Seder Night

Seder night
House is bright
Full of light
And joy
We sit together
As a family
Each child ready
Haggadas chosen
Wine is poured
As we begin
The tradition
Of Kadeish, urchatz
Singing softly
Happy tunes
Joyous melodies
Uplifting moods
I glance around
The table
Look around
At my kids
And feel blessed
We are here
Together
Healthy and well
Amid uncertainty
Around the world. 
Yet as I look
At my son
And see his choice
Of haggadah
My heart
Falls
And I feel sad
His own haggadah
Should be full
Of divrei torah
From his rebbe
Dictated
Carefully
Written
In his childish scribbles
But understood
With his mature
Understanding
And repeated
With clarity
And he knows which ones
I would like
He should repeat
The gematrias
And remazim
Mathematical calculations
That explain
The meaning
Behind this part
Of the hagaddah
And the deeper meaning
Behind this phrase
In the haggadah
And the story here
And a mashal there
All explained
By his rebbe
Written in his haggadah
In his messy handwriting
But given over
With crystal clear
Understanding.
It should be that way.
Yet
His haggadah is empty
Sure, the pages are full,
Full of the printed words
Of the haggadah
But the lines
The empty lines
Waiting to be filled in
With divrei torah
Dictated
By his rebbe
With love
And passion
Giving over
Stories
And explanations 
Deeper meanings
Behind
Hashem's miracles
And our slavery
None of it
Was filled in
Nothing there
But empty lines
They waited
He waited
For his rebbe
Who wasn't feeling well
To get better
So he could teach
Over the phone
And he could write down
All the explanations
Baruch Hashem
His rebbe is feeling better
And on the last day 
Of learning 
Before pesach 
He was able to
Come onto the phone
To wish the boys
To wish his boys
A gut yom tov
But that was it.
No divrei torah
Written down
Scribbled
No divrei torah
To share
With his family.
So instead,
He chose another haggadah
With beautiful stories
And short explanations
Which was great
And nice
For this time
But for me
The saddest sight
The sight the broke my heart
Was that empty haggadah
With pages waiting to be filled
Because
It represented
The emptiness
The desire
The yearning
For learning
For real learning
And structure
And social interactions
And deeper connections
That exist
In the classroom
Yes, I am grateful
Grateful for life
For this life
For our health
And his rebbe's
Improved health
But I am sad.
I look at the empty pages
Of his haggadah
And wish
We could go back
Rewrite
This time
And fill in
The blanks
The empty pages
And relive
The excitement
That comes along
With seder night
And the full experience
Of yeshiva
In session
With lessons
That are eternal
Embedded
Into the soul
Of my young boy
So he doesn't have to read
From a preprinted
Haggadah
With English translations
And English
Explanations
Instead
He would read
Straight from his book
From his hand written
Illegible - to me
But legible
To him
Thoughts
And divrei torah
That are imprinted
In his heart
Forever.
Hashem...
Please allow our children
To learn from their rabbeim
In their classrooms
With the halls of their
Yeshiva
Reverberating
With the sounds
Of torah
Of singing
With hasmadah
And fire
And excitement
And joy
And bring us back
To your home
To your palace
With joy
And happiness
And tears
Of excitement
So we can sing
And praise you
Forever
And ever.