A Mother's Tears

Yair Eitan’s father ran a produce distribution business in Northern Israel. When Yair was old enough, he began driving the delivery truck. One of his regular deliveries was at Yeshivah Lev V’Nefesh, whose student body was primarily comprised of baalei teshuvah. Yair’s parents had carefully shielded him from his religion; his upbringing was strictly secular.

The joy and excitement Yair saw within the yeshivah walls aroused his curiosity. He allowed himself to be drawn into conversation with a few yeshivah students. On his third trip there, Yair was already sitting down for a few minutes to sample Torah study. When Yair finally told his parents what he had discovered in the yeshivah, his father became enraged.
"No son of mine is going to become a backward, bearded chareidi! You are no longer to deliver to that route and you are forbidden to visit that yeshivah, or any other yeshivah, ever again!"

Yair knew that one must obey one’s father, except when a parent explicitly commands a child to disobey the Torah. He continued to clandestinely visit the yeshivah. But his father found out, and he reacted violently. Yair, however, was determined. He inquired as to other available yeshivos, left a note wishing his parents well, and left without revealing his destination.

His father searched for him and forced him to return home. Not only that, he blamed the Rosh Yeshivah of Lev V’Nefesh and filed charges against him of brainwashing his 18-year-old son and of engineering his flight from home. The trial aroused great interest, and the trial date found a packed courtroom eagerly awaiting to hear the proceedings. Yair’s testimony did not help the prosecution at all. Yair insisted that he had not been coerced to attend the yeshivah; it was of his own volition.

While Yair was recounting his story, the judge presiding over the case, an elderly man, seemed a bit distracted. He would intermittently take his eyes off the speaker to gaze intently at Yair’s father. When Yair left the witness stand, the judge announced, "I would like Mr. Eitan to step forward."

Yair’s father was surprised as he stepped up to the witness stand. The judge asked if he was of Eastern European descent, if his name back in Europe was perhaps "Stark". Mr. Eitan was clearly taken aback, and he stammered that the judge was indeed correct. "And are you originally from Pinsk?" asked the judge. Mr. Eitan nodded meekly.

The judge continued, "I remember you well. You come from one of the finest homes of pre-War Pinsk. Your father was a deeply religious and highly respected man. Your mother was renowned for her kindness. She would cook meals for the poor and the sick regularly. I remember well when, as an 18-year-old, you openly departed from your parents’ ways. When you publicly desecrated the Shabbos for the first time, your father aged overnight and seemed to be constantly in mourning. Your mother would shed a river of tears every Friday night when she lit the candles. I often wondered what became of all her tears. I’m not the most religious person, but I know that there is a G-d who runs this world, and I could not understand how the tears of so righteous a woman could be ignored in Heaven.

"Today my question has been answered. I see that her tears were not shed in vain. Today, almost 50 years later, her grandson has returned to the ways of his ancestors. Mr. Eitan, I’m sure you recall that on more than one occasion, friends of your parents pleaded with you that for your parents’ sake you should at least refrain from public transgression. As I recall, your response was, ‘I’m now eighteen and I make my own decisions. I can live my life any way I please.' And you dare to file charges because your eighteen-year-old son has returned to the ways that you abandoned?”

“Case dismissed.”

No matter what pain you are in Hashem is holding your hand and carrying you through your hard times just ask him to help you!!

Shabbos

Ahh...Shabbos is here! Shabbos is here!

Can you imagine a world without Shabbos?!

Can you imagine a week that never ended?

Can you imagine an existence that offered no rejuvenation?

It's hard to imagine surviving without Shabbos.

Thank you Hasem for this precious gift of Shabbos.

A day to reflect.

A day to grow.

A day to recharge.

A day to live for real.

A day like no other.

Can you imagine a week of only Shabbos?

Soon, very soon, moshiach will arrive to herald the news.

Every day will be Shabbos, yes every day.

Yom Shekulo Shabbos.

No more pain.

No more troubles.

No more galus.

No more illness.

Only Shabbos.

Shabbos Kodesh.

May it come soon.

May it stay with us.

Why Do Good People Die Young - Part 2

This is the question that was asked: Stories like those you write of your brother do the opposite of inspiring me. they frustrate me to no end. its the very picture of tzaddik v'ra lo. there are times i read stories like these and i feel almost sure that being too good,too holy is a sure way to shorten your life. you read the obituaries in the papers and they are full of young righteous people. your brother did everything right. i'm sure he earned arichut yamim, so why didn't he get too see 16? i don't find any peace in hearing its hashem's will. that kind of answer reminds me of when i was a kid and my mother would tell me "because i said so, thats why" . its a throw away answer and leaves me no wiser than before i asked. if a boy like this didn't have the zechutim to save him, if the couple in dubai didn't have the zechutim to save them, if talia applebaum didn't have the zechuyot to save her, what hope is there for us regular folks? why should God grant me life and not them? I'm sorry if this rubs salt on a wound but i need to know.

To read the beginning of this topic, click here.

At the Shabbos table this week, we discussed this question. We know people young because they are tzadikim from a posuk in last week’s parsha. In 10:3 it says “bikrovay akadesh”. Hashem says He will make Himself Holy through those who are close to Him. When Hashem judges even the greatest tzadik with exact judgment, it is a lesson about His Perfection. Only G-d is perfection. Even these great men have flaws, since they are human. So much more so the wicked!

Rashi explains that when Hashem said “venikdash bichvodi”, “I will be made Holy through my honor”, it can mean “venikdash bemichubodai”, “I will be made Holy through those who honor Me”. Moshe told Aharon that he thought the one through which Hashem would make Himself Holy was either Moshe or Aharon. Now Moshe saw that Nadav and Avihu were greater than Moshe and Aharon, because Hashem chose them to make Himself Holy. We understand that to mean that Moshe and Aharon were HOPING to be worthy of increasing Hashem’s glory. They were eager to be “punished” so they could be medium for Hashem’s kavod. They were Michubodai – ones who glorified Hashem. That was their only ambition in life. (Remember Rabbi Akiva saying his whole life he was waiting for the chance to give up his life for Hashem.) Hashem chooses people like that to increase the world’s knowledge of His transcendence. Hashem usually does not use people who are not eager for such a big part of kavod Hashem, who love their nefesh more than they love Hashem. So, it is not only fair, it makes perfect sense. The tzadik who dies young to strengthen awareness of Hashem considers himself fortunate – he considers it tzadik vetov lo! He considers it a zechus to be elevated as a sacrifice for Hashem’s honor. We regular folk can almost consider ourselves “safe” from the “danger” of Hashem choosing us for such a mission. We don’t want it, understand it, or appreciate it. And Hashem only reveals His holiness through those who live to honor Him.

This relates to the arichas yomim question. The Rambam (Teshuva 9) explains there is no way Hashem can give reward for Mitzvos in this imperfect world. All the Torah’s positive effects for doing good in this world for doing Mitzvos are not reward. They are the means to do even more good, so you can earn even more true reward in the next world.

ג כָּל אוֹתָן הַדְּבָרִים אֱמֶת הָיוּ, וְיִהְיוּ, וּבִזְמָן שֶׁאָנוּ עוֹשִׂין כָּל מִצְווֹת הַתּוֹרָה, יַגִּיעוּ אֵלֵינוּ טוֹבוֹת הָעוֹלָם הַזֶּה כֻּלָּן; וּבִזְמָן שֶׁאָנוּ עוֹבְרִין עֲלֵיהֶן, תִּקְרָא אוֹתָנוּ הָרָעוֹת הַכְּתוּבוֹת. וְאַף עַל פִּי כֵן אֵין אוֹתָן הַטּוֹבוֹת, הֶן סוֹף מַתַּן שְׂכָרָן שֶׁלַּמִּצְווֹת; וְלֹא אוֹתָן הָרָעוֹת, הֶן סוֹף הַנְּקָמָה שֶׁנּוֹקְמִין מֵעוֹבֵר עַל כָּל הַמִּצְווֹת. אֵלָא כָּךְ הוּא הֶסֵּעַ הַדְּבָרִים.

ד הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא נָתַן לָנוּ תּוֹרָה זוֹ, עֵץ חַיִּים, וְכָל הָעוֹשֶׂה כָּל הַכָּתוּב בָּהּ, וְיוֹדְעוֹ דֵּעָה גְּמוּרָה נְכוֹנָה--זוֹכֶה בָּהּ לְחַיֵּי הָעוֹלָם הַבָּא; וּלְפִי גֹּדֶל מַעֲשָׂיו וְגֹדֶל חָכְמָתוֹ, הוּא זוֹכֶה. וְהִבְטִיחָנוּ בַּתּוֹרָה שְׁאִם נַעֲשֶׂה אוֹתָהּ בְּשִׂמְחָה וּבְטוֹבַת נֶפֶשׁ, וְנֶהְגֶּה בְּחָכְמָתָהּ תָּמִיד--שֶׁיָּסִיר מִמֶּנּוּ כָּל הַדְּבָרִים הַמּוֹנְעִים אוֹתָנוּ מִלַּעֲשׂוֹתָהּ, כְּגוֹן חֹלִי וּמִלְחָמָה וְרָעָב וְכַיּוֹצֶא בָּהֶן. וְיַשְׁפִּיעַ לָנוּ כָּל הַטּוֹבוֹת הַמְּחַזְּקִים אֶת יָדֵינוּ לַעֲשׂוֹת אֶת הַתּוֹרָה, כְּגוֹן שֹׂבַע וְשָׁלוֹם וּרְבוֹת כֶּסֶף וְזָהָב--כְּדֵי שֶׁלֹּא נַעְסֹק כָּל יָמֵינוּ בִּדְבָרִים שֶׁהַגּוּף צָרִיךְ לָהֶן, אֵלָא נֵשֵׁב פְּנוּיִים לִלְמֹד בְּחָכְמָה, וְלַעֲשׂוֹת הַמִּצְוָה, כְּדֵי שֶׁנִּזְכֶּה לְחַיֵּי הָעוֹלָם הַבָּא. וְכֵן הוּא אוֹמֵר בַּתּוֹרָה אַחַר שֶׁהִבְטִיחַ בְּטוֹבוֹת הָעוֹלָם הַזֶּה, "וּצְדָקָה, תִּהְיֶה-לָּנוּ . . ." (דברים ו,כה).

ה וְכֵן הוֹדִיעָנוּ בַּתּוֹרָה שְׁאִם נַעֲזֹב הַתּוֹרָה מִדַּעְתֵּנוּ וְנַעְסֹק בְּהַבְלֵי הַזְּמָן, כְּעִנְיַן שֶׁנֶּאֱמָר "וַיִּשְׁמַן יְשֻׁרוּן וַיִּבְעָט" (דברים לב,טו)--שֶׁדַּיָּן הָאֱמֶת יָסִיר מִן הָעוֹזְבִים כָּל טוֹבוֹת הָעוֹלָם הַזֶּה, שְׁהֶן חִזְּקוּ יְדֵיהֶם לִבְעֹט, וּמֵבִיא עֲלֵיהֶן כָּל הָרָעוֹת הַמּוֹנְעִים אוֹתָן מִלִּקְנוֹת הָעוֹלָם הַבָּא, כְּדֵי שֶׁיֹּאבְדוּ בְּרִשְׁעָם. הוּא שֶׁכָּתוּב בַּתּוֹרָה, "וְעָבַדְתָּ אֶת-אֹיְבֶיךָ, אֲשֶׁר יְשַׁלְּחֶנּוּ ה' בָּךְ" (דברים כח,מח), "תַּחַת, אֲשֶׁר לֹא-עָבַדְתָּ אֶת-ה'" (דברים כח,מז).

ו נִמְצָא פֵּרוּשׁ כָּל אוֹתָן הַבְּרָכוֹת וְהַקְּלָלוֹת, עַל דֶּרֶךְ זוֹ: כְּלוֹמַר אִם עֲבַדְתֶּם אֶת ה' בְּשִׂמְחָה, וּשְׁמַרְתֶּם דַּרְכּוֹ--מַשְׁפִּיעַ לָכֶם הַבְּרָכוֹת הָאֵלּוּ וּמַרְחִיק הַקְּלָלוֹת, עַד שֶׁתִּהְיוּ פְּנוּיִים לְהִתְחַכַּם בַּתּוֹרָה וְלַעְסֹק בָּהּ, כְּדֵי שֶׁתִּזְכּוּ לְחַיֵּי הָעוֹלָם הַבָּא, וְיִיטַב לָךְ לָעוֹלָם שֶׁכֻּלּוֹ טוֹב וְתַאֲרִיךְ יָמִים לָעוֹלָם שֶׁכֻּלּוֹ אָרוּךְ. וְנִמְצֵאתֶם זוֹכִין לִשְׁנֵי הָעוֹלָמוֹת, לְחַיִּים טוֹבִים בָּעוֹלָם הַזֶּה הַמְּבִיאִין לְחַיֵּי הָעוֹלָם הַבָּא: שְׁאִם לֹא יִקְנֶה הֵנָּה חָכְמָה וּמַעֲשִׂים טוֹבִים--אֵין לוֹ בַּמֶּה יִזְכֶּה, שֶׁנֶּאֱמָר "כִּי אֵין מַעֲשֶׂה וְחֶשְׁבּוֹן, וְדַעַת וְחָכְמָה, בִּשְׁאוֹל . . ." (קוהלת ט,י).

ז וְאִם עֲזַבְתֶּם אֶת ה' וּשְׁגִיתֶם בְּמַאֲכָל וּמַשְׁקֶה וּזְנוּת וְדוֹמֶה לָהֶם--מֵבִיא עֲלֵיכֶם כָּל הַקְּלָלוֹת הָאֵלּוּ וּמֵסִיר כָּל הַבְּרָכוֹת, עַד שֶׁיִּכְלוּ יְמֵיכֶם בְּבֶהָלָה וּפַחַד, וְלֹא יִהְיֶה לָכֶם לֵב פָּנוּי וְלֹא גּוּף שָׁלֵם לַעֲשׂוֹת הַמִּצְווֹת, כְּדֵי שֶׁתֹּאבְדוּ מֵחַיֵּי הָעוֹלָם הַבָּא. וְנִמְצָא שֶׁאִבַּדְתֶּם שְׁנֵי עוֹלָמוֹת: שֶׁבִּזְמָן שֶׁאָדָם טָרוּד בָּעוֹלָם הַזֶּה בְּחֹלִי וּבְמִלְחָמָה וּרְעָבוֹן, אֵינוּ מִתְעַסֵּק לֹא בְּחָכְמָה וְלֹא בְּמִצְוָה שֶׁבָּהֶן זוֹכִין לְחַיֵּי הָעוֹלָם הַבָּא.

Whenever we fulfill the commandments of the Torah, we will receive all good earthly matters. Whenever we violate them, all the mentioned evils will happen to us. Nevertheless, the goodness is not all the reward for fulfilling commandments consists of, and the evils are not the entire punishment received by sinners.

This is how Hashem decides all matters: HKB”H, gave us this Torah, which is a support of life. Anybody who does what He wrote in it and knows everything in it is complete and correct will merit life in the World to Come. He will merit [a portion] according to the goodness of his actions and to the extent of his knowledge. The Torah assures us that if we fulfill the Torah with joy and pleasure and always act according to it, then illness, war, famine, etcetera, which could prevent us from doing so, will go away. Plenty, peace, richness, et cetera, which will aid us in fulfilling the Torah will come our way. This way, we will not have to occupy ourselves all day in [getting] bodily needs. We will be free to learn and gather knowledge and fulfill commandments to merit life in the World to Come. As the Torah says after it promises goodness in this world, "And it will be an opportunity for us, if we are careful to do all these commandments before the Lord our God, as He has commanded us".

The Torah also tells us that if someone willingly neglects the Torah to chase valueless activities...the True Judge removes all the goodness of this world that they had but used to reject Hashem. He will bring on them all the evils that will prevent them from getting life in the World to Come, so they will be lost in their wickedness...

Hashem fulfills all the blessings and curses in this manner. If one serves God with joy and follows His ways, he will get that much blessing. Hashem will remove all the curses from him so he will be free to become knowledgeable in Torah and busy himself in it. This way, he will merit life in the World to Come. If one does not gain wisdom and if one has no meritorious deeds, then with what will one merit life in the World To Come?! ...

If one ignores God and offends through food, feasting, adultery, or similar activities, he will get all these curses and remove all the blessings. His days will end in panic and fear. He will not have the opportunities or perfect body to perform mitzvos, and he will not merit life in the World to Come. Then he will have missed two worlds. When someone is troubled in this world by illness, plague or hunger he does not busy himself with learning or mitzvos, which he could use to merit life in the World to Come.

We see now that arichas yomim is not a reward for serving Hashem. Hashem gives arichas yomim to people who use their days wisely, so they will have more days to use wisely! Occasionally a person can gain more by not living long. Sometimes, when a good person dies young, he or she can do more tikkunolam through dying than they could have done had they lived 120 years. Think about Rav Shimshon Pincus. When he was alive he was unknown. It is unlikely he would have had such enormous impact if he were still alive. A person whose purpose in life is to perfect the world looks forward to the opportunity to increase his kvod shomayim leverage exponentially. Hashem offers the opportunity to such a person.

Why Do Good People Die Young - Part 1

This was posted once before but a comment on a previous post promted me to put this up here for you to read again.

Someone asked the following question: Stories like those you write of your brother do the opposite of inspiring me. they frustrate me to no end. its the very picture of tzaddik v'ra lo. there are times i read stories like these and i feel almost sure that being too good,too holy is a sure way to shorten your life. you read the obituaries in the papers and they are full of young righteous people. your brother did everything right. i'm sure he earned arichut yamim, so why didn't he get too see 16? i don't find any peace in hearing its hashem's will. that kind of answer reminds me of when i was a kid and my mother would tell me "because i said so, thats why" . its a throw away answer and leaves me no wiser than before i asked. if a boy like this didn't have the zechutim to save him, if the couple in dubai didn't have the zechutim to save them, if talia applebaum didn't have the zechuyot to save her, what hope is there for us regular folks? why should God grant me life and not them? I'm sorry if this rubs salt on a wound but i need to know.

I thought it would be important for me to ask this question to someone a little bit more knowledgeable than myself, even though I do have what to say to answer this question from my own perspective. The following is what R' Dovid Levine wrote to me but I just want to explain something before posting his answer.

It is difficult to answer this question without knowing the background of the person asking it. There is know way to know what her circumstances are, the level she is on right now and where she is holding hashkafically. Even so, I will post the answer that is somewhat universal and everyone can relate to. (I would recommend reading it a second time because I think there is a lot to gain from rereading all of it.)

Having said all that, here is the first part, a more general answer that he gave me.

I am hesitant answering such questions in writing. You don’t know who the person is, what their background is, their degree of religious practice and knowledge, what pain they are feeling, what their sensitive spots are, in what terms to couch the answer...And much more. Still, you probably must answer since it was asked.

The underlying assumption of this question is that G-d and I are equals, on the same page, able to “understand each other”. Just as I assume I can understand another person, I can understand G-d. If I find fault in my friends actions and choices, I lay the blame at his or her feet. I don’t infer that my reasoning is faulty. This is less than gracious when it comes to my friend (I never have a hard time justifying my own choices, so why don’t I assume my friend has valid reason for his or her decisions?). It is invalid about G-d. My G-d created heaven and earth, and all that is in it. I was not there when He formed earth, and I could never measure the heavens. I don’t know how He made the enormous subterranean force that grinds tectonic plates into one another, raising mountains. I don’t know how those plates float on the liquid core. I don’t know how He made the lava boiling up from under the plates enable life to exist by creating a balance of oxygen and carbon in the atmosphere. And I don’t know why He brings earthquakes that cause massive destruction.

I don’t know how He gathered the seas, or how He keeps them from overflowing the land. I don’t know how He powers tidal flow that is essential for life. I don’t know how He made ice the only substance that expands when it freezes, protecting water-bound life in the winter. And I don’t know why He make tidal waves that sweep away masses of life and beauty.

I don’t know how He makes the sun rises and sets every day. I don’t know how He changes the seasons, and how He gets the animals and plants to match the rhythm of seasonal pattern. I don’t know how He makes the wind blow or the rain fall. And I don’t know why He makes droughts or monsoons or hurricanes or tornadoes that wreck people’s lives.

I have never been to the depths of the sea or even visited all the continents. I didn’t know when I would be born and I don’t know how long I will live.

I couldn’t rotate the earth, much less spin the solar system around the sun, and certainly not swirl this Milky Way galaxy with its hundred-billion stars. (A million seconds is 12 days. A billion seconds is...32 YEARS! To count the stars in our galaxy would take over 3000 years – almost since Matan Torah. And that is just one out of over 200 billion galaxies!) And I can’t coordinate the events of someone’s life.

I don’t know how my heart or liver or kidney work. I can’t scratch the surface of the complexity of DNA. And I don’t know why these systems stop functioning or cause suffering through cancer and break down.

I can’t hunt for a lion or supply food for the birds or cause deer to give birth. I don’t know why some birds sing beautifully and some birds have stunning plumage. I don’t understand why some animals care for their young and some young fend for themselves. I couldn’t decide which animals should eat their offspring, and which animals should feed on their parent’s bodies.

I didn’t make the horse fast or the snail slow. I didn’t make the tiger brave and the sloth timid. I couldn’t make a bird that flies or a fish that swims.

My G-d is greater and wiser than my understanding or yours. If you understand why your G-d decides something and how He carries it out, he is not my G-d. A G-d who always needs to act according to my understanding is not much of a G-d.

This is G-d’s answer to Iyov’s question (which is in essence your question), all the way at the end of the sefer in chapters 38-40.

I don’t accept what G-d does in blind faith. It makes perfect sense to me that a G-d is beyond my grasp, that I should not be able to explain what He does. I don’t believe that is what He wants me to do with my life – spend it pondering the imponderables.

I do know this: G-d has no pleasure from the life or death of the righteous or wicked. If He needs my service, He is not G-d. He gives me life for me, not for him. I don’t know why or how, but since He is infinite and unchanging, it must be for me. I might try to apply some superficial understanding to make going on easier for me to accept, but I must never confuse those flavorings for real reasons or causes. Still, I know it is not for Him, so it must be for my benefit.

My brother was a good boy and he also died at 16. I might try to make it more palatable by saying he was a good person so G-d took him away in place of many others. Maybe yes, maybe no. But I can’t expect to understand why he dies any more than I understand why or how I am alive! I know it was not for G-d’s benefit, so it must have been for us. Good people die and bad people die. And they all die for a good reason – for them to reach their goals and for us to reach our goals. This does not mean I am happy or joyous when they die because I know it is good. That would be cruel and insensitive. It is good because it fulfills G-d’s will, which is finally for the benefit of creation and me. It still hurts. And that too is for the benefit of the purpose of the world. I need to use that pain as well to be successful in my mission. Part of that mission is to increase my knowledge of G-d’s control, unity, and greatness.

Some young people die. Most of us live much longer. Everyone is so confused and tortured by the short life of the few, but no one is too concerned or wonders too much about the long life of the many. I want to know why someone did not wake up on the 5475^th day of his life, but they took 5474 mornings until then for granted. Both are for the same purpose – to know G-d.

You can be good and live long or short, you can be bad and live long or short. I don’t do good because I want to have zechusim to bribe G-d into giving me lots of goodies, whatever I think those goodies might be. I am good because that it the best thing to be. Good happens to good people – that does not mean they have lives of fun and candy. It means they have all the tools to do what they want most – to fulfill their mission in life. Sometimes it is through having a short life. Sometimes it is through living until an old age. Wicked people also get the tools to do what they want – to destroy themselves and others. And they lose the tools to do what they need to do, which is to do good. The Rambam explains all this in the ninth chapter of Hilchos Teshuva.

Our problems begin when we lose site of G-d’s greatness and our deficiency. We want to sit G-d on a couch and psychoanalyze Him and diagnose Him with some human frailty. And them we get angry with Him for acting so badly! G-d is too big for any couch. And he has no needs at all, ever, in any way. Finished. So why do these things happen? For us. For us to accept His judgment and serve Him with. For us to grow with. For us to use for good. That is what Nochum Ish Gamzu meant when he said “Gam zu letovah” – this too is for good – for the perfect good of creation – to know and serve our Great, Mighty, and Awesome G-d.

A Tefillah Straight From the Heart

Look how much Hashem does for us we are soooo lucky!!! lets try to appreciate the gift of life!!!

Davening Poem

Dear Brothers and Sisters,

Davening is not a chore

Davening opens up every door

Davening is not relegated to a certain kind

Davening is simply speaking your mind

Talk to Hashem; He is waiting to hear

Because, to Hashem, YOU are very dear

There is nobody else in the universe but you

And your very own HaKadosh Baruch Hu

Yes, the Yetzer Hara will try to distract

But you must do whatever you can to stay intact

A broken heart, troubles, dismays or a fall

No matter, Your Father is there to answer your call

NEVER despair; no matter how problem ridden

Hashem is SO CLOSE even though He seems hidden

Stand strong. Stand proud. Stand tall

You are a a member of the best nation of all

Find the beauty in yiddishkeit, it's there for every Jew

No matter what happened in the past, you can always start anew

Things may sometimes seem cold, impossible and black

But soon, real soon, your tefillos will bring the good times back

Hashem is collecting each and every tear

And every tefillah that is sincere

Sincerely,

Your Brother

Give a Bracha

Here is a story with a great lesson to learn from this week's parsha - when Yitzchok asked his son Yaakov to bring him something to eat before giving him a bracha.

HaRav Yaakov Neiman, Z’tl (Rosh Yeshiva in Petach Tikvah), was once raising funds in America. He did not know any English, and after having knocked several times on a well-to-do individual’s door without response, he was approached by the person’s neighbor who knew a little bit of Yiddish. HaRav Neiman explained to him as best he could that he had been attempting to contact the person on whose door he had knocked to raise much-needed funds for his Yeshiva. The neighbor welcomed him into his home as a guest, and invited him to stay until he could actually make contact. That evening, he finally contacted by phone the well-to-do individual he had been seeking, and made an appointment with him. HaRav Neiman, when taking leave of his short-term host, asked him “What can I do for you?” The host responded that he would really like to have a child. HaRav Neiman gave him a bracha that within the year, he would have one - and, in fact, he was blessed with a son within the year.

HaRav Chaim Kanievsky, Shlita, upon hearing the story commented that HaRav Neiman’s bracha was fulfilled not only because it was the bracha of a Talmid Chochom, but also because it was a bracha that flowed from a sincere feeling of HaKaras HaTov, sincere gratitude, for what this caring person had done for him. It is for this reason, HaRav Kanievsky continues, that Yitzchak Avinu had requested his son to bring him good food prior to giving him a blessing, so that the blessing would be all the more powerful.

We are all faced with situations every day - in the home, at work, in the store, and even in Shul - where we are either the giver, or the recipient of good bestowed upon us by another. While it may be bolder for someone who has done a favor or helped someone out to ask his recipient for a heartfelt bracha, it most certainly would be in order for the recipient to initiate the blessing, and give a bracha to the giver for something that he knows is needed.

We all know that negative words have reverberating affects in celestial spheres (See Introduction to Sefer Chofetz Chaim). Since Hashem’s “Middah Tova” (attribute of reward) is much greater than His Midas Puraniyos (attribute of punishment), we can very readily assume that a bracha of one person to another in this world has even more powerful effects in the Heavens than the words of lashon hara or negative speech.

Undoubtedly, the brachos and the compliments one person gives to another pleases HaKadosh Baruch Hu greatly. Making the effort to unite, to make another feel good, simply to wish another to be successful and well, is a simple, but essential, step in the bringing of the geulah, our final redemption. It is important to note, however, that Shlomo HaMelech, the wisest of all men, takes us a step further, as he teaches, “Simcha L’Ish B’Maaneh Feev…-A man has joy with the response of his mouth” (Mishlei 15:23). When one speaks in a loving and appreciative tone, blessing others in a way that he himself would like to be blessed, it is the speaker himself, who will feel the joy and contentment in his very own words…it is the giver who feels a sense of accomplishment and of G-dliness, as he emulates Hashem’s ways!

(Taken from yesterday's Hakhel post.)

Comforting Mourners

I went to make a shiva call today and was really nervous about it. Someone I work with lost her brother very suddenly this past week. He was just 23 years old and wasn't even married yet. Going back to a shiva house always brings back memories, makes my stomach churn and my heart stop...

Even though I was so nervous about going, it Baruch Hashem went really well. As soon as i told her that I also lost my brother who was younger then me I was able to almost see her heart melting!! Like the fact that she saw that I went through something similar all of a sudden made her listen to the things I was saying and I felt like I could really talk to her from my heart - on a whole different level! It's amazing how Hashem made that if someone goes through something they could relate to other people going through the same kind of thing and the other person is so much more open to what the person has 2 say!

I told her some things people had said to our family when we were sitting shiva that I knew felt comforting. As I spoke, I saw her eyes getting teary...I almost felt like I would burst out crying a few times while I was there but I held myself back even though my heart was totally aching just to be there.

She passed around some pictures of her brother from when he was younger and at his bar mitzvah - he was such a happy and cute boy! So I told her and her mother that these pictures bring such comfort because all a parent wants is for her child to be happy and you see you did yours - he was happy!

And then I told her some other things...and I thought I would walk out of there bawling but surprisingly I felt so much better after! Even though of course I was teary eyed when I left but I didn't feel "down" I felt okay.

Baruch Hashem it was better than I expected, especially since I don't know her so so well, just here and there but I had really wanted to go because I felt I could relate to the pain she is in...Hashem is so good! He gave me the ability to comfort someone else somewhat while she is in pain - and only because I went through something similar!!

And yes, it does hurt every time I have a little reminder about my brother. The pain goes away but it comes back again from time to time. But when someone else goes through a loss and it's someone I know or I have to go to a shiva house then it all starts to come back to me...

Her brother also had a freaky story - it was a real shock to the family because he was 100% fine and then on Shabbos he got a virus, then he stopped breathing and then collapsed. Hatzalah came but there was nothing they could do! They now have a medical term for it, they call it "walking pneumonia" - but really it's just something that cannot be explained, could not have been prevented and there's nothing anyone could do except just accept that this is what Hashem wanted.

So I mentioned something that I've written here before. When Hashem gave the malach hamaves his job, he did not want to take it because he said that everyone will always look down at him. So Hashem said, don't worry, whenever you take someone's life, people wont even notice that it's you because they will be so busy figuring out the story and blaming everyone else...they'll forget that it's really you who is behind it. And that's what happens - we blame the doctors, the sickness, the car...without realizing that when someone's time is up and when something is meant to happen, it will happen! If you really look at this story, there's no way to explain it! This boy's time was up and there was nothing that could be done! We can blame the virus, give it a medical term but the truth is that it was his time...

It's so sad but Hashem has His reasons why He does things and we don't understand. This boy fulfilled his mission in this world and now it's time for him to get rewarded for all the good things he did while he was alive! We should all take a message from this to take advantage of the time we have while we are alive in this world and do the best we can and the most we can...because a person never knows when their last moment will be!

I was also so amazed by the mother, how she had such strength to say, "Hashem gave us a gift and now he decided it was time to take him back..." which yes we believe it's true that our time in this world is a gift but to hear it from someone going through something so difficult, in the midst of her pain, that is amazing and that is inspiring!!

May we be able to learn from this story and take the message so that this will be the last tragedy we hear about. The next thing we should hear is the shofar of moshiach so that we can have techiyas hameisim and all families, parents, children, brothers and sisters will be reunited!

The Power of Tefillah

Here is an amazing story I just read - read it and be inspired!! You see the power of davening for other people when you are in pain and how much your little tefillah can accomplish! Use any little pain (a headache, toothache, stomachache, cold...) to turn to Hashem and ask Him to spare someone else from a painful experience and bring them their yeshuah! If you are sick, daven for people who need shidduchim, health, children, livelihood...and may your tefillos be answered! I was going in for my fifth c-section and I was terrified! I imagined all the worst incidences in all past four c-sections amplified and rolled into my upcoming operation. I decided to phone Susan, a good friend of mine who was also a repeated c-section case for her support. Susan had been through a lot, and thus was able to see things in perspective and offer sage advice. In fact, after her second c-section she was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. Baruch Hashem, after much prayer, and a year of heart wrenching treatment she was proclaimed cancer free. Unfortunately though, the drugs that they had used were so strong, that she was told that there was only a 10% chance that she would be able to become pregnant again. After she had given me the necessary support she asked me "So what are you going to do with the pain?" I wasn't quite sure what she was referring to... "I guess grin and bear it" I replied "No", she answered, "Please pray for me. Each time there is pain please pray that Hashem will give me more children." I was quite taken aback at her request. "Who I am to pray for this woman? I am just little old me?" But then I heard her words echoing in my head "There is nothing to do with the pain, its going to be there anyway. So you might as well use it for something worthwhile..." And so it was. Throughout the surgery and recovery period, each time there was pain, I pleaded that Hashem should allow her miraculously to have more children. And yes, 2 weeks after the circumcision of my son, she was pregnant! Just before her third c-section, Susan phoned me for support. "What about the pain?" she asked, "I am so nervous about it". "Susan," I replied "why not find someone to pray for each time there is pain. You and I both know that it's going to be there anyway, so you might as well use it for something positive." "But who am I?" Susan retorted, "I am not anyone grand - I'm just little old me" While Susan was in treatment for her cancer, she had met a woman named Sarah who also was diagnosed with end stages cancer. Baruch Hashem, Sarah had survived, but she was told that due to the strength of the drugs, that already in her late 20's she had started to go into premature menopause, and therefore would never be able to have more children. And so it was. Throughout her c-section and recovery period, Susan, prayed with all her might that Sarah should be able to have children. Two weeks after Susan's son's circumcision Sarah was miraculously pregnant! Yes, Hashem listens to even "little old me"... You don't have to be great for Hashem to listen to your pleas... Taken from Traditions of Kindness