The mitzvah of tznius is suuuch a special mitzvah and it’s really sad that there are so many girls who were not taught about it the right way! They were told that they cannot wear this, should not wear that, should close their button, this is too tight, this is too showy, the skirt is too short etc. and this can really turn you off! Is that all there is to this mitzvah?! Am I defined by what I wear and that’s it?! Is there anything deeper over here or is it all about what I wear?!
I would like to try to answer and explain this mitzvah because once you realize it, you will see and understand that we are so lucky to be able to be tznius! Yes, lucky!!!!
So what is this mitzvah all about?! Why is there so much emphasis on covering my body?
The explanation is really amazing (and this is not only one way to explain it – there are many other ways to explain this special mitzvah!) and it will make you feel so special about yourself.
Okay, here goes…
When something is really precious, we take great care in covering it and protecting it from the outside and we save it only for those special times when we will need it.
For example, look at the sefer torah – it is so, so precious that we are extremely careful with it, we don’t leave it on the bookshelf for everyone to see and touch! Rather, we keep it covered with a few coverings. The sefer torah actually has 4 coverings. It has an elastic clasp to tie it, a velvet mantel to cover it, it is placed in the aron kodesh and then the aron kodesh is covered with a paroches – that beautiful curtain. These four coverings correspond to the four places in a woman’s body that she covers – her legs, elbows, collar bone and (after she is married, her) hair.
Now is that all?! Certainly not!!! If a woman covers these 4 parts, does that mean she has fulfilled this mitzvah?!
Here’s a cute joke just to make you smile…
Amelia Bedilia trys to look modest…She came into a religious home on roller blades and everyone there thought she must be the worlds greatest roller blader (is that a word?!). Of course, she was wearing elbow pads and knee pads to keep her safe, right?! When they asked her if she was professional at roller blading, she answered, “No! I’m just trying to be modest! I heard that I need to cover my elbows and knees and I was never in a Jewish home before so that’s what I did!” Just to mention, she was wearing short sleeves and pants!! Covering those parts are not all there is to this mitzvah…
Another example is that a person who has a diamond will not carry it out in the open, rather, he will keep it covered in a special case and wrapped in a special cloth. You are a diamond! You are precious! You are not just any worthless 25-cent-machine-ring that a little kid puts on her finger and shows off to all her friends!! Your body is precious! Hashem made you beautiful and he wants you to save your body for the right time!!
When you have something special, you save it. Just like a beautiful wedding outfit or shabbos suit – you keep it in your closet for when you need it. The more special something is, the more careful you are with it. And then when you get to enjoy it, it is so much more special because you saved it properly! If you wore your shabbos clothing every day, it wouldn’t be special in your eyes! But the fact that you save it makes it all the more special! It’s the same thing with your body – it is special, precious and beautiful! If you save it and are careful with the way you dress, it will be that much more special and exciting when the right time comes!!!
Another thing – dressing in a way that’s modest means that you are dressing in a way that does not attract attention to your body. When a person wears clothing that emphasizes different parts of their body, they are taking away from who they really are. What does this mean?!
I want to be looked at as a person who has depth and meaning. When somebody looks at me, I want them to think, “I want to get to know that person for who she really is…” There’s more to me than my outside! I am a human being with thoughts and feelings. I am not just my body! There’s so much more to who I am!!! When I dress in the right way, I am making sure that others who see me think the same thing! I want them to want to get to know me!! When I look at my non-Jewish neighbors walking down the street in the tightest jeans ever (how did they ever put them on?! Lol), do you know what I think??? I think, "I feel so bad for her! Her whole life is revolved around her body and how she can dress in a way that will make guys look at her! Does she ever think about the fact that there is more to her than her body?! Every time she gets dressed, she probably thinks about what the guys will say! Is that all there is to life?! Is there any depth to this person?!" Okay, her body happens to be covered in a pair of jeans but looking at her makes me think of her body and nothing else!! I don’t think of her as a person, I see her as a body!!
Am I just my body? I don’t want people to look at me as a body and disregard the rest of me! There’s so much more to me! so dressing in a way that attracts attention to my body makes people look away from what’s really there – a neshama, a person with depth, personality, thoughts and feelings…
More to come soon iyh...but in the meantime, please let me know what you think about this. Thanks!
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
wow, thanks so much for posting this! it is so great to read new perspectives on tznius.. it is so important the the positive is accentuated or else it seems like such a difficult thing to be tznius... and when it comes to tznius, a thousand and half ideas, thoughts and stories come to mind...
ReplyDeletethanks so much for this post!
yeh! i do like this approach! are you saying that a woman is compared to a sefer torah or is it just that they both have 4 coverings??
ReplyDeleteyour helping us realize that its not a bad thing to cover up it could be good! thats pretty cool!
so why is it sooo hard!
why do we get yelled at it def. doea not make us want it??
thanks so much tzadekes for putting all your heart and soul into inspiring us! you gave it over in a such a warm loving way!!
ReplyDeleteyou are def. a walking sefer torah! thank you for being soo special with every breathe you take! by the way everyone dev. lives what she teaches! when she was preg. with her tzaddik Shalom Baruch she said to me "i want to wear clothing that are not too fitted and this will give me a bracha for easy labor and a child who will grow up to be a tzaddik is it worth it?" so she went and bought only extra large maternity outfits!! Hashem rewarded her, when she gave birth it went sooo smoothly, that when i came to visit her i could not believe she had just had a baby!! she was sooo chilled out acting like sooo normal! this was her gift! it sure is worth it!
this is the first time I'm on this site but chaya sara wow wow Hashem should just giv u a lot of bracha 4 inspiring so many ppl and devora i x knw hu u r but thanx 4 giving tznius a whole new meaning u made this mitzva go from "bitter tasting to sweet".... it'll still be a natural struggle im sure but hopefully now i will embrace it rather than push it away
ReplyDeleteRD - I'd love to hear the thoughts and stories that come to your mind on this topic - wanna share some?!
ReplyDelete1st Anon - I'm saying that a woman is compared to a sefer torah because she is so precious!! One way to show the comparison is that we have 4 coverings and the sefer torah also does. Also, the sefer torah is beautiful but we save it for special times, we don't keep it out in the open, we keep it protected from the outside. The same with the woman. She is beautiful and we keep her protected (covered) and save her beauty for special times - when she is married!!
It's hard when you get yelled at for the things you are wearing, but hopefully you will be able to see the positive side of this special mitzvah because it is so great! Why is it so hard? Because the reward is so great! Iyh I'll get to that in another post, but if it was so easy and it was no big deal to dress modestly, then the reward wouldn't be as big...
2nd Anon - I'm happy to hear that you are enjoying this blog! I'm Chaya Sara's lucky sister...
Thank you so much for giving me this oppertunity to gain inspiration in this amazing Mitzva of Tznius! Tznius is definetly not an easy Mitzva for me(sometimes an inch shorter in the skirt really does make me feel cuter ect.), but after reading this i feel so proud and lucky to be able to keep this mitzva!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Hadassa for your comments!! I'm happy to hear that you are enjoying this blog!
ReplyDeleteguys i just want to thank you so much for your comments!! since when we get comments it makes the blog feel like its alive and people are really enjoying it!! pls tell us what topics you want us to bring up since we have soo much we want to share we just need your ideas!!
ReplyDeletemay we all be zoche to just give HAshem Nachas through all this inspiration!!
thanks so much!!
Personally, I've come a long way in tzniut, but sadly i don't enjoy the mitzvah. It drives me crazy that I have to spend hours in front of a fitting room mirror trying to figure out whether or not something's tzanuah. This is in spite of the fact that it was my own decision to be careful with tightness, skirt length, etc.
ReplyDeleteBeside for that, I have yet to find a shell that acvtually covers my neck properly, so I've been wearing the same turtleneck every week.
Something else that's really troubling me is the fact that I always considered myself to be a decent Jew but normal at the same time, but I recently went to a friend's house and her parents were expecting my father to be chassidish because "I was so frum". This is NOT the impression I want to be giving off. Not that I have any problem with chassidim; that's just not who I am.
Any advice?
Chaya sara& Devorah-
ReplyDeletecould we have more on tzniut, shmirat halashon,and just step-by step on how to connect w/ Hashem? like that klip that u have showed b4-chaya sara-when u were talking-i started doing it btw but i dontget it when u wake up in the morning and say modeh ani-and thanking Hashem for making me alive and im in a happy mood in the morning it doesnt realy last its only 4 a few min-how do u do that?please tell us more things like that.....
btw why do only once your married do u have to cover your head? i mean im very in to tzniut and everything but i never got this....?
for those who would like to know a lot about tzniut-like learning it every day-try reading the "Dauters of Dignity" its very good and sure did take me far!btwis that wear u got the thing about the torah?
Liat, that's a great question!
ReplyDeleteThere are many answers to why women cover their hair after they get married. I'll just share one of them with you.
Before I got married, I had this same question and I read about it in Rabbi Falks Oz V'Hodor Levushah which explained it in a really beautiful way. (I have never read through the whole thing but I did find that the hashkafah written there is AMAZING!)
So he said that a woman covers her hair after she is married to show that she is already taken and not available to any other men. Generally, a man should not be looking at women just to see if they are pretty. But he is allowed to look at a single girl and see if he is attracted to her. So a woman who covers her hair is saying to everyone around her, "Don't check me out! I'm already taken! I'm married to someone and you cannot look at me!!"
So one purpose of covering her hair is so that no man will stumble and look at her thinking she is "available" for marriage.
There are many other reasons for this mitzvah. I'll try and see if I can find any other ones for you and post them here.
Hope this helps!
Liat, there's a very good article from Aish.com called On Hair Covering, which explains a lot about covering hair. I'll copy and paste the parts that was really good and if you want, you can read through the whole thing.
ReplyDeleteThe Almighty, in His great Wisdom, has provided us with the laws of Tzniut, variously translated as modesty, privacy. Better yet, Tzniut is the de-emphasis of the outer self that enables the essential self to emerge. Practically speaking, this means that our behavior in speech, dress, and in the way we carry ourselves should convey the message to ourselves primarily and to others secondarily that I need to be attractive and not attracting.
Attracting undue attention to my physical self proclaims that the totality of my person inheres in the physical presentation, that what you see is what you get. In contrast, when I am private and modest in my demeanor and to the extent I expose only that which is appropriate, my statement is that my body, important as it is, is no more than a vehicle for my essence. I am making the statement that it is indeed my character, my personality, my attributes which are the expression of the image of God in which I am created.
Consider the absurd end of the spectrum -- the tabloids and the various magazines at the checkout counters, the flaunting of flesh that screams "Look at me!" "This is who I am!" Where is the sense of the greater dignity that emanates from the fact that one's essence is drawn from God Himself? Clearly, there is no appreciation that there is so much more to a human being than their configuration which, no matter how impressive, ultimately has no enduring existence. In the end, everything that is physical wanes, dies and decays. It is only our internal spirit which is part and parcel of the Almighty that is eternal and timeless...
...For observant women who are tuned in and listen carefully, the mitzvah of Tzniut -- of dressing modestly and covering one's hair after marriage -- serve as a powerful medium to raise our consciousness and maintain our awareness that we must be inner directed. The hair, which is a woman's 'crowning beauty,' is covered when a woman leaves the confines of her home. In a sense, her full beauty is reserved exclusively for her husband. The foreign object, be it a hat or wig, no matter how attractive, is foreign, nonetheless, and constantly reminds a woman to focus on the inner beauty inside of her.
In a behavioral way when we go out there to interface with the powerful world of illusion, we center ourselves with a reality check. We cover our hair in an attempt to somewhat conceal our external selves, so that we might reveal and plug into the internal.
The commentators note that a woman covers her eyes when she lights the Shabbat candles, to block out the external world -- that which is only virtual reality -- so that she might apprehend the true, real world of the spirit. Similarly, when we recite the Shema, our ultimate statement of faith in God, we cover our eyes to our immediate external surroundings and move deep inside of ourselves to get in touch with what is real and enduring...
...Covering one's hair is a very cogent reminder, moment to moment, that she is a married woman. Regardless of how attractive that hair covering might be...it is, nonetheless, a foreign object which creates an undeniable awareness of one's marital status. Especially in our times when the barriers to the genders interacting freely have been removed and the opportunities, both socially and in the workplace, abound, there can never be too many reminders that we are committed to the exclusive covenant of our marriage.
If you want to read the rest, click on this link-On Hair Covering.
I hope this explains this special mitzvah a lot more!!
Devorah-Thank you so much 4 answering my question even though it sure was a big answer to it!:)I have had these questions in me for a few years already and i always wanted to ask them -but i didnt know who-so thanx again!:)i have a few other things though-if u or anyone could answer them then that would be gr8!cuz i always am curios about these things and when i dont know the answer to it im like being pulled w/ a lot more until i try to get rid of these questions from my mind so that i could cope w/ whats going on these days-like taking my mind off it so i could concentrate in class and studdy 4 tests.
ReplyDelete1)i thought that we can tell when s/o is married-(or at least this is how i knew until now)that when u see a women w/ a ring on the left hand(not right)from a far distance. but if its also with covering our hair then what about boys-how do we see if they"are chosen already 2?"
2)We learn the "Dauters of Dignity" in hashkafa class(besides me learning it every night on my own)and in lesson#9 it says that we should be tzniut b/e when boys look at s/o who isnt, then boys unlike us cant focus on learning b/e their mind is always on us-(thats besides b4 getting married-thats a dif. situation) and that is causing them to do an avairah thats worse than killing them. why? b/e we are causing them to loos their olam habah-which is why some boys-like chasidish boys-they look down-which is a step further so as not to be put in this kind of situation...so does that mean-is that why that if we are in our homes then we dont have to be tzniut? is it only when boys are tzniut? why are we(mothers and sisters)allowed to wear some things or look dif. in our homes-i mean shouldnt we always be tzniut? and also if we are tzniut in our homes then is that better so that our family-thats men/boys could learn better?My younger brother who is only 8 said that he cant concentrate in learning as much since he saw a dvd for a few hours thats my non-religious cousins not tzniut(of course we thought that it should be ok b/e he isnt 9 yet)and n/o told him about this he just felt this way-is that possible?why when he looked at non-jews in the street nothing happend to him?Also why dont we girls have this happening to us just by LOOKING at a boy?
why do girls have to be so much more careful than a boy? i thought that it was b/e we are like the "heads of the hose"-our tzniut is how our family will be-the next generation, and our actions are different-but isnt bringing that the husbands/fathers job-the more he learns the better?
im sory im like thundering you w/ all of these questions-its just that 4some reson almost everywhere i go i have the same thought in my head-tzniut,tzniut, and more tzniut-and then i try to push it away but it seems like it just keeps on coming back to my head even stronger and more powerful-thats harder to push away and then i just cant focus b/e my mind are always in these thoughts-and i cant get them away no matter how much i try-they only get worse-until i have a major headake so i go to sleep -and then im dreaming about it-i wonder when will these thoughts go away?......
also i 4got 2 ask-when a spouse pasess away-low a lainu-why dont women then uncover their hair-as if to say that"they are not chosen yet?"but then they do get married again...
ReplyDeletei always feel so bad that im asking all of these questions-if anyone one prob. gets anoyed at meand wants me to stop please tell me so...i wanted to ask this b4 but i just 4got.
ReplyDeletewhats better being tzniut in dress or speach-we were having this descusion in class but then we never finished it and i never could have asked her this question again. i thought that its the way u speak-b/e if 1 isnt tzniut in spach but in clothes-isnt that a chilul Hashem?and if so then why does everyone only mention clothes?
Liat, keep asking your questions and PLEASE don't feel bad to ask! I am so happy to be able to answer you! Please don't feel bad about asking! Asking is a good thing, it shows you are thinking and it shows that you care!!
ReplyDelete1-I never heard of that ring thing. Cute! I think it may be a way that people know that someone is married, but there's no such halacha that once a woman is married she must wear a ring on her left hand. There's no way to know if a guy is married just by looking at him, it's not like he wears a sign on his forehead that says "taken" lol! But the difference is that if a woman looks at a man, nothing will happen, it wont disturb her thoughts so there's no problem with her looking at him, whether he is married or not!
2-Let me try to explain something – tznius doesn’t only mean the way we dress, it’s an all around way of acting – like it said in that article from aish. So even in the home, a woman should be careful with how she dresses and acts! It’s not just for when men are around, it’s also her whole mannerism and how she conducts herself, with self-respect and modesty. If a woman truly understood what this whole mitzvah is all about, she would also be careful in her house to make sure she is dressing/acting/speaking in a way that is tzanuah – with modesty, not screaming and yelling, talking softly etc.
This is the way men were created – their bodies actually feel something when they see women who aren’t tznius. Women were not created this way. So when your brother sees a relative, it is possible that it had more of an impact on him because it is someone he knows so her image stayed in his head for a longer amount of time and now it is different for him. A person walking down the street is a stranger to him so it may have less of an impact. Hashem created men so that they get excited when they see a woman –but we girls were not created that way so it is different for us. (If you want to understand more, you can send me an email at inspirationalinformation1[at]gmail[dot]com and I’ll try to explain it in more detail.)
It is the job of both the mother and the father to be role-models for their children. The woman is the head of the house and she definitely instills a special feeling in her children but the children look at both their parents for guidance and view them as an example of what they should be like when they grow up! So it is important for each parent to do the right thing, each one has to be careful in their own way with how they act/dress/what they look at/what they talk about …
Don’t apologize for asking!!! It’s good to ask so that hopefully we can help clarify everything for you and your headaches will go away!! You are so special for wanting to know and having such an amazing quest for truth and answers!!! Hashem will reward you with a special clarity and then you will appreciate this mitzvah even more!!
(This comment is too long so I have to post it in two comments lol.)
(Here's part two of my response to you.)
ReplyDeleteIf a woman loses her husband, she still covers her hair for a few reasons. One reason is because she was already married at one point and covering her hair is a reminder for herself (like the article from aish said. You can reread the last paragraph I had copied and pasted in my last comment – does that explain it any better for you?
I don’t know which is better – tznius in speech or in dress. But one thing is for sure, if someone understood what tznius is all about, they would work on making sure that the way they dress and the way they speak is proper and in the confines of modesty. A role model of a person who is tznius (you should meet my married sister who lives in Lakewood, she is the perfect role model!!) will know that you need both! Imagine if you saw someone who dressed b’tznius in all aspects (all parts covered, refined, not showy etc.) but whenever she spoke, she yelled really loud and everyone could hear her, she used language that was not appropriate (cursing, yelling etc) – what would you think? And imagine the opposite – if you saw a girl who spoke in the most refined manner but she was dressed in tight faded jeans with holes in them and a tank top and the works – what would you think then?? So I think it goes hand-in-hand! It is important to do both, of course, you can work on both at the same time but you need to remember that each one is crucial to this special mitzvah!!
I hope this helps explain it and let me know if you still have any more questions because I want to answer all of them!!!
Thanx so much 4 answering those questions Devorah and i still have some more!!!!!!!!!please try to answer them!!!!!!!!....
ReplyDeleteif i saw s/o who was tzniut and talking not b'tzniut then and i would think-what a chilul hashem butif i saw s/o not dress that way but talk nicely i would thinik thats the 1st step2a tznu'ah-b/e well she is most prob. tryn-b/e isnt it usualy our speech that reflects whop we are? i know some ppl. who are tzniut but are dressing so nicly that ppl think that shes a good person 2b around-and then i c those girls get influenced 2! and i get so pained by watching them become more and more worse w/ the way they are speaking-i dont know what to do b/e i know that these girls would just make fun of me if i try to give them musar.....i think that talking comes first and that, that reflects who you realy are b/e i even became so much better in that way first-it is easyer in that way as well and i think tzniute just helps u more w/ it but i never got it when ppl. say that the way s/o dresess is the way they are-b/e i dont think that thats true for ex. a school that hyas uniform-the girls there all dont act the same way...so what do they mean by it?....
my sister told me about the ring thing...she said that she got that from michlala(sem.)
if tzniut was so important 2 us then why doesnt Hashem create us w/ clothes-to show how much it means to us? adam and Chavah never have worn clothes until they ate the aitz hadar-right?didnt Hashem get upset at them 4 now doing that b/e they were able to think their own way or s/t of the sort?
if our parents are suppost2 be our romodels then why do we learn it in school? and arent they only our romodels if we are on the same page-like4ex. getting along w/ them? and is on go9od terms w/ them like i know of some ppl. who would share e/t and aolmost a/t w/ there parents-they are like "best friends"(i just happen to be more of a person who keeps e/t 2 my self and n/o els-a very secretive person you might want2 call it)Also arent we supopost to try2 become even better in tzniut if s/o parents are not so good in it?like looking at s/o and not learning from them likre for ex. saying (2our selves)this isnt the way we are suppost2 b? i want my kids 2 be better-and by doing that i think that i have to try harder at it...or s/t of the sourt?...
i still dont get why a woman has 2 cover their hair after getting married-could u please explain that in your own words?
also i dont (prob. even surprisingly)know what the exact halachote thyat applies to tzniut-b/e e/o says s/t els like some ppl. for ex. say that we have to cover our legs while others say that we just nead to cover our ankles-but then if s.o just covers their ankles and the ppl. who cover there whole leg doesnt think thats right and they could sometimes stear at ppl.s feet-which can embarres those who are not accustomed to do their whole leg....but why do ppl always stear-i mean lets say its a person whos becoming religious 4 ex. they would prob. not like it when ppl. stear, and judge them-right? so why do ppl. always do that even lets say i know of a teacher who once told us that she was on a bus and she saw her old class mate not covering her neah and hair and had a girl who was her dauter beside her going to a bait yakove. she said that in 5 years from now she doesnt want2c anyone to dress that way-but how could she judge like that? she is suppost 2 be a romodelo 4 us-isnt she?i see a lot of ppl. that look up to her-even i do and i got so upset when she has said this b/e then some ppl noew would know that when they c s/o who doesnt dress b'tzniut they could react the same way as she has. but maby s/t is going on in her life? maby being that she hasnt seen her ever since she was in a bait yakove w/ her in elementry-she has gone off the derech and now is coming back on-and the first step that she is taking is by sending her dauter 2 a bait yakove so that her dauter would know/do better than her.....
why do ppl. constantly judge when they first look at s/o who is not tzniut?