Building Patience

I wanted to share an incredible lesson that can be learned from Pirkei Avos of last week.

Chazal teach (Avos 5:2) that there were ten generations between Adom HaRishon and Noach in order for us to understand the degree of Hashem’s Erech Apayim, Hashem’s patience - for ten generations acted wickedly before Hashem brought the Mabul to the world. The very next Mishna (5:3) then continues that there were ten generations from Noach to Avrohom Avinu so that we could, once again, see the degree of Hashem’s patience, in forestalling taking a Mabul-kind of action against the people until Avrohom Avinu came and single-handedly saved the world.

There is a profound lesson to be derived from the juxtaposition of these two Mishnayos.
If we see Hashem’s great patience in forbearing punishment for ten generations before bringing the flood, why do we need to hear about His forestalling for the same number of generations the second time as well? What does it add for us?

The answer provides us with a significant instruction for daily life.

Even if one has worked very hard at controlling himself, at building his patience, at being calm and not angered, there may come a time with respect to a particular person or event in which he fails to restrain himself, and lets out his frustration on a particular person or the people around him. Once this has occurred, one can well rationalize that his Middah of Erech Apayim can (and perhaps even should!) in the future be compromised as to that person or those people - for, after all, he has already tried to be complacent and accepting, tolerant and calm with them, and his attempt at composure and equanimity had failed because the conduct or the situation could simply be tolerated no longer.

Such could be the rationale of an employer vis-à-vis a particular employee, a husband regarding his wife (or vice versa), a parent with his child, a customer with her cleaning help or her customer service representative, or between two students, two neighbors or two friends.

The Mishna in Avos, however, has us appreciate how Hashem Himself dealt with a very similar situation. After ten generations of waiting, Hashem had to bring a flood on the world to allow the world to start again rather than self-destruct forever. If, however, after the flood the people reverted in some way to evil again, one would think they would have only a generation’s chance or two, but ten generations again?! They had already proven themselves to be undeserving, ungracious and intolerable. There was no need to exhibit patience and control to the same degree the second time as the first time! After all, this was a repeat offender!

No, says Hashem, whose Middos it is our life’s goal to emulate, one’s patience is not peeled away and worn thin because of a past history, frustration, exasperating annoyance, an irritating personality or irksome manner. Rather, the same ten generation wait the first time must be true the second time as well. The prize for the Erech Apayim - for the unrelenting perseverance, for not succumbing to all the evil perpetrated by him or her, them or they, was Avrohom Avinu who saved not only his generation but the world and world history forever.

It is no coincidence (as it never is) that this lesson appears and reverberates particularly at this time of year, when we must bone-up on our ability to be Ma’avir on our Middos - to overcome the situations and events, personalities and people who or which have proven themselves to be difficult, thorny, trying , exasperating and even infuriating. Even if the Mabul did come, Hashem teaches us that we must start again at generation one the next time around as well. Impatience does not gets accelerated, and composure must reign, just as it did the first time!

Perhaps the ten generations are the source for the advice to count to ten before saying something that you may regret, taking action that is usually not part of your personality or otherwise losing your mental processes, poise or self-control. Try starting by giving everyone a second chance this week (if you have to start somewhere, start with family) for by having done so, you will have given yourself a second chance as well!

Taken from today's Hakhel post.