Parshas Naso

The Isha Sota was taken to be proven as guilty or innocent only after she was warned not to associate with a man she had previously been seen alone with.

We see that accusing someone of doing something wrong is a huge responsibility. We must have clear evidence before approaching someone. Additionally, it is so important to give a warning. This gives the person a chance to fix themselves instead of falling at the first sign of misconduct. If given in the right way, the warning can show we believe that the person can do it right next time!

May we be able to show others we believe they can do better instead of jumping at them with accusations the first time they act wrongly!

Parshas Bereishis

The Torah discusses things that cast people in a negative light. It talks about the cheit of Adam and Chava in detail, the story of Kayin and Hevel and ends with Hashem deciding He wants to destroy the world. Why does the Torah write about all these bad things? Shouldn't it only tell us the good things people did? 

We see that all people make mistakes. Mistakes don't make us bad. They make us human. We need to learn from our experiences and do something different next time. Then, the mistake becomes something positive. 

We learn from Adam and Chava about overcoming temptation, from Kayin and Hevel to give the best when you're giving a gift and about the negative effects of jealousy. The aveiros the Torah talks about help us gain important lessons for life!

May we be able to pick ourselves up after we stumble and have the strength to do better next time we are faced with a challenge!

Parshas Shoftim

If someone kills someone unintentionally, it is taken very seriously. They have to run to a city of refuge and stay there so they will not be killed. 

We see that we are held accountable for all our actions, even things we did unintentionally. "I didn't realize" is not a good enough excuse. We have to take extra steps to be super careful not to hurt people by being thoughtless. We should work on ourselves to be more considerate and sensitive to people, especially those who are in a vulnerable position and can be easily hurt. 

May we be able to tune in to other people's feelings and notice what touches them so we can treat them with care and compassion!

Parshas Devarim

Moshe Rabbeinu began giving mussar to BY before he died. He spoke to them about the mistakes of their parents, even though they weren't the nation that actually committed those sins. 

We see that we have a responsibility to look back at the past and learn from the mistakes of those who came before us. If we know someone tried something in the past and it didn't work, we should come up with a new plan so we can succeed. We can't expect to try the same thing and see different results. In order for change to happen, we need to look at the past, learn from mistakes others made and be committed to trying new ideas.

May we be able to have an open mind and heart and succeed at making changes in ourselves and in situations around us!

Mistakes

The following two questions were submitted anonymously using the form on the right.

Q: How is a person supposed to deal with embarrassment with a mistake that person makes but cant stop and is constantly getting embarrassed by what they did every time that person mentions it or brings it up?

A: I'll repeat it the way I remember hearing from someone I look up to and respect. People tend to think that mistakes are a bad thing. But that's not true. Mistakes are only bad if you don't learn from them. Mistakes are actually good - if you take a lesson from whatever you did and use it to change or grow in the future or to make sure that specific situation doesn't happen again.

For example, if you were trying to bake a cake while you were on the phone with a friend and you skipped out one ingredient, you may not be happy with the results of that cake because your forgot to put in the sugar (!) but this was a mistake that you will make sure not to repeat. If you learn from this experience and decide not to talk on the phone again when you are baking because it disturbs your concentration and then your cake wont come out good, then that mistake is a good thing! You took a lesson from it and from now on, your cakes will come out delicious because you will be able to focus on what you are doing without getting distracted!

The first thing you need to do is see if you can take a practical lesson from whatever happened and make sure you can do something to be more careful in the future.

If a friend or family member keeps reminding you about the incident and that makes you embarrassed, try to talk it over with her. Tell her straight out: it makes me uncomfortable when you constantly bring up that mistake I made. I know I should have been more careful and I botched up the cake and we didn't have dessert for shabbos but next time I will make sure I am not distracted by other things and then it will work out perfectly!

It is very important to be able to communicate openly about how you feel about certain things to those who are close to you so that they do not hurt your feelings by reminding you about past mistakes.

I know the example I gave is a petty one but I hope you can apply it to the mistake you made and work it out in a way that makes both you and the one who reminds you about it happy at the end of the conversation.

If the mistake you made is something wrong morally, ethically or is a bad deed - an aveira, you need to go one step further. You will need to do teshuva - verbalize the aveira, sincerely feel bad about what you did, and take upon yourself to work on that action so that you don't do it again. Chaya Sara wrote a great post a while back called how to do teshuva.

And don't think teshuva is only for Elul, it can and should be done as close as possible to the time the aveira was done - this way you are showing Hashem that you really feel bad about what you did and you sincerely want to change for the better! And then when Elul comes around, you'll have less things to fix!

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Q: How should we react when we find out that a parent made big mistakes?

A: Know that parents are also human beings. All people make mistakes. It says that there is no such thing as a person who never erred or who never sinned (I'm not sure about the exact wording but it's something like Ein tzaddik ba'aretz asher ya'aseh tov v'lo yecheteh.)
Your parents are normal - and just like everyone else in the world they made a mistake.

Depending on what happened next and the effect of their mistake, you may want to find a way to speak to them respectfully about it or get someone to be a go-between to help find a way to fix it.

I don't know what you mean by big mistakes so I can't say much more.

The only thing I have to add is that whatever the thing is that your parent did that looks wrong in your eyes should not diminish your respect for them. You may not know their full thought process behind what they did, they may have expected different results based on the decision they made, but know that parents always want to do whatever is best for their children - and THAT is enough of a reason to continue to love and respect them.
Their emotions may get in the way of their decisions, they may have done something you view as wrong but you cannot know everything they were thinking when they did whatever they did.

Continue appreciating all the good things your parents do for you and most importantly, remember that they are human beings too and you cannot expect perfection from anyone.

I hope this helps both of you. I would really appreciate if the person/people who asked these two questions would comment and let me know if this helped you and if you still have any thoughts or questions about what I wrote.