I wanted to share a very powerful and inspiring message from this weeks parshah, Parshas Vayechi. Before Yaakov blessed Menashe and Efrayim, he said to Yosef, "Panecha lo pilalti v'hinei her'ah osi elokim gam es zarecha"-I did not imagine seeing your face, and here G-d has shown me even your offspring! (Artscroll translation)
We see from here something incredible. Sometimes, when we are in a difficult situation, we don't see a way out. There is no light to look out for or even attempt to get close to the end of the tunnel and we are too engulfed in darkness and pain. But a Jew must remember, Hashem could do anything!
When you are going through hardships, and can't begin to imagine an outcome anywhere near where your mind wishes it can go, keep in mind that Hashem could take you even further than that.
So...to the single girl going through a difficult family situation and wishing for a way out of her pain, to the childless couple waiting, wishing and hoping for the day when they too will become parents, to the parents running from doctor to doctor with their sick child, to the breadwinner struggling with finances...and to everyone else in between-working through their own day-to-day challenges, know that Hashem is with you every step of the way...and He can bring you a yeshua that surpasses your wildest dreams!
Look at Yaakov Avinu and how he was told that his most precious, beloved son died. Did he ever dream he would see the day where he would be blessing his own grandchildren, the offspring of his son he thought was no longer among the living?
This is the message we can take from this weeks parsha.
When things seem so overwhelming and you can't see a way out of your problems, when everything seems too big and you just want to give up, remember this message and let it empower you to keep pushing, to keep going.
Hashem doesn't need ideas from you of how to get out of your current situation and how to change things for the better. When you daven to Him from he depths of your soul, ask Him to take you out of your darkness in a way that He sees fit. In a way that only He can do. He can take you to far off places..,places further than your imagination has ever gone to!
Imagine for a moment, a holocaust survivor, holding her grandson in her arms...watching him grow and mature into a young man...sitting at his bar mitzvah...and then rejoicing at his wedding. Then...she gets to experience even more joy in her old age. Her grandson becomes a father...and she becomes a great grandmother. Would she have ever pictured the moment when she would hold a great grandchild in her arms, sitting on the couch surrounded by her growing family of grandchildren and great grandchildren? When she was going through so much pain in her younger years, during the holocaust, her mind could not have stretched that far. But here she is. She lived to see he day, to experience nachas and joy that cannot be described in words. And it was Hashem who brought her to this point.
May you be able to continue trusting in and holding on to Hashem no matter what He throws your way and may He surprise you with brachos and yeshuos beyond your wildest dreams!
Friday, December 28, 2012
Sunday, December 23, 2012
Asara B'Teves-a Poem
Many, many years ago
Today
The siege began
Jews walking to and fro
Not allowed in or out
Slowly
Slowly
It took time
Food
Became less available
As it was consumed
Pain
Consumed our People
People began to die
Slow, painful death
Death of hunger
Death of thirst
So much pain
All over the streets
Of Jerusalem
Today was the day
It all began
Today was the beginning
Of this bitter plan
Hashem let out His anger
On a building of stone
And now we are left
Bereft
Empty
Alone
So much kedusha
Is gone
So much pain
In its place
We are so far way
Oh so far away
From our Source
From our Father
From where we should be
Today
Is a day
When we fast
Stay away from
Food
And drink
For what purpose?
To think
To think thoughts
Thoughts of teshuva
Thoughts of change
Thoughts of reflection
And introspection
And correction
So even those
Who are eating
And drinking
On this day
It's not about the food
From which we stay away
It's about what's going on
Inside of you
The soul
The soul of every single Jew
Today
Should be the source
The source of change
Inner change
Instead of
The change that began
On this very day
So many years ago
When the siege began
Jerusalem-surrounded
No one allowed
In
Or out
The source
The beginning
Of ultimate
Destruction
Let today be
The beginning
Of change
Of transformation
Of becoming
A better you
So together
Every Jew
Can merit
The rebuilding
Of that holy building
Bimheira Biyameinu
Amen.
Today
The siege began
Jews walking to and fro
Not allowed in or out
Slowly
Slowly
It took time
Food
Became less available
As it was consumed
Pain
Consumed our People
People began to die
Slow, painful death
Death of hunger
Death of thirst
So much pain
All over the streets
Of Jerusalem
Today was the day
It all began
Today was the beginning
Of this bitter plan
Hashem let out His anger
On a building of stone
And now we are left
Bereft
Empty
Alone
So much kedusha
Is gone
So much pain
In its place
We are so far way
Oh so far away
From our Source
From our Father
From where we should be
Today
Is a day
When we fast
Stay away from
Food
And drink
For what purpose?
To think
To think thoughts
Thoughts of teshuva
Thoughts of change
Thoughts of reflection
And introspection
And correction
So even those
Who are eating
And drinking
On this day
It's not about the food
From which we stay away
It's about what's going on
Inside of you
The soul
The soul of every single Jew
Today
Should be the source
The source of change
Inner change
Instead of
The change that began
On this very day
So many years ago
When the siege began
Jerusalem-surrounded
No one allowed
In
Or out
The source
The beginning
Of ultimate
Destruction
Let today be
The beginning
Of change
Of transformation
Of becoming
A better you
So together
Every Jew
Can merit
The rebuilding
Of that holy building
Bimheira Biyameinu
Amen.
Labels:
Poem
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
No Concept
I'm sitting with my son talking to him when I notice a bruise on his lip. He's a fairly wild kid with bundles of energy, so it's not unusual for him to bang himself.
"When did you get that boo boo?" I ask him.
"Tomorrow." he says.
I love his answers. I love how he expresses himself. It's adorable.
Sometimes his responses to when things happened are things like yesterday or last week...so totally off the mark when I put it in context.
My favorite one is... "Remember when we went to the zoo? Tell me, when did we go?"
His response..."Last morning."
It's too cute.
My son has no real concept of time. Yes, he understands it in his head, and that's where everything makes sense to him, but he cannot express it correctly. He cannot show that he really gets it. It may sound like he doesn't know what he's talking about, but from the look of concentration on his face, I know that he gets it. He just doesn't know how to say it.
Hashem doesn't either have a concept of time. But it's not because He doesn't get it...not at all. It's because He is so way above us that He is not bound by things that are limited like time.
Hashem is unlimited. He can do anything. He created the world and everything in it. He watches over me and you every moment of the day. Each thing that happens to me is calculated, is measured, is exact.
And since He is so much greater than each of us, He cannot be confined. There is no concept of time when it comes to Hashem.
Do I fully get it?
Not really...but I'm trying. And my son opened my mind a little bit...and he's helping me learn.
There is no yesterday, tomorrow...or even last morning.
It's all one.
Hashem Echod...Hashem is One.
"When did you get that boo boo?" I ask him.
"Tomorrow." he says.
I love his answers. I love how he expresses himself. It's adorable.
Sometimes his responses to when things happened are things like yesterday or last week...so totally off the mark when I put it in context.
My favorite one is... "Remember when we went to the zoo? Tell me, when did we go?"
His response..."Last morning."
It's too cute.
My son has no real concept of time. Yes, he understands it in his head, and that's where everything makes sense to him, but he cannot express it correctly. He cannot show that he really gets it. It may sound like he doesn't know what he's talking about, but from the look of concentration on his face, I know that he gets it. He just doesn't know how to say it.
Hashem doesn't either have a concept of time. But it's not because He doesn't get it...not at all. It's because He is so way above us that He is not bound by things that are limited like time.
Hashem is unlimited. He can do anything. He created the world and everything in it. He watches over me and you every moment of the day. Each thing that happens to me is calculated, is measured, is exact.
And since He is so much greater than each of us, He cannot be confined. There is no concept of time when it comes to Hashem.
Do I fully get it?
Not really...but I'm trying. And my son opened my mind a little bit...and he's helping me learn.
There is no yesterday, tomorrow...or even last morning.
It's all one.
Hashem Echod...Hashem is One.
Labels:
Time
Thursday, December 13, 2012
When There's a Way Out
The story of Chana and her seven sons.
It's a story that is so hard to understand.
How did a mother watch all her children, one after the next, get killed?
Was she proud that they stood up for what was right?
That they didn't give in?
Did she wish one of them would have succumbed?
Will we ever know?
I want to focus on a different part of this story for a minute.
When the last child, the youngest of all seven, stood before the king and was asked to bow down, he refused. Just like all his brothers.
The king had mercy on this little innocent child. He decided to give him a little opening, a chance to remain alive. He threw his ring to the ground and asked the child if he would pick up the ring. Although this would mean bowing down to the idol, since that wouldn't be the little boy's intention, it would be fine...right? He would just be bending down to pick up the ring of the king. Wouldn't that be okay?
His life would be spared. He would be able to continue living! Should he do it? Would he do it?
No.
The child, this pure, little innocent child did not give in. He did not grab on to his last hope for life. He saw a loophole-an opportunity to do something just a teeny bit wrong but a little right at the same time. And he didn't give in.
How many times in life are we open to loopholes? How many times do we see a way out and we run?
Can we remain strong? Stick to our convictions? Stick to what's right and do it even when it's hard?
Just something to think about...and a powerful lesson to take from a little child who gave up his life so as not to do the wrong thing...even when there was such an easy way out.
Such strength.
Such rock-solid emunah he must have had to be able to withstand a split-second test.
I am jealous of his mother.
Not for what she had to go through...but for the chinuch she gave her children so they were able to withstand such an incredible test. Each and every one of them was able to overcome it.
May you be able to stay strong and do what is right...even when there's a way to escape...even when no one will know.
Because Hashem Above always knows. He sees the deepest parts of your heart...that no one else will know about. He understands your challenges and your struggles.
May you always be able to stick to doing what is right.
It's a story that is so hard to understand.
How did a mother watch all her children, one after the next, get killed?
Was she proud that they stood up for what was right?
That they didn't give in?
Did she wish one of them would have succumbed?
Will we ever know?
I want to focus on a different part of this story for a minute.
When the last child, the youngest of all seven, stood before the king and was asked to bow down, he refused. Just like all his brothers.
The king had mercy on this little innocent child. He decided to give him a little opening, a chance to remain alive. He threw his ring to the ground and asked the child if he would pick up the ring. Although this would mean bowing down to the idol, since that wouldn't be the little boy's intention, it would be fine...right? He would just be bending down to pick up the ring of the king. Wouldn't that be okay?
His life would be spared. He would be able to continue living! Should he do it? Would he do it?
No.
The child, this pure, little innocent child did not give in. He did not grab on to his last hope for life. He saw a loophole-an opportunity to do something just a teeny bit wrong but a little right at the same time. And he didn't give in.
How many times in life are we open to loopholes? How many times do we see a way out and we run?
Can we remain strong? Stick to our convictions? Stick to what's right and do it even when it's hard?
Just something to think about...and a powerful lesson to take from a little child who gave up his life so as not to do the wrong thing...even when there was such an easy way out.
Such strength.
Such rock-solid emunah he must have had to be able to withstand a split-second test.
I am jealous of his mother.
Not for what she had to go through...but for the chinuch she gave her children so they were able to withstand such an incredible test. Each and every one of them was able to overcome it.
May you be able to stay strong and do what is right...even when there's a way to escape...even when no one will know.
Because Hashem Above always knows. He sees the deepest parts of your heart...that no one else will know about. He understands your challenges and your struggles.
May you always be able to stick to doing what is right.
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Lingering at the Chanukah Candles
I heard something about Chanukah that I wanted to share with you.
There are specific halachos of what types of wicks are allowed to be used when lighting candles for shabbos. Interestingly, certain wicks that are not permitted to be used for shabbos candles are allowed to be used to light the Chanukah menorah.
There is an amazing lesson we can take from this.
We know that a flame is compared to the neshama of a person like it says, ner Hashem nishmas adam.
We can see from here the those neshamos who are not affected by the kedushah of shabbos, who are not touched by the purity and holiness of the shabbos candles, can be affected by the Chanukah lights. There is something so special and uplifting about the Chanukah candles that it can touch anybody and can bring them to greater heights in their avodas Hashem.
The key is to let it in. To open up your heart and to let the purity of the flames enter your very being and allow it to penetrate your soul.
But...how?
I think the answer to how you can be affected by the holiness of the Chanukah candles is dependent on what you do after those candles are lit. Do you quickly walk away and get busy with other things or do you linger there for a bit longer?
You can spend a little bit of time at the menorah after the flames have been lit and let the fire ignite your soul. Just look at the candles, at those burning lights.
Think.
Reflect.
And pray.
Use those few moments at the candles...for a spiritual awakening...for growth and inspiration.
Talk to Hashem.
He's your Father.
He's listening to you.
Tell Him about whatever is inside you. Things that are bothering you. Things you want. Changes you'd like to see in your life. Changes you wish you can see in yourself. Ask Him for help.
And...don't forget to thank Him. He gives you so much blessing. Think about those things too...and show your appreciation.
The time you spend at the candles can be utilized for moments of introspection and connection.
There is something interesting about candles. If you hold it in your hand, no matter which way you turn the candle, the flame will always be reaching upwards.
And the same is true with a neshama, with every Jewish soul. No matter which way you turn it, no matter what situation a person is in, there is always that pintele yid, that Jewish flame inside of them. There is always a yearning to become better. A Jew can be put in the most trying situation but their soul is like a flame, always reaching upwards-to greater spiritual levels.
When you stand in front of the Chanukah menorah this year, look at the candles and watch the flames go higher. Let that little spark, that pintele yid inside your soul be ignited by the beauty of the Chanukah candles. Daven to Hashem to help you reach higher heights in your avodas Hashem, to keep climbing up and up just like those candles.
And may the flame and excitement inside your heart never be extinguished...so you can take this special inspiration with you long after Chanukah is gone.
Have a happy and enlightening Chanukah!
There are specific halachos of what types of wicks are allowed to be used when lighting candles for shabbos. Interestingly, certain wicks that are not permitted to be used for shabbos candles are allowed to be used to light the Chanukah menorah.
There is an amazing lesson we can take from this.
We know that a flame is compared to the neshama of a person like it says, ner Hashem nishmas adam.
We can see from here the those neshamos who are not affected by the kedushah of shabbos, who are not touched by the purity and holiness of the shabbos candles, can be affected by the Chanukah lights. There is something so special and uplifting about the Chanukah candles that it can touch anybody and can bring them to greater heights in their avodas Hashem.
The key is to let it in. To open up your heart and to let the purity of the flames enter your very being and allow it to penetrate your soul.
But...how?
I think the answer to how you can be affected by the holiness of the Chanukah candles is dependent on what you do after those candles are lit. Do you quickly walk away and get busy with other things or do you linger there for a bit longer?
You can spend a little bit of time at the menorah after the flames have been lit and let the fire ignite your soul. Just look at the candles, at those burning lights.
Think.
Reflect.
And pray.
Use those few moments at the candles...for a spiritual awakening...for growth and inspiration.
Talk to Hashem.
He's your Father.
He's listening to you.
Tell Him about whatever is inside you. Things that are bothering you. Things you want. Changes you'd like to see in your life. Changes you wish you can see in yourself. Ask Him for help.
And...don't forget to thank Him. He gives you so much blessing. Think about those things too...and show your appreciation.
The time you spend at the candles can be utilized for moments of introspection and connection.
***
There is something interesting about candles. If you hold it in your hand, no matter which way you turn the candle, the flame will always be reaching upwards.
And the same is true with a neshama, with every Jewish soul. No matter which way you turn it, no matter what situation a person is in, there is always that pintele yid, that Jewish flame inside of them. There is always a yearning to become better. A Jew can be put in the most trying situation but their soul is like a flame, always reaching upwards-to greater spiritual levels.
When you stand in front of the Chanukah menorah this year, look at the candles and watch the flames go higher. Let that little spark, that pintele yid inside your soul be ignited by the beauty of the Chanukah candles. Daven to Hashem to help you reach higher heights in your avodas Hashem, to keep climbing up and up just like those candles.
And may the flame and excitement inside your heart never be extinguished...so you can take this special inspiration with you long after Chanukah is gone.
Have a happy and enlightening Chanukah!
Friday, November 30, 2012
They're Back!
As I rounded the corner yesterday, I was quite shocked to see four red balloons flying in the wind. Yes, the balloons I just wrote about are back!
My kids were ecstatic. My son's face was shining, lit up with the biggest smile you could ever imagine. The balloons they were hoping to see...for so long...they were back! I even circled the block so they could see the balloons a second time because my daughter didn't get a good enough look at them the first time round.
My kids talked about them the whole way home.
For me, this had a whole different meaning.
I took this as a small message, a personal love note from my Father Above, saying to me...Don't give up hope. Just like the balloons you've been waiting to see are back, the day you are waiting for will come. Hang in there.
Thank you Hashem, for the message of hope.
May you all be able to continue holding on through the tough times, using them to come out stronger. And may your deepest desires and things you've been hoping for come true in the best possible way.
Good Shabbos.
My kids were ecstatic. My son's face was shining, lit up with the biggest smile you could ever imagine. The balloons they were hoping to see...for so long...they were back! I even circled the block so they could see the balloons a second time because my daughter didn't get a good enough look at them the first time round.
My kids talked about them the whole way home.
For me, this had a whole different meaning.
I took this as a small message, a personal love note from my Father Above, saying to me...Don't give up hope. Just like the balloons you've been waiting to see are back, the day you are waiting for will come. Hang in there.
Thank you Hashem, for the message of hope.
May you all be able to continue holding on through the tough times, using them to come out stronger. And may your deepest desires and things you've been hoping for come true in the best possible way.
Good Shabbos.
Labels:
Hope
Monday, November 19, 2012
Balloons of Hope
I have a lot to learn from my children.
I take the same route home from work every day. Each day, as I'd turn a certain corner, my children would cheer from their seats, "I wanna see the balloons!" And as we'd pass by the store with the balloons right outside the window, they'd shout out happily, "balloons, balloons!"
Usually, there were balloons outside the store window. But some days, they weren't there. Those days were disappointing to them.
"Maybe tomorrow the balloons will be there," I'd reassure them.
And usually, by the time the next afternoon came around, there they were, swaying in the wind, giving my children such simple, untainted pleasure.
It's been a really long time since we've seen those balloons. I can't even remember the last time I turned the corner and those balloons were flying in the wind. Maybe some time in the summer? Maybe longer?
But my children do not give up. Every day, as we turn that corner, they say, "Maybe today we'll see the balloons!"
And when we pass the store and the balloons aren't there, they always have something to say, some hope to hold on to.
"Maybe they're blowing up the balloons."
"Maybe we'll see them tomorrow."
"Maybe they needa buy more balloons for us."
"Maybe...maybe...maybe..."
But tomorrow comes and the balloons still aren't there.
My children are so disappointed. You could hear it in their voices as I turn the corner and pass the store.
Yet...they still come up with excuses, with reasons...and they are still so very hopeful. Hopeful that the day will come when I will turn the corner and the balloons will be back, back in their familiar place, giving my children the pleasure and enjoyment they used to get from looking at them.
The two second pleasure they would take with them for the rest of the ride home. "We saw the balloons today!"
They're waiting for that day to come. And they aren't giving up. They're holding on to the smallest thread of hope.
I'm learning from them.
No matter what happens, no matter what goes on, there is always hope.
We are now in the month of Kislev, approaching the yom tov of Chanukah. Perhaps one message we can take from this is the message of hope. That no matter how dark life seems, no matter how dark life is, there is always hope.
The chashmonaim searched through the devastation and rubble, through the destruction and the mess...and at last...they found one jug of oil. They didn't give up. They kept searching until they found what they were looking for.
I look to my past and I see those brave Jews who persevered, never giving up hope.
I look ahead of me, at my precious little children and I see innocence in their eyes. My children never give up hope.
And so...neither will I.
I take the same route home from work every day. Each day, as I'd turn a certain corner, my children would cheer from their seats, "I wanna see the balloons!" And as we'd pass by the store with the balloons right outside the window, they'd shout out happily, "balloons, balloons!"
Usually, there were balloons outside the store window. But some days, they weren't there. Those days were disappointing to them.
"Maybe tomorrow the balloons will be there," I'd reassure them.
And usually, by the time the next afternoon came around, there they were, swaying in the wind, giving my children such simple, untainted pleasure.
It's been a really long time since we've seen those balloons. I can't even remember the last time I turned the corner and those balloons were flying in the wind. Maybe some time in the summer? Maybe longer?
But my children do not give up. Every day, as we turn that corner, they say, "Maybe today we'll see the balloons!"
And when we pass the store and the balloons aren't there, they always have something to say, some hope to hold on to.
"Maybe they're blowing up the balloons."
"Maybe we'll see them tomorrow."
"Maybe they needa buy more balloons for us."
"Maybe...maybe...maybe..."
But tomorrow comes and the balloons still aren't there.
My children are so disappointed. You could hear it in their voices as I turn the corner and pass the store.
Yet...they still come up with excuses, with reasons...and they are still so very hopeful. Hopeful that the day will come when I will turn the corner and the balloons will be back, back in their familiar place, giving my children the pleasure and enjoyment they used to get from looking at them.
The two second pleasure they would take with them for the rest of the ride home. "We saw the balloons today!"
They're waiting for that day to come. And they aren't giving up. They're holding on to the smallest thread of hope.
I'm learning from them.
No matter what happens, no matter what goes on, there is always hope.
We are now in the month of Kislev, approaching the yom tov of Chanukah. Perhaps one message we can take from this is the message of hope. That no matter how dark life seems, no matter how dark life is, there is always hope.
The chashmonaim searched through the devastation and rubble, through the destruction and the mess...and at last...they found one jug of oil. They didn't give up. They kept searching until they found what they were looking for.
I look to my past and I see those brave Jews who persevered, never giving up hope.
I look ahead of me, at my precious little children and I see innocence in their eyes. My children never give up hope.
And so...neither will I.
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Kislev-My Miracles
One of the things I learned from my mother was the importance of expressing gratitude. Not just for the big things but for the little things as well...because they may not be so little. She was very big on thank you cards, sending them out often to those who did favors for her.
Even after my brother Shalom a"h, was niftar, my mother expressed her appreciation to all those who assisted in trying to save his life-the main lifeguard in camp who came running to the scene after he fell from the tree, the assistant lifeguards, the rebbe who said shema with him in the hospital in his last moments...all of them received thank you cards in the mail after my brother passed away. She wanted them to know that our family did not chas v'shalom blame them for not working hard enough and that we were sure they all did their utmost in trying to save Shalom's life...and that this was a decree from Hashem and we were accepting it. They were in no way at fault. And she used those thank you cards to put her feelings into words.
She was always thanking our teachers, the school staff, the delivery guy, the neighbor who did her a favor. She said thank you to the car service driver, giving him a tip, even though this was his job. She'd thank the cashier as she left with her bags....everyone. She took note of every single thing, little and big and showed her hakaras hatov. And I took this lesson from her and try to carry it with me wherever I go.
Just yesterday, I received a phone call from my son's school. A phone call I've been waiting for ever since the beginning of the school year. The person on the other line confirmed that everything was in place and some important paperwork we were waiting for finally went through. Things should be smooth from here on.
Interestingly, the day before I got this phone call, as I left my son's school building knowing I was still waiting, I turned to Hashem and said, "Hashem, that's it. This is in your hands. We did whatever we could and there's nothing else that could be done. Now I'm turning to you and relying on you completely. Please...make this work out already...make it happen soon. How much longer can we wait for this?"
The next day, I got that phone call...my own, personal miracle.
And after I got that phone call, I sat down and penned the following,
Here's a little note to say thank you,
For all the behind-the-scenes work that you do.
We don't usually get to see the details,
And we don't know exactly what your job entails.
But for us - you worked hard, giving up was not an option
And for that we'd like to express our deepest appreciation.
You kept trying - calling and emailing too,
You listened to our (almost) daily question of "anything new?"
And now that all the paperwork finally came through,
We have two words for you-Thank You!
How much time did it take me to write that? Just a couple of minutes. But do I know how much that thank you means to the one who put in all the work for us?
I learned this from my mother-to take a few minutes to express my appreciation in this way.
Just that same evening, something happened that made my heart stop beating. It still continues pounding every time I think about it and replay those few moments in my mind.
I was home alone with my children and was busy in the kitchen when I heard my little baby, who is at the crawling stage, start screaming. I ran into the next room and saw the front door-the door right above my staircase, wide open. My heart froze. I stood at the top of the staircase and for a split-second I knew he fell down the long flight of stairs.
I was wrong.
I looked down the steps...but he was not there. Then I saw a flash of orange-he was right at the top of the staircase! He was lying up side down, with his head on the third step from the top and his feet on the second step-right where the staircase starts to turn. Had he chas v'shalom been one step lower, where the staircase leads straight down...I can't imagine where I'd be at this moment. But I wouldn't be here typing up this blog post.
I scooped up my baby and hugged him so tightly, my hands trembling and shaking. I kissed him and cried knowing that I just experienced my own little miracle.
I felt like...this is what I needed right now. I needed this two second scare as a reminder of what I have and what I need to appreciate. I have three little miracles in my care, three precious little children. Although it's true that Hashem watches over them, over me, every minute of the day, it took this to show me just how closely He is watching over my family.
Today is Rosh Chodesh Kislev. It is the month of miracles. The month when we experienced the miracle of Chanukah-of light in the darkness.
May you each experience your own personal miracles this month and may you feel Hashem illuminating your path, illuminating your life. May the darkness you've experienced be transformed into light and may you be blessed to notice and appreciate the miracles in your life...because the small miracles...they are really big.
A gutten chodesh.
Even after my brother Shalom a"h, was niftar, my mother expressed her appreciation to all those who assisted in trying to save his life-the main lifeguard in camp who came running to the scene after he fell from the tree, the assistant lifeguards, the rebbe who said shema with him in the hospital in his last moments...all of them received thank you cards in the mail after my brother passed away. She wanted them to know that our family did not chas v'shalom blame them for not working hard enough and that we were sure they all did their utmost in trying to save Shalom's life...and that this was a decree from Hashem and we were accepting it. They were in no way at fault. And she used those thank you cards to put her feelings into words.
She was always thanking our teachers, the school staff, the delivery guy, the neighbor who did her a favor. She said thank you to the car service driver, giving him a tip, even though this was his job. She'd thank the cashier as she left with her bags....everyone. She took note of every single thing, little and big and showed her hakaras hatov. And I took this lesson from her and try to carry it with me wherever I go.
Just yesterday, I received a phone call from my son's school. A phone call I've been waiting for ever since the beginning of the school year. The person on the other line confirmed that everything was in place and some important paperwork we were waiting for finally went through. Things should be smooth from here on.
Interestingly, the day before I got this phone call, as I left my son's school building knowing I was still waiting, I turned to Hashem and said, "Hashem, that's it. This is in your hands. We did whatever we could and there's nothing else that could be done. Now I'm turning to you and relying on you completely. Please...make this work out already...make it happen soon. How much longer can we wait for this?"
The next day, I got that phone call...my own, personal miracle.
And after I got that phone call, I sat down and penned the following,
Here's a little note to say thank you,
For all the behind-the-scenes work that you do.
We don't usually get to see the details,
And we don't know exactly what your job entails.
But for us - you worked hard, giving up was not an option
And for that we'd like to express our deepest appreciation.
You kept trying - calling and emailing too,
You listened to our (almost) daily question of "anything new?"
And now that all the paperwork finally came through,
We have two words for you-Thank You!
How much time did it take me to write that? Just a couple of minutes. But do I know how much that thank you means to the one who put in all the work for us?
I learned this from my mother-to take a few minutes to express my appreciation in this way.
***
Just that same evening, something happened that made my heart stop beating. It still continues pounding every time I think about it and replay those few moments in my mind.
I was home alone with my children and was busy in the kitchen when I heard my little baby, who is at the crawling stage, start screaming. I ran into the next room and saw the front door-the door right above my staircase, wide open. My heart froze. I stood at the top of the staircase and for a split-second I knew he fell down the long flight of stairs.
I was wrong.
I looked down the steps...but he was not there. Then I saw a flash of orange-he was right at the top of the staircase! He was lying up side down, with his head on the third step from the top and his feet on the second step-right where the staircase starts to turn. Had he chas v'shalom been one step lower, where the staircase leads straight down...I can't imagine where I'd be at this moment. But I wouldn't be here typing up this blog post.
I scooped up my baby and hugged him so tightly, my hands trembling and shaking. I kissed him and cried knowing that I just experienced my own little miracle.
I felt like...this is what I needed right now. I needed this two second scare as a reminder of what I have and what I need to appreciate. I have three little miracles in my care, three precious little children. Although it's true that Hashem watches over them, over me, every minute of the day, it took this to show me just how closely He is watching over my family.
Today is Rosh Chodesh Kislev. It is the month of miracles. The month when we experienced the miracle of Chanukah-of light in the darkness.
May you each experience your own personal miracles this month and may you feel Hashem illuminating your path, illuminating your life. May the darkness you've experienced be transformed into light and may you be blessed to notice and appreciate the miracles in your life...because the small miracles...they are really big.
A gutten chodesh.
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Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Easy to Say
It's easy to talk about emunah when things go smoothly. When everything about you is positve and happy. The real test, the real test of our strength and belief is when things get tough. When we do not understand.
I have been thinking about this ever since my last post about Hurricane Sandy. I wrote: Trees got thrown down just a few inches away from houses and cars. I saw with my own eyes the precision of the fall...how every inch is calculated. Another inch-and that car would have been smashed. Another inch-and that house would have had major damage. This showed me how every little detail is calculated, every inch, every moment of our lives. The same One who made the tree fall directly in front of that house and an inch away from that car, is watching over me every moment. The details of my life are calculated; Hashem works with precision and care.
Yes, all of that is true. But what about the trees that fell down and did cause destruction? As I was driving on the day I wrote that post, I passed a minivan that was completely shattered-from a huge tree that fell right on top of it. It wasn't a new model. I thought about the family whose car that must belong to. I thought about their pain, how hard it might be for them to replace their car. Maybe they were struggling and this was the last thing they needed...how would they get their children to school? How would they get to work? Forget about waiting on line for gas. They didn't even have a car!
What about all those who lost homes due to flooding and who will have to pay to redo all or parts of their homes? The amount of damage, the pictures I've seen...they moved me to tears. It didn't hit me until I saw Hamodia's Supplement, Waves of Wrath, Waves of Chessed. Pictures of seforim floating around in feet and feet of water, the beautiful aron kodesh knocked over...and the men and boys who continued learning and giving shiurim in the dark, by candlelight or flashlight. All of this made me cry.
We do not understand.
I do not understand.
I do not claim to have reasons. I do not claim to know why this happened. Who am I to pinpoint and say that it happened because of one specific aveirah I am guilty of, or one specific mitzvah I am not performing properly?
R' Fishel Schachter gave a very powerful speech about this. He spoke about how when something of such catastrophic proportions occurs, people try to give reasons and tell other people what it is that they need to change and do better.
He repeated a story that took place one summer. There was an accident that affected a certain family in Camp Ohr Shraga. After it happened, one rav got up and said that the accident happened because of bittul torah and proceeded to give a fiery speech about the importance of Torah learning and the danger of wasting time when one was meant to be learning.
After he concluded his speech, R' Yakov Kaminetzky stood up and said to the rav (in yiddish): Are you a navi? Are you a ba'al ruach hakodesh? Shamefully, the rav answered no to both of those questions.
R' Yakov continued, "So then how could you say that this happened because of bittul torah?? If it's true that this is why the tragedy occurred, then yes, everyone should work on strengthening themselves in the way they learn and the amount of time they spend learning. But if it is not true, since we do not know the cheshbonos of Hashem, you have to go back to the family who was affected by this tragedy and ask them for mechillah, for forgiveness...for speaking ona'as devorim, for causing pain with the words you said! Because they will be thinking, If only people would have learned better, if only people would not have wasted an extra minute...this would never have happened. And THAT is a very dangerous way of thinking and causes tremendous hurt and guilt to the family involved."
And then R' Yakov gave his own passionate speech about bittul torah. R' Yakov, who knew what it meant not to waste a minute of learning, who learned while wearing his boots and would fall asleep before he had the energy to take them off, he gave a speech about the importance of utilizing every moment to learn.
That is a gadol.
We do not know why things happen. None of us are great enough or big enough to give reasons. We can take personal messages from the events that happened-and we should. We should look inside our hearts and see what we need to change, on a personal level. But we cannot go around making broad statements saying exactly why this happened. We simply do not know.
It's when things are tough and we do not understand...that is when we need to work on strengthening our emunah. On knowing that no matter what happens, there is a reason for it. And even though we do not know why, there is a reason, there is a Creator. He is my G-d. I trust Him completely, especially when I do not understand. Especially when I am confused. Especially when life doesn't go the way I want it.
Hashem knows. Hashem runs my life.
It's easy to say. It's easy to talk about when things go smoothly. Now it's time to put it into practice. To internalize this trust, to work on it, to strengthen it, to make my emunah rock-solid, super strong.
It's easy to say.
I have been thinking about this ever since my last post about Hurricane Sandy. I wrote: Trees got thrown down just a few inches away from houses and cars. I saw with my own eyes the precision of the fall...how every inch is calculated. Another inch-and that car would have been smashed. Another inch-and that house would have had major damage. This showed me how every little detail is calculated, every inch, every moment of our lives. The same One who made the tree fall directly in front of that house and an inch away from that car, is watching over me every moment. The details of my life are calculated; Hashem works with precision and care.
Yes, all of that is true. But what about the trees that fell down and did cause destruction? As I was driving on the day I wrote that post, I passed a minivan that was completely shattered-from a huge tree that fell right on top of it. It wasn't a new model. I thought about the family whose car that must belong to. I thought about their pain, how hard it might be for them to replace their car. Maybe they were struggling and this was the last thing they needed...how would they get their children to school? How would they get to work? Forget about waiting on line for gas. They didn't even have a car!
What about all those who lost homes due to flooding and who will have to pay to redo all or parts of their homes? The amount of damage, the pictures I've seen...they moved me to tears. It didn't hit me until I saw Hamodia's Supplement, Waves of Wrath, Waves of Chessed. Pictures of seforim floating around in feet and feet of water, the beautiful aron kodesh knocked over...and the men and boys who continued learning and giving shiurim in the dark, by candlelight or flashlight. All of this made me cry.
We do not understand.
I do not understand.
I do not claim to have reasons. I do not claim to know why this happened. Who am I to pinpoint and say that it happened because of one specific aveirah I am guilty of, or one specific mitzvah I am not performing properly?
R' Fishel Schachter gave a very powerful speech about this. He spoke about how when something of such catastrophic proportions occurs, people try to give reasons and tell other people what it is that they need to change and do better.
He repeated a story that took place one summer. There was an accident that affected a certain family in Camp Ohr Shraga. After it happened, one rav got up and said that the accident happened because of bittul torah and proceeded to give a fiery speech about the importance of Torah learning and the danger of wasting time when one was meant to be learning.
After he concluded his speech, R' Yakov Kaminetzky stood up and said to the rav (in yiddish): Are you a navi? Are you a ba'al ruach hakodesh? Shamefully, the rav answered no to both of those questions.
R' Yakov continued, "So then how could you say that this happened because of bittul torah?? If it's true that this is why the tragedy occurred, then yes, everyone should work on strengthening themselves in the way they learn and the amount of time they spend learning. But if it is not true, since we do not know the cheshbonos of Hashem, you have to go back to the family who was affected by this tragedy and ask them for mechillah, for forgiveness...for speaking ona'as devorim, for causing pain with the words you said! Because they will be thinking, If only people would have learned better, if only people would not have wasted an extra minute...this would never have happened. And THAT is a very dangerous way of thinking and causes tremendous hurt and guilt to the family involved."
And then R' Yakov gave his own passionate speech about bittul torah. R' Yakov, who knew what it meant not to waste a minute of learning, who learned while wearing his boots and would fall asleep before he had the energy to take them off, he gave a speech about the importance of utilizing every moment to learn.
That is a gadol.
We do not know why things happen. None of us are great enough or big enough to give reasons. We can take personal messages from the events that happened-and we should. We should look inside our hearts and see what we need to change, on a personal level. But we cannot go around making broad statements saying exactly why this happened. We simply do not know.
It's when things are tough and we do not understand...that is when we need to work on strengthening our emunah. On knowing that no matter what happens, there is a reason for it. And even though we do not know why, there is a reason, there is a Creator. He is my G-d. I trust Him completely, especially when I do not understand. Especially when I am confused. Especially when life doesn't go the way I want it.
Hashem knows. Hashem runs my life.
It's easy to say. It's easy to talk about when things go smoothly. Now it's time to put it into practice. To internalize this trust, to work on it, to strengthen it, to make my emunah rock-solid, super strong.
It's easy to say.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
I JUST HEARD AN OUTSTANDING MESSAGE WITH ABOUT THE HURICANE MUST READ!!!!
I JUST HEARD ON A HOT LINE FROM REB. KALMINOVITCH AN OUTSTANDING DREAM THAT A BIG TZADDIK HAD THIS YEAR!!! IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO HEAR THIS STORY FROM HER PLS CALL 1718 906 6451 AND PRESS THE NUMBER FOR THE HURRICANE AND YOU WILL HEAR CHANA TOBY AND THEN REB. KALMINOVITCH ITS UNREAL TO HEAR THIS IS 100% TRUE!!!
HARAV POSEK FROM BORO PARK HAD A DREAM ABOUT THE GEDOLEI YISROEL THAT WERE JUST NIFTAR THIS YEAR!THE GEDOLEI YISROEL WERE BY THE BES DIN SHEL MAALA AND WERE BEGGING HASHEM TO PLEASE LOOK AT HOW MUCH WE HAVE WORKED ON OURSELVES AND HOW MUCH WE AS KLAL YISROEL HAVE GROWN THIS YEAR!! THEY WERE SAYING THAT LOOK HOW MANY PEOPLE GOT RID OF THE TUMA IN THEIR HOMES AND HOW MUCH WE REALLY WANT TO BE CONNECTED TO HASHEM! THEY WERE BEGGING AND BEGGING HASHEM TO PLS END THIS GALUS AND BRING MASHIACH.SUDDENLY A LOUD VOICE WAS HEARD AND THEY STARTED SAYING DO BNEI YISROEL REALLY WANT HASHEM'S NAME TO BE KNOWN AND FULL OF KEDUSHA IN THE WORLD!!! WHAT ABOUT HOW PEOPLE ARE ACTING ESP. IN SHUL TALKING DURING KEDUSHA AND NOT GIVING KAVOD TO THE SHUL, DO THEY REALLY WANT IT!! AND THEN THEY DECIDED TO COME UP WITH A CONCLUSION THAT THIS YEAR TAF SHIN AYIN GIMMEL IS A BIG EIS RATZON AND MASHIACH IS REALLY ABLE TO COME AND HASHEM WANTS TO BRING HIM THERE IS JUST ONE MORE POINT!!HASHEM WILL TEST US THIS YEAR IN A HUGE WAY TO SEE IF WE REALLY WANT MASHIACH, IF WE ARE DOING THINGS FOR THE KAVOD OF SHAMAYIM OR FOR THE KAVOD OF OURSELVES!!!!THIS YEAR COULD BE THE GEULA AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
THIS TZADDIK WOKE UP IN A SWEAT HE WAS SOOO SHOOKEN UP COULDNT BELIEVE WHAT HE HEARD AND SAW.. HE WAS SHAKING FROM REAL FEAR!! CAN WE IMAGINE THAT THIS IS WHERE WE ARE UP TO!!!! MASHIACH IS AT THE DOORSTEP AND EVERY ONE OF US HAS THE POWER TO SHOW HASHEM I JUST WANT TO DO MITZVOS FOR YOU TO BRING KAVOD TO YOUR NAME AND THEN WE WILL HASTEN THIS GEULA!!! WE NEED EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU WHO READS THIS TO SHARE THIS OUTSTANDING DREAM TO OTHERS AND WAKE UP THE WORLD TO REALIZE THAT ALL WE NEED IS A DESIRE TO SHOW HASHEM THAT WE REALLY WANT THIS GALUS TO END!!! IMAGINE THE SOUND OF THE SHOFAR AND YOU BEING HERE TO WITNESS THIS DAY ITS BEYOND IMAGINATION THAT WE COULD BE ALIVE TO REALLY EXPERIENCE THIS DAY!!!!!!!!! PLS HELP US!!!!
REB. KALMINOVITCH ALSO SAID THAT WHEN SUCH A RAIN FALLS LIKE SOOOO STRONG ITS A SIGN THAT HASHEM WANTS US TO CHANGE SO THAT WE COULD BE ZOCHE TO REALIZE THAT THE GEULA IS SOOOOO CLOSE!!! ITS IN YOUR HANDS!!! WAKE UP AND SEE HOW CAN I DO A MITZVA AND REALIZE THAT I JUST WANT TO BRING KAVOD TO HASHEM'S NAME!!
LETS ALL TAKE THIS LESSON TO OUR HEARTS AND REALIZE THAT WE REALLY NEED TO WAKE UP AND SHAKE OURSELVES BACK INTO REALITY!!!
WATING TO HEAR FROM YOU WHAT YOU FEEL ABOUT WHAT YOU JUST READ!:)
THANK YOU SO MUCH MISS SAMUEL AND MRS. KLEIN FROM SHALSHELES FOR SHARING THIS WITH ME:)
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Hurricane Sandy
Someone submitted the following question anonymously. Please could you write about the hurricane what message can we take from it... it was only one day and then everything back to normal!?!
There are many lessons and messages that we can take from the hurricane and all that happened in the last few days-the excitement and preparation leading up to it, the time spent indoors to ensure full protection from the storm, and the aftermath…living without electricity and waiting for the power to be restored.
I got the following text message this morning: Hashem is powerful and we are powerless.
When we are hit by a “natural” disaster, it gives us a chance to stop and think. To realize WHO really is in control of every aspect of our lives.
Yes, we are the ones who go through the motions of our day-to-day lives, accomplishing and getting things done. But when we are blessed with that clarity the moment we lose power, we realize Who is the one who has the power and who is really powerless.
I am reminded of a poem/song I once posted, If Hashem Were To Go On Strike. It's taken from a tape, The Iron Butterfly, by Suki and Ding. I will post it here again because the message is so on target.
It’s just a good thing that Hashem above has never gone on strike,
Because He wasn’t treated for or for the things he didn’t like.
And if He had just once sat down and said, “That’s it, I’m through,
I’ve had enough of those on earth so this is what I’ll do:
I’ll give my orders to the sun, cut off your heat supply,
And to the clouds, give no more rain and run those oceans dry.”
And just to make it tough and to put the pressure on,
He’d cut off all the oxygen ‘til every breath is gone.
Do you know that Hashem would be justified if fairness were the game,
For no one has been more abused or treated with disdain.
And yet Hashem has carried on supplying you and me,
With all the favors in His world and everything for free.
No more would flowers bud in spring and food just wouldn’t grow,
And summer turn to winter, Hashem can do it all, you know.
He could make the daytime pitch black so we’d see our way no more,
There’s just so much Hashem can do to even up the score!
Men say they want a better deal and so on strike they go,
But what a deal we’ve given Hashem to whom everything we owe?
We don’t care who we hurt or harm to gain the things we like,
But what a mess we’d all be in if Hashem were to go on strike!!
So here we have it-Hashem "pushed a button" and the whole world went crazy. People ran around stocking up on water, canned goods, bread, candles, flashlights...you name it. How could we live for a few days without power?
People are left without access to the internet. Ask yourself this question. Who is part of your social circle? Does it extend past your Facebook friends and those you talk to through email and text? How much face to face contact do you have with the people who are important to you-beyond your immediate family?
In preparation for the hurricane, someone on the radio mentioned that this will give families a chance to reconnect with each other. When the power goes out and the batteries on all the electronic devices start to die, siblings and parents can actually talk to each other. There's no distraction of laptops and computers, iPhones and Tablets and any other electronic devices. Devices that instead of connecting us, disconnect us from those who are important and close to us.
Trees got thrown down just a few inches away from houses and cars. I saw with my own eyes the precision of the fall...how every inch is calculated. Another inch-and that car would have been smashed. Another inch-and that house would have had major damage. This showed me how every little detail is calculated, every inch, every moment of our lives. The same One who made the tree fall directly in front of that house and an inch away from that car, is watching over me every moment. The details of my life are calculated; Hashem works with precision and care.
Many people are still in the dark. They are illuminating their homes with candles instead of electric lights. The effects of the hurricane are far from over. It will still take another few days for power to be restored. The impact and the message of Hurricane Sandy may stay with them for a little longer than it stays with you. The choice is yours.
How long do you want to remember this hurricane for? How long will these messages stay with you?
There are many lessons and messages that we can take from the hurricane and all that happened in the last few days-the excitement and preparation leading up to it, the time spent indoors to ensure full protection from the storm, and the aftermath…living without electricity and waiting for the power to be restored.
I got the following text message this morning: Hashem is powerful and we are powerless.
When we are hit by a “natural” disaster, it gives us a chance to stop and think. To realize WHO really is in control of every aspect of our lives.
Yes, we are the ones who go through the motions of our day-to-day lives, accomplishing and getting things done. But when we are blessed with that clarity the moment we lose power, we realize Who is the one who has the power and who is really powerless.
I am reminded of a poem/song I once posted, If Hashem Were To Go On Strike. It's taken from a tape, The Iron Butterfly, by Suki and Ding. I will post it here again because the message is so on target.
It’s just a good thing that Hashem above has never gone on strike,
Because He wasn’t treated for or for the things he didn’t like.
And if He had just once sat down and said, “That’s it, I’m through,
I’ve had enough of those on earth so this is what I’ll do:
I’ll give my orders to the sun, cut off your heat supply,
And to the clouds, give no more rain and run those oceans dry.”
And just to make it tough and to put the pressure on,
He’d cut off all the oxygen ‘til every breath is gone.
Do you know that Hashem would be justified if fairness were the game,
For no one has been more abused or treated with disdain.
And yet Hashem has carried on supplying you and me,
With all the favors in His world and everything for free.
No more would flowers bud in spring and food just wouldn’t grow,
And summer turn to winter, Hashem can do it all, you know.
He could make the daytime pitch black so we’d see our way no more,
There’s just so much Hashem can do to even up the score!
Men say they want a better deal and so on strike they go,
But what a deal we’ve given Hashem to whom everything we owe?
We don’t care who we hurt or harm to gain the things we like,
But what a mess we’d all be in if Hashem were to go on strike!!
So here we have it-Hashem "pushed a button" and the whole world went crazy. People ran around stocking up on water, canned goods, bread, candles, flashlights...you name it. How could we live for a few days without power?
People are left without access to the internet. Ask yourself this question. Who is part of your social circle? Does it extend past your Facebook friends and those you talk to through email and text? How much face to face contact do you have with the people who are important to you-beyond your immediate family?
In preparation for the hurricane, someone on the radio mentioned that this will give families a chance to reconnect with each other. When the power goes out and the batteries on all the electronic devices start to die, siblings and parents can actually talk to each other. There's no distraction of laptops and computers, iPhones and Tablets and any other electronic devices. Devices that instead of connecting us, disconnect us from those who are important and close to us.
Trees got thrown down just a few inches away from houses and cars. I saw with my own eyes the precision of the fall...how every inch is calculated. Another inch-and that car would have been smashed. Another inch-and that house would have had major damage. This showed me how every little detail is calculated, every inch, every moment of our lives. The same One who made the tree fall directly in front of that house and an inch away from that car, is watching over me every moment. The details of my life are calculated; Hashem works with precision and care.
Many people are still in the dark. They are illuminating their homes with candles instead of electric lights. The effects of the hurricane are far from over. It will still take another few days for power to be restored. The impact and the message of Hurricane Sandy may stay with them for a little longer than it stays with you. The choice is yours.
How long do you want to remember this hurricane for? How long will these messages stay with you?
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Seeing the Good
My last post brought up some discussion and I wanted to share some thoughts of the back and forth with you.
Someone wanted to know how to reach that level of emunah-of knowing with such certainty that everything Hashem does is for the good. It’s something that takes a lot of work…a lifetime of work.
One thing I feel that has helped me get to that point (and I’m still working at it!) is to think back to different things that have happened in my life and that I’ve been through in my life and notice the good that came out of it.
There were things that were obviously good-from the beginning, like the schools I went to and the people I got to know while I was there. There are things like my year in seminary and I can truly say that my experiences there shaped me, molded me, changed me and helped me be the person I am today.
But then there are the less obvious things. Difficult things I would never have chosen to experience. I can look back at those things and know that there is good that came out of it. I am a different person because of those challenging times. There is no way I could be the person I am today if I haven’t gone through those things. I would never have asked for them but I can actually see some element of good that came out as a result of those experiences. They were painful for me, but I am a different me because of them.
Sometimes, I can actually see something intrinsically good that came as a result of the difficult times. Not just the person I am or became. Not just the changes inside me. There are things that happened that may not have happened had I not gone through the pain. There were difficult times that were catalysts for good changes in my life and the life of my family. Thinking about those things reinforces the belief that each thing that happens, every single thing Hashem puts me through, is for the good.
Looking back at the things that happened in my life, the good and the bad, the easy and the difficult, the comfortable and the uncomfortable, I can know with certainty that every single thing Hashem does is for the good. Sometimes I am blessed to see it and other times I cannot see. But recognizing the good that came out of the things I am aware of makes this knowledge enter the very fiber of my being and know it…really know it so deep inside me…that no matter what, whether I see it or I don’t, it is for the good.
But…with all this knowledge, do I think one day I will be able to thank Hashem for the difficult things I had to go through?
I don’t know. I just don’t know. I think it may be a madreiga of tzaddikim to be able to thank Hashem for the tough things they experienced. And that might be because they know with such clarity that every single thing is good, and even if it was hard, there were good things that came from it. Things like growth in their emunah, a deeper connection to Hashem or whatever other things THEY changed as a person. Maybe they have a deeper vision, a better understanding, or a rock solid emunah that I’m working to get.
But for me, whatever knowledge I do have doesn’t take away from the fact that it was a hard thing to go through. If I had a choice, maybe I’d play my life differently-so it’s a good thing I don’t have a choice! I know these things are good for me but am I thankful for the pain?
Yes, I know it’s for the good, and just working on that knowledge and internalizing it will take time…but being able to be thankful for it is another step…a step for greater people than me…and mayyybe one day I’ll reach that level. But for now, I’m allowing myself to be a human being. :-)
I do not ask for pain but when I am thrown into a difficult situation, I will do my best to climb...as slowly as I need to...and never stop climbing.
Someone wanted to know how to reach that level of emunah-of knowing with such certainty that everything Hashem does is for the good. It’s something that takes a lot of work…a lifetime of work.
One thing I feel that has helped me get to that point (and I’m still working at it!) is to think back to different things that have happened in my life and that I’ve been through in my life and notice the good that came out of it.
There were things that were obviously good-from the beginning, like the schools I went to and the people I got to know while I was there. There are things like my year in seminary and I can truly say that my experiences there shaped me, molded me, changed me and helped me be the person I am today.
But then there are the less obvious things. Difficult things I would never have chosen to experience. I can look back at those things and know that there is good that came out of it. I am a different person because of those challenging times. There is no way I could be the person I am today if I haven’t gone through those things. I would never have asked for them but I can actually see some element of good that came out as a result of those experiences. They were painful for me, but I am a different me because of them.
Sometimes, I can actually see something intrinsically good that came as a result of the difficult times. Not just the person I am or became. Not just the changes inside me. There are things that happened that may not have happened had I not gone through the pain. There were difficult times that were catalysts for good changes in my life and the life of my family. Thinking about those things reinforces the belief that each thing that happens, every single thing Hashem puts me through, is for the good.
Looking back at the things that happened in my life, the good and the bad, the easy and the difficult, the comfortable and the uncomfortable, I can know with certainty that every single thing Hashem does is for the good. Sometimes I am blessed to see it and other times I cannot see. But recognizing the good that came out of the things I am aware of makes this knowledge enter the very fiber of my being and know it…really know it so deep inside me…that no matter what, whether I see it or I don’t, it is for the good.
But…with all this knowledge, do I think one day I will be able to thank Hashem for the difficult things I had to go through?
I don’t know. I just don’t know. I think it may be a madreiga of tzaddikim to be able to thank Hashem for the tough things they experienced. And that might be because they know with such clarity that every single thing is good, and even if it was hard, there were good things that came from it. Things like growth in their emunah, a deeper connection to Hashem or whatever other things THEY changed as a person. Maybe they have a deeper vision, a better understanding, or a rock solid emunah that I’m working to get.
But for me, whatever knowledge I do have doesn’t take away from the fact that it was a hard thing to go through. If I had a choice, maybe I’d play my life differently-so it’s a good thing I don’t have a choice! I know these things are good for me but am I thankful for the pain?
Yes, I know it’s for the good, and just working on that knowledge and internalizing it will take time…but being able to be thankful for it is another step…a step for greater people than me…and mayyybe one day I’ll reach that level. But for now, I’m allowing myself to be a human being. :-)
I do not ask for pain but when I am thrown into a difficult situation, I will do my best to climb...as slowly as I need to...and never stop climbing.
Thursday, October 18, 2012
A Broken Heart
There’s a famous quote from the Kotzker Rebbe, “There is nothing more whole than a broken heart”. I’ve been trying to understand this for a while but after all the things I searched and read about, I realized that the answer to my question lies deep inside me, inside my soul. And I wanted to share my thoughts with you.
There are times in our lives when our hearts are broken, shattered into pieces. We don’t know where to turn, how to move on, how we will ever continue.
Can a broken heart truly be whole? Complete? What does this mean?
When someone’s heart is broken, it gives them a chance to reflect, to really think, to really cry, to try to really understand. But in truth, we are not given the brains, we are not given the clarity, the understanding, to be able to know why. Why this happened. Why we had to go through this.
So…we turn towards heaven. Towards Hashem. In our tears, in our pain, in our anguish. Hashem, we say, why?? Why did this have to happen? Why do we have to go through something so intensely painful?
And this is where the process of completion begins.
It’s a process. A process of working on and strengthening our emunah in Hashem. That every single thing that happens is for the good. We may not see it right now. We may not be able to fathom it when we are in such intense pain but it is the ultimate truth.
Hashem is running the world. Hashem is running our world. The teeny little world we live in…surrounded by our friends and family, which includes our many hurts, our aches and our pains. And every thing that happens in our own little world is for the good.
Sometimes we are blessed to get a small glimpse into the good, a small ray of light, an opening for the potential for something better to come out of the pain we are going through. Other times, we only see darkness, we feel so broken, we do not know how we will go on…and we simply do not understand.
But…it is for the good.
It takes work. It takes a lot to internalize that message. That no matter what is going on in our lives, there is a purpose for it. That there is a reason for all the pain we are put through in this world. And not only is there a reason, there is a good reason. The pain is there for something good. Something good will come out of this.
My heart may be broken but I am working on my emunah. On making myself so complete and so whole in my trust and belief in Hashem. On coming out so much stronger. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able say it was worth the pain, worth the hurt, worth the fact that my heart has been shattered into so many pieces but…I wasn’t given a choice.
And once I am where I am, I will work on picking up the pieces of my broken heart and using the pain to make my heart more complete...more complete in my trust in Hashem, that every single thing He does, whether I understand it or not-is for the good.
There is nothing more whole than a broken heart. I am slowly learning that.
There are times in our lives when our hearts are broken, shattered into pieces. We don’t know where to turn, how to move on, how we will ever continue.
Can a broken heart truly be whole? Complete? What does this mean?
When someone’s heart is broken, it gives them a chance to reflect, to really think, to really cry, to try to really understand. But in truth, we are not given the brains, we are not given the clarity, the understanding, to be able to know why. Why this happened. Why we had to go through this.
So…we turn towards heaven. Towards Hashem. In our tears, in our pain, in our anguish. Hashem, we say, why?? Why did this have to happen? Why do we have to go through something so intensely painful?
And this is where the process of completion begins.
It’s a process. A process of working on and strengthening our emunah in Hashem. That every single thing that happens is for the good. We may not see it right now. We may not be able to fathom it when we are in such intense pain but it is the ultimate truth.
Hashem is running the world. Hashem is running our world. The teeny little world we live in…surrounded by our friends and family, which includes our many hurts, our aches and our pains. And every thing that happens in our own little world is for the good.
Sometimes we are blessed to get a small glimpse into the good, a small ray of light, an opening for the potential for something better to come out of the pain we are going through. Other times, we only see darkness, we feel so broken, we do not know how we will go on…and we simply do not understand.
But…it is for the good.
It takes work. It takes a lot to internalize that message. That no matter what is going on in our lives, there is a purpose for it. That there is a reason for all the pain we are put through in this world. And not only is there a reason, there is a good reason. The pain is there for something good. Something good will come out of this.
My heart may be broken but I am working on my emunah. On making myself so complete and so whole in my trust and belief in Hashem. On coming out so much stronger. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able say it was worth the pain, worth the hurt, worth the fact that my heart has been shattered into so many pieces but…I wasn’t given a choice.
And once I am where I am, I will work on picking up the pieces of my broken heart and using the pain to make my heart more complete...more complete in my trust in Hashem, that every single thing He does, whether I understand it or not-is for the good.
There is nothing more whole than a broken heart. I am slowly learning that.
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Teshuva-R' Miller
QUESTION:
If a person is still continuing to do aveiros, is there any sense in doing teshuva?
ANSWER:
Absolutely! And he should ask Hakadosh Baruch Hu for help that he should stop. I'll explain that. When a person does an aveiro and he's happy with it, then it's a much greater sin. If a person does an aveiro, but he is ashamed and he's sorry that he's doing it, it's subtracted from his punishment. Yes, even though he still does it.
The Chofetz Chaim, zichrono l'ivrocha, wrote a sefer for Jewish soldiers. In those days when they were drafted into the Russian army they had to eat treifa foods. So he said, “If you must eat treifa food then don't suck the juice out of the bones.” Which means, don't show that you enjoy it. You're only eating it to save your life from starving. And so when a person does a chet, a sin, even a big chet, a mechalel shabbos, but he's sorry he was mechalel shabbos, it's already a madreiga. To be sorry is a madreiga, you have achieved something. Of course it's not teshuva sheleima, very far from it, but it's a very big thing. Haoseh aveiro umisbayeish bo, he's ashamed, it's a very big thing.
And therefore it pays even for sinners to ask Hashem to forgive them. Only they should add, “…and please Hashem help me that I should make a real perfect teshuva.”
To subscribe to weekly emails with questions and answers from R' Avigdor Miller zt"l, click here.
If a person is still continuing to do aveiros, is there any sense in doing teshuva?
ANSWER:
Absolutely! And he should ask Hakadosh Baruch Hu for help that he should stop. I'll explain that. When a person does an aveiro and he's happy with it, then it's a much greater sin. If a person does an aveiro, but he is ashamed and he's sorry that he's doing it, it's subtracted from his punishment. Yes, even though he still does it.
The Chofetz Chaim, zichrono l'ivrocha, wrote a sefer for Jewish soldiers. In those days when they were drafted into the Russian army they had to eat treifa foods. So he said, “If you must eat treifa food then don't suck the juice out of the bones.” Which means, don't show that you enjoy it. You're only eating it to save your life from starving. And so when a person does a chet, a sin, even a big chet, a mechalel shabbos, but he's sorry he was mechalel shabbos, it's already a madreiga. To be sorry is a madreiga, you have achieved something. Of course it's not teshuva sheleima, very far from it, but it's a very big thing. Haoseh aveiro umisbayeish bo, he's ashamed, it's a very big thing.
And therefore it pays even for sinners to ask Hashem to forgive them. Only they should add, “…and please Hashem help me that I should make a real perfect teshuva.”
To subscribe to weekly emails with questions and answers from R' Avigdor Miller zt"l, click here.
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Teamwork
I would like to share the following inspiring poem with you since we are now at the start of a new school year.
Unity
By: Ray A. Lingenfelter
I dreamed I stood in a studio
And watched two sculptures there.
The clay they used was a young child's mind
And they fashioned it with care.
One was a teacher-the tools she used
Were book, music and art.
The other, a parent, worked with a guiding hand
And a gentle loving heart.
Day after day, the teacher toiled with touch
That was careful, deft, and sure.
While the parent labored by his side
And polished and smoothed it o'er.
And at last when their work was done
They were proud of what they had wrought.
For the things they molded into the child
Could neither be sold nor bought.
And each agreed they would have failed
If each had worked alone.
For behind the parent stood the school
And behind the teacher, the home.
Labels:
Poem
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Always Watching
I posted this before and wanted to share this with you again.
We are now right at the start of Chodesh Elul. It’s the beginning of a big month, a month that we all hope to fill with change and growth. Change does not happen on it’s own – it’s something that requires work, time, thought and effort.
I learned that the Jewish calendar year can be compared to a spiral staircase – although we have the same yomim tovim every year, we are (hopefully) climbing higher and higher every time we reach that point in the calendar. The year goes in a circle and we come to the same spot again every year but we hope that this year we are at a higher level than we were on last year.
It is a very big challenge to keep climbing and going higher. It can be compared to standing on an escalator that is going downward. If you do not make sure to step up, you will automatically be going downwards. It's a climb! But it is definitely worth it when you reach the top.
One way to make sure you utilize the time during Elul to the fullest is by thinking shivisi Hashem l'negdi samid - (I always have Hashem before me) as many times as you can throughout your day. This pasuk is so powerful and can change the way you act at any moment.
For example, if you think about this pasuk on your way to work/school/camp activity, you can try to come up with ways to bring Hashem into your day more. If you are about to make a bracha, this can help enhance your kavannah. Thinking about it can cause you to refrain from negative speech because if you remember that Hashem is watching you, you will not want to do the wrong thing! When you are faced with a decision and are unsure what to do and this thought comes to mind, it will surely help you gain more clarity.
Give yourself a time during the day when you will think about it - at least once. It can be while you eat breakfast or lunch, before you check your emails or even while you are on the phone with someone. You can let this pasuk go through your mind when you have some quiet time in middle of your day.
There is a famous story about the Chofetz Chaim who had hired a wagon driver to take him somewhere. While they were passing a farm, the driver abruptly stopped the wagon and climbed down in order to steal something from the farmer. He left the Chofetz Chaim in the wagon as a lookout. As the driver embarked on his mission, the Chofetz Chaim called out: "He's looking!" The driver raced back to the wagon, spurred the horses to a vigorous gallop and made his getaway, the Chofetz Chaim in tow.
But how can we make it more real to us?
By thinking about this pasuk, shivisi Hashem l'negdi samid more often during the course of your day, you will be more aware of Hashem's presence in your life. This will help you think twice before you act and help you make the right choices - positive choices.
Hatzlacha!
Inspiration gained from this post should be a zechus for the aliyas neshama of my friend's mother, Ruchama Rivka Sondra bas R' Yechiel whose sixth yartzheit is tonight, Beis Elul.
We are now right at the start of Chodesh Elul. It’s the beginning of a big month, a month that we all hope to fill with change and growth. Change does not happen on it’s own – it’s something that requires work, time, thought and effort.
I learned that the Jewish calendar year can be compared to a spiral staircase – although we have the same yomim tovim every year, we are (hopefully) climbing higher and higher every time we reach that point in the calendar. The year goes in a circle and we come to the same spot again every year but we hope that this year we are at a higher level than we were on last year.
It is a very big challenge to keep climbing and going higher. It can be compared to standing on an escalator that is going downward. If you do not make sure to step up, you will automatically be going downwards. It's a climb! But it is definitely worth it when you reach the top.
One way to make sure you utilize the time during Elul to the fullest is by thinking shivisi Hashem l'negdi samid - (I always have Hashem before me) as many times as you can throughout your day. This pasuk is so powerful and can change the way you act at any moment.
For example, if you think about this pasuk on your way to work/school/camp activity, you can try to come up with ways to bring Hashem into your day more. If you are about to make a bracha, this can help enhance your kavannah. Thinking about it can cause you to refrain from negative speech because if you remember that Hashem is watching you, you will not want to do the wrong thing! When you are faced with a decision and are unsure what to do and this thought comes to mind, it will surely help you gain more clarity.
Give yourself a time during the day when you will think about it - at least once. It can be while you eat breakfast or lunch, before you check your emails or even while you are on the phone with someone. You can let this pasuk go through your mind when you have some quiet time in middle of your day.
There is a famous story about the Chofetz Chaim who had hired a wagon driver to take him somewhere. While they were passing a farm, the driver abruptly stopped the wagon and climbed down in order to steal something from the farmer. He left the Chofetz Chaim in the wagon as a lookout. As the driver embarked on his mission, the Chofetz Chaim called out: "He's looking!" The driver raced back to the wagon, spurred the horses to a vigorous gallop and made his getaway, the Chofetz Chaim in tow.
When
they had gotten a safe distance away, the wagon driver turned to the
Chofetz Chaim and asked, "Who was it that saw me?" The Chofetz Chaim
gestured upwards and said, "He sees everything."
Yes, we all know Hashem is always watching us and sees everything we do.
But how can we make it more real to us?
By thinking about this pasuk, shivisi Hashem l'negdi samid more often during the course of your day, you will be more aware of Hashem's presence in your life. This will help you think twice before you act and help you make the right choices - positive choices.
Hatzlacha!
Inspiration gained from this post should be a zechus for the aliyas neshama of my friend's mother, Ruchama Rivka Sondra bas R' Yechiel whose sixth yartzheit is tonight, Beis Elul.
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Missing: One Detail
My family gathered together at my brother's kever as we do every year. We had just started the tefillos when someone's cell phone rang.
Why didn't they put their phone on silent? I thought to myself.
I turned to see whose phone just rang. It was my mother's. She picked up the call.
Why is she picking up the phone?? She knows we are at the kever now. My mother, of all people, should know that now is not the right time or place to be on the phone.
As I listened to her side of the conversation, I understood exactly why she left her ringer on and why she picked up. At my brother's kever. She was expecting this call. Someone had called to give her a name to daven for. I could tell from my mother's response that the person on the other line also mentioned something they would be doing as a zechus for my brother's neshama.
It's so easy to jump to conclusions. We see people doing things that look or seem strange and we guess and wonder. Even when we know it's so not like them to do that.
We need to try, instead of judging favorably, not to judge at all. Think I don't know why she did that. But knowing her, she must have had a good reason. If it's too hard not to judge at all because your brain is already on a little road trip, then try to come up with excuses for why the person may have done what they did.
A great way to work on this is to turn the tables around for a minute. Think to yourself, if this would have been me, what would be my reasons for doing that? It's so much easier to come up with excuses for your own behavior than to figure out why someone else may have done something.
There are so many dan l'kaf zechus stories. So many times, you are just missing one detail and if you had that little piece of information, the whole story comes out differently.
Something came up one morning and I was going to be late for work. I sent my coworker a text message letting her know I'd be late and another one later when I was on my way. There was no response to any of my texts but I assumed things had been busy and she didnt get to respond.
Later that night, she told me that after her battery died and she charged it, she turned her phone back on and a whole bunch of messages popped up on her screen. She had been wondering why I never let her know I'd be late to work that day...and there was her answer. I did let her know but she never got my messages.
She knew it was so not like me to roll in to work so late without letting her know in advance. She didn't jump to conclusions but she just wondered what was up and why I acted in a way that was a little less than responsible. It took a little time...and then she got her answer.
Sometimes you'll guess and you'll be right. Right on the mark for the reason the person acted that way. Other times you'll never know the real reason. But as long as in your head you are seeing things positively and if you are wondering you are judging favorably, you are doing good.
Just remember: there is so much you don't know. There are so many details to the story you may never know. Try to look at people and situations with a positive eye. Come up with excuses for others-the same excuses you'd come up with for yourself if you were in the same place.
You will be doing a world of good for yourself and for the people you come in contact with. You will be more positive when you are not pointing fingers and getting upset with people when you may just be missing one small detail. And those around you will enjoy being in the company of someone who is pleasant and positive.
May you always be able to view things in a positive light and refrain from judging people and situations in the wrong way. May working on this make your own little world a happier place to be.
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