get closer to the Torah, they begin to realize how little they know and how much there is to gain. The more one reads and studies, the more they will see how much there is to still attain.

From afar, the Torah may seem quite small. But the closer a person gets to this never-ending wellspring of knowledge and depth, the more they will see how vast the Torah truly is.

May you be able to see, to know, to explore and understand this special gift called the Torah and may it enrich your life in so many ways!

History

Rosh Hashana is almost here. I wanted to post something I wrote before since the message applies to this time...

My son is making a puppet show with some stuffed animals. He picks up the Pooh bear. 

"What does Winnie the Pooh like to eat?" I ask. I'm sure he doesn't know. I never told him.

"Honey!" He smiles. 

When I ask him how he knew that, he tells me that two years ago, his morah read him a book and showed his class a video about Winnie the Pooh.

Two years ago? And this kid remembers?

I know my son. And I know he has a good memory. He is extremely observant and doesn't forget little details. But still, for him to remember that Pooh loves to eat honey...it gets me thinking.

The things we look at, the books we read, the websites we visit, the videos we watch, the music we listen to,  the billboards we look at, all these things make an impression on us. They stay with us forever. 

 *   *   *

Have you ever checked your browsing history on your computer? Press Ctrl and H on your keyboard at the same time and you will see a comprehensive list of all the websites you've visited along with the dates and times you clicked on the pages.

Employers can use this-and other more sophisticated means-to check up on their employees to see what they are up to during down time at work.

Parents can check up on their children to see what they are doing while they are online.

There is a record of everything you do, every link you click on, every page you access.

Sure, you can go incognito.

Yes, you can try to hide your tracks, visiting webpages using anonymous browsers.

And you can delete your browsing history when you are done your session.

But...Hashem has a record.

Hashem sees every single thing you do. 

Every single page you visit. 

Every single click of your mouse.

Glance of your eyes.

Hashem keeps track of every action you take-online, at home, at school, at work and in the privacy of your home.

Wherever you are, Hashem is watching.

Da ma l'ma'alah mimcha-ayin ro'ah v'ozen shoma'as v'chol ma'asecha beseifer nichtavim. Know what is above you-an eye that sees, an ear that hears, and all your actions are written in a book-a book that records everything, that doesn't miss out on a single thing.

It's a pretty scary thought.

Hashem watches everything. 

Hashem remembers everything.

There is no deleting what you saw, listened to, heard or watched. 

My son...he has a pretty good memory. I am sometimes shocked by the things he can recall, the little details he reminds me of that I don't remember.

The computer...it keep track of everything. Every click, every page, every visit.

But...Hashem...He is way beyond all that. 

He sees all and He doesn't forget.

Ever.

History

My son is making a puppet show with some stuffed animals. He picks up the Pooh bear. 

"What does Winnie the Pooh like to eat?" I ask. I'm sure he doesn't know. I never told him.

"Honey!" He smiles. 

When I ask him how he knew that, he tells me that two years ago, his morah read him a book and showed his class a video about Winnie the Pooh.

Two years ago? And this kid remembers?

I know my son. And I know he has a good memory. He is extremely observant and doesn't forget little details. But still, for him to remember that Pooh loves to eat honey...it gets me thinking.

The things we look at, the books we read, the websites we visit, the videos we watch, the music we listen to,  the billboards we look at, all these things make an impression on us. They stay with us forever. 

 *   *   *

Have you ever checked your browsing history on your computer? Press Ctrl and H on your keyboard at the same time and you will see a comprehensive list of all the websites you've visited along with the dates and times you clicked on the pages.

Employers can use this-and other more sophisticated means-to check up on their employees to see what they are up to during down time at work.

Parents can check up on their children to see what they are doing while they are online.

There is a record of everything you do, every link you click on, every page you access.

Sure, you can go incognito.

Yes, you can try to hide your tracks, visiting webpages using anonymous browsers.

And you can delete your browsing history when you are done your session.

But...Hashem has a record.

Hashem sees every single thing you do. 

Every single page you visit. 

Every single click of your mouse.

Glance of your eyes.

Hashem keeps track of every action you take-online, at home, at school, at work and in the privacy of your home.

Wherever you are, Hashem is watching.

Da ma l'ma'alah mimcha-ayin ro'ah v'ozen shoma'as v'chol ma'asecha beseifer nichtavim. Know what is above you-an eye that sees, an ear that hears, and all your actions are written in a book-a book that records everything, that doesn't miss out on a single thing.

It's a pretty scary thought.

Hashem watches everything. 

Hashem remembers everything.

There is no deleting what you saw, listened to, heard or watched. 

My son...he has a pretty good memory. I am sometimes shocked by the things he can recall, the little details he reminds me of that I don't remember.

The computer...it keep track of everything. Every click, every page, every visit.

But...Hashem...He is way beyond all that. 

He sees all and He doesn't forget.

Ever.

The Little Leaf

We live near a train station. From our window, we can watch the trains come and go. My little Moishy loves watching them. He gets all excited when he hears the engine of another train coming, stops what he is doing and runs to the window shouting "tchayy".

Recently, we started adding a "look out for trains session" before he takes his nap. Moishy sits on my lap and we look out the window together, waiting for the next train to come. We wave "hi" together and then say "ba-bye" to the train as it disappears from view.

Sometimes, many times, a train pulls up the second we sit down together and look out the window. Other times, it takes a little longer. But...so many times the train comes right away.

And I wonder...I think about the famous story about a rebbe who went on a walk with his chassidim in the forest. One chassid asked his rebbe why so many leaves were falling off the trees. The rebbe said he would watch out for the next leaf that fell and give him an answer.

As they continued to walk, another leaf slowly fluttered down to the ground. 

When the rebbe lifted up the leaf and saw a little worm under it, he explained the following, "This little worm was crawling in the forest and the sun was beating down its back. It was uncomfortable. So it called out to Hashem and cried, "Please Hashem, I am so uncomfortable. I am so small. I don't know what to do to help myself. Please, help me. Only YOU can help me." And so, Hashem commanded the wind to blow over all the trees in that forest. The wind blew and blew until it shook the leaves of one tree and one leaf detached from its branch and slowly fell to the ground. It swished this way and that until finally, it fell down...right on top of the little worm."

R' Yom Tov Ehrlich sings this song in yiddish. I don't remember the whole song, but I do remember the beautiful words at the end. Un der kleineh veremel iz eingeshlufin zees-loosely translated as-and the little worm fell asleep ever so softly...comfortable now, shielded from the blazing sun.

I love repeating this story to my children. It's such a good message for them to hear-again and again. They need to know that every little thing is calculated. Every leaf that falls down to the ground has a purpose. That Hashem takes care of every single person. If Hashem cares so much about the comfort of one little worm who called out to Him in prayer, don't you think He cares about each one of us? How important it is for us to call out to Hashem when we are uncomfortable. How it doesn't matter if it's something small, like if we are cold or hot or itchy or whatever, we can ask Hashem for anything. Nothing is too small for Him. And He cares. And He listens. And He answers....sometimes. (I don't tell them about the sometimes yet...they are not old enough to understand that there is so much that we cannot understand. :))

And I wonder...while I am sitting there on the bed with Moishy on my lap, looking out for the next train to come, is that too calculated? 

I wonder...there are so many people waiting for the next train. Some of them are in a rush, some of them are in no rush at all, many of them busy with their phones, tablets and games. Perhaps some people take a few steps forward and look out to see if the train is coming, if it is at the next station.

When the train finally does come, is that calculated for my little boy? Is that Hashem's way of giving over this message? I wonder if He's saying to all the passengers waiting to move on with their day, to get to work, to shop, back home or wherever they need to go...You need to wait another 30 seconds. There is a mother getting her son's pacifier and blanket together and they will be looking out the window in another few moments. This train has to come at that precise minute. Just another few seconds and your train will arrive...so that mommy and baby can come to the window and see the train at the exact moment that they sit down together.

Is this also part of Hashem's plan?

I like to think it is. It makes me feel loved and cared for.

It helps me see Hashem in the little things. So that when I have a hard time seeing Him in the bigger things, in this big confusing world I live in, I can know without a doubt that every single thing is calculated. That He knows what He is doing. Even when I don't see it. Even when I don't understand.

While I wait for the train to come roaring down the tracks, I have the daily opportunity to remind myself that Hashem  IS there. He IS watching. He IS taking care of me...of my little baby...and He is watching over the whole world with precision that can only be attributed to Hashem Himself. 

Thank you, Hashem, for this reminder.

Statistics

Tonight is the first night of Chanukah. 

There are so many messages to take from this eight-day holiday that illuminates our long, dark winter. 

Besides for the miracle of the Chanukah lights-that although there was only enough oil for one night, it burned for an additional seven nights, there was also an amazing victory of rabbim beyad me'atim-the large army was given over into the hands of the few. The Jews had no chance of winning this war, yet they went out and fought. They placed their trust in Hashem, davened to Him and did what they had to do.

What a lesson for us to take! 

As Jews, we need to stop holding on to studies and statistics and place our trust in Hashem. We need to do our hishtadlus, do what needs to be done in our personal situations and then let go of all those predictions.

There are statistics now for just about everything.

The amount of car accidents, infant deaths, people living with depression...the list goes on and on.

The percentage of Americans who are still unemployed, searching for jobs.

Statistics can be frightening. They can make us look at the numbers and give up hope.

The amount of people who will never recover from specific cancers.

The amount of people who will be diagnosed with cancer at some point in their lives. 
I just heard a crazy statistic for that. One in two people will have a diagnosis. Does that make sense?! How could a human being live with such a fear...knowing that they might be one of the two "chosen" to deal with a life-threatening illness? And the way they say it can be prevented it is by taking care of our bodies, eating healthfully and going to a doctor every so often to make sure our bodies are in check. But assuming we do all that, we can't know what will be. We must remember that ultimately our health is in Hashem's hands. 

There are studies for how many people die each year from unnatural causes. 

For the amount of babies born with birth defects or health issues.

And for the amount of families living below the poverty level.

And for the effects of certain foods on our bodies-to the extent that if everything is taken so literally, I think we would stop eating each fruit and vegetable and live on water alone because there is a danger connected to every single one. Many of them can increase the intensity of migraines (if you are one of those who suffer from them) and stopping to eat just about everything should be able to make them go away, right? :) And no chocolate of course! Who can live without chocolate? Not I... :-)

There are statistics stating how many children grow up in single parent homes, whether because of separation, divorce or the death of one of their parents. 

It's scary to see these numbers.

And then someone came along and added to these statistics-the percentage of girls who will never get married. That made me really angry. How could they publish studies like this and take away the hope of girls who are waiting to move on with their lives?? Did they take into account that there is a Ribbono Shel Olam who runs the world and that He designated someone for everyone? There are girls who get married for the first time to someone who was married before. Was that taken into account too? The amount of men who either lost their wives or got divorced and were looking to remarry...and married one of those single girls? I'm not saying this is the only answer, but statistics like these upset me. If publicizing the numbers the way it was done will cause more pain to girls in shidduchim, I don't know that it was the right thing to do.

At the end of the day, we must remember Who is in charge, Who runs the show.

And this is the message we can take from Chanukah.

As Jews, we need to release our grasp on those numbers and strengthen our hold on Hashem. We need to rely on doctors, shadchanim, neighbors and friends a little less and depend on Hashem a little more.

The chashmonaim didn't take the numbers into account. If they would have had a full count of the amount of soldiers and elephants coming towards them, would they have tried to lift an arrow? But they went out. And they fought. 

And they won.

Rabbim beyad me'atim.

Because statistics don't mean anything when Hashem is the one fighting.

And when they went searching for a jug of oil and there was none to be found, did they give up hope and say it was statistically impossible to find one? 

No. 

They kept searching.

And when they found just one, they lit it, even though from a statistical standpoint there was no chance for the menorah to keep burning until they would have more oil to light it again.

And it stayed lit.

Because when Hashem is keeping the flame alive, it will not get extinguished.

This Chanukah, when you stand before the menorah and watch the man of the house light it-or if you will be home lighting on your own, take this message of emunah into your hearts. Let your faith in Hashem go up one notch as you internalize this powerful message of Chanukah. Of never giving up hope. Of letting go of the numbers. Of holding on to Hashem.

Because statistically, realistically, He can do anything.

Happy Chanukah!

Rosh Chodesh Adar

Today is Rosh Chodesh Adar. 

It is the first day of the month when we increase the happiness and joy we feel in our hearts. It is a month where our nation experienced a miracle and we go into the month hoping for personal miracles in our own lives and the lives of those around us. 

We can learn many lessons this month, if we just delve into some of the details of the story of Purim. We see so clearly the incredible power of sincere tefillah-how at a time of uncertainty and despair, Mordechai gathered the little children together and they poured out their hearts to the Only One who could help them...and they merited to see the yeshuah in a way they never would have imagined.

We see how the ways of Hashem are mysterious and there is so much we cannot understand...until we take a step back and look at the whole picture.

The story of Purim took nine years to play out. Of course it's easy for us to see the Yad Hashem in all of it! We are reading the whole book, the whole megillah, so when we read the part of Esther HaMalka being chosen as the new queen, it all makes sense to us. We know how it will end...we know how she was the catalyst, the one to bring the ultimate yeshuah in the Purim story to all of Klal Yisroel. But did she know it? Did she have any idea why she was the one chosen, of all the beautiful women and girls, to be the one to marry Achashveirosh?

This was the refuah lifnei hamakah.This was Hashem's way of setting up the positive outcome of the Purim story. Esther entering the palace of Achashveirosh as his new queen seemed like the most terrible thing that could have happened to her. Yet, this turned out to be a great bracha-because through her, so much good came to the entire nation. It was only because she was the queen that she was able to save the Jews from Haman's evil plans.

Hashem wanted to bring Klal Yisroel to do teshuva for their sins. And this is how they got the message-so strongly and so clearly. They united in tefillah, pouring out their hearts and praying for their lives to be spared...somehow. And Hashem brought about the miracle of Purim. 

The message of refuah lifnei hamakah-of the good being set up before the strong blow has many dimensions. From the Purim story we see that it is not always that simple. It wasn't clear-at all-that Esther's entrance to the king's palace and subsequent position as queen was the refuah. In fact, it seemed that this was the greatest makah, the greatest blow that ever could have happened! But that was not the case. The exact thing that looked like it was so terrible, so unimaginable...so clearly bad...the very thing that seemed like it was the worst thing that could have happened...was the catalyst for Klal Yisroel's yeshuah!

May this month be one in which you are able to see the yad Hashem clearly in your life and where you FEEL Him meitzitz min hacharakim, peeking through the cracks of the blinds of your windows. May you experience your own v'nahapoch Hu...where things change for the good in a way that is so totally upside down...from despair to hope, from sadness to happiness, from pain to comfort and joy and simcha!

May this month be a truly happy one for you and all those close to you!