How Can This Be?

Motzei Tisha Bav 2024
Eicha?
How can this be?
How can we still
Be waiting
Yearning
Hoping
For the Geula 
And it still
Has not arrived?
How can we have
Gone through
Another Tisha Bav 
Another fast
Cried
Mourned
About the past
While hoping 
For 
A brighter future
And it still remains
In the future?
Eicha?
How can this be?
How can we still 
Be waiting
Yearning
Hoping
For change?
And the change 
We wait for
Still hasn't 
Come to be?
What change
Do we have to make
Within ourselves
To bring about
The Ultimate change
The change 
We are waiting for
So desperately?
We went through 
The motions
And hopefully 
Aroused 
Emotions
We sat on low chairs
Didn't eat
Or drink
Tried to connect 
And tried to think
We watched videos
That awakened
Even the strongest
Of hearts
Our hearts
Opened up
To the pain 
Of our brothers
And sisters
Who are mothers
And fathers
Sons 
And daughters
Who experienced 
A painful year
We shed tears
We felt the pain
Of galus
In a way
We haven't felt
In previous years
And now...
We continue
To wait
We hoped
There would be
A change
For our nation
We dreamed
Of the day
When it all
Would change
And we wished
Today 
Would have been
That day
But Hashem
Who knows
And sees
Beyond what we
Can see
Knows
That we need
A little more
Time 
Perhaps
The time
Is almost
Here
We hope
And wish
And dream
And yearn
And pray
For the day
When the time
Will be ripe
Until then...
Hashem...?
Please give us
The strength 
To continue 
Hoping
Wishing
Dreaming
And praying
Please help us
Notice
What we need
To change
What we need
To do
So we can
Come closer 
To You
And help us
Take the steps
To come back
To You.
It was a hard day
A heavy day
And we need You
To carry us through
Whatever comes next
Please, Hashem
Look into our hearts
See our yearning 
And our desire to
Connect
To You
To come back
To You
And bring us back
Bring us home
To You.

Flame of Hope

There are many answers to the famous question of the Bais Yosef. If there was enough oil to last for one day, why do we celebrate Chanukah for eight days if the miracle was only for the seven extra days that the oil burned?

There is a powerful lesson to be learned from that first day. 

We are commemorating the fact that those Jews even bothered lighting the oil they had on that first day. They could have said, if we only have enough oil for one day and it'll take eight days to get new oil, we'll light it the day before we have new oil so we will have continuous light from the day we light it. But a Jew doesn't work that way. A Jew doesn't look at his resources and decide what the outcome will be based on the facts. He relies on Hashem for results. He does the best he can with whatever he has and leaves the rest in Hashem's hands.

This is what we are celebrating. And we remember this lesson each year when we celebrate Chanukah for eight days instead of seven. That first day is what we are celebrating. It's not extra. It's essential. It helps us internalize that no matter how dark things are or how challenging our lives are, we do whatever we can with the resources we have and have faith in Hashem that things will work out in the best possible way.

We all have goals, hopes and dreams. And sometimes we don't know how we'll ever be able to accomplish the things we want. What we want seems too difficult to achieve. 

But we have to try. We need to put our best foot forward and utilize whatever little abilities we have to start. And then we trust in Hashem to help us reach the finish line.

This is what those Jews did so many years ago. They didn't have enough oil to last for eight days, until they'd have more, pure oil. But it didn't matter. They lit what they had and Hashem allowed that light, and essentially the flame of hope and faith, to remain lit until they'd have more oil to keep the menorah's light glowing.

It's the first day of Chanukah that we are memorializing. That's the day that is most important to all the days that come afterwards. It's the day that infuses hope into the rest of this holiday and into the darkness of our lives. The first day teaches us to take that first step when we are scared, to try when we are unsure if we'll succeed. Because ultimately, it's our emunah when things are tough that will help us pull through and keep trying.

May we be able to take this lesson to heart, have hope when things are dark, and try even when we don't have enough resources to achieve the outcome we're hoping for. And may Hashem reward us for having faith in Him by exceeding our hopes and dreams!

Happy Chanukah! 

Pesach Sheini

Today is Pesach Sheini.
We remember this day that was given to those who weren't able to bring the korban Pesach in Nissan. They asked for another chance and their request was granted.

Sometimes, we are too quick to say something won't happen or we won't be allowed to do something. And so, we don't  bother asking. 

We see that it is so important to ASK. Make that request. Ask for a raise. Find out if that person is willing to help out. Don't stay stuck in a situation just because you're afraid to speak up. The key to change might just be to ask for help.

May we be able to find the courage to speak up when necessary, and see positive results when we do!

Enjoy your matzah!

Shabbos-Never Forget

This poem was written by a friend, B.K. I'm posting it here with her permission. 

Shabbos
A time of peace
Quality time 
With family
Togetherness
Calmness
Was destroyed 
This week.

A time that was a celebration 
To bring forth
A new Jewish child
Ended in destruction. 

Bloody mass destruction.
Parents
Siblings
Children
Their lives
Were overturned
This shabbos.

This shabbos
Will go down
In Jewish history
We can’t forget
We must not forget
The people that were 
Taken from us.

What message
Are we supposed to take
What are we really
Supposed to be mourning
While crying in grief
For the families

If you heard about this,
God specifically wanted you
To hear.
There is a reason.
A change
An action
That you need to take.

Think about it.
Don’t think
About the questions
We cannot understand
Think about the reason
For why you were meant
To hear about this.

Change.
Do it now.
And don’t ever
Forget
About this shabbos.

Parshas Ha'azinu

The Torah tells us, "Hatzur tamim pa'alo"- Hashem's actions are perfect and whole. But "banav mumam"- His children are blemished.

When we see or experience people acting wrongly, we should not question Hashem. He is perfect and everything He does is for the good. It's us people who are imperfect and have to fix ourselves. Hashem gives us free will to act in ways that we desire. If we would only act positively, we wouldn't have free will. It's the fact that we can act wrongly that allows us to choose between good and evil. Our negative actions are not a reflection of Hashem's middos, they're a reflection of our own!

May we be able to make good choices and make a kiddush Hashem wherever we go so that we impact people positively and elevate our souls to higher levels of giving and kindness!

Dear Father of Mine

The following poem was written by a friend, B.K., and I'm posting it with her permission.

Dear father of mine
To you I cry and sigh
Tear after tear
Hoping you do hear
I scream and yell to you
Maybe something it will do
I stand here with great pain
Pain so intense, could go insane

Dear father of mine
I cry and sigh
It’s hard to understand
You left us Behind in the sand
It’s hard to go on
Feel like a part of me is gone
How many more will you take
How can this be for the good of their sake

Dear father of mine
I cry and sigh
Engaged to be wed
And now their dead
So fresh so young 
And for them a grave was dug
I can ask why a million times
And come up with neither answer nor find

Dear father of mine
I cry and sigh
Is this truly life
Full of crime and strife
Days filled with anger and sadness
People shooting with madness
Death signs all over 
People with faces so sober 

Dear father of mine
I cry and sigh
For all those who have died
For parents walking around red eyed
For teens so lost
Sick kids full of exhaust
So many battles fought each day
Yet so pure they never complain 

Dear father of mine
The sun does still shine
I know one day I will look back
See things in white not black
One day I’ll understand why
You made us cry
Why we went through so much hurt
Trying to find you amongst the dirt

Dear father of mine
All these suffering are the sign
The time for redemption has arrived
The Jewish nation please do revive
Glorify your name 
Your place in this world acclaim
Being moshiach now
The goyim to you will all bow

Dear father of mine....

I will continue to cry and sigh..

One Soul

Too much pain
Hurts my brain
Can wrap my head around it
Hurts my heart
I can't start
To imagine it
For those closest to it
A young couple
Engaged to be wed
And instead
Boom
They're dead
How??
How does Hashem allow
Such pain
To remain
To exist 
In this world
Our imperfect world
Our confusing world
Our painful world
In His world
In His book
This all looks
Perfect
How??
How can we understand 
We can't
Make sense
Of something
That doesn't make
Any sense.
A young bride
Smile so wide
Stands beside
Her new partner
Her partner in life
And now in death
They met their end
Right at the beginning 
Of their new life
No chance to be
Husband and wife
No chance to prove
All the wonderful things
They started to know
About each other.
Shidduchim
So complex
So deep
So full
Research
Say yes
Go out
Another yes
And now?
A slap
A no
No
You will not go
The way of most
Brides and grooms
You're escorted to
A different room
To a place where
Neshamos go
Because Hashem knows
That your neshamos glow
Brighter than
The smiles you wore
While you were so sure
Of your wonderful life
Ahead of you
Hashem took you
Away
From your families
Together
Your neshamos were bound
In this world
Two halves
Of one whole
Ready to become
One soul
Now you're one
One with Hashem 
One with each other
One with
Your other brother
The one who
Just two
Years ago
Also
Left this world.
Do all these neshamos 
Hang out together?
Do all of them
Watch us
Cry and remember?
Do all of them have 
The clarity we seek
Oh how I wish
I could have a little peek
A touch of understanding
A hint of clarity
A piece of that light
To illuminate this night
(And a chunk of time
With someone up there
That could stretch til eternity
So we could just share...)
But I am stuck here
Alone and confused
With nothing to gain
And so much to lose
If I just wallow and cry
And continue to ask why
I need to do more than just sigh 
I need to use that why
To propel me to go
To move
And to grow
To higher places
To better places
I wish I could know
Where I am meant to go
In which direction to grow
Where to direct all this pain
So something will be gained
To know what to change
Yet I am left in the dark
I can only do my small part
In trying to fix
Myself
To take this pain
So it won't be in vain
But 
We are stuck
In galus
Without clarity
Or prophets
To help us
To tell us
To explain to us
The true meaning 
Behind each happening
So I will pray
For the day
When we will have
All that
And more
Clarity
Closeness
Connection 
With the One Above
And the ones we love
Hashem...?
Can you strengthen me?
Can you strengthen all of us?
Until that day?

It's All One

A long week it's been
With news so insane
First horror
Then pain
And prayers
For those who remain
The tears flow
We beg and plead
Do another good deed
Say more tehillim
Cry more tears
And then...
After eight years
A new piece
Of news
He's been released!
A free man
Rubashkin is allowed
Out
Crowds
Of people
Go out
To greet him
People dance freely
Singing songs of hope
Singing songs of unity
What a community
So much love
To the One Above
For making this happen
At precisely this moment
But deep inside
Our hearts
There's still a big hole
A gaping hole
A broken heart
Because
A family
Just shattered
Ripped apart
Torn to threads
From their beds
Peaceful sleep
Interrupted
Now they've been corrupted
No more peace
Just pain
No more calm
No way
In one day
Or just a night
Everything changed
This family's plight
Is at the mercy
Of the One Above
Is this mercy?
Is this love?
How can it be
That something so terrible
Also is an expression
Of love
And mercy?
We learn it
We know it
We teach it
We preach it
Does this show it?
Is this love?
To tear apart a family?
To destroy a home?
To pull lives away?
We know in our heads
That it's coming from you
We know in our minds
That it's all from you
We know everything
You do is good
We know it all
But...should
We not question?
We have questions
This makes no sense
In our heads
And our hearts
How can this be
Good?
We say in shema
That everything you do
Whether it looks harsh like din
Or seems like a reflection
Or your mercy
Hashem elokeinu
Both aspects of your
Character
Of your actions
Hashem
The good,
The kind
The merciful
The One Who finally redeemed
Released
Sholom Mordechai
Rubashkin
That is a sign
Of your mercy
So divine
Yet, you are also
Elokeinu
Strict and punishing
Full of judgement
You caused
A family
A home
To go up
In flames
And now
Only a few
Still remain
In this earth
Left here to struggle
For the rest of
Their lifetime
They'll struggle to move on
To face the world
To deal with whatever remains
This is judgement
This is your strict, harsh side
But we are taught
Hashem echod
It's all ONE
All of this
The good
The bad
The compassion
And the judgement
All really come from
Your compassion
Even the things
That seem like
A reflection
Of your judgement
Things like a fire
That consume a family
That consume a nation
Along with the clear
Open celebration
When we know
And we see
Perfectly
That it's Your Hand
That it's Your Compassion
Making this happen
Both those things
Come from Your Goodness
It's all part of
The greater good
Which we cannot see
And we can't understand
While we live down here
In this polluted, unclear land
We will continue to pray
We will continue to cry
We will cry, "ad masai"
For we don't understand
We want to get out
Of this polluted, unclear land
We will hope for change
We will hope for refuos
And continued miracles
For a family that's relying
On us
On our tefillos
On our kabalos
So they can be mekabel
The ones they lost
So we can all be mekabel
One day we will all greet
The ones we hope to meet
The ones who have a seat
At our tables
In our hearts
Even though we're far apart
We pray
For the day
When we will all say
This is what we were
Waiting for
Hoping for
Dreaming of
Wishing for
Praying for
And until then
Hashem
Please infuse us
With strength
With the ability
To keep going
To keep moving
To keep praying
To keep hoping
And to keep believing
In you.

Fire

I'm still reeling.

I can't digest this. The enormity of this tragedy...the depth of this pain...It's just to much. 

How will these parents go on?

How?

How can it be that a beautiful family of 8 children is suddenly reduced to a family with just one child? A girl who until now had 7 siblings is now an only child. How can that be?

I have so many questions. Questions I'll (probably) never get answers to.

There are no answers when something so big and so incredibly sad happens.

It's just too much.

Why??

I don't know. 

We can't know. 

We can't understand Hashem's ways.

We don't know why this had to happen.

But...I need to take a message. I need to do something. I can't just cry without changing.

I think about fire. 

Fire...it has such power. 

With fire, one can cook food on the stove, light up a dark room and bring warmth into a cold place. Fire brings peace onto a family when shabbos candles are lit.

But fire can also be so destructive. It can burn a house, it can take people's lives.

It all depends on how it is used.

I think about that. I think about it good and hard. 

There are many things that have this power. The power to build, the power to destroy.

Our words.

Our time.

Our phones.

The internet.

How do we use...Our words?

Are we building or destroying? Are we bringing people up or knocking them down?

How do we use...Our time?

Are we using it constructively, building, doing, changing? Or are we letting time pass, wasting precious moments by not fully being present, by doing things that destroy our souls?

How do we use...Our phones? 

Do we use them to build...relationships? To bring people up? To listen, support, encourage, share positive things? Or are we using those phones to say things that are mean, hurtful and so destructive? 

How do we use...the internet? 

It is such a powerful tool. But just like fire, if it is not used properly, if it is not contained, it will destroy. Our lives, or souls, our relationships...and our very own children. 

Are we building or destroying? Are we creating or ruining....with the very special gifts we've been blessed with?

I can't know why this happened. No one can know. But I can ask the other kind of why. Like R' Rietti says, maduah and lamah both mean why. Maduah, which comes from da, keeps a person in the past. They want to know, to understand...the details, what caused this and what the reasons are. But we can't really know why it had to happen. Why Hashem gave us such a terrible blow. 

The second why, Lamah, comes from Li-mah, to what. What is this bringing me to? How will this horrific tragedy propel me to make changes, to move forward, to become better?

THAT is the only why each of us can answer.

Maybe we can each spend some time thinking about why...what this can bring us to change.

Very soon, we will be burning our chometz, getting rid of the ten pieces of bread we hid after cleaning our houses for pesach. 

Can we also look through our closets, drawers and shelves to see if there is anything in there that should be burned in that fire? Do we have clothing, books, cds or magazines that are not good for our neshamos? Are we hurting our souls with the things we are feeding it?

Let's rid our homes and our souls of things that are not good for our spirituality.

Let us throw the negative forces into the fire, purify our souls so that we can give meaning to the only why we can answer.

May Hashem comfort the Sassoon family...because we cannot think of words of comfort. May Hashem comfort each of us with the ultimate nechama in this month of geula so soon.

Why is Chanukah Eight Days?

Here is a compilation of answers to the famous question from the Bais Yosef. Why do we keep 8 days of חנוכה if the נס  was 7 days since there was enough oil to last for one day?

1.      The יונים ransacked the בהמ"ק many days in search of oil to make it טמא. Despite their strength and numbers, they overlooked one flask. A few weak, battle-weary Jews found it immediately. We celebrate the first day to commemorate the miraculous victory over the Greeks.

2.      It would take 8 days to get oil so the Jews divided the oil which contained enough for one night into 8 equal parts. They figured they would light one-eighth of the oil each of the next eight nights. Miraculously, on each of the eight nights, the oil lasted for the entire night.

3.      After they filled the menorah with oil on the first night, the jug remained full on all eight days.

4.      The oil in the cups never burned, the cup remained full the next morning.

5.      ברית מילה was not allowed and after the war they were allowed to do it openly so for the fact that after a baby boy is born we wait 8 days, we have 8 days of חנוכה.

6.      They needed thicker wicks but they used wicks 1/8^th of the normal thickness so it would last for more days. It looked like it was very thick from far and brightened the whole ירושלים. So we light because the first day it was also a נס.

7.      They were not allowed to make a copy of the כלים in the בית המקדש so that’s why we make an 8 branch and not the 7 branch.  

8.      The משכן was completed on כ"ה כסלו  but it was only dedicated in ניסן. To make it up to חדש כסלו, ה' caused נס חנוכה  to occur in כסלו. The dedication of the משכן and the beginning of the עבודה lasted 8 days so we celebrate חנוכה for 8 days. The meaning of חנוכה is dedication- this eludes to this aspect of the celebration.

9.      The first day commemorates the dedication of the second בית המקדש –when it was built.

10.  It was a נס that they found a פך שמן טהור with the seal of the כהן גדול.

11.  The oil was enough for the first night but the מנורה must be lit by day too.

12.  They were forbidden to extinguish the fire on the morning of the first day in order to conserve oil yet the oil continued burning through the eighth evening-(זית רענן)

13.  The eighth day was celebrated out of doubt just like all ימים טובים outside of ארץ ישראל. (ברקי יוסף, תולדות יעקב ויוסף).

14.  They planned on using multiple wicks dipped in oil but the original wicks lasted all day.

15.  The candles didn’t burn out despite the wind outside. They lit the מנורה outdoors because the בהמ"ק was full of ע"ז.

16.  That year כסלו was short but nowadays its long (29 days versus 30 days). We still do the יו"ט from כ"ה כסלו  through ב' טבת even though it is now 8 days rather than only 7.

17.  The מצוה of lighting the מנורה comes right after the מצוה of keeping 8 days of סוכות (7 days+שמעיני עצרת) The חכמים took it as a hint that חנוכה should be 8 days too.

18.  The נס  is not in the quantity of the oil but  quality. That is burned 8 days slower than usual which also occurred on the first day.(ר' יוסף אנגעל)

19.  The oil was enough for lighting מנורה but not for relighting the western light in the morning as it was each day.(חמדת שלמה )

20.  They lit the מנורה before dark on the evening of כד' כסלו so the נס also applied to the end of the first day.

21.  We know that the oil was supposed to burn for one day and the miracle was that it burned for eight days. But, even the oil burning for one day isn’t “supposed” to happen. Everything that happens, even the things that seem like they happen naturally, daily are miracles.טבע  is really נס.

22.  The Zohar says: A bracha can only catch onto something that exists-like when we say Birchas Hamazon we have a piece of bread on the table so that the bracha could catch onto it. So on the first night, the oil burned the full amount of time but obviously, not all the oil was used because there had to be  oil for the next day for the bracha to catch onto So it’s a miracle that it burned the full amount of time but didn’t use all the oil.

23.  The Jews were impure from the battle. They had to use an earthenware menorah temporarily. Because it’s porous, one jar wasn’t enough for the whole day.

24.  That year, כה' כסלו was on Shabbos so they needed extra oil because they had to light the מנורה before Shabbos.

25.  They filled the מנורה, and the next day, it was still full.

26.  When they filled the מנורה, the oil stuck to the jug and so not enough was put in yet it still burned the whole night.

27.  Other Jews lit torches which did not burn out until the end of the 8 days.

28.  They poured a small amount of oil into the מנורה and it filled it all up.

29.  The מנורה needed 3 ½ לוגין of oil. The flask only had 3לוגין .

30.  So that the last day of חנוכה will be the same day that the miracle happened.

31.  Some say that the miracle was 8 days- not 7. (Sefer Pischei Olam)

32.  The flame was lit but no oil was being burnt.

33.  They used aמנורה  that was broken and could not contain a full day’s amount of oil but still, it miraculously burned for a whole day.

34.  They were such צדיקים that when they lit it with such excitement, it should have toppled over but it didn’t. Every day was a נס.