It's been thirteen years since I wrote this post. Thirteen years since the day my older brother Mordechai and his wife became parents to their (second) son on the day of my brother Shalom's yartzeit.
We held our breath for eight days until we heard the name they chose for this baby. They named him Shalom Baruch after the uncle he would never know. What a comforting feeling to know that someone would carry on the name of our brother was niftar at 15, before he was old enough to get married and have children of his own.
He wasnt the first to be named after Shalom a"h. My own son was born a little more than two months before and was given the same name. But he was the first and only boy to be born on the day his namesake was niftar.
Thirteen years.
I think about how much has happened in this little boy's life. Little milestones. Smiling, rolling over, crawling, baby teeth, waking, talking...
Other, more significant milestones. His upsherin. His first siddur. His first chumash. His first gemara.
And now...his bar mitzvah.
There's so much that happens in the first thirteen years of a child's life.
The second thirteen years are also pretty life changing.
Reaching the milestone of teenage hood and label of teenager. (I hope those years will be smooth for him!)
Growing up, maturing, learning and expanding-on the inside and outside. In ways that are visible and ways no one can see or know.
There's the possibility of marriage and the hope of starting a family too.
There's so much growth and change that happens in the next thirteen years of a child's life. It's the years they slowly transform from child to adult.
But what happens after that? What happens in the thirteen years that follow?
How much change actually happens then?
Am I stuck in my ways?
Am I changing and growing, learning and developing, stretching my muscles to do things that are hard for me?
Am I open to change the patterns I know need to change?
Are you?
As long as we are alive, we can. We have the time at this very moment to switch gears. To do something different. To make a move.
If we want to change patterns, if we want to look back in thirteen years from now and be proud of the person looking back at us in the mirror, we need to take a step, any small step, in the direction of change.
Find a book on the topic that you struggle most with.
Look for a lecture.
Commit to finding a therapist that can help you.
Ask a friend, "What is most annoying about me?"
Ask a family member, "If I could change one thing, what would you want it to be?"
Be brave.
Be bold.
Be courageous.
Be daring.
Be the change you want to see in your life by taking a step to change.
Do it now.
May it be a zechus for Shalom ben Chaim Nosson whose 17th yartzeit is today.
To read the story behind Shalom's tragic and sudden death, click here.
