Parshas Pekudei

The Kohen Gadol wore a Tzitz on his forehead with the words "Kodesh LaHashem" engraved on it. He was always reminded that he had a purpose, his job was holy and He was standing before Hashem.

We don't wear special garments with holy words that remind us of our purpose in this world. But if we woke up this morning, that means Hashem has an important role for us to fill that no one else in the world can complete. If we can think this thought, even once a day, we can inject a sense of meaning into our existence. And if we want to take it one step further, we can remind ourselves to put Hashem before us and that He is watching us, so we act properly no matter who is around to see us.

May we be able to keep that godly image before our eyes so we resist temptation and make a kiddush Hashem wherever we go! 

Parshas Ha'azinu

The Torah tells us, "Hatzur tamim pa'alo"- Hashem's actions are perfect and whole. But "banav mumam"- His children are blemished.

When we see or experience people acting wrongly, we should not question Hashem. He is perfect and everything He does is for the good. It's us people who are imperfect and have to fix ourselves. Hashem gives us free will to act in ways that we desire. If we would only act positively, we wouldn't have free will. It's the fact that we can act wrongly that allows us to choose between good and evil. Our negative actions are not a reflection of Hashem's middos, they're a reflection of our own!

May we be able to make good choices and make a kiddush Hashem wherever we go so that we impact people positively and elevate our souls to higher levels of giving and kindness!

Middo Are the Way we Act...

A couple of weeks ago, I gave someone a ride and she shared the following story with me.

The person in this story is just a "regular" Jewish person. Not someone anyone knows as exceptional. Though what he did was exceptional. And inspiring.

This woman takes two buses every day to get to her job. Every day she noticed a man who took the same route as her...But his face was in his tehillim throughout the entire ride. They never exchanged as much as a hello. When they'd get off the first bus, she'd get off in the back and he in the front. They waited at the same stop for the next bus and he'd be saying tehillim the whole time. She was sure he never noticed her. One day, as she came off the first bus, she saw that the next bus already pulled up and was waiting for her! She couldn't believe it. This guy, who never even looked at her and she was sure didn't know she existed, had the bus wait for her to get on. 

THAT is called middos. 

Looking out for other people, doing chessed quietly, helping others in small ways. All these little acts are so big. Why? Because it shows what is going on in the person's mind. They aren't just doing one isolated nice act of kindness. It shows that this person is on the lookout for good deeds. Doing chessed is part of their being.

It seemed like this man didn't pay attention to the woman who took the same route as her each day. He was busy saying tehillim. (No, he wasn't busy on his phone. Is this a rarity?) But somewhere, in the corner of his eye, in the corner of his soul, he noticed and grabbed the opportunity to do a tiny chessed. Which is huge on so many levels. He made a kiddush Hashem, he saved her from the frustration of juust missing a bus and having to wait for another one, he saved her time and gave her an inner peace-menuchas hanefesh along with a wonderful feeling inside...knowing she belongs to such an incredible nation, the Jewish People.

May this story serve as an inspiration that yes, there are good people out there, people who are simply good and looking out to spread the light of the Jewish People. And may this story inspire us to look out for other people, notice what they need and help them.

May opportunities for acts of kindness come your way and may you be able to be on the giving end of chessed always!

Lessons on Tzora'as

In this past weeks parsha, Tazria-Metzorah, we read about tzora'as and what happened when someone spoke lashon hara.I want to share the following lessons with you.

Tzora'as didn't start off on the skin. At first, it went onto the person's house, then their clothing and then their skin.

We see from this that Hashem has rachmanus on a person. When He wants to wake someone up to do teshuva, He starts with something a little further away. If the person doesn't take the message, then He will come with a message closer to home.

Wake up calls aren't easy. We are put into this world to become better people and improve our middos. Let us try to take messages to change for the better from things going on around us that are further away...because unfortunately nowadays there are plenty of messages we can take by looking at the things going on around us...before it gets closer to home.

We also see from this that externals are not so important. What matters is not a fancy house or clothes but how you elevate what you have and do mitzvos with them. 

It used to bother me (and it still does, to some extent) when I'd see mothers walking around looking like shlumps. It is no mitzvah to look like you just rolled out of bed and are having such a hard time coping with your little children. Yes, it's a challenge to take care of these little ones. But it's a gift. It's not always easy but which mother would ever give up any one of her children? Yes, it's tiring. Yes, it's a job-and many times it's a hard job. But at the same time, when you walk outside you need to look like a person.

I feel like it is a kiddush Hashem when a mother with little kids looks put together. People look. And people talk. Whether you like it or not people do pass judgement when they see you-and when they see someone who looks like she has it all going good and fine it is a simple kiddush Hashem. 

Some people think a kiddush Hashem is only around non-Jews but that's not true. Every person walking down the street is a representation of our nation. Jewish people are looking too-and when they see you, they should feel lucky to be part of a nation like ours, not embarrassed or ashamed.

I was recently in a kiddie gym in Lakewood. When I saw the way the entrance fee worked, I said to myself, only in Lakewood can you see something so nice. There was a little pushka kind of box right inside the room with a sign on it. I took a picture of the sign because I was so in awe when I saw it. It said: "If paying by credit card please put the credit card number, exp number, number of children that played, phone number and name on card in the box..." There was no one there collecting the money or checking if each person who came in paid. There was trust. Because we are all part of the Jewish nation. It made me feel so special and so lucky to be part of a nation like ours! And when I watched each of the parents come in and stick the right amount of money into the little pushka for their kids, it gave me that feeling all over again.

Who ever thought a kiddush Hashem could be that simple?

Yes, doing the right thing, dressing in a way that is respectable, walking outside with a cheerful demeanor...all these things make people look at Jewish people with a positive light. And that is how you can elevate externals to a higher level.

Thinking About Others

There's something called being a mentch. If you were asked to define that word to someone who doesn't know what it means, I'm not sure how you could describe it well. I think there are a lot of ingredients that go into the recipe of a person who is a mentch but one word that captures it well is: thoughtfulness. Thinking about another person.

My mother always taught us that when we go shopping, we should try not to bring shopping bags with a competitors store into that store. Now, this isn't always practical but we tried to do it a lot. Today, I had to make a return at a certain store. Instead of using shopping bags from a competing store, I took regular black bags and put my things inside. This way, I would be able to return those items without the owner of the store feeling bad-even for a second.

I was driving down the street and had to make a turn. I could have rushed before the pedestrian crossing the street would reach the middle of the street but I waited an extra second, waved and smiled as she crossed the street. The smile on her face only got bigger. For a millisecond, she felt important, like she came first. It was a non-Jew and it was a Kiddush Hashem. This has happened to me many times.

Sometimes it's the simple little things that go far. It's the small things that show that you are thinking of others that mean a lot.

We are now in the days of sefiras ha'omer and we are counting up towards receiving the Torah. The Torah is our guide. In it are the answers to all of our questions. And we know it says, "derech eretz kadma l'Torah". I haven't checked it up but the way I always learned it, the simple meaning of this is: before you learn all the deep intricacies of the pesukim (and Torah is very deep lemme tell you), you need to have derech eretz.

What is derech eretz?

In elementary school (and maybe also in high school if the class misbehaves a lot), the teachers preach about having respect, behaving properly and not acting out of line.

But I think it all boils down to that one word: thoughtfulness.

We need to focus on thinking about the other person, really thinking about what the other person needs, dislikes, what makes them uncomfortable and what makes them tick.

In elementary school, if the students are really thinking about the teacher standing in the front of the classroom, they would never dream of misbehaving. Here is someone who spent a lot of time and energy preparing a lesson that could be given over in the best and clearest way possible. How could they do anything but cooperate? (Because kids will be kids...and they aren't thinking along those lines.)

As a person grows up and matures, they learn to see things from the other person's perspective. But this takes work. A lot of work. Thinking about someone else means getting rid of your self, being less self-centered and trying to make other people's lives more pleasant. It can start with little things and it goes to bigger things.

As we count up to the days leading to receiving the most precious gift of all-the Torah, lets remember that before we can take it and call it our own, before we can accept it and follow it, we need to focus on this: being a mentch and being thoughtful. The one important thing that we need to concentrate on during this time is how we treat other people.

The reason why we do not listen to music during sefira (and keep to other halachos of aveilus) is because we are mourning the students of Rebbi Akiva who died during this time. The reason they died? Lo Nahagu Kavod Zeh Lazeh-they did not treat each other with respect. There you have it. Derech Eretz Kadmah L'Torah. During this time between Pesach and Shavuos is when we mourn their death-we need to remember as we prepare to receive the Torah that thoughtfulness, being a mentch, treating other people properly is a prerequisite to kaballas haTorah.

May you all be able to utilize this time before kaballas hatorah to the fullest, looking out for what other people need, enhancing your bein adam l'chaveiro so that you can accept the Torah with an open heart and keep to it always.

What a kiddush hashem!! A football player became a erliche yid wowow!!!!

Focusing on Doing Good During Elul

What things should you do during Elul to make this month a productive and accomplishing month, so that you can look back at the end of the month and say, "Wow! I really changed!"?

The thing to focus on now is asay tov - doing good things before you focus on the sur may'ra - refraining from doing bad. This means that you should concentrate on doing all the good things you are doing each day and just add a little something to make it even better.
(From: Leket Reshimos on Elul - R' Nosson Meir Vachtfogel)

Here are some suggestions:

When it comes to davening, you can try to daven with a little bit more kavannah than usual. Look into your siddur. Say the words a drop slower than usual. Say them loud enough so that you can hear each word that you say. Sing a song that will inspire you before you start the next part.

If you are walking down the street or in the grocery store, look out for opportunities to help other people. Hold the door open for others on your way in and out. Offer to help someone find a specific item. Smile at the woman ringing up your purchases. Help someone carry their bags to the car. Put your shopping cart back where it belongs. Do these things with a smile.

Help your mother out cheerfully. Ask her what she needs before she asks you. Or better yet, do it without being asked. Be extra kind to your siblings. Speak softly even when they are getting you annoyed.

Walk into work every day for the next week (or more, if that's possible) with a smile. Say good morning with a happy tone of voice and facial expression to your coworkers. Try to be extra pleasant when talking on the phone to clients and take the extra moment to think about them and what you can do to help them in the best way possible.

Before you eat a meal, be it breakfast, lunch or supper, look at the food you are about to eat and thank Hashem in your heart for giving you so much bounty-so many choices of foods, so many colors and tastes. Then, after you thought about it for a minute, go ahead and make the proper bracha. Putting those extra seconds of thought into it just before you eat your meal can help you have real kavannah when you make a bracha.

On your way out of the bathroom, think for a minute about how lucky you are to be able to go by yourself, without the help of anyone, without needing machines hooked up to your body. The fact that your body works so well on it's own is a real, true miracle! So take those extra 20 seconds to say the words of asher yatzar slowly and carefully!!

Before you leave your house in the morning, look in the mirror and ask yourself do I look good? What does good mean? YOU and only you can define that word.
Are you neat and put together? Are you walking outside and making a kiddush Hashem with the way you dress, the way you walk and the way you talk?

Throughout your day, look out for ways to do little things - little things that will make a big difference in the lives of other people and in your own life. Now that we are in Elul, it is time for you to focus on being proactive, on doing as many positive mitzvos as possible so that you can tip the scales in your favor. Hashem is here! He is close to us! He wants to give us all the brachos and good things!

It's up to you to make it happen. By concentrating on how you can improve the things you are doing one little notch, one level higher, you can make this year a good one.

Making a Kiddush Hashem

What is the meaning of making a Kiddush Hashem? Some people think that a Kiddush Hashem is only when they do something that makes non-Jews say, “Wow! Look at the Jewish people! They are so special!” While this is a part of it, there is another part that is just as important, if not even more important.

A Kiddush Hashem is also in front of Jews, frum Jews - when someone does something that makes another Jew say, “Wow!! Look at what s/he did! I feel so lucky to be part of such a special nation!! I am so proud that I am a Jew!!”

We all have opportunities and chances to do something that will make someone else feel special about the fact that they are a Jew-when they see what we just did. Just by acting in a way that shows other people that you care, going an extra step to help someone out, any little thing that you do can really make an impression on someone else – and it’s not limited to non-Jews or Jews who are not religious-you can make a Kiddush Hashem. Here’s an example.

Today, I was in a clothing store and knocked something off the rack. I bent down, picked up the sweater, put it back onto the hanger and continued going. I don’t know if anyone saw what I did – and I was only doing it because it is mentchlach. It is the right thing to do. I was not doing it so someone should cheer at me and say, “wow!” and it was no big deal at all but I do know that if I would have just continued walking and left the sweater on the floor and someone would have seen that, they would get a bad taste in their mouth. It doesn’t matter if it was the non-Jewish woman refolding the shirts a few feet away from me. And it doesn’t matter if it would be the frum lady waiting on line to pay for her purchases. The point is that I made sure that I did the right thing – and if anyone would see that, they wouldn’t turn away with disgust (ugh, she just walked by and didn’t stop to pick it up? Where is her manners?!)

It is important to remember that whenever you walk outside, people are watching you. The frum Jews, the non-frum Jews, the non-Jews. Everyone is watching you. When you walk around in a skirt and long sleeves, keep in mind that you are representing our nation. So smile at the cashier and say, “How are you?” or hold the door open for someone who is walking behind you or offer to help someone who is carrying a whole bunch of bags.

There are many examples of things that make other people pass you smile and feel special that they are a Jew.
When I was younger, my mother showed us just a few examples of going the extra step to help other people. Whenever she saw someone walking down the street carrying a bunch of shopping bags, she would run over and help them and she'd even walk further than her destination, just because the other person was carrying bags that were too heavy for them to do alone. Or if she'd see a mother going up the stairs with her carriage, she'd run over and help the person up the stairs. All these things may seem little, but they are really huge because by doing small acts of kindness and helping others, she is giving that person a special feeling of, "Wow! I am so lucky to be part of such a nation who truly cares about other people."

There are loads and loads of examples of things that we can do to make a Kiddush Hashem and show the world what a wonderful nation we are. Anyone have their own examples or stories they want to share?