Parshas Nitzavim

Moshe tells Bnei Yisroel - you have a choice between life and good and death and bad. He says, choose life!
The way to choose life is by making choices that connect us to the source of life, Hashem.

Now, before Rosh Hashanah, we should ask ourselves, are we doing things that bring us closer to Hashem or are we distancing ourselves from Him? Are we using the gifts He gave us-our eyes, ears, mouth, hands and feet to connect to Hashem in a real way?

Do we try to see Hashem in our daily life?
Are we receptive to inspiration?
Do we speak calmly and kindly to others?
Can we use our hands to do chessed thereby making a kiddush Hashem?
Have we walked away from arguments and negativity?

It's the last shabbos of the year. We have a chance to fix everything we've corrupted over this past year. Let's make a commitment to use our body to connect to Hashem, the source of life. 

May we be able to elevate every fiber of our being to connect to Hashem, the source of life and this way, well merit to be written down for a year of life, connection and meaning!

Tzom Gedalia

Here's a short thought and a practical lesson we can take from today's fast day.

We fasted because the tzaddik Gedalia was killed on this day. He was warned beforehand that someone was planning to kill him but he didn't believe the Lashon Hara nor did he investigate to see if there was any truth to it. 

We learn from here that there are times to ask questions, to see if something negative we heard is true-in order to protect ourselves. We can't have an "absolutely no Lashon Hara"  policy. 

Extremes are not good; everything must be done in moderation. 

Maybe this day comes right after Rosh Hashana, when we start to accept new changes upon ourselves so we can be aware: STOP! Don't take too much upon yourself. Do good, make changes, but don't go to crazy extremes or you may end up hurt in the end!

Have a meaningful next few days of slow, gradual changes!

History

Rosh Hashana is almost here. I wanted to post something I wrote before since the message applies to this time...

My son is making a puppet show with some stuffed animals. He picks up the Pooh bear. 

"What does Winnie the Pooh like to eat?" I ask. I'm sure he doesn't know. I never told him.

"Honey!" He smiles. 

When I ask him how he knew that, he tells me that two years ago, his morah read him a book and showed his class a video about Winnie the Pooh.

Two years ago? And this kid remembers?

I know my son. And I know he has a good memory. He is extremely observant and doesn't forget little details. But still, for him to remember that Pooh loves to eat honey...it gets me thinking.

The things we look at, the books we read, the websites we visit, the videos we watch, the music we listen to,  the billboards we look at, all these things make an impression on us. They stay with us forever. 

 *   *   *

Have you ever checked your browsing history on your computer? Press Ctrl and H on your keyboard at the same time and you will see a comprehensive list of all the websites you've visited along with the dates and times you clicked on the pages.

Employers can use this-and other more sophisticated means-to check up on their employees to see what they are up to during down time at work.

Parents can check up on their children to see what they are doing while they are online.

There is a record of everything you do, every link you click on, every page you access.

Sure, you can go incognito.

Yes, you can try to hide your tracks, visiting webpages using anonymous browsers.

And you can delete your browsing history when you are done your session.

But...Hashem has a record.

Hashem sees every single thing you do. 

Every single page you visit. 

Every single click of your mouse.

Glance of your eyes.

Hashem keeps track of every action you take-online, at home, at school, at work and in the privacy of your home.

Wherever you are, Hashem is watching.

Da ma l'ma'alah mimcha-ayin ro'ah v'ozen shoma'as v'chol ma'asecha beseifer nichtavim. Know what is above you-an eye that sees, an ear that hears, and all your actions are written in a book-a book that records everything, that doesn't miss out on a single thing.

It's a pretty scary thought.

Hashem watches everything. 

Hashem remembers everything.

There is no deleting what you saw, listened to, heard or watched. 

My son...he has a pretty good memory. I am sometimes shocked by the things he can recall, the little details he reminds me of that I don't remember.

The computer...it keep track of everything. Every click, every page, every visit.

But...Hashem...He is way beyond all that. 

He sees all and He doesn't forget.

Ever.

Succos-Strengthening Our Emunah

Every yom tov is meant to instill deeper levels of emunah into our hearts. 

Succos is a special yom tov that comes after the inspiring days of Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur. On Rosh Hashana, we remind ourselves once again that Hashem is the King and Ruler of the world. We are mere mortals and everything that happens to us is in His hands.

Anu tzonecha v'ata ro'einu-you are our Shepherd...we depend on you for every little bit of sustenance. Just like the sheep walks after the shepherd, following every step...we follow Hashem too and He takes care of us, nourishes us when we are thirsty, physically and spiritually. Sometimes we see it physically, when we rely on Hashem for things and He gives us exactly what we need and other times we can even see it spiritually-if we look out for it-we will see how He sent us the people or inspiration to help us move forward and grow exactly at a time we needed it most. Or He may put us in a situation where we feel like we must turn to Him and only Him, thereby strengthening our connection with and trust in Him. We don't ask for it...but when we grow from our life and our challenges, we know that there was a higher purpose to whatever happened.

On Yom Kippur, we stand before Hashem and attempt to cleanse ourselves from our spiritual lowliness, admitting to the times we fell, acknowledging that although we are human beings and we stumble daily, we want to be better, we want to be different. We ask Hashem to forgive us for the past. We look inside our hearts and remember things only we know about ourselves...and ask Him to see inside our souls, to see the person we want to be...and to help us get away from the things we wish we would never have done and to help us move forward towards spiritually better people.

Succos is a whole different yom tov. It is a time where we leave our homes, our comfort zones and we put into practice the things we already know in our heads. We leave our homes-why? To show-with actions-that we rely totally and completely on HaKadosh Baruch Hu. That the material things we have do not matter. What matters is not the fancy house, the outer trappings...what matters is what is going on inside our souls. Of course, we still make the mitzvos beautiful, we adorn our little huts, our temporary houses with all sorts of decorations...but we remind ourselves on a deeper level about what really is important in life. 

At the end of our lives, we will not take those things with us, not the chandeliers and not the fancy napkin rings. Not the clothing or the money or the shoes or the jewelry. Yes, we use the things we have to enhance our yom tov, to make nice dishes in honor of the special day, to serve them beautifully so we feel the joy of this holiday. When we use the things we were given to make yom tov more beautiful, that is a mitzvah. But we know that these things are not just for having-they're for elevating. They're for sharing. The most beautiful sukkah is one that is adorned with guests. :-)

And we leave our homes to remind ourselves Who we really rely on for the materialistic things we need, for our parnassah. When we leave our homes, we are in essence saying, Hashem, I am leaving my home because I want to show how I am totally dependent on you. I go out of my comfort zone, I go out of the house that belongs to me, the place I own and I go into Your shelter. I am under Your wings. You are the One who protects me always. You are the One who takes care of me at all times. It is You who provides for me and gives me every single thing I need. I am out in the open, under the clear blue sky, under Your sky. 

I know that everything comes from you. I know that everything I have comes from Your giant, unlimited hand. And I know that if there is anything I ever need, I can turn to you and ask for it. You are the Source of all that I have, all the bounty I have been blessed with and you are the only One who can...and will...give me everything I will ever need.

May you be able to enter the sukkah with these thoughts in mind and continue to strengthen the emunah you have in Hashem. May the things you know in your head but don't yet feel in your heart travel through that long passageway...like a great rav once said-the greatest distance to be traveled in this world is from the head to the heart. May you be able to use this yom tov to connect to Hashem on an even deeper level, internalizing the things you already know...and may it be a truly Chag Sameach for all of you!

More Time

I got a ticket.

For an expired meter.

I was frustrated and upset. 

I rushed out of a store after waiting on line for way too long and saw the two police officers...slowly walking away from my car. There was the familiar orange color of the ticket tucked into my windshield. I ran.

I ran after them. 

I begged and pleaded with them to please take the ticket back, do something, anything so I wouldn't have to pay the money.

"Buy a new one," one of the police officers said. "There's nothing I can do, but quick, buy a new meter card and I'll explain..."

"But..." I stammered

"Just buy it-if there are six minutes between the time on the ticket and the time on your new meter card, you..."

I didn't listen to the rest. 

I got a quarter, quickly put it into the machine and checked the time. It said 2:13pm.

I grabbed the orange ticket and compared the time. I was "caught" at 2:09pm. My new meter card showed four minutes after the time the ticket was issued.

I waited for the policeman to explain the rest, while trying to calm my pounding heart.

"Now you have a way out," he explained. "Since there are less than six minutes between the time you were ticketed and the time on your new card, you can now fight the ticket. There is a six minute grace period...and you can say that you were in middle of getting a new card and you had to get quarters from your car and during that time you got a ticket."

I'm not sure about the lying part and making up a story, but if there is a way for me to get out...if the judge will give me six minutes of time...I will not have to pay this ticket. I am grateful.

Rosh Hashana is almost here.

We feel so unprepared.

What?? Elul passed already?

It's been almost 30 days...what do we have to show for ourselves?

But Hashem is a Ba'al Rachamim.

He is not out to get us. He doesn't want us to trip...to fall...to have to pay for our mistakes, for our negligence, for our lateness.

And so we were give the gift of Teshuva. And the gift of time. And more time.

When we repent, show real, true regret for the things we may have done wrong, the good things we should have done but never did, the lost opportunities, the mistakes we made, Hashem listens.

He is aware of the circumstances that may have caused us to fall. And unlike the police officers who didn't care about the long line that caused me to be delayed by a few minutes, Hashem understands and takes all those "excuses" into account. 

When we are sincere about the kind of person we wish to become, Hashem hears.

When we ask Him to help us change, because it is just too hard for us to do it alone, Hashem listens...and He will help us.

But more than that, Hashem blessed us with time...and more time.

Yes, the meter is running out, but we can "buy another card." After Rosh Hashana, we are given ten days, the aseres yimei teshuva and after that we have Yom Kippur.

Look at how much rachmanus Hashem has!

He keeps giving us more and more time to do teshuva and come closer to Him!

That is not to say that we should push it off to the last minute (even though the last minute is almost here!). We should utilize the time we have now to think. Think about the past year...and the coming year...and the brachos we would like to see in our lives...and the changes we would like to see in ourselves...and start now. 

We may feel discouraged by the fact that so much time has passed and we haven't even made a dent in the changes we wish we could make, we didn't use Elul much...and we went through our daily routines without even thinking about teshuva. But we should not dispair! Just like when the meter was out, instead of slowly strolling back to my car, I RAN, we can all run now. Instead of sauntering through the next few days as if we don't have a care in the world, let's show Hashem how becoming the person we want to be is important to us. Let's show Hashem that we want to change, we want to become better, different, elevated, spiritual, growing people. 

Let's use the little time we have left to think about the past year...the things we did that we wish we would never have done, things we may have read, watched, listened to, spoken about...and let's think about ways we can put up safeguards so that we don't stumble every time. Yes, we may fall, but falling is part of the process of growing. And like a trampoline, realize that sometimes we can jump even higher because of our downs, because of our falls. It is all part of the beauty of spiritual growth.

Change isn't easy. But we are given another gift-the gift of tefillah. And we can ask Hashem to help us become the person we dream of becoming. It may seem far off...but with baby steps, we can get there.

Thank you, Hashem for the gift of teshuva. Please help all of us use whatever time we have left until the yom hadin to utilize that gift...to the fullest!

What Will You Pray For?

Rosh Hashana is coming up...and fast. It's a big day and a day with potential for a lot of things.

I think back to this year and some of the many things that happened to me personally and to the people close to me. Things that happened in the world around us. So many things happened this year. Some good. And some...not so good. There were simchos, so many happy things that happened this year - engagements, babies born, milestones, weddings...and there were tough things that happened to. I met people I never thought I would, made a new (and precious) friendship, and lost out on a relationship too.

Sometimes, before Rosh Hashana, I go through each month of the year - and each yom tov - just to remind myself of the different things that happened this year. I want to remember the details so I can remind myself that there is so much happening on high on this huge day. You can do it too. It helps put things in perspective before Rosh Hashana starts. Tishrei and all that came with last Rosh Hashana (I was in the emergency room with my mother-I wrote a post on it last year), Yom Kippur and Succos...skipping over to Kislev, Chanukah, when I gave birth to my daughter, Chaya Gitty...Adar and Purim, Nissan and Pesach, Counting towards Shavuos...so so many things happened this year.

This coming Rosh Hashana, I will not be in shul. Baruch Hashem, I have a job-to take care of my children. It's a tough transition, from a day full of spirituality and holiness, in shul with everyone else, to playing on the floor with little kids and keeping them entertained and happy. So I'll probably get to daven a little bit while my kids take a nap but...it's not the same as spending the day in shul, looking down at the men in their talleisim and just getting caught up in the emotion of the day along with everyone else.

But this is my job. I'm not complaining. It's a bracha. It's just something I'm not used to yet. In a few years I'll be used to this new reality. But for now, it's just so new and so...different.

And so I decided after so many different things that have been going on, that this year, my tefillos are going to be different. I'm not going to have that much time to daven all the real things that are in the machzor, where we crown Hashem as King and request all the things we need so that we can do our job in this world properly.

There are so many things that we all need - personally, for ourselves, for our families, for our friends and those close to us. Every single person has needs and the outside can be quite tricky but deep down inside each person knows that it all comes from Hashem and we only have Him to rely on. For yeshuos in every form. For the sick people to be healed. For the childless to give birth. For engagements and weddings...parnassa...clarity...children coming back and choosing the right path...for proper guidance in chinuch...keeping our children on the derech and making them love being frum...for shalom bayis...for answers to our questions...for the ultimate redemption.

And so, this year, I am going to be praying for...miracles. For things that only Hashem can do and nobody else. We all know deep down that everything comes from Him but...when it comes from a natural place, when you can look at a yeshuah and give credit to another person, it's easy to forget who it really came from.

Things are so confusing. I don't understand why things happen. I know there's a reason but I don't have all the answers.
I know Who to turn to and it's to Him I will pray.
It's to Him I will ask...for miracles.
Because He can do anything.

This Rosh Hashana, what will you pray for?