Parshas Emor

There is a special mitzvah for a farmer to leave the corner of his field for the poor man when he is harvesting his crop. He demonstrates his awareness of Who blessed him with this good and shares it with those who are less fortunate than he is.

When we are blessed with plenty, we should remember those who aren't as fortunate as we are and share it with them. And while we think of giving in terms of money, there are so many ways to give. We can give our time or our knowledge, a listening ear or a compliment, encouragement or good advice. Some forms of giving don't have a price tag but they're worth more than all the money in the world!

May we always be on the giving end by sharing whatever good we have with others - from money to talents and everything in between!

Parshas Vayikra

It is forbidden to put honey into any of the karbanos. The way Hashem commanded us to offer the sacrifices are perfect and they do not require any additional sweeteners.

We must remember that we were created with perfection. We have talents and qualities that make us great. We should not allow the negative comments of others bring us down. It would be nice if we didn't need compliments to feel good, but since many of us do, we should make an effort to see the good in others and verbalize it to them. Remember, every person's essence is pure since we come from such a holy source!

May we be able to notice the positive about others, tell them when we see it and internalize our inner value so we don't need to be told we are great to know how special we are!

Parshas Vayeitzei

Vayeitzei
Rashi tells us that the reason the passuk says Yaakov left is because when a tzaddik leaves a place, it makes an impression. People feel a loss; they gained a lot from his presence and now that he is no longer there, it affects them.

We should think about our presence and how it affects others. Are we pleasant to be around? What happens when we leave-our homes, offices, schools or any place where we are surrounded by others? Do people silently think "good riddance" or do they feel like they gained something by spending time in our presence? Do we leave a lasting impression on those who we come in contact with? We can-by complimenting them, by listening in a real way and by creating lasting connections.

May we be able to interact with those around us in a meaningful way so that when we part, people feel the difference and want to emulate our actions!

Parshas Nitzavim

Moshe tells Bnei Yisroel - you have a choice between life and good and death and bad. He says, choose life!
The way to choose life is by making choices that connect us to the source of life, Hashem.

Now, before Rosh Hashanah, we should ask ourselves, are we doing things that bring us closer to Hashem or are we distancing ourselves from Him? Are we using the gifts He gave us-our eyes, ears, mouth, hands and feet to connect to Hashem in a real way?

Do we try to see Hashem in our daily life?
Are we receptive to inspiration?
Do we speak calmly and kindly to others?
Can we use our hands to do chessed thereby making a kiddush Hashem?
Have we walked away from arguments and negativity?

It's the last shabbos of the year. We have a chance to fix everything we've corrupted over this past year. Let's make a commitment to use our body to connect to Hashem, the source of life. 

May we be able to elevate every fiber of our being to connect to Hashem, the source of life and this way, well merit to be written down for a year of life, connection and meaning!

She's a Gift

It's the seventh night of Chanukah.

Four years ago, on this day, I gave birth to a delicious little girl. We named her Chaya Gitty and she already personifies her name. Full of life and full of goodness, I sometimes wonder if she can be too good. But then I see her acting like a regular, normal, healthy little girl, doing things girls her age should do and I smile inside. She is a gift.

Every child is a gift. It sometimes passes us by and we are too busy to take the time to notice it, but on this day I take a few minutes to think and to be grateful. Grateful to Hashem for giving us such a precious little girl who lights up our home with so much sunshine and joy.

The cute things this little girl says, the way she shares and plays, the amount she absorbs and understands, the purity and innocence of her young heart, every bit of it is something to be grateful for.

And she's so happy. So simply happy. What does it take to make a little girl excited? A new doll. And not a huge 18 inch American Girl Doll (even though she'd be thrilled til the sky to have one of those!), just a teeny little Polly Pocket or a small six inch doll. She doesn't expect much and she's happy with the little things she gets.

What do we expect? 

What happens when things don't turn out the way we anticipated?

Do we pull through, coming out stronger? Or do we succumb because it's just too hard and our dreams have been shattered?

We all have dreams. 

We plan our lives the way we expect them to turn out.

And sometimes, sometimes life just doesn't follow that script. The imaginary life we thought we'd live...with all the hopes and dreams packed into one little fairy tale...turns out to be so different...so much more challenging...yet so much more real.

It's a chance for us to become more real. To discover our essence. To appreciate our strengths and work through our weaknesses so we can become a different person. Stronger, better, more connected...and more whole.

It's okay to wish, to dream...and even to expect to some degree.

But we have to know that Hashem has a better plan. 

Even if it doesn't seem all that wonderful in the moment. 

He has a reason, there is a purpose, and one day, we may even get a glimpse, a little peek, a little bit of understanding. 

It takes work to accept, to let go of the dreams and to create a new reality with the life and challenges we have been given.

But at the end, we will feel happy inside.

To my sweet and precious little girl, I continue to daven and hope that your life continue to be this happy. That you keep that innocence and purity with you for a long time. That you keep being that good little girl, with the right balance of giving and sharing but standing up for yourself when you need to. That the passion you have for doing mitzvos, davening and learning more never leave you...and that you follow on the right path with love every day of your life.

Hashem, I thank you for giving us such a wonderful gift. I can't imagine my family without my little Chaya Gitty in it. And on her birthday, as I take the time to reflect on how lucky I am to have her in our family, I ask you to please give me the strength to take care of her (and all of them), the ability to make the right decisions, and the knowledge I need to be mechanech all of my children to stay on this beautiful and special path we have started on. Let my home be infused with spirituality, positivity and happiness every single day.

Happy Birthday, CG! 

And Happy Chanukah to all!

Sefira - Climbing Higher

This was posted last year and I want to share it with you again.

To continue on where I left off on last post, I wanted to get practical. I felt like the last post was inspirational and can leave the reader feeling like they want to do something to use each day for growth but then the feeling may creep in: Now what?!

How do you get to a level where by the time Shavuos comes around, you can look back and say Wow! I really changed! I used each day to grow and come closer to Hashem!

Let's get real. I know that in the past I haven't been able to look back after 49 days and say that I've really grown.

Change is difficult.

It takes work.

Here's something I heard from my very special married sister that I wanted to share with you because it can make all the difference.

You need to choose something small.

And that is SO true. That's how you can change over the 49 days of sefira.

In Judaism, growth can only be made if you take baby steps.

Little, small, teeny baby steps.

Proof: Sefira is forty nine whole days. That's quite a long time if you think about it! It's not like you are expected to change in a weeks time. No. It's gradual. You have more than a month to change, to prepare for the big day!

Now we are already more than halfway through sefira but I still think it's worth sharing these ideas so that if you haven't started yet, you can still utilize the time that's left to take something little and start making a change.

That's what I said. Something little.

It's up to you to decide where you want to begin.

Here are some ideas:
You want to become a more giving person? You want to work on chessed? Do one small thing every day to help someone else. It can be an anonymous act of kindness (like closing an opened safety pin so it wont prick someone else - I heard this idea at a speech a while back and it really left an impression on me!) or it can be something else - calling someone to let them know you're thinking of them. Whatever it is, make sure it's something small that can be done every day.

You think your kibbud av va'eim could use a little polishing? That's a hard mitzvah. But if once a day you make sure you had a positive thought about your parents, your mother or your father, you are already on your way up that spiritual ladder. One "thank you" to your parent, one extra chore to help out, one less complaint - and you're getting there.

Are you too connected to technology? Do you want to connect to Hashem but find yourself whipping out your phone/laptop/iPad too often to check your text messages or emails? Once a day, just one time during the day, hold yourself back. Instead, direct your thoughts upward and think a spiritual thought.

Do you want to work on your appreciation to Hashem for all the things He does for you but find yourself complaining about the things going wrong too often? Again, make it a once a day thing - think of something you are thankful for because in reality, Hashem gives you so, so much! Your eyes, your ears, your taste buds, your friends, your family, a healthy body, a digestive system, flowers, sunrise, music, the ability to understand, a job, a home...and the list goes on and on. So take a moment once a day to thank Hashem for ONE THING and then when Shavuos comes, you can look back and say, I've grown in my appreciation to Hashem during this sefira period.

Does your bein adam l'chaveiro need a little tune-up? There are so many ways to improve but just take one little step every day - give someone a sincere compliment. Hold in that urge to answer back for an extra second. Smile at someone when you pass them by in the hallway. Hold the door open for someone walking in behind you. Stop yourself before you respond to someone's gossip. These are hard things but if you take a small step, you can get there at the end of the 49th day.

Can your tefillah use a little more concentration to make it better? Decide that you are going to look into your siddur during one tefillah each day. You can choose the same tefillah, the first one you daven when you open your siddur, or a different one every day. But make sure that at the end of each day you can look back and say that you looked inside once. Because that can really make a difference in the kavanna that you have. When you look inside, you see the words and automatically your brain thinks about what those words mean! It may take a quick second before you get distracted but if you push yourself to look inside again at that tefillah, you'll see a difference in how you are able to concentrate!

There are so many areas that a person can change. When you look at all the ideas thrown out to you here, it may seem overwhelming. But just choose one thing. And take small steps towards your goal. Your goal is that when Shavuos comes around, you will be able to look back at this time with pride knowing that you utilized each day.

But if you do too much, you can fall back and give up because it becomes too hard. Taking something little upon yourself makes it a goal that can be reached.

Happy Climbing!!

Positive Speech

This was posted once before...

How can we improve the way we speak?

Positive Word Power, an amazing book on the topic of Speaking Positively is not just recommended reading. It is a truly essential work, which will help you learn how to speak in a more positive way and will give you practical guidelines for effective growth - both in the areas of personal development and in interpersonal relationships. If you do not have it yet, it is a good idea to buy it, study it and really apply its useful and true-to-life lessons.

The sefer is actually arranged in short and poignant daily lessons. Below is a sample of a Daily Lesson. Even for those who are already studying the book, the following can certainly be read, reread, and reread (and applied!).

“I just want you to know how much we enjoy having your son around,” Leah told her friend, Tova. Leah lived in Israel, where Tova’s son was learning in yeshivah. He spent many a Shabbos with Leah and her family, eager as he was to enjoy a family atmosphere and home cooking. Tova sometimes wondered if he wasn’t perhaps overusing his welcome.

“He’s so helpful and such a terrific addition to the table,” Leah enthused. Later on, when Tova spoke to her son, she was happy to relate her friend’s warm words. Her son was happy to hear that his presence was welcome. He felt valued and good that he was seen as someone with something to offer. Thereafter, each time he visited Leah's family for Shabbos, he aimed to enhance his reputation further. He made sure to bring an especially interesting Dvar Torah, he brought puzz1es and games for the family’s children, and cake from the bakery for the family to enjoy. He wanted to maintain his status as a "terrific addition," and he did.

Everyone is well aware of the negative impact of hearing unkind words passed along about oneself. People do not often consider, however, the ripple effects of good words being passed along. Everyone loves to hear that something nice was said about them. It enhances their self-esteem, and more importantly, it builds their desire to continue doing the good thing for which they were praised. The child who was told, "Your teacher says you always have interesting ideas to add to the class discussion," will look forward to the next opportunity to raise his/her hand in class. The husband who is told, "Your wife always quotes your opinion," will feel honored and admired by his wife, thereby encouraging him to continue earning her respect. The wife who hears, "You husband says he couldn't manage anything without you," will be happy to dig in and provide the support her husband counts on.

People long to feel acknowledged and appreciated. Praising someone to his face is one way to convey this recognition, yet there is always the lingering thought that perhaps the praise is meant "just to be nice." When a person hears that he was praised to another, the praise rings that much truer, for there can be no ulterior motive. Aaron HaKohen employed this method to foster peace and friendship among the Jewish people. He would tell each person how much the other person valued him, thereby building friendship and warmth. Often, we hear good things about someone, but fail to pass it on. It just takes a little awareness to tuck that compliment away and bring it out when it counts. Doing so takes the positive power of the comment itself and amplifies it a thousand times over, giving someone the encouragement to keep on doing what they do well, and the blessing of knowing they are appreciated.

Remember, when you hear a compliment or a positive statement about someone, you should try to pass it on to the subject of the comment.

Reproduced from Positive Word Power by the Chofetz Chaim Heritage Foundation with permission from the copyright holders at Artscroll/Mesorah Publications, LTD.

Sefira - Climbing Higher

To continue on where I left off on last post, I wanted to get practical. I felt like the last post was inspirational and can leave the reader feeling like they want to do something to use each day for growth but then the feeling may creep in: Now what?!

How do you get to a level where by the time Shavuos comes around, you can look back and say Wow! I really changed! I used each day to grow and come closer to Hashem!

Let's get real. I know that in the past I haven't been able to look back after 49 days and say that I've really grown.

Change is difficult.

It takes work.

Here's something I heard from my very special married sister that I wanted to share with you because it can make all the difference.

You need to choose something small.

And that is SO true. That's how you can change over the 49 days of sefira.

In Judaism, growth can only be made if you take baby steps.

Little, small, teeny baby steps.

Proof: Sefira is forty nine whole days. That's quite a long time if you think about it! It's not like you are expected to change in a weeks time. No. It's gradual. You have more than a month to change, to prepare for the big day!

Now we are already more than halfway through sefira but I still think it's worth sharing these ideas so that if you haven't started yet, you can still utilize the time that's left to take something little and start making a change.

That's what I said. Something little.

It's up to you to decide where you want to begin.

Here are some ideas:
You want to become a more giving person? You want to work on chessed? Do one small thing every day to help someone else. It can be an anonymous act of kindness (like closing an opened safety pin so it wont prick someone else - I heard this idea at a speech a while back and it really left an impression on me!) or it can be something else - calling someone to let them know you're thinking of them. Whatever it is, make sure it's something small that can be done every day.

You think your kibbud av va'eim could use a little polishing? That's a hard mitzvah. But if once a day you make sure you had a positive thought about your parents, your mother or your father, you are already on your way up that spiritual ladder. One "thank you" to your parent, one extra chore to help out, one less complaint - and you're getting there.

Are you too connected to technology? Do you want to connect to Hashem but find yourself whipping out your phone/laptop/iPad too often to check your text messages or emails? Once a day, just one time during the day, hold yourself back. Instead, direct your thoughts upward and think a spiritual thought.

Do you want to work on your appreciation to Hashem for all the things He does for you but find yourself complaining about the things going wrong too often? Again, make it a once a day thing - think of something you are thankful for because in reality, Hashem gives you so, so much! Your eyes, your ears, your taste buds, your friends, your family, a healthy body, a digestive system, flowers, sunrise, music, the ability to understand, a job, a home...and the list goes on and on. So take a moment once a day to thank Hashem for ONE THING and then when Shavuos comes, you can look back and say, I've grown in my appreciation to Hashem during this sefira period.

Does your bein adam l'chaveiro need a little tune-up? There are so many ways to improve but just take one little step every day - give someone a sincere compliment. Hold in that urge to answer back for an extra second. Smile at someone when you pass them by in the hallway. Hold the door open for someone walking in behind you. Stop yourself before you respond to someone's gossip. These are hard things but if you take a small step, you can get there at the end of the 49th day.

Can your tefillah use a little more concentration to make it better? Decide that you are going to look into your siddur during one tefillah each day. You can choose the same tefillah, the first one you daven when you open your siddur, or a different one every day. But make sure that at the end of each day you can look back and say that you looked inside once. Because that can really make a difference in the kavanna that you have. When you look inside, you see the words and automatically your brain thinks about what those words mean! It may take a quick second before you get distracted but if you push yourself to look inside again at that tefillah, you'll see a difference in how you are able to concentrate!

There are so many areas that a person can change. When you look at all the ideas thrown out to you here, it may seem overwhelming. But just choose one thing. And take small steps towards your goal. Your goal is that when Shavuos comes around, you will be able to look back at this time with pride knowing that you utilized each day.

But if you do too much, you can fall back and give up because it becomes too hard. Taking something little upon yourself makes it a goal that can be reached.

Happy Climbing!!

Encouragement

Everyone needs encouragement.

Don't you think it's true?

It's not that it's only true for the people who look like they could use an extra dose of positivity or for someone you pass in the hallway who you can tell is having a hard day just by looking at their facial expression.

Even those who are "high up" on the ladder, even those who look like they have everything going for them. These people specifically could use an extra boost.

I'll tell you how you can do it.

Give a sincere and honest compliment. "I like your necklace" is fine and so is "nice shoes" but something a little deeper can really make a difference to a person's day.

"It's such a pleasure to work with you. You are always so positive!"

"You are so dedicated to your job. What would we do without you?!"

"I'm so lucky to have a friend like you. You listen to me with your heart, especially when it's late at night and I have no one else to talk to."

If you feel embarrassed or uncomfortable to say these things to someone's face, you can always write them a letter or an email or send them a text message. It can really make their day!

Do you know that people who speak publicly really draw strength to continue from the feedback they get?

"The speech you ave really hit home. I specifically liked that story/point you said about _________. It really spoke to me and I'm going to do something about it."

Every person, no matter how great they seem or how confident they appear to be can gain from your positive words.

Give it a try! You'll make someone's day!

Positive Speech

How can we improve the way we speak?

Positive Word Power, an amazing book on the topic of Speaking Positively is not just recommended reading. It is a truly essential work, which will help you learn how to speak in a more positive way and will give you practical guidelines for effective growth - both in the areas of personal development and in interpersonal relationships. If you do not have it yet, it is a good idea to buy it, study it and really apply its useful and true-to-life lessons.

The sefer is actually arranged in short and poignant daily lessons. Below is a sample of a Daily Lesson. Even for those who are already studying the book, the following can certainly be read, reread, and reread (and applied!).

“I just want you to know how much we enjoy having your son around,” Leah told her friend, Tova. Leah lived in Israel, where Tova’s son was learning in yeshivah. He spent many a Shabbos with Leah and her family, eager as he was to enjoy a family atmosphere and home cooking. Tova sometimes wondered if he wasn’t perhaps overusing his welcome.

“He’s so helpful and such a terrific addition to the table,” Leah enthused. Later on, when Tova spoke to her son, she was happy to relate her friend’s warm words. Her son was happy to hear that his presence was welcome. He felt valued and good that he was seen as someone with something to offer. Thereafter, each time he visited Leah's family for Shabbos, he aimed to enhance his reputation further. He made sure to bring an especially interesting Dvar Torah, he brought puzz1es and games for the family’s children, and cake from the bakery for the family to enjoy. He wanted to maintain his status as a "terrific addition," and he did.

Everyone is well aware of the negative impact of hearing unkind words passed along about oneself. People do not often consider, however, the ripple effects of good words being passed along. Everyone loves to hear that something nice was said about them. It enhances their self-esteem, and more importantly, it builds their desire to continue doing the good thing for which they were praised. The child who was told, "Your teacher says you always have interesting ideas to add to the class discussion," will look forward to the next opportunity to raise his/her hand in class. The husband who is told, "Your wife always quotes your opinion," will feel honored and admired by his wife, thereby encouraging him to continue earning her respect. The wife who hears, "You husband says he couldn't manage anything without you," will be happy to dig in and provide the support her husband counts on.

People long to feel acknowledged and appreciated. Praising someone to his face is one way to convey this recognition, yet there is always the lingering thought that perhaps the praise is meant "just to be nice." When a person hears that he was praised to another, the praise rings that much truer, for there can be no ulterior motive. Aaron HaKohen employed this method to foster peace and friendship among the Jewish people. He would tell each person how much the other person valued him, thereby building friendship and warmth. Often, we hear good things about someone, but fail to pass it on. It just takes a little awareness to tuck that compliment away and bring it out when it counts. Doing so takes the positive power of the comment itself and amplifies it a thousand times over, giving someone the encouragement to keep on doing what they do well, and the blessing of knowing they are appreciated.

Remember, when you hear a compliment or a positive statement about someone, you should try to pass it on to the subject of the comment.

Reproduced from Positive Word Power by the Chofetz Chaim Heritage Foundation with permission from the copyright holders at Artscroll/Mesorah Publications, LTD.