Tuesday, January 24, 2012

The Right Thing

In life, most of us want to do the right thing.

Sometimes it's very clear. It's obvious. You look at a situation and you know what you are supposed to do.

Other times, it's not that clear at all. You need to turn it over in your head, you may need to speak to some people (but not too many people, because that can end up confusing you) and figure out what that right thing to do in that situation is.

Sometimes it's easy to do it. It doesn't take much on your part and you can make the decision and follow through.

Other times, it's very, very hard to do the right thing. Even once you came to the conclusion that this is what you should be doing and you KNOW it's the right thing for you, actually doing it takes a lot on your part.

It's when you are dealing not just with logic, with what you know in your head is right, but when you're dealing with your emotions-that's when it gets hard.

When your heart is torn in two places at once and one part of you says one thing and the other part says something else, that's where the conflict lies. When your emotions are involved, it gets hard.

But if you know that you are making the right decision and what you are doing is what is right and good, you will be able to do it even if it's hard. No matter how hard it is.

What does it mean to be ma'aveer al hamiddos? When you are in a situation where your heart tells you to do one thing but your brain and your head tells you to do something else, when you have to look past the hurt that you've been through and do what is right even if it's hard and even if it's painful for you...that is being ma'aveer al hamiddos.

When someone hurt you and you don't hurt back.

When you go to the next level and do what is right even if it's hard.

When you are done and you look back you can say, I did the right thing.

Keep those two words in your head when you are making a decision like this.

Is it the right thing?

Yes, I may be right and I could do xyz but who will be hurt if I do that? Do I really want to hurt someone else?

We are put into this world to perfect ourselves. The mitzvos bein adam l'chaveiro aren't always easy. When you do something because it is what you should be doing, even though it is hard for you, you are perfecting your character and becoming a better person.

It may be hard but it will be worth it.

When you look back and see what you gained from doing what was right, you'll be glad you did it...no matter how hard it was.


  1. That's pretty much how I gauge everything: Will someone be embarrassed/hurt if I said anything? It says not to embarrass someone; I try to hold to that.

  2. last night i was trying to figure something out. my first reaction was to go call someone for advice and then i realized sometimes the best one to talk to is Hashem, sit there and talk to Him about it. think about it, usualy when you ask someone for advice they dont usualy give you an answer but rather listen to you so you can come the the conclusion your own.
    hear what im saying?

  3. PL-yes, that's definitely the right way to do things. It's not always so easy though.

    MW-thank you. Sometimes we need to speak to someone wiser than us to help us come to such conclusions. :)

    Anon-I'm not sure what you mean. Sometimes it helps to talk out your feelings and if you feel it helpful to let out your emotions to Hashem that can be a good thing. However, when it comes to something that you really need advice for, it is important to go to someone who can help you. Don't you think that's what Hashem put other people in this world for? So that we can be there for each other and help our friends out? Some people are missing in one thing and their friend is able to help them with that specific thing. Many times when faced with a dilemma, it can be SO helpful to talk it out, to speak to someone who is not emotionally involved in that situation because as an outsider they can give you the best advice possible.

    Maybe you haven't had that positive experience because you haven't tried it yet but trust me-it's worth a try. When you speak to someone who can look at your situation from an objective point of view and they can tell you what the right thing to do is (and then you do it), it feels good because you know you did what you should have done. By going to someone else and not coming to such a conclusion on your own, you know that this is not something you are doing because it feels good or because you want it-but because it's what you should be doing.

    Hear what I'm saying?

  4. yeah i hear u. dont worry. just sayng i'm one to always alway always call people, like the first thing, and not think about it on my own so i was saying that sometimes you have to think for yourself. but everything u said was very true. thanks!:)


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