Parshas Tetzaveh

Hashem commanded Moshe Rabbeinu to build a mizbei'ach for the burning of the ketores, a mixture of spices. If one spice was left out, the whole ketores was not kosher. One of the spices, chelbina, had a bad smell. But when it was mixed together with all the other spices, it was considered pleasing before Hashem. 

We see from here that we must have unity between all types of Jews. Hashem loves when we are together, regardless of our differences. We should never think another Jew is bad enough not to be considered one of us. We shouldn't have a "holier than thou" attitude. It's when we are united that Hashem takes the greatest pleasure in us.

May we be able to love and accept all types of Jews, regardless of their outer appearance or our judgement of who we think they are! 

The Sukkah

After we confessed our sins and begged Hashem to be inscribed in the Book of Life, Hashem "wraps His arms around us" in a loving embrace. This is what the walls of the sukkah represent. 

We leave our homes and enter the sukkah, expressing our total dependence on Hashem. We live in this simple hut, showing that materialism is not the most important thing. Our focus should be on the eternal-on our relationship with Hashem and doing things that have lasting value. 

May we be able to stay calm and keep the atmosphere in the sukkah peaceful by remembering that we are in Hashem's embrace and His shechina is right here with us! 

Elul-A Message

Someone sent this to me and I wanted to pass on this beautiful message.

There is a fellow who owns a jewelry store in Israel. One day a nine year old girl walked into the store and said, “I am here to buy a bracelet.” She looked through the glass cases and pointed to a bracelet that was $3,000. The man behind the counter asked her, “You want to buy that bracelet?”

“Yes,” she replied.

“Wow, you have very good taste. Who do you want to buy it for?”

“For my older sister.”

“Oh that is so nice!” the storekeeper replied. “Why do you want to buy your older sister this bracelet?”

“Because I don’t have a mother or father,” the little girl said, “and my older sister takes care of us. So we want to buy her a present, and I’m willing to pay for it.” She pulled out of her pocket a whole bunch of coins that totaled just under eight shekels, a little less than two dollars.

The fellow says, “Wow! That’s exactly what the bracelet costs!” While wrapping up the bracelet he said to the girl, “You write a card to your sister while I wrap the bracelet.” He finished wrapping the bracelet, wiped away his tears, and handed the little girl the bracelet.

A few hours later the older sister entered the store. “I’m terribly embarrassed,” she said. “My sister should not have come here. She shouldn’t have taken it without paying.”

“What are you talking about?” the storekeeper asked.

“What do you mean? This bracelet costs thousands of dollars. My little sister doesn’t have thousands of dollars – she doesn’t even have ten dollars! Obviously she didn’t pay for it.”

“You couldn’t be more wrong,” the storekeeper replied. “She paid me in full. She paid seven shekel, eighty agurot, and a broken heart. I want to tell you something. I am a widower. I lost my wife a number of years ago. People come into my store every single day. They come in and buy expensive pieces of jewelry, and all these people can afford it. When your sister walked in, for the first time in so very long since my wife had died, I once again felt what love means.”

He gave her the bracelet and wished her well.

During the High Holy Days, we come to the Almighty and we want to buy something very expensive. We want to buy life. But we cannot afford it. We don’t have enough money to pay for it. We don’t have the merits. So we come to the Almighty and we empty out our pockets, giving him whatever merits we have plus promises for the future. I’ll pick up the phone and call someone who is lonely, I will learn an extra five minutes of Torah, I will be kind and I will be scrupulous about not speaking lashon hara (gossip) for one hour a day.

The Almighty says, “You don’t know how long it’s been since I’ve felt what love means.” He sees how much we love Him and how much we yearn to improve, and He says, “You know what? You have touched my heart. Here it is, paid in full.”

(The story was told over by Rabbi Go’el Elkarif who said he heard it from the person to whom it happened.)

Purim Poem

Here is the poem I sent along with my mishloach manos this year. Enjoy!

Purim is here, a day full of fun
A day of happiness for everyone
The megillah is read for all to hear
Then gifts to the poor and goodies to share
There is so much meaning to the mitzvos we do on this day
It’s about finding Hashem in nature in a deeper way
Everything we have is like a personal gift from Hashem
From our health to our family and everything between them
It’s sometimes hard to notice that it’s special for you
When everyone around you has the same gifts too
So on Purim when the megillah is read
Hashem is migaleh, He is revealed from beginning to end
Even though His name is not mentioned at all
We can find Him when we see Haman’s downfall
Just like Esther didn’t understand why she had to be married to the king
It was only later when she saved the Jewish Nation that she understood everything
So too in our own lives, we may not always see Hashem’s hand
But we must internalize this emunah that He has a good plan
So after reading the megillah, our hearts overflow
With love for Hakadosh Baruch Hu for now we know
That whatever may appear to be bad in our eyes
Is really for the good, Hashem is just disguised
Now we want to give back to Hashem but how can we
Give anything to the King of all kings who created you and me?
Instead we give His children two types of gifts on this day
Matanos Li’evyonim is filling their needs and it’s as if we say
Hashem, I’m taking care of your children and since I am your child too
Please continue to take care of me, giving me all I need from you
Then Mishloach Manos-we give to people who don’t need anything
It is an expression of our relationship and closeness it does bring
So too Hashem gives each of us things we need because we lack
But He gives us so many extras, more than just the clothing on our backs
This shows that He loves us because we are His children so dear
He takes care of us and gives us so much bounty, every day every year
So on this Purim day, let’s realize that we show our appreciation
To Hashem for all the good by giving gifts to His Chosen Nation
And may this Purim be the year
When the “whys” of our life all disappear
And all is revealed and it’s finally clear!

A Freilichen Purim!

(If you are looking for a Purim poem and came across this one and want to use it, please email me or leave a comment here. Thank you!)

Park Musings

I'm in the park with my baby. I watch a whole group of girls entering the park excitedly, together with their counselor. They walk together, as one unit, in close-knit groups of friends having fun together.

And I think.

I think about these girls...as individuals. Each one of them is precious to their parents. Each one comes from her own home with parents who worry about them as they hope for them to have a good day, to have good friends, to just be happy.

Yes, these girls look like one group of happy day-campers, having fun and playing together. But there is so much more behind each face. Siblings who love them (hopefully), parents who care for them, grandparents who enjoy them and shep nachas when they see them...a whole separate family unit, away from the group of girls they spend most of their days with.

There's a girl running through the sprinkler, having a great time, getting soaking wet. 

There's another girl who trips and falls down, but her counselor gets her back up again without even giving her a chance to cry. She joins the rest of the group and forgets about her fall within seconds.

She's just a counselor, I think.

How would her mother react?

Her mother's heart would skip a beat when she'd see her child fall. She'd quickly embrace her, calm her down, comfort her and then let her run off again to play...with a warning to be more careful next time.

Parents love each child...each one as an individual. 

It doesn't matter how many other cute, pretty or smart girls there are in her bunk.

Each child belongs to her mother. To her father. To her parents. To parents who love them with their whole heart, who would do anything for their children. 

Even if a parent has more than one child, they worry and care about each one separately, independent of their other children. Each child, with his/her character, personality and makeup has different needs...and every parent wants to do their utmost to take care of them and make sure those needs are met.

We are all children of Hashem.

Hashem loves each of us as an individual. 

We are like an only child to Him.

Yes, there are so many other "children" playing in the park of life, running through sprinklers, getting wet, having fun, tripping and falling and needing help getting back up. 

That's the greatness of Hashem.

He is not like a human being who is limited by time and space, who cannot do more than one (or two or three for the really talented multi taskers out there!) thing(s) at a time. 

Hashem, like a loving, caring father, looks out for each of us at all times.

Tomorrow is Rosh Chodesh Elul. Elul is an acronym for ani ledodi vedodi li. It is a time for us to come closer to Hashem, closer to our loving Father, look inside ourselves and around us and think about the things we want to change. 

Our relationship with Him.

If you moved away from your parent and during that time your relationship got somewhat strained and then you found out that your parent was moving back...to your city...to your town...down the street from you...wouldn't you want to work on fixing your relationship? Wouldn't you want to become close once again?

Well, now's the chance. 

Hashem is moving back. He's moving in. He's coming back to you. To your neighborhood...

He will enter your heart.

All you have to do is let Him in.

Try to rid yourself of things that distract you from Him. Try to connect to Him once again...with your siddur, with your tehillim, with your own words...with His Torah.

Take out a book, a Jewish book, an inspiring book, a book that talks about growth...and try to reconnect.

Your Loving Father is waiting for you.

Don't wait. 

As the month of Av, which stands for Elul Ba, comes to a close, and we welcome in the month of Elul, do what it takes to achieve that closeness and connection your heart is yearning for.

Hashem will welcome you with open arms. You just have to take the first step towards Him.

Pischu Li Pesach...you open the opening the size of the head of a needle...V'ani eftach lachem...and I [Hashem] will open for you...the size of a ballroom.

May you be able to utilize the time you have during the coming month to take positive steps towards change and growth. May you be able to move slowly, one baby step at a time...so those changes last. And may you be able to look back at the end of this month and be proud of yourself and what you accomplished!

God’s Invisible Love-A Poem

A friend of mine, LDL, shared the following poem she wrote and gave me permission to post it here.

Sometimes, when you read something and you know who it is coming from, it has a much stronger impact. Although you don't know her, the author of this poem has experienced a lot in her life. The fact that she was still able to write these words, even though she has been through so much makes reading it all the more powerful.

Sometimes when we don’t think and are in pain
We feel like in our life there is no gain
Shattered broken and alone
With nowhere to go

Keep in mind there is someone that cares
He is high up in the sky
Not a day goes by
Even with our fears
Know for us he is there

God listens to our cry
And wipes our tears
He is hugging us tight
And whispers, it will be alright

Someday you will see
That all was meant to be
Its just in the moment
When were numb and blind
Worrying that happiness we wont find

God is smiling to you
Saying, I love you my dear
I might be invisible
But I see your tears

I am holding your hand
Don’t be scared
It’s time to let go my child
With closed eyes
I spread my wings
Let go of my pain
Its time to fly

I know he’s here
Always at my side
Watching from above
Showering me with his love.

One Year Later

I wrote this today, Yud Aleph Tamuz, on the yartzheit of Leiby Kletzky.

I sit here with so much going on around me

And no one would know what's going on inside me

I remember with clarity that dreadful day

When precious little Leiby was suddenly taken away

The news that he was missing opened all our hearts

And the news that he was found awoke us with a start

That tearful morning when all of us were told

He was found but no longer with us, a child, a treasure, like gold

Today, one year later, so much to think about

It's easy to point fingers, to get upset and shout

We can talk about safety and not talking to strangers

We can talk about awareness and prevention of dangers

But we must accept this as reality, no Leiby's not coming back

It is hard but we need to take something from the day our world turned black

A message, a lesson, from this story so scary

And move beyond the tears so we can start to see clearly

We need to internalize this idea until we believe it's true

That there is a plan from above by Hakadosh Baruch Hu

At times like this when it seems so confusing and unclear

We need to keep reminding ourselves that Hashem is always here.

He watches over each of us, our each and every step

And even though we cannot comprehend, we don't know why just yet

There are so many pieces to this puzzle of life and

There are so many things above the surface-we cannot understand

So...our focus for now should be, not the details of the story

But on how we can change and do something, ask how can this change ME?

Take a message from this little boy whose life was shortened so suddenly

And try today to appreciate those close to you-your family

Take the time to show them how much they really mean to you

Show them they are important, speak gently, try not to argue

Verbalize the three words that express that it is true

Don't push it off for another time, just say I love you

Because anyone who lost someone close to them very suddenly

Will surely say the same as I, they surely will agree

The one wish that we have, is for another chance to

Spend some more time with them, say one more I love you

So while you still have a chance, express it, don't you wait

Don't keep pushing it off, until it is too late

Tell those closest to you how you really feel inside

Your parents, spouse, siblings, children-your true emotions don't you hide

And keep davening for the day when all our pain will end

When the ultimate yeshuah Hashem will finally send

May we all be zoche to the time when our deepest dreams come true

When we can almost feel Hashem telling us, "My child, I love you!"

Little Tiger

I sometimes wonder if little kids books are really meant to give important lessons to the adults who are reading them to their children.

Tonight, I read Read to Tiger to my son. It's a cute little story about a boy who is trying to read a book and the tiger behind the couch keeps doing things to get his attention. He dresses up like a bear and says "roar", he blows a whistle while he plays with the boy's toy train and each time the boy yells at the tiger to please keep quiet and the tiger listens meekly and will try to behave. This keeps happening until the tiger takes a peek at the book and sees a picture of another tiger, gets excited and asks the boy if he can read the book too. So together, they snuggle up on the couch and finally everyone is happy. The boy can read in peace and quiet and the tiger is being entertained with something that keeps him interested.

This gave me a lot to think about. How many kids and teens are just like this little tiger? Searching for attention. Needing to be noticed. Craving a hug. Waiting for someone to listen. But the people who matter to them, the people who they are looking towards for just a few minutes of their time are too busy trying to read their book without any distractions...and it gets too noisy and they yell...can't you just keep quiet and keep to yourself instead of getting in the way?!

When a kid starts acting out, making any kind of noise, it's happening for a reason. The kid is trying to get you to notice them and take interest in them and see what it is they need so badly.

The kid wants you to "snuggle up on a couch" with them and read a book together. They want your time, your attention, your love and they want you to listen to them.

Teens who are acting out are doing it for a reason. They need something. They need someone to listen to them. Girls in high school have a lot of questions. They can get the answers if they are listened to by someone who cares. But if they are laughed at and ignored or worse-put down, they can start going down, downhill...

This is an important tool in chinuch with even the youngest children. When my son starts throwing toys (What? He does that? YES!), he does it for either of two reasons. Either he is so tired that it's the only thing he could do at the moment-throw anything and everything in sight. Or he wants attention. He wants me to stop making supper, cleaning up, texting (ahem) and sit with him on the floor and play with some toys or sit on the couch (way more comfortable :) ) and read a book together.

We all have that little tiger inside us-a part of us that craves love and attention. There are both positive and negative ways to get it. Not all people want to take the time to figure out and work through the positive ways of getting proper recognition. Sometimes it's easier to misbehave, to act out, so other people will notice them. But then they may get pushed away, further and further...They get noticed for a minute but are not wanted around. And so they'll try again...until they realize that just like in the story, when people come together and recognize each other for what they can contribute together as a team, they'll feel loved, they'll get the positive attention they need and they will feel happy.

Preparing for Shavuos

I posted this last year and wanted to share it with you once again.

Over shabbos, I read an amazing piece from R' Shimshon Pincus and I wanted to share it with you.

Shavuos is compared to the wedding between Hashem and Bnei Yisroel. On Pesach, we got engaged, sefira is a time to do the preparations and get ready for the wedding and Shavuos is the BIG DAY. Before a person gets married, they are not committed to the person they married. But once the chuppah is over, they are husband and wife and they promise to be faithful to one another.

There are three stages in shidduchim. The first one is the actual checking out and dating. At this point, both the boy and the girl have to agree to continue on. If the girl or the boy doesn't want it, there is no shidduch. The second part is the kinyan which again requires the absolute consent of both the boy and the girl. When he proposes, they are only engaged if she says "yes" and she will only get engaged if he asks her, "will you marry me?"!! They both must want it and agree that they want to get married. One they agree and they get married, they are bound to each other.

Pesach is the first part-Hashem wants to take us as a nation and we have to want to be close to Him. During sefira, we are engaged and getting ready for the grand wedding-Kaballas HaTorah! When we get to Shavuos, we reach a point where we say, "na'aseh v'nishma" and then we are bound to Hashem. Now there are two parts in our love and commitment in this marriage. The first one is "Anochi Hashem" and the second one is "Lo Yihiyeh Licha."

Anochi Hashem means that we are connected to Hashem like a husband and wife, with the love they have for each other. Lo Yihiyeh Licha means that we promise to be faithful and not do anything that will disconnect ourselves from Hashem. We are making an agreement with Hashem that we will continue to keep the Torah and not do things that make us stray from it. We will try our best, our hardest, to stay close to Him by doing the mitzvos and we will stay far away from things that distance us from Him.

We are now approaching the sheloshes yimei hagbalah, the three days before Shavuos that are meant to be used in preparation for the big day, the day that we are getting married to Hashem. We have to think about where we stand, where we are going and what we want this marriage to look like. How can we make sure this will be a relationship that will last? We have to look at what we are busy with and think, are we doing things that help us get closer to Hashem?

We need to build our love for Hashem by thinking and thanking Him for all the good things He continually does for us. How often do we notice the many brachos we are blessed with? Do we constantly thank Hashem for our health? Our families? Our friends? The many different foods and bounty we are so lucky to have?

We need to remain faithful to Hashem by getting rid of the things that distance ourselves from Him. Is the music you are listening to, the things that you read and watch, are they helping you get closer to Him or are they making you move further away?

These are important questions to ask yourself before Shavuos comes-during these next few days. This is how you can prepare for Kaballas HaTorah, by thinking about the things you do in your life and making decisions to focus upwards. Focus on the good you have and thank Hashem for it. Focus on the things you are doing and think about how you can make sure your actions bring you closer to Hashem!

May you all be able to prepare well for the big day...the grand wedding! And may it be a relationship that lasts forever!!

Mistakes

The following two questions were submitted anonymously using the form on the right.

Q: How is a person supposed to deal with embarrassment with a mistake that person makes but cant stop and is constantly getting embarrassed by what they did every time that person mentions it or brings it up?

A: I'll repeat it the way I remember hearing from someone I look up to and respect. People tend to think that mistakes are a bad thing. But that's not true. Mistakes are only bad if you don't learn from them. Mistakes are actually good - if you take a lesson from whatever you did and use it to change or grow in the future or to make sure that specific situation doesn't happen again.

For example, if you were trying to bake a cake while you were on the phone with a friend and you skipped out one ingredient, you may not be happy with the results of that cake because your forgot to put in the sugar (!) but this was a mistake that you will make sure not to repeat. If you learn from this experience and decide not to talk on the phone again when you are baking because it disturbs your concentration and then your cake wont come out good, then that mistake is a good thing! You took a lesson from it and from now on, your cakes will come out delicious because you will be able to focus on what you are doing without getting distracted!

The first thing you need to do is see if you can take a practical lesson from whatever happened and make sure you can do something to be more careful in the future.

If a friend or family member keeps reminding you about the incident and that makes you embarrassed, try to talk it over with her. Tell her straight out: it makes me uncomfortable when you constantly bring up that mistake I made. I know I should have been more careful and I botched up the cake and we didn't have dessert for shabbos but next time I will make sure I am not distracted by other things and then it will work out perfectly!

It is very important to be able to communicate openly about how you feel about certain things to those who are close to you so that they do not hurt your feelings by reminding you about past mistakes.

I know the example I gave is a petty one but I hope you can apply it to the mistake you made and work it out in a way that makes both you and the one who reminds you about it happy at the end of the conversation.

If the mistake you made is something wrong morally, ethically or is a bad deed - an aveira, you need to go one step further. You will need to do teshuva - verbalize the aveira, sincerely feel bad about what you did, and take upon yourself to work on that action so that you don't do it again. Chaya Sara wrote a great post a while back called how to do teshuva.

And don't think teshuva is only for Elul, it can and should be done as close as possible to the time the aveira was done - this way you are showing Hashem that you really feel bad about what you did and you sincerely want to change for the better! And then when Elul comes around, you'll have less things to fix!

* * *

Q: How should we react when we find out that a parent made big mistakes?

A: Know that parents are also human beings. All people make mistakes. It says that there is no such thing as a person who never erred or who never sinned (I'm not sure about the exact wording but it's something like Ein tzaddik ba'aretz asher ya'aseh tov v'lo yecheteh.)
Your parents are normal - and just like everyone else in the world they made a mistake.

Depending on what happened next and the effect of their mistake, you may want to find a way to speak to them respectfully about it or get someone to be a go-between to help find a way to fix it.

I don't know what you mean by big mistakes so I can't say much more.

The only thing I have to add is that whatever the thing is that your parent did that looks wrong in your eyes should not diminish your respect for them. You may not know their full thought process behind what they did, they may have expected different results based on the decision they made, but know that parents always want to do whatever is best for their children - and THAT is enough of a reason to continue to love and respect them.
Their emotions may get in the way of their decisions, they may have done something you view as wrong but you cannot know everything they were thinking when they did whatever they did.

Continue appreciating all the good things your parents do for you and most importantly, remember that they are human beings too and you cannot expect perfection from anyone.

I hope this helps both of you. I would really appreciate if the person/people who asked these two questions would comment and let me know if this helped you and if you still have any thoughts or questions about what I wrote.

Every Single Jew

EVERY single Jew stood at Har Sinai 3,323 years ago.

EVERY single Jew.

Hashem gave the holy Torah to EVERY single Jew.

Hashem proclaimed His love for EVERY single Jew.

Every Jew is a child of Hashem

"בנים אתם לד' אלקיכם"

NO EXCEPTIONS.

In just a few weeks we will celebrate the anniversary of that great and awesome day in history.

Between now and Shavuos, Let's show Hashem that we will emulate Him and start loving EVERY single Jew.

Yes, even the ones that don't dress as we do.

Yes, even the ones that don't think as we do.

Yes, even the ones that are not yet as close to Hashem as we think they should be.

Yes, even the ones that don't love us in return.

EVERY Jew is a child of Hashem.

EVERY single one.

Like One Man, with One Heart.

כאיש אחד בלב אחד

Perhaps if we all demonstrate our love for each other, we will finally merit seeing the glory of Hashem in a way that will make the revelation of 3,323 years ago pale in comparison.

Amen.

Faith Crisis

All of us, at some point or another have what is termed by some as "a faith crisis". For some it's stronger than others but for all it amounts to the same thing: The Yetzer Hara trying to ruin us.

This is nothing new and nothing unique to any one individual, this is how Hashem created His world. This is how He wants us to struggle. This is His way of giving us opportunities to "earn" our share in Olam Haba.

The Yetzer Hara in his cunning way usually springs on us right when we are davening, learning or otherwise doing something positive. We have to learn how to ignore him and be indifferent to his stupidity and remember that Chazal teach us that the Yetzer Hara, Satan and Malach Hamaves, are ONE AND THE SAME! HE causes us to sin, then HE goes and tells Hashem that we sinned and deserve punishment then HE gets to kill us for our sins. Quite a backstabber if there ever was one!

He is our enemy. We must internalize that and ignore his advances at all costs.

Do we fall? Yes. we all do.

Do we fail? Yes we all do.

Do we sin? Yes, we all do.

But the main thing is to get right back up again and continue with our Avodas Hashem. We grow not DESPITE our falls, rather we grow BECAUSE of our falls. Sheva Yipol Tzadik V'Kam (Mishlei Perek 24:16). A Tzaddik USES his falls to his advantage. See Siddur HaGra, Pirush Siach Yitzchok on the Posuk (that we say daily in Pesukei D'Zimrah, fromTehilim 147) "Harofei Lishvurei Lev U'Mechabesh L'Atzvosam".

You must always believe in yoursef, as Rav Tzadok teaches us that just as one is obligated to believe in Hashem, so too one is obligated to believe in themself! (Tzidkas HaTzadik 154)

The more you grow and the closer you get to Hashem, the more pressure the lousy yetzer Hara will put on you to try to bring you down.

Just close your eyes for a few minutes a day and make a mental list of all the good that Hashem gives you on a daily basis. Do you deserve any of it? Have you really earned it? NO! It is only Hashem's endless kindness and love for us that causes Him to give, give, give and give us always.

He is our loving Father and if He ever gives us trials and tribulations, think of them as opportunities, not as punishments.

As the great Tzaddik Rav Avigdor Miller Zatzal used to say, There is no such thing as a bad situation; rather it's a difficult situation. Everything Hashem does is for our ultimate good. Everything. No exceptions.

The best way to try and get rid of "faith crisis" thoughts is to NOT THINK ABOUT THEM. Of course, adding Torah, Tefilah, Mussar etc. to your day is always a good thing to try and control the Yetzer Hara.

Of course, whenever any negative activity is overcome, it leaves in its place a void, which should be filled immediately with something positive, as the Yetzer Hara thrives in a vaccum.

And finally, keep your Simcha intact, as the #1 tool of the Yetzer Hara is making people sad, down and depressed. Avoid that at ALL costs.

Simcha Shel Mitzvah!

Always.

Taken from www.halachafortoday.com with permission

Chag Kasher v'Sameach!

I just want to wish all of the readers of this blog a very happy and uplifting yom tov.

May you be able to gain from your Pesach seder by making it real to you, reading new and exciting insights on the hagaddah and instilling your heart with love for Hashem and all the miracles He has performed for us from the beginning of time until now.

When you eat the matzah, which is called "bread of emunah", let that emunah seep into your heart. Realize that Hashem and only Hashem is the one who can do anything - from big to small - and put your trust in Him.

When the seder is done, some people say Shir Hashirim - why? Because by the time you finish reading about and truly experiencing yetzias mitzrayim, your heart is bursting with such intense love! So you throw those emotions into the next page - the special song of Shir Hashirim which talks about the love of Hashem and Bnei Yisroel!

May you be zoche to come out of the seder with renewed emunah in and extra love for Hashem and all the good He bestows upon us!

Giving on Purim - An Amazing Thought!!

THIS IS THE EMAIL I SENT AROUND LAST YEAR (and the year before too) AND I STILL FIND IT INSPIRING.

Even if you've read this before, trust me, it's definitely worth rereading!!!!

I LEARNED SOME NEW THINGS THIS YEAR BUT DIDN’T HAVE TIME TO TYPE IT ALL UP SO PLEASE ACCEPT THIS GIFT…AN AMAZING DVAR TORAH ON PURIM FROM R’ SHIMSHON PINCUS ZT”L!!

Purim is a time where we see Hashem revealed to us through the natural things that happen to us, not through major miracles…

He says that megillah comes from the lashon of l'galos, to reveal because thru reading the megillah, Hashem is revealed because we see that every detail was planned with such accuracy…Esther becoming queen and marrying Achashveirosh…saving the whole Jewish nation with the help of her uncle, Mordechai who was one of the ministers of the king…All these details looked like a regular story, a king kills the queen, picks a new one…but really, Hashem is behind the whole story! And that’s why His name is not mentioned once in the megillah, because He is behind it, and we have to look out for Him!! And so too, each detail of every person’s life is planned to perfection! And this fills our heart with such love for Hashem that we wish we could give him back!! But how can we give back to Hashem?

There are 2 types of giving.

One: give someone to fill a void, ex: someone gets hurt, you buy them a present (a bike for a child in an accident)
Two: you love someone sooo much, you just want to give them a gift to show them how much u love them not because they need it. (ex: a dozen roses)

On Purim, we give both types, but only after we have heard the megillah and feel that tremendous love towards Hashem.

One: matanos l’evyonim-we give to many people because they are missing out and need the money
Two: mishloach manos-we just read the megillah, in which Hashem was revealed to all of us and we are all filled with such love for Him that we want to give Him a present...but we cant because He has everything already! The best thing you can give to someone who has everything is to give his children, so we give it to His children-mishloach manos-which is a present we wanted to give Hashem but give to His children instead!!

Isn’t that an awesome thought and an unbelievable way of looking at it?! I’m telling you, when I read this, my heart was filled with such LOVE for Hashem…DO YOU REALIZE HOW MUCH HE DOES FOR US????!!!!!! Just the fact that you woke up this morning and are healthy and well and able to read asher yatzar and see and hear and understand and even the fact that you can read this post!! We have sooo much to thank Hashem for!!!

So let’s use this day of Purim (and the time before) to thank Hashem for all the never-ending gifts He gives us…and the more you thank Hashem, the more He will want to give!!!

Have a beautiful and inspiring Purim!!

Valentine's Day, Every Day

Here's a great video from aish called Valentine's Day, Every Day.

I'm not sure why but this video is not showing up in Google Reader. Come directly to the blog to watch it. Trust me, it's worth it!



It gives across such an important message! Why should we have ONE DAY a year to express our love for the people who are important to us? Shouldn't we do that every day?

Every day, we thank Hashem for all the things He gives us - from big to small. In shemona esrei, we thank Him for things that seem so basic, almost like they're a given. I once read that when you thank Hashem for giving you knowledge (in the bracha of ata chonen l'adam da'as), you should thank Hashem for the fact that you remember your own name and where you live! Who would even think of that - it seems like, of course I should remember where I live and what my name is! But no! It's not a given, it's a gift!! And you have to constantly thank the One who gave it to you!

In the birchos hashachar, we thank Hashem for our eyesight (pokei'ach ivrim), clothing (malbish arumim), waking us up in the morning (matir asurim). Thanking Him for little things are really important - because they are not so little after all! There is no one day in the calendar to express our appreciation to Him for all the things He gave and continues to give to us; we utilize every day, every tefillah to thank Him for what we have!

And it's the same thing with human relationships. If there's a special one day a year to express our love for the people that mean the most to us, what about the rest of the year?! It's important to show our appreciation to our parents, spouse, children and friends all the time! By telling them thank you for the little things they do - which really are not so little (do you know what it takes to have supper ready for the family? Or to keep the house clean? or to think of that perfectly thoughtful birthday present?), you are showing them that they are important in your life and they mean a lot to you!

Expressing appreciation to those who are closest to you does not have to be exclusive to one day in the calendar. Celebrate Valentine's Day every day!

What Are We Doing Wrong?!

Here's a question someone asked:

I just can't. I flip out when I hear stories lo aleinu like I'm hearing daily lately…young couples getting divorced, peoples parents dying, young people getting sick right and left…the list is endless and its almost so normal that it doesn't pull at anyone’s heartstrings anymore. But what is Klal Yisroel doing wrong? There must be a reason. I know we are supposed to always see the blessings Hashem gives and I do. He gave me an awesome life with tonz of blessing and strength to handle any hardship. So I know we have to look at all the good but all these messages are not meant for us to ignore. How can I also stop myself from thinking worried negative thoughts when I keep on hearing these tzaros of yidden?

Yes, your question is a real one. People are dealing with crazy amounts of pain these days. It's so hard to understand it all.

It doesn't mean that the entire nation is at fault. Of course every person that hears about a tzarah should take a message from it and see how they can change. But we are living in a time filled with pain - not because we are doing terrible things and Hashem wants to punish us. It's because we are so far away from Him - we are on a much lower level than the generations that came before us. And Hashem wants to be closer to us. He wants to be connected to us. So He sends us situations that make us turn to Him. He wants us to relate to Him on the closest possible level! How will that happen?

We are a generation that is blessed with so much good! Hashem has given us all the conveniences we could ever hope for! Washing machines, sinks that bring us water the second we turn the knob, refrigerators, freezers, cell phones, stores overloaded with so many choices of foods, drinks, snacks and treats...the list goes on and on. We have so many things that should make us turn to Hashem and thank Him. The very things that should make our lives stress free and give us MORE time to spend on spirituality and growth keep us so busy we don't even have an extra minute! We don't have to go down to the river to wash our clothes - we just pop them into the washing machine and some forty-five minutes later they come out sparkling clean. Then we just throw them into a dryer and another hour later everything is dry and ready to be folded and put away!

But instead of having more time to spend getting connected to Hashem, we are busier than ever. So how does Hashem remind us that He exists? By sending us pain. By telling us, "I love you. I want to connect to you. I want you to talk to me but you are too busy."

It's not that our generation is bad. It's that we are too busy with other things so we need more reminders. Hashem loves us all. He wants to hear from us. It's known that when things are hard it gets us to turn to Him.

If we were all to turn to Hashem and thank Him every time we hear good news, maybe He wouldn't have to send us so many painful situations to get us to connect to Him!

Also, when you hear that other people are going through hard times, it is a chance for you to daven to Hashem to beg Him to give them the strength to go through it and to help them come out of it stronger!!

I hope this helps you!

Understanding Pain - Part 2

Here's the question that was submitted anonymously using the form on the right.

When trying to help a loved one in a time of nisayon, its so easy for you to just say "it's from Hashem". But when you are the one going through a nisayon, knowing its all from Hashem doesn't make you feel any better. Although you know its from Hashem, the next world seems so far off and you can't imagine why He is putting you through this. What can help you, in your moment of pain, realize that everything is really for the best?

Make sure to read Part 1 of the answer.

Continued...

There are other reasons why Hashem put pain into this world. You need to strengthen yourself at all times - especially when things are good - that everything is from Him and everything happens for a good reason. Why during the good times do you need to strengthen your emunah in Him? Because this will lay the foundation - this will be the groundwork - so that when things get hard you will have what to fall back on. You will feel it so strongly in your heart that it's all from Him and for the best!

I always say this but I'll say it again. People ask my family how we were all so strong and dealt with my brother's passing the way we did. When people came to be menachem avel they couldn't believe how much chizuk they got. They thought they would have to comfort us but they left our house feeling truly uplifted. (Now don't get the wrong message - people definitely gave us a TON of chizuk during the shiva but at the same time, we were also able to strengthen those who came.)

So how were we able to stay so strong? It's because we didn't start working on our emunah the moment the hardship came along. It's something that was part and parcel of the chinuch in our home. It's the way my mother raised us. Always bringing Hashem into the picture. Showing us how we have to trust in Him at all times. And she was able to lay down such a strong, solid foundation of emunah and instill in our hearts such a firm belief in Hashem so when this came our way (and it was HARD, don't get me wrong), we were able to continue strengthening ourselves and others.

It's also important to notice Hashem in the little things that happen. Because when you remember to acknowledge every happening to Him - especially the little things - making the bus, finding a parking space, having a good meal for dinner, getting along with your neighbors/friends/coworkers, it strengthens you and will help you continue to trust in Him when the bigger and harder things come your way. You'll know it so strongly in your heart of hearts that no matter what is going on it's because Hashem loves you!

Every so often, look at yourself in the mirror and say, "Hashem loves me just because I'm His child." This can be a very powerful and empowering experience - reminding yourself time and again that He loves you!

Another reason why Hashem may put you through a certain difficult experience is to get you to work on a certain middah and this is the best way to get you to work on that specific thing. You may need to work on your patience or your anger but if things went smoothly you would not need to work on it at all! How could a person who never had anyone rub them the wrong way work on controlling their anger? How could someone who never encountered someone different than them work on their patience?

When a teacher has a student who doesn't grasp the concept she is trying to teach as quickly as the rest of the class, she has to work on finding a way to explain it clearly to her. But if all her students just "got it" right away, there would be no challenge and she wouldn't perfect her teaching skills.

Your skills in this world get perfected, you are able to deal with people who are different than you, when things are a little difficult - not when things are smooth! Because easy times don't cause any changes on your part! It's the hardships that make you notice that you have to change certain things about yourself and the way you relate to others!

And there's still more to say...

Understanding Pain - Part 1

The following question was submitted anonymously using the form on the right.

When trying to help a loved one in a time of nisayon, its so easy for you to just say "it's from Hashem". But when you are the one going through a nisayon, knowing its all from Hashem doesn't make you feel any better. Although you know its from Hashem, the next world seems so far off and you can't imagine why He is putting you through this. What can help you, in your moment of pain, realize that everything is really for the best?

This is a really important question. Sometimes, it's so much easier to give other people chizuk when they are going through hard times. To tell them that "it's all from Hashem and it's for the best". But when it comes to your own personal trials and tests it's not so easy. All of a sudden it hits you and you say "Why? Why Hashem are you doing this to me??"

I once heard someone say that a person should not have emunah for someone else. When someone you know is going through a difficult time, you should not be saying, "don't worry it's all gonna work out in the end." No! You should be doing all you can to help them out as if they depend on YOU only for the thing they need! You shouldn't say, "Hashem will send you your shidduch/the job you need/the friends you need..." You should go out there and try your best to do whatever you can to help them out! Don't have emunah for them that it's gonna work out - YOU do what YOU can to make it happen! And if you can't do anything to help them (You don't know any potential candidates/you don't have the right connections to help them find a job...) then you should daven your heart out to Hashem to bring them their yeshuah.

But when it comes to your own nisyonos, your own tests, that's when you need to strengthen your emunah that everything comes from Him. So what should you think? What should you tell yourself to help pull you through?

Everyone has hardships. Know that you are not the only one. People may look like everything is going well on the outside but each and every person is experiencing challenges and every person needs to strengthen their trust in Hashem.

It says Es asher ye'ehav yochi'ach - Hashem sends challenges to those that He loves. Know that if Hashem is putting you through a hard time it's because HE LOVES YOU!! He wants to connect to you and He wants you to turn to Him. So when things are going fine and dandy it's easy to forget about Hashem. But when things don't go the way you want them to, that's when all of a sudden you remember, "Hey! Hashem is the One that runs my life! He's the One who made this happen. I should really turn to Him and ask Him to get me out of this."

It's like the classic father-son mashal. (Imagine the days before cell phones for a minute.)
The son is away at college and gets a monthly allowance along with a letter from his father updating him on what's going on in the family. The son cashes the check and spends the money. He doesn't write home to tell his father how he's doing. He's too busy studying and spending time with his friends.
But the father misses his son. He wants to hear from him. So one month he sends the letter without a check.
The son feels silly writing a letter asking the father for money without saying anything else. So he writes a letter telling his father how he's doing and updates him on how his studies are going. And he ends of the letter with a "by the way...did you forget to send the check this month?"
This is what his father was waiting for! He wanted to hear from his son because he missed him!! The son could think, Why did my father hold back the money from me? Doesn't he know I need it? Doesn't he love me?
But that's precisely why he didn't send the money - BECAUSE he wanted to hear from his son!!

And it's the same with us and Hashem - sometimes He may hold something back from you or puts you through certain situations just to get you to turn to Him. He loves you and misses hearing from you! He misses that close connection and so He reminds you that He's here - close by - just turn to ME because I'm the only One who can help you!!

To be continued...