Rosh Hashana is coming up...and fast. It's a big day and a day with potential for a lot of things.
I think back to this year and some of the many things that happened to me personally and to the people close to me. Things that happened in the world around us. So many things happened this year. Some good. And some...not so good. There were simchos, so many happy things that happened this year - engagements, babies born, milestones, weddings...and there were tough things that happened to. I met people I never thought I would, made a new (and precious) friendship, and lost out on a relationship too.
Sometimes, before Rosh Hashana, I go through each month of the year - and each yom tov - just to remind myself of the different things that happened this year. I want to remember the details so I can remind myself that there is so much happening on high on this huge day. You can do it too. It helps put things in perspective before Rosh Hashana starts. Tishrei and all that came with last Rosh Hashana (I was in the emergency room with my mother-I wrote a post on it last year), Yom Kippur and Succos...skipping over to Kislev, Chanukah, when I gave birth to my daughter, Chaya Gitty...Adar and Purim, Nissan and Pesach, Counting towards Shavuos...so so many things happened this year.
This coming Rosh Hashana, I will not be in shul. Baruch Hashem, I have a job-to take care of my children. It's a tough transition, from a day full of spirituality and holiness, in shul with everyone else, to playing on the floor with little kids and keeping them entertained and happy. So I'll probably get to daven a little bit while my kids take a nap but...it's not the same as spending the day in shul, looking down at the men in their talleisim and just getting caught up in the emotion of the day along with everyone else.
But this is my job. I'm not complaining. It's a bracha. It's just something I'm not used to yet. In a few years I'll be used to this new reality. But for now, it's just so new and so...different.
And so I decided after so many different things that have been going on, that this year, my tefillos are going to be different. I'm not going to have that much time to daven all the real things that are in the machzor, where we crown Hashem as King and request all the things we need so that we can do our job in this world properly.
There are so many things that we all need - personally, for ourselves, for our families, for our friends and those close to us. Every single person has needs and the outside can be quite tricky but deep down inside each person knows that it all comes from Hashem and we only have Him to rely on. For yeshuos in every form. For the sick people to be healed. For the childless to give birth. For engagements and weddings...parnassa...clarity...children coming back and choosing the right path...for proper guidance in chinuch...keeping our children on the derech and making them love being frum...for shalom bayis...for answers to our questions...for the ultimate redemption.
And so, this year, I am going to be praying for...miracles. For things that only Hashem can do and nobody else. We all know deep down that everything comes from Him but...when it comes from a natural place, when you can look at a yeshuah and give credit to another person, it's easy to forget who it really came from.
Things are so confusing. I don't understand why things happen. I know there's a reason but I don't have all the answers.
I know Who to turn to and it's to Him I will pray.
It's to Him I will ask...for miracles.
Because He can do anything.
This Rosh Hashana, what will you pray for?