Hashem told Moshe Rabbeinu to send a group of spies to look at Eretz Yisroel before the Jewish People would enter the land.
The spies are interpreted to mean something very personal. Spies refer to foreign thoughts, things we think others are thinking about us. It's not easy to overcome negative thoughts that sneak into our heads. Yet, when we are confident that what we are doing is right, we don't need to worry about what others are thinking. We can be who we are and act in the right way without looking over our shoulders.
May we be able to send away the spies, the negative thoughts, and through this may we achieve many great things!
Showing posts with label Positive. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Positive. Show all posts
Friday, June 28, 2019
Friday, June 7, 2019
Parshas Bamidbar
The shevatim who encamped near Aharon and Moshe were known for their Torah knowledge and spiritual greatness, while those from shevet Reuvain were negatively influenced by their neighbor Korach.
We see how important it is to be surrounded by good people. We should stick around people who will influence us in a positive way and who will lift us up. We can also look at ourselves in the mirror and ask, "Would people want to be around me? What kind of impact do I have on those I come in contact with?"
May we be able to affect others in a positive way and may we always be surrounded by good people!
We see how important it is to be surrounded by good people. We should stick around people who will influence us in a positive way and who will lift us up. We can also look at ourselves in the mirror and ask, "Would people want to be around me? What kind of impact do I have on those I come in contact with?"
May we be able to affect others in a positive way and may we always be surrounded by good people!
Friday, April 12, 2019
Parshas Metzorah
If someome got tzora'as on the walls of their home and they ignored it, it spread to their clothing and then to their skin. It didn't go away until they dealt with it by approaching the Kohen and taking the steps to get rid of it.
When we try to sweep issues under the rug, they don't go away. They continue to spread further until we are forced to face them and deal with them. It takes strength to acknowledge when something is wrong and courage to do what it takes to fix our problems. But then we get to a place of healing and we can put our past behind us, growing and changing into better people.
May we be able to look at our lives with honesty, and have all the strength we need to make positive changes so we can heal, improve and look forward to a better future!
May we be able to look at our lives with honesty, and have all the strength we need to make positive changes so we can heal, improve and look forward to a better future!
Friday, November 16, 2018
Parshas Vayeitzei
Vayeitzei
Rashi tells us that the reason the passuk says Yaakov left is because when a tzaddik leaves a place, it makes an impression. People feel a loss; they gained a lot from his presence and now that he is no longer there, it affects them.
We should think about our presence and how it affects others. Are we pleasant to be around? What happens when we leave-our homes, offices, schools or any place where we are surrounded by others? Do people silently think "good riddance" or do they feel like they gained something by spending time in our presence? Do we leave a lasting impression on those who we come in contact with? We can-by complimenting them, by listening in a real way and by creating lasting connections.
May we be able to interact with those around us in a meaningful way so that when we part, people feel the difference and want to emulate our actions!
Rashi tells us that the reason the passuk says Yaakov left is because when a tzaddik leaves a place, it makes an impression. People feel a loss; they gained a lot from his presence and now that he is no longer there, it affects them.
We should think about our presence and how it affects others. Are we pleasant to be around? What happens when we leave-our homes, offices, schools or any place where we are surrounded by others? Do people silently think "good riddance" or do they feel like they gained something by spending time in our presence? Do we leave a lasting impression on those who we come in contact with? We can-by complimenting them, by listening in a real way and by creating lasting connections.
May we be able to interact with those around us in a meaningful way so that when we part, people feel the difference and want to emulate our actions!
Labels:
Compliment,
Connection,
Impact,
Parshah,
Positive
Saturday, January 27, 2018
The Power You Have
The following was written by Sarala. Enjoy this great read!
I am very passionate about this idea - Smiling. I hope it gives Chizuk and most of all inspires you.
Thank you for reading.
Smiling
Getting dressed takes a considerate amount of effort and can be time consuming. We want to look our best and take some time to be sure that our shirt matches our flowy skirt which we just bought on sale; that our tights aren’t pimply and that we don’t make a run (because its brand new and we want our money’s worth) oh … whoops… ya, a run! We also want to be sure that our earrings match our outfit. Then goes the makeup. We look into the mirror making sure the base is rubbed in. Alas! We look into the mirror one last time, admire our beauty and gleam with pride! We smile inwards and applaud ourselves mentally.
With this being said, I want to tell you a little secret (just make sure to forward it!): There’s something else we all wear which isn’t a tangible article of clothing. Nevertheless, it’s another thing we wear (or hope to wear more) which can really change our day. That is … you guessed it! A smile!! All it takes to smile is to place both your right and left index fingers on both corners of your mouth and gently move them upwards. Well, that takes minimal effort (if you followed my directions) which is the long way. This is really works. It gives us a little boost when you’re not in the best of spirits and improves our mood.
What’s Behind a Smile?
So, you ask, why does smiling have so much “power?” What is it about smiling that deserves much elaboration? From a scientific point of view, smiling has the ability to create “good feelings” in us. On the surface level, smiling sends a message to our brain (via the muscles that contract) to produce those “good feelings.” These good feelings, generate positive emotions in us.
What a Simple Smile Can Do:
Imagine this:
You wake up at 7 am feeling tired and groggy. You make your way to the bathroom and stub your toe. After you recover, you throw on your clothes and schlep your tights up only to rip them. Its 7:30 and you feel your patience ebbing away. As if that drama wasn’t enough, you accidentally tilt your yogurt cup and add a decoration to your shirt (not the kind of decoration you’d buy). Not only are you tired, and groggy, but you’re moody and almost start yelling at your yogurt. You change and finally arrive at work. Your coworker greets you with a hearty “good morning.” You (the once tired and groggy person), greet her back with one of your nice warm smiles. Right then and there, you feel a certain calmness washing over you. Your feelings of fatigue literally vanished.
The “Magic” in a Smile:
What happened here? Was this some kind of magic potion? Yes, this was a kind of “magic.” Your co-worker’s (magic) smile generated positive feelings which replaced your fatigue and moodiness. Not only are you no longer tired; you’re happy, smiley and full of positive energy! Not only does a smile have the power to help us feel good. It also enhances our beauty. What’s sweeter than being greeted with a hearty, warm and inviting smile? It’s incredible!
This is the Power of a Smile!
We tend to underestimate the power of smiling and rationalize its importance/power by thinking, ‘what’s the big deal?’ What’s my smile really going to do? Can I really make a difference? All these rationalizations stem from the Yetzer Hara in an effort to make us feel inadequate and small. Nonetheless, the Torah gives us have first-hand evidence and explains its importance.
[1] Rabbi Yochanan Ben Zakkai was exceptionally nice in one area. He was the first to greet others and say “hello.” Why was this so special? The Gemara is teaching us the importance of acknowledging another person. When we make a point to notice someone and acknowledge their presence, it shows them that they’re important in our eyes. We are giving them the message that “you matter!”
[2] The Meforshim explain that the Neshama is called Kavod. Why? Because our Neshama gives others value and respect; it gives life. When we greet someone, we’re tapping into their Neshama, showing them they are worthy of respect and this makes them feel valuable, which is why their face lights up.
A Personal Example
As I was leaving work one afternoon, my boss gave me a compliment with an added bonus: A Warm Smile. It wasn’t one of my best days and I was quite tired. However, I felt so much better: I felt energized, valued and calm. That’s the power of a smile!
To end off, here are two quotes conveying the importance of a smile and their sources:
“We can never know all the good that a simple smile can do.”
“Nothing you wear is more important than your smile.”
------------------------------ ----
Footnotes:
[1] Brachos 7a
[2] Metzudas Tzion and Tehillim 57;9
(This is taken from one of the emails that I get from an amazing program called Middos Challenges. For more information, please click on the following link: torahdesigns.com/middos- challenges)
I am very passionate about this idea - Smiling. I hope it gives Chizuk and most of all inspires you.
Thank you for reading.
Smiling
Getting dressed takes a considerate amount of effort and can be time consuming. We want to look our best and take some time to be sure that our shirt matches our flowy skirt which we just bought on sale; that our tights aren’t pimply and that we don’t make a run (because its brand new and we want our money’s worth) oh … whoops… ya, a run! We also want to be sure that our earrings match our outfit. Then goes the makeup. We look into the mirror making sure the base is rubbed in. Alas! We look into the mirror one last time, admire our beauty and gleam with pride! We smile inwards and applaud ourselves mentally.
With this being said, I want to tell you a little secret (just make sure to forward it!): There’s something else we all wear which isn’t a tangible article of clothing. Nevertheless, it’s another thing we wear (or hope to wear more) which can really change our day. That is … you guessed it! A smile!! All it takes to smile is to place both your right and left index fingers on both corners of your mouth and gently move them upwards. Well, that takes minimal effort (if you followed my directions) which is the long way. This is really works. It gives us a little boost when you’re not in the best of spirits and improves our mood.
What’s Behind a Smile?
So, you ask, why does smiling have so much “power?” What is it about smiling that deserves much elaboration? From a scientific point of view, smiling has the ability to create “good feelings” in us. On the surface level, smiling sends a message to our brain (via the muscles that contract) to produce those “good feelings.” These good feelings, generate positive emotions in us.
What a Simple Smile Can Do:
Imagine this:
You wake up at 7 am feeling tired and groggy. You make your way to the bathroom and stub your toe. After you recover, you throw on your clothes and schlep your tights up only to rip them. Its 7:30 and you feel your patience ebbing away. As if that drama wasn’t enough, you accidentally tilt your yogurt cup and add a decoration to your shirt (not the kind of decoration you’d buy). Not only are you tired, and groggy, but you’re moody and almost start yelling at your yogurt. You change and finally arrive at work. Your coworker greets you with a hearty “good morning.” You (the once tired and groggy person), greet her back with one of your nice warm smiles. Right then and there, you feel a certain calmness washing over you. Your feelings of fatigue literally vanished.
The “Magic” in a Smile:
What happened here? Was this some kind of magic potion? Yes, this was a kind of “magic.” Your co-worker’s (magic) smile generated positive feelings which replaced your fatigue and moodiness. Not only are you no longer tired; you’re happy, smiley and full of positive energy! Not only does a smile have the power to help us feel good. It also enhances our beauty. What’s sweeter than being greeted with a hearty, warm and inviting smile? It’s incredible!
This is the Power of a Smile!
We tend to underestimate the power of smiling and rationalize its importance/power by thinking, ‘what’s the big deal?’ What’s my smile really going to do? Can I really make a difference? All these rationalizations stem from the Yetzer Hara in an effort to make us feel inadequate and small. Nonetheless, the Torah gives us have first-hand evidence and explains its importance.
[1] Rabbi Yochanan Ben Zakkai was exceptionally nice in one area. He was the first to greet others and say “hello.” Why was this so special? The Gemara is teaching us the importance of acknowledging another person. When we make a point to notice someone and acknowledge their presence, it shows them that they’re important in our eyes. We are giving them the message that “you matter!”
[2] The Meforshim explain that the Neshama is called Kavod. Why? Because our Neshama gives others value and respect; it gives life. When we greet someone, we’re tapping into their Neshama, showing them they are worthy of respect and this makes them feel valuable, which is why their face lights up.
A Personal Example
As I was leaving work one afternoon, my boss gave me a compliment with an added bonus: A Warm Smile. It wasn’t one of my best days and I was quite tired. However, I felt so much better: I felt energized, valued and calm. That’s the power of a smile!
To end off, here are two quotes conveying the importance of a smile and their sources:
“We can never know all the good that a simple smile can do.”
“Nothing you wear is more important than your smile.”
------------------------------ ----
Footnotes:
[1] Brachos 7a
[2] Metzudas Tzion and Tehillim 57;9
(This is taken from one of the emails that I get from an amazing program called Middos Challenges. For more information, please click on the following link: torahdesigns.com/middos- challenges)
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Your Face
The Three Weeks are here again. We are fasting, once more, still in this galus...still waiting for the beis hamikdosh to be rebuilt.
As we know, the purpose of a fast day is to bring us to do teshuva. When we refrain from eating, hopefully, our brains are less distracted by the foods we would be eating and we can focus on things that are important-the changes we would like to make, that we save for some other day...and we can actually use this day to accomplish something good, to become a better person in a small way.
Bein adam lachaveiro-these are three little words that include so much.
Throughout the day, we interact with many different people-on the phone, in person and even in writing-text, chat, email, and perhaps some old fashioned pen to paper letter writing.
There are things we can do to improve and to enhance our interactions with those we come in contact with.
I want to focus on one area-an area that may be easy for some people and more of a challenge for others.
I recently told someone about the concept of "your face is public property" and she found that thought so profound. She never heard it expressed that way and she loved it.
Let's face it. Some days are just plain hard. We're not in the mood of smiling. We don't want to "fake it til we make it".
But...did Hashem create us with a mirror in front of our face so we can see ourselves all day?
Who sees us when we go outside?
Should we be walking around with a sour expression on our faces when there's a world out there with people looking at us?
If you had a garden in front of your house, how would you want it to look? Would you like a nice, manicured front lawn with beautiful flowers for everyone to look at and enjoy (if they weren't so busy with their cell phones texting and browsing all day lol)? Or would you want a garden with overgrown leaves and weeds and some poison ivy just to top it off? :)
What kind of message do you want to give over to people who see you?
When you get dressed in the morning, don't you check to make sure your shirt is not stained, you look neat and put together and that there's no chas v'shalom...gasp...run in your tights? :-)
So...ask yourself each morning...before you leave your house...how well dressed is my face? And I'm not talking about makeup-although that does help sometimes. The expression on your face is just as important...if not more so.
Remember...your face is public property.
Keep it beautiful...keep it happy...and let that positivity spread to others.
May Hashem give you many reasons to keep that smile pasted on your face...every single day!
Sunday, February 10, 2013
Rosh Chodesh Adar
Today is Rosh Chodesh Adar.
It is the first day of the month when we increase the happiness and joy we feel in our hearts. It is a month where our nation experienced a miracle and we go into the month hoping for personal miracles in our own lives and the lives of those around us.
We can learn many lessons this month, if we just delve into some of the details of the story of Purim. We see so clearly the incredible power of sincere tefillah-how at a time of uncertainty and despair, Mordechai gathered the little children together and they poured out their hearts to the Only One who could help them...and they merited to see the yeshuah in a way they never would have imagined.
We see how the ways of Hashem are mysterious and there is so much we cannot understand...until we take a step back and look at the whole picture.
The story of Purim took nine years to play out. Of course it's easy for us to see the Yad Hashem in all of it! We are reading the whole book, the whole megillah, so when we read the part of Esther HaMalka being chosen as the new queen, it all makes sense to us. We know how it will end...we know how she was the catalyst, the one to bring the ultimate yeshuah in the Purim story to all of Klal Yisroel. But did she know it? Did she have any idea why she was the one chosen, of all the beautiful women and girls, to be the one to marry Achashveirosh?
This was the refuah lifnei hamakah.This was Hashem's way of setting up the positive outcome of the Purim story. Esther entering the palace of Achashveirosh as his new queen seemed like the most terrible thing that could have happened to her. Yet, this turned out to be a great bracha-because through her, so much good came to the entire nation. It was only because she was the queen that she was able to save the Jews from Haman's evil plans.
Hashem wanted to bring Klal Yisroel to do teshuva for their sins. And this is how they got the message-so strongly and so clearly. They united in tefillah, pouring out their hearts and praying for their lives to be spared...somehow. And Hashem brought about the miracle of Purim.
The message of refuah lifnei hamakah-of the good being set up before the strong blow has many dimensions. From the Purim story we see that it is not always that simple. It wasn't clear-at all-that Esther's entrance to the king's palace and subsequent position as queen was the refuah. In fact, it seemed that this was the greatest makah, the greatest blow that ever could have happened! But that was not the case. The exact thing that looked like it was so terrible, so unimaginable...so clearly bad...the very thing that seemed like it was the worst thing that could have happened...was the catalyst for Klal Yisroel's yeshuah!
May this month be one in which you are able to see the yad Hashem clearly in your life and where you FEEL Him meitzitz min hacharakim, peeking through the cracks of the blinds of your windows. May you experience your own v'nahapoch Hu...where things change for the good in a way that is so totally upside down...from despair to hope, from sadness to happiness, from pain to comfort and joy and simcha!
May this month be a truly happy one for you and all those close to you!
It is the first day of the month when we increase the happiness and joy we feel in our hearts. It is a month where our nation experienced a miracle and we go into the month hoping for personal miracles in our own lives and the lives of those around us.
We can learn many lessons this month, if we just delve into some of the details of the story of Purim. We see so clearly the incredible power of sincere tefillah-how at a time of uncertainty and despair, Mordechai gathered the little children together and they poured out their hearts to the Only One who could help them...and they merited to see the yeshuah in a way they never would have imagined.
We see how the ways of Hashem are mysterious and there is so much we cannot understand...until we take a step back and look at the whole picture.
The story of Purim took nine years to play out. Of course it's easy for us to see the Yad Hashem in all of it! We are reading the whole book, the whole megillah, so when we read the part of Esther HaMalka being chosen as the new queen, it all makes sense to us. We know how it will end...we know how she was the catalyst, the one to bring the ultimate yeshuah in the Purim story to all of Klal Yisroel. But did she know it? Did she have any idea why she was the one chosen, of all the beautiful women and girls, to be the one to marry Achashveirosh?
This was the refuah lifnei hamakah.This was Hashem's way of setting up the positive outcome of the Purim story. Esther entering the palace of Achashveirosh as his new queen seemed like the most terrible thing that could have happened to her. Yet, this turned out to be a great bracha-because through her, so much good came to the entire nation. It was only because she was the queen that she was able to save the Jews from Haman's evil plans.
Hashem wanted to bring Klal Yisroel to do teshuva for their sins. And this is how they got the message-so strongly and so clearly. They united in tefillah, pouring out their hearts and praying for their lives to be spared...somehow. And Hashem brought about the miracle of Purim.
The message of refuah lifnei hamakah-of the good being set up before the strong blow has many dimensions. From the Purim story we see that it is not always that simple. It wasn't clear-at all-that Esther's entrance to the king's palace and subsequent position as queen was the refuah. In fact, it seemed that this was the greatest makah, the greatest blow that ever could have happened! But that was not the case. The exact thing that looked like it was so terrible, so unimaginable...so clearly bad...the very thing that seemed like it was the worst thing that could have happened...was the catalyst for Klal Yisroel's yeshuah!
May this month be one in which you are able to see the yad Hashem clearly in your life and where you FEEL Him meitzitz min hacharakim, peeking through the cracks of the blinds of your windows. May you experience your own v'nahapoch Hu...where things change for the good in a way that is so totally upside down...from despair to hope, from sadness to happiness, from pain to comfort and joy and simcha!
May this month be a truly happy one for you and all those close to you!
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Positive Speech
This was posted once before...
How can we improve the way we speak?
Positive Word Power, an amazing book on the topic of Speaking Positively is not just recommended reading. It is a truly essential work, which will help you learn how to speak in a more positive way and will give you practical guidelines for effective growth - both in the areas of personal development and in interpersonal relationships. If you do not have it yet, it is a good idea to buy it, study it and really apply its useful and true-to-life lessons.
The sefer is actually arranged in short and poignant daily lessons. Below is a sample of a Daily Lesson. Even for those who are already studying the book, the following can certainly be read, reread, and reread (and applied!).
“I just want you to know how much we enjoy having your son around,” Leah told her friend, Tova. Leah lived in Israel, where Tova’s son was learning in yeshivah. He spent many a Shabbos with Leah and her family, eager as he was to enjoy a family atmosphere and home cooking. Tova sometimes wondered if he wasn’t perhaps overusing his welcome.
“He’s so helpful and such a terrific addition to the table,” Leah enthused. Later on, when Tova spoke to her son, she was happy to relate her friend’s warm words. Her son was happy to hear that his presence was welcome. He felt valued and good that he was seen as someone with something to offer. Thereafter, each time he visited Leah's family for Shabbos, he aimed to enhance his reputation further. He made sure to bring an especially interesting Dvar Torah, he brought puzz1es and games for the family’s children, and cake from the bakery for the family to enjoy. He wanted to maintain his status as a "terrific addition," and he did.
Everyone is well aware of the negative impact of hearing unkind words passed along about oneself. People do not often consider, however, the ripple effects of good words being passed along. Everyone loves to hear that something nice was said about them. It enhances their self-esteem, and more importantly, it builds their desire to continue doing the good thing for which they were praised. The child who was told, "Your teacher says you always have interesting ideas to add to the class discussion," will look forward to the next opportunity to raise his/her hand in class. The husband who is told, "Your wife always quotes your opinion," will feel honored and admired by his wife, thereby encouraging him to continue earning her respect. The wife who hears, "You husband says he couldn't manage anything without you," will be happy to dig in and provide the support her husband counts on.
People long to feel acknowledged and appreciated. Praising someone to his face is one way to convey this recognition, yet there is always the lingering thought that perhaps the praise is meant "just to be nice." When a person hears that he was praised to another, the praise rings that much truer, for there can be no ulterior motive. Aaron HaKohen employed this method to foster peace and friendship among the Jewish people. He would tell each person how much the other person valued him, thereby building friendship and warmth. Often, we hear good things about someone, but fail to pass it on. It just takes a little awareness to tuck that compliment away and bring it out when it counts. Doing so takes the positive power of the comment itself and amplifies it a thousand times over, giving someone the encouragement to keep on doing what they do well, and the blessing of knowing they are appreciated.
Remember, when you hear a compliment or a positive statement about someone, you should try to pass it on to the subject of the comment.
Reproduced from Positive Word Power by the Chofetz Chaim Heritage Foundation with permission from the copyright holders at Artscroll/Mesorah Publications, LTD.
How can we improve the way we speak?
Positive Word Power, an amazing book on the topic of Speaking Positively is not just recommended reading. It is a truly essential work, which will help you learn how to speak in a more positive way and will give you practical guidelines for effective growth - both in the areas of personal development and in interpersonal relationships. If you do not have it yet, it is a good idea to buy it, study it and really apply its useful and true-to-life lessons.
The sefer is actually arranged in short and poignant daily lessons. Below is a sample of a Daily Lesson. Even for those who are already studying the book, the following can certainly be read, reread, and reread (and applied!).
“I just want you to know how much we enjoy having your son around,” Leah told her friend, Tova. Leah lived in Israel, where Tova’s son was learning in yeshivah. He spent many a Shabbos with Leah and her family, eager as he was to enjoy a family atmosphere and home cooking. Tova sometimes wondered if he wasn’t perhaps overusing his welcome.
“He’s so helpful and such a terrific addition to the table,” Leah enthused. Later on, when Tova spoke to her son, she was happy to relate her friend’s warm words. Her son was happy to hear that his presence was welcome. He felt valued and good that he was seen as someone with something to offer. Thereafter, each time he visited Leah's family for Shabbos, he aimed to enhance his reputation further. He made sure to bring an especially interesting Dvar Torah, he brought puzz1es and games for the family’s children, and cake from the bakery for the family to enjoy. He wanted to maintain his status as a "terrific addition," and he did.
Everyone is well aware of the negative impact of hearing unkind words passed along about oneself. People do not often consider, however, the ripple effects of good words being passed along. Everyone loves to hear that something nice was said about them. It enhances their self-esteem, and more importantly, it builds their desire to continue doing the good thing for which they were praised. The child who was told, "Your teacher says you always have interesting ideas to add to the class discussion," will look forward to the next opportunity to raise his/her hand in class. The husband who is told, "Your wife always quotes your opinion," will feel honored and admired by his wife, thereby encouraging him to continue earning her respect. The wife who hears, "You husband says he couldn't manage anything without you," will be happy to dig in and provide the support her husband counts on.
People long to feel acknowledged and appreciated. Praising someone to his face is one way to convey this recognition, yet there is always the lingering thought that perhaps the praise is meant "just to be nice." When a person hears that he was praised to another, the praise rings that much truer, for there can be no ulterior motive. Aaron HaKohen employed this method to foster peace and friendship among the Jewish people. He would tell each person how much the other person valued him, thereby building friendship and warmth. Often, we hear good things about someone, but fail to pass it on. It just takes a little awareness to tuck that compliment away and bring it out when it counts. Doing so takes the positive power of the comment itself and amplifies it a thousand times over, giving someone the encouragement to keep on doing what they do well, and the blessing of knowing they are appreciated.
Remember, when you hear a compliment or a positive statement about someone, you should try to pass it on to the subject of the comment.
Reproduced from Positive Word Power by the Chofetz Chaim Heritage Foundation with permission from the copyright holders at Artscroll/Mesorah Publications, LTD.
Labels:
Compliment,
Positive,
Speech
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Encouragement
Everyone needs encouragement.
Don't you think it's true?
It's not that it's only true for the people who look like they could use an extra dose of positivity or for someone you pass in the hallway who you can tell is having a hard day just by looking at their facial expression.
Even those who are "high up" on the ladder, even those who look like they have everything going for them. These people specifically could use an extra boost.
I'll tell you how you can do it.
Give a sincere and honest compliment. "I like your necklace" is fine and so is "nice shoes" but something a little deeper can really make a difference to a person's day.
"It's such a pleasure to work with you. You are always so positive!"
"You are so dedicated to your job. What would we do without you?!"
"I'm so lucky to have a friend like you. You listen to me with your heart, especially when it's late at night and I have no one else to talk to."
If you feel embarrassed or uncomfortable to say these things to someone's face, you can always write them a letter or an email or send them a text message. It can really make their day!
Do you know that people who speak publicly really draw strength to continue from the feedback they get?
"The speech you ave really hit home. I specifically liked that story/point you said about _________. It really spoke to me and I'm going to do something about it."
Every person, no matter how great they seem or how confident they appear to be can gain from your positive words.
Give it a try! You'll make someone's day!
Don't you think it's true?
It's not that it's only true for the people who look like they could use an extra dose of positivity or for someone you pass in the hallway who you can tell is having a hard day just by looking at their facial expression.
Even those who are "high up" on the ladder, even those who look like they have everything going for them. These people specifically could use an extra boost.
I'll tell you how you can do it.
Give a sincere and honest compliment. "I like your necklace" is fine and so is "nice shoes" but something a little deeper can really make a difference to a person's day.
"It's such a pleasure to work with you. You are always so positive!"
"You are so dedicated to your job. What would we do without you?!"
"I'm so lucky to have a friend like you. You listen to me with your heart, especially when it's late at night and I have no one else to talk to."
If you feel embarrassed or uncomfortable to say these things to someone's face, you can always write them a letter or an email or send them a text message. It can really make their day!
Do you know that people who speak publicly really draw strength to continue from the feedback they get?
"The speech you ave really hit home. I specifically liked that story/point you said about _________. It really spoke to me and I'm going to do something about it."
Every person, no matter how great they seem or how confident they appear to be can gain from your positive words.
Give it a try! You'll make someone's day!
Labels:
Compliment,
Positive,
Word
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Monday, May 24, 2010
Rejection - Strengthen Your Emunah
Question: How do you take a rejection as something positive?
Is one to think that I am a no gooder, if someone does not want them?
How is one to channel their emotions in the right direction?
(This question was emailed to me a while ago, but I'm posting it now because I think many of you can gain from it. And to the person who originally asked this question, I edited the answer a bit so it's a drop different from when I responded to your email - so you can go ahead and reread it now.)
First of all, it is a very hard thing to be rejected, whether it is rejection from a school or seminary of your choice, a job or college, or a boy you were dating. I have no way of knowing what type of rejection you are talking about, but rejection in any form is hurtful and painful. So don't feel bad if you feel you need to cry and let out the painful emotions in whatever way works for you (writing, music, art, tears).
The first thing to remember is that if you were stronger in your emunah, you would firmly believe that this rejection is the best thing for you right now. Even if you don't understand how it is best for you, you would believe it and it wouldn't hurt you as much. So a good step to do is to work on strengthening your emunah. Remind yourself that Hashem loves you like a parent loves their child and like a friend loves a friend and like a husband and wife love each other. (There are many comparisons of Hashem's love towards us in Shir Hashirim - we are called Hashem's child, sister, friend, beloved...) Tell yourself again and again that whatever is happening to you is for your ultimate good and for the good of your neshama. The reason you were rejected - you don't know why it happened but you do know and should tell yourself that it is for a good reason, for your ultimate benefit. And when you do get to that point of reaching where you wanted to get to (again, I don't know what brought this question but it can be anything - getting into the right school/seminary, job/college or chosson(!) that you were waiting so long for), you will be able to look back and realize why whatever it is that you had wanted so badly was not good for you in the end!
I recommend reading a book on the topic of Emunah which will help you fill your heart with more emunah and trust in Hashem. It is important to remember that He loves you, cares about you and does everything for your good. He can do anything and wants to help you - you just need to turn to Him, talk to Him, tell Him how you feel and connect to Him in a more real and deep way.
Don't think of yourself as a "no gooder"! Every person has positive qualities and I'm sure you do to! If you were rejected, this is Hashem's way of telling you: This (school/seminary/job/college/boy) is not best for you! I have something much better in mind for you! This is a very big step but try to think of this rejection as a gift from Hashem. It is a beautifully wrapped package - and it is Hashem's way of telling you, "I love you!" because He is saving you from something that would not be good for you!! If it would be good for you, He would give it to you! And since it is NOT good, He doesn't want you to have it! It doesn't in any way mean you are no good - just the opposite! It shows that you are special and this place/person is just not for you! You are special, you are a treasure, you are Hashem's child and He loves you and only has the best things for you in mind!! By reminding yourself that the reason why you were rejected is because Hashem has something much better in store for you, you will be able to accept this test with love and realize that He is doing this only because He loves you more than anyone in the world!!!
We mention this concept in tehillim, perek chaf gimmel (23) when we say, Hashem Ro'ee - Hashem is my shephard. This means that Hashem takes care of us like a shephard watches over his sheep, making sure they have enough food and drink and constantly taking care of them. Then we go on to say, Lo Echsar, I lack nothing. This means that you have whatever you need. And the most important thing to keep in mind is: IF YOU DON'T HAVE IT, YOU DON'T NEED IT. Hashem knows you best and knows exactly what you need. So if He thinks something is good for you, He will give it to you. And if He thinks it is not good for you, He will make sure to hold it back from you. But remember, everything that Hashem does is for your ultimate good. So even if you don't understand it right now, the situation you are in is best for you!
It is normal and okay to have emotions after experiencing rejection of any sort. It's okay to cry. It's okay to feel down and upset. It's normal to be hurt. But don't let these emotions overtake you. Instead, use these emotions to turn to Hashem and beg Him for your own personal yeshuah. Tell Him how much it hurts you. Talk to Him like a friend and let everything spill out. Hashem understands you better than anyone in the world because He created you and He knows how you work!! Try to channel your emotions towards your loving Father and use your feelings to come closer to Him. You will feel so much better after you speak your heart out to Him.
One other thing to keep in mind is that you are not alone. There are other people experiencing similar feelings of rejection. Daven for them too. Keep them in mind when you tell Hashem how you feel and beg Him to bring an end to the pain these other people are feeling too! And in the zechus of davening for others, may Hashem answer your tefillos and may He bring a yeshuah to all those who need it!!
Hatzlacha!
Is one to think that I am a no gooder, if someone does not want them?
How is one to channel their emotions in the right direction?
(This question was emailed to me a while ago, but I'm posting it now because I think many of you can gain from it. And to the person who originally asked this question, I edited the answer a bit so it's a drop different from when I responded to your email - so you can go ahead and reread it now.)
First of all, it is a very hard thing to be rejected, whether it is rejection from a school or seminary of your choice, a job or college, or a boy you were dating. I have no way of knowing what type of rejection you are talking about, but rejection in any form is hurtful and painful. So don't feel bad if you feel you need to cry and let out the painful emotions in whatever way works for you (writing, music, art, tears).
The first thing to remember is that if you were stronger in your emunah, you would firmly believe that this rejection is the best thing for you right now. Even if you don't understand how it is best for you, you would believe it and it wouldn't hurt you as much. So a good step to do is to work on strengthening your emunah. Remind yourself that Hashem loves you like a parent loves their child and like a friend loves a friend and like a husband and wife love each other. (There are many comparisons of Hashem's love towards us in Shir Hashirim - we are called Hashem's child, sister, friend, beloved...) Tell yourself again and again that whatever is happening to you is for your ultimate good and for the good of your neshama. The reason you were rejected - you don't know why it happened but you do know and should tell yourself that it is for a good reason, for your ultimate benefit. And when you do get to that point of reaching where you wanted to get to (again, I don't know what brought this question but it can be anything - getting into the right school/seminary, job/college or chosson(!) that you were waiting so long for), you will be able to look back and realize why whatever it is that you had wanted so badly was not good for you in the end!
I recommend reading a book on the topic of Emunah which will help you fill your heart with more emunah and trust in Hashem. It is important to remember that He loves you, cares about you and does everything for your good. He can do anything and wants to help you - you just need to turn to Him, talk to Him, tell Him how you feel and connect to Him in a more real and deep way.
Don't think of yourself as a "no gooder"! Every person has positive qualities and I'm sure you do to! If you were rejected, this is Hashem's way of telling you: This (school/seminary/job/college/boy) is not best for you! I have something much better in mind for you! This is a very big step but try to think of this rejection as a gift from Hashem. It is a beautifully wrapped package - and it is Hashem's way of telling you, "I love you!" because He is saving you from something that would not be good for you!! If it would be good for you, He would give it to you! And since it is NOT good, He doesn't want you to have it! It doesn't in any way mean you are no good - just the opposite! It shows that you are special and this place/person is just not for you! You are special, you are a treasure, you are Hashem's child and He loves you and only has the best things for you in mind!! By reminding yourself that the reason why you were rejected is because Hashem has something much better in store for you, you will be able to accept this test with love and realize that He is doing this only because He loves you more than anyone in the world!!!
We mention this concept in tehillim, perek chaf gimmel (23) when we say, Hashem Ro'ee - Hashem is my shephard. This means that Hashem takes care of us like a shephard watches over his sheep, making sure they have enough food and drink and constantly taking care of them. Then we go on to say, Lo Echsar, I lack nothing. This means that you have whatever you need. And the most important thing to keep in mind is: IF YOU DON'T HAVE IT, YOU DON'T NEED IT. Hashem knows you best and knows exactly what you need. So if He thinks something is good for you, He will give it to you. And if He thinks it is not good for you, He will make sure to hold it back from you. But remember, everything that Hashem does is for your ultimate good. So even if you don't understand it right now, the situation you are in is best for you!
It is normal and okay to have emotions after experiencing rejection of any sort. It's okay to cry. It's okay to feel down and upset. It's normal to be hurt. But don't let these emotions overtake you. Instead, use these emotions to turn to Hashem and beg Him for your own personal yeshuah. Tell Him how much it hurts you. Talk to Him like a friend and let everything spill out. Hashem understands you better than anyone in the world because He created you and He knows how you work!! Try to channel your emotions towards your loving Father and use your feelings to come closer to Him. You will feel so much better after you speak your heart out to Him.
One other thing to keep in mind is that you are not alone. There are other people experiencing similar feelings of rejection. Daven for them too. Keep them in mind when you tell Hashem how you feel and beg Him to bring an end to the pain these other people are feeling too! And in the zechus of davening for others, may Hashem answer your tefillos and may He bring a yeshuah to all those who need it!!
Hatzlacha!
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Positive Speech
How can we improve the way we speak?
Positive Word Power, an amazing book on the topic of Speaking Positively is not just recommended reading. It is a truly essential work, which will help you learn how to speak in a more positive way and will give you practical guidelines for effective growth - both in the areas of personal development and in interpersonal relationships. If you do not have it yet, it is a good idea to buy it, study it and really apply its useful and true-to-life lessons.
The sefer is actually arranged in short and poignant daily lessons. Below is a sample of a Daily Lesson. Even for those who are already studying the book, the following can certainly be read, reread, and reread (and applied!).
“I just want you to know how much we enjoy having your son around,” Leah told her friend, Tova. Leah lived in Israel, where Tova’s son was learning in yeshivah. He spent many a Shabbos with Leah and her family, eager as he was to enjoy a family atmosphere and home cooking. Tova sometimes wondered if he wasn’t perhaps overusing his welcome.
“He’s so helpful and such a terrific addition to the table,” Leah enthused. Later on, when Tova spoke to her son, she was happy to relate her friend’s warm words. Her son was happy to hear that his presence was welcome. He felt valued and good that he was seen as someone with something to offer. Thereafter, each time he visited Leah's family for Shabbos, he aimed to enhance his reputation further. He made sure to bring an especially interesting Dvar Torah, he brought puzz1es and games for the family’s children, and cake from the bakery for the family to enjoy. He wanted to maintain his status as a "terrific addition," and he did.
Everyone is well aware of the negative impact of hearing unkind words passed along about oneself. People do not often consider, however, the ripple effects of good words being passed along. Everyone loves to hear that something nice was said about them. It enhances their self-esteem, and more importantly, it builds their desire to continue doing the good thing for which they were praised. The child who was told, "Your teacher says you always have interesting ideas to add to the class discussion," will look forward to the next opportunity to raise his/her hand in class. The husband who is told, "Your wife always quotes your opinion," will feel honored and admired by his wife, thereby encouraging him to continue earning her respect. The wife who hears, "You husband says he couldn't manage anything without you," will be happy to dig in and provide the support her husband counts on.
People long to feel acknowledged and appreciated. Praising someone to his face is one way to convey this recognition, yet there is always the lingering thought that perhaps the praise is meant "just to be nice." When a person hears that he was praised to another, the praise rings that much truer, for there can be no ulterior motive. Aaron HaKohen employed this method to foster peace and friendship among the Jewish people. He would tell each person how much the other person valued him, thereby building friendship and warmth. Often, we hear good things about someone, but fail to pass it on. It just takes a little awareness to tuck that compliment away and bring it out when it counts. Doing so takes the positive power of the comment itself and amplifies it a thousand times over, giving someone the encouragement to keep on doing what they do well, and the blessing of knowing they are appreciated.
Remember, when you hear a compliment or a positive statement about someone, you should try to pass it on to the subject of the comment.
Reproduced from Positive Word Power by the Chofetz Chaim Heritage Foundation with permission from the copyright holders at Artscroll/Mesorah Publications, LTD.
Positive Word Power, an amazing book on the topic of Speaking Positively is not just recommended reading. It is a truly essential work, which will help you learn how to speak in a more positive way and will give you practical guidelines for effective growth - both in the areas of personal development and in interpersonal relationships. If you do not have it yet, it is a good idea to buy it, study it and really apply its useful and true-to-life lessons.
The sefer is actually arranged in short and poignant daily lessons. Below is a sample of a Daily Lesson. Even for those who are already studying the book, the following can certainly be read, reread, and reread (and applied!).
“I just want you to know how much we enjoy having your son around,” Leah told her friend, Tova. Leah lived in Israel, where Tova’s son was learning in yeshivah. He spent many a Shabbos with Leah and her family, eager as he was to enjoy a family atmosphere and home cooking. Tova sometimes wondered if he wasn’t perhaps overusing his welcome.
“He’s so helpful and such a terrific addition to the table,” Leah enthused. Later on, when Tova spoke to her son, she was happy to relate her friend’s warm words. Her son was happy to hear that his presence was welcome. He felt valued and good that he was seen as someone with something to offer. Thereafter, each time he visited Leah's family for Shabbos, he aimed to enhance his reputation further. He made sure to bring an especially interesting Dvar Torah, he brought puzz1es and games for the family’s children, and cake from the bakery for the family to enjoy. He wanted to maintain his status as a "terrific addition," and he did.
Everyone is well aware of the negative impact of hearing unkind words passed along about oneself. People do not often consider, however, the ripple effects of good words being passed along. Everyone loves to hear that something nice was said about them. It enhances their self-esteem, and more importantly, it builds their desire to continue doing the good thing for which they were praised. The child who was told, "Your teacher says you always have interesting ideas to add to the class discussion," will look forward to the next opportunity to raise his/her hand in class. The husband who is told, "Your wife always quotes your opinion," will feel honored and admired by his wife, thereby encouraging him to continue earning her respect. The wife who hears, "You husband says he couldn't manage anything without you," will be happy to dig in and provide the support her husband counts on.
People long to feel acknowledged and appreciated. Praising someone to his face is one way to convey this recognition, yet there is always the lingering thought that perhaps the praise is meant "just to be nice." When a person hears that he was praised to another, the praise rings that much truer, for there can be no ulterior motive. Aaron HaKohen employed this method to foster peace and friendship among the Jewish people. He would tell each person how much the other person valued him, thereby building friendship and warmth. Often, we hear good things about someone, but fail to pass it on. It just takes a little awareness to tuck that compliment away and bring it out when it counts. Doing so takes the positive power of the comment itself and amplifies it a thousand times over, giving someone the encouragement to keep on doing what they do well, and the blessing of knowing they are appreciated.
Remember, when you hear a compliment or a positive statement about someone, you should try to pass it on to the subject of the comment.
Reproduced from Positive Word Power by the Chofetz Chaim Heritage Foundation with permission from the copyright holders at Artscroll/Mesorah Publications, LTD.
Labels:
Compliment,
Positive,
Speech
Monday, January 25, 2010
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Everyone can change no matter how broken you feel!
Someone sent a letter to her counselor and she wanted me to see it so she sent me a copy of it. I want you to read it so that you can see how everyone can change no matter how far they have gone! At any moment you can decide to invite Hashem into your Neshama and live for real!!!!
Dear counselor,
I just want to thank you for all you have done for me.I remember those hopeless nights when I would bitterly cry myself to sleep. I wished I would never wake up again. It’s funny, almost. There I was, the girl who had everything- Smart, fun, popular and wacky. But it was all a sham. I lived a double life. On the outside, I was always happy and content, breezing through high school without a care in the world. But on the inside, there was only darkness and despair. I had so many questions; so many things didn’t make sense to me. I hated myself and I hated the whole world. I was so confused. I davened to Hashem to help me make sense of it but the darkness only got stronger and stronger. So I just slowly stopped believing that he was there at all. I despised Judiasm, it was a cage for me, a bunch of torturous rules that I didn’t understand. I was so depressed. And nobody knew, not even my parents. I didn’t trust them to understand. It was just me, struggling alone in that wild tornado. There were times when I really thought I would have a nervous breakdown. In school, I was constantly yelled at. I was always acting up and getting myself into trouble. It got to the point where I was always assumed to be the source of any commotion and was embarrassed in public for things I had never done. They couldn’t see that the crazy things I did were in order to distract myself from the horrible darkness that would creep up on me whenever I was alone with my thoughts. They never realized how starved I was for warmth and love. At night, when I could no longer run from myself, I used to dream of peace, and imagine fantasy lands where I was loved. I dreamed of running away, far from my home and the religion that I so despised. And the next day, I would paste the smile on my face and pretend everything all over again. I must have done a really great job of it, because nobody ever dreamed that beneath my carefree exterior my heart was dying a slow death. Do you know what it’s like to have to pretend day in, day out that you are the happiest girl when inside you are shattered in to a million and one pieces? I gravitated to the internet, immersing myself in it to numb the pain I was in. And so I slid, closer and closer to the point of no return, with nobody to catch me.
You saved my life. You understood the things that nobody else could. I can’t get over how much you care about me. You lead such a busy life but whenever I talk to you, I feel like I’m the only thing in the world that matters. I’m not embarrassed to tell you about issues that I have- you are the most understanding person in the world. For real. I guess because you went through it yourself you always seem to know exactly what I’m talking about. You never judge me; you just love me with unconditional love and accept me just for the way I am. My teachers thought I was a troublemaker and my parents had visions of a role model student that I knew would never come true. But you think I’m special just for the way I am. I’m starting to think positively about myself for the first time in my life. You guided me to see how Hashem is really there every second of my life holding my hand and surrounding me with his love. You opened up a new door for me, and I can see that Judaism is not a cage- it is wings on which I can soar. I love being Jewish now- do you get it? I LOVE BEING JEWISH! I never thought I would in a million years. It’s a whole new life that I’m living now, so full of sunshine and joy. I still cry though, for all those kids out there who are still stuck in the darkness, who hate themselves, who don’t know of Hashem’s great love for them. I’ll bet half of them are pretending like I did and some kids probably don’t even realize that their missing anything. I’m not the only one with questions- everybody needs answers. You gave me the gift of being able to love the life I’m living and to love the purpose for which I was created. I wish you could give that gift to every other Jewish teenager in the world. There is just no other gift quite as exquisite.
When I smile now, I feel it down to the bottom of my heart and when I laugh, it’s a real laugh that bubbles up from inside of me. I’m beginning to find peace, with my father in heaven, with my life, and most of all with myself. Nothing changed around me, the problems in my life did not disappear, only I changed inside and that is all that matters. The fantasy land I imagined is open before me. Thanks to you I’m beginning to leave my dream.
I also want to show you the things that gave her strength to start all over again.
If you see someone in pain pls look at her and love her, understand her, encourage her and then you can help more ppl.
pls comment on this since many ppl. will gain from your ideas.
Dear counselor,
I just want to thank you for all you have done for me.I remember those hopeless nights when I would bitterly cry myself to sleep. I wished I would never wake up again. It’s funny, almost. There I was, the girl who had everything- Smart, fun, popular and wacky. But it was all a sham. I lived a double life. On the outside, I was always happy and content, breezing through high school without a care in the world. But on the inside, there was only darkness and despair. I had so many questions; so many things didn’t make sense to me. I hated myself and I hated the whole world. I was so confused. I davened to Hashem to help me make sense of it but the darkness only got stronger and stronger. So I just slowly stopped believing that he was there at all. I despised Judiasm, it was a cage for me, a bunch of torturous rules that I didn’t understand. I was so depressed. And nobody knew, not even my parents. I didn’t trust them to understand. It was just me, struggling alone in that wild tornado. There were times when I really thought I would have a nervous breakdown. In school, I was constantly yelled at. I was always acting up and getting myself into trouble. It got to the point where I was always assumed to be the source of any commotion and was embarrassed in public for things I had never done. They couldn’t see that the crazy things I did were in order to distract myself from the horrible darkness that would creep up on me whenever I was alone with my thoughts. They never realized how starved I was for warmth and love. At night, when I could no longer run from myself, I used to dream of peace, and imagine fantasy lands where I was loved. I dreamed of running away, far from my home and the religion that I so despised. And the next day, I would paste the smile on my face and pretend everything all over again. I must have done a really great job of it, because nobody ever dreamed that beneath my carefree exterior my heart was dying a slow death. Do you know what it’s like to have to pretend day in, day out that you are the happiest girl when inside you are shattered in to a million and one pieces? I gravitated to the internet, immersing myself in it to numb the pain I was in. And so I slid, closer and closer to the point of no return, with nobody to catch me.
You saved my life. You understood the things that nobody else could. I can’t get over how much you care about me. You lead such a busy life but whenever I talk to you, I feel like I’m the only thing in the world that matters. I’m not embarrassed to tell you about issues that I have- you are the most understanding person in the world. For real. I guess because you went through it yourself you always seem to know exactly what I’m talking about. You never judge me; you just love me with unconditional love and accept me just for the way I am. My teachers thought I was a troublemaker and my parents had visions of a role model student that I knew would never come true. But you think I’m special just for the way I am. I’m starting to think positively about myself for the first time in my life. You guided me to see how Hashem is really there every second of my life holding my hand and surrounding me with his love. You opened up a new door for me, and I can see that Judaism is not a cage- it is wings on which I can soar. I love being Jewish now- do you get it? I LOVE BEING JEWISH! I never thought I would in a million years. It’s a whole new life that I’m living now, so full of sunshine and joy. I still cry though, for all those kids out there who are still stuck in the darkness, who hate themselves, who don’t know of Hashem’s great love for them. I’ll bet half of them are pretending like I did and some kids probably don’t even realize that their missing anything. I’m not the only one with questions- everybody needs answers. You gave me the gift of being able to love the life I’m living and to love the purpose for which I was created. I wish you could give that gift to every other Jewish teenager in the world. There is just no other gift quite as exquisite.
When I smile now, I feel it down to the bottom of my heart and when I laugh, it’s a real laugh that bubbles up from inside of me. I’m beginning to find peace, with my father in heaven, with my life, and most of all with myself. Nothing changed around me, the problems in my life did not disappear, only I changed inside and that is all that matters. The fantasy land I imagined is open before me. Thanks to you I’m beginning to leave my dream.
I also want to show you the things that gave her strength to start all over again.
If you see someone in pain pls look at her and love her, understand her, encourage her and then you can help more ppl.
pls comment on this since many ppl. will gain from your ideas.
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