Windows

I look up
At the clouds
With the sun peeking through
And I seem to see
Windows
Windows to the heavens
And I wonder...
What is going on
Up there
In the heavens?
What happens?
Up high?
Beyond the clouds
Beyond the sun
Beyond all
We can see
What is going on?
Beyond the windows
If only I can see
Through the clouds
Through the shining rays
Understand the days
And nights
Of life.
Yet I cannot
Understand
I cannot fathom
God's ways
I have tried
But I haven't ever
Been able to 
Understand
His plan.
I look up
At what seems like
Windows
And I wish
I wish I could scream
And let my voice pierce 
The heavens
Let my voice reach
The highest heights
And then 
Like a silent whisper
Ask one question
Can I see my brother?
Can I speak to him?
Can I encounter him?
Can I approach him?
Can I spend time with him?
I have so much to ask him
So much to tell him
So much to share with him
So much to do with him
He is gone for so long
But he is not gone
He is in my heart
Never gone
I wish for so much
Wish we could talk
Wish we could spend
Time forever together 
So instead
He's in my head
All the time
And that's where
We spend time together
I think about him
I fantasize about him
About life
My life
With him in it.
He's certainly in my life
But not in the way
I dream of.
He's just in my dreams
But not in my reality
Sure, in reality
He's here
In my son's name
In the stories we share
About him
But it's just in
Our imagination 
I look up once more
Just to be sure
I can't pierce through the heavens
Through the windows above
That look so ready
To be penetrated
With the welcoming rays
Of the sun
I can't see
What's happening
Up there
I can only imagine
And live
The life I'm meant to live
Down here 
In this world of confusion 
Sometimes darkness
Sometimes light
I hold on tight
With all my might
As I continue to forge ahead
Knowing in my head
That Hashem knows
What's best
And He decided 
It's best for me
To be down here
While my brother 
Was taken
To a place up there
A better place 
A place of light
A place of peace
I have made peace
With it
As I pray for 
The ability
And strength 
To continue 
Living
And giving
With light
And love
And help from Above 
With strength 
And peace 
As long as 
I live.
I miss you
Shalom
More than I ever knew I could
I miss you
Shalom
Even though I believe this is for the good
You are in my thoughts
In my breath
In my heart
And in my mind
All the time
I hope I can
Give hope to those
Who have lost hope
Give strength to those
Who have lost their strength
It's through you
And your story
That I hope
I'll be able 
To give
So much
To those
Who need 
So much.