Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Positive Speech

How can we improve the way we speak?

Positive Word Power, an amazing book on the topic of Speaking Positively is not just recommended reading. It is a truly essential work, which will help you learn how to speak in a more positive way and will give you practical guidelines for effective growth - both in the areas of personal development and in interpersonal relationships. If you do not have it yet, it is a good idea to buy it, study it and really apply its useful and true-to-life lessons.

The sefer is actually arranged in short and poignant daily lessons. Below is a sample of a Daily Lesson. Even for those who are already studying the book, the following can certainly be read, reread, and reread (and applied!).

“I just want you to know how much we enjoy having your son around,” Leah told her friend, Tova. Leah lived in Israel, where Tova’s son was learning in yeshivah. He spent many a Shabbos with Leah and her family, eager as he was to enjoy a family atmosphere and home cooking. Tova sometimes wondered if he wasn’t perhaps overusing his welcome.

“He’s so helpful and such a terrific addition to the table,” Leah enthused. Later on, when Tova spoke to her son, she was happy to relate her friend’s warm words. Her son was happy to hear that his presence was welcome. He felt valued and good that he was seen as someone with something to offer. Thereafter, each time he visited Leah's family for Shabbos, he aimed to enhance his reputation further. He made sure to bring an especially interesting Dvar Torah, he brought puzz1es and games for the family’s children, and cake from the bakery for the family to enjoy. He wanted to maintain his status as a "terrific addition," and he did.

Everyone is well aware of the negative impact of hearing unkind words passed along about oneself. People do not often consider, however, the ripple effects of good words being passed along. Everyone loves to hear that something nice was said about them. It enhances their self-esteem, and more importantly, it builds their desire to continue doing the good thing for which they were praised. The child who was told, "Your teacher says you always have interesting ideas to add to the class discussion," will look forward to the next opportunity to raise his/her hand in class. The husband who is told, "Your wife always quotes your opinion," will feel honored and admired by his wife, thereby encouraging him to continue earning her respect. The wife who hears, "You husband says he couldn't manage anything without you," will be happy to dig in and provide the support her husband counts on.

People long to feel acknowledged and appreciated. Praising someone to his face is one way to convey this recognition, yet there is always the lingering thought that perhaps the praise is meant "just to be nice." When a person hears that he was praised to another, the praise rings that much truer, for there can be no ulterior motive. Aaron HaKohen employed this method to foster peace and friendship among the Jewish people. He would tell each person how much the other person valued him, thereby building friendship and warmth. Often, we hear good things about someone, but fail to pass it on. It just takes a little awareness to tuck that compliment away and bring it out when it counts. Doing so takes the positive power of the comment itself and amplifies it a thousand times over, giving someone the encouragement to keep on doing what they do well, and the blessing of knowing they are appreciated.

Remember, when you hear a compliment or a positive statement about someone, you should try to pass it on to the subject of the comment.

Reproduced from Positive Word Power
by the Chofetz Chaim Heritage Foundation with permission from the copyright holders at Artscroll/Mesorah Publications, LTD.

8 comments:

  1. This post was totally uplifting! It's amazing how words have an energy of their own to do (hopefully) wonderful things with each other. Thank you for sharing this article... :)

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  2. Wow thanx so much 4 sharing this!
    I have a small question on this though(not again!lol!-2 many questions!)isnt it not good to give to many complaments infront of s/o? Also like When wanting to praise s/o like a lot aren't we not allowed/ suppost2 do it in front of the person? i mean i remember learning(or did i?)that When mirriam spoke L"H about Moshe to Aharon-Hashem wanteed to speek to them in a tent or s/t and told Moshe not to come in to here What He was going to say-b/e he was praising him or s/t-and i think Rashi says that from here we learn that we arent suppost to say e/t that good about a person infront of them...or s/t of the sort...i didnt just make that up i hope...or did i?...
    The truth is that i realy dont know what kind of book is 4 me i got loads of advice and im trying to find a book thats good4 me(and Raizy W.-4 those who know her so that we could learn together)Any suggest.? should we try this 1?b/e we do learn it on the hotline!:) The books that we tryd were either hard 4us to understand or we knew about the information of it....

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  3. Thanks, Ruchiccio for your comment! Yes, it is amazing how much we can do when we use our words in the right way! I think this is a different way of looking at it - instead of just complimenting people (which we can and should do too), this tells us that we can go back to someone and tell them the nice things we heard about them from others!

    Liat-First of all, don't apologize for asking! It's always good to ask questions, it shows you are thinking and more than that, questions bring you to...surprise! Answers!! lol that's what we want to do, give you answers to your questions! So keep them coming!!

    It is true that a person should not say too much good about someone else in front of them. But that doesn't mean people shouldn't say nice things about others at all! It's all about keeping a balance. When you have something nice to say about someone, you don't have to hold it back because you are afraid of saying too much! A person always feels good when someone says something nice about them! So tell them - I heard such and such about you! It will make them feel so good and so happy!!

    This book is definitely a good start - I don't know what other ones you have tried but you can view the sample pages on the website (click on the link in this blog post to go to the site) and see if it looks like something that "talks to you" and something you can understand and grow from together.

    Hatzlacha!!

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  4. Liat, another really good book you can read through is The Gift of Speech, by Rabbi Shimon Finkelman. http://www.artscroll.com/Books/gosp.html

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  5. thanx for posting. its sio nice to reconnect with camp friends and everyone else.also its so nice to to have a web site where every one can come to gether and grow spiritually. wow this is not so me but anyway.

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  6. Yes I most defenately agree.
    I have the book and learn it almost every night.
    It brings real life senerios that cahange you.

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  7. i dont have a prob. keeping back coments -i just dont know wats 2 much-i mean how do u know when 2 stop?mabe lets just say besides u-s/o els is also complamenting this person-so w/ mine and this ather person it might be just like 2 much-but u don know that so youll just end up sayn more-and that might be 2 much(that besides if you are the only one complamenting how do u know when its 2 much?...)
    also i find that sometimes ppl. seem a little embarest sometimes when ppl. talk/complament in front of other ppl.-is that 2 much? like once we c that its embarresing does that mean that its also2 much? thanks 4 responding!

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  8. I once remember learning that our power of speech creates the distinction between us and animals. Why? because speech allows us to do things that animals cannot. for example, to teach others, compliment or comfort someone, the list is endless! Yet, at the same time, we have to be so careful that our mouths are only used properly. It reminds me of the mashal of a fire. Fire can provide heat and warmth for so many people on a bitterly cold night. But at the same time, fire can burn and spread, and cause such detriment, chas vashalom. It is how we utilize our capabiilities in life that defines if our actions are good or bad.

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