Tomorrow night is the first night Chanukah. There are many messages and lessons we can all take from this special time. Chanukah is a time to strengthen our emuna – our trust in Hashem. We see that even when things are hard for us, there is a glimmer of hope, a special light that shines through the darkness. What is this light? It is the light of emunah – trusting in Hashem that He knows what is best for us and He can do anything and that whatever situation we are in right now must be best for us, that is the light that can illuminate our lives, even when things are dark.
This is an email from Desperate Faith that will definitely help you strengthen your emunah in Hashem. I think that if you want to really gain from this post, it would be best to read it twice. There is a lot you can get from it and reading it a second time will help it really seep in and penetrate your heart.
Ever wondered what living happily ever after really means?
People who read my blog often send me emails or comments telling me that they hope for a time when me and my family can live happily ever after. It's a beautiful bracha. People read my blog, they read stories of pain, sadness, hurt and worries. And they wish for a happy ending, a day when my blog will be filled with stories that convey hope, joy, and fullfillment.
But what does it mean to live happily ever after? And how does a person get to live happily ever after?
Firstly, for those who haven't read my blog, let me tell you a little bit about me and my family.
It wasn't that long ago that my father was a successful business man. When his business collapsed, he tried to rebuild. In the ensuing ten years the efforts to rebuild the former glory of the business have proven (to date) futile. My family exhausted, first their savings, then their credit.
At some point, about three years ago, my parents were struck with the gut wrenching reality. They had nowhere left to turn, aside from their fellow yidden. I don't think there are adequate words in the English language to describe the emotions that are involved when a man slides all the way from the top, from the "ba'al tzedaka" category, to the rock bottom, and becomes the taker. I don't think it really is possible for someone who hasn't experienced it to understad the deep, heart wrenching pain and humiliation of tzedaka checks, of weekly food boxes. And I don't think anyone who hasn't lived in it can understand the kind of uncertainty and unrest foreclosure brings to a house, and to the people living in it. And nobody who has only slept under warm and dry roofs can fully appreciate the difficulty of lying in bed, listening to the rain. Not rain outside the window, but rain dripping in the hallway.
All that is nothing compared to a decision I had to make a little while back. It was about two years ago when I realized that my family wasn't making it with the tzedaka they were receiving. At first it was hard, but now it's become second nature.
Take out debit card. Swipe. Remind self that money comes from Hashem. Sign receipt. Thank Hashem for having a job. Take bags, go home, and watch as your earnings get chewed up and swallowed by your family.
My nature has always been selfish, so it has been the most incredibly difficult thing to overcome. I watch my little sister pick up the phone to make a call, and I fight the urge to knock the phone out of her hand and tell her that I paid the bill, and the phone is MINE. My sister is reading the Mishpacha magazine, and I want to read it. I have to restrain myself not to tell her that I bought it, and I should get priority. One would think that two years of giving away 100% of my earnings would make it easier for me, but that's not how it went.
Let me explain. If I hadn't come to an appreciation of Hashem's presence in my life, as well as His totality in our entire world, I wouldn't find the inner strength to open up my checkbook and write my father a check for $3000. But I have learned about this, and suddenly I am able to give. I am able to live!
Hashem is the source of all blessing. He is the one who provides for the rich family down the block, He is the one who provides for my family, and He is the one who provides for you, the reader. When a person comes to really, truly believe and feel this, they suddenly have no worries left.
Imagine if a man would promise you that if you will just believe him, he'll support you fully for the rest of your life. It might sound suspicious, it might sound hard to believe, but you have nothing to lose by believing him, and everything to lose if you don't. So you might as well try it out, right?
Let's take this a step further. Imagine if this very same man had made this deal countless times in the past, and he had come through each of those times? Would you hesitate for half a minute? No way! You would blindly believe in him, because you want him to shower you with all of his abundance!
Hashem makes us that very same promise. "Ha'boteach baHashem, chesed yisovivenu." Hashem's promise is clear. It doesn't matter if you are a tzaddik or a rasha. Or doesn't matter who you are or whether you deserve it. It simply says, "habote'ach," anyone who believes in Hashem is guaranteed full support for the rest of their lives. What a deal, right?
But wait, it gets better! Look at Hashem's track record! Since the begining of time, Hashem has supported all people who place their trust in Him! There are countless stories of people who lived on nothing but pure and simple bitachon. It never fails.
And now, we can go back to our original question. What does living happily ever after entail? How does a person live happily ever after? It would seem, based on my family's situation, that living happily ever after, for us, would mean a sudden influx of cash. A lottery win. But is that a guarantee for happiness? Are no rich people unhappy?
The problem in this world is that people think that "happily ever after" is something that will just "happen" to them. Sadly, that isn't the case. Cemeteries all over the world are filled with the bodies of people who died waiting for "happily ever after" to "happen." What they don't realize is that it doesn't "happen." Happily ever after is a state of mind, a state of understanding.
Happily ever after means recognizing that Hashem is in charge. No matter what situation you face, He put you there for a good reason, that He has provided you with the tools to get through it, and that He is holding your hand and helping you through every step of the way.
While life may sometimes be hard, it all comes from Hashem, and it is, therefore, only good. Worries become irrelevant when a person develops a deep understanding of Hashem's goodness. It may seem tough, the mountain may seem insurmountable, but Hashem has the power to help you through all of it.
That, my friends, is living happily ever after. And I, Baruch Hashem, am currently living happily ever after.
After reading this, I think we can all say wow. But don’t just say wow and go on with life! Read this blog post a second time so this message really enters your heart!! Here is a girl who really lives with this emunah and realization of Hashem in her life! She is truly happy because she knows and sees Hashem’s goodness in her life!
You want some more chizuk from this amazing malach of a girl? Read her blog by clicking on this link.
And may you be zoche to come to this realization yourselves so you can truly live happily ever after.
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wow that's deep. serious stuff to ponder.
ReplyDeletei just realized the other day in davening (great time for epiphanies- you should never come out of davening the same way as you went in)that there's no reason to be jealous of another person not only because Hashem gives you everything you need but also, the reverse- whatever the other person has/is getting that you so want- it's been custom-sent in a self-addressed, stamped envelope to that person by Hashem. We realize that Hasem sends us what we need but realizing that He is sending other people what they need to reach their tafkid and what they need th e most for their growth- then who are you to even THINK of taking that away.
as to DesperateFaith's story- wow. that is the deepest emuna I've ever heard. such situations of living tight with money are extremely difficult and it is sooo sooo easy to become frustrated- "Why can't I buy clothes without worrying how much it totals?" "Why can't I go shopping and pick up extra little things wihtout thinking of whether I really need it or not," "Why can't I give more tzedaka"- that one's really hard, but the answer is because that's what Hashem is giving you for your life to BE the bestand happiest for you. And really internalizing that is a huge feat.
Thanks so much Devorah for saying such nice things about me, but I really am not a malach of a girl. I don't want people reading this to think that I am some amazing rebbetziny, head in the clouds type of person. I am a regular, ordinary girl. You might know me. We all have challenges, and this is how I deal with mine.
ReplyDelete:-)
Hi devorah and chaya sara! first of all thanks for your amazing and inspiring blog. I've been following from the beginning although I seldom comment. I just wanted to let you know that Desperate Faith is a malach of a girl despite what she says. She might look like an ordinary girl on the outside, but as you can see she is no ordinary girl on the inside. Desperate Faith- Hatzlacha Raba and may you have the strength to continue inspiring others. All i can say is WOW!
ReplyDeleteTamar, just to answer you about "why can't I give more tzedaka?" - it might be very hard for someone like my father, but just remember that this world runs like a wheel. It turns, pushing people from the top to the bottom, and people from the bottom to the top. While being a "taker" is the most horrible feeling, I just remind myself that this is Hashem's ratzon.
ReplyDeleteThere was once a very rich man who lost all of his money. After the incident, he was completely heartbroken. His rebbe went to talk to him, to help him come out of his state of unhappiness. The man told his rebbe- "one thing I don't understand. I thought that because I gave so much tzedaka, Hashem wouldn't take my money away. But because He took my money away, I guess Je wasn't happy with the deeds I did with my money."
the rebbe smiled and told this man. "Hashem tested you until now with the nisayon of ashirus. It wasn't easy, but you passes it with flying colors. Now, it's time for you to face your next challenge, the nisayon of aniyus, the harder nisayon. IyH you will pass this one too, and soon you will move on again."
the man heard this, and he smiled for the first time since he lost his money.
No matter what situation we find ourselves in, it's important to remember that Hashem put us there for a reason, and we need to grow from the nisayon.
Df, this was a truly beautiful post. Thanks so much for sharing so much of yourself. I have a lot to learn from you.
ReplyDeleteMay you continue to see the good in your life, always.
DF - I'm sorry. I must apologize for calling you a malach of a girl.
ReplyDeleteYou are just a "regular" girl who has reached great heights in your level of emunah. I hope we can all learn from you to trust in Hashem always!
And may we all be able to grow from our nesyonos and use the challenges Hashem gave us to come closer to Him.