Parshas Shoftim

If someone kills someone unintentionally, it is taken very seriously. They have to run to a city of refuge and stay there so they will not be killed. 

We see that we are held accountable for all our actions, even things we did unintentionally. "I didn't realize" is not a good enough excuse. We have to take extra steps to be super careful not to hurt people by being thoughtless. We should work on ourselves to be more considerate and sensitive to people, especially those who are in a vulnerable position and can be easily hurt. 

May we be able to tune in to other people's feelings and notice what touches them so we can treat them with care and compassion!

One Soul

Too much pain
Hurts my brain
Can wrap my head around it
Hurts my heart
I can't start
To imagine it
For those closest to it
A young couple
Engaged to be wed
And instead
Boom
They're dead
How??
How does Hashem allow
Such pain
To remain
To exist 
In this world
Our imperfect world
Our confusing world
Our painful world
In His world
In His book
This all looks
Perfect
How??
How can we understand 
We can't
Make sense
Of something
That doesn't make
Any sense.
A young bride
Smile so wide
Stands beside
Her new partner
Her partner in life
And now in death
They met their end
Right at the beginning 
Of their new life
No chance to be
Husband and wife
No chance to prove
All the wonderful things
They started to know
About each other.
Shidduchim
So complex
So deep
So full
Research
Say yes
Go out
Another yes
And now?
A slap
A no
No
You will not go
The way of most
Brides and grooms
You're escorted to
A different room
To a place where
Neshamos go
Because Hashem knows
That your neshamos glow
Brighter than
The smiles you wore
While you were so sure
Of your wonderful life
Ahead of you
Hashem took you
Away
From your families
Together
Your neshamos were bound
In this world
Two halves
Of one whole
Ready to become
One soul
Now you're one
One with Hashem 
One with each other
One with
Your other brother
The one who
Just two
Years ago
Also
Left this world.
Do all these neshamos 
Hang out together?
Do all of them
Watch us
Cry and remember?
Do all of them have 
The clarity we seek
Oh how I wish
I could have a little peek
A touch of understanding
A hint of clarity
A piece of that light
To illuminate this night
(And a chunk of time
With someone up there
That could stretch til eternity
So we could just share...)
But I am stuck here
Alone and confused
With nothing to gain
And so much to lose
If I just wallow and cry
And continue to ask why
I need to do more than just sigh 
I need to use that why
To propel me to go
To move
And to grow
To higher places
To better places
I wish I could know
Where I am meant to go
In which direction to grow
Where to direct all this pain
So something will be gained
To know what to change
Yet I am left in the dark
I can only do my small part
In trying to fix
Myself
To take this pain
So it won't be in vain
But 
We are stuck
In galus
Without clarity
Or prophets
To help us
To tell us
To explain to us
The true meaning 
Behind each happening
So I will pray
For the day
When we will have
All that
And more
Clarity
Closeness
Connection 
With the One Above
And the ones we love
Hashem...?
Can you strengthen me?
Can you strengthen all of us?
Until that day?

Accident

I was in an accident almost two weeks ago.

I was coming off the Verrazano Bridge, driving along with the speed of traffic when the car in front of me short stopped. I couldn't stop fast enough. I knew that if I continued going straight, I'd hit the car in front of me. In order to avoid a collision, I veered a bit to the right. That's when I heard a loud noise. The truck in the right lane scraped the passenger side of my car. My mirror flew off and disappeared onto the highway, my front bumper fell off and my tire got sliced.

Baruch Hashem, nothing happened to me or to the truck driver. His truck was fine too. All I had was a small headache and a team of people to help.

First it was a police car. Someone driving by saw an accident and called 911. 

Then the tow truck came. My car was towed to a safe spot a few miles away (while I got a ride inside the police car ;). I saw the buttons that make each type of siren sound and I eyed the policeman's gun with calm trepidation.)

Next the men from the towing company (who do this as a free service for all accidents on the bridge) offered to change my tire for me. They found the spare, changed the tire, and also outfitted the front of my car with duct-tape. I now had a real yeshivish-looking car :-). It was all ready to go...straight to the mechanic for some major fixing.

I had a lot of time that day to think and reflect. 

The driver who made that short stop in front of me went on driving, having no idea what happened right behind him. 

And I thought...how many times did someone short stop behind me while I went on driving? 

I have no idea.

How many times does Hashem protect me from danger?

We daven for so many things. We sometimes wonder, Hashem, why aren't you answering my tefillos? But we don't know how many things could have happened that didn't. Because we didn't see it. 

In shemona esrei, we say, "melech ozer u'moshia u'magein"-Hashem is the King who helps, saves and protects. Magein-protect means that Hashem prevents bad things from happening. He literally protects us. And I got to see it with my own eyes. The driver in front of me was protected, and Hashem was watching over me when I drove in the left lane along the bridge the whole time. This way, the impact of the accident was on the passenger side and not on the driver's side. Had that happened chas v'shalom, I don't want to think about where I would be right now. I probably would not be sitting at home typing up this inspirational post.

Hashem was protecting me.

It made me think of the concept we all learn about in school when Hashem passed by Moshe rabbeinu while wrapped in a tallis and Moshe rabbeinu asked Hashem, "Show me your ways." He wanted to understand the ways of Hashem, why bad things happen in this world. Hashem responded, "vera'isa es achorai"-you will see My Back, but you will not see My Face. The way we always learned it was that a person can only understand why they had to go through difficulties after the experience is over. While they are in it, it is not possible to understand why. Sometimes it takes years to be able to understand. (And sometimes a person can never understand.)

Maybe it means, when you're in the back, when you're behind someone, you can see what they were saved from. But they can't see it because they are in the front. They don't have eyes behind their back!

The person driving his car in front of me had no idea what he was saved from when I short stopped on the Verrazano. 

We have no idea what Hashem is saving us from. 

We may get frustrated sometimes when we don't see our tefillos being answered. But let's remember that every single day, Hashem is protecting us from harm, watching over us with love and taking care of our needs.

May we all be safe and be able to appreciate all Hashem does for us without any terrifying stories.

Easy to Say

It's easy to talk about emunah when things go smoothly. When everything about you is positve and happy. The real test, the real test of our strength and belief is when things get tough. When we do not understand.

I have been thinking about this ever since my last post about Hurricane Sandy. I wrote: Trees got thrown down just a few inches away from houses and cars. I saw with my own eyes the precision of the fall...how every inch is calculated. Another inch-and that car would have been smashed. Another inch-and that house would have had major damage. This showed me how every little detail is calculated, every inch, every moment of our lives. The same One who made the tree fall directly in front of that house and an inch away from that car, is watching over me every moment. The details of my life are calculated; Hashem works with precision and care.

Yes, all of that is true. But what about the trees that fell down and did cause destruction? As I was driving on the day I wrote that post, I passed a minivan that was completely shattered-from a huge tree that fell right on top of it. It wasn't a new model. I thought about the family whose car that must belong to. I thought about their pain, how hard it might be for them to replace their car. Maybe they were struggling and this was the last thing they needed...how would they get their children to school? How would they get to work? Forget about waiting on line for gas. They didn't even have a car!

What about all those who lost homes due to flooding and who will have to pay to redo all or parts of their homes? The amount of damage, the pictures I've seen...they moved me to tears. It didn't hit me until I saw Hamodia's Supplement, Waves of Wrath, Waves of Chessed. Pictures of seforim floating around in feet and feet of water, the beautiful aron kodesh knocked over...and the men and boys who continued learning and giving shiurim in the dark, by candlelight or flashlight. All of this made me cry.

We do not understand.

I do not understand.

I do not claim to have reasons. I do not claim to know why this happened. Who am I to pinpoint and say that it happened because of one specific aveirah I am guilty of, or one specific mitzvah I am not performing properly?

R' Fishel Schachter gave a very powerful speech about this. He spoke about how when something of such catastrophic proportions occurs, people try to give reasons and tell other people what it is that they need to change and do better.

He repeated a story that took place one summer. There was an accident that affected a certain family in Camp Ohr Shraga. After it happened, one rav got up and said that the accident happened because of bittul torah and proceeded to give a fiery speech about the importance of Torah learning and the danger of wasting time when one was meant to be learning.

After he concluded his speech, R' Yakov Kaminetzky stood up and said to the rav (in yiddish): Are you a navi? Are you a ba'al ruach hakodesh? Shamefully, the rav answered no to both of those questions.

R' Yakov continued, "So then how could you say that this happened because of bittul torah?? If it's true that this is why the tragedy occurred, then yes, everyone should work on strengthening themselves in the way they learn and the amount of time they spend learning. But if it is not true, since we do not know the cheshbonos of Hashem, you have to go back to the family who was affected by this tragedy and ask them for mechillah, for forgiveness...for speaking ona'as devorim, for causing pain with the words you said! Because they will be thinking, If only people would have learned better, if only people would not have wasted an extra minute...this would never have happened. And THAT is a very dangerous way of thinking and causes tremendous hurt and guilt to the family involved."

And then R' Yakov gave his own passionate speech about bittul torah. R' Yakov, who knew what it meant not to waste a minute of learning, who learned while wearing his boots and would fall asleep before he had the energy to take them off, he gave a speech about the importance of utilizing every moment to learn.

That is a gadol.

We do not know why things happen. None of us are great enough or big enough to give reasons. We can take personal messages from the events that happened-and we should. We should look inside our hearts and see what we need to change, on a personal level. But we cannot go around making broad statements saying exactly why this happened. We simply do not know.

It's when things are tough and we do not understand...that is when we need to work on strengthening our emunah. On knowing that no matter what happens, there is a reason for it. And even though we do not know why, there is a reason, there is a Creator. He is my G-d. I trust Him completely, especially when I do not understand. Especially when I am confused. Especially when life doesn't go the way I want it.

Hashem knows. Hashem runs my life.

It's easy to say. It's easy to talk about when things go smoothly. Now it's time to put it into practice. To internalize this trust, to work on it, to strengthen it, to make my emunah rock-solid, super strong.

It's easy to say.

Getting a Ticket

I got this email and wanted to share it with all of you.

I don't know what I was thinking.

Yesterday I drove three friends down to Baltimore for my roommates wedding and we drove back up to Jersey after the wedding. Six hours of driving, five hours of dancing and eleven hours of being with the same three people. B"H we got there and back safely, even in the crazy rain.

The ride felt like forever because I had to be extra careful not to speed. Usually I'll speed a little, just a little, but on this road, there were so many police pulling people over that it just wasn't worth the few minutes I'd save driving fast.

Every time I saw someone pulled over (as an aside, if you see someone pulled over, don't look at them, they are embarrassed as it is), my heart sped up, my stomach dropped, and my grip on the wheel tightened.

With every car pulled over, I glanced at my speedometer and slowed down. Although I wasn't the one being pulled over, by other people being pulled over, I was reminded that I too should make sure I'm not speeding.

No one has a perfect life.

Everyone has tzaros in some form of another. How many times do you hear a story of something that happened to someone, get an email or text telling you to say tehillm for someone, and your heart speeds up, your stomach drops, and you go on with your life?

When things happen to others-whether they are Jewish or not, they are meant as a lesson to you too.

Before Hashem does anything, He takes into account who will hear about it and who will be affected. If it reached your ears, it was meant for you too. If you see someone being "pulled over", if you see someone going through something or "getting a ticket", it's meant for you.

It's meant for you to look at your own life speedometer and to slow down. When bad things happen to others, look at yourself, look at what Hashem could be telling YOU.

Answers to our Tefillos

I wrote this a while ago and wanted to post it again for those who may not have read it and for those who want to reread it since we can always use a reminder...

We are now living in very difficult times. We all need personal yeshuos and refuos and it’s hard when we daven so hard and don’t see an answer.
First of all, we need to keep reminding ourselves who is in charge. No matter what situation we are in, we must keep remembering that no matter what, Hashem is in charge, He is running the show, He knows what is best for us and He can do anything at any time!! He can perform miracles - right in front of our eyes!
Just like He is the one who makes a person sick, He is the only one who can heal, not the doctors or anyone in the hospitals - only Hashem! He is the one who brings about every single shidduch, every single yeshuah and He runs the world!! And never underestimate the power of our tefillos.

Sometimes we daven for something and we don't see immediate results. In fact, this is not something that happens sometimes, it happens all the time! We daven and daven and beg and cry and we say to Hashem, "why?" or "when will you finally answer my tefillos?”
We expect that when we daven for something, since our tefillos are so powerful and pierce the heavens, we should get answered right away!
But this doesn't happen. It doesn't work that way.
R' Shimshon Pincus gives an amazing, down-to-earth mashal to explain this.
After you eat something very fattening, do you run to the mirror and say, "Ohmygosh! I gained weight!!"??
No! It doesn't work that way! It takes time!!!
Just like the second you eat, you will not see the extra pounds showing up when you look at your reflection in the mirror, you will not see immediate results as soon as you are done davening for someone or something - it takes time!!

When you daven for someone, your tefillah never goes to waste - if you don't see an answer, many times it's just that Hashem is saving the tefillah for another time when you least expect it, or didn't even deserve it, or didn't even daven for something - and then the yeshuah just "comes" and you wonder - "what did I do to deserve that?" It's because Hashem took out the tefillos that you davened that long time ago and uses it for a time when you need it most!!

Here’s a story I know personally that shows this point. When I was in elementary school, a girl in my grade had a family member that got sick with cancer. Everyone davened so hard for this girl’s sister. She was still young (just 19 years old) and had a whole life ahead of her. The family, the school, everyone was davening. And then…she passed away. It was so sad!

A few years later, Chaya Sara was walking with this girl’s sister (let’s name her Rivka, just for the story) and as they were crossing the street, a car turned in and hit Rivka. Her body went flying up and then fell down on the street with a thud. It was a very scary moment. Chaya Sara was totally fine, the car didn’t touch her, but the girl she was walking with was lying on the ground. Hatzalah was called and Rivka was brought to the hospital.

When her parents heard that their daughter was in a car accident, they thought, “We cannot lose another one!! Hashem, how much more do you think we can handle?! Please, please, do something to save us from any more pain!!”

Well, there was a real miracle. Rivka was brought to the emergency room and emerged without a scratch! She was totally fine!

Ask Chaya Sara if you want to know if this story really happened! She was there, walking with this girl when the accident happened!

So you see that sometimes, we may not see an answer to our tefillos right away, but Hashem saves those tefillos for when we least expect it and for when we need it most! The tefillos that everyone davened for Rivka’s sister were saved for her and she experienced a miracle!!

Let’s keep reminding ourselves that Hashem can do anything to anyone at anytime - He holds the power to heal, bring simcha and joy into our lives and He gives each person the strength they need to go thru life’s many difficult challenges.

You may want to read the comments on the original post - and for additional details of the story from Chaya Sara.

It Could Have Happened

Today while I was driving, I got to see how someone could have no idea that their life was just saved - a miracle can happen behind their back, seriously.

It reminded me of something I once heard - that a person should be thankful to Hashem for all the times things could have gone wrong but didn't, because you never know what Hashem saved you from and what could have happened that would chas v'shalom turn your world upside down!

So here's what happened. I was waiting at a red light and saw a car double-parked on the corner of the next street. Another car quickly turned the corner and made a short stop just as a passenger left the double-parked car and closed the door. I gasped and let out a scream because I thought I was about to witness an accident. If the car had not slammed on his breaks, he would have hit the car right in front of him and it would not have been pretty. Now the driver in the double-parked car had no idea what just happened and just continued on his merry way-he drove off.

I was totally blown away! First of all, an important safety rule for parking (if you are going to double-park, not that it is recommended at all) is: never double-park on a street corner. Cars drive at regular speed when they are turning and are not expecting to slow down so they can make their way through the new narrow passageway. Now that this did happen, the driver was extremely lucky that nothing happened to him or to the passenger that was leaving the car!!

He just drove off like nothing happened (well, b"h nothing happened) and I was left with my mouth hanging open!

I have no idea who the driver was and I doubt he even realized that his life was saved today but I learned a few very important lessons - the main one is that you should thank Hashem when you get home safely after you were in a car because you never know what could have happened!

Answers to our Tefillos

We are now living in very difficult times. We all need personal yeshuos and refuos and it’s hard when we daven so hard and don’t see an answer.
First of all, we need to keep reminding ourselves who is in charge. No matter what situation we are in, we must keep remembering that no matter what, Hashem is in charge, He is running the show, He knows what is best for us and He can do anything at any time!! He can perform miracles - right in front of our eyes!
Just like He is the one who makes a person sick, He is the only one who can heal, not the doctors or anyone in the hospitals - only Hashem! He is the one who brings about every single shidduch, every single yeshuah and He runs the world!! And never underestimate the power of our tefillos.

Sometimes we daven for something and we don't see immediate results. In fact, this is not something that happens sometimes, it happens all the time! We daven and daven and beg and cry and we say to Hashem, "why?" or "when will you finally answer my tefillos?”
We expect that when we daven for something, since our tefillos are so powerful and pierce the heavens, we should get answered right away!
But this doesn't happen. It doesn't work that way.
R' Shimshon Pincus gives an amazing, down-to-earth mashal to explain this.
After you eat something very fattening, do you run to the mirror and say, "Ohmygosh! I gained weight!!"??
No! It doesn't work that way! It takes time!!!
Just like the second you eat, you will not see the extra pounds showing up when you look at your reflection in the mirror, you will not see immediate results as soon as you are done davening for someone or something - it takes time!!

When you daven for someone, your tefillah never goes to waste - if you don't see an answer, many times it's just that Hashem is saving the tefillah for another time when you least expect it, or didn't even deserve it, or didn't even daven for something - and then the yeshuah just "comes" and you wonder - "what did I do to deserve that?" It's because Hashem took out the tefillos that you davened that long time ago and uses it for a time when you need it most!!

Here’s a story I know personally that shows this point. When I was in elementary school, a girl in my grade had a family member that got sick with cancer. Everyone davened so hard for this girl’s sister. She was still young (just 19 years old) and had a whole life ahead of her. The family, the school, everyone was davening. And then…she passed away. It was so sad!

A few years later, Chaya Sara was walking with this girl’s sister (let’s name her Rivka, just for the story) and as they were crossing the street, a car turned in and hit Rivka. Her body went flying up and then fell down on the street with a thud. It was a very scary moment. Chaya Sara was totally fine, the car didn’t touch her, but the girl she was walking with was lying on the ground. Hatzalah was called and Rivka was brought to the hospital.

When her parents heard that their daughter was in a car accident, they thought, “We cannot lose another one!! Hashem, how much more do you think we can handle?! Please, please, do something to save us from any more pain!!”

Well, there was a real miracle. Rivka was brought to the emergency room and emerged without a scratch! She was totally fine!

Ask Chaya Sara if you want to know if this story really happened! She was there, walking with this girl when the accident happened!

So you see that sometimes, we may not see an answer to our tefillos right away, but Hashem saves those tefillos for when we least expect it and for when we need it most! The tefillos that everyone davened for Rivka’s sister were saved for her and she experienced a miracle!!

Let’s keep reminding ourselves that Hashem can do anything to anyone at anytime - He holds the power to heal, bring simcha and joy into our lives and He gives each person the strength they need to go thru life’s many difficult challenges.