Perfect

 Parshas Emor

When a Jew brought a korban, he had to make sure it did not have any blemishes. The Torah specifies what is considered a blemish that would render an animal unfit for a sacrifice. Hashem, who is perfect in every way, can only be given an animal as a korban that is totally perfect. 

As we try to make sense of what happened yesterday, (which we cannot, it just doesn't make sense,) we need to remind ourselves again and again that Hashem is perfect. He has a plan. He knows what He is doing. We are imperfect. We don't understand why. We shouldn't understand it. If we understood tragedy, we wouldn't be moved by it and we would never feel touched by the pain of others. Let's just remind ourselves that Hashem is perfect. 

May we strengthen our emunah in Hashem during this difficult time and be zoche to the Ultimate Geula so soon!

How Can it be?

The 15th yartzeit of my brother, Shalom ben Chaim Nosson, is tonight and tomorrow. It's hard to believe it's been so long, yet the emotions come back and we miss him so much. May all the actions we do for his neshama bring us comfort as his neshama continues to go higher and higher in gan eden.

Here's the poem I wrote this year.

un

How can it be?

It's been 15 years since that fateful day,

When you climbed that tall tree that took your life away,

Our family was so shocked when we were told,

Shalom, you were too young to die, you weren't yet 16 years old!

How can it be?

You lived your life according to the way you were raised,

At your levaya, for all your special qualities you were praised,

You looked out for others, helping before you were asked,

And now, up in heaven, in the pleasure of the שכינה your soul does bask.

How can it be?

We continue to talk about your unique qualities,

Sharing stories with our friends and family,

How your sense of humor and love of animals is what made you you,

And now your nephew, with your name is so similar too!

How can it be?

He loves to climb trees, wishes he could live on a farm,

Is so gentle with animals, won't cause them any harm,

Chess is a game he loves to play,

And now for a label machine, with his own money he wants to pay.

How can it be?

I miss you more than words can express,

I became stronger and more sensitive through this huge test,

I wish I could see you one more time,

Give you a hug and share thoughts that are mine.

How can it be?

So many milestones in my life that you haven't shared,

Moments of joy and times I was scared,

I often wonder what my life would be like if you were still here,

Shalom, how much I treasure you - in your lifetime were you aware?

How can it be?

Near my shabbos candles stands your picture in a frame,

Your face so calm, your demeanor so tame,

I think about you so much, I never dreamed,

That your loss would affect me so strongly.

How can it be?

As Jews we live with אמונה that's constantly put to the test,

That Hashem has a plan for our נשמה and He knows what's best,

He puts us through challenges that refine our soul,

So through our time on this earth, we become better, more whole.

That's how it can be.

We accept that this too, was for our good,

Even when we feel weak and question how this could

Be for our benefit, we still know deep inside,

That Hashem put us on this journey and He is our guide.

That's how it should be. 

To make a donation in memory of my brother, you can go to my personal fundraising page here and help us continue to run programs that bring non-affiliated college students closer to Torah and Mitzvos!

To read more about Shalom and his story, click on the following links: 

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Why I Cry

I wrote this poem seven years ago. I still remember sitting on a bench on Ocean Parkway in Brooklyn, taking out my notebook and writing.
The message is still relevant now as it was when I wrote it. 
Read and be inspired!

Why I Cry
I look up at
The deep blue sky
And slowly
Teardrops
Form in my eyes
And I 
Begin to cry

Why?
Why do I cry?

I cry because
When I am in pain
When I am hurting
I know how to cry
It's almost...easy
The tears just come

When I am overwhelmed
By...my life
By...my struggles
By...my challenges
By...my difficulties
I know how to cry
Those tears
Spring forth from my eyes

So why?
Is it so hard to cry?
When the month of Av
Comes around
And I should be thinking
Feeling
Hashem's pain
Hashem's loss
Our pain
Our loss
A house that once was
A nation that once was
The glory that once was
A relationship that once was

Why?
Why can't I cry?
Why don't I feel the pain
Why is it
So hard to feel
To make it real
To me?

When I'm having it hard
When someone hurts me
Those tears flow
So freely

When I'm simply taken over
Overwhelmed
By so many little things
And sometimes
Sometimes bigger things
I can cry
Easily

But...Hashem's pain?!
The thought of the kosel
The thought of the shechina in galus
The thought of all that we are missing?
Why doesn't that make me cry?
As simply
As effortlessly
As easily
As my own pain?
As my own life?

Hashem...?
I lift my eyes
Up to Your skies
I think about
Things
Close to me
That hurt me
That touch me
That inspire me
To cry

And I realize...
They are all connected.

It may be easier
For me
To shed tears
Over personal losses
Over personal hurts
Over personal frustrations
Over...my personal life

And I see
I understand
That it all comes from
The same place

A place of emotion
A place of longing
Of yearning
And of hoping

So...although I may not
Be able to cry
Shed real tears
Over bigger losses
Bigger pain
Deeper losses
Deeper pain
I know...
That inside
My heart is crying

And Hashem
Who is bochain libos u'chelayos
Who knows
Who sees
And Who understands
The inner workings
The inner chambers
Of my heart

He knows
He sees
And He understands

The inner sigh
The inner cry

Even
Without
Real tears.

I lift up my eyes
Look up at the shimmering blue sky
Searching
Yearning
Hoping
And...yes.
Crying
Without real tears
But I cry inside 
And Hashem
Understands
Why
I cry.

May we reach the day of u'macha Hashem dim'ah mei'al kol panim. Amen.

Video-Dear God

Sometimes, we have so much in our hearts that we want to express to Hashem. But we don't know how to say it. We don't have the right words.

Hashem, who created us all and knows the deepest parts of us, understands it all.

This video illustrates this idea really beautifully.

After Aleinu

I recently heard this story and was so inspired by the message. It was too good and I wanted to share it.

The men were standing around waiting while the shul slowly filled up with people who were gathering to daven mincha.

As they were almost ready to begin, a young teenager ran into shul and started davening very quickly. He didn't look like he was having much concentration in his tefillos. Some of the congregants gave him a look, others snorted and some elderly men were vocal in their disdain for what they called "today's generation."

One man went so far as to approach this young boy and chastise him. "Aren't you ashamed of yourself?" The man asked. "Is this the way you walk in to shul and daven? You are an embarrassment to the whole kehillah who gathered to daven here!"

The rest of the shul was silent as they continued on with their prayers.

At the end of davening, after aleinu, all the congregants were shocked when they heard this young boy meekly raise his voice to recite kaddish yasom, a special kaddish only recited by an orphan during the first eleven months after the death of their parent.

So he's a yasom! This poor boy is an orphan!

The man who had approached him earlier with his rude comments was so embarrassed, he could barely raise his head to look at the boy. But he gathered his strength and went over to the boy to ask him for mechila.

"I just didn't know! I didn't know about your painful circumstance! I'm so very sorry..."

So many times we look at people and judge them. For their behavior, for their misbehavior or for the way they keep or don't keep certain parts of the Torah. We think they should act differently. Sometimes we keep these thoughts to ourselves and other times we actually yell at the person, all with good intentions. We want them to know that what they are doing is wrong. We want them to know we don't approve of their actions.

But so many times, we just don't know the full story.

So many times, we don't know the reason behind their behavior.

So many times, there is a very painful reason for why they are acting the way they are.

And so many times, we have to wait until "after aleinu" to be able to get a glimpse into the reason why.

It's only "after aleinu," when kaddish yasom is said that we are able to understand why. That we realize that there's pain behind the behavior.

May we be able to accept those who act differently, be understanding of their challenges and be able to give them strength and encouragement to get through the tough times so they can blossom, grow and shine.

A Headache

A headache

Pounding
Deep
Heavy
Penetrating
Made me
Incapacitated
Sent me
To bed
My poor head!
Closed my eyes
Looked inside
To what's inside
That head of mine
Thoughts
Not always good
Maybe I should
Be less
Judgemental?
Be more
Positive?
Look at things
At people
With a favorable
Eye
With a giving eye
Instead of begrudging
Instead of
Judging
My eyesight
Has been
So superficial
So skin-deep
Am I not one to know
That there's so much more
Beyond
The external?
Can I allow judgement to pass?
Can I clear
My head
And heart
And start
To look
With positivity?

Can I look
At God
Without judging
Every move
Every story
Every headline
With questions
With accusations
More limitations
In my belief
Can I just believe
That He knows
What He is doing
And that my small brain
Cannot comprehend
His big plan?

No.
I cannot.
I cannot accept
All the stories
All the headlines
All the pain.
Because that would mean
It wouldn't hurt
I would stop
Praying
Asking
For it to stop
Because I'd accept
His plan
And as long as
I'm alive
I cannot
Accept
The pain
The hardships
The difficulties
The challenges
Of life.
I will keep asking
I will keep questioning
I will keep judging you,
God.
Because as long as
I see pain
As long as
I see suffering
I can not
Accept it.

So my head can hurt
It can throb
Pound
Ache
Shake
And still
I will not stop
Pounding down the doors
Pounding at your throne
Asking you
To change
To stop
The pain
To end
The suffering
And bring the day
When you will do away
With the aches
And pains
Of heads
And hearts
And families
Will be
Whole
Once more.

To Accept

I found my comfort. After feeling like I've been going through inner torture since this story, Hashem sent just me the chizuk I needed. It didn't come from something I read online, or from a video or lecture I listened to... (and I I have been searching for something, anything that would heal my aching soul...)

Yesterday, I opened a pirkei avos to prepare a lesson for my students on sefira. I wanted to highlight some of the "mem ches devarim," 48 ways to acquire Torah. I figured I'll choose the ones most relevant and appropriate for them. As I was readijng through the list (it's in perek shishi), one of them jumped out at me and hit me in the heart. 

One way to acquire Torah is through "kabalas hayesurin," accepting painful things Hashem puts us through. I tried to keep reading, to keep going through the list, but my brain and my heart kept going back to that one.

It hit me.

If we are to live a life of Torah, we will experience painful things. We will not understand many of them. But we need to accept them. We need to accept that this is the will of Hashem.

It doesn't take the pain away. But this thought did soothe an aching heart. My soul was able to find some peace and I was able to rid my head of the crazy thoughts that have been traveling through my brain faster than I could control them these past few days.

When my kids were super cute and delicious, I would worry that it's the good ones that are taken. Every mother who loses a young child talks about how their kid's smile would light up the room. Or how their kid had an exceptional love of life. Or what a fun personality their kid had. Or how caring they were. So when my kids displayed their natural caring heart, my insides would scream...STOP! Don't be so good. So cute. So caring. So yummy. So full of positive energy and love of life. I don't want Hashem to take you Chas veshalom!

I couldn't deal with regular, positive, healthy interactions without thinking that this may be the last time...the last time I tuck my kids into bed, the last time I say "I love you..."

I thought...if this is what happens to someone who went through one loss, who is next? There seemed to be no guarantee that my family would be safe. That those close to me would be blessed to stay alive. 

I was scared. Scared of what the future would bring. Scared for my kids. Scared for everyone close to me that I love and care about. 

But then it hit me. 

Hashem decided to take this special engaged couple because...we don't know why. And we don't have to know why. But we have to accept it. We have to accept this pain so it doesn't rip us apart and hold us back from functioning. 

And this is how we will be able to be mekabel the Torah on shavuos. By realizing that we can't understand some of the difficult challenges Hashem sends to us. We can only accept it as reality and move forward with our spiritual growth. 

We can't let challenges paralyze us and stop us from living life. We have to look at the challenges as an opportunity for us to fix ourselves, to take one small thing upon ourselves so we can become more spiritual. We can become more loving and more expressive of that love towards those closest to us. We should inject joy and happiness into our lives and the lives of those around us. 

This is the way I found comfort and inner peace.

I hope you can, too.

Dear Father of Mine

The following poem was written by a friend, B.K., and I'm posting it with her permission.

Dear father of mine
To you I cry and sigh
Tear after tear
Hoping you do hear
I scream and yell to you
Maybe something it will do
I stand here with great pain
Pain so intense, could go insane

Dear father of mine
I cry and sigh
It’s hard to understand
You left us Behind in the sand
It’s hard to go on
Feel like a part of me is gone
How many more will you take
How can this be for the good of their sake

Dear father of mine
I cry and sigh
Engaged to be wed
And now their dead
So fresh so young 
And for them a grave was dug
I can ask why a million times
And come up with neither answer nor find

Dear father of mine
I cry and sigh
Is this truly life
Full of crime and strife
Days filled with anger and sadness
People shooting with madness
Death signs all over 
People with faces so sober 

Dear father of mine
I cry and sigh
For all those who have died
For parents walking around red eyed
For teens so lost
Sick kids full of exhaust
So many battles fought each day
Yet so pure they never complain 

Dear father of mine
The sun does still shine
I know one day I will look back
See things in white not black
One day I’ll understand why
You made us cry
Why we went through so much hurt
Trying to find you amongst the dirt

Dear father of mine
All these suffering are the sign
The time for redemption has arrived
The Jewish nation please do revive
Glorify your name 
Your place in this world acclaim
Being moshiach now
The goyim to you will all bow

Dear father of mine....

I will continue to cry and sigh..

One Soul

Too much pain
Hurts my brain
Can wrap my head around it
Hurts my heart
I can't start
To imagine it
For those closest to it
A young couple
Engaged to be wed
And instead
Boom
They're dead
How??
How does Hashem allow
Such pain
To remain
To exist 
In this world
Our imperfect world
Our confusing world
Our painful world
In His world
In His book
This all looks
Perfect
How??
How can we understand 
We can't
Make sense
Of something
That doesn't make
Any sense.
A young bride
Smile so wide
Stands beside
Her new partner
Her partner in life
And now in death
They met their end
Right at the beginning 
Of their new life
No chance to be
Husband and wife
No chance to prove
All the wonderful things
They started to know
About each other.
Shidduchim
So complex
So deep
So full
Research
Say yes
Go out
Another yes
And now?
A slap
A no
No
You will not go
The way of most
Brides and grooms
You're escorted to
A different room
To a place where
Neshamos go
Because Hashem knows
That your neshamos glow
Brighter than
The smiles you wore
While you were so sure
Of your wonderful life
Ahead of you
Hashem took you
Away
From your families
Together
Your neshamos were bound
In this world
Two halves
Of one whole
Ready to become
One soul
Now you're one
One with Hashem 
One with each other
One with
Your other brother
The one who
Just two
Years ago
Also
Left this world.
Do all these neshamos 
Hang out together?
Do all of them
Watch us
Cry and remember?
Do all of them have 
The clarity we seek
Oh how I wish
I could have a little peek
A touch of understanding
A hint of clarity
A piece of that light
To illuminate this night
(And a chunk of time
With someone up there
That could stretch til eternity
So we could just share...)
But I am stuck here
Alone and confused
With nothing to gain
And so much to lose
If I just wallow and cry
And continue to ask why
I need to do more than just sigh 
I need to use that why
To propel me to go
To move
And to grow
To higher places
To better places
I wish I could know
Where I am meant to go
In which direction to grow
Where to direct all this pain
So something will be gained
To know what to change
Yet I am left in the dark
I can only do my small part
In trying to fix
Myself
To take this pain
So it won't be in vain
But 
We are stuck
In galus
Without clarity
Or prophets
To help us
To tell us
To explain to us
The true meaning 
Behind each happening
So I will pray
For the day
When we will have
All that
And more
Clarity
Closeness
Connection 
With the One Above
And the ones we love
Hashem...?
Can you strengthen me?
Can you strengthen all of us?
Until that day?

Always A Plan

We all want to understand. We want answers. Yet, things are not always so clear.

Some days, things go the way we want them to. Little annoyances crop up, but we deal with them.

Other times, things don't go the way we'd like. We turn to Hashem and ask, "Why?" Sometimes it is easy to remember Hashem when He is making things difficult for us. Challenges remind us that He is in charge.

Yet, we don't understand.

What to do? 

How do we get through challenges, both big and small?

One thing that helps me through tough times is reminding myself that Hashem has a plan. There is a reason why I have to have this specific inconvenience. There's a reason why I have to deal with this frustration at this time. There is a reason for the big stuff too. Hashem knows why. I don't. 

There's something comforting in that thought. It helps to know that the One Who created me decided that at this moment, I should be in this place, going through this experience. There's a reason. This is exactly where I am meant to be.

Even if I don't understand. Even if it doesn't make sense. Even if I wish things were different. Hashem knows why. 

And...He put me here for my own good. There is some way that I can benefit from this specific situation. Maybe I can work on a certain character flaw, maybe I need to learn something deeper, maybe I need to be knocked down so I can climb up. Maybe I need to need so I can learn to give when my cup is full. Maybe I need to feel this feeling so I can become more caring towards others. Maybe this is an atonement for things I did that I don't remember but G-d above doesn't forget.

I don't know Hashem's reasons. But I know He has a reason for each and every thing He puts me through. 

The same God who watches over every insect and animal is watching over me. The same One who makes the rain fall and the trees grow, the same One who keeps my heart pumping and my body functioning, the One who gives me koach when I need it most, He is the God who plans my life. And if I believe that there is a purpose to the existence of every creature He put into this world, I believe that I have a purpose too. 

I may not discover it just yet. But I know that every step of my life is leading me towards that purpose. 

May we all be able to live our lives with meaning and strengthen our trust in Hashem so we can achieve true, inner happiness.

Accident

I was in an accident almost two weeks ago.

I was coming off the Verrazano Bridge, driving along with the speed of traffic when the car in front of me short stopped. I couldn't stop fast enough. I knew that if I continued going straight, I'd hit the car in front of me. In order to avoid a collision, I veered a bit to the right. That's when I heard a loud noise. The truck in the right lane scraped the passenger side of my car. My mirror flew off and disappeared onto the highway, my front bumper fell off and my tire got sliced.

Baruch Hashem, nothing happened to me or to the truck driver. His truck was fine too. All I had was a small headache and a team of people to help.

First it was a police car. Someone driving by saw an accident and called 911. 

Then the tow truck came. My car was towed to a safe spot a few miles away (while I got a ride inside the police car ;). I saw the buttons that make each type of siren sound and I eyed the policeman's gun with calm trepidation.)

Next the men from the towing company (who do this as a free service for all accidents on the bridge) offered to change my tire for me. They found the spare, changed the tire, and also outfitted the front of my car with duct-tape. I now had a real yeshivish-looking car :-). It was all ready to go...straight to the mechanic for some major fixing.

I had a lot of time that day to think and reflect. 

The driver who made that short stop in front of me went on driving, having no idea what happened right behind him. 

And I thought...how many times did someone short stop behind me while I went on driving? 

I have no idea.

How many times does Hashem protect me from danger?

We daven for so many things. We sometimes wonder, Hashem, why aren't you answering my tefillos? But we don't know how many things could have happened that didn't. Because we didn't see it. 

In shemona esrei, we say, "melech ozer u'moshia u'magein"-Hashem is the King who helps, saves and protects. Magein-protect means that Hashem prevents bad things from happening. He literally protects us. And I got to see it with my own eyes. The driver in front of me was protected, and Hashem was watching over me when I drove in the left lane along the bridge the whole time. This way, the impact of the accident was on the passenger side and not on the driver's side. Had that happened chas v'shalom, I don't want to think about where I would be right now. I probably would not be sitting at home typing up this inspirational post.

Hashem was protecting me.

It made me think of the concept we all learn about in school when Hashem passed by Moshe rabbeinu while wrapped in a tallis and Moshe rabbeinu asked Hashem, "Show me your ways." He wanted to understand the ways of Hashem, why bad things happen in this world. Hashem responded, "vera'isa es achorai"-you will see My Back, but you will not see My Face. The way we always learned it was that a person can only understand why they had to go through difficulties after the experience is over. While they are in it, it is not possible to understand why. Sometimes it takes years to be able to understand. (And sometimes a person can never understand.)

Maybe it means, when you're in the back, when you're behind someone, you can see what they were saved from. But they can't see it because they are in the front. They don't have eyes behind their back!

The person driving his car in front of me had no idea what he was saved from when I short stopped on the Verrazano. 

We have no idea what Hashem is saving us from. 

We may get frustrated sometimes when we don't see our tefillos being answered. But let's remember that every single day, Hashem is protecting us from harm, watching over us with love and taking care of our needs.

May we all be safe and be able to appreciate all Hashem does for us without any terrifying stories.

Seek Him-A Poem

Why?
Why is it
So clear
So obvious
So noticeable
Why?
Why is it
So much easier
To see Hashem
To notice Hashem
When things are good?
When things go right?
When we hear good news
And we say, 
"Mazel tov!"
A birth
An engagement
A simcha
A bar mitzvah
A wedding
We know it's from Hashem
And we thank Him for it
What a miracle
The birth of a child
The meeting of two halves
The achievement of a milestone
It's all to His credit!
It's from Hashem
And we are thankful.
So why is it
That when things go wrong
When things are hard
When we hear bad news
It's not so obvious?
We don't see Hashem
As clearly?
He's not as noticeable
And we wonder
And we question
And we ask
Why?
We wonder...
What if?
We think...
Why me?
Why her?
Why them?
Why now?
Why is there so much pain?
We don't see Hashem
We can't find Hashem
And we wonder...
Where is Hashem?
In all this pain
In all the loneliness
In all the sadness
We hear bad news
We hear sad news
A miscarriage
A broken engagement
A levaya
A loss
A divorce
A challenge
Any challenge
It's so much harder
To see Hashem
To find Hashem
Why?
Where is He hiding?
"Imo anochi b'tzarah"
Hashem says,
I am with you
In your pain
You are not alone.
I'm here
Right here
At your side
Don't hide
From me
At this moment
Search for me
Look for me
Try to find me
Seek me out
And you'll see
I'm right here
I'm always here
I'll never leave your side
For you're my child
And I love you.
It may be hard
It might not be obvious
It might not be noticeable
Because we feel lost
And alone
But when we look out for
Hashem
Even when things are hard
Especially when things are hard
Specifically when we are confused
We will find Him.
If we seek Him
We will see Him
We need to look
Outside
Instead of focusing only
On the pain
Inside
Look beyond the pain
Realize...
There is something to gain
From this exact moment
From this exact situation
Hashem is there
With you
In your pain
He is right here.
Turn to Him
Ask Him
To help
Things change
For the better
To help 
You change
For the better
From this exact moment
From this exact situation
Ask Him
Beg Him
And trust in Him.

Airplane Musings

I'm in the car on the way home from the airport. It's been an incredible trip to Eretz Yisroel for my older sister Chaya Sara's wedding. As we ride home, we look out the window for airplanes. The kids love spotting them in the sky and we take turns guessing if the plane is landing or just took off.

"The plane is so tiny," my son says.

"Could you believe we were just up on the sky in one of those tiny looking airplanes?"

And we talk about it. How all airplanes are really so much bigger than they look...because they are so far away. When we are inside, we can see their true size, but when we are down on the ground they appear to be so little and tiny.

This gets me thinking.

I think about people.

I think about every person.

Every person on this world has so much in them. So much depth, so much history, so much to offer and so much to share. From far, before you get to know them, they might seem so little. There might not appear to be more to them than their external.

She? She's so yeshivish.

Too frum for my liking.

Oh, her? That girl? That woman? That teenager?

She looks like she could use a little lecture in [shmiras halashon, anger management, tznius, hilchos shabbos...]

There's so much we don't know about the people we meet.

We may think we see, we may think we have an idea, but really, that first encounter is just a scratch on the surface. We are seeing people at a distance.

She may look like she has it all, but do you know how much she is struggling inside?

When you get to know the person, the real person inside, you can get to see how big they truly are. Their past, their upbringing, their challenges, their successes. All this, and more, is what makes them so much bigger than they appear to be.

She may look so yeshivish, but do you know what it took for her to get there? Do you have any idea what kind of home she grew up in, how she struggled to stay strong even when she could have gone under? Do you know that she could relate to challenges you are struggling with because of her history and the life and home she chose to build for herself? She's so much more than just her outside dress. Get to know her. Look past the clothing and shy smile. See what a deep, incredible person you are encountering.

All of us have depth. Each of us are more than just a tiny speck in this vast world of humanity. We may look small in a crowd of people, but each of us is really big. We are big because of the challenges we overcame, the middos we have worked on and the people we are striving to become. We each have so much to offer, so much to give and so much power to affect those around us in a positive way.

*    *    *

I think about the Torah.

From a distance, the Torah seems so small. How much is in those five little books? How much can it encompass?

But as one gets closer, they start to realize how much is in those five little books. So so much. The Torah is so vast, it is so deep, everything is in it.

"Hafoch ba v'Hafoch ba"

Keep looking.

Keep searching.

Keep questioning.

Keep challenging.

Everything is in it.

Halachos about how to treat each other, how to deal with other people's money, how to respect our parents, how to work on ourselves...It's all there.

There are practical lessons for life found in every pasha. I find them...Every week.

Advice, chizuk, knowledge, depth, the Torah is so full. Once one starts to get closer to the Torah, they begin to realize how little they know and how much there is to gain. The more one reads and studies, the more they will see how much there is to still attain.

From afar, the Torah may seem quite small. But the closer a person gets to this never-ending wellspring of knowledge and depth, the more they will see how vast the Torah truly is.

May you be able to see, to know, to explore and understand this special gift called the Torah and may it enrich your life in so many ways!

Baby Talk

I wrote this last year and wanted to share the message with you again.

"Aah-pi-dee coo-key"

I'm walking back from the bus stop with my baby and my neighbor. 

"He wants me to open his bag of cookies...isn't that cute?"

"I would have no clue what he was talking about!" she says.

And I'm reminded about something I heard a while back about tefillah and the way we daven. 

When a little baby or toddler who is just learning how to talk starts to communicate in his own language, only his own parents can truly understand the things he is saying. He is not using real words yet, just a combination of sounds...but every sound has real meaning...to him. And his mother and father know exactly what he means to say with each sound that comes out of his mouth. 

But a stranger wouldn't understand at all. 

When we daven, there are times when we mumble the words, don't pronounce them correctly...and just rush through our tefillos. We can't always say the words the way they were meant to be said, with the proper pronunciation and concentration. 

After all, we are human beings.

But Hashem is our Father. And He understands the thoughts and feelings behind the words we say. He understand what we really mean to say, even if sometimes we're talking in baby talk.

He knows we really want to praise Him. He knows that we really mean to ask him for health, parnassah, refuos and yeshuos. He knows that when we go through shemona esrei and we don't really think about the meaning of every single word, we really do want to. We want to do it right. 

But sometimes we stumble. 

Sometimes we mumble.

Sometimes we don't think into the meaning of the things we are saying and asking for.

And He understands our baby talk.

But...does that mean we should stay that way? Just because He understands, should we talk like little kids? 

Of course not. 

Let's try. 

Let's grow up.

Let's work on our concentration.

On our pronunciation.

On saying our brachos and tefillos the way they were meant to be said.

Because even though Hashem understands that we mean a lot more than "baruchata...borei minaymezonos..." or "selachlanu...mechalanu", we might as well put in the effort and talk big...like adults...like a professional businessman. Like someone who knows his stuff. 

Hashem is always listening. He understands our innermost thoughts and feelings...even when we can't express them in words.

But when it's time to daven, when it's time to say our brachos, when it's time to bench, to ask Hashem for things we need and thank Him for the things He gives us, let's try to do it right.

Enough with the baby talk. It's cute...but at some point we need to grow up.

I open the bag of cookies for my baby and he spills most of it on the floor. But I understand. He's just a baby. He asks for things and he can't even enjoy all of it. But I'm his mother...and so I give.

Hashem knows us so much better. He knows what is good for us, what we need...and what we want...and when the time is right for us to get it. He is our Father...and He gives us...so much good.

May you be able to express yourself properly with the words of your tefillos and brachos...and mature in your tefillos from baby talk to big-girl talk!