Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Understanding Pain - Part 2

Here's the question that was submitted anonymously using the form on the right.

When trying to help a loved one in a time of
nisayon, its so easy for you to just say "it's from Hashem". But when you are the one going through a nisayon, knowing its all from Hashem doesn't make you feel any better. Although you know its from Hashem, the next world seems so far off and you can't imagine why He is putting you through this. What can help you, in your moment of pain, realize that everything is really for the best?

Make sure to read
Part 1 of the answer.


There are other reasons why Hashem put pain into this world. You need to strengthen yourself at all times - especially when things are good - that everything is from Him and everything happens for a good reason. Why during the good times do you need to strengthen your
emunah in Him? Because this will lay the foundation - this will be the groundwork - so that when things get hard you will have what to fall back on. You will feel it so strongly in your heart that it's all from Him and for the best!

I always say this but I'll say it again. People ask my family how we were all so strong and dealt with my brother's passing the way we did. When people came to be
menachem avel they couldn't believe how much chizuk they got. They thought they would have to comfort us but they left our house feeling truly uplifted. (Now don't get the wrong message - people definitely gave us a TON of chizuk during the shiva but at the same time, we were also able to strengthen those who came.)

So how were we able to stay so strong? It's because we didn't start working on our
emunah the moment the hardship came along. It's something that was part and parcel of the chinuch in our home. It's the way my mother raised us. Always bringing Hashem into the picture. Showing us how we have to trust in Him at all times. And she was able to lay down such a strong, solid foundation of emunah and instill in our hearts such a firm belief in Hashem so when this came our way (and it was HARD, don't get me wrong), we were able to continue strengthening ourselves and others.

It's also important to notice Hashem in the little things that happen. Because when you remember to acknowledge every happening to Him - especially the little things - making the bus, finding a parking space, having a good meal for dinner, getting along with your neighbors/friends/coworkers, it strengthens you and will help you continue to trust in Him when the bigger and harder things come your way. You'll know it so strongly in your heart of hearts that no matter what is going on it's because Hashem loves you!

Every so often, look at yourself in the mirror and say, "Hashem loves me just because I'm His child." This can be a very powerful and empowering experience - reminding yourself time and again that He loves you!

Another reason why Hashem may put you through a certain difficult experience is to get you to work on a certain middah and this is the best way to get you to work on that specific thing. You may need to work on your patience or your anger but if things went smoothly you would not need to work on it at all! How could a person who never had anyone rub them the wrong way work on controlling their anger? How could someone who never encountered someone different than them work on their patience?

When a teacher has a student who doesn't grasp the concept she is trying to teach as quickly as the rest of the class, she has to work on finding a way to explain it clearly to her. But if all her students just "got it" right away, there would be no challenge and she wouldn't perfect her teaching skills.

Your skills in this world get perfected, you are able to deal with people who are different than you, when things are a little difficult - not when things are smooth! Because easy times don't cause any changes on your part! It's the hardships that make you notice that you have to change certain things about yourself and the way you relate to others!

And there's still more to say...

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