Thirteen Years

It's been thirteen years since I wrote this post. Thirteen years since the day my older brother Mordechai and his wife became parents to their (second) son on the day of my brother Shalom's yartzeit.

We held our breath for eight days until we heard the name they chose for this baby. They named him Shalom Baruch after the uncle he would never know. What a comforting feeling to know that someone would carry on the name of our brother was niftar at 15, before he was old enough to get married and have children of his own.

He wasnt the first to be named after Shalom a"h. My own son was born a little more than two months before and was given the same name. But he was the first and only boy to be born on the day his namesake was niftar.

Thirteen years.

I think about how much has happened in this little boy's life. Little milestones. Smiling, rolling over, crawling, baby teeth, waking, talking...

Other, more significant milestones. His upsherin. His first siddur. His first chumash. His first gemara.

And now...his bar mitzvah.

There's so much that happens in the first thirteen years of a child's life.

The second thirteen years are also pretty life changing.

Reaching the milestone of teenage hood and label of teenager. (I hope those years will be smooth for him!)

Growing up, maturing, learning and expanding-on the inside and outside. In ways that are visible and ways no one can see or know.

There's the possibility of marriage and the hope of starting a family too.

There's so much growth and change that happens in the next thirteen years of a child's life. It's the years they slowly transform from child to adult.

But what happens after that? What happens in the thirteen years that follow?

How much change actually happens then?

Am I stuck in my ways?

Am I changing and growing, learning and developing, stretching my muscles to do things that are hard for me?

Am I open to change the patterns I know need to change?

Are you?

As long as we are alive, we can. We have the time at this very moment to switch gears. To do something different. To make a move.

If we want to change patterns, if we want to look back in thirteen years from now and be proud of the person looking back at us in the mirror, we need to take a step, any small step, in the direction of change.

Find a book on the topic that you struggle most with.
Look for a lecture.
Commit to finding a therapist that can help you.
Ask a friend, "What is most annoying about me?"
Ask a family member, "If I could change one thing, what would you want it to be?"

Be brave.
Be bold.
Be courageous.
Be daring.
Be the change you want to see in your life by taking a step to change.
Do it now.

May it be a zechus for Shalom ben Chaim Nosson whose 17th yartzeit is today. 

To read the story behind Shalom's tragic and sudden death, click here. 

After Yom Kippur

Yom Kippur is the one time a year when we really face our shortcomings head on and own them. Instead of walking through life carrying pieces of guilt from our mistakes and having them weigh us down, draining our energy and straining our relationships, we bring them to the surface, put them on the table, recognize them for what they are and say “I did this but that’s not who I am. This is not who I want to be.”

We make a separation between ourselves and the deeds we regret in the healthiest possible way. If we’ve hurt another person, we ask for forgiveness and try to make amends. We resolve not to do the same thing again. The same goes if we've hurt ourselves or our relationship with Hashem. And Hashem loves us and knows exactly where we’re coming from. He is waiting for us to reconnect with Him and accepts our heartfelt efforts with open arms.

Hopefully, we were all able to utilize Yom Kippur and heal ourselves and our relationships on the deepest level. As we ended the day with newfound humility and holiness, purified and cleansed, we can now start the new year afresh.

Now, it's up to us to go on to accomplish all the incredible things we are capable of. All we have to remember is, whatever we did in the past does not the define the person we are or the person we want to become. We want to be greater and we must strive to be better. 

May we be able to take the inspiration of Yom Kippur into the upcoming week and take small steps towards becoming the very best versions of ourselves!

A Lesson in Parenting

There's always a first time, right?

But to me, this little encounter was surprising and upsetting at first; it was enlightening and empowering at the end.

I was in a toy store with my baby and I was bouncing him up the steps in the stroller. In the past, any time I was in a public place with a staircase and my baby, someone offered to help me.

When I went to shul for a kiddush and was bouncing the stroller down the steps to the simcha hall, someone offered to help me.

When I was walking up the steps to a friend's house and someone saw me with the stroller, he offered a helping hand.

And this time, this woman watched me bounce up the steps one by one and waited patiently as I slowly made my way up the steps. She followed along with me, but didn't gesture or offer a helping hand.

It was surprising, but I continued on my way as she conversed with her little girl about the toys in the shop. 

A few moments later, I watched as her daughter bumped into a box from a neatly stacked pile of toys and continued on, without turning back to pick up the box she knocked over. My own little girl rushed to straighten out the boxes.

Okay, it happens, I thought to myself.

But when that happened a second time, I wasn't so sure. When the same girl casually continued looking at the toys on display after knocking something down a second time, I knew this wasn't a coincidence.

And I thought about it.

I realized how much power and influence we parents have over our children.

Children learn more from what we do than from what we say.

When we model good behavior, they will follow in our ways.

And when we model carelessness and disregard for another's feelings, our children will do the same.

It's not her daughter's fault that no one ever taught her to look out for other people. She was just following what she saw from her own mother.

Now, I'm not judging this woman and there can be numerous reasons for why she didn't offer to help.

Maybe she has back problems and can't lift anything heavy.

Maybe she has other health issues that would prevent her from offering the specific type of help I could have used.

But after seeing this young girl exhibit the exact same carelessness as her mother, I took this very powerful and empowering message for myself as a parent.

We can tell our children all the right things.

We can lecture them about how to act in private and how to behave in public.

But the most profound way to teach them is by modeling the behavior we want them to emulate.

We can tell them not to yell at their siblings when they're upset, but if we yell at them when we are angry, what will they learn to do? We need to work on ourselves to maintain our own inner calm, even when we're stressed, annoyed or angry. 

We can speak about the importance of honesty, forgiveness, responsibility and all the other good virtues, but the best way for them to really internalize their importance is by modeling honesty, by being forgiving and taking responsibly for our actions.

They will learn to trust in Hashem and to believe that everything that happens is for the good if they see us responding to difficult situations with words of emunah and faith. With actions that show we believe Hashem runs the world and we have faith in Him. 

It's in our hands to help the next generation acquire the skills they need to navigate the complex world we live in. We can help them succeed by working on our own selves.

May we be able to do the hard work so we can be in the best place possible on an emotional level, on a spiritual level and on every level in between. And may our children follow in our positive ways.

Tisha B'Av

During the nine days, the rules we keep are similar to the halachos of someone who mourns the loss of a close relative. We don't listen to music and we don't wear fresh clothing. 

But on Tisha B'av, the mourning intensifies to another level. We don't eat or drink, we don't wear leather shoes and we don't greet people with a warm hello. When someone loses a loved one, they don't have an appetite and they don't feel like greeting everyone they meet. They miss their relative and nothing else matters!

This is why we fast.

On Tisha B'av, we mourn the loss of the closest relationship we once had with Hashem. How can we eat when we are so far away from the ideal lifestyle? We use the sadness of the day to propel us to make better choices so we can experience that same closeness once again.

May the confusion and distance we live with be replaced with clarity and closeness as we do everything in our power to bring the Geula!

Parshas Devarim

Moshe Rabbeinu speaks to the Jewish Nation before he dies. He spends five weeks telling them all the things they will need to hear before their new leader, Yehoshuah, will take over.

While we don't like to think about death, all of us will one day leave this world. While we are still alive, we can think about what kind of messages we are leaving for those around us by the things we spend time doing, the way we act and the words we say. The interactions we have with others really do leave a memorable, lasting impact on our friends and family. 

May we be able to utilize our time while we are still alive to impact those around us in positive ways and act as a role model for spiritual growth to all those we come in contact with!

Parshas Chukas

After Miriam was niftar, the Be'er Miriam dried up and the Jews complained that they were thirsty. Hashem told Moshe to speak to the rock but instead he hit it and water came forth.

When we want something from someone, we can speak gently and with kindness or speak harshly and use force. Using force might get us what we want, but not in the way we want. The person may give in, but their feelings towards us will change. The better way is to speak softly and with sensitivity. The person will be more receptive to what we are saying and this interaction will bring the person closer to us instead of create distance between us. 

May we be able to use a more gentle approach when speaking to those we care about so we can bring them closer to us with every interaction we have!

Parshas Korach

When Korach organized a rebellion against Moshe Rabbeinu, accusing him of assigning power unfairly, Moshe suggested that they wait until the next morning for a sign from Hashem to determine who was right. After each group would bring a ketores, a fire would come down from heaven and burn the offering of the either his group or Moshe's group. He wanted to wait so Korach would have time to think and hopefully, he would change his mind.

We see how important it is to wait a little bit when someone is angry. A good resolution can't always be reached immediately because when people are heated, their emotions take over. Once some time passes, even just one night, it may be possible for both sides to hear each other more openly and logically and work towards a peaceful compromise. 

May we be able to give people who are really angry time to calm down so we can keep all of our interactions peaceful! 

Parshas Beha'aloscha

Parshas Beha'aloscha ends with Miriam getting tzora'as. While the entire nation waited for Miriam, her brother Moshe davened. What was his tefillah? 6 words. Ana Kel Na, Refah Na La-Please Hashem, heal her. He davened a short tefillah because so many people were waiting. 

We learn from this that tefillah, chessed and spiritual growth are important but should not be done at the expense of other people. Yes, it's nice to take on extra levels in our yiddishkeit, but we need to be considerate of those around us and make sure our growth isn't causing others discomfort. And while chessed is a big mitzvah, we need to make sure our own families aren't losing out because of it.

May we be able to find the right balance when we are growing and doing good, so we are happy and those closest to us are happy as well!

Parshas Naso

The Isha Sota was taken to be proven as guilty or innocent only after she was warned not to associate with a man she had previously been seen alone with.

We see that accusing someone of doing something wrong is a huge responsibility. We must have clear evidence before approaching someone. Additionally, it is so important to give a warning. This gives the person a chance to fix themselves instead of falling at the first sign of misconduct. If given in the right way, the warning can show we believe that the person can do it right next time!

May we be able to show others we believe they can do better instead of jumping at them with accusations the first time they act wrongly!

Pesach Sheini

Today is Pesach Sheini.
We remember this day that was given to those who weren't able to bring the korban Pesach in Nissan. They asked for another chance and their request was granted.

Sometimes, we are too quick to say something won't happen or we won't be allowed to do something. And so, we don't  bother asking. 

We see that it is so important to ASK. Make that request. Ask for a raise. Find out if that person is willing to help out. Don't stay stuck in a situation just because you're afraid to speak up. The key to change might just be to ask for help.

May we be able to find the courage to speak up when necessary, and see positive results when we do!

Enjoy your matzah!

Parshas Metzorah

If someome got tzora'as on the walls of their home and they ignored it, it spread to their clothing and then to their skin. It didn't go away until they dealt with it by approaching the Kohen and taking the steps to get rid of it.

When we try to sweep issues under the rug, they don't go away. They continue to spread further until we are forced to face them and deal with them. It takes strength to acknowledge when something is wrong and courage to do what it takes to fix our problems. But then we get to a place of healing and we can put our past behind us, growing and changing into better people.

May we be able to look at our lives with honesty, and have all the strength we need to make positive changes so we can heal, improve and look forward to a better future!

Parshas Tazria

When someone had tzora'as, he showed it to a Kohen who would declare that he was either pure or impure. Why did he have to ask the Kohen? Why couldn't he look and decide for himself? It's because a person can easily see all kinds of blemishes except for their own. For this reason, they had to have an outside person, a Kohen, look at them and establish their status.

It's so easy to look around and see what other people need to fix, what character traits other people need to work on. Our avodah in this world is to look inwards and to work on ourselves, perfecting our middos and refining our character.

May we be able to focus on our inner selves and make positive changes instead of looking at what other people need to fix!

Shabbos-Never Forget

This poem was written by a friend, B.K. I'm posting it here with her permission. 

Shabbos
A time of peace
Quality time 
With family
Togetherness
Calmness
Was destroyed 
This week.

A time that was a celebration 
To bring forth
A new Jewish child
Ended in destruction. 

Bloody mass destruction.
Parents
Siblings
Children
Their lives
Were overturned
This shabbos.

This shabbos
Will go down
In Jewish history
We can’t forget
We must not forget
The people that were 
Taken from us.

What message
Are we supposed to take
What are we really
Supposed to be mourning
While crying in grief
For the families

If you heard about this,
God specifically wanted you
To hear.
There is a reason.
A change
An action
That you need to take.

Think about it.
Don’t think
About the questions
We cannot understand
Think about the reason
For why you were meant
To hear about this.

Change.
Do it now.
And don’t ever
Forget
About this shabbos.

Parshas Devarim

Moshe Rabbeinu began giving mussar to BY before he died. He spoke to them about the mistakes of their parents, even though they weren't the nation that actually committed those sins. 

We see that we have a responsibility to look back at the past and learn from the mistakes of those who came before us. If we know someone tried something in the past and it didn't work, we should come up with a new plan so we can succeed. We can't expect to try the same thing and see different results. In order for change to happen, we need to look at the past, learn from mistakes others made and be committed to trying new ideas.

May we be able to have an open mind and heart and succeed at making changes in ourselves and in situations around us!

To Accept

I found my comfort. After feeling like I've been going through inner torture since this story, Hashem sent just me the chizuk I needed. It didn't come from something I read online, or from a video or lecture I listened to... (and I I have been searching for something, anything that would heal my aching soul...)

Yesterday, I opened a pirkei avos to prepare a lesson for my students on sefira. I wanted to highlight some of the "mem ches devarim," 48 ways to acquire Torah. I figured I'll choose the ones most relevant and appropriate for them. As I was readijng through the list (it's in perek shishi), one of them jumped out at me and hit me in the heart. 

One way to acquire Torah is through "kabalas hayesurin," accepting painful things Hashem puts us through. I tried to keep reading, to keep going through the list, but my brain and my heart kept going back to that one.

It hit me.

If we are to live a life of Torah, we will experience painful things. We will not understand many of them. But we need to accept them. We need to accept that this is the will of Hashem.

It doesn't take the pain away. But this thought did soothe an aching heart. My soul was able to find some peace and I was able to rid my head of the crazy thoughts that have been traveling through my brain faster than I could control them these past few days.

When my kids were super cute and delicious, I would worry that it's the good ones that are taken. Every mother who loses a young child talks about how their kid's smile would light up the room. Or how their kid had an exceptional love of life. Or what a fun personality their kid had. Or how caring they were. So when my kids displayed their natural caring heart, my insides would scream...STOP! Don't be so good. So cute. So caring. So yummy. So full of positive energy and love of life. I don't want Hashem to take you Chas veshalom!

I couldn't deal with regular, positive, healthy interactions without thinking that this may be the last time...the last time I tuck my kids into bed, the last time I say "I love you..."

I thought...if this is what happens to someone who went through one loss, who is next? There seemed to be no guarantee that my family would be safe. That those close to me would be blessed to stay alive. 

I was scared. Scared of what the future would bring. Scared for my kids. Scared for everyone close to me that I love and care about. 

But then it hit me. 

Hashem decided to take this special engaged couple because...we don't know why. And we don't have to know why. But we have to accept it. We have to accept this pain so it doesn't rip us apart and hold us back from functioning. 

And this is how we will be able to be mekabel the Torah on shavuos. By realizing that we can't understand some of the difficult challenges Hashem sends to us. We can only accept it as reality and move forward with our spiritual growth. 

We can't let challenges paralyze us and stop us from living life. We have to look at the challenges as an opportunity for us to fix ourselves, to take one small thing upon ourselves so we can become more spiritual. We can become more loving and more expressive of that love towards those closest to us. We should inject joy and happiness into our lives and the lives of those around us. 

This is the way I found comfort and inner peace.

I hope you can, too.

Free

I wrote this last year and I want to share this message with you again.

Pesach is over
So much to wonder
About
Why the rush
To the pizza shops?
Why wait
On the lines
Just to get
Your own pie
The moment chometz
Is allowed again?
Can you pause
For a moment
Think 
For a moment
About this past week
(And a bit)
Of holy days
Special days
So much preparation
For these days
Where did it go?
What did you gain?
Aside from a few
Potato pounds? :)
Did you free yourself
From habits
That held you down?
Did you free yourself
From patterns
From actions
Reactions
That pulled you down?
What keeps you busy
When you're bored?
What do you do
When you have nothing to do
Or need an escape
From life
Real life?
Do you have good outlets?
Can you free yourself
From things
That pull you down?
Can you free yourself?
Release the bonds
Remove the chains
From around your soul
And feel yourself
Becoming more whole?
Even if you didn't yet
You still can
Even if you haven't yet
You can construct a plan
So the coming weeks
Leading up
To the day of
Acceptance
Of our holy Torah
You can become
A little holier
In small steps
By freeing yourself
Of the chains
That hold you back
That pull you down
That prevent you
From being
Truly free
May you be able
To have the strength
The determination
The perseverance
And the inner drive
To keep at it
To keep working
So you become
Truly free.

Happy changing over!

One Soul

Too much pain
Hurts my brain
Can wrap my head around it
Hurts my heart
I can't start
To imagine it
For those closest to it
A young couple
Engaged to be wed
And instead
Boom
They're dead
How??
How does Hashem allow
Such pain
To remain
To exist 
In this world
Our imperfect world
Our confusing world
Our painful world
In His world
In His book
This all looks
Perfect
How??
How can we understand 
We can't
Make sense
Of something
That doesn't make
Any sense.
A young bride
Smile so wide
Stands beside
Her new partner
Her partner in life
And now in death
They met their end
Right at the beginning 
Of their new life
No chance to be
Husband and wife
No chance to prove
All the wonderful things
They started to know
About each other.
Shidduchim
So complex
So deep
So full
Research
Say yes
Go out
Another yes
And now?
A slap
A no
No
You will not go
The way of most
Brides and grooms
You're escorted to
A different room
To a place where
Neshamos go
Because Hashem knows
That your neshamos glow
Brighter than
The smiles you wore
While you were so sure
Of your wonderful life
Ahead of you
Hashem took you
Away
From your families
Together
Your neshamos were bound
In this world
Two halves
Of one whole
Ready to become
One soul
Now you're one
One with Hashem 
One with each other
One with
Your other brother
The one who
Just two
Years ago
Also
Left this world.
Do all these neshamos 
Hang out together?
Do all of them
Watch us
Cry and remember?
Do all of them have 
The clarity we seek
Oh how I wish
I could have a little peek
A touch of understanding
A hint of clarity
A piece of that light
To illuminate this night
(And a chunk of time
With someone up there
That could stretch til eternity
So we could just share...)
But I am stuck here
Alone and confused
With nothing to gain
And so much to lose
If I just wallow and cry
And continue to ask why
I need to do more than just sigh 
I need to use that why
To propel me to go
To move
And to grow
To higher places
To better places
I wish I could know
Where I am meant to go
In which direction to grow
Where to direct all this pain
So something will be gained
To know what to change
Yet I am left in the dark
I can only do my small part
In trying to fix
Myself
To take this pain
So it won't be in vain
But 
We are stuck
In galus
Without clarity
Or prophets
To help us
To tell us
To explain to us
The true meaning 
Behind each happening
So I will pray
For the day
When we will have
All that
And more
Clarity
Closeness
Connection 
With the One Above
And the ones we love
Hashem...?
Can you strengthen me?
Can you strengthen all of us?
Until that day?

The Power You Have

The following was written by Sarala. Enjoy this great read!

I am very passionate about this idea - Smiling. I hope it gives Chizuk and most of all inspires you.

Thank you for reading.

Smiling
Getting dressed takes a considerate amount of effort and can be time consuming. We want to look our best and take some time to be sure that our shirt matches our flowy skirt which we just bought on sale; that our tights aren’t pimply and that we don’t make a run (because its brand new and we want our money’s worth) oh … whoops… ya, a run! We also want to be sure that our earrings match our outfit. Then goes the makeup. We look into the mirror making sure the base is rubbed in. Alas! We look into the mirror one last time, admire our beauty and gleam with pride! We smile inwards and applaud ourselves mentally.

With this being said, I want to tell you a little secret (just make sure to forward it!): There’s something else we all wear which isn’t a tangible article of clothing. Nevertheless, it’s another thing we wear (or hope to wear more) which can really change our day. That is … you guessed it! A smile!! All it takes to smile is to place both your right and left index fingers on both corners of your mouth and gently move them upwards. Well, that takes minimal effort (if you followed my directions) which is the long way. This is really works. It gives us a little boost when you’re not in the best of spirits and improves our mood.

What’s Behind a Smile?
So, you ask, why does smiling have so much “power?” What is it about smiling that deserves much elaboration? From a scientific point of view, smiling has the ability to create “good feelings” in us. On the surface level, smiling sends a message to our brain (via the muscles that contract) to produce those “good feelings.” These good feelings, generate positive emotions in us.

What a Simple Smile Can Do:
Imagine this:
You wake up at 7 am feeling tired and groggy. You make your way to the bathroom and stub your toe. After you recover, you throw on your clothes and schlep your tights up only to rip them. Its 7:30 and you feel your patience ebbing away. As if that drama wasn’t enough, you accidentally tilt your yogurt cup and add a decoration to your shirt (not the kind of decoration you’d buy). Not only are you tired, and groggy, but you’re moody and almost start yelling at your yogurt. You change and finally arrive at work. Your coworker greets you with a hearty “good morning.” You (the once tired and groggy person), greet her back with one of your nice warm smiles. Right then and there, you feel a certain calmness washing over you. Your feelings of fatigue literally vanished.

The “Magic” in a Smile:
What happened here? Was this some kind of magic potion? Yes, this was a kind of “magic.” Your co-worker’s (magic) smile generated positive feelings which replaced your fatigue and moodiness. Not only are you no longer tired; you’re happy, smiley and full of positive energy! Not only does a smile have the power to help us feel good. It also enhances our beauty. What’s sweeter than being greeted with a hearty, warm and inviting smile? It’s incredible!

This is the Power of a Smile!
We tend to underestimate the power of smiling and rationalize its importance/power by thinking, ‘what’s the big deal?’ What’s my smile really going to do? Can I really make a difference? All these rationalizations stem from the Yetzer Hara in an effort to make us feel inadequate and small. Nonetheless, the Torah gives us have first-hand evidence and explains its importance.

[1] Rabbi Yochanan Ben Zakkai was exceptionally nice in one area. He was the first to greet others and say “hello.” Why was this so special? The Gemara is teaching us the importance of acknowledging another person. When we make a point to notice someone and acknowledge their presence, it shows them that they’re important in our eyes. We are giving them the message that “you matter!”

[2] The Meforshim explain that the Neshama is called Kavod. Why? Because our Neshama gives others value and respect; it gives life. When we greet someone, we’re tapping into their Neshama, showing them they are worthy of respect and this makes them feel valuable, which is why their face lights up.

A Personal Example
As I was leaving work one afternoon, my boss gave me a compliment with an added bonus: A Warm Smile. It wasn’t one of my best days and I was quite tired. However, I felt so much better: I felt energized, valued and calm. That’s the power of a smile!

To end off, here are two quotes conveying the importance of a smile and their sources:

“We can never know all the good that a simple smile can do.”

“Nothing you wear is more important than your smile.”

------------------------------ ----

Footnotes:
[1] Brachos 7a
[2] Metzudas Tzion and Tehillim 57;9
(This is taken from one of the emails that I get from an amazing program called Middos Challenges. For more information, please click on the following link: torahdesigns.com/middos- challenges)

Stay Strong

Life is so full
And empty too
Life is undefined
It's up to you
To give it meaning
Or lose it all
Life must be lived
Don't let yourself fall
There's so much possibility
In this life
So much creativity
For your life
You have inner talent
Covered up by stuff
Stuff people told you
You think you're not enough
You've got what it takes
To live this life
But you think you can't make
Yourself a better life
You're falling down
Because of what you've been through
You have to remember
You'll get through this too
You can't let yourself 
Be dragged way down
You're stronger than that
Get rid of that frown
Gotta turn it around dear
Face your fears
Yes, this life is scary
But don't be wary
You've got strengths hidden
Deep inside you
Gotta uncover it
That's the truth
Face each day with a smile
Even if it's fake
Because one day you'll see
No one can break
You
Because you fought so hard
That it became part of you
That fake smile
Went that mile
And now it's real
And no one can steal
That true satisfaction
Away from you
The satisfaction
Of victory
Of not giving in
Never claim defeat
And then you'll truly win
Even if you feel
That life's knocking you down
Fight back harder
Don't let yourself drown
In tears
Or fears
About the coming years
Live in the present
One day at a time
One foot in front of the other
That's the way to shine
Don't think too far ahead
Just about today
Live life slowly
That's the way
To succeed
To overcome
This challenge so great
It's also the way
You'll become great
Don't get pulled into pettiness
Keep your priorities straight
Lift your head up high
And don't you wait
To find moments in your day
When you can rise above
Your heart will expand
And you'll feel self love
A genuine feeling
When you do what's right
A deep, inner peace
No one knows this fight
The battle that you win
Gives you true satisfaction
You're filled with glory
You deserve a crown
Though it's not publicized
You no longer feel down
And every single time
You do another little act
You get this good feeling
You're on the right track
This is a good path
A path of self love
A path where you can grow
Going up and up above
Above where you were yesterday
Because you keep on growing
And then the good feelings
They will keep on flowing
You're heading in the right direction
You're going for a ride
Because you know that real true happiness
Is only found inside
And you and I both know
That's what you're looking for
In this life so complicated
You'll find it that I'm sure
As long as you continue on this journey in this way
And keep finding little opportunities every single day
To work on your character
And the person who you are
One little step at a time
You'll shine just like a star
Although all around it is dark
Remember this one thing
If you shine a little brighter
Inner happiness you'll bring
Into your life 
And into your heart
You know exactly
Where you need to start
So take these opportunities
Each day as they come
And you'll see slowly
The person you become
Through this life so challenging
You can be the one
To give it meaning
It might not be easy some days
You might want to give up
But if you stay strong
You'll be able to
Live this up
Infuse yourself with strength
Tell yourself you can
And then you really will
Follow through with your plan
Your plan of growth and change
Of winning battles and wars
You'll make me proud
Of that I'm sure!
So keep that fight
Use all your might
And stay strong
I know you'll prove them wrong
All those voices in your head
That tell you it's too much
Quiet them once and for all
With your own special touch
And then you'll come out on the top
Because you gave it all you've got
And one day soon you'll look back and say
I am so proud of how far I've come
I came such a long way
I know you can do this
I believe in you
And deep down I hope
You do too
Stay strong
Keep fighting
Keep pushing through
You've been through so much
And you'll get through this too.

Tzom Gedalia

Tzom Gedalia

Even though the fast is over, we can still reflect on the message of this day. We fast because Gedalia, a big tzaddik, was killed by another Jew which ultimately led to all the Jews leaving EY. This was like a nail in the coffin; not only was Hashem's home destroyed, but His land was now empty.

One thing we learn is not to be overly righteous. Gedalia didn't accept the "lashon hara" he was told about Yishmael who planned to kill him. Had he done proper research, maybe he could have prevented the planned assassination. 

At this time of the year, when we take things upon ourselves and try to better ourselves, let's remember not to overdo it. Yes, we should always strive higher, but not at the expense of other people. Not if it will cause us to look away from things that are important. 

May you be able to take the right steps to change, with the right balance and with a lasting impact!