Flame of Hope

There are many answers to the famous question of the Bais Yosef. If there was enough oil to last for one day, why do we celebrate Chanukah for eight days if the miracle was only for the seven extra days that the oil burned?

There is a powerful lesson to be learned from that first day. 

We are commemorating the fact that those Jews even bothered lighting the oil they had on that first day. They could have said, if we only have enough oil for one day and it'll take eight days to get new oil, we'll light it the day before we have new oil so we will have continuous light from the day we light it. But a Jew doesn't work that way. A Jew doesn't look at his resources and decide what the outcome will be based on the facts. He relies on Hashem for results. He does the best he can with whatever he has and leaves the rest in Hashem's hands.

This is what we are celebrating. And we remember this lesson each year when we celebrate Chanukah for eight days instead of seven. That first day is what we are celebrating. It's not extra. It's essential. It helps us internalize that no matter how dark things are or how challenging our lives are, we do whatever we can with the resources we have and have faith in Hashem that things will work out in the best possible way.

We all have goals, hopes and dreams. And sometimes we don't know how we'll ever be able to accomplish the things we want. What we want seems too difficult to achieve. 

But we have to try. We need to put our best foot forward and utilize whatever little abilities we have to start. And then we trust in Hashem to help us reach the finish line.

This is what those Jews did so many years ago. They didn't have enough oil to last for eight days, until they'd have more, pure oil. But it didn't matter. They lit what they had and Hashem allowed that light, and essentially the flame of hope and faith, to remain lit until they'd have more oil to keep the menorah's light glowing.

It's the first day of Chanukah that we are memorializing. That's the day that is most important to all the days that come afterwards. It's the day that infuses hope into the rest of this holiday and into the darkness of our lives. The first day teaches us to take that first step when we are scared, to try when we are unsure if we'll succeed. Because ultimately, it's our emunah when things are tough that will help us pull through and keep trying.

May we be able to take this lesson to heart, have hope when things are dark, and try even when we don't have enough resources to achieve the outcome we're hoping for. And may Hashem reward us for having faith in Him by exceeding our hopes and dreams!

Happy Chanukah! 

Parsha-Shema

This past week, we read Parshas Va'eschanan. The foundation of our belief in Hashem, the Shema, is written in the parsha. We cover our eyes when we say this phrase, reciting it in the morning and in the evening, and even before we go to sleep at night.

Why do we cover our eyes? We are expressing that we believe in the oneness of Hashem and that everything He does is for our best. Whether we are experiencing the highs of life, the clarity and openness of Hashem's involvement in our lives, or we are going through challenges and things are dark, we remain strong in our trust in Him. We believe that He orchestrates every single thing we go through - the happy times, the difficult ones, they all come from Him.

And we cover our eyes to express that even when we can't see how it's good, we believe there is an ultimate benefit to be gained from every single thing we go through. 

The morning represents the good times. 

The evening represents the tough times. 

And even before we retire for the night, every Jew proclaims this truth: As my day comes to an end and I reflect on my experiences, there are some things I'm grateful for and some things I'm confused about. I will never be able to understand everything going on in my life. But I believe that you Hashem, you know what I need in order to accomplish my mission. Please help me continue to believe in you, no matter what I go through. 

May we continue to strengthen our trust in Hashem at all times!

Parshas Eikev

Moshe Rabbeinu tells Bnei Yisroel not to be afraid of conquering the land of Eretz Yisroel. And if they do start to feel scared or nervous, they should think back to the miracles Hashem did for them when they left mitzrayim. They will realize that just as Hashem helped them in the past, He will continue to help them fight these battles and take over the land.  

In life, we are sometimes afraid to look ahead. We don't know what the future will bring and we don't know how we will overcome our battles. We need to fortify ourselves with emunah and remember the times Hashem helped us in the past. When we think about other times Hashem helped us pull through, we will feel strengthened and know that He will help us this time too. 

May we hold on to our faith in Hashem at all times, by looking back at the times Hashem helped us and staying confident that He will be there for us in the future!

Parshas Pinchas

After he is told that he will not lead Jewish People into the Promised Land, Moshe Rabbeinu asks Hashem to appoint someone to take his place. Hashem tells Moshe that Yehoshua will be the one to lead the Nation after he dies.

Just like Hashem would never abandon His nation and leave them without a leader, Hashem would never abandon any one of us. He already has the salvation in place before He gives us a challenge. We can strengthen ourselves with this truth by noticing that when we are going through something difficult, Hashem sends a messenger, someone to give us advice or support to help us get through that tough time.

May we be able to help our friends and neighbors when they are struggling and always stay strong in our faith that Hashem has a salvation ready for us before He sends any challenge our way!

Parshas Balak

Balak tried to get Bilam to curse the Jewish People but he was unsuccessful. After three times of trying, he realized that Hashem was the One controlling what came out of Bilam's mouth and he gave up. 

In life, there are many things we try to do. Sometimes they work out immediately and we see Hashem's hand. Other times, we keep trying and we aren't successful. We need to strengthen our emunah and remind ourselves that Hashem orchestrates every detail of our lives, from the words that come out of our mouths to the bigger results of our efforts. We should remember that everything that happens is for our ultimate benefit. 

May we be able to keep trying when things are rough and stay strong in our belief that everything Hashem does is for our good! 

Parshas Bechukosai

Hashem promises that if we follow Him and do the mitzvos, we will be blessed with peace. We will lie down at night and will not be afraid because we will have inner peace.

How can we achieve an inner sense of calm? When we are satisfied with the things we are doing with our lives and we are living with meaning, we will feel good about ourselves. When we make a difference in the lives of others, we feel peaceful and whole on the inside. And when we strengthen our belief that Hashem is running our lives, we can stay calm even when things are difficult or stressful.

May we be able to feel an inner sense of peace by choosing to live a life of meaning and internalizing that everything that happens to us is from Hashem!

Parshas Behar

The mitzvah of Shmittah is in this weeks Parsha. The farmers who keep shmittah face major challenges of emunah and bitachon-how will they have the money they need if they aren't working? They become more selfless and generous when they allow people to take from their fields. By exercising their spiritual muscles, they become stronger in their avodas Hashem. 

Our spiritual challenges enable us to reach higher levels. Next time you are struggling, remind yourself that it is through THIS challenge that you can become better. Realize that each time you overcome a challenge, you climb up a level...and every little step will get you closer to your goal!

May we be able to strengthen ourselves to overcome our spiritual struggles and always keep growing!

Parshas Va'eira

The purpose of the makkos, besides for punishing the Egyptians, was to reinforce that Hashem is actively involved in running the world. It is because of His will that water flows in rivers and blood flows in our bodies.  

Although we do not see the kind of miracles Hashem performed in mitzrayim, we can look out for Him and find Him in our everyday lives. We can notice and appreciate our healthy bodies. We can marvel at how we met someone who was able to help us at the exact moment we needed them. When things work out smoothly for us, we should acknowledge and thank Hashem for being actively involved in every part of our lives.

May we notice Hashem's perfect hand in the good things that click into place just when we need them!

Parshas Shemos

When Aaron came to greet his younger brother Moshe, he was not jealous of him. The Torah tells us that he was totally and completely happy for him in his heart.

How can we feel genuinely happy for others when they have more or become more than us? By internalizing that any good another person has will never take away from the good Hashem has planned for us. So if someone gets a better mark, a better job or position, has more or (what looks like) better children, or is more wealthy, remember that this is meant for them! We should continue to daven for our own needs and wants, but we can have an ayin tova, a good eye that fargins, by remembering this truth: someone else's good will never take away from whatever is destined for us.

May we be able to share in others' successes and accomplishments with true happiness in our hearts!

Parshas Mikeitz

When Yosef was taken out of jail, the Torah says "they rushed him from the dungeon." Why the rush? After spending 12 years in prison, would a few minutes have made a difference? We see that when the time came for his yeshuah, it had to happen at the moment Hashem decided, without any delay.

Hashem has a plan for us and everything has a perfect timing. We might feel frustrated when we have to wait for things we hope for, but we need to hold on to and trust in Hashem. Every single thing we go through is calculated and for our ultimate benefit.

May we be able to remember and internalize this, so we have the inner strength to overcome any darkness we feel!

It's All One

A long week it's been
With news so insane
First horror
Then pain
And prayers
For those who remain
The tears flow
We beg and plead
Do another good deed
Say more tehillim
Cry more tears
And then...
After eight years
A new piece
Of news
He's been released!
A free man
Rubashkin is allowed
Out
Crowds
Of people
Go out
To greet him
People dance freely
Singing songs of hope
Singing songs of unity
What a community
So much love
To the One Above
For making this happen
At precisely this moment
But deep inside
Our hearts
There's still a big hole
A gaping hole
A broken heart
Because
A family
Just shattered
Ripped apart
Torn to threads
From their beds
Peaceful sleep
Interrupted
Now they've been corrupted
No more peace
Just pain
No more calm
No way
In one day
Or just a night
Everything changed
This family's plight
Is at the mercy
Of the One Above
Is this mercy?
Is this love?
How can it be
That something so terrible
Also is an expression
Of love
And mercy?
We learn it
We know it
We teach it
We preach it
Does this show it?
Is this love?
To tear apart a family?
To destroy a home?
To pull lives away?
We know in our heads
That it's coming from you
We know in our minds
That it's all from you
We know everything
You do is good
We know it all
But...should
We not question?
We have questions
This makes no sense
In our heads
And our hearts
How can this be
Good?
We say in shema
That everything you do
Whether it looks harsh like din
Or seems like a reflection
Or your mercy
Hashem elokeinu
Both aspects of your
Character
Of your actions
Hashem
The good,
The kind
The merciful
The One Who finally redeemed
Released
Sholom Mordechai
Rubashkin
That is a sign
Of your mercy
So divine
Yet, you are also
Elokeinu
Strict and punishing
Full of judgement
You caused
A family
A home
To go up
In flames
And now
Only a few
Still remain
In this earth
Left here to struggle
For the rest of
Their lifetime
They'll struggle to move on
To face the world
To deal with whatever remains
This is judgement
This is your strict, harsh side
But we are taught
Hashem echod
It's all ONE
All of this
The good
The bad
The compassion
And the judgement
All really come from
Your compassion
Even the things
That seem like
A reflection
Of your judgement
Things like a fire
That consume a family
That consume a nation
Along with the clear
Open celebration
When we know
And we see
Perfectly
That it's Your Hand
That it's Your Compassion
Making this happen
Both those things
Come from Your Goodness
It's all part of
The greater good
Which we cannot see
And we can't understand
While we live down here
In this polluted, unclear land
We will continue to pray
We will continue to cry
We will cry, "ad masai"
For we don't understand
We want to get out
Of this polluted, unclear land
We will hope for change
We will hope for refuos
And continued miracles
For a family that's relying
On us
On our tefillos
On our kabalos
So they can be mekabel
The ones they lost
So we can all be mekabel
One day we will all greet
The ones we hope to meet
The ones who have a seat
At our tables
In our hearts
Even though we're far apart
We pray
For the day
When we will all say
This is what we were
Waiting for
Hoping for
Dreaming of
Wishing for
Praying for
And until then
Hashem
Please infuse us
With strength
With the ability
To keep going
To keep moving
To keep praying
To keep hoping
And to keep believing
In you.

Hamantashen

On Purim, we eat hamantashen.

Why?

Look at the shape of this cookie. It is shaped like a triangle-the same shape as one of the nekudos, a סגל. We see this root word in one of the names given to the Jewish People. We are called the עם סגולה. 

What is the significance to all this?

If you look at the סגל, you will notice that any way you turn it, it will keep its shape. The same is true of the hamantash and triangle. It doesn’t change its shape when you twist it, twirl it or flip it.

The same is true of every Jewish person. No matter what a person does, no matter which way they turn, they will always remain a part of the עם סגולה.  There is nothing a person can do-no sin, no act, no thought and no belief that can change the fact that they are a part of the Chosen Nation, the עם סגולה. 

So no matter which way life takes you, remember this. Remember this on all the twists and turns of life. Remember this forever.

You will always be a part of our Chosen Nation.

That is the secret behind the hamantash.

And that is what bothered Haman so much about us to the point that he wanted to kill us. We are anעם מפוזר ומפורד בין העמים. We are scattered, far-flung and widespread and yet at the same time, ודתיהם שונות -we have different customs. We don’t do what the goyim do. We are different.

How?

Because we are an עם סגולה. And by always remembering that we are part of the Chosen Nation, we can keep our identity strong no matter which direction life takes us.

May you be able to stay strong and stay true to the Nation you belong to throughout all the twists and turns of life.

Happy Purim!

Shalom and Shalom Baruch

It's that time of year again. Shalom's yartzheit.

I see his face wherever I go, wherever I am. Everything is a trigger. Anything I see makes me think of him.

I remember his favorite cookies (Kitov softbites), his favorite chocolate (mekupelet) and our favorite treat (cheese snack-we shared it when we were kids and best friends).

I walk outside and notice a discarded matchbook. (No, not a Macbook :). No one throws out something like that.) You know, the little cardboard folder that has a strip to strike the match on one side...

And that made me remember that whenever Shalom a"h would find one of those while he was out, he wouldn't just throw it out. He would strike and destroy every single match to make sure it was not usable. He didn't want anyone to ever find it and be able to use the matches to light a cigarette.

I look at my son Shalom Baruch who carries on his name. At this time of year, he gets to hear a lot of stories about the uncle he never knew. He even reminds me of some of the stories he heard last year that I didn't repeat.

And then I think of the similarities between Shalom a"h and Shalom Baruch.

First, my big boy loves to climb...anything and everything. When we moved to our new house with a big tree in front of it, it wasn't long before Shalom Baruch climbed right up. One day, he sat on one of the branches eating sorbet with his legs crossed, chilling as if he's relaxing on the beach drinking iced tea.

It's a delicate balance for me. I need to let my child do what he is good at without panicking when he stretches his daring, adventurous muscles. I need to ensure that he stays safe and doesn't do anything dangerous. At the same time, when he is doing something that reminds me of my brother, I cannot let my memories get in the way. There was a time where he sat on a branch that was too thin and I watched it crack right off the tree. It was scary for me. Baruch Hashem he was supported by another strong branch. Although the fall would have been minimal, watching it unfold was enough to make my heart race.

During the nine days and until the yartzheit itself, I did not let him climb our tree. Since this is an unfavorable time in the Jewish calendar as well as in my emotional calendar, I didn't, I couldn't let. But he will be right back at it as soon as he has another opportunity. And it's okay. It is a safe tree to climb. It's easy for him to get up and the branches are big, they're strong. I just have to breath deeply and let go. I have to leave the rest up to Hashem.

Shalom Baruch also loves to take things apart, to figure out how things work. From the flashlight he took apart when he was less than twenty months old to the clicking pen with four colors that he reassembled this tisha b'av, learning about the inner workings of everything around him always fascinated him. He was wide-eyed when I told him about the time when Shalom a"h asked my mother if he could keep the blender she was going to throw out one Pesach. With her permission, he took it to his room and got to work. Shalom a"h separated the wires and buttons from the outside plastic it was made of and had a field day putting it back together and creating something of his own. He turned it into...an alarm clock! And he attached it to a timer so when it was time for him to wake up, the whole thing made a loud, whirring noise and spun all around the room! He had to actually get out of bed to turn it off!

The look on Shalom Baruch's face when he heard all this was priceless. "How did he do it??" he asked incredulously. He looked like he wished he could have asked Shalom a"h himself. But he can't.

He takes after him though.

Just like Shalom a"h, he is very musical. Not just with his voice, but with his ability to follow the beat of a song. His friend recently taught him how to beat box and it is the coolest thing ever. It's the drum behind the song. And that's what Shalom loved to do (although I wonder if he knew what beat boxing was! :)) I remember a game we used to play on Friday night at the meal. Shalom would drum his fingers to the beat of a song or zemer and each of us would have to guess which song it was. He was so good at it, that we were able to figure out the song just by listening to his fingers drumming on the table! When it was our turn, we would hum the tune of a song and everyone would easily guess.

Shalom Baruch loves chess. I taught it to him slowly when I saw he was ready for a challenging game, a game that would stimulate his brain and keep him thinking. He's a smart kid and can think a few steps ahead. Right now I let him win every time but I don't always make it too easy for him. I want him to think. I like watching his head at work and I'm sometimes amazed by his brain and the way he plans his next move.

Shalom a"h also loved chess. He was a good player and he thought before his moves too (on a more mature level). There was a point when every Friday night he'd sit down to a game of chess with my mother. All the kids would crowd around, watch them play, then someone would interject with a good move or a warning, and then there would be a loud announcement/reminder that no one is allowed to help either side...it was all good, solid and happy fun. 

I often wonder what it would be like if Shalom a"h were still alive. What would our relationship be like? Would we still be the best friends we were when we were kids? Would I be really close to him? I know he'd go crazy over my kids. He always loved kids. (Besides, everyone goes crazy over my kids :-P. And I'm not just saying that because I'm their mommy. Ke"h they are delicious and have a special chein.)

But...as much as I wonder and as much as I think about it, it was not meant to be. Shalom's place is in gan eden, close to Hashem, close to the other boys who were niftar at a young age. And they are lucky. They fulfilled their tafkid in the time they had in this world. The rest of us are left here to grope in the dark, to try to make sense of the senseless...and ultimately hold on to that belief that every single thing Hashem puts us through has a purpose and is for our benefit. We may not see it now, but we need to work on instilling that belief deep into our consciousness.

And one day, we will actually be able to see it, to understand it. It wont just be belief. We will have clarity. We will recognize that every event in our lives was carefully planned by our Creator and it was all for our good. 

May that day come so very soon! And until then, may we be able to work on our emunah, internalizing our belief that every single thing we go through has a purpose. Every single thing Hashem puts us through is for our ultimate benefit. 

Let us continue to do good and spread goodness wherever we go. My brother cannot do that anymore. Yet, by sharing this with others who can be inspired, his neshama will continue to rise higher in gan eden. 

May this be a zechus for Shalom ben Chaim Nosson whose 11th yartzheit was yesterday.

Let Go of the Mouse

This is one of my favorite aish articles. I posted it before and wanted to share it with you again.

Let Go of the Mouse by Sara Yoheved Rigler

An antidote for control freaks.

Obeying Microsoft's recommendations can lead to catastrophe. That's what happened to me when I innocently clicked on "Yes" in the window that recommended condensing my emails in order to save space on my hard disk. Some 20 minutes later, the job was done -- and my last month and a half of emails had disappeared.

"Don't panic," I told myself. "They must be in there somewhere." But as the specter of dozens of red-flagged emails that direly needed replies began to haunt me, I became increasingly agitated. A frantic 45 seconds later, I called Microsoft Israel's technical support.

Yaniv was reassuring. "Don't worry," he calmed me. "They're in the Recycle Bin on your desktop." Lo and behold, they were! But how to get them back into my Outlook Express?

"Well, it's a little complicated," Yaniv said. "I don't think you'll be able to do it on your own. Are you willing to share control of your computer with me until we solve the problem?"

A person drowning in cyberspace will agree to anything. "Yes, Yes!" I promised.

The first thing he had me do was download the program, "Microsoft Easy Assist." Then a window appeared asking if I was willing to share control of my computer with a Microsoft technical support assistant. "Yes," I clicked emphatically.

A small blue box appeared in the lower right hand corner of my screen. It asked the same question again. Apparently relinquishing control is not so easy for some people. "It's okay, Yaniv," I told him on the phone. "I trust you." I clicked, "Yes," and the little blue box switched messages. Now it assured me that at any time I wanted to withdraw control from the technical support assistant, all I had to do was click the appropriate box. "Why would I want to do that?" I wondered. "He's helping me do what I could never do by myself. I guess some people really have control issues."

"Okay, are you ready?" Yaniv asked.

"Yes."

"Now let go of the mouse."

"Excuse me?"

"Let go of the mouse. I'm going to control your mouse."

Let go of my mouse? I sat there with my hand frozen on my trusty mouse.

"If you want me to restore your emails," Yaniv explained patiently, "You have to let me control your mouse."

I let go.

Like some preternatural Ouija board, my pointer started to move by itself. I was doing nothing. He was doing everything.

Then, like some preternatural Ouija board, my pointer started to move by itself. With my hands tightly folded on my lap and my eyes wide, I saw the pointer moving rapidly and clicking. Every move was accompanied by Yaniv's first-person plural declarations, "Now, we'll click here. Now we'll open up this window. Now we'll right click on this." It was a royal "we." I was doing nothing. He was doing everything.

Ten minutes later the phantom emails were sitting pertly back in my Outlook Express. Yaniv told me to click on the little blue box withdrawing permission for him to control my computer. I did so reluctantly. Obviously, he knew how to run my computer better than I did.

LET GO AND LET GOD

While some of us are worse control freaks than others, all of us resist relinquishing control of our lives to God. We human beings have been in competition with the Almighty ever since Adam and Eve were seduced into eating the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge by the enticement: "You will become like gods."

What's wrong with wanting to control your own life rather than letting God be God?

First of all, thinking that you are in ultimate control of everything that happens to you, which is the same as thinking that you are God, is crazier than thinking that you're Napoleon. This delusion bumps up against reality every time that you get stuck in an unexpected traffic jam, or your flight is delayed three hours (causing you to miss your connection), or you get sick on a day when you simply can't afford to miss work.

The best damage control is to realize that you are not in control, like the sign that hung in my bedroom three decades ago: "LET GO AND LET GOD." If you don't surrender control, you will still be sitting on the runway as the hours tick by, but your blood pressure will be catapulting to dangerous levels and you may find yourself shouting at the stewardess or making vain threats never to fly that airline again, even though it's the only one that flies to Xanpliwey.

The day after my Microsoft lesson in letting go, I found myself in an unpalatable position. I had agreed to deliver a welcome basket to an important family arriving in Israel to study Judaism. My assignment was to take a taxi to the neighborhood where they would be staying and to visit with them for fifteen minutes to make them feel comfortable. They were due to arrive on a Friday afternoon. On Thursday I carefully shopped for the perfect assortment of fruit, salads, sushi, chocolates, plus junk food for the children. Then I found the ideal basket. With meticulous care, I arranged each item in the basket.

On Friday at noon, I started phoning the two cell numbers I had been given. They were not turned on. With mounting dismay, as the onset of Shabbat drew nearer and nearer, I kept dialing the numbers, to no avail. My teenage son suggested that I just go and drop off the basket, whether or not they were there, but I responded that the whole point was for me to visit with them. My daughter suggested that maybe they had arrived early in the morning and had turned off their cell phones because they were now sleeping, so I should just go and ring their doorbell. That would be even worse, I pointed out. I'm supposed to make a favorable impression and instead I should annoy them by waking them up?

At 4 o'clock their phones were still turned off. Finally, in desperation, I called a taxi and went. As I sat in the cab in a state of heightened anxiety -- What if they're not there? What if I wake them up? -- I suddenly heard Yaniv's voice: "Let go of the mouse."

I had done everything I could do, and now I was no longer in control.

With a jolt I realized: I had done everything I could do, and now I was no longer in control. God runs the world. It will be the way He wants it. I let go of the mouse, and relaxed.

When I got to the address, I found the landlord watering the garden. I asked for the family who was supposed to be staying upstairs. He informed me that their flight had been rerouted, and they would be arriving in Jerusalem only minutes before Shabbat. He let me into the apartment to drop off my basket and refrigerate the sushi and salads. I left my card with a message of greeting, resolving to call them after Shabbat. And that was that. It didn't work out the way I had planned; it worked out the way God had planned. And who knows which scenario was ultimately better? By letting go of the mouse, I returned home relaxed and content, instead of frustrated and vexed.

THE BETTER CONTROLLER

The second reason to let God be God is that He does a better job of it than we would. Just as relinquishing control of the mouse to Yaniv had yielded a better result than my trying to solve the problem, sometimes we are afforded a glimpse of how God is more qualified than we are to run the world.

Jerusalem resident Hedy Kleiman was visiting her father in Toronto for two weeks. Her father had been chronically ill with kidney disease for eight years. With both of his children living in Israel, he had been well taken care of by his wife. Since her mother's death nine months before, however, Hedy had flown to Toronto twice to help her father. This time she found him weaker than before, but stable.

On Tuesday night she was scheduled to fly home to Israel. At noon on Tuesday the phone rang. It was El Al calling for Hedy. "How did you get my number in Toronto?" Hedy asked, perplexed. The El Al clerk said she had called Hedy's number in Jerusalem, and her son had supplied the Toronto number. El Al was calling to ask Hedy to agree to be bumped from her flight that night. In exchange, El Al would give her a reservation for Thursday night plus a free ticket Tel Aviv-Toronto.

Hedy was nonplussed. She had five children at home to take care of, as well as a job that had already given her more than her share of vacation time. On the other hand, she thought, a free ticket would enable her to return to Toronto for her mother's yahrzeit in April. And why, she wondered uneasily, had El Al selected her, out of hundreds of passengers, to be bumped?

"First of all," responded Hedy, "I can't fly Thursday night. The plane would land on Friday too close to Shabbat. What about Saturday night?"

"Saturday night is solidly booked. The best we can do is give you a reservation for Sunday night."

"I can't decide without speaking to my husband and my boss at work," Heddy waffled, "I'll call you back."

"No, we'll call you back," the El Al clerk insisted. "How many minutes do you need?"

"Ten," Hedy answered. She couldn't reach her husband (who told her later that he would have advised against it), but her boss okayed the extra days. When the El Al clerk called back with uncharacteristic promptness, Hedy agreed to be bumped and fly on Sunday night instead.

Late Saturday night, Hedy's father suddenly felt sick and asked her to call an ambulance. By Sunday morning, he had lost consciousness. Hedy recited "Shema Yisrael" and the traditional "Vidui" [confession] for him. At 11:30 Sunday morning, he died. Thanks to her celestial travel agent, his beloved daughter was at his side.

For Sara Yoheved Rigler’s Spring Tour schedule or to order her new book God Winked, visit her website, www.sararigler.com.

Desert

“I wanna go with you Tatty,” my little girl says.

“Sure, you can come along!”

“Where are you going?” she questions.

And I think. 

She doesn’t even know where her tatty is going yet she wants to go with him.

This must be what it means when Hashem praised the Jewish people with lechteich acharei bamidbar-that we followed Him in the desert, not knowing where we were going.

If you love someone, when they go somewhere, you want to go along with them.

When you feel safe and secure with someone, it doesn’t matter where they are going, you just want to be in their presence.

Just like my daughter.

Just like the Jewish people.

We trusted Hashem. We felt safe in His presence. He took care of us while we were in Mitzrayim, even though at times He put us through so much and we may have felt so distant and so hurt. 

We still called out to Him, even though He was the One causing us to have to work so hard.

We loved Him, even though it was He who made us go through the back-breaking labor.

We connected to Him. 

And we followed Him. Into the desert, the barren land…not because of where we were going, but because Who we were going with.

And by sticking through it all, the rough times in Mitzrayim, the pleasant and not-so-pleasant times in the Midbar, we became who we did. 

The Jewish People. 

The Chosen Nation.

The special people that we are.

Let Go of the Mouse

This is one of my favorite aish articles.

Let Go of the Mouse by Sara Yoheved Rigler

An antidote for control freaks.


Obeying Microsoft's recommendations can lead to catastrophe. That's what happened to me when I innocently clicked on "Yes" in the window that recommended condensing my emails in order to save space on my hard disk. Some 20 minutes later, the job was done -- and my last month and a half of emails had disappeared.

"Don't panic," I told myself. "They must be in there somewhere." But as the specter of dozens of red-flagged emails that direly needed replies began to haunt me, I became increasingly agitated. A frantic 45 seconds later, I called Microsoft Israel's technical support.

Yaniv was reassuring. "Don't worry," he calmed me. "They're in the Recycle Bin on your desktop." Lo and behold, they were! But how to get them back into my Outlook Express?

"Well, it's a little complicated," Yaniv said. "I don't think you'll be able to do it on your own. Are you willing to share control of your computer with me until we solve the problem?"

A person drowning in cyberspace will agree to anything. "Yes, Yes!" I promised.

The first thing he had me do was download the program, "Microsoft Easy Assist." Then a window appeared asking if I was willing to share control of my computer with a Microsoft technical support assistant. "Yes," I clicked emphatically.

A small blue box appeared in the lower right hand corner of my screen. It asked the same question again. Apparently relinquishing control is not so easy for some people. "It's okay, Yaniv," I told him on the phone. "I trust you." I clicked, "Yes," and the little blue box switched messages. Now it assured me that at any time I wanted to withdraw control from the technical support assistant, all I had to do was click the appropriate box. "Why would I want to do that?" I wondered. "He's helping me do what I could never do by myself. I guess some people really have control issues."

"Okay, are you ready?" Yaniv asked.

"Yes."

"Now let go of the mouse."

"Excuse me?"

"Let go of the mouse. I'm going to control your mouse."

Let go of my mouse? I sat there with my hand frozen on my trusty mouse.

"If you want me to restore your emails," Yaniv explained patiently, "You have to let me control your mouse."

I let go.

Like some preternatural Ouija board, my pointer started to move by itself. I was doing nothing. He was doing everything.

Then, like some preternatural Ouija board, my pointer started to move by itself. With my hands tightly folded on my lap and my eyes wide, I saw the pointer moving rapidly and clicking. Every move was accompanied by Yaniv's first-person plural declarations, "Now, we'll click here. Now we'll open up this window. Now we'll right click on this." It was a royal "we." I was doing nothing. He was doing everything.

Ten minutes later the phantom emails were sitting pertly back in my Outlook Express. Yaniv told me to click on the little blue box withdrawing permission for him to control my computer. I did so reluctantly. Obviously, he knew how to run my computer better than I did.

LET GO AND LET GOD

While some of us are worse control freaks than others, all of us resist relinquishing control of our lives to God. We human beings have been in competition with the Almighty ever since Adam and Eve were seduced into eating the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge by the enticement: "You will become like gods."

What's wrong with wanting to control your own life rather than letting God be God?

First of all, thinking that you are in ultimate control of everything that happens to you, which is the same as thinking that you are God, is crazier than thinking that you're Napoleon. This delusion bumps up against reality every time that you get stuck in an unexpected traffic jam, or your flight is delayed three hours (causing you to miss your connection), or you get sick on a day when you simply can't afford to miss work.

The best damage control is to realize that you are not in control, like the sign that hung in my bedroom three decades ago: "LET GO AND LET GOD." If you don't surrender control, you will still be sitting on the runway as the hours tick by, but your blood pressure will be catapulting to dangerous levels and you may find yourself shouting at the stewardess or making vain threats never to fly that airline again, even though it's the only one that flies to Xanpliwey.

The day after my Microsoft lesson in letting go, I found myself in an unpalatable position. I had agreed to deliver a welcome basket to an important family arriving in Israel to study Judaism. My assignment was to take a taxi to the neighborhood where they would be staying and to visit with them for fifteen minutes to make them feel comfortable. They were due to arrive on a Friday afternoon. On Thursday I carefully shopped for the perfect assortment of fruit, salads, sushi, chocolates, plus junk food for the children. Then I found the ideal basket. With meticulous care, I arranged each item in the basket.

On Friday at noon, I started phoning the two cell numbers I had been given. They were not turned on. With mounting dismay, as the onset of Shabbat drew nearer and nearer, I kept dialing the numbers, to no avail. My teenage son suggested that I just go and drop off the basket, whether or not they were there, but I responded that the whole point was for me to visit with them. My daughter suggested that maybe they had arrived early in the morning and had turned off their cell phones because they were now sleeping, so I should just go and ring their doorbell. That would be even worse, I pointed out. I'm supposed to make a favorable impression and instead I should annoy them by waking them up?

At 4 o'clock their phones were still turned off. Finally, in desperation, I called a taxi and went. As I sat in the cab in a state of heightened anxiety -- What if they're not there? What if I wake them up? -- I suddenly heard Yaniv's voice: "Let go of the mouse."

I had done everything I could do, and now I was no longer in control.

With a jolt I realized: I had done everything I could do, and now I was no longer in control. God runs the world. It will be the way He wants it. I let go of the mouse, and relaxed.

When I got to the address, I found the landlord watering the garden. I asked for the family who was supposed to be staying upstairs. He informed me that their flight had been rerouted, and they would be arriving in Jerusalem only minutes before Shabbat. He let me into the apartment to drop off my basket and refrigerate the sushi and salads. I left my card with a message of greeting, resolving to call them after Shabbat. And that was that. It didn't work out the way I had planned; it worked out the way God had planned. And who knows which scenario was ultimately better? By letting go of the mouse, I returned home relaxed and content, instead of frustrated and vexed.

THE BETTER CONTROLLER

The second reason to let God be God is that He does a better job of it than we would. Just as relinquishing control of the mouse to Yaniv had yielded a better result than my trying to solve the problem, sometimes we are afforded a glimpse of how God is more qualified than we are to run the world.

Jerusalem resident Hedy Kleiman was visiting her father in Toronto for two weeks. Her father had been chronically ill with kidney disease for eight years. With both of his children living in Israel, he had been well taken care of by his wife. Since her mother's death nine months before, however, Hedy had flown to Toronto twice to help her father. This time she found him weaker than before, but stable.

On Tuesday night she was scheduled to fly home to Israel. At noon on Tuesday the phone rang. It was El Al calling for Hedy. "How did you get my number in Toronto?" Hedy asked, perplexed. The El Al clerk said she had called Hedy's number in Jerusalem, and her son had supplied the Toronto number. El Al was calling to ask Hedy to agree to be bumped from her flight that night. In exchange, El Al would give her a reservation for Thursday night plus a free ticket Tel Aviv-Toronto.

Hedy was nonplussed. She had five children at home to take care of, as well as a job that had already given her more than her share of vacation time. On the other hand, she thought, a free ticket would enable her to return to Toronto for her mother's yahrzeit in April. And why, she wondered uneasily, had El Al selected her, out of hundreds of passengers, to be bumped?

"First of all," responded Hedy, "I can't fly Thursday night. The plane would land on Friday too close to Shabbat. What about Saturday night?"

"Saturday night is solidly booked. The best we can do is give you a reservation for Sunday night."

"I can't decide without speaking to my husband and my boss at work," Heddy waffled, "I'll call you back."

"No, we'll call you back," the El Al clerk insisted. "How many minutes do you need?"

"Ten," Hedy answered. She couldn't reach her husband (who told her later that he would have advised against it), but her boss okayed the extra days. When the El Al clerk called back with uncharacteristic promptness, Hedy agreed to be bumped and fly on Sunday night instead.

Late Saturday night, Hedy's father suddenly felt sick and asked her to call an ambulance. By Sunday morning, he had lost consciousness. Hedy recited "Shema Yisrael" and the traditional "Vidui" [confession] for him. At 11:30 Sunday morning, he died. Thanks to her celestial travel agent, his beloved daughter was at his side.

For Sara Yoheved Rigler’s Spring Tour schedule or to order her new book God Winked, visit her website, www.sararigler.com.

Chanukah - What is Bitachon?

HaRav Mattisyahu Salomon Shlita, recently provided fundamental introductory words to the Yom Tov of Chanukah. Chanukah teaches us yesodos, basics, in bitachon. With the mighty falling into the hands of the weak, the many losing battle after battle to the few, a little bit of oil lasting eight days, we learn that natural law, statistics and probability are not relevant to the Ba’al bitachon. What happened in the past is by no means determinative that the same will happen again in the future. On the other hand, bitachon in Hashem does not mean that we are confident that whatever we want to happen will happen. What is bitachon?

The Rabbeinu Yonah teaches that bitachon is hope. When statistics say that something is impossible, K’lal Yisroel still has hope, for Hashem can do anything. What we simply do not know is if Hashem, as the HaTov and HaMaitiv wants it to happen. We don’t know and often cannot see the Tov in events that occur. This is where the next step in bitachon comes in. We believe that notwithstanding our subjective hope, what really happens is all good. One may have davened for what he thought was good for him, but when the opposite occurred, Hashem indicated that in reality what he davened for was not the best for him. When we properly exercise our bitachon, we do not know what the outcome will be, for it depends on the Cheshbonos of the Ribbono Shel Olam.

Chanukah teaches that “Ain Od Melvado-there is nothing but His Will” is really the metziyus, the reality. In everyday life, this is hidden by nature, but in special moments (such as Chanukah and Purim, and perhaps other special times in a person’s life), Hashem makes it visible. It was a clear statistical impossibility for thirteen people (no matter how able bodied they were) to defeat tens of thousands. Hashem willed otherwise-and the rest is history that we celebrate -which reignites the flame of bitachon within us every year.

HaRav Salomon continues with a beautiful teaching of HaRav Chaim Volozhiner, Z’tl (in Sefer Ruach Chaim to Avos 2:4). There, HaRav Chaim brings the famous Kepital in Tehillim (23)--”Hashem Roii Lo Echsar-Hashem is my shepherd-I will lack nothing.” Dovid HaMelech compares himself to a sheep whose whole existence depends on the shepherd. He leads them in a way that they won’t be injured-all is for their benefit even if they have no understanding. Dovid HaMelech teaches us all to follow the shepherd and feel secure, for even if one may be tired and harassed, he can have full confidence that the shepherd is leading him in the path that is really best. Sometimes we see the good, but often it is not visible. Knowing this, the Shivtecha-the stick that hits me, and Mishantecha-the stick that I lean upon, are really the same stick. Thus, Heimah Yenachamuni-they together assuage me because I have bitachon that everything is LeTova-for the good-for it all comes from the One who is All Good.

At the end of this week's Parsha, Parshas Vayeisheiv, Yosef HaTzaddik places some eminently justifiable reliance on the Sar Hamashkim-after all that he did for him. However, the end was, as the last word of the Parsha testifies-Vayishkacheihu-and he forgot him. [On the other hand, Dovid Hamelech exclaims-V’shavti Bevais Hashem L’Orech Yomim-I look to nothing else and to no one else, other than dwelling together with Hashem for length of days.] With this, Yosef learned that our hallmark for survival in galus among all those around us who in fact do us a favor if they only ‘forget us’-is looking to Hashem for anything and everything. The lesson learned is quickly brought into practice in next week’s Parsha as Yosef starkly and clearly advises Paroah, Biladai-it is not me, it is Hashem who makes all determinations and all decisions, and it is to Him that we must turn-in all dreams, and in all realities!

(Taken from a recent Hakhel post.)

Leaving Mitzraim - Beyond Logic

A very special someone went to a shiur by Rebbetzin Fink and highlighted two important and inspiring thoughts to share with all of you.

Do you ever wonder why 80 percent of Bnei Yisrael didn't want to go out of Mitzraim?
How many of us think that we would belong to the 20 percent that left Mitzraim? Don't we all think we would?

The Rambam says: What was so hard about leaving Mitzraim? It's like trying to convince an unborn baby to come into the world. Try to have a dialogue with an unborn baby. You say- "Come out into the world, You'll be able to do so many mitzvos and ma'asim tovim. There is so much you can do!" So the baby says "What's it gonna be like?" And you say " As soon as you come into this world, your lungs will be inflated and you will come out of the water." So the baby says "I would love to come into the world and do many mitzvos, but you are not realistic! You have to be reasonable! For me to survive, My lungs have to be completely deflated and I have to be submerged in water. So how do you expect me come out?" So you say " I know! The way you are now, this is what you need, but as soon as you come out to the world, things will be different! Whatever is fatal to you inside of the mother is vital to you outside the mother and vise versa!" So would anyone of YOU be convinced by such a logical argument???

Well, that's how much Bitachon it took for Klall Yisrael to be convinced to leave Mitzraim. They thought- realistically what will we live on?? So the answer would be, "Don't worry, if you follow HK"BH, You won't have to worry about those things." So 80 percent were very realistic.

The Torah is given to people who are unrealistic, because Torah is lemalah miderech hatevah. Klall Yisrael had in them the potential to live like that but it only emerged once they came out of Mitzraim. That's when the potential would be actualized! Yitzias Mitzraim-was to take them out to be their own independent self! When they were in Mitzraim, they were not independent!

To another person, it doesn't make sense to do certain things, to believe in Hashem and to trust Him! Certain aspects of bitachon are where the logic ends and the heart kicks in. We do not only follow Hashem when it makes sense to us, but also when we don't understand how things will work out, where the money will come from, where the shidduch will come from, how we will get a job, how we will make peace between two angry parties, where will that persons refuah come from when s/he is so sick...but when a person trusts in Hashem they KNOW that He can make things happen even if it looks like there is no hope! It does not make logical sense for certain things to happen but a person who has full, true emunah knows that Hashem is our loving Father and He can do anything!!

Another point about Pesach that I heard is that when you look at the Halochos of the Seder, there is a basic theme that runs through the whole seder, and that is that we have to be K'bnei Meluchim- you have to act like you are children of the king!

All people in general, are slaves to their desires. What is a melech? Who can consider themself a king?
A king is someone who knows how to control their desires.That is really a king! Not just to sit like a king, dress like a king, and having a table set for a king, but it is being able to have control over the 3 basic areas in your life.

The word MELECH stands for: 1. MEM stands for: Moach- (mind) 2. LAMED stands for: Lev- (heart) 3. CHAF stands for: Kavaid (Tayva-desire)
Having control over these 3 things, makes the person into a melech! But that is only if you put the Mem first. Because if you put the Mem last, that makes up KLUM- which means nothing! The idea of the lel seder is to be able to actualize the potential of being a melech- having the Moach first, and having that mind control the lev and the kavaid -to have control over your thoughts, feelings and physical desires.

So we all want to be like a melech and the more we act like a melech, the more we show that Hashem is Melech!

Chanukah - What is Bitachon?

HaRav Mattisyahu Salomon Shlita, recently provided fundamental introductory words to the Yom Tov of Chanukah. Chanukah teaches us yesodos, basics, in bitachon. With the mighty falling into the hands of the weak, the many losing battle after battle to the few, a little bit of oil lasting eight days, we learn that natural law, statistics and probability are not relevant to the Ba’al bitachon. What happened in the past is by no means determinative that the same will happen again in the future. On the other hand, bitachon in Hashem does not mean that we are confident that whatever we want to happen will happen. What is bitachon?

The Rabbeinu Yonah teaches that bitachon is hope. When statistics say that something is impossible, K’lal Yisroel still has hope, for Hashem can do anything. What we simply do not know is if Hashem, as the HaTov and HaMaitiv wants it to happen. We don’t know and often cannot see the Tov in events that occur. This is where the next step in bitachon comes in. We believe that notwithstanding our subjective hope, what really happens is all good. One may have davened for what he thought was good for him, but when the opposite occurred, Hashem indicated that in reality what he davened for was not the best for him. When we properly exercise our bitachon, we do not know what the outcome will be, for it depends on the Cheshbonos of the Ribbono Shel Olam.

Chanukah teaches that “Ain Od Melvado-there is nothing but His Will” is really the metziyus, the reality. In everyday life, this is hidden by nature, but in special moments (such as Chanukah and Purim, and perhaps other special times in a person’s life), Hashem makes it visible. It was a clear statistical impossibility for thirteen people (no matter how able bodied they were) to defeat tens of thousands. Hashem willed otherwise-and the rest is history that we celebrate -which reignites the flame of bitachon within us every year.

HaRav Salomon continues with a beautiful teaching of HaRav Chaim Volozhiner, Z’tl (in Sefer Ruach Chaim to Avos 2:4). There, HaRav Chaim brings the famous Kepital in Tehillim (23)--”Hashem Roii Lo Echsar-Hashem is my shepherd-I will lack nothing.” Dovid HaMelech compares himself to a sheep whose whole existence depends on the shepherd. He leads them in a way that they won’t be injured-all is for their benefit even if they have no understanding. Dovid HaMelech teaches us all to follow the shepherd and feel secure, for even if one may be tired and harassed, he can have full confidence that the shepherd is leading him in the path that is really best. Sometimes we see the good, but often it is not visible. Knowing this, the Shivtecha-the stick that hits me, and Mishantecha-the stick that I lean upon, are really the same stick. Thus, Heimah Yenachamuni-they together assuage me because I have bitachon that everything is LeTova-for the good-for it all comes from the One who is All Good.

At the end of this week's Parsha, Parshas Vayeisheiv, Yosef HaTzaddik places some eminently justifiable reliance on the Sar Hamashkim-after all that he did for him. However, the end was, as the last word of the Parsha testifies-Vayishkacheihu-and he forgot him. [On the other hand, Dovid Hamelech exclaims-V’shavti Bevais Hashem L’Orech Yomim-I look to nothing else and to no one else, other than dwelling together with Hashem for length of days.] With this, Yosef learned that our hallmark for survival in galus among all those around us who in fact do us a favor if they only ‘forget us’-is looking to Hashem for anything and everything. The lesson learned is quickly brought into practice in next week’s Parsha as Yosef starkly and clearly advises Paroah, Biladai-it is not me, it is Hashem who makes all determinations and all decisions, and it is to Him that we must turn-in all dreams, and in all realities!

(Taken from a recent Hakhel post.)