The Most Meaningful Birthday

Today was my hebrew birthday. 

It's a different birthday than other years. 

I think back to the time when I used to be able to feel something different on this special day. It used to feel meaningful. I'd wake up in the morning and I'd feel like I can imbue meaning and spirituality into my day.

I would daven the full davening, slowly and with concentration.

Today, I only davened the brachos. I'm lucky to be at this stage. A mommy, and a busy one too. My daughter was home; her school has mid winter break. She needed me and my attention, I had to put my siddur away.

I thought back to the birthday I celebrated while I was in seminary in Eretz Yisroel. It was so meaningful. So spiritual. Such an uplifting day. I heard from other girls that it's a nice thing to say the whole tehillim on your birthday. So when I saw my birthday fell out on shabbos that year, I thought I might be able to do it. And I pushed myself to do it. 

I spent the shabbos of my hebrew birthday in Yerushalayim that week, not too far from the kosel, and I went to the kosel on shabbos and was able to complete the entire sefer tehillim in one day. At the holiest place in the holiest city.

It was a spiritually uplifting experience. That moment when I closed my tehillim and stepped away from those holy stones, feeling like I just accomplished something big...It was special. 

And now? I can't daven like I used to. I can't even daven shemona esrei! My kids need to be watched at all times and if I so much as try to pull out a siddur to entertain the thought of a meaningful prayer, they make sure to put me in my place. Either it's a fight or a needy kvetch, but it's always something.

I remember the time we were staying at my Grandmother's new apartment and I decided to take out a siddur and daven an amidah prayer. All was quiet so I thought, why not? I was up to magen avraham when I felt a hard bang on my head. My son had found a metal pole that was in the door to the backyard (usually put there to keep the kids from opening the door, but you can't put anything past my kids!) And he hit me with it. I don't know if he realized what he was doing, but I got the message. Loud and clear. This was not the time to try to daven. I never had to be "hit over the head" again to understand my role. I need to take care of my kids and be there for them, not with a siddur but always with a prayer on my lips, in my own language.

It took time for me to acknowledge and accept that this is my tafkid right now. Davening with a siddur is not for now. Now my job is to look after my children, Hashem's children, and to make sure they are safe, happy and healthy. 

I can still daven. And I do. I just can't take out a siddur and rely on the ancient verses established by the anshei kneses hagedolah.

I can talk to Hashem from my heart. And I do. Throughout my day, I can ask Him for the things I need and thank Him for the things He gives me.

I know that as a Jewish woman, my job is to uplift the physical to a spiritual level. That's my role. I taught that to my students and I continue to teach it to myself. To remind myself.

When my sister told me that she met someone who davens for each of her children as she folds their laundry, I thought, "I love that! That is such a powerful yet simple way to elevate a mundane job into something more meaningful."
And I try to remember to do it too.

(And I forget half the time :) Cuz I'm a mommy and my brain is on overload.)

So this year, although it may not be as spiritually elevating for me, I can accept that this is exactly where Hashem put me and this is my role. No, not to daven and say tehillim all day. I can start each day with a small prayer, and then I move on to the regular tasks of a mother. And I can give my kids a good time, help them learn how to interact with others in a peaceful way, making a kiddush Hashem wherever we go. I can imbue them with a love for Hashem, the Torah and His mitzvos. 

And I can give my readers a bracha :). It may not be as long as my old ones, because bh I'm too busy for that, but it's still my wishes for you. 

May you be able to find fulfilment in whatever you do and may you be able to uplift every physical activity to something more meaningful. May you feel at peace with your role but never fully at peace with yourself, always climbing higher and setting new goals for your life. May you be able to strengthen your emunah in Hashem and believe that every single thing He does is for the good.

And most importantly, may you have health and strength to be able to live your life to the fullest.

Always

Why?

Why do I always think about you…write about you…and talk about you?

Not just when it’s your yartzeit or when we bench Rosh Chodesh Tammuz and I feel it in the air. That it’s coming closer again.

All the time.

Whenever I had to write an assignment, it went back to…Shalom. When I had to write a paper for college, it was on the topic of…Shalom. When I had to give a five minute presentation to my class-sociology of all topics, it also was about you, Shalom.

I talked about the color orange and how it is a unique blend of two colors. I explained that orange combines the passion of red with the warmth of yellow.

I spoke about the research done and that orange represents strength during difficult times. And then I said that it was your favorite color.

It’s mine too.

What did it mean for you?

It was THE color that spoke for the Jewish residents of Gaza who were expelled from their homes. The orange ribbons that adorned your bunkhouse that summer were symbolic; they showed that you cared about these unfortunate Jews. Your heart was with them in the summer of 2005. You hoped and prayed the expulsion of Gush Katif would not take place.

You cared about them-even though they didn’t look like you on the outside.

Shalom a”h, the yeshiva boy who always looked neat, in a clean white shirt, black hat and jacket, cared for the Jewish people in Gush Katif. Even though they dressed in shorts and colored shirts and wore sandals and those famous orange t-shirts.

You didn’t care about the outside. You cared about them because they were yidden-our brothers and sisters.

Did you know how much we cared about you? Did you know how much losing you would affect us? It still affects us…even twelve years later.

We will never forget you.

And maybe that’s why, no matter where I go or what place I’m in, it always goes back to…Shalom.

I write about you.

I talk about you.

I think about you.

I care about you.

I love you…and I miss you.

And I’ll never, ever forget you.

I make sure of that by always bringing you up. When I have an opportunity to inspire others by the special stories about you, I share them. And they are touched and moved.

This past Shabbos, I was away with my family and overheard another woman talking about her birthday. When we got together for a Pirkei Avos shiur, she seemed to be somewhat sad about her age and shared some of her feelings with the women gathered there. I couldn’t resist. I opened my mouth and I spoke.

I spoke about how lucky she is to be able to celebrate another birthday and that not everybody gets to reach her age. R’ Avigdor Miller zt”l says that every birthday is a reason to celebrate and we should thank Hashem for another year of life.

And then I told my story…how my brother only lived until the age of fifteen and was niftar two weeks before his sixteenth birthday.

I talked about how it happened and I talked about (some of) the things that made you special.

I said how you cleaned up on motzei Shabbos nachamu after the dancing was over so that everyone would come to a clean, orderly bais medrash the following morning-only a few hours after you went to sleep.

I talked about how you did chessed in a quiet way, asking me to send staples for a staple gun after you overheard another kid in camp saying he needed one.

I was reminded of the time you broke your hand when you fell off your bike so you wouldn’t hurt a bird that was in your way. And I shared that story too…with the lesson of how we should be careful with the feelings of others.

There were plenty of stories I didn’t share.

But talking about you left a mark on a group of women who never met you.

Your life continues to inspire other people, even though you are no longer here.

And that is what I hope to continue to do. To inspire. To motivate. To encourage others that they too can achieve greatness-through the little things they do.

It’s the twelfth yartzeit but somehow, it’s hard to believe twelve years have passed since you were here in this world.

A lot happened in these twelve years.

Yet, thinking about you makes me feel like I just saw you. I just waved goodbye to you on that last visiting day we spent together.

The memories are so vivid; they are so clear.

So, while I wish you were still here with all of us, I keep reminding myself that this is all part of Hashem’s plan. A plan we cannot understand.

But it’s for the best.

That, along with the fact that the ripples of your life continue to spread, is what gives me comfort.

L’ilui nishmas Shalom ben Chaim Nosson

She's a Gift

It's the seventh night of Chanukah.

Four years ago, on this day, I gave birth to a delicious little girl. We named her Chaya Gitty and she already personifies her name. Full of life and full of goodness, I sometimes wonder if she can be too good. But then I see her acting like a regular, normal, healthy little girl, doing things girls her age should do and I smile inside. She is a gift.

Every child is a gift. It sometimes passes us by and we are too busy to take the time to notice it, but on this day I take a few minutes to think and to be grateful. Grateful to Hashem for giving us such a precious little girl who lights up our home with so much sunshine and joy.

The cute things this little girl says, the way she shares and plays, the amount she absorbs and understands, the purity and innocence of her young heart, every bit of it is something to be grateful for.

And she's so happy. So simply happy. What does it take to make a little girl excited? A new doll. And not a huge 18 inch American Girl Doll (even though she'd be thrilled til the sky to have one of those!), just a teeny little Polly Pocket or a small six inch doll. She doesn't expect much and she's happy with the little things she gets.

What do we expect? 

What happens when things don't turn out the way we anticipated?

Do we pull through, coming out stronger? Or do we succumb because it's just too hard and our dreams have been shattered?

We all have dreams. 

We plan our lives the way we expect them to turn out.

And sometimes, sometimes life just doesn't follow that script. The imaginary life we thought we'd live...with all the hopes and dreams packed into one little fairy tale...turns out to be so different...so much more challenging...yet so much more real.

It's a chance for us to become more real. To discover our essence. To appreciate our strengths and work through our weaknesses so we can become a different person. Stronger, better, more connected...and more whole.

It's okay to wish, to dream...and even to expect to some degree.

But we have to know that Hashem has a better plan. 

Even if it doesn't seem all that wonderful in the moment. 

He has a reason, there is a purpose, and one day, we may even get a glimpse, a little peek, a little bit of understanding. 

It takes work to accept, to let go of the dreams and to create a new reality with the life and challenges we have been given.

But at the end, we will feel happy inside.

To my sweet and precious little girl, I continue to daven and hope that your life continue to be this happy. That you keep that innocence and purity with you for a long time. That you keep being that good little girl, with the right balance of giving and sharing but standing up for yourself when you need to. That the passion you have for doing mitzvos, davening and learning more never leave you...and that you follow on the right path with love every day of your life.

Hashem, I thank you for giving us such a wonderful gift. I can't imagine my family without my little Chaya Gitty in it. And on her birthday, as I take the time to reflect on how lucky I am to have her in our family, I ask you to please give me the strength to take care of her (and all of them), the ability to make the right decisions, and the knowledge I need to be mechanech all of my children to stay on this beautiful and special path we have started on. Let my home be infused with spirituality, positivity and happiness every single day.

Happy Birthday, CG! 

And Happy Chanukah to all!

Breaking Habits

Today, vav Shvat is my hebrew birthday.

Last year, on my birthday, I took something really small upon myself. I wanted to break a habit. I wanted to stop doing something I've been doing for years. I started on my birthday and continued with my progress daily. The first few weeks were hard. I would keep slipping up...and every time I'd catch myself I'd remind myself to stop.

With time, I would slip less and less often. I'm not sure exactly how much time it took, but by  now I can say that I officially broke that habit. And it's a good feeling.

Growth in Judaism must be done in baby steps. We hear it all the time. The trick is to act on it. To take that first step towards change.

In her book, The Committed Marriage, Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis talks about the concept of shteiging, of constantly developing ourselves and our characters and growing in our relationships. She quotes her husband who explained this concept so well. If you were told to read the phone book and remember all the names, addresses and telephone numbers, you would give up immediately. However, if someone asked you to memorize just one name, one address, and one telephone number every day, you would do it easily and you would be able to retain that information.

The same is true with changing ourselves, our habits and our personalities. If we thought about the person we want to become one day-the ideal perfect person we want to be-it would be too overwhelming and we would probably give up before we even started. On the other hand, if we were to make one little change, take on one little mitzvah, work on one bad habit and do it one day at a time, we would be able to master it. We would be able to make real changes. The trick is to do it slowly. One day at a time, one thing at a time.

On my birthday, I realize that change can happen. I look back at this past year and I see how much has changed, how much I have changed. When I try to look ahead, I feel overwhelmed. The coming year is full of uncertainties and unknowns. I daven to Hashem to help me become a better me, the me that I am meant to be...and I know that I will have to take the steps to change slowly and I can only do it with His help.

My birthday is also a time for me to reflect on the brachos Hashem has given me and to thank Him for them. Hashem has given me the greatest gift of all...the gift of life, the gift of a family, my precious children. They are all intertwined. I don't know where I would be without my adorable little kids who keep me going, push my buttons, make me laugh and cry and overwhelm me with stress and gratitude and everything in between. I am so grateful for them. 

I have learned so many lessons this year. Hashem helped me strengthen my trust in Him in so many ways. Although I don't ask for challenges, when I look back and see how they have affected me, I can appreciate the growth and change that came about because of them. No, I don't want any more tests. But I know that I am not the same person I was a year ago...and that is because of the life Hashem is playing out for me...and because He is strengthening me and helping me every step of the way. I believe in Him more, I trust in Him more and (I hope) I talk to Him and connect to Him even more than before.

On my birthday, I like to give my readers a bracha. So...here goes :)

May each of you be able to zero in on the things you know you need to change and take small and steady steps to be able to break bad habits and start good ones. May you feel Hashem at your side, helping you become the person you want to be. When you feel your strength waning, may you feel Hashem strengthening you-because change is harddd...and even with small steps, you will still need His help to keep at it.

May you be able to notice and appreciate the good you have been given and may Hashem continue to shower you with so much bracha and good things. He should keep each of you happy and healthy always and give you many reasons to keep thanking Him.

Almost every person is awaiting a yeshuah of some sort. Whatever it is that you are waiting for, whether it is health, parnassah, a shidduch, a job, children, shalom bayis, nachas from children, clarity in your purpose in life, answers to tough questions, an end to stressful times, family harmony and peace, Hashem should send that yeshuah so soon. Keep davening for the things you are waiting for. May that connection to Hashem get stronger and not weaker, may that bond never be severed and may you be able to see Hashem answer your tefillos in the best possible way.

And...as easy as it is for me to give out brachos, that's how easily Hashem should make them happen! It's easier for Him to make those changes than it is for me to type up this blog post! :-)

Birthday wishes, brachos, cake, chocolate and ice cream...I take all of those! :-)

Pink Dreidel

My daughter just celebrated her 3rd birthday. 

It's so cute how little kids think. When we made her birthday together with one of the many family Chanukah parties, she was a little confused. She woke up the following morning, and the next one too, with the same question. She wanted to know, "Is it still my birthday?"

She is a lucky girl. She's happy, she's healthy, she's adorable ke"h, she is smart...and she got a nice, big birthday present from her mommy and tatty.

But when we asked her what she wanted for her birthday present, her answer was simple. "I want a pink pwesent." That's all she needed. A pwesent that's pink. And when she got a pink dreidel from her Zaidy on Chanukah, she was so thrilled. She didn't need more than that.

My little girl is so not high maintenance. She is happy with a little pink dreidel.

And what about us? What does it take to make us happy? 

What are our dreams and wishes? 

If someone asked you, what can I buy you for your birthday? Or as a thank you gift? What would you want?

Are you happy with the things you already have?

Are you satisfied with the many gifts you have been given? 

We are so blessed. Our generation has been given so so much more than the previous generations. Our necessities were luxuries in the past. Heating in the winter, air conditioning in the summer, coats, spring jackets, rain jackets...and look at the standard teenager's wardrobe! One shabbos outfit? Who ever heard of that in today's times? 

We have shopping centers, huge supermarkets with everything you can ever imagine, every brand, color and variation of the same item (check out the different flavors of chocolate chips and you'll see what I mean :-)), avenues filled with stores of all types (think: 13th Avenue, 18th Avenue, Avenue J, Kings Highway...and that's just some of Brooklyn !)...there is so much that Hashem has given us.

We truly are lucky. 

It says in Pirkei Avos, "Aizehu ashir, hasame'ach bichelko." Who is rich? He who is happy with his portion.

Are you happy with the things you have? Or are you always looking for more? More clothing, more accessories, nicer, fancier, better, bigger, more exotic...and...why? Why do you want it?

My little girl is satisfied with a little pink dreidel.

My dear daughter, your birthday has passed. My bracha to you is that you should continue to have such simple expectations from your parents. You should always be happy with the little things you have. Your needs should always be met...and your wants should stay as plain and simple as the little pink dreidel that made you so happy on your 3rd birthday.

Happy (belated) Birthday, CG!

A Birthday Message

Today, Vav Shevat, is my hebrew birthday.

There are so many thoughts and feelings that come to me in this special day.

For me, my birthday is a time when I remind myself about how much I have to be grateful for. It's a day where I think about the good I have been given and thank Hashem for it.

When it comes to thanking Hashem, a lot of it boils down to the little details. It's all those little things that make me realize just how blessed I am, just how much good I have in my life and just how much I should show Him that I appreciate all of it.

I think about my precious, healthy little children, the adorable things they say, the joy they bring into my life...and I am grateful.

I think about how SB told me he had "corn on the bone" for lunch...and I smile...and I laugh. :-D The kid is too cute!

I watch CG play with her dolls, talk to them, diaper them, feed them and take care of them and my heart bursts with joy and appreciation to Hashem for giving me such a gift.

When I see Moishy crawling around the house faster than the speed of lightening and I hear him say his first few words, I am in awe of how this little teeny thing can do so much, can understand and communicate without very many words...and I am grateful.

I observe the way my children interact with each other, run to help each other and play together. They are learning so much, growing, changing and maturing each and every day. And my heart expands...until it can almost burst from thanks and appreciation.

I remember who gave me these priceless blessings, these adorable children, who take over my life and my heart. Who teach me to work on my patience, to be more easygoing, to let things slide...and to understand that they have reasons for their behavior and misbehavior...and who teach me to work on myself to be a better parent.

Kol zeman shehaneshama b'kirbi, modeh ani l'fanecha.

People say time moves fast. And that you turn around and wonder where all that time went. I don't feel it. My life is crawling. Each day is long. Sometimes, I look back and think to myself, that was just last week? It feels like ages ago!

But...I am alive. And I am grateful for each and every day I am given, each day that is filled with the joy and love and happiness I get from my children.

Each birthday brings me closer to the day...to the time of...v'atah asid lit'lah mimeni. I have no idea when that time will be.

Is it scary? Yes. But...don't I need that reminder? Isn't that something that's safe to think about (at least) once a year?

Kol zeman shehaneshama b'kirbi, modeh ani l'fanecha. As long as I am alive, I will be thankful.

Each birthday is an opportunity for me...and opportunity for reflection...for introspection...and for connection. A chance to look inside myself and see where I want to be and to take steps to get there. It's easy to forget but I have one day a year that I can make a little more spiritually elevated. Today can be a little different. It's not a special day for everyone else; it is my day. My day to make special...amidst the mundane, in middle of the regular routine...and use that day to the fullest, to start making positive changes, and to take steps in the right direction.

I am still young. I still feel so young. There is still so much I still have to do, so much I want to accomplish!

So...I will daven. I will ask the Only One who can help me for strength and ability to make those changes, to become better...and for the time I need to do it.

How could I write a birthday post without ending with a bracha? :-)

But first...I need to say this.
To all my readers out there, thank you. Thank you for your comments! They keep me going and make me realize that someone out there is reading and appreciating (or questioning :-) ) what I write. I enjoy the discussions and the feedback...and I want to thank you for it. Knowing that the inspiration from this blog is spreading is one of the things that keeps me writing and sharing my thoughts with you.

My bracha to you is that you should always feel Hashem close to you, at your side. You should feel like those lines of communication are always open and you should be able to express yourself to Him at all times. When you can't find any reason to open up, think of one thing you are grateful for...and thank Him for it. Hashem gives us so much bounty! Variety of food, colors, tastes and so many simple pleasures. Say thank you!

May each one of you who comes here for inspiration always feel that inner desire to grow and become better...and may you have the strength to overcome your challenges in the difficult times and use the good times to connect to Hashem too, through gratitude and appreciation for all He does for you!

May you and those close to you have yeshuos in every area-shidduchim, parnassah and health. Those of you who know people struggling with their yiddishkeit should know-keep davening for those precious neshamos-and may you see them come back, finding their own path, with a passion and love for Judaism and for Hashem.

I usually don't have a hard time expressing my brachos to you. My last bracha is...that just as easily as I expressed all this, that's how easily and smoothly Hashem should fulfill all that I wish for all of you!

My Big-Little Boy

Yesterday was a big day. Shalom Baruch had his upsherin.

It's a transformation. Suddenly, the long pony is gone, the curls are gone and all that's left is a cute little boy (with the same fun, wild personality) with a whole different look. He starts to look like...an adult. His face still has those little baby features but now I start to expect so much of him. It looks like he went through such a major change...until he has his first tantrum. Then I realize, he's still the same little kid he was before his haircut.

I look at my big little boy and I think about so many things. I think about my hopes and dreams for my oldest child. I think about the role model I want him to be for his younger siblings and how I hope he will show them the right way. The oldest child has a certain responsibility. His siblings look up to him and want to follow what he does. When the oldest child is good, does what is right, listens to and respects his parents, his younger siblings (hopefully) follow in his lead. I hope my son will be the proper role model for his siblings.

I look at that yarmulka he wears so proudly and I hope he will always be so proud of the yarmulka on his head. I hope he will never, ever want to take it off. That he will love Judaism...each and every part of it. That his heart will be filled with love AND fear of his creator. A yarmulka is meant to be a reminder...Yarei Malka, fear of the king. 

And I wonder...

A man keeps his head covered at all times to remind him that there is always something, Someone above him. Is that the reason why a woman also covers her hair? Is that supposed to be a reminder for her too? 

Da ma l'malah mimcha...know that there is Someone above you...remember Hashem always...place him in your mind...think about Him. Think about Him when you make decisions in your life, when you are unsure of right and wrong...

I hope my son will be able to make the proper decisions as he grows up. There are so many temptations out there. When I think about what it will be like to raise my children in our generation, in the generation of technology, where you get things you want faster than you can snap your fingers, I get scared. It's scary to raise a child in a generation like ours. But I daven and hope for siyata dishmaya and that Hashem help me teach my children properly, every step of the way. That I do the right things, instill love for Him in their hearts and teach them by example what it means to be good, to do what's right.

I look at his proud smile as he runs to put on his tzitzis in the morning. I hope he will always kiss them the way he did this morning. With such happiness, with such excitement. How will he hold on to his innocence, to his love for this mitzvah? 

Tzitzis are meant to be a reminder, v'lo sasuru acharei levavchem v'acharei eineichem. Do not stray...do not let your eyes wander...Shalom Baruch, if I could engrave just one message on your heart, this would be it. V'lo sasuru...Don't let your eyes wander. Don't look at things you shouldn't. Don't look at what other people have with jealousy. Keep your eyes pure. Keep your heart pure. Hold on to the precious innocence you have now. Focus on what you do have and be happy with it. Don't keep looking further, for more and for better. Because it may not be better. It may not make you any happier. What you have is best for you.

I look at my little boy and I feel blessed. Thank you Hashem for helping me reach this milestone.

The Seventh Day of Chanukah

There’s a famous question that’s asked about Chanukah.

Why is Chanuka eight days when the miracle only lasted for seven days since there was enough oil to last for one day?

There are many, many answers to this question. I just want to share one of them with you.

There was once someone who didn’t have enough money to buy oil so they used vinegar instead and said, "The same One who commanded oil to burn can make vinegar burn." And…it did burn! We learn from this that the very fact that oil burns is a miracle too and is a reason to celebrate another day of Chanukah.

The natural events in our lives are really miracles and we should realize that just because something is “normal” doesn’t mean it will be that way and when things go right and are they way they are supposed to be, we should thank Hashem!

Today, the seventh day of Chanukah, is a special day for our family-it’s Chaya Gitty’s 1st (Hebrew) birthday. It’s a day to reflect upon this past year and realize that all the things that seem so normal and regular for a baby’s development are really miraculous. There’s no real reason why a baby should smile at the right time, roll over when the books say she should, crawl, coo, and start to talk (and almost walk!) before their first birthday. Who says this is normal? Who says this is the way it’s supposed to be? Why is this the way things go? It really is more than just regular to see a little baby begin to develop into a real person!

It’s a day for me to realize that all the little things that go right, all her milestones at the right times are reasons to be thankful.

She’s had her fair share of doctor visits (okay, maybe we’ve been there too many times than I would have liked) but baruch Hashem they were for regular things-ear infections, viruses and well visits. But she is healthy. We don’t spend our time worrying and running from doctor to doctor…She’s talking more than her brother did at a year, saying mommy, tatty, baby, cracker, all done, bye-bye, she waves her hand, she says moo and baa (!!) and she tries to imitate things we say to her. She is a normal, regular, healthy baby but really…who defines normal? Who says this is the way things should be? When things go the way they should and everything is smooth, it is a time to stop and thank Hashem for the regular things.

And we learn this lesson from Chanukah. The first day that the oil burned was just as miraculous as the next seven days. And that is why Chanukah lasts for eight days instead of seven. To remind us that the things that seem so normal and regular are really reasons to celebrate and be thankful.

So spend some time today thinking about the things in your life that are not out of the ordinary. That are the way they should be. Thank Hashem for the regular, the normal, the routine…because they really are reasons to be grateful.

Bayamim haheim bazman hazeh. Yes. Small hidden miracles happen every day and we should look out for, notice and appreciate them!

Happy Chanukah! And happy birthday CG!

Anyone else have any reasons to share for the famous question of why Chanukah is eight days instead of seven? You can comment, submit it anonymously on the right sidebar or send me an email. If I get enough answers, maybe I’ll post it and share it with all you readers :-).

CG's First Birthday

Today's Chaya Gitty's (English) birthday. She's just a year old but...so much happens in one year. The amount of growth and development I see in my daughter from when she was a tiny newborn until now is amazing. She can already say a few words, she crawls (and her older brother likes to copy her :-) ) and will soon be walking!

I had this same thought when I wrote a post on SB's first birthday but it hit me again this morning. Look at how much a baby changes in the first year of their life. They learn so much about the world around them and develop from a newborn who is unable to do anything but cry, eat and make in their diapers to real little people. Little people who are slowly discovering so much about their own little world. Chaya Gitty is a whole new person already. She's little but she knows and understands so much.

This made me think about how much I did in this past year. How much did I change? I know a lot changed around me and there were so many stories that happened in the past year but did they change me?

When I put my daughter to sleep tonight and sang to her, my eyes filled with tears and I began to cry. I couldn't finish the song. I just looked at her precious little eyes staring right back at me, sweet, innocent eyes and let myself cry. I cried tears of appreciation and tears of hope. I looked at her with such appreciation and gratitude to Hashem for giving me such a sweet, soft princess of a baby. It such a bracha to be blessed with such a gift. And I cried tears of hope for the future...and I davened. I davened for her to be good in every sense of the word, to have good friends when she grows up and to always be happy.

Every parent wants their child to be happy. Do we begin to realize how much our parents do for us and to what lengths they go to try to make us happy? They make decisions based on how they think it would affect us and always have our good, our ultimate good in mind. We should appreciate all they do, speak to them with respect and realize just how much they do for us.

I once heard that Hashem put the parent-child relationship into this world so that we could learn how to relate to Him. Just like a parent does so much for a child but the child cannot fathom how much the parent really does, so too, Hashem does so so much for us and we can't even begin to imagine how much He really does for us. Of course it takes no effort on His part to do all that He does but do we realize how much we have to be grateful for? He keeps us alive and healthy and gives us so much bounty. Family to care for us, friends to have fun with, so many choices of foods to eat...every little detail of our lives, every little and big blessing all comes from Him. Spend some time every day saying thank you to your Father in Heaven!

A birthday, from the very first one, can be used as a day to think about and thank Hashem for all the blessings and good things He has given you. I am so lucky to have a daughter as precious as Chaya Gitty and I hope to continue to feel this deep gratitude to Him for all the good Hashem will continue to shower upon our family.

Any sprinkles left on the cupcake? (She's too little for a whole big cake :-D)

He is Two Years Old Now

Today was Shalom Baruch's 2nd birthday.

There is so much that happens in two years of a person's life, especially in the first two years of their life. The growth and development that happens from the time a baby is born through the toddler stages are literally astounding. From learning how to smile, recognize peoples' faces, eat solids, crawl, walk, talk, put words and phrases together to come out with a coherent thought, play and share, it is truly a miracle to watch a child learn so much.

Today, I took time to remember the moment Shalom Baruch was born, the doctor's shout of "It's a BOY!" and my relief to have finally given birth. It wasn't until close to 14 hours later, when I was alone in the hospital bed without any visitors, while I was holding my son that it hit me: this is MY son. My own child. My precious baby that I will love and care for all my life. Nothing could take that love away.

I remember the intense feelings I felt as I looked into my little newborn's eyes, tears rolling down my cheeks, trembling and shaking and talking to my baby, telling him all I wanted, wished and dreamed for - all the hopes I had for this tiny, pure, innocent neshama.

I remember thinking at the time: there is no one else here in the room, just me, Hashem and my precious little one.

It was such an intense few minutes.

I'll remember it forever.

It makes me think, didn't we all start off this way?

Innocent.

Pure.

What happened?

How did we become so contaminated?

There is so much garbage out there.

We need to keep our eyes, our ears and especially our brains pure and clean.

The internet poses so many challenges. With just one curious click of the mouse, you can find yourself reading, watching or listening to something that certainly should not enter your soul, that pure neshama that you were born with.

So on this day, I take it upon myself, as a zechus for my own children, to be extra careful with the things I look at and read so that they remain as pure as possible. The challenge is incredible. In the summer especially, there are all kinds of people dressed (or not!) outside and it is so easy to take that second glance. It takes work to look away, to guard my eyes, to not click that link and read something that is not good for my neshama.

Don't we all want to keep our purity intact, to the biggest extent possible?

Today is also a day when I can look back and thank Hashem for the many gifts he has given me in these past two years.

A healthy child.

That alone is enough to fill pages and pages of reasons to be thankful.

Two healthy children.

I think I'll stop there.

Hashem, I can never thank you enough.

On My Birthday

Today, Vav Shevat is my hebrew birthday. There is so much to think about on my birthday and so much to be thankful for. I look back at how much has happened this past year and I'm amazed and in awe at how much can change in a person's life.

I was blessed with another daughter who is so precious. I can look at her for hours and see the Hashem through her - how such a tiny human being has a perfectly working body, a heart pumping blood through her veins, a digestive system that works just right, eyes that blink every few seconds. It is so incredible how something so little has a body that works the same way as an adult!

A birthday is a time for me to notice how much I have and thank Hashem for it. It is also a time to try to commit myself to become better, to change in one area so that next year I can look back and be happy with what I see.

When I was in seminary in Eretz Yisroel, my birthday came out on shabbos. I made sure to stay somewhere within walking distance to the Kosel and was able to say the whole tehillim. Now I'm not able to even think about such a huge feat because baruch Hashem I am busy with my children. But I know that this is my job right now - this is my tehillim and thanks to Hashem! Taking care of them and watching over my children, Hashem's children - that's my priority. My job is not to lock myself in a room and daven for an hour. Hashem gives each person a role and right now I am meant to be taking care of my children. Iy"h when I become a grandmother and have free time during the day, I will once again be able to daven and say tehillim on my birthday.

The role of a mother is so important - she will raise her children to be the next generation of people to follow the torah and do the mitzvos. What can be more crucial than that?! She has to fill her childrens' hearts with love for Hashem and love for Judaism. Davening then becomes a conversation with Hashem throughout the day, instead of taking out a siddur at a specific time each day.

I know that many people give brachos on their birthday. I don't know if I can say it better than I did last year - the bracha was so overflowing that when I reread it just a few minutes ago I thought I cannot redo it because there's so much in there. So here's a link to last year's bracha and may it come true for all of you!

Happy First Birthday SB!

Tomorrow, yud daled sivan, is Shalom Baruch's first birthday. It is a big day for me and it's exciting too!

It is amazing for me to look back and see how much he has grown and changed since he was born. He came into this world as an innocent and precious little child, unable to do anything but cry and look around. He didn't know anything about the world. A newborn baby is like cement-it is up to you to shape them. Everything you say to them will affect them. It is such a responsibility to have a tiny little child, a precious neshama, to take care of.

A baby is totally dependant on his parents to take care of him. And within one year, he learns so much. He learned to smile, babble, play with toys, crawl, eat real food, stand and so much more. There is so much that we can learn from little kids and especially from babies.

Shalom Baruch (or SB) is now learning how to walk. It is unbelievable to watch his determination while he is trying it out. He takes his walking toy and holds on to it while he takes a few steps and then...plop! He falls onto the floor. But does he start to cry and give up right there? Nope! He picks himself up, laughs and tries again. Step, step, step, step, plop! And again. He just never gives up. Incredible! Like it says, "Sheva yipol tzaddkik v'kom" - a tzaddik falls seven times and still gets up. No matter how many times he falls, he does not despair, he keeps strong and tries again. How many falls does it take until we say, "that's it, I'm done trying?" and give up? Let us look at this little tzaddik and follow in his teeny footsteps! Remember, the only way he'd learn to walk is by trying again. If he were to give up, even after the tenth time, he would never learn. The fact that he keeps on going no matter how many times he falls is what makes him succeed and soon he will be walking like a pro! But it all starts from getting up after that plop!

Looking back at this past year, there is so much growth and change that SB experienced. In the beginning it was week-by-week and then it was month-by-month. First he learned how to smile, then roll from his stomach to his back, then from his back to his stomach, then he started to grab toys, he learned how to giggle, he started to crawl, he got his first tooth, he would stand while holding on to the couch, chair, a toy (or my skirt!), then he started to leave go and stand on his own. He's already starting to talk and say little things, like "hi" or "baby." (I'm still trying to teach him how to say "mommy" but that's another story!) What is interesting is that by little kids, you see so much change happening from one year to the next. I can't even compare where he was when he was born a year ago to what he is up to now.

And now you have to ask yoursef, how much do I change in a week? a month? a year? When you look back at where you were last year at this time and see where you are today, are you happy with what you see? What can you do to make sure that by the time you get to next year, you will be able to look back at this past year and say, "Wow, I feel so good about where I am now!"

I remember holding SB when he was still a newborn and looking into his pure little eyes while trying (unsuccessfully) to sing elokei neshama. The song I was singing had a very touching tune and I just could not get through the song without crying. It was so emotional to try to sing this song to such a pure little baby. I would think to myself, You are so young. So innocent. You don't know anything about the big world out there. And I wish you could stay this way. I was a baby like you too. We all started off this way. But what happened? What can I do to keep your innocence and purity so you always stay on the right path, always love Hashem and always want to do the right thing? And I was never able to get to the end of the song. I would sing and think along with the meaning of the words...tehorah hee-the neshama you placed inside of me is pure...v'ata meshamra b'kirbee-and you are watching it inside of me...v'ata asid litlah mimenee-and in the future you will take it away from me...u'lihachazira bee l'asid lavo-and at the end of time you will return it to me. Oh, Hashem, please let this child's neshama remain whole and pure and untainted. Let him live a full life...a happy life, a beautiful and fulfilling life. And I would cry and cry (if I even got to this part of the song). And Shalom Baruch would just look at me with his little eyes, blink, blink, blink and look around, unaware of my emotions.

We all started out this way!! Each and every one of us came into this world pure and without any aveiros. And while your neshama is still in your body remember that Hashem is watching over and protecting you at every moment of the day. Before you do something, before you read something, think for a second, "is this good for my neshama?" Will it bring me closer or farther away from Hashem?

Now that we are baruch Hashem approaching Shalom Baruch's very first birthday, there is so much more I want to say but just don't know how to say it. It is such a privelege and a big responsibility to be able to raise such an adorable little boy-who still is innocent and pure. I hope he is able to keep his purity for a long time and we are able to teach to do the right thing always.

We'll take brachos (and presents lol) anytime!

Happy 1st Birthday To Our Blog!

Happy Birthday to our blog! Today is our first birthday - a year ago this blog was born thanks to Chaya Sara Rabinowitz. She is the one who gave me the idea to help her get it started and she is the one who continues to give so much inspiration to every person she meets and to the world!

I want to take this opportunity to thank all of our readers out there. It is because of you that this blog has continued going because without each of you, there would be no reason for either me or Chaya Sara to keep posting inspirational things for you to read. It is the questions you ask that are the springboard for more posts, more inspiration, more growth and more knowledge. Each person who comes to read this blog is truly valued and appreciated for giving us a reason to continue writing.

I want to give each of you a bracha that your thirst for inspiration should never end. Hashem should bentch you with clarity to know, understand and appreciate the greatness of being a Jew. He should help you find the answers to all your questions in a way that satisfies you and makes you love and enjoy being a frum Jew.

You should live a healthy, long and productive life and find ways to improve your relationship with Hashem every day. You should be able to be a walking example to all those who see you of what it means to be a Jew.

And most of all, may you find true happiness and always remember that Yiddishkeit is so beautiful and you are so lucky to be part of such a special nation!

Looking forward to many more years of inspiration and growth b'ezras Hashem!

Happy Birthday To Me!!

Tomorrow, Thursday, Vav Shevat is my hebrew birthday.

I wanted to give each person a special bracha. But since I don't know all of you personally and can't give you each your own individual bracha, I will try to give one that will apply to everyone.

Firstly, you should always feel Hashem close to you. Wherever you go, you should be able to notice all the good things that Hashem has given you and you should be able to appreciate and communicate your thanks to Hashem. You should have a happy life, filled with lots of bracha and hatzlacha wherever you go. You should find answers to all the questions you have and you should be satisfied with the answers you get.

May you be healthy all the days of your life - each part of your body should be healthy, your eyes - and you should use them to look at good things, your ears - and you should use them to listen to good things, things that are good for your neshama's growth, your brain - you should use it to think about proper things and learn more about the beauty and depth of yiddishket, your hands and feet - and use them to go to the right places and help other people and your mouth - you should use it to say things that are pure, use it to daven and connect to Hashem in the most beautiful way possible!
You should always have clarity to make the right decisions in life!
You should have parnassa always, an easy time making a living and you should always be on the giving end.
You should be able to use your time wisely. You should be able to see the specialness and beauty of Shabbos and use it as a day to connect to Hashem.
The people you know who are sick should be healed. The people you know who need shidduchim (yourself included!) should have an easy time finding their husbands, with clarity! The people you know who are far away from Hashem should come close to Him.
You should be able to use the kochos Hashem gave you to the fullest and always be an inspiration to the people around you.
You should be able to be a positive and happy person always, no matter what happens in your life!
May you be able to come close to Hashem through the good things He gave you instead of through pain.
Hashem should give you the strength to go through whatever painful things He thinks you need to go through and you should come out a stronger and better person.
You should be able to feel Hashem answering each and every tefillah you daven, you should always feel connected to Him and always feel the tremendous love He has for you!

It's very easy for me to give brachos. My last bracha is that as easy as it is for me to give the brachos, that's how easily and quickly they should come true!!

I usually send this around to my friends on their birthday, but now I want to post it here so all of you can gain from it.

This is from a book called Rabbi Avigdor Miller Speaks and the book ends off with questions people asked him and the answers he gave. The LAST one was about birthdays and what he said is really thought provoking!!

QUESTION:
What should a person think about on his birthday?

ANSWER:
He should think about a great many things. I look back at the years of my life, and I can recall so many people who passed away at young ages, nebach. I had a friend who passed away at the age of 14. I had another friend who wasn’t much older when he left the world. A person owes a great deal of gratitude to Hakadosh Baruch Hu and must thank Him profusely for allowing him to reach another birthday! Don’t make a party, just think about how indebted you are to Him. The older a person gets, the more of an obligation he has to thank Hakadosh Baruch Hu and serve Him! It’s also important to realize that time is passing you by! The wealth of time that was before you when you were young is quickly depleting! The older you get, the less time you have to accomplish in life, and there are so many things to achieve in this world. For example, you could learn on Ketzos HaChoshen every week. (this part is for the men but I decided to keep the text as it is so you can read the whole thing…) As the years go by you will become a baki, an expert in the Ketzos! Do you have any idea what kind of happiness that is? I guarantee you, it’s true happiness!
Therefore, as years go by you should take it upon yourself to try to achieve as much as you can. The happiness of life stems from the fact that it is such a wonderful opportunity to achieve.

Now, it's your turn! I was wondering if you can share some ideas on how to make my birthday special. I don't have time to daven on a regular day but if you have any suggestions for me (and for other readers to do on their birthday), please comment here!