Perfect

 Parshas Emor

When a Jew brought a korban, he had to make sure it did not have any blemishes. The Torah specifies what is considered a blemish that would render an animal unfit for a sacrifice. Hashem, who is perfect in every way, can only be given an animal as a korban that is totally perfect. 

As we try to make sense of what happened yesterday, (which we cannot, it just doesn't make sense,) we need to remind ourselves again and again that Hashem is perfect. He has a plan. He knows what He is doing. We are imperfect. We don't understand why. We shouldn't understand it. If we understood tragedy, we wouldn't be moved by it and we would never feel touched by the pain of others. Let's just remind ourselves that Hashem is perfect. 

May we strengthen our emunah in Hashem during this difficult time and be zoche to the Ultimate Geula so soon!

Flame of Hope

There are many answers to the famous question of the Bais Yosef. If there was enough oil to last for one day, why do we celebrate Chanukah for eight days if the miracle was only for the seven extra days that the oil burned?

There is a powerful lesson to be learned from that first day. 

We are commemorating the fact that those Jews even bothered lighting the oil they had on that first day. They could have said, if we only have enough oil for one day and it'll take eight days to get new oil, we'll light it the day before we have new oil so we will have continuous light from the day we light it. But a Jew doesn't work that way. A Jew doesn't look at his resources and decide what the outcome will be based on the facts. He relies on Hashem for results. He does the best he can with whatever he has and leaves the rest in Hashem's hands.

This is what we are celebrating. And we remember this lesson each year when we celebrate Chanukah for eight days instead of seven. That first day is what we are celebrating. It's not extra. It's essential. It helps us internalize that no matter how dark things are or how challenging our lives are, we do whatever we can with the resources we have and have faith in Hashem that things will work out in the best possible way.

We all have goals, hopes and dreams. And sometimes we don't know how we'll ever be able to accomplish the things we want. What we want seems too difficult to achieve. 

But we have to try. We need to put our best foot forward and utilize whatever little abilities we have to start. And then we trust in Hashem to help us reach the finish line.

This is what those Jews did so many years ago. They didn't have enough oil to last for eight days, until they'd have more, pure oil. But it didn't matter. They lit what they had and Hashem allowed that light, and essentially the flame of hope and faith, to remain lit until they'd have more oil to keep the menorah's light glowing.

It's the first day of Chanukah that we are memorializing. That's the day that is most important to all the days that come afterwards. It's the day that infuses hope into the rest of this holiday and into the darkness of our lives. The first day teaches us to take that first step when we are scared, to try when we are unsure if we'll succeed. Because ultimately, it's our emunah when things are tough that will help us pull through and keep trying.

May we be able to take this lesson to heart, have hope when things are dark, and try even when we don't have enough resources to achieve the outcome we're hoping for. And may Hashem reward us for having faith in Him by exceeding our hopes and dreams!

Happy Chanukah! 

How Can it be?

The 15th yartzeit of my brother, Shalom ben Chaim Nosson, is tonight and tomorrow. It's hard to believe it's been so long, yet the emotions come back and we miss him so much. May all the actions we do for his neshama bring us comfort as his neshama continues to go higher and higher in gan eden.

Here's the poem I wrote this year.

un

How can it be?

It's been 15 years since that fateful day,

When you climbed that tall tree that took your life away,

Our family was so shocked when we were told,

Shalom, you were too young to die, you weren't yet 16 years old!

How can it be?

You lived your life according to the way you were raised,

At your levaya, for all your special qualities you were praised,

You looked out for others, helping before you were asked,

And now, up in heaven, in the pleasure of the שכינה your soul does bask.

How can it be?

We continue to talk about your unique qualities,

Sharing stories with our friends and family,

How your sense of humor and love of animals is what made you you,

And now your nephew, with your name is so similar too!

How can it be?

He loves to climb trees, wishes he could live on a farm,

Is so gentle with animals, won't cause them any harm,

Chess is a game he loves to play,

And now for a label machine, with his own money he wants to pay.

How can it be?

I miss you more than words can express,

I became stronger and more sensitive through this huge test,

I wish I could see you one more time,

Give you a hug and share thoughts that are mine.

How can it be?

So many milestones in my life that you haven't shared,

Moments of joy and times I was scared,

I often wonder what my life would be like if you were still here,

Shalom, how much I treasure you - in your lifetime were you aware?

How can it be?

Near my shabbos candles stands your picture in a frame,

Your face so calm, your demeanor so tame,

I think about you so much, I never dreamed,

That your loss would affect me so strongly.

How can it be?

As Jews we live with אמונה that's constantly put to the test,

That Hashem has a plan for our נשמה and He knows what's best,

He puts us through challenges that refine our soul,

So through our time on this earth, we become better, more whole.

That's how it can be.

We accept that this too, was for our good,

Even when we feel weak and question how this could

Be for our benefit, we still know deep inside,

That Hashem put us on this journey and He is our guide.

That's how it should be. 

To make a donation in memory of my brother, you can go to my personal fundraising page here and help us continue to run programs that bring non-affiliated college students closer to Torah and Mitzvos!

To read more about Shalom and his story, click on the following links: 

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Parsha-Shema

This past week, we read Parshas Va'eschanan. The foundation of our belief in Hashem, the Shema, is written in the parsha. We cover our eyes when we say this phrase, reciting it in the morning and in the evening, and even before we go to sleep at night.

Why do we cover our eyes? We are expressing that we believe in the oneness of Hashem and that everything He does is for our best. Whether we are experiencing the highs of life, the clarity and openness of Hashem's involvement in our lives, or we are going through challenges and things are dark, we remain strong in our trust in Him. We believe that He orchestrates every single thing we go through - the happy times, the difficult ones, they all come from Him.

And we cover our eyes to express that even when we can't see how it's good, we believe there is an ultimate benefit to be gained from every single thing we go through. 

The morning represents the good times. 

The evening represents the tough times. 

And even before we retire for the night, every Jew proclaims this truth: As my day comes to an end and I reflect on my experiences, there are some things I'm grateful for and some things I'm confused about. I will never be able to understand everything going on in my life. But I believe that you Hashem, you know what I need in order to accomplish my mission. Please help me continue to believe in you, no matter what I go through. 

May we continue to strengthen our trust in Hashem at all times!

A Lesson in Parenting

There's always a first time, right?

But to me, this little encounter was surprising and upsetting at first; it was enlightening and empowering at the end.

I was in a toy store with my baby and I was bouncing him up the steps in the stroller. In the past, any time I was in a public place with a staircase and my baby, someone offered to help me.

When I went to shul for a kiddush and was bouncing the stroller down the steps to the simcha hall, someone offered to help me.

When I was walking up the steps to a friend's house and someone saw me with the stroller, he offered a helping hand.

And this time, this woman watched me bounce up the steps one by one and waited patiently as I slowly made my way up the steps. She followed along with me, but didn't gesture or offer a helping hand.

It was surprising, but I continued on my way as she conversed with her little girl about the toys in the shop. 

A few moments later, I watched as her daughter bumped into a box from a neatly stacked pile of toys and continued on, without turning back to pick up the box she knocked over. My own little girl rushed to straighten out the boxes.

Okay, it happens, I thought to myself.

But when that happened a second time, I wasn't so sure. When the same girl casually continued looking at the toys on display after knocking something down a second time, I knew this wasn't a coincidence.

And I thought about it.

I realized how much power and influence we parents have over our children.

Children learn more from what we do than from what we say.

When we model good behavior, they will follow in our ways.

And when we model carelessness and disregard for another's feelings, our children will do the same.

It's not her daughter's fault that no one ever taught her to look out for other people. She was just following what she saw from her own mother.

Now, I'm not judging this woman and there can be numerous reasons for why she didn't offer to help.

Maybe she has back problems and can't lift anything heavy.

Maybe she has other health issues that would prevent her from offering the specific type of help I could have used.

But after seeing this young girl exhibit the exact same carelessness as her mother, I took this very powerful and empowering message for myself as a parent.

We can tell our children all the right things.

We can lecture them about how to act in private and how to behave in public.

But the most profound way to teach them is by modeling the behavior we want them to emulate.

We can tell them not to yell at their siblings when they're upset, but if we yell at them when we are angry, what will they learn to do? We need to work on ourselves to maintain our own inner calm, even when we're stressed, annoyed or angry. 

We can speak about the importance of honesty, forgiveness, responsibility and all the other good virtues, but the best way for them to really internalize their importance is by modeling honesty, by being forgiving and taking responsibly for our actions.

They will learn to trust in Hashem and to believe that everything that happens is for the good if they see us responding to difficult situations with words of emunah and faith. With actions that show we believe Hashem runs the world and we have faith in Him. 

It's in our hands to help the next generation acquire the skills they need to navigate the complex world we live in. We can help them succeed by working on our own selves.

May we be able to do the hard work so we can be in the best place possible on an emotional level, on a spiritual level and on every level in between. And may our children follow in our positive ways.

A Stabbing

A stabbing
In Monsey
Leaves me shaking
Quaking
There's this
Unsettling
Feeling
Inside of me
And I want to do something!
Anything
To protect myself
And my family
It's getting too close
Too close to home
First Jersey City
Now Monsey
It's too scary
And I'm scared
Scared for
My safety
Scared for
My family
Scared for
My Nation 
The Jewish People
I want everyone
To be safe
I have ideas
I have plans
Things to do
Things not to do
We can't lock ourselves
In our houses
In our homes
This is crazy! 
Our homes are not safe
The streets are not safe
This world is not safe
And I want to protect myself
And all those close to me
So we won't be touched
By this unseen force
Of destruction 
Of death
Of hatred 
And suddenly 
It hits me
I need to give up control 
To the One who controls everything 
I never had control 
Over my safety 
And security 
In the first place
Hashem controls
It all
He controls 
Whether I wake up every morning 
He controls 
My every breath
And He controls 
Who walks the streets
Who pulls the trigger 
He controls 
Who pulls out
A machete
And He continues 
To protect us
To watch over us. 
We don't understand 
We don't have to 
Understand 
His crazy plan
It's too big
For our little brains
To understand 
But we must
Strengthen our trust
Pray for those who are hurt
And hope
For their healing
And hope 
For our safety 
All the while
Remembering
Internalizing 
That He is the one
Who controls it all. 
Hashem...? 
Please
Heal those who were hurt
Protect us all
And keep us safe
Bring us 
The ultimate safety 
And security 
Under the wings of
Your shechina.

Watching from the Window

Every morning, as I walk my daughter to the bus stop, I wave to the crossing guard who stands at her post across the street from my house.

“Have a great day!” I wish her as I walk back to my house to get my little boys ready for yeshiva. Since they have a direct ride to their school, they don’t have to be walked to a bus stop. They wait right outside my house until their ride comes.

I used to stand outside with them and wait together with my little baby, waving them off to school every morning. But now that the weather is colder, I don’t want to take my baby outside. So I stand inside my warm house while my boys don their coats and knapsacks and I watch them go from my post at the window.

I wave to them as they get into the car.

I blow kisses to them as they close the car door.

I send up a little prayer as they drive off, asking Hashem to give them a good day. They should learn well, have a good time with their friends and come home safely.

One day, as I watched them from my spot at the window, I saw a strange man walk over to them and start talking to them. My heart stopped and I ran to the door, opened it and yelled out, “Is everything okay?”

The man looked relieved. “I just saw two little boys standing outside by themselves so I got nervous.”

“I’m watching them from the window the whole time!” was my response.

Phew. That was a little scare.

And I thought to myself, No one else can see me watching my children as they wait for the car to come pick them up, but I am there. I don’t leave my spot at the window until they are safely in the car and on their way to school. Does the crossing guard who watches all the little children walk to school and wait for buses and car rides know this? Does she know that I don’t take my eyes off my boys for even a moment?

And then I realized, Isn’t it the same with Hashem? He is always watching us. Always watching over each of us with the same love and care that I watch over my children. And although we can’t see Him, we know He is there. Peeking through the windows of the Heavens, coordinating events in our lives so everything happens with such precision and accuracy.

Sometimes, we are lucky enough to see Him so clearly, and it’s like we can wave back to Him and say, “Hashem, I know that was you! Only YOU could have made all this happen to me.”

But when we don’t see Him, we still know and believe that He is watching over us.

Just like I watch my children from the window.

May we be able to feel Hashem watching over us every day of our lives.

Parshas Eikev

Moshe Rabbeinu tells Bnei Yisroel not to be afraid of conquering the land of Eretz Yisroel. And if they do start to feel scared or nervous, they should think back to the miracles Hashem did for them when they left mitzrayim. They will realize that just as Hashem helped them in the past, He will continue to help them fight these battles and take over the land.  

In life, we are sometimes afraid to look ahead. We don't know what the future will bring and we don't know how we will overcome our battles. We need to fortify ourselves with emunah and remember the times Hashem helped us in the past. When we think about other times Hashem helped us pull through, we will feel strengthened and know that He will help us this time too. 

May we hold on to our faith in Hashem at all times, by looking back at the times Hashem helped us and staying confident that He will be there for us in the future!

Parshas Va'eschanon

When Moshe Rabbeinu speaks to the Jewish Nation before his death, he tells them that we will do aveiros and we will be sent to galus. But, Hashem will never forsake us as a nation and we will ultimately do teshuva and return to Hashem.

While we are in this galus, we may go through times where we feel lost and alone. But we must remember this promise. Hashem will never abandon us! He will never forsake us! And if we use what we are going through to return to Him and to come closer to Him, we will add meaning to our life and purpose to our pain.

May we be able to keep growing and keep coming closer to Hashem as we bridge the gap between us and our Father in Heaven!

Parshas Balak

Balak tried to get Bilam to curse the Jewish People but he was unsuccessful. After three times of trying, he realized that Hashem was the One controlling what came out of Bilam's mouth and he gave up. 

In life, there are many things we try to do. Sometimes they work out immediately and we see Hashem's hand. Other times, we keep trying and we aren't successful. We need to strengthen our emunah and remind ourselves that Hashem orchestrates every detail of our lives, from the words that come out of our mouths to the bigger results of our efforts. We should remember that everything that happens is for our ultimate benefit. 

May we be able to keep trying when things are rough and stay strong in our belief that everything Hashem does is for our good! 

Parshas Bechukosai

Hashem promises that if we follow Him and do the mitzvos, we will be blessed with peace. We will lie down at night and will not be afraid because we will have inner peace.

How can we achieve an inner sense of calm? When we are satisfied with the things we are doing with our lives and we are living with meaning, we will feel good about ourselves. When we make a difference in the lives of others, we feel peaceful and whole on the inside. And when we strengthen our belief that Hashem is running our lives, we can stay calm even when things are difficult or stressful.

May we be able to feel an inner sense of peace by choosing to live a life of meaning and internalizing that everything that happens to us is from Hashem!

Parshas Behar

The mitzvah of Shmittah is in this weeks Parsha. The farmers who keep shmittah face major challenges of emunah and bitachon-how will they have the money they need if they aren't working? They become more selfless and generous when they allow people to take from their fields. By exercising their spiritual muscles, they become stronger in their avodas Hashem. 

Our spiritual challenges enable us to reach higher levels. Next time you are struggling, remind yourself that it is through THIS challenge that you can become better. Realize that each time you overcome a challenge, you climb up a level...and every little step will get you closer to your goal!

May we be able to strengthen ourselves to overcome our spiritual struggles and always keep growing!

Parshas Kedoshim

There are many mitzvos in this week's parsha. One of them is the commandment not to take revenge. When someone does something that causes us pain, we are told to refrain from hurting them back. 

When we go through physical, emotional or financial pain in our lives and we know exactly who caused it, it's easy to blame and want to hurt back. If we remind ourselves that no one can cause us any pain unless Hashem allows it, we can stop ourselves from wanting to get back at them. Each person is a messenger from Hashem and for reasons we may not understand, we were supposed to go through this exact experience. 

May we be able to strengthen our belief in Hashem so we can overcome our desire for revenge!

Parshas Va'eira

The purpose of the makkos, besides for punishing the Egyptians, was to reinforce that Hashem is actively involved in running the world. It is because of His will that water flows in rivers and blood flows in our bodies.  

Although we do not see the kind of miracles Hashem performed in mitzrayim, we can look out for Him and find Him in our everyday lives. We can notice and appreciate our healthy bodies. We can marvel at how we met someone who was able to help us at the exact moment we needed them. When things work out smoothly for us, we should acknowledge and thank Hashem for being actively involved in every part of our lives.

May we notice Hashem's perfect hand in the good things that click into place just when we need them!

Parshas Shemos

When Aaron came to greet his younger brother Moshe, he was not jealous of him. The Torah tells us that he was totally and completely happy for him in his heart.

How can we feel genuinely happy for others when they have more or become more than us? By internalizing that any good another person has will never take away from the good Hashem has planned for us. So if someone gets a better mark, a better job or position, has more or (what looks like) better children, or is more wealthy, remember that this is meant for them! We should continue to daven for our own needs and wants, but we can have an ayin tova, a good eye that fargins, by remembering this truth: someone else's good will never take away from whatever is destined for us.

May we be able to share in others' successes and accomplishments with true happiness in our hearts!

Parshas Mikeitz

When Yosef was taken out of jail, the Torah says "they rushed him from the dungeon." Why the rush? After spending 12 years in prison, would a few minutes have made a difference? We see that when the time came for his yeshuah, it had to happen at the moment Hashem decided, without any delay.

Hashem has a plan for us and everything has a perfect timing. We might feel frustrated when we have to wait for things we hope for, but we need to hold on to and trust in Hashem. Every single thing we go through is calculated and for our ultimate benefit.

May we be able to remember and internalize this, so we have the inner strength to overcome any darkness we feel!

Parshas Lech Lecha

Avram is childless and after marrying Hagar, she gives birth to Yishmael. He continues to wait for his wife Sarah to have a child and eventually (in next week's parsha), Yitzchok is born.

In life, we often have to wait for things. We don't reach the next stage at the same time as our friends and peers and it sometimes feels unfair. We need to remember that Hashem has a plan and we can't understand why He wants us to wait or why He isn't giving us exactly what we want at the time we want it. And we also need to keep believing in Him and hoping for our salvation to come...because it is in His hands and He can make it happen!

May we be able to keep our faith in Hashem strong, keep davening and hoping for the changes we wish for and merit to see and experience the good we are waiting for!

The Sukkah

After we confessed our sins and begged Hashem to be inscribed in the Book of Life, Hashem "wraps His arms around us" in a loving embrace. This is what the walls of the sukkah represent. 

We leave our homes and enter the sukkah, expressing our total dependence on Hashem. We live in this simple hut, showing that materialism is not the most important thing. Our focus should be on the eternal-on our relationship with Hashem and doing things that have lasting value. 

May we be able to stay calm and keep the atmosphere in the sukkah peaceful by remembering that we are in Hashem's embrace and His shechina is right here with us! 

Erev Yom Kippur

It's Erev Yom Kippur. 

We spend the day preparing, eating and asking people we may have wronged for forgiveness. It's a time for introspection. We make commitments to change for the better and ask Hashem to help us keep to our resolutions.

We look back at the past year and see how much has changed in our lives. Some things fill our hearts with gratitude and other things fill our hearts with questions. But we know all of it is for the good. We wish each other a "gmar chasima tova"-but if everything Hashem does is for the good, why do we need to give each other this blessing?

Although we try to instill the belief into our hearts that everything Hashem does is for our ultimate benefit, our desire is for all that happens in the coming year to be noticeable good in the moment. Not that we should have to wait days, weeks, months or a lifetime to be able to see why what we went through was good for us in the end.

May we be able to utilize the day of YK to achieve true kapparah, cleanse ourselves of our aveiros and be written and sealed in the Sefer Hachayim with immediate, recognizable good in all aspects of our lives!

Have a meaningful Yom Kippur!

Parshas Vayeilech

Moshe Rabbeinu talks to BY before he dies. He repeats, Stay strong and don't be afraid because Hashem will fight against your enemies for you.

In life, we all have battles that we are trying to fight. The way to stay strong and not be afraid is to strengthen our faith in Hashem. We must realize that He is at our side and will help us fight each of those battles. We should daven that we feel His presence and that Hashem gives us the ability to keep pushing, to keep trying and to ultimately succeed. 

May we be able to tap into our inner strength and feel Hashem helping us fight all our battles-spiritual, emotions and physical ones and come out at the top!