Video-Dear God

Sometimes, we have so much in our hearts that we want to express to Hashem. But we don't know how to say it. We don't have the right words.

Hashem, who created us all and knows the deepest parts of us, understands it all.

This video illustrates this idea really beautifully.

Hamantashen and Triangles

I know Purim has passed and our minds are busy with Pesach and the preparations that go along with it. Yet I still want to share one inspiring message while the taste of the sweetness of Purim still lingers.

On Purim, we eat hamantashen.

Why?

Look at the shape of this cookie. It is shaped like a triangle-the same shape as one of the nekudos, a סגל. We see this root word in one of the names given to the Jewish People. We are called the עם סגולה. 

What is the significance to all this?

If you look at the סגל, you will notice that any way you turn it, it will keep its shape. The same is true of the hamantash and triangle. It doesn’t change its shape when you twist it, twirl it or flip it.

The same is true of every Jewish person. No matter what a person does, no matter which way they turn, they will always remain a part of the עם סגולה. There is nothing a person can do-no sin, no act, no thought and no belief that can change the fact that they are a part of the Chosen Nation, the עם סגולה. 

So no matter which way life takes you, remember this. Remember this on all the twists and turns of life. Remember this forever.

You will always be a part of our Chosen Nation.

That is the secret behind the hamantash.

And that is what bothered Haman so much about us to the point that he wanted to kill us. We are an עם מפוזר ומפורד בין העמים. We are scattered, far-flung and widespread and yet at the same time, ודתיהם שונות-we have different customs. We don’t do what the goyim do. We are different.

How?

Because we are an עם סגולה. And by always remembering that we are part of the Chosen Nation, we can keep our identity strong no matter which direction life takes us.

May we always be able to keep our identity strong and remain proud of who we are.

Baby Talk

I wrote this last year and wanted to share the message with you again.

"Aah-pi-dee coo-key"

I'm walking back from the bus stop with my baby and my neighbor. 

"He wants me to open his bag of cookies...isn't that cute?"

"I would have no clue what he was talking about!" she says.

And I'm reminded about something I heard a while back about tefillah and the way we daven. 

When a little baby or toddler who is just learning how to talk starts to communicate in his own language, only his own parents can truly understand the things he is saying. He is not using real words yet, just a combination of sounds...but every sound has real meaning...to him. And his mother and father know exactly what he means to say with each sound that comes out of his mouth. 

But a stranger wouldn't understand at all. 

When we daven, there are times when we mumble the words, don't pronounce them correctly...and just rush through our tefillos. We can't always say the words the way they were meant to be said, with the proper pronunciation and concentration. 

After all, we are human beings.

But Hashem is our Father. And He understands the thoughts and feelings behind the words we say. He understand what we really mean to say, even if sometimes we're talking in baby talk.

He knows we really want to praise Him. He knows that we really mean to ask him for health, parnassah, refuos and yeshuos. He knows that when we go through shemona esrei and we don't really think about the meaning of every single word, we really do want to. We want to do it right. 

But sometimes we stumble. 

Sometimes we mumble.

Sometimes we don't think into the meaning of the things we are saying and asking for.

And He understands our baby talk.

But...does that mean we should stay that way? Just because He understands, should we talk like little kids? 

Of course not. 

Let's try. 

Let's grow up.

Let's work on our concentration.

On our pronunciation.

On saying our brachos and tefillos the way they were meant to be said.

Because even though Hashem understands that we mean a lot more than "baruchata...borei minaymezonos..." or "selachlanu...mechalanu", we might as well put in the effort and talk big...like adults...like a professional businessman. Like someone who knows his stuff. 

Hashem is always listening. He understands our innermost thoughts and feelings...even when we can't express them in words.

But when it's time to daven, when it's time to say our brachos, when it's time to bench, to ask Hashem for things we need and thank Him for the things He gives us, let's try to do it right.

Enough with the baby talk. It's cute...but at some point we need to grow up.

I open the bag of cookies for my baby and he spills most of it on the floor. But I understand. He's just a baby. He asks for things and he can't even enjoy all of it. But I'm his mother...and so I give.

Hashem knows us so much better. He knows what is good for us, what we need...and what we want...and when the time is right for us to get it. He is our Father...and He gives us...so much good.

May you be able to express yourself properly with the words of your tefillos and brachos...and mature in your tefillos from baby talk to big-girl talk!

Baby Talk

"Aah-pi-dee coo-key"

I'm walking back from the bus stop with my baby and my neighbor. 

"He wants me to open his bag of cookies...isn't that cute?"

"I would have no clue what he was talking about!" she says.

And I'm reminded about something I heard a while back about tefillah and the way we daven. 

When a little baby or toddler who is just learning how to talk starts to communicate in his own language, only his own parents can truly understand the things he is saying. He is not using real words yet, just a combination of sounds...but every sound has real meaning...to him. And his mother and father know exactly what he means to say with each sound that comes out of his mouth. 

But a stranger wouldn't understand at all. 

When we daven, there are times when we mumble the words, don't pronounce them correctly...and just rush through our tefillos. We can't always say the words the way they were meant to be said, with the proper pronunciation and concentration. 

After all, we are human beings.

But Hashem is our Father. And He understands the thoughts and feelings behind the words we say. He understand what we really mean to say, even if sometimes we're talking in baby talk.

He knows we really want to praise Him. He knows that we really mean to ask him for health, parnassah, refuos and yeshuos. He knows that when we go through shemona esrei and we don't really think about the meaning of every single word, we really do want to. We want to do it right. 

But sometimes we stumble. 

Sometimes we mumble.

Sometimes we don't think into the meaning of the things we are saying and asking for.

And He understands our baby talk.

But...does that mean we should stay that way? Just because He understands, should we talk like little kids? 

Of course not. 

Let's try. 

Let's grow up.

Let's work on our concentration.

On our pronunciation.

On saying our brachos and tefillos the way they were meant to be said.

Because even though Hashem understands that we mean a lot more than "baruchata...borei minaymezonos..." or "selachlanu...mechalanu", we might as well put in the effort and talk big...like adults...like a professional businessman. Like someone who knows his stuff. 

Hashem is always listening. He understands our innermost thoughts and feelings...even when we can't express them in words.

But when it's time to daven, when it's time to say our brachos, when it's time to bench, to ask Hashem for things we need and thank Him for the things He gives us, let's try to do it right.

Enough with the baby talk. It's cute...but at some point we need to grow up.

I open the bag of cookies for my baby and he spills most of it on the floor. But I understand. He's just a baby. He asks for things and he can't even enjoy all of it. But I'm his mother...and so I give.

Hashem knows us so much better. He knows what is good for us, what we need...and what we want...and when the time is right for us to get it. He is our Father...and He gives us...so much good.

May you be able to express yourself properly with the words of your tefillos and brachos...and mature in your tefillos from baby talk to big-girl talk!

The Power of One Letter

We all know that words have incredible power. They can be used to break and to destroy but they can also be used to build and to heal. I want to share a story with you.

This past shabbos, Parshas Ki Seitzei was my brother Shalom a"h's bar mitzvah parsha. I spent shabbos with my family and we talked about him and remembered some stories. My mother repeated something I had never heard before.

(If you are new to this blog and haven't read the story, you may want to start reading it by clicking on this link.)

One of the lifeguards who came to help do CPR (when he heard that Shalom fell down from the tree) makes a siyum every year on the yartzeit and calls in so we could hear it over the phone. He is now married and lives in Eretz Yisroel but he still never forgot Shalom on his yartzeit. He gets a group of bachurim together and they eat cake and say their brachos...every single year.

I'm always curious to know why someone like that-who didn't have any real, personal connection to my brother until the day he passed away would go out of his way to learn something and finish on the yartzeit, make a siyum and call us so we could hear him saying it while taking the time difference into account as well...

Well, this year we found out-from his wife.

After my brother fell from the tree, he was able to stand up and walk around for a few seconds while being supported by a few boys. They were quickly told to put him down because if there was a spinal injury, it is most important to keep the patient still and not move him around to minimize the damage to the spine and prevent paralysis. Shalom lost consciousness a little later and some lifeguards came to do CPR to try to revive him. This lifeguard was one of them and unfortunately, they were not able to do anything for my brother. There was one EMT who did CPR the entire trip to the hospital and kept him alive until he got there. He passed away a short while later.

When this lifeguard got home from camp, his mother told him, "This is your fault! You should have saved the boy! Why didn't you try harder? You didn't do enough!"

Could you imagine the guilt?
Could you imagine his pain?

How could someone say that?
Obviously, this was meant to be! If Hashem wants someone to remain alive, they can fall from the highest tree and survive. Hashem wanted my brother back. His time was up. There was no way in the world anyone who tried anything would have been able to bring him back to life. This was the will of Hashem.

This boy had a very hard time. His mother put the blame on him and he was living with a very strong feeling of guilt in his heart.

---

After we got up from shiva, my mother sat down to write thank you notes to all the people involved - those in camp who helped try to save my brother and a personal note to each of the lifeguards who did CPR on him.

When this boy got a letter in the mail and saw my family name in the return address, he started shaking. He was terrified to open it up. He thought for sure it was a letter putting him down and asking him why he didn't do more to save Shalom.

But he got the letter and so he opened it.

He was shocked when he read it. It was written with such warmth, with words of thanks for trying to do whatever he could to save my brother.

He took that letter and hung it above his bed. He read it every single day. At least once a day.

He became a new person.

Happier.

Guilt-free.

He was able to live normally again. The family didn't blame him so of course it wasn't his fault. This was meant to be.

And that is why every single year on my brother's yartzeit, he makes a siyum and calls us so we could join in and hear it over the phone. Because of one letter that he got in the mail that changed his life around and helped him realize that he did all he can and he was appreciated by our family - just for trying.

Privacy and DBJ-Lessons From the Parsha

In this past weeks parsha, Parshas Balak, Bilam planned to use the power of his words to curse the Jews. In the end, he praised us - because Hashem only allowed him to use this incredible power for the good.

One of the things he said was "ma tovu ohalecha ya'akov mishkinosecha yisroel"- how good are your tents, your dwelling places, Bnei Yisroel.

There are many interpretations to this passuk, this phrase. One of the ways this can be explained is that when Bilam was on his way to come and curse the Jews, he saw that the openings to their tents were not facing one another. The Jews purposefully placed their tents in a way that they would not see into another person's tent. They did this so that THEY wouldn't see into the other person's tent, not that the other person wouldn't see into THEIR own tent! What greatness! They weren't concerned about someone looking in on them, but they wanted to make sure they wouldn't put themselves into a situation where they would be tempted to look into someone else's!

This is how careful they were to protect the other person's privacy. They were so extra careful-they took this extra measure, an extra step so that they wouldn't see into another person's house. This teaches us just how careful we should be to protect another person's privacy.

* * *

Another thing Bilam was praising us Jews for is that we don't eye other peoples things with jealousy. We are a nation that works hard on this middah to try not to be jealous of other peoples' good fortune.

On the other hand, people look at YOU and are jealous! When you walk down the street looking your best (which is important and you always should look good), people think you must have the perfect life. Don't we all?!

But if people would know what goes on behind closed doors, what challenges you are facing, what troubles you are covering up for under that perfectly made-up face, hair/shaitel done so well, and big bright smile (which are all important- you should certainly look your best and don't have to look like a washed out rag just because you are going through something difficult), they would not be jealous!

When you think about this for a minute, you will come to realize that every person has their package and that you never know what someone else is dealing with! Just like even though you may look so good on the outside, you may not always feel it on the inside - but no one would ever know - there are other people who also feel the same way!

So when you see another person who looks like their life couldn't be more perfect, remember, that just like your life has it's own ups and downs, so does everybody else. Everyone has things to deal with. Whether it's big frustrations or little ones, nobody has it easy.

And that is the second lesson we should take from this weeks parsha. DBJ is not just a texting shortcut, we should really live it. Don't Be Jealous of other people. Why? Because looks can be very deceiving.

You really never know what someone else is dealing with! So try, really try to internalize this lesson so that you will not be jealous of others!

Encouragement

Everyone needs encouragement.

Don't you think it's true?

It's not that it's only true for the people who look like they could use an extra dose of positivity or for someone you pass in the hallway who you can tell is having a hard day just by looking at their facial expression.

Even those who are "high up" on the ladder, even those who look like they have everything going for them. These people specifically could use an extra boost.

I'll tell you how you can do it.

Give a sincere and honest compliment. "I like your necklace" is fine and so is "nice shoes" but something a little deeper can really make a difference to a person's day.

"It's such a pleasure to work with you. You are always so positive!"

"You are so dedicated to your job. What would we do without you?!"

"I'm so lucky to have a friend like you. You listen to me with your heart, especially when it's late at night and I have no one else to talk to."

If you feel embarrassed or uncomfortable to say these things to someone's face, you can always write them a letter or an email or send them a text message. It can really make their day!

Do you know that people who speak publicly really draw strength to continue from the feedback they get?

"The speech you ave really hit home. I specifically liked that story/point you said about _________. It really spoke to me and I'm going to do something about it."

Every person, no matter how great they seem or how confident they appear to be can gain from your positive words.

Give it a try! You'll make someone's day!

How One Word Changed My Life

Over ten years ago I decided to quit my job and go travelling around the world. Just before I went on my travels I flew to visit my cousin in Tel Aviv. On the flight back to London I was asked if I minded moving seats as a married couple wanted to sit together. I obliged and they moved me to a seat next to a very religious looking man. Even though I had spent a week in Tel Aviv I had not met any Jews as religious as this man appeared to be.

Having gone to a non-Jewish school; brought up in a non observant home, I had never spoken to a religious Jew before, and thought he looked completely antiquated. After a few moments the man looked up at me, smiled, said HELLO and introduced himself. The thought going through my mind was what does this man want from me? We could not been more different in appearance, he with a long beard, white shirt and black suit and I with long hair in a pony tail wearing jeans. However despite all of our external differences I really warmed to him and we ended up talking for the entire journey.

At the end of the flight he asked me for my phone number so he could stay in contact with me. Although I was suspicious of his intentions I gave him my number all the same, as I reasoned that I could always avoid his call if need be.

I spent the next seven months traveling the world and did not think of him once. At the end of my trip I decided that I really missed my friends and family and decided to surprise them and come home a week early. My family all ate lunch together to celebrate my safe return and just as we were finishing our meal the phone rang. My father picked up the phone and passed the handset to me. I was in shock...It was the Rabbi I met on the plane. How did he know I was home? What did he want?

We spoke briefly and we agreed that we would stay in contact. For the next few years the Rabbi phoned me from time to time. I ended up calling him my guardian Angel as he always called me when I was facing something challenging. He was always pleasant and never judgmental.

One time he told me that he was flying to London and I decided to meet him at the airport. This ended up being a common occurrence and once or twice a year I would meet him for a chat at various airports. On one occasion he flew into Gatwick and was planning to go to Newcastle to visit his poorly father. I collected him and decided that we would do a road trip together.

During the journey we talked at length and when we finally arrived in Gateshead at about 2am we decided to stay at his parent’s house. As we entered the house I could not get over the huge quantity of books lining the walls. Who was his father? I left the following morning and drove back home mulling over my experience. Several weeks later I received a call from the Rabbi saying that his father had passed away. He told me that although his father was going to be buried in Israel there would be a something happening in Stamford Hill. I had never been to Stamford Hill before, and I stuck out like a sore thumb.

Over the next few weeks I saw numerous newspaper articles about the death of his father, I even saw a photo of a sea of black hats with a little red Yamulke in the midst, which I recognized as my own.

Unfortunately I never met my Rabbi’s father, the late Gateshead Rov, Rabbi Betzalel Rakow, but I know that he must have been a great man, to have a son like my Rabbi.

Over the years that followed I became slowly more religious, and now thank G-d I am married to a wonderful woman, have three beautiful children and live a religious life. Words cannot express how grateful I am that I met my Rabbi, whose kind words and determination to stay in contact with me completely turned my life around.

One can never know the long lasting effects even for many generations to come of just saying hello and a few kind words to a stranger.
Try it! All it takes is ONE WORD to make a person feel good!

Just One Word is a project of The Lite House. Do you have a story where a good word changed your life? Email it to thelitehouse1 [at] gmail.com.

Your Filter

Full of anger shouts the faucet,
rushing, gushing in a stream,
“you’re a bother, you old filter,
you’re a nuisance, you make me scream!

“Always there and in the way,
when my waters wish to play,
when we want to dance and leap,
first, through you we have to seep,
and you tell us: what’s the rush?
why the noise? Why don’t you hush?

“Oh, you filter, full of holes,
can’t you let my waters roll?
can’t you let my waters spray?
up and down and every way?
it’s so much fun to make a splash,
but through you we cannot crash.”

Says the filter soft and quiet,
“faucet, faucet, stop your riot.
stop your splashing in the sink,
listen well and stop to think.

“I was put here for good use,
to filter out the dirt that’s loose,
to get rid of little bugs,
and the sand that tries to plug
all the pipes and stop the flow.
Drinking bugs is a sin you know.

“I stand watch, I stand guard,
day and night, I work so hard,
to make sure that the water’s pure,
and what you drink is clean for sure,
So that when you take a sip,
you won’t need to watch your lip.”

And thus the argument was won,
with a lesson for everyone.
Can you guess the message here?
I think it’s stated very clear.

Use the filter that is yours,
Locked behind your own closed doors,
Filter words before leaving your lip,
and make sure you never slip.
Don’t be in a rush to speak
inspect the words still in your cheek.

I don't know who wrote this but the message is really good. You can create your own filter by watching the words you speak before letting them slip out of your mouth.

Spoken Words

The spoken word is a powerful thing,
Whether uttered by a pauper, an actor, a king,
For each word has meaning that to it is unique,
Your words are a part of you that take wings when you speak.

Whether whispered very softly or hurled in a shout,
A word is unstoppable once it’s let out,
When you part with a word you can’t take it back,
It flies to its intended, its full meaning intact.

A word can be a healing thing,
A word can make a sore heart sing,
Giving relief, hope and courage to those in tears,
Building bridges between strangers, dispelling all fears.

But a word can be a pain-giving thing,
It can cut, it can hurt, it can deeply sting,
And both speaker and listener, regret and shame,
For the bond that was, will never be the same.

A word once spoken is a life enhancing tool,
But a weapon of destruction in the mouth of a fool,
Weigh your words carefully, release them with thought,
For words that take flight, can never be caught.

Written by Cheryl Kupfer

Bleep! - Watching Your Words

“Leah, did you see Sarah’s dress?”
“I know, Shayna! What possessed her to buy it?”
“Probably on the sales rack at Loehmann’s!”
“Knowing Sarah, probably!”
“She’s so cheap!”
“And a nasty *****!”

There are so many negative effects of using bad language. Bad language in Judaism is separated into two main categories: lashon hara (gossip) and nivul peh (bad words). Judaism is extremely critical of using both forms of bad language. Lashon hara can ruin people’s reputations, hurt others’ feelings, and create a generally tense and unhappy environment. Nivul peh also creates a negative environment, making many people feel uncomfortable.

There are many reasons to avoid using bad language. When you hear people (like Shayna and Leah) talking about, for example, how ugly Sarah’s new dress is, you also tend to lose respect for them. (How many of you are impressed with Shayna and Leah’s empathy and kindness?) This also goes for when you hear a person using bad words, like describing Sarah with the kinds of words they bleep out on television. Why should you respect a person who doesn’t respect themselves enough to keep their mouth clean?

People will not only lose their respect for you, but will also think less of you. Some common stereotypes of people who use bad language are that they’re whiny, offensive, immature, unpleasant to be with, have a bad attitude, little character, and lack control.

Just as every Jewish home is a mikdash me’at (miniature Temple), every Jew is a representative of their family, past schools and workplace, and community. When you use bad language, people will not only think less of you, but your family. After all, someone had to raise you to speak that way, and you must be raising your children like that, too! People will also think less of any schools you attended and your workplace - people will think that people who graduated years before or after you use bad language, just because you did! People will also think less of your community when you use lashon hara and nivul peh. Your community can be any extended group you call yourself a part of, from your circle of friends to your nationality, ethnicity, or religion. Imagine what kind of chillul Hashem (desecration of G-d) would be committed if a non-Jew heard Shayna and Leah!

As a Jew, a person uses their mouth for many holy purposes: prayer, blessings, the name of G-d, Torah thoughts, and so many other religious reasons. It’s inappropriate to speak lashon hara and nivul peh with the same mouth that you say G-d’s name. One of the rabbis of the Jerusalem Talmud even said that had he created humankind, he would have made people with two mouths: one for holy thoughts and one for daily use. He then realized that this would be counterproductive, though; if people had separate mouths for holy and secular, then they would be indiscriminate about what they said with their non-holy mouth. Do you think Shayna and Leah’s blatant use of lashon hara and nivul peh is going to reflect well on their religious observance?

Because of my strong feelings against the usage of lashon hara and nivul peh, I created an organization called Bleep! whose mission is to eradicate the usage of bad language (but primarily the usage of bad words) among kids and teens today. Bleep!’s mission is to show people that there are negative effects of using bad language, and that’s why you should avoid it. It shouldn’t be a blind, knee-jerk reaction, but an understanding of the reasons behind the unacceptability of bad language. Bleep! currently has over 350 members in 20 states and eight countries, and is always looking for more! Membership is totally obligation-free. To sign up, simply send your name and state/province to bleep3@gmail.com. As a member, all you have to “do” is receive the optional monthly newsletter. Joining Bleep! is really more about making a statement that you understand the negative effects of bad language, even if you personally indulge in it more often than recommended. You can visit Bleep!’s website at any time. Here is the information: http://sites.google.com/site/bleeporganization.

As the Jews were being freed from slavery in Egypt, G-d gave them the first commandment: the korban Pesach (sacrifice of Passover). Part of the detailed laws of the korban Pesach is that while eating it, you can’t break the bone of the animal. A book on Jewish law, Sefer HaChinuch, explains that the reason for this is because it’s not befitting for proud people to gnaw on bones like animals. It goes on to explain that how you act becomes who you are, so if you act like an animal, you’ll start “becoming” one (like the famous epithet you are what you eat.) This concept can also be applied to how you speak: when you speak lashon hara and nivul peh, you become that on the inside. Is that really want you want to be?

Thank you Talia Weisberg, the creator and founder of Bleep! for writing this article!

UPDATE 1: The new email address for Bleep! is bleeporg@gmail.com.

UPDATE 2 (August 2010): Bleep!'s email address has changed to bleep3@gmail.com.