Working on Middos

At times, you may have to deal with people who are different than you. It can be difficult and it can be frustrating but the most important thing to remind yourself is that you have to let it pass and not let it get to you. Tell yourself that Hashem put you in this situation so that you can work on refining your middos and become more tolerant of others.

Every person has their quirks and the things that make them tick. It may be hard to deal with people who are not exactly like you and do things differently than the way you are used to. But by telling yourself over and over again that Hashem is giving you an opportunity to work on yourself you will grow from the experience instead of just becoming annoyed.

Every person has positive qualities. So if someone is doing something that bothers you, a good way to deal with it is look out for the good – notice the things you like about them or the things they are good at so that you can get past the things that make you frustrated.

When someone does something and you cannot understand why, try to be dan l’kaf zechus. There are so many reasons why someone would do something that at first glance makes no sense or why they would not be able to do a favor for you. Think of a time when you were in a similar situation and think of what the reasons were that you did what you did.

I heard a great way to excel in this area – judging favorably. If you would be in the same situation, what excuse would you come up with for yourself to explain why that happened?

We are all so good at excusing ourselves. When we do something that looks wrong, we have so many ways to explain our actions. When someone asks us to do a favor for them, we come up with so many reasons why we couldn’t. I was too tired. I didn’t realize what you meant. It was a misunderstanding. I was busy. I was on the phone. I didn’t hear your message. I totally heard wrong! I thought you said you wanted me to…I was away. I was sleeping. I was preoccupied with something else. I needed to relax and couldn’t jump up and run to help you right when you asked.

We have so many ways to say the (almost) same thing! It just wasn’t a good time for me.

So why is it that when someone tells you they can’t do it does it bother you so much? She’s also human! She is also allowed to have her reasons for not being available at the exact second that you needed her!

Come up with excuses for your friends when they do things that are not the way you wanted them to be. Slowly, you will become an expert at judging them favorably. This will help eliminate stress and disappointment and a lot of arguments can be avoided.

Now’s the time to work on polishing our middos until they shine!