Wednesday, August 2, 2023

Shalom's 18th Yartzeit

My brother Shalom's 18th yartzeit is coming up. It's hard to wrap my head around this big number. A number that means life, when he is not alive with us. Sure, I believe he's living the most precious and beloved existence and his life is more real than the life we live in this world of falsehood. But my life feels so real to me. And I want to do something special to carry on his name and his life in a way that gives life to others. 

I'm knee deep in reading an incredible and inspiring book, 90 Seconds, about Eli Beer, the man who started United Hatzalah. This book speaks to me on so many levels. He was a teen who couldn't sit in class, got kicked out of school so many times and ended up leaving school for good, starting his own business ventures and initiatives just to keep busy. He volunteered for Magen David Adom which lead him to starting an organization whose goal is to reach each call for help within 90 seconds, by having volunteers in every part of Eretz Yisroel. It's a long story and worth the read and I want to do something to contribute towards his life saving efforts.

Here's my idea. I am looking for 18 people to commit to donating $18 (or more) to United Hatzalah, in memory of my brother Shalom whose 18th yartzeit is this Friday. To honor his life, and the 18 years since he was last present on this earth, let's help the organization that gives life and extends the lives of so many! And if you'd like to level up your donation, you can donate any amount not just once, but every month for the next 12 months.

I'm going to be the first!

Can you join me?

Click on this link to fill out a form if you're in: https://bit.ly/GiveLifeForShalom

L'ilui nishmas Shalom ben Chaim Nosson whose yartzeit is this Friday, August 4th, י"ז אב.

Sunday, December 25, 2022

Spread Our Light

 We are an incredible People.

This past weekend, we were traveling with our kids when my sister in law called.

"We're out of power. Can we stay at your house for shabbos?"

The severe weather caused power outages in some neighborhoods. After confirming that my block did not lose power, we assured her that she was welcome to stay at our house. Baruch Hashem we have space and try to have the guestroom prepared so it is always ready for sleepover guests.

"One of my friends was supposed to stay with us for shabbos. Can she sleep at your place too?"

Of course, we told her that would be our pleasure.

She also told us she and her husband had planned on eating out for the Friday night meal at someone in their neighborhood and was wondering if we had any food in our fridge to help fill in for their shabbos meal. They had some challah and dips, so did we perhaps have anything else?

Since I was traveling, I did not cook any food for shabbos. There was a small portion of leftovers from Thursday night's dinner, but that wasn't going to cut it. We had packaged sliced deli in the fridge which they said would be just perfect.

But that wouldn't feel like shabbos.

We called a couple of neighbors.

And that's where the magic began.

It was just 30 minutes to candle lighting. But that doesn't matter when you have awesome neighbors with huge hearts.

My sister in law, her husband and shabbos guest had a full, delicious shabbos meal, not just deli and some challah.

It didn't matter that my neighbor had a house full of her own guests for Shabbos Chanukah.

She was happy to share her hot, delicious shabbos food on a moment's notice.

We are an incredible People.

And when we have an opportunity to share, to give to someone who doesn't have, we do it with a full heart.

On Chanukah, we take the little light we have and continue to ignite many flames, one candle each night, until our menorah is fully illuminated.

In life, we use the good we have and share it with others. We ignite hearts with ahavas yisroel, spreading light and warmth with our kindness, first to one person and then by sharing stories like these, we light up the hearts of all Jews who feel so blessed to be part of a Nation like ours.

Let's continue to spread our light. Let us act with chessed to those in need and then share those stories as far as we can so the entire Nation feels so blessed by these heartwarming experiences!

Happy Chanukah!

Sunday, August 14, 2022

Thirteen Years

It's been thirteen years since I wrote this post. Thirteen years since the day my older brother Mordechai and his wife became parents to their (second) son on the day of my brother Shalom's yartzeit.

We held our breath for eight days until we heard the name they chose for this baby. They named him Shalom Baruch after the uncle he would never know. What a comforting feeling to know that someone would carry on the name of our brother was niftar at 15, before he was old enough to get married and have children of his own.

He wasnt the first to be named after Shalom a"h. My own son was born a little more than two months before and was given the same name. But he was the first and only boy to be born on the day his namesake was niftar.

Thirteen years.

I think about how much has happened in this little boy's life. Little milestones. Smiling, rolling over, crawling, baby teeth, waking, talking...

Other, more significant milestones. His upsherin. His first siddur. His first chumash. His first gemara.

And now...his bar mitzvah.

There's so much that happens in the first thirteen years of a child's life.

The second thirteen years are also pretty life changing.

Reaching the milestone of teenage hood and label of teenager. (I hope those years will be smooth for him!)

Growing up, maturing, learning and expanding-on the inside and outside. In ways that are visible and ways no one can see or know.

There's the possibility of marriage and the hope of starting a family too.

There's so much growth and change that happens in the next thirteen years of a child's life. It's the years they slowly transform from child to adult.

But what happens after that? What happens in the thirteen years that follow?

How much change actually happens then?

Am I stuck in my ways?

Am I changing and growing, learning and developing, stretching my muscles to do things that are hard for me?

Am I open to change the patterns I know need to change?

Are you?

As long as we are alive, we can. We have the time at this very moment to switch gears. To do something different. To make a move.

If we want to change patterns, if we want to look back in thirteen years from now and be proud of the person looking back at us in the mirror, we need to take a step, any small step, in the direction of change.

Find a book on the topic that you struggle most with.
Look for a lecture.
Commit to finding a therapist that can help you.
Ask a friend, "What is most annoying about me?"
Ask a family member, "If I could change one thing, what would you want it to be?"

Be brave.
Be bold.
Be courageous.
Be daring.
Be the change you want to see in your life by taking a step to change.
Do it now.

May it be a zechus for Shalom ben Chaim Nosson whose 17th yartzeit is today. 

To read the story behind Shalom's tragic and sudden death, click here

Thursday, July 28, 2022

To Magnify-The Nine Days

So, the nine days are coming and I don't think I took even one minute in the past two weeks to think about this time of year, what it means and what feelings should be coming up. I've just been so busy. My thoughts have been occupied with all the things I need to do to fulfill my responsibilities towards my family-and none, not even one thought was about the pain of galus and the tza'ar hashechina. How crazy is that? Probably super normal for a galus mom.

Maybe this is why we shift from the three weeks to the nine days in this way, from less intense laws of mourning to stronger ones. In case we were too busy with life during the beginning of the three weeks, we now have a reminder that there really is something to think about. There is something to be feeling during this time. We need to phase into a new level of thought so we can arouse our souls to get to a place of feeling the pain of galus without outside tzaros and crazy painful stories in the news and in the world!

Maybe this is why we mourn in reverse. Maybe it's because Hashem is waking us up to His pain-first with a soft tap, then with a light knock (the nine days) and then with a loud shout (Tisha b'av), saying, "Helllooo! I am in pain! Feel my pain with me!" And maybe we should be feeling the pain more intensely as time passes. Because as the time does pass and we acknowledge that we are still in galus, the pain should also intensify. It should hurt us even more because, like, hello?! Are we still here? How is it that we are still here? Are we ever going to get out?

After all these years, will it ever happen?

As Jews, we believe it will. That's what shabbos nachamu is all about. The prophecies about the destruction came true, and so we believe (and ask Hashem to help us continue to believe) that the prophecies about the redemption will also be fulfilled. We just don't know when it will happen so that makes it so hard. And that's where the challenge to continue to believe takes place!

I feel like its somewhat easier for me to feel pain-because I went through my own loss. So I take my emotions surrounding the death of my brother and connect them to the bigger loss of Klal Yisroel during the time of the churban.

I lost one brother and it was so incredibly painful; it still is, when I let myself feel it.

During the destruction of the bais hamikdosh, every Jew experienced multiple losses. So many Jews died of starvation and thirst. Mothers consumed their babies! The devastation was enormous. I try to magnify my loss a hundred times over to feel what took place during the churban. 

But there's more. More I want to feel. Not just my own loss magnified (because that's kind of a selfish sort of pain), but I want to connect to what we had.

That clarity, that holy connection to the Source of all life, I want that.

When I was in the holy land, Eretz Yisroel, I was able to connect to a piece of that. And the clarity I felt there, the connection I felt at the kosel as I cried tears of yearning and tears of closeness, that was a galus connection! That wasn't even what real people experienced during the time of the bais hamikdosh. 

So whatever connection I did feel, can't be compared to the clarity and closeness a Jew could experience during the time of our bais hamikdosh. If I want to grasp a piece of whatever was felt during the time of the bais hamikdosh, I need to take my clarity and dveikus-and magnify it a hundred times over- and then I can try to imagine a tiny crumb of what the Jews experienced before we were sent into galus.

I want clarity? I want real closeness? Any connection I've ever felt is only a galus experience.

I can yearn for more. 

I can daven for more.

I can arouse my soul to experience pain-pain that whatever closeness I've ever felt in my entire life on this earth has no comparison to the closeness and connection to Hashem of all those years ago.

And then I can start to yearn for moshiach.

Thursday, June 10, 2021

Hug

I went to daven at my brother's kever yesterday. 

On the way, I was feeling very emotional, of course. I had music on and I was crying and I was thinking, I really need a hug right now. Hashem, can you please send someone to give me a hug? I was hoping maybe I'd meet someone I know at the cemetery but honestly, what are the chances? 

I got to the cemetery and I didn't see any people or any cars. Just lots and lots of tombstones. I davened and cried a lot and unloaded a lot of emotions. 

On my way out, I stopped at the administration building to wash my hands and use the bathroom. I saw another car there with 4 women inside. They were stopping for the bathroom on their way into the cemetery. I asked them if there's anything special about today and they said it's their mother's yartzeit. So I said, "Can I give you a hug? I'm giving out free hugs." and proceeded to hug each one of them. Some of them felt a little awkward, I could tell from the way they accepted the hugs lol...then I told one of them, I asked Hashem for a hug today. So she said, now here's a hug for you! And she gave me a tight, all embracing hug. It was just what I needed.

Hashem has the power and ability to answer us, even when it seems unlikely for us to get what we asked for!

Friday, April 30, 2021

Perfect

 Parshas Emor

When a Jew brought a korban, he had to make sure it did not have any blemishes. The Torah specifies what is considered a blemish that would render an animal unfit for a sacrifice. Hashem, who is perfect in every way, can only be given an animal as a korban that is totally perfect. 

As we try to make sense of what happened yesterday, (which we cannot, it just doesn't make sense,) we need to remind ourselves again and again that Hashem is perfect. He has a plan. He knows what He is doing. We are imperfect. We don't understand why. We shouldn't understand it. If we understood tragedy, we wouldn't be moved by it and we would never feel touched by the pain of others. Let's just remind ourselves that Hashem is perfect. 

May we strengthen our emunah in Hashem during this difficult time and be zoche to the Ultimate Geula so soon!

Wednesday, January 13, 2021

Home

He's coming home!
We can all feel the excitement
A corona patient
We've all been davening for
Will be sent out 
Of rehab
And allowed to go
Back home
To his family
Such great news!
Not a day went by
That he wasn't missed
In his home
Not a day went by
That his family didn't 
Pray
For his return home.
And I think about
Our home
And our time away
It's been so long
How many days go by
Before we think about it?
How many days
Have gone by
Without us thinking
About our home
And how much we miss
Our true home?
Hashem...?
Don't you see the difference?
It's been too long
We've been away 
For much too long
Not a few months
Like this patient
Not a few years
Like some prisoner
Away from home
Hashem...?
It's been thousands of years
Of course it's not the same!
Of course we can't long for home
In the same way
As someone who has
Experienced home
But sometimes
We get a little peek
A little taste 
A little inspiration
To make us long for
To make us yearn for
To give us this feeling
That there's something we're missing
That we're missing
YOU
And for just a fleeting moment
Our heart tears up
And our eyes get prickly
And we think about crying
And we just want
YOU
We want to come home
We yearn to come home
We want to be with you
Even though we don't know
What that even means
We can think back to times
When we felt you so strongly
And we want to feel that
Again.
Hashem...?
Can you make it happen?
You can.
The question is...
When?
When will you make it happen?
We are yearning
We are hoping
We are praying
We are wishing
To just come back
To come back home.
Bring us back.
Bring us home.

Tuesday, January 12, 2021

Privacy Policy

Just a thought...

I find it interesting that the entire world went crazy when they heard about the updated privacy policy released by Whatsapp. We were told that our information will be shared with other businesses so we can get targeted ads. People started flipping out and announcing that they would be leaving Whatsapp and switching to messaging apps that were far less safe. Interestingly, the information that would be shared is information that has been shared by Facebook and Google for a long time. Haven't we all had pop-ups and ads on our web pages that were so similar to our recent searches?

But that's not the reason for this post.

I had a different thought.

How many of us took a moment to think about that fact that every single thing we search for, every page we open, every website we visit and every message we send and view is seen by the One Above? 

Are we concerned about that?

Maybe, if we took an extra minute to think about the fact that there is absolutely no privacy when it comes to Hashem, we'd be a little more careful with the way we spent our time on our phones...and online.

We can't hide anything from Him.

He sees everything. 

I don't hear anyone getting nervous about that.

Maybe because we didn't take the time to let that sink in.

There is no hiding anything from Him.

May we be able to use the technology we were blessed with for the good and never feel the need to hide any part of it.

Wednesday, December 16, 2020

Flame of Hope

There are many answers to the famous question of the Bais Yosef. If there was enough oil to last for one day, why do we celebrate Chanukah for eight days if the miracle was only for the seven extra days that the oil burned?

There is a powerful lesson to be learned from that first day. 

We are commemorating the fact that those Jews even bothered lighting the oil they had on that first day. They could have said, if we only have enough oil for one day and it'll take eight days to get new oil, we'll light it the day before we have new oil so we will have continuous light from the day we light it. But a Jew doesn't work that way. A Jew doesn't look at his resources and decide what the outcome will be based on the facts. He relies on Hashem for results. He does the best he can with whatever he has and leaves the rest in Hashem's hands.

This is what we are celebrating. And we remember this lesson each year when we celebrate Chanukah for eight days instead of seven. That first day is what we are celebrating. It's not extra. It's essential. It helps us internalize that no matter how dark things are or how challenging our lives are, we do whatever we can with the resources we have and have faith in Hashem that things will work out in the best possible way.

We all have goals, hopes and dreams. And sometimes we don't know how we'll ever be able to accomplish the things we want. What we want seems too difficult to achieve. 

But we have to try. We need to put our best foot forward and utilize whatever little abilities we have to start. And then we trust in Hashem to help us reach the finish line.

This is what those Jews did so many years ago. They didn't have enough oil to last for eight days, until they'd have more, pure oil. But it didn't matter. They lit what they had and Hashem allowed that light, and essentially the flame of hope and faith, to remain lit until they'd have more oil to keep the menorah's light glowing.

It's the first day of Chanukah that we are memorializing. That's the day that is most important to all the days that come afterwards. It's the day that infuses hope into the rest of this holiday and into the darkness of our lives. The first day teaches us to take that first step when we are scared, to try when we are unsure if we'll succeed. Because ultimately, it's our emunah when things are tough that will help us pull through and keep trying.

May we be able to take this lesson to heart, have hope when things are dark, and try even when we don't have enough resources to achieve the outcome we're hoping for. And may Hashem reward us for having faith in Him by exceeding our hopes and dreams!

Happy Chanukah! 

Tuesday, September 29, 2020

After Yom Kippur

Yom Kippur is the one time a year when we really face our shortcomings head on and own them. Instead of walking through life carrying pieces of guilt from our mistakes and having them weigh us down, draining our energy and straining our relationships, we bring them to the surface, put them on the table, recognize them for what they are and say “I did this but that’s not who I am. This is not who I want to be.”

We make a separation between ourselves and the deeds we regret in the healthiest possible way. If we’ve hurt another person, we ask for forgiveness and try to make amends. We resolve not to do the same thing again. The same goes if we've hurt ourselves or our relationship with Hashem. And Hashem loves us and knows exactly where we’re coming from. He is waiting for us to reconnect with Him and accepts our heartfelt efforts with open arms.

Hopefully, we were all able to utilize Yom Kippur and heal ourselves and our relationships on the deepest level. As we ended the day with newfound humility and holiness, purified and cleansed, we can now start the new year afresh.

Now, it's up to us to go on to accomplish all the incredible things we are capable of. All we have to remember is, whatever we did in the past does not the define the person we are or the person we want to become. We want to be greater and we must strive to be better. 

May we be able to take the inspiration of Yom Kippur into the upcoming week and take small steps towards becoming the very best versions of ourselves!