My precious child,
I want to wish you a shana tova, a sweet new year, and share with you a few things that I think you need you to know.
When I look at you I see something very different than what you see when you look in the mirror. You see yourself as you are now. But when I look at you I see who you can become. My primary goal is to help you grow from where you are now to where I know you can be.
Sometimes you are already challenging yourself and pushing yourself to become that person that I created you to become. So I just watch, with great nachas, and gently guide you in that direction. I orchestrate the events and experiences of your day-to-day life to ensure the maximum possibility of your achievement of that goal.
Other times, I have to present you with challenges and hurdles in order to convert your potential greatness into actualized excellence. I know that those moments are sometime painful, but if I don’t challenge you then you will never actualize your potential. Please remember that I am closer to you during those moments than I am at any other time.
I want to tell you about one of my most important employees. He is the V.P. of Human Development. His name is Yetzer hara, the evil inclination, and he works for me 365 days a year, 24/7. The Yetzer hara gets a bad rap, but he is really your best friend. If it weren’t for him, you would remain a nobody forever. I have empowered him to provide you with constant assaults and to approach you with a never ending barrage of creative tactics, but they only come to challenge you to grow and improve yourself. The Yetzer hara and I have only one goal for each encounter you have with him: we both want you to overpower him and show him what you are made of. Of course, once you do that I send him back with a more difficult obstacle to overcome, because that’s how you really become great.sh
Here’s some good advice: Speak to me. Often. And don’t think I only understand Hebrew. I understand every language there is. So speak to me in your own language. And you don’t have to wait to be in a synagogue; speak to me any time of day, no matter what you’re doing – when you’re driving your car, when you’re taking a walk. Speak to me before you go to sleep. And most of all, speak to me on Shabbos. I am always available and I really am a good listener. In fact, I understand you better than anyone else (even yourself) because you are mine and I made you. So don’t be shy, don’t feel awkward; just pour your heart out to me and I promise I will respond.
And take advantage of Shabbat; it’s My special gift for you. Turn off your phone, computer, iPad and all those other gadgets and use the quiet time to celebrate your most important relationships: your relationship with Me, your relationship with yourself and your relationships with those special people that you are closest to. Even if you can’t carve out the whole 25 hours for this purpose, at least use some of the day to connect to me.
I will let you in on a secret: I am talking to you all the time but I speak in a faint whisper. You have so many competing sounds, a cacophony of noises going on around you that drown me out. Find some quiet time and Shabbos and listen. You will be amazed what you hear.
Don’t try to go through the journey of life on your own. I want you to find a mentor who can guide you and teach you and show you how to find Me and connect to Me. When you find that person, cling to him or her and don’t let go. Make them teach you and guide you and take their advice to heart.
In addition, find someone to take this journey with. It is a lot easier to make this trek if you have someone with whom to share the journey. You can both make sure you are staying on target and heading toward your goals.
If you can, make the effort to come to the place on earth where My presence can most be felt. Spend some time in My city Jerusalem and imbibe the wisdom that oozes from the ancient walls there.
Rosh Hashanah is coming up. It’s the birthday of mankind when I revise the plan of human history and write the next act for the year to come. Think about what major role you want to take. I am willing to let you play any role that you are committed to play. So think big and create a passionate vision of who you want to be this coming year. And on Rosh Hashanah, instead of counting the number of pages left in the machzor, talk to Me and tell Me what role you want to play.
The Book of Life will be open on that day and I am putting the pen in your hands. Choose life.
Love,
Your Father in Heaven who believes in you and loves you unconditionally.
I don't know who wrote this, but if anyone does know, please tell me so I can give them the proper credit!
Showing posts with label Letter. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Letter. Show all posts
Thursday, October 6, 2016
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
Tefillah-Our Essence
A friend of mine emailed the following thought that was passed on to her. Someone heard at a shuir from Rav Tzvi
Meyer Zilberstein’s sister.
כי האדם עץ השדה, man-אדם is compared to a tree. The three letters which make up the word adam are aleph, daled and mem. If we take the inner hidden letters of the word אדם , not the actual letters of אדם but the remaining hidden letters of those three letters
אלף – the lamed and peh from the word aleph
דלת – the lamed and the taf from the word daled
מם – the second mem from the word mem
we are left with the word – מתפלל.
Tefilla is the pnimiyus of Adam, it is our sap and Tefilla has to come from our p'nim and be an avodah shebalev. The more Tefilla is drawn from the depth of our heart, the more powerful it is.
Deep inside the neshama of אדם- he longs to come close to Hashem, and the way to do that is through Tefilla.
What a beautiful thought.
R' Shimshon Pincus expounds on this throughout his sefer, She'arim B'Tefillah (which has been translated into English, Gates of Prayer).
Hashem implanted within the nature of the world that when someone is suffering, they call out for help so they will be protected them from harm. If someone screams out for help when they are in trouble, it will arouse the mercy of those close to them and they will rush to their aid.
If you take this on a bit of a deeper level, you can understand something more profound. Any time someone screams, it is really a call-out of tefillah. When someone lacks something, when they are in pain, they call out for help. And their call is really directed to the only One who can help them.
Even when someone is alone and there is no one around to help, if they feel they are in danger, they will let out a yell. Imagine someone climbing a ladder and it starts to wobble. There is no one around, no one to call out to. But, they will still let out a piercing scream. To Whom is this scream directed? It is a scream that's very source is that of connection, of yearning, of wishing and hoping they will stay safe-even if there is no one at the foot of the ladder to keep it steady. They are calling out to the only One who has the power to keep them safe.
The essence of each person, the inner core, is one of connection.
Hashem created each of us with many things that are lacking. Although we are very blessed and we have been given so much good, we are lacking in different ways and we feel it daily. Parking spots (especially in this weather!), the need to arrive somewhere on time, safe driving, success at school or work, health for minor and major illnesses, success in our day-to-day lives, we always need something from Hashem.
Does a day ever go by where you felt that every single thing went right and you didn't need anything from Hashem?
There's a reason why Hashem made it this way. There is a purpose.
Since a person knows that Hashem is the only One who can help him, He will naturally direct his call to the Source, the One who has the Power to help him, to save him, to get him out of any predicament.
Sometimes we need more energy, sometimes we need more strength, sometimes we need things to just go right. We all need some sort of salvation. And Hashem is the One who can bring it about.
When things are hard, when things are going wrong, dig into your soul, into your essence. You were created with an ability and a desire to connect. It is in you. It is part of your makeup. Hashem made you this way so that you will be able to achieve d'veikus, a true, close bond with Him. A connection that can become so strong, if you only tap into your inner self and utilize your moments of need to talk to the One who can help.
May you be able to use the times of need to connect to Hashem and may you be able to get closer to Him on even deeper levels than you've already reached. May you be able to use the good times as an opportunity to open your heart and talk to Hashem, by thanking Him for the blessings you have and may you not need the tough times to get you to draw closer to Him.
כי האדם עץ השדה, man-אדם is compared to a tree. The three letters which make up the word adam are aleph, daled and mem. If we take the inner hidden letters of the word אדם , not the actual letters of אדם but the remaining hidden letters of those three letters
אלף – the lamed and peh from the word aleph
דלת – the lamed and the taf from the word daled
מם – the second mem from the word mem
we are left with the word – מתפלל.
Tefilla is the pnimiyus of Adam, it is our sap and Tefilla has to come from our p'nim and be an avodah shebalev. The more Tefilla is drawn from the depth of our heart, the more powerful it is.
Deep inside the neshama of אדם- he longs to come close to Hashem, and the way to do that is through Tefilla.
What a beautiful thought.
R' Shimshon Pincus expounds on this throughout his sefer, She'arim B'Tefillah (which has been translated into English, Gates of Prayer).
Hashem implanted within the nature of the world that when someone is suffering, they call out for help so they will be protected them from harm. If someone screams out for help when they are in trouble, it will arouse the mercy of those close to them and they will rush to their aid.
If you take this on a bit of a deeper level, you can understand something more profound. Any time someone screams, it is really a call-out of tefillah. When someone lacks something, when they are in pain, they call out for help. And their call is really directed to the only One who can help them.
Even when someone is alone and there is no one around to help, if they feel they are in danger, they will let out a yell. Imagine someone climbing a ladder and it starts to wobble. There is no one around, no one to call out to. But, they will still let out a piercing scream. To Whom is this scream directed? It is a scream that's very source is that of connection, of yearning, of wishing and hoping they will stay safe-even if there is no one at the foot of the ladder to keep it steady. They are calling out to the only One who has the power to keep them safe.
The essence of each person, the inner core, is one of connection.
Hashem created each of us with many things that are lacking. Although we are very blessed and we have been given so much good, we are lacking in different ways and we feel it daily. Parking spots (especially in this weather!), the need to arrive somewhere on time, safe driving, success at school or work, health for minor and major illnesses, success in our day-to-day lives, we always need something from Hashem.
Does a day ever go by where you felt that every single thing went right and you didn't need anything from Hashem?
There's a reason why Hashem made it this way. There is a purpose.
Since a person knows that Hashem is the only One who can help him, He will naturally direct his call to the Source, the One who has the Power to help him, to save him, to get him out of any predicament.
Sometimes we need more energy, sometimes we need more strength, sometimes we need things to just go right. We all need some sort of salvation. And Hashem is the One who can bring it about.
When things are hard, when things are going wrong, dig into your soul, into your essence. You were created with an ability and a desire to connect. It is in you. It is part of your makeup. Hashem made you this way so that you will be able to achieve d'veikus, a true, close bond with Him. A connection that can become so strong, if you only tap into your inner self and utilize your moments of need to talk to the One who can help.
May you be able to use the times of need to connect to Hashem and may you be able to get closer to Him on even deeper levels than you've already reached. May you be able to use the good times as an opportunity to open your heart and talk to Hashem, by thanking Him for the blessings you have and may you not need the tough times to get you to draw closer to Him.
Labels:
Connection,
Daven,
Letter,
Tefillah
Monday, February 13, 2012
Rejection Letters
Someone asked me to write a post about seminary rejection letters since they're going to be coming in the mail this week.
Of course it would be nice if we could all think positively and not even have to contemplate that fateful letter but let's face it-some girls may get it in the mail. And it's not only rejection from seminary you'll have to learn to deal with but throughout life, you will be confronted with rejection in different forms be it rejection from a potential job or a guy you were dating. And it's not easy.
I wrote a post a while back called Rejection-Strengthen Your Emunah.
Everything that happens to a person has a purpose. There is a reason for every single thing you go through, whether it's good or bad, whether it seems like a blessing or a curse.
When you get your letter in the mail, if you are rejected, (and I hope you are not!) the first thing to do is to let yourself feel. Let's be realistic-it hurts to be told no. Whether it's no to a high school, seminary, job or potential spouse, any no is painful. Before getting to the ideal, it's important to be real with yourself. Do whatever you need to do to get those emotions out. Go to your room and cry, listen to music, take out a notebook and write or call someone to vent. Do whatever works for you. Let it out and give yourself permission to feel so that you can heal.
Then, when you feel ready, you can focus on the ideal-the fact that there is a good reason for this even if you may not see it or understand it right now. It's something you may know in your head but it takes time until it gets to your heart and you really feel it.
This is something that may need some drilling but you should remind yourself that there IS a reason for this rejection. You may get to see it a few years down the line and you may never know why it happened. But there is a certain comfort in knowing that there is a plan and Hashem is doing this for your best.
Remember-be realistic. Let yourself feel. Don't expect yourself to think that "Oh, Hashem is doing this for my good" too soon. It's hard to get that no and it's hard to face it. It hurts because it makes you feel like you are not good enough. Don't let this no knock you down! You are still a good person. Just because one seminary didn't accept you into their school does not make you a bad person. You still have value and you still have plenty to offer to another place. Hold your head up high and hopefully something better will be waiting for you-wherever you end up going next year!
Of course it would be nice if we could all think positively and not even have to contemplate that fateful letter but let's face it-some girls may get it in the mail. And it's not only rejection from seminary you'll have to learn to deal with but throughout life, you will be confronted with rejection in different forms be it rejection from a potential job or a guy you were dating. And it's not easy.
I wrote a post a while back called Rejection-Strengthen Your Emunah.
Everything that happens to a person has a purpose. There is a reason for every single thing you go through, whether it's good or bad, whether it seems like a blessing or a curse.
When you get your letter in the mail, if you are rejected, (and I hope you are not!) the first thing to do is to let yourself feel. Let's be realistic-it hurts to be told no. Whether it's no to a high school, seminary, job or potential spouse, any no is painful. Before getting to the ideal, it's important to be real with yourself. Do whatever you need to do to get those emotions out. Go to your room and cry, listen to music, take out a notebook and write or call someone to vent. Do whatever works for you. Let it out and give yourself permission to feel so that you can heal.
Then, when you feel ready, you can focus on the ideal-the fact that there is a good reason for this even if you may not see it or understand it right now. It's something you may know in your head but it takes time until it gets to your heart and you really feel it.
There was a girl who was rejected from the seminary of her choice and was SO upset about it. She ended up going to a different seminary and became really close to one of the girls there...and ended up marrying her brother.
There was someone who did not get into the seminary she wanted to and stayed in America for the year instead of spending it in Eretz Yisroel. At the time, she was miserable about her decision but did not have a choice. During her year in seminary, she became very close to someone who helped her get a job as a teacher in a kiruv school for the following year. This was the beginning of some amazing experiences for her that completely changed who she was as a person and strengthened her appreciation for yiddishkeit.
This is something that may need some drilling but you should remind yourself that there IS a reason for this rejection. You may get to see it a few years down the line and you may never know why it happened. But there is a certain comfort in knowing that there is a plan and Hashem is doing this for your best.
Remember-be realistic. Let yourself feel. Don't expect yourself to think that "Oh, Hashem is doing this for my good" too soon. It's hard to get that no and it's hard to face it. It hurts because it makes you feel like you are not good enough. Don't let this no knock you down! You are still a good person. Just because one seminary didn't accept you into their school does not make you a bad person. You still have value and you still have plenty to offer to another place. Hold your head up high and hopefully something better will be waiting for you-wherever you end up going next year!
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Journey
Thank you R.P. for emailing this to me.
To My Dearest Child,
To My Dearest Child,
We have to part for now, for you are about to embark on a most special journey. I’m sending you on this trip so that you can strengthen yourself, and reaffirm your devotion to me. Here is the starting point and there is the end where I’ll be waiting to reunite with you. You’ll be given a suitcase with everything you will need for the trip. Make sure to take stock of your tools and utilize them to help make your trip most effective.
The road you take will swerve with frequent ups and downs and plenty of obstacles that will stand in your way. As soon as you overcome an obstacle you will find yourself closer to me than ever before.
Don’t forget to study the map I gave you for it is the most valuable possession on this trip. I will guide you with each turn you take, and will indicate when you should stop and ask for directions. The billboards along the way will try to entice you to veer from the path. Don’t be deceived! Keep your eyes focused on the map & follow it religiously. Share it with others who might be lost or searching.
There will be small pleasures along the road to enhance your trip. Stop to eat, to rest, & enjoy. But beware. These pleasures are just means to help you efficiently reach your goal. Don’t get caught up in their web, because you’ll have a hard time getting back on track. Be careful not to fill up your bags with things you don’t need because any garbage you collect will tie you down and make it harder for you to reach me.
You will make friends along the way. Cherish them, give to them, and hold their hands as you travel towards me. There will be times that you might feel lonely, but don’t be frightened. I’m watching you closely, & I’m eagerly waiting for you at the end. I am available at all times should you feel the need to speak with me. I can hear your every word, even the slightest whisper.
There will be many things you see & experience along the way that you will not understand. Just remember that you only see what’s right before your eyes. I have the view from above, where I see it all. I personally have tailored the journey just for you, with every detail designed to ensure a successful trip.
Your days on this trip are short in numbers but great in potential. Use each one to it’s fullest, traveling towards me at all times.
And remember-this is no ordinary journey, this is the journey of your lifetime.
The road you take will swerve with frequent ups and downs and plenty of obstacles that will stand in your way. As soon as you overcome an obstacle you will find yourself closer to me than ever before.
Don’t forget to study the map I gave you for it is the most valuable possession on this trip. I will guide you with each turn you take, and will indicate when you should stop and ask for directions. The billboards along the way will try to entice you to veer from the path. Don’t be deceived! Keep your eyes focused on the map & follow it religiously. Share it with others who might be lost or searching.
There will be small pleasures along the road to enhance your trip. Stop to eat, to rest, & enjoy. But beware. These pleasures are just means to help you efficiently reach your goal. Don’t get caught up in their web, because you’ll have a hard time getting back on track. Be careful not to fill up your bags with things you don’t need because any garbage you collect will tie you down and make it harder for you to reach me.
You will make friends along the way. Cherish them, give to them, and hold their hands as you travel towards me. There will be times that you might feel lonely, but don’t be frightened. I’m watching you closely, & I’m eagerly waiting for you at the end. I am available at all times should you feel the need to speak with me. I can hear your every word, even the slightest whisper.
There will be many things you see & experience along the way that you will not understand. Just remember that you only see what’s right before your eyes. I have the view from above, where I see it all. I personally have tailored the journey just for you, with every detail designed to ensure a successful trip.
Your days on this trip are short in numbers but great in potential. Use each one to it’s fullest, traveling towards me at all times.
And remember-this is no ordinary journey, this is the journey of your lifetime.
From,
Your Loving Father
Sunday, September 25, 2011
You Can Fight Back!
To my star pupil,
I am writing this letter to let you know what I think of you. Up here in heaven things are not like they are down on Earth. Over there, people only know what they can see. If they see a person is "successful", they think that he is the greatest guy. When they see somebody struggling, they think he might be one of the weaker elements.
Let me tell you something. Hashem gives every person certain abilities that nobody knows about down where you live. Some people are capable of tremendous things, while others were put there for much smaller purposes. Only Hashem in His infinite wisdom is able to give every person exactly what he needs, to reach his potential.
I am very misunderstood. Most people hate me, and I don't really blame them. Most people think that my job is to make sure that they fail in all aspects of Mitzvos, and that I rejoice every time they sin. This is the furthest thing from the truth. Did you ever watch a boxing coach train his student? It is really a funny sight. The coach will put on gloves, and fight against his student. At first, he won't hit him so hard, or throw his best punches. But, as the student gets better and better, the coach will start to fight him harder and harder. He does this so that the student will improve his skills, and become the best boxer he can be. This is where it gets strange. Every time the coach knocks down the student, the student gets yelled at!! But finally, when the coach threw everything he has at his student, and not only does he withstand the beating, but he knocks the coach down, there is nobody in the world happier then the coach himself!
This is exactly how I feel. If you fail right away, and don't even try to fight back, I see that there is not much talent to work with, and so I take it easy on you. But if you get back up swinging, I realize that I may have a real winner here, and so I start to intensify the beating. With every level that you go up, I increase the intensity of the fight. If you finally deal me a blow that knocks me out, I will get up and embrace you and rejoice with your success.
Sometimes my job is very disappointing I see a person with a lot of potential and I start right in on him. He fights back for a while, but when the fight gets too tough, he quits and just remains on whatever level he was on. (And he usually ends up going down!) I feel like yelling at him, "Get up you fool! Do you have any idea how much more you could be accomplishing?!" But I am not allowed to do so. I just leave him alone, and go try to find another promising candidate.
If I have chosen you to be the target of my more fierce battles, it was not for no reason! You have tremendous ability! You were born into a very special family, you have Rabbeim who really care about you, and parents who would help you grow in Torah and Mitzvos. You are a very respectful and kind person.
I am writing to you now, because I have a very serious request to ask of you. Please don't step fighting! Don't give up! I have been beating too many people lately, and I am losing patience, Believe in yourself, because I would not be involved with you as much as I am if I didn't think you could beat me. Know what your strengths are! A great Rabbi once said: "Woe is to he who doesn't know his weaknesses. But, 'Oy Vavoy' to him who doesn't know his strengths - for he will not have anything with which to fight."
Always remember one thing: you have a secret weapon at your disposal. I shouldn't really be telling you - but I will anyway. Hashem himself is watching our "training" sessions very closely. I'm pleased to inform you that He's rooting for you! If things should ever get tough, almost too tough to bear, just call out to Him with a prayer, and He will immediately come to your aid. I wish you the best of luck, and I hope that after 120 years when your time is up in that world of falsehood, you will come up here to the world of truth, where I will be waiting for you with open arms, to congratulate you on your victory, and personally escort you to your place next to the Kisey HaKavod.
Sincerely, and with great admiration I remain,
Your Yetzer Hara
I am writing this letter to let you know what I think of you. Up here in heaven things are not like they are down on Earth. Over there, people only know what they can see. If they see a person is "successful", they think that he is the greatest guy. When they see somebody struggling, they think he might be one of the weaker elements.
Let me tell you something. Hashem gives every person certain abilities that nobody knows about down where you live. Some people are capable of tremendous things, while others were put there for much smaller purposes. Only Hashem in His infinite wisdom is able to give every person exactly what he needs, to reach his potential.
I am very misunderstood. Most people hate me, and I don't really blame them. Most people think that my job is to make sure that they fail in all aspects of Mitzvos, and that I rejoice every time they sin. This is the furthest thing from the truth. Did you ever watch a boxing coach train his student? It is really a funny sight. The coach will put on gloves, and fight against his student. At first, he won't hit him so hard, or throw his best punches. But, as the student gets better and better, the coach will start to fight him harder and harder. He does this so that the student will improve his skills, and become the best boxer he can be. This is where it gets strange. Every time the coach knocks down the student, the student gets yelled at!! But finally, when the coach threw everything he has at his student, and not only does he withstand the beating, but he knocks the coach down, there is nobody in the world happier then the coach himself!
This is exactly how I feel. If you fail right away, and don't even try to fight back, I see that there is not much talent to work with, and so I take it easy on you. But if you get back up swinging, I realize that I may have a real winner here, and so I start to intensify the beating. With every level that you go up, I increase the intensity of the fight. If you finally deal me a blow that knocks me out, I will get up and embrace you and rejoice with your success.
Sometimes my job is very disappointing I see a person with a lot of potential and I start right in on him. He fights back for a while, but when the fight gets too tough, he quits and just remains on whatever level he was on. (And he usually ends up going down!) I feel like yelling at him, "Get up you fool! Do you have any idea how much more you could be accomplishing?!" But I am not allowed to do so. I just leave him alone, and go try to find another promising candidate.
If I have chosen you to be the target of my more fierce battles, it was not for no reason! You have tremendous ability! You were born into a very special family, you have Rabbeim who really care about you, and parents who would help you grow in Torah and Mitzvos. You are a very respectful and kind person.
I am writing to you now, because I have a very serious request to ask of you. Please don't step fighting! Don't give up! I have been beating too many people lately, and I am losing patience, Believe in yourself, because I would not be involved with you as much as I am if I didn't think you could beat me. Know what your strengths are! A great Rabbi once said: "Woe is to he who doesn't know his weaknesses. But, 'Oy Vavoy' to him who doesn't know his strengths - for he will not have anything with which to fight."
Always remember one thing: you have a secret weapon at your disposal. I shouldn't really be telling you - but I will anyway. Hashem himself is watching our "training" sessions very closely. I'm pleased to inform you that He's rooting for you! If things should ever get tough, almost too tough to bear, just call out to Him with a prayer, and He will immediately come to your aid. I wish you the best of luck, and I hope that after 120 years when your time is up in that world of falsehood, you will come up here to the world of truth, where I will be waiting for you with open arms, to congratulate you on your victory, and personally escort you to your place next to the Kisey HaKavod.
Sincerely, and with great admiration I remain,
Your Yetzer Hara
Thursday, September 15, 2011
The Power of One Letter
We all know that words have incredible power. They can be used to break and to destroy but they can also be used to build and to heal. I want to share a story with you.
This past shabbos, Parshas Ki Seitzei was my brother Shalom a"h's bar mitzvah parsha. I spent shabbos with my family and we talked about him and remembered some stories. My mother repeated something I had never heard before.
(If you are new to this blog and haven't read the story, you may want to start reading it by clicking on this link.)
One of the lifeguards who came to help do CPR (when he heard that Shalom fell down from the tree) makes a siyum every year on the yartzeit and calls in so we could hear it over the phone. He is now married and lives in Eretz Yisroel but he still never forgot Shalom on his yartzeit. He gets a group of bachurim together and they eat cake and say their brachos...every single year.
I'm always curious to know why someone like that-who didn't have any real, personal connection to my brother until the day he passed away would go out of his way to learn something and finish on the yartzeit, make a siyum and call us so we could hear him saying it while taking the time difference into account as well...
Well, this year we found out-from his wife.
After my brother fell from the tree, he was able to stand up and walk around for a few seconds while being supported by a few boys. They were quickly told to put him down because if there was a spinal injury, it is most important to keep the patient still and not move him around to minimize the damage to the spine and prevent paralysis. Shalom lost consciousness a little later and some lifeguards came to do CPR to try to revive him. This lifeguard was one of them and unfortunately, they were not able to do anything for my brother. There was one EMT who did CPR the entire trip to the hospital and kept him alive until he got there. He passed away a short while later.
When this lifeguard got home from camp, his mother told him, "This is your fault! You should have saved the boy! Why didn't you try harder? You didn't do enough!"
Could you imagine the guilt?
Could you imagine his pain?
How could someone say that?
Obviously, this was meant to be! If Hashem wants someone to remain alive, they can fall from the highest tree and survive. Hashem wanted my brother back. His time was up. There was no way in the world anyone who tried anything would have been able to bring him back to life. This was the will of Hashem.
This boy had a very hard time. His mother put the blame on him and he was living with a very strong feeling of guilt in his heart.
---
After we got up from shiva, my mother sat down to write thank you notes to all the people involved - those in camp who helped try to save my brother and a personal note to each of the lifeguards who did CPR on him.
When this boy got a letter in the mail and saw my family name in the return address, he started shaking. He was terrified to open it up. He thought for sure it was a letter putting him down and asking him why he didn't do more to save Shalom.
But he got the letter and so he opened it.
He was shocked when he read it. It was written with such warmth, with words of thanks for trying to do whatever he could to save my brother.
He took that letter and hung it above his bed. He read it every single day. At least once a day.
He became a new person.
Happier.
Guilt-free.
He was able to live normally again. The family didn't blame him so of course it wasn't his fault. This was meant to be.
And that is why every single year on my brother's yartzeit, he makes a siyum and calls us so we could join in and hear it over the phone. Because of one letter that he got in the mail that changed his life around and helped him realize that he did all he can and he was appreciated by our family - just for trying.
This past shabbos, Parshas Ki Seitzei was my brother Shalom a"h's bar mitzvah parsha. I spent shabbos with my family and we talked about him and remembered some stories. My mother repeated something I had never heard before.
(If you are new to this blog and haven't read the story, you may want to start reading it by clicking on this link.)
One of the lifeguards who came to help do CPR (when he heard that Shalom fell down from the tree) makes a siyum every year on the yartzeit and calls in so we could hear it over the phone. He is now married and lives in Eretz Yisroel but he still never forgot Shalom on his yartzeit. He gets a group of bachurim together and they eat cake and say their brachos...every single year.
I'm always curious to know why someone like that-who didn't have any real, personal connection to my brother until the day he passed away would go out of his way to learn something and finish on the yartzeit, make a siyum and call us so we could hear him saying it while taking the time difference into account as well...
Well, this year we found out-from his wife.
After my brother fell from the tree, he was able to stand up and walk around for a few seconds while being supported by a few boys. They were quickly told to put him down because if there was a spinal injury, it is most important to keep the patient still and not move him around to minimize the damage to the spine and prevent paralysis. Shalom lost consciousness a little later and some lifeguards came to do CPR to try to revive him. This lifeguard was one of them and unfortunately, they were not able to do anything for my brother. There was one EMT who did CPR the entire trip to the hospital and kept him alive until he got there. He passed away a short while later.
When this lifeguard got home from camp, his mother told him, "This is your fault! You should have saved the boy! Why didn't you try harder? You didn't do enough!"
Could you imagine the guilt?
Could you imagine his pain?
How could someone say that?
Obviously, this was meant to be! If Hashem wants someone to remain alive, they can fall from the highest tree and survive. Hashem wanted my brother back. His time was up. There was no way in the world anyone who tried anything would have been able to bring him back to life. This was the will of Hashem.
This boy had a very hard time. His mother put the blame on him and he was living with a very strong feeling of guilt in his heart.
---
After we got up from shiva, my mother sat down to write thank you notes to all the people involved - those in camp who helped try to save my brother and a personal note to each of the lifeguards who did CPR on him.
When this boy got a letter in the mail and saw my family name in the return address, he started shaking. He was terrified to open it up. He thought for sure it was a letter putting him down and asking him why he didn't do more to save Shalom.
But he got the letter and so he opened it.
He was shocked when he read it. It was written with such warmth, with words of thanks for trying to do whatever he could to save my brother.
He took that letter and hung it above his bed. He read it every single day. At least once a day.
He became a new person.
Happier.
Guilt-free.
He was able to live normally again. The family didn't blame him so of course it wasn't his fault. This was meant to be.
And that is why every single year on my brother's yartzeit, he makes a siyum and calls us so we could join in and hear it over the phone. Because of one letter that he got in the mail that changed his life around and helped him realize that he did all he can and he was appreciated by our family - just for trying.
Labels:
Appreciation,
Letter,
Shalom a"h,
Story,
Word
Sunday, February 20, 2011
A Letter - Tefillah
Someone emailed this to me - she wrote this for a tefillah class and I'm posting it here with her permission.
On his deathbed, a father wrote this letter to his son.
Dear child,
I know you are suffering and in pain. I know you miss me and things are hard. I am enclosing a name and number of someone who can help you with all your problems.
I have someone who will help you learn. He has all the tools to help you get 100 on every test. He is never to busy and you can call him at all hours.
This someone has all the money in the world; so don’t feel bad to ask.
This someone has the power to grant your every request big or small.
Just call out to this “Someone”.
I’m going to give you this someone’s address and phone number so you can reach him.
Actually, you can dial any number to reach him and his line is never busy. His address is everywhere; you don’t have to search. He’s with you at all times throughout your day, and is watching you even as you are reading this letter.
Just know He is your father and call out to him. As I’ve said, His line is never busy. They call this someone Hashem, He created the whole world and surely He can help you.
Cry.
Beg.
Plead.
Make a connection. The more you talk to Him the more He’ll help you.
I love you.
Abba
On his deathbed, a father wrote this letter to his son.
Dear child,
I know you are suffering and in pain. I know you miss me and things are hard. I am enclosing a name and number of someone who can help you with all your problems.
I have someone who will help you learn. He has all the tools to help you get 100 on every test. He is never to busy and you can call him at all hours.
This someone has all the money in the world; so don’t feel bad to ask.
This someone has the power to grant your every request big or small.
Just call out to this “Someone”.
I’m going to give you this someone’s address and phone number so you can reach him.
Actually, you can dial any number to reach him and his line is never busy. His address is everywhere; you don’t have to search. He’s with you at all times throughout your day, and is watching you even as you are reading this letter.
Just know He is your father and call out to him. As I’ve said, His line is never busy. They call this someone Hashem, He created the whole world and surely He can help you.
Cry.
Beg.
Plead.
Make a connection. The more you talk to Him the more He’ll help you.
I love you.
Abba
Sunday, September 12, 2010
You Can Fight Back!!
To my star pupil,
I am writing this letter to let you know what I think of you. Up here in heaven things are not like they are down on Earth. Over there, people only know what they can see. If they see a person is "successful", they think that he is the greatest guy. When they see somebody struggling, they think he might be one of the weaker elements.
Let me tell you something. Hashem gives every person certain abilities that nobody knows about down where you live. Some people are capable of tremendous things, while others were put there for much smaller purposes. Only Hashem in His infinite wisdom is able to give every person exactly what he needs, to reach his potential.
I am very misunderstood. Most people hate me, and I don't really blame them. Most people think that my job is to make sure that they fail in all aspects of Mitzvos, and that I rejoice every time they sin. This is the furthest thing from the truth. Did you ever watch a boxing coach train his student? It is really a funny sight. The coach will put on gloves, and fight against his student. At first, he won't hit him so hard, or throw his best punches. But, as the student gets better and better, the coach will start to fight him harder and harder. He does this so that the student will improve his skills, and become the best boxer he can be. This is where it gets strange. Every time the coach knocks down the student, the student gets yelled at!! But finally, when the coach threw everything he has at his student, and not only does he withstand the beating, but he knocks the coach down, there is nobody in the world happier then the coach himself!
This is exactly how I feel. If you fail right away, and don't even try to fight back, I see that there is not much talent to work with, and so I take it easy on you. But if you get back up swinging, I realize that I may have a real winner here, and so I start to intensify the beating. With every level that you go up, I increase the intensity of the fight. If you finally deal me a blow that knocks me out, I will get up and embrace you and rejoice with your success.
Sometimes my job is very disappointing I see a person with a lot of potential and I start right in on him. He fights back for a while, but when the fight gets too tough, he quits and just remains on whatever level he was on. (And he usually ends up going down!) I feel like yelling at him, "Get up you fool! Do you have any idea how much more you could be accomplishing?!" But I am not allowed to do so. I just leave him alone, and go try to find another promising candidate.
If I have chosen you to be the target of my more fierce battles, it was not for no reason! You have tremendous ability! You were born into a very special family, you have Rabbeim who really care about you, and parents who would help you grow in Torah and Mitzvos. You are a very respectful and kind person.
I am writing to you now, because I have a very serious request to ask of you. Please don't step fighting! Don't give up! I have been beating too many people lately, and I am losing patience, Believe in yourself, because I would not be involved with you as much as I am if I didn't think you could beat me. Know what your strengths are! A great Rabbi once said: "Woe is to he who doesn't know his weaknesses. But, 'Oy Vavoy' to him who doesn't know his strengths - for he will not have anything with which to fight."
Always remember one thing: you have a secret weapon at your disposal. I shouldn't really be telling you - but I will anyway. Hashem himself is watching our "training" sessions very closely. I'm pleased to inform you that He's rooting for you! If things should ever get tough, almost too tough to bear, just callout to Him with a prayer, and He will immediately come to your aid. I wish you the best of luck, and I hope that after 120 years when your time is up in that world of falsehood, you will come up here to the world of truth, where I will be waiting for you with open arms, to congratulate you on your victory, and personally escort you to your place next to the Kisey HaKavod.
Sincerely, and with great admiration I remain,
Your Yetzer Hara
I am writing this letter to let you know what I think of you. Up here in heaven things are not like they are down on Earth. Over there, people only know what they can see. If they see a person is "successful", they think that he is the greatest guy. When they see somebody struggling, they think he might be one of the weaker elements.
Let me tell you something. Hashem gives every person certain abilities that nobody knows about down where you live. Some people are capable of tremendous things, while others were put there for much smaller purposes. Only Hashem in His infinite wisdom is able to give every person exactly what he needs, to reach his potential.
I am very misunderstood. Most people hate me, and I don't really blame them. Most people think that my job is to make sure that they fail in all aspects of Mitzvos, and that I rejoice every time they sin. This is the furthest thing from the truth. Did you ever watch a boxing coach train his student? It is really a funny sight. The coach will put on gloves, and fight against his student. At first, he won't hit him so hard, or throw his best punches. But, as the student gets better and better, the coach will start to fight him harder and harder. He does this so that the student will improve his skills, and become the best boxer he can be. This is where it gets strange. Every time the coach knocks down the student, the student gets yelled at!! But finally, when the coach threw everything he has at his student, and not only does he withstand the beating, but he knocks the coach down, there is nobody in the world happier then the coach himself!
This is exactly how I feel. If you fail right away, and don't even try to fight back, I see that there is not much talent to work with, and so I take it easy on you. But if you get back up swinging, I realize that I may have a real winner here, and so I start to intensify the beating. With every level that you go up, I increase the intensity of the fight. If you finally deal me a blow that knocks me out, I will get up and embrace you and rejoice with your success.
Sometimes my job is very disappointing I see a person with a lot of potential and I start right in on him. He fights back for a while, but when the fight gets too tough, he quits and just remains on whatever level he was on. (And he usually ends up going down!) I feel like yelling at him, "Get up you fool! Do you have any idea how much more you could be accomplishing?!" But I am not allowed to do so. I just leave him alone, and go try to find another promising candidate.
If I have chosen you to be the target of my more fierce battles, it was not for no reason! You have tremendous ability! You were born into a very special family, you have Rabbeim who really care about you, and parents who would help you grow in Torah and Mitzvos. You are a very respectful and kind person.
I am writing to you now, because I have a very serious request to ask of you. Please don't step fighting! Don't give up! I have been beating too many people lately, and I am losing patience, Believe in yourself, because I would not be involved with you as much as I am if I didn't think you could beat me. Know what your strengths are! A great Rabbi once said: "Woe is to he who doesn't know his weaknesses. But, 'Oy Vavoy' to him who doesn't know his strengths - for he will not have anything with which to fight."
Always remember one thing: you have a secret weapon at your disposal. I shouldn't really be telling you - but I will anyway. Hashem himself is watching our "training" sessions very closely. I'm pleased to inform you that He's rooting for you! If things should ever get tough, almost too tough to bear, just callout to Him with a prayer, and He will immediately come to your aid. I wish you the best of luck, and I hope that after 120 years when your time is up in that world of falsehood, you will come up here to the world of truth, where I will be waiting for you with open arms, to congratulate you on your victory, and personally escort you to your place next to the Kisey HaKavod.
Sincerely, and with great admiration I remain,
Your Yetzer Hara
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Thoughts After the Fifth Yartzheit
Last year, after posting many stories and thoughts about Shalom a"h and sending around emails about him, I got a letter from someone that really touched my heart. You can read that letter over here.
I was so amazed at how this girl took the message to heart and took something concrete upon herself after she heard all the special things about my brother. That to me is the most comforting - when I see that other people do mitzvos and change themselves because they were inspired by the things Shalom a"h did. You see that the little things that people do, those are really big. That's what made him special. That he went out of his way to do small acts of chessed.
When I was in high school and had to stay late for some extra curricular activities and I was hungry, Shalom biked right over with some delicious supper for me. As soon as I called my house, he stopped whatever he was doing, got the food for and brought it over as if it was no big deal. He was always ready and available to help everyone with whatever they needed.
One thing I wanted to share with you is that the boy who was up in the tree with Shalom (and was having a conversation with him right before he fell down) just got married - on the night of the yartzheit. So although his chuppah was before sunset (so it counts as the day before), he was dancing and celebrating his wedding on the yartzheit itself - and I'm sure Shalom a"h was dancing on high and smiling along with all the people at the simcha. The boy's mother called my mother to invite her to the first sheva brachos which would take place on Shalom's 5th yartzheit - and the chosson would be making a siyum l'ilui nishmas my brother! Is that not amazing?!
Yesterday was also my nephew's first birthday. He was born on the yartzheit and was named Shalom Baruch after Shalom a"h. It was such a nechama for our family that a baby boy was born on this special day. I wrote about it last year right here, how I truly felt that Hashem was giving us a hug and comforting us all along. Since Shalom was niftar before he had a chance to get married and have children, having relatives named after is a way of continuing on his name, his legacy.
The message I try to take from this day is that a person never knows how much longer they have to live. And once a person is niftar, that's it! There are no more chances to do more mitzvos or improve one's character! We must take advantage of the time we have while we are here to do things that make us better people, to improve the lives of others and come closer to Hashem.
Shalom a"h focused on the little things. He found ways to do small acts of kindness for other people, quietly, without getting attention for the things he did. He didn't want anyone to know how special he was. He just wanted to be the best person he can be - which he was. Now, it's up to us to learn from all the things he did and try to follow in his footsteps.
Yesterday, I lit a candle and davened and cried. The reason why we light a candle on someone's yartzheit is because the neshama of a person is compared to a candle. It says "ner elokim nishmas adam." There is a burning desire inside each and every one of us to do the right thing and aim high. Whichever way you turn a candle, the flame will always go upwards. Try it! Turn a candle upside down and watch how the flame still burns upwards. This is to show that a person's neshama always wants to reach up and come closer to Hashem and no matter which way you turn, what situation a person is in, there is always that flame, that desire to be a good person and reach for the stars!
Also, when you light one candle from an existing flame, you do not diminish the light that the original flame had. This is how it is with spirituality, with neshamos and with learning from other people. You can give and give and it wont take away from the original light. When we learn from my brother and try to be like him, he will shine so brightly and we too will illuminate our own lives.
May we all be zoche to follow in Shalom a"h's ways and take advantage of the time we have here to come closer to Hashem each and every day!
I was so amazed at how this girl took the message to heart and took something concrete upon herself after she heard all the special things about my brother. That to me is the most comforting - when I see that other people do mitzvos and change themselves because they were inspired by the things Shalom a"h did. You see that the little things that people do, those are really big. That's what made him special. That he went out of his way to do small acts of chessed.
When I was in high school and had to stay late for some extra curricular activities and I was hungry, Shalom biked right over with some delicious supper for me. As soon as I called my house, he stopped whatever he was doing, got the food for and brought it over as if it was no big deal. He was always ready and available to help everyone with whatever they needed.
One thing I wanted to share with you is that the boy who was up in the tree with Shalom (and was having a conversation with him right before he fell down) just got married - on the night of the yartzheit. So although his chuppah was before sunset (so it counts as the day before), he was dancing and celebrating his wedding on the yartzheit itself - and I'm sure Shalom a"h was dancing on high and smiling along with all the people at the simcha. The boy's mother called my mother to invite her to the first sheva brachos which would take place on Shalom's 5th yartzheit - and the chosson would be making a siyum l'ilui nishmas my brother! Is that not amazing?!
Yesterday was also my nephew's first birthday. He was born on the yartzheit and was named Shalom Baruch after Shalom a"h. It was such a nechama for our family that a baby boy was born on this special day. I wrote about it last year right here, how I truly felt that Hashem was giving us a hug and comforting us all along. Since Shalom was niftar before he had a chance to get married and have children, having relatives named after is a way of continuing on his name, his legacy.
The message I try to take from this day is that a person never knows how much longer they have to live. And once a person is niftar, that's it! There are no more chances to do more mitzvos or improve one's character! We must take advantage of the time we have while we are here to do things that make us better people, to improve the lives of others and come closer to Hashem.
Shalom a"h focused on the little things. He found ways to do small acts of kindness for other people, quietly, without getting attention for the things he did. He didn't want anyone to know how special he was. He just wanted to be the best person he can be - which he was. Now, it's up to us to learn from all the things he did and try to follow in his footsteps.
Yesterday, I lit a candle and davened and cried. The reason why we light a candle on someone's yartzheit is because the neshama of a person is compared to a candle. It says "ner elokim nishmas adam." There is a burning desire inside each and every one of us to do the right thing and aim high. Whichever way you turn a candle, the flame will always go upwards. Try it! Turn a candle upside down and watch how the flame still burns upwards. This is to show that a person's neshama always wants to reach up and come closer to Hashem and no matter which way you turn, what situation a person is in, there is always that flame, that desire to be a good person and reach for the stars!
Also, when you light one candle from an existing flame, you do not diminish the light that the original flame had. This is how it is with spirituality, with neshamos and with learning from other people. You can give and give and it wont take away from the original light. When we learn from my brother and try to be like him, he will shine so brightly and we too will illuminate our own lives.
May we all be zoche to follow in Shalom a"h's ways and take advantage of the time we have here to come closer to Hashem each and every day!
Thursday, August 13, 2009
A Letter - L'ilui Nishmas Shalom a"h
This is a letter I received after my brother's yartziet.
I was so touched that someone took the message so close to their heart and I think this letter is a lesson for all.
Dear Devoiry,
About 3-4 years ago shortly after your brother Shalom ben Chaim Nosson was niftar,your sister, Chaya Sara, came to speak to to us about him and the many things that we can learn. One story that really struck a cord in my heart was when she told us about the countless times he did chessed and favours quietly. Like the time on shabbos nachamu when someone discovered him cleaning up the dining room. ever since that shmooze which really inspired me, i've been trying to go out of my way to help people. I just finished two years of seminary where i found countless of oppertunities to do chessed. there were so many times when i found the dining room an absolute wreck at a very early hour in the morning, and i just wanted to go to bed, but i found myself saying 15-20 minutes of chessed, i could do it like your brother. there were so many incidents like a messy class-room, food left out, making s/0's bed for them, visiting s/o, and i kept saying to myself if Shalom was able to do it so can I.
I continue to travel along this road 3-4 yrs later. and i'd like to say thank you. as i starting giving the more i gave the better person i became, the more i wanted to give, the more i wanted to help, to be there for people. I learnt so much and i would never be who i am today without that special polishing that was inspired by your brother a"h. poeple often ask me what inspired you to be like this, to help others, to give so freely, and i would like to tell you that a large portion of it lies in the messages i heard from Chaya Sara that day about the chessed that your brother Shalom did. very often i found myself repeating the stories i heard to other people, when they ask me those question, and the response has always been the same, lets try to emulate!
I know that when a person is called up to shamyim, it's never easy for thier family left down here.But i'd like to let you know that your brother left a legacy, somthing for all of us to follow,and for that i'd like to say Thank You. I hope this email provides some nechama to you and your family.
im yirtzah hashem we should only hear simchos,
and be zocheh to a proper nechama very very soon!
I was so touched that someone took the message so close to their heart and I think this letter is a lesson for all.
Dear Devoiry,
About 3-4 years ago shortly after your brother Shalom ben Chaim Nosson was niftar,your sister, Chaya Sara, came to speak to to us about him and the many things that we can learn. One story that really struck a cord in my heart was when she told us about the countless times he did chessed and favours quietly. Like the time on shabbos nachamu when someone discovered him cleaning up the dining room. ever since that shmooze which really inspired me, i've been trying to go out of my way to help people. I just finished two years of seminary where i found countless of oppertunities to do chessed. there were so many times when i found the dining room an absolute wreck at a very early hour in the morning, and i just wanted to go to bed, but i found myself saying 15-20 minutes of chessed, i could do it like your brother. there were so many incidents like a messy class-room, food left out, making s/0's bed for them, visiting s/o, and i kept saying to myself if Shalom was able to do it so can I.
I continue to travel along this road 3-4 yrs later. and i'd like to say thank you. as i starting giving the more i gave the better person i became, the more i wanted to give, the more i wanted to help, to be there for people. I learnt so much and i would never be who i am today without that special polishing that was inspired by your brother a"h. poeple often ask me what inspired you to be like this, to help others, to give so freely, and i would like to tell you that a large portion of it lies in the messages i heard from Chaya Sara that day about the chessed that your brother Shalom did. very often i found myself repeating the stories i heard to other people, when they ask me those question, and the response has always been the same, lets try to emulate!
I know that when a person is called up to shamyim, it's never easy for thier family left down here.But i'd like to let you know that your brother left a legacy, somthing for all of us to follow,and for that i'd like to say Thank You. I hope this email provides some nechama to you and your family.
im yirtzah hashem we should only hear simchos,
and be zocheh to a proper nechama very very soon!
Labels:
Chessed,
Letter,
Shalom a"h
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
A Powerful Letter
My Dear Sisters,
I am writing to you in my last moments, with the last threads of my strength. I am writing to you with blood and tears, from the bottom of my broken and tormented heart.
Yes, I, Revital Avraham, 19 years old, am standing on the threshold of death, so young, but already feeling all the gates of life shutting slowly before me. I am like a beautiful flower closing its petals.
Like all o f you, I had my dreams about love, husband, children and social position. But Hashem has decided otherwise, and I know today that if I had lived differently, nothing would have happened.
I was born in a religious family from the center of Israel. From the day I can remember, I knew I was a beautiful child. From kindergarten, I attracted everybody's attention, and I knew I had been blessed with a rare beauty, and I am not exaggerating. Even though people were talking my exceptional beauty, my dear and wise parents tried to minimize the effect of such a gift on me, and made all possible efforts to put the whole family on daily routine.
But I was a bright child, and I cherished more and more my beauty.My friends encouragements made me understand that beauty can buy anything in this world - friendship, position and honor. I learned to exploit it for my goals, I wore clothes which draw attention, my very long hair caused astonishment and envy, and every detail in my appearance was thoroughly taken care of.
I enjoyed the long looks of people everywhere I went - to my deep regret. My teachers in high school tried to change my mind, but it was already too late - I was attracted to a magic circle called "to please and be outstanding".
I can remember one of my teachers' words: "Revital, you have received a rare present, a special beauty - This is your trial in life, keep it carefully for the right person to come in your life". I was pretending to be convinced, but these words were just passing by my ears.
I was addicted to my looks and did everything to bring people to admiration. I know today that I have caused hundreds or even thousands of people to fail because of my clothing. I was really enjoying it!
And then I received a first warning sign. One evening, while preparing an omelet in the kitchen, and made a brisk turn and my beautiful long hair got caught in the fire and became in seconds a red and fearful flame. I was saved, but my hair had gone. I remember my hysterical crying in the hospital, and my father trying to console me: "Revital, Hashem has made a miracle. You could have been entirely burnt! You have now an opportunity to change and leave your foolish attitude behind you".
But I didn't listen. I was 16 years old then, and within two years my hair grew back to what it was, and everything was forgotten.
I was the queen of my class. My friends loved me, anything I wanted was granted, and I never was alone. I grew more and more beautiful with the years, and at 16, I began to put on make-up and tight clothes. At this stage, I even got involved in some trouble. It is hard for me to write about it, but I think you can guess.
I forgot to tell you about my grand-mother. She was a wonderful person, a real "Tzadekes" and I loved her very much. She was very sad and upset about my spiritual state of mind.She was giving some money to buy more decent clothes, but nothing helped! She died before I was 17. I cried a lot and didn't know how to live without her, and for a brief period, I even became a little bit more religious.
But time eased the pain, and within a few months I was back to my bad habits, boastful and immodest as ever.
And then I received a second sign from above. One night I had a dream about my grand-mother. She wa s sitting on a stone and crying. I asked her why she was crying, and she pointed to her head without saying a word. I woke up very upset, but I forgot the whole thing very quickly, and this second sign melted away without any thought.
And then, I received the big blow. It came gradually but consistently. At the beginning, there were headaches, and my mother said I was tired and studying too much, that I should rest more, but deep down I felt it was something more serious. After a month, I couldn't even stand because of the headaches, and I thought my head was going to explode.
My mother and I were worried and anxious on our way to the doctor, to get the answers to all the examinations and analyses I had been through, but the doctor's face revealed the fearful truth. He said: "such a beautiful girl and so sick!"
I burst into tears, asked for explanations. My mother and I were disoriented and helpless before this new and cruel reality: I had a cancerous tumor in my head. It was only a question of time.
I don't remember how we got home that day. I just remember tears, fear, confusion and pain.
And suddenly I remembered the dream, my grandmother crying and pointing to her head! If only I had understood at the time the meaning of that dream, my life would have different! But I didn't give any importance to this dream and went on with my life.
The next day, at the hospital, I began the treatment I never thought would be so painful. I felt death crawling slowly inside me, burning my bones, my blood, and my whole self.
Dear Hashem…You are all goodness, but I didn't listen to you. Dear Father, I ignored your compassion and your messages.
The rest of my story is sad and painful, and I don't even have the strength to write it. My wonderful hair fell. Within a few months I was left completely bald, fearfully pale and weak. Every doctor I met was mentioning my rare beauty, and I, every time, felt my heart break a little bit more. Hashem had given me a precious gift, an outstanding beauty, and I had used it the wrong way, instead of keeping it intact and pure for a true cause.
Oh Hashem!Today I am 19 years old, living a tormented life. My days are counted, my illness is getting stronger and I feel death coming closer. I pray that my suffering be the atonement for my sins. I turn to you, my dear sisters, with a torn soul and a broken heart, and ask you to listen to my last words: be decent. There is Law and there is a Judge. And He sees all and knows all…and every one of our acts will be brought to judgment. I beg you: strengthen your decency, don't wait for signs, please don't…Do it for yourselves, do it for me!
My pillow is soaked with tears. I am writing with tremendous efforts. Please pray for me and say that you'll keep decent so that I recover and be healthy again.
I beg you… I want to live.
Revital Avraham
P.S. Revital died a short time after writing this letter. Her last will was a request to publish it. Shall her memory be blessed and her message embraced by all!
I am writing to you in my last moments, with the last threads of my strength. I am writing to you with blood and tears, from the bottom of my broken and tormented heart.
Yes, I, Revital Avraham, 19 years old, am standing on the threshold of death, so young, but already feeling all the gates of life shutting slowly before me. I am like a beautiful flower closing its petals.
Like all o f you, I had my dreams about love, husband, children and social position. But Hashem has decided otherwise, and I know today that if I had lived differently, nothing would have happened.
I was born in a religious family from the center of Israel. From the day I can remember, I knew I was a beautiful child. From kindergarten, I attracted everybody's attention, and I knew I had been blessed with a rare beauty, and I am not exaggerating. Even though people were talking my exceptional beauty, my dear and wise parents tried to minimize the effect of such a gift on me, and made all possible efforts to put the whole family on daily routine.
But I was a bright child, and I cherished more and more my beauty.My friends encouragements made me understand that beauty can buy anything in this world - friendship, position and honor. I learned to exploit it for my goals, I wore clothes which draw attention, my very long hair caused astonishment and envy, and every detail in my appearance was thoroughly taken care of.
I enjoyed the long looks of people everywhere I went - to my deep regret. My teachers in high school tried to change my mind, but it was already too late - I was attracted to a magic circle called "to please and be outstanding".
I can remember one of my teachers' words: "Revital, you have received a rare present, a special beauty - This is your trial in life, keep it carefully for the right person to come in your life". I was pretending to be convinced, but these words were just passing by my ears.
I was addicted to my looks and did everything to bring people to admiration. I know today that I have caused hundreds or even thousands of people to fail because of my clothing. I was really enjoying it!
And then I received a first warning sign. One evening, while preparing an omelet in the kitchen, and made a brisk turn and my beautiful long hair got caught in the fire and became in seconds a red and fearful flame. I was saved, but my hair had gone. I remember my hysterical crying in the hospital, and my father trying to console me: "Revital, Hashem has made a miracle. You could have been entirely burnt! You have now an opportunity to change and leave your foolish attitude behind you".
But I didn't listen. I was 16 years old then, and within two years my hair grew back to what it was, and everything was forgotten.
I was the queen of my class. My friends loved me, anything I wanted was granted, and I never was alone. I grew more and more beautiful with the years, and at 16, I began to put on make-up and tight clothes. At this stage, I even got involved in some trouble. It is hard for me to write about it, but I think you can guess.
I forgot to tell you about my grand-mother. She was a wonderful person, a real "Tzadekes" and I loved her very much. She was very sad and upset about my spiritual state of mind.She was giving some money to buy more decent clothes, but nothing helped! She died before I was 17. I cried a lot and didn't know how to live without her, and for a brief period, I even became a little bit more religious.
But time eased the pain, and within a few months I was back to my bad habits, boastful and immodest as ever.
And then I received a second sign from above. One night I had a dream about my grand-mother. She wa s sitting on a stone and crying. I asked her why she was crying, and she pointed to her head without saying a word. I woke up very upset, but I forgot the whole thing very quickly, and this second sign melted away without any thought.
And then, I received the big blow. It came gradually but consistently. At the beginning, there were headaches, and my mother said I was tired and studying too much, that I should rest more, but deep down I felt it was something more serious. After a month, I couldn't even stand because of the headaches, and I thought my head was going to explode.
My mother and I were worried and anxious on our way to the doctor, to get the answers to all the examinations and analyses I had been through, but the doctor's face revealed the fearful truth. He said: "such a beautiful girl and so sick!"
I burst into tears, asked for explanations. My mother and I were disoriented and helpless before this new and cruel reality: I had a cancerous tumor in my head. It was only a question of time.
I don't remember how we got home that day. I just remember tears, fear, confusion and pain.
And suddenly I remembered the dream, my grandmother crying and pointing to her head! If only I had understood at the time the meaning of that dream, my life would have different! But I didn't give any importance to this dream and went on with my life.
The next day, at the hospital, I began the treatment I never thought would be so painful. I felt death crawling slowly inside me, burning my bones, my blood, and my whole self.
Dear Hashem…You are all goodness, but I didn't listen to you. Dear Father, I ignored your compassion and your messages.
The rest of my story is sad and painful, and I don't even have the strength to write it. My wonderful hair fell. Within a few months I was left completely bald, fearfully pale and weak. Every doctor I met was mentioning my rare beauty, and I, every time, felt my heart break a little bit more. Hashem had given me a precious gift, an outstanding beauty, and I had used it the wrong way, instead of keeping it intact and pure for a true cause.
Oh Hashem!Today I am 19 years old, living a tormented life. My days are counted, my illness is getting stronger and I feel death coming closer. I pray that my suffering be the atonement for my sins. I turn to you, my dear sisters, with a torn soul and a broken heart, and ask you to listen to my last words: be decent. There is Law and there is a Judge. And He sees all and knows all…and every one of our acts will be brought to judgment. I beg you: strengthen your decency, don't wait for signs, please don't…Do it for yourselves, do it for me!
My pillow is soaked with tears. I am writing with tremendous efforts. Please pray for me and say that you'll keep decent so that I recover and be healthy again.
I beg you… I want to live.
Revital Avraham
P.S. Revital died a short time after writing this letter. Her last will was a request to publish it. Shall her memory be blessed and her message embraced by all!
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