Hug

I went to daven at my brother's kever yesterday. 

On the way, I was feeling very emotional, of course. I had music on and I was crying and I was thinking, I really need a hug right now. Hashem, can you please send someone to give me a hug? I was hoping maybe I'd meet someone I know at the cemetery but honestly, what are the chances? 

I got to the cemetery and I didn't see any people or any cars. Just lots and lots of tombstones. I davened and cried a lot and unloaded a lot of emotions. 

On my way out, I stopped at the administration building to wash my hands and use the bathroom. I saw another car there with 4 women inside. They were stopping for the bathroom on their way into the cemetery. I asked them if there's anything special about today and they said it's their mother's yartzeit. So I said, "Can I give you a hug? I'm giving out free hugs." and proceeded to hug each one of them. Some of them felt a little awkward, I could tell from the way they accepted the hugs lol...then I told one of them, I asked Hashem for a hug today. So she said, now here's a hug for you! And she gave me a tight, all embracing hug. It was just what I needed.

Hashem has the power and ability to answer us, even when it seems unlikely for us to get what we asked for!

Video-Dear God

Sometimes, we have so much in our hearts that we want to express to Hashem. But we don't know how to say it. We don't have the right words.

Hashem, who created us all and knows the deepest parts of us, understands it all.

This video illustrates this idea really beautifully.

Parshas Beha'aloscha

Parshas Beha'aloscha ends with Miriam getting tzora'as. While the entire nation waited for Miriam, her brother Moshe davened. What was his tefillah? 6 words. Ana Kel Na, Refah Na La-Please Hashem, heal her. He davened a short tefillah because so many people were waiting. 

We learn from this that tefillah, chessed and spiritual growth are important but should not be done at the expense of other people. Yes, it's nice to take on extra levels in our yiddishkeit, but we need to be considerate of those around us and make sure our growth isn't causing others discomfort. And while chessed is a big mitzvah, we need to make sure our own families aren't losing out because of it.

May we be able to find the right balance when we are growing and doing good, so we are happy and those closest to us are happy as well!

After Aleinu

I recently heard this story and was so inspired by the message. It was too good and I wanted to share it.

The men were standing around waiting while the shul slowly filled up with people who were gathering to daven mincha.

As they were almost ready to begin, a young teenager ran into shul and started davening very quickly. He didn't look like he was having much concentration in his tefillos. Some of the congregants gave him a look, others snorted and some elderly men were vocal in their disdain for what they called "today's generation."

One man went so far as to approach this young boy and chastise him. "Aren't you ashamed of yourself?" The man asked. "Is this the way you walk in to shul and daven? You are an embarrassment to the whole kehillah who gathered to daven here!"

The rest of the shul was silent as they continued on with their prayers.

At the end of davening, after aleinu, all the congregants were shocked when they heard this young boy meekly raise his voice to recite kaddish yasom, a special kaddish only recited by an orphan during the first eleven months after the death of their parent.

So he's a yasom! This poor boy is an orphan!

The man who had approached him earlier with his rude comments was so embarrassed, he could barely raise his head to look at the boy. But he gathered his strength and went over to the boy to ask him for mechila.

"I just didn't know! I didn't know about your painful circumstance! I'm so very sorry..."

So many times we look at people and judge them. For their behavior, for their misbehavior or for the way they keep or don't keep certain parts of the Torah. We think they should act differently. Sometimes we keep these thoughts to ourselves and other times we actually yell at the person, all with good intentions. We want them to know that what they are doing is wrong. We want them to know we don't approve of their actions.

But so many times, we just don't know the full story.

So many times, we don't know the reason behind their behavior.

So many times, there is a very painful reason for why they are acting the way they are.

And so many times, we have to wait until "after aleinu" to be able to get a glimpse into the reason why.

It's only "after aleinu," when kaddish yasom is said that we are able to understand why. That we realize that there's pain behind the behavior.

May we be able to accept those who act differently, be understanding of their challenges and be able to give them strength and encouragement to get through the tough times so they can blossom, grow and shine.

Parshas Pinchas

Hashem told Moshe Rabbeinu to climb to the top of Har Ha'avarim so he could see Eretz Yisroel before he died. His tefillah to go into EY had not been answered positively, but he did get to see the land.

In life, we daven for many things. Sometimes we see answers clearly, and things turn out exactly the way we were hoping for. Other times, it's less clear. We need to remember that Hashem hears every tefillah and listens to every cry for help. No matter what the result of our tefillah seems to be, Hashem treasures every one and at times saves that tefillah for a later date when we will need those zechusim.

May we be able to turn to Hashem whenever we need Him and stay strong in our emunah that every tefillah has a purpose and is valuable!

Accident

I was in an accident almost two weeks ago.

I was coming off the Verrazano Bridge, driving along with the speed of traffic when the car in front of me short stopped. I couldn't stop fast enough. I knew that if I continued going straight, I'd hit the car in front of me. In order to avoid a collision, I veered a bit to the right. That's when I heard a loud noise. The truck in the right lane scraped the passenger side of my car. My mirror flew off and disappeared onto the highway, my front bumper fell off and my tire got sliced.

Baruch Hashem, nothing happened to me or to the truck driver. His truck was fine too. All I had was a small headache and a team of people to help.

First it was a police car. Someone driving by saw an accident and called 911. 

Then the tow truck came. My car was towed to a safe spot a few miles away (while I got a ride inside the police car ;). I saw the buttons that make each type of siren sound and I eyed the policeman's gun with calm trepidation.)

Next the men from the towing company (who do this as a free service for all accidents on the bridge) offered to change my tire for me. They found the spare, changed the tire, and also outfitted the front of my car with duct-tape. I now had a real yeshivish-looking car :-). It was all ready to go...straight to the mechanic for some major fixing.

I had a lot of time that day to think and reflect. 

The driver who made that short stop in front of me went on driving, having no idea what happened right behind him. 

And I thought...how many times did someone short stop behind me while I went on driving? 

I have no idea.

How many times does Hashem protect me from danger?

We daven for so many things. We sometimes wonder, Hashem, why aren't you answering my tefillos? But we don't know how many things could have happened that didn't. Because we didn't see it. 

In shemona esrei, we say, "melech ozer u'moshia u'magein"-Hashem is the King who helps, saves and protects. Magein-protect means that Hashem prevents bad things from happening. He literally protects us. And I got to see it with my own eyes. The driver in front of me was protected, and Hashem was watching over me when I drove in the left lane along the bridge the whole time. This way, the impact of the accident was on the passenger side and not on the driver's side. Had that happened chas v'shalom, I don't want to think about where I would be right now. I probably would not be sitting at home typing up this inspirational post.

Hashem was protecting me.

It made me think of the concept we all learn about in school when Hashem passed by Moshe rabbeinu while wrapped in a tallis and Moshe rabbeinu asked Hashem, "Show me your ways." He wanted to understand the ways of Hashem, why bad things happen in this world. Hashem responded, "vera'isa es achorai"-you will see My Back, but you will not see My Face. The way we always learned it was that a person can only understand why they had to go through difficulties after the experience is over. While they are in it, it is not possible to understand why. Sometimes it takes years to be able to understand. (And sometimes a person can never understand.)

Maybe it means, when you're in the back, when you're behind someone, you can see what they were saved from. But they can't see it because they are in the front. They don't have eyes behind their back!

The person driving his car in front of me had no idea what he was saved from when I short stopped on the Verrazano. 

We have no idea what Hashem is saving us from. 

We may get frustrated sometimes when we don't see our tefillos being answered. But let's remember that every single day, Hashem is protecting us from harm, watching over us with love and taking care of our needs.

May we all be safe and be able to appreciate all Hashem does for us without any terrifying stories.

Davening For Others

Although Purim is over, we can continue to take messages from this special time throughout the month of Adar...and beyond. I want to share one powerful lesson right from Megillas Esther with you.

Before Queen Esther went to face Achashveirosh, she told Mordechai she would be fasting and asked him to have the Jews fast and daven too. She had not been called by the king in 30 days and feared for her life. If he would not stick out his royal scepter in favor of his queen, she'd be put to death. It was terrifying.

At the same time, the Jews also had the threat of death hanging over their heads. As per Haman's decree, all Jews were to be killed on the fourteenth day of Adar. One reason for this terrible gezaira was because the Jews ate at the party of Achashveirosh. To be mechaper for this aveirah of eating and drinking, the Jews did not eat or drink for three days and nights. They were allowed to do other things that are forbidden on some fasts, like smearing creams and lotions because that was not part of their original sin. When they fasted and davened, they did teshuva and returned to Hashem with all their hearts, accepting the Torah upon themselves with love.

It is interesting that when Esther sent the message to Mordechai to have everyone fast, the words used are, "tzumu alay"-fast for me. Why did she say "for me"? 

We know, "hamispalel b'ad chaveiro..." if someone davens for someone else and they need the same thing, they are answered first. Why? How does this work?

In shamayim, they are so used to hearing people daven for things they need. When someone davens for another person, it makes a huge impact Up There.

When you daven for a friend, it's because you are in pain that they are having it hard. When Hashem sees that u care so much about someone else, to the extent that their pain becomes yours, that you take the time to daven for them, He looks at you and says, what about what YOU are going thru? I'm going to give you, the one davening, a yeshuah. 

Esther's message to the Mordechai was, if the Jews daven for me that I shouldn't die when I go to Achashveirosh and they are supposed to die, Hashem will save them from the decree of death! By focusing on Esther's pain and fears when they too are experiencing pain and don't know if they will live or die, Hashem will look down at them and remove the terrible gezaira from all of them.

Why do we daven for others? Because we want to have our own tefillos answered or because we genuinely care?

Why do we give tzeddakah? So that we should get the shidduch/job/yeshuah we're waiting for within a specified amount of time or because we want to become givers?

We (should) daven for others because we really care about what they are going through. We (should) give tzeddakah because we want to become more sensitive and more giving to others...not so we can get the yeshuah we are waiting for within a certain time frame.

May we be able to do good things for the right reasons, davening for others and watching those tefillos (and our own) get answered, becoming more sensitive and caring human beings.

Isn't that what life's about?

Yes, It's True!

By now, I think most (or all) of you have heard the very exciting news. But I can't let this go unpublished so I am finally sitting down to write the long awaited Mazel Tov post.

Yes, it's true! My older sister, Chaya Sara, is engaged!!

We davened, did every segulah in the book (literally!) and the time finally came.

So many thoughts come to my mind as I write this. I want to share some of them with you.

The simcha that this simcha has generated throughout our family and friends is unbelievable. The sheer joy, the excitement, the tears...the reaction of every person who found out...it was surreal. I personally have never cried tears of happiness before in my life, but when I picked up my phone to answer that "Is it really true?" question from someone who is very close to Chaya Sara, I was brought to tears. To tears of joy. The person on the other side said, "Ohmygosh, Chaya Sara bas Charna Raizel, I just took challah and said her name last night!" It touched me so deeply. So many people have been davening and doing things as a zechus for her, so many people never gave up on my sister. So many people knew that this day would come. They didn't stop davening. They didn't stop hoping. And now we can all share in this wondrous simcha together. Yes, it is true!

I got that question more than once the day she got engaged. "Is it true? Is Chaya Sara really engaged?!" My phone didn't stop ringing, beeping and buzzing. I almost felt like the kallah myself! It was incredible to feel the joy that everyone else felt, to share the excitement everyone had for my sister.

This simcha teaches us on the most personal level how every single tefillah a person davens is stored by Hashem. No tefillah ever goes to waste. If Hashem doesn't answer a prayer now, He may save that prayer for later. But every single tear a person sheds, every request he makes, every single cry he utters...every prayer that escapes his lips...is saved by Hashem.

And the Torah proves this to us.

In Parshas Vayeira, before Hashem destroyed Sedom, the passuk says, "hamechaseh ani me'Avraham asher ani oseh? V'Avraham hayo yihiyeh legoy gadol"-Hashem asked, "Can I hide from Avraham the fact that I will destroy Sedom?" And Avraham will surely be a great nation.

What is the connection between these two pesukim?

The Dubno Maggid explains this with a mashal.

An old man walked into a suit store and before he purchased a suit, he had the salesman measure him to make sure the suit would fit him perfectly. Another young man walked into the same store and without trying on anything, selected a few suits that he was going to buy. The old man walked over to the young man and asked, "I don't understand. How could you buy so many suits without trying them on to make sure they would fit? Isn't this an incredible waste of money?"
The young man answered, "I am still young. I am still growing. Whatever doesn't fit me now will fit me later. And if it will not fit me later, in the future, it will be good for my children. So no, my money is not going to waste. All these suits will be put to good use."

Now, I don't suggest that todays teenagers go shopping like this young man. Perhaps he wasn't concerned about the changing styles and the suits he was purchasing. But the nimshal of this story is clear.

Hashem knew before He told Avraham that He was going to destroy Sedom that Avraham's first reaction would be---Tefillah, he would daven. Hashem also knew that the tefillos Avraham would daven would not be answered for Sedom would be destroyed. So did these tefillos go to waste? What happened to all the bakashos Avraham made? And if Hashem didn't answer him, what was the point in telling him that He was about to destroy Sedom?

We see from here that every single tefillah a person davens is treasured and saved by Hashem. No tefillah goes to waste. Ever. Avraham davened for Sedom to be saved and Hashem took those special tefillos and saved them for his children...for the times when WE would need them.

This is the connection between the two pesukim. Hashem said, I cannot hide from Avraham that I am about to destroy Sedom. Avraham will surely be a great nation and the tefillos he davened for Sedom will be saved for his children. Just like the young man in the mashal who bought a lot of suits knew his money would be put to good use...because although some of the clothing he bought might not fit him, they would be saved for his children, Hashem knew that the tefillos Avraham davened would be put to good use, they would be saved for his children...for us.

And in my family, we lived to see this come true. All the tefillos, all the tears, all the bakashos, all the zechusim, davening at kevorim, at the candles on Friday night, from a siddur or from our hearts...every single tefillah we davened for Chaya Sara to find her zivug was treasured and saved by Hashem...and our tefillah was finally answered.

Hashem, thank you from the bottom of our collective hearts for letting all of us see and experience this awesome day. May the tefillos we davened for Chaya Sara and her chosson continue to enable them to live a beautiful and happy life, filled with peace, love, connection and may they build a warm and loving family together.

Yes, it is true!

Mazel Tov!!

Baby Talk

I wrote this last year and wanted to share the message with you again.

"Aah-pi-dee coo-key"

I'm walking back from the bus stop with my baby and my neighbor. 

"He wants me to open his bag of cookies...isn't that cute?"

"I would have no clue what he was talking about!" she says.

And I'm reminded about something I heard a while back about tefillah and the way we daven. 

When a little baby or toddler who is just learning how to talk starts to communicate in his own language, only his own parents can truly understand the things he is saying. He is not using real words yet, just a combination of sounds...but every sound has real meaning...to him. And his mother and father know exactly what he means to say with each sound that comes out of his mouth. 

But a stranger wouldn't understand at all. 

When we daven, there are times when we mumble the words, don't pronounce them correctly...and just rush through our tefillos. We can't always say the words the way they were meant to be said, with the proper pronunciation and concentration. 

After all, we are human beings.

But Hashem is our Father. And He understands the thoughts and feelings behind the words we say. He understand what we really mean to say, even if sometimes we're talking in baby talk.

He knows we really want to praise Him. He knows that we really mean to ask him for health, parnassah, refuos and yeshuos. He knows that when we go through shemona esrei and we don't really think about the meaning of every single word, we really do want to. We want to do it right. 

But sometimes we stumble. 

Sometimes we mumble.

Sometimes we don't think into the meaning of the things we are saying and asking for.

And He understands our baby talk.

But...does that mean we should stay that way? Just because He understands, should we talk like little kids? 

Of course not. 

Let's try. 

Let's grow up.

Let's work on our concentration.

On our pronunciation.

On saying our brachos and tefillos the way they were meant to be said.

Because even though Hashem understands that we mean a lot more than "baruchata...borei minaymezonos..." or "selachlanu...mechalanu", we might as well put in the effort and talk big...like adults...like a professional businessman. Like someone who knows his stuff. 

Hashem is always listening. He understands our innermost thoughts and feelings...even when we can't express them in words.

But when it's time to daven, when it's time to say our brachos, when it's time to bench, to ask Hashem for things we need and thank Him for the things He gives us, let's try to do it right.

Enough with the baby talk. It's cute...but at some point we need to grow up.

I open the bag of cookies for my baby and he spills most of it on the floor. But I understand. He's just a baby. He asks for things and he can't even enjoy all of it. But I'm his mother...and so I give.

Hashem knows us so much better. He knows what is good for us, what we need...and what we want...and when the time is right for us to get it. He is our Father...and He gives us...so much good.

May you be able to express yourself properly with the words of your tefillos and brachos...and mature in your tefillos from baby talk to big-girl talk!

Tefillah-Our Essence

A friend of mine emailed the following thought that was passed on to her. Someone heard at a shuir from Rav Tzvi Meyer Zilberstein’s sister.

כי האדם עץ השדה, man-אדם is compared to a tree. The three letters which make up the  word adam are aleph, daled and mem. If we take the inner hidden letters of the word אדם , not the actual letters of אדם  but the remaining hidden letters of those three letters
אלף – the lamed and peh from the word aleph
דלת – the lamed and the taf  from the word daled
מם –  the second mem from the word mem
we are left with the word – מתפלל.
Tefilla is the pnimiyus of Adam, it is our sap and Tefilla has to come from our p'nim and be an avodah shebalev. The more Tefilla is drawn from the depth of our heart, the more powerful it is.
Deep inside the neshama of אדם- he longs to come close to Hashem, and the way to do that is through Tefilla.

What a beautiful thought. 

R' Shimshon Pincus expounds on this throughout his sefer, She'arim B'Tefillah (which has been translated into English, Gates of Prayer). 

Hashem implanted within the nature of the world that when someone is suffering, they call out for help so they will be protected them from harm. If someone screams out for help when they are in trouble, it will arouse the mercy of those close to them and they will rush to their aid.

If you take this on a bit of a deeper level, you can understand something more profound. Any time someone screams, it is really a call-out of tefillah. When someone lacks something, when they are in pain, they call out for help. And their call is really directed to the only One who can help them. 

Even when someone is alone and there is no one around to help, if they feel they are in danger, they will let out a yell. Imagine someone climbing a ladder and it starts to wobble. There is no one around, no one to call out to. But, they will still let out a piercing scream. To Whom is this scream directed? It is a scream that's very source is that of connection, of yearning, of wishing and hoping they will stay safe-even if there is no one at the foot of the ladder to keep it steady. They are calling out to the only One who has the power to keep them safe.

The essence of each person, the inner core, is one of connection. 

Hashem created each of us with many things that are lacking. Although we are very blessed and we have been given so much good, we are lacking in different ways and we feel it daily. Parking spots (especially in this weather!), the need to arrive somewhere on time, safe driving, success at school or work, health for minor and major illnesses, success in our day-to-day lives, we always need something from Hashem. 

Does a day ever go by where you felt that every single thing went right and you didn't need anything from Hashem? 

There's a reason why Hashem made it this way. There is a purpose. 

Since a person knows that Hashem is the only One who can help him, He will naturally direct his call to the Source, the One who has the Power to help him, to save him, to get him out of any predicament. 

Sometimes we need more energy, sometimes we need more strength, sometimes we need things to just go right. We all need some sort of salvation. And Hashem is the One who can bring it about.

When things are hard, when things are going wrong, dig into your soul, into your essence. You were created with an ability and a desire to connect. It is in you. It is part of your makeup. Hashem made you this way so that you will be able to achieve d'veikus, a true, close bond with Him. A connection that can become so strong, if you only tap into your inner self and utilize your moments of need to talk to the One who can help.

May you be able to use the times of need to connect to Hashem and may you be able to get closer to Him on even deeper levels than you've already reached. May you be able to use the good times as an opportunity to open your heart and talk to Hashem, by thanking Him for the blessings you have and may you not need the tough times to get you to draw closer to Him.

Purim Katan

Purim Katan is tonight, Thursday night and tomorrow, Friday.

The Dvar Torah below, emailed to me by a friend of mine, is from Rav Avraham Schorr Shlita regarding the power of tefillah on Purim Katan.

He quoted a Chidushei Harim that explained a reason for the mitzvah of "chayav inush lbisumei bepuryah", the mitzvah of drinking on Purim.

He told a story that happened in the times of the Bal Shem Tov. There was a terrible decree against the Jews, everybody prayed and did various mitzvos but nothing changed and the decree was still in place. Finally, the Bal Shem Tov instructed one of his followers to go to a distant town and find a certain drunkard and bring him back to the Bal Shem Tov. The messenger was advised not to allow the drunkard to drink so that he would be sober when he was brought to the Bal Shem Tov. When the drunkard was brought to the Bal Shem Tov, he asked the drunkard for a bracha that the decree be abolished, he gave a bracha and immediately the decree was annulled.

The Bal Shem Tov explained to his close followers that this person had done an unbelievable mitzvah of saving a girl; the mitzvah of Pidyon Shevuyim and in shamayim they were so moved that it was decreed that whatever this person would ask for would be granted immediately. Suddenly in shamayim there was a big debate, how can a simple person be given such unbelievable power of blessing? Maybe he will use it for the wrong things! So they decreed that he would be a drunkard all the time so he would not even realize this power that was given to him.

"The Chidushei Harim explained that on Purim there is a law that "kol haposhet yad nosnin". Anyone who asks, you have to give. This is true also regarding praying, when we daven to Hashem he has to answer our requests. So to counter this unbelievable power of prayer, the chachomim made the law of drinking on Purim so that we don't use the day for praying for the wrong things. The Chidushei Harim continues that if somebody feels that he wants to be smarter then the chachomim and he won't drink and will sit and daven all day long, he is wrong for not listening to the chachomim." (I am not getting into the issue of drinking vs. not drinking on Purim over here. I am just repeating the dvar torah the way it was sent to me. :))

There is a mishna in megillah that says "ein bain adar rishon l'adar shenie ele krias megillah umatonas levyonim bilvad"; there is no difference between the first adar and the second adar only that you can not do your obligation of reading megillah and presents for the poor.
The power of prayer remains exactly the same; however, by the first adar the rabbis did not make an obligation to drink.

So here we have a day that has the tremendous power of prayer and the chachomim did not counter it with an obligation to drink.

Let us use this Friday to daven to Hashem for all the right things, klal yisroel is living through difficult times and there are many things to daven for...we should be all be zoche to see moshiach bmihera byomeinu.

Today is a powerful day. May you use it well and may Hashem answer your tefillos. 

A Parshah Poem

I wrote this last year and wanted to share it with you once more.

Parshas Shemos
The Jews enslaved
Tortured
Hit
Put to work
Backbreaking labor
Not much time to think
Just work work work
No time for a drink
No time for much
Except work
Gather materials
Keep moving
Keep going
Keep working
No stopping.

In between
The schlepping
The dragging
The pulling
A Jew lets out
A sigh
A sigh of pain
Of emotion
Of despair
Of prayer.

No time to talk
No time to express
Real prayer
So instead
Vayei'anchu
They groaned
They sighed
Vayiz'aku
They cried
They expressed
That which real words
Cannot express.


And Hashem
He heard
Vata'al shav'asam
Their outcry
Their deep expression of pain
Went up
Rose up
To the highest Heavens
And He heard
Their unspoken words
Their sigh
Their groans.
Their cries
Spoke volumes
That only Hashem
Could hear
Could really know
The meaning behind
The depth of
Their pain.

The message
We all
Can take
Is the same.
Hashem knows
Hashem hears
Your unspoken words
When pain is too strong
To talk
To express
Real words of prayer
He still hears
The silent whisper
The silent voice
Behind each sigh
Behind each cry
Direct it to Him
He hears
He knows
He understands
And He listens.
Always.

Much has changed
Since the time
We spent
In mitzrayim
We are not tortured
Oppressed
Put to work
Forced labor
But we go through
Moments
Experiences
Of pain
It's the same
We're the same
Jew
Inside
We turn to Hashem
Our Father
In those moments
Of despair
Of pain
Of emotion
In prayer
With that same sigh
With that same cry
Because
He listens.
Always.

Fwd: Fwd: Fwd:

We've all gotten one of them at some point. A text or email asking us to daven for someone who is sick. 

What is your natural reaction to one of those forwards? Do you pass it on? Do you say tehillim first? Do you just delete the message?

There are some people who are quick to pass on tehillim names. The email or text comes in, they pass it on and feel satisfied that they did theirs. They may even forget to say the perek because they were busy figuring out which ten people (or more if they really want to feel righteous :)) they could pass the name on to.

I have a problem with tehillim forwards. 

They have made us so callous. Unfortunately, they are sent around so often that it's hard to take heart. To see each name as an individual. As a person suffering who really needs our tefillos. 

There are times that emails are sent around and around and around without verifying where they came from and if the person still needs those tefillos. It is sad. I personally have gotten tehillim names after a person passed away r"l or after the person was healed. I've gotten emails about the surgery that was going to be "TODAY" in big bold letters...and I've had to scroll down through names and email addresses, only to see that the surgery took place a week and a half before.

So I decided to do what I think makes sense. I don't forward tehillim names unless I know-firsthand-who the person is and what their condition is. 

I'm not so rigid though. If a friend is passing on a name and she can speak to someone who knows the choleh firsthand, I'll pass it on too. The main thing is that the name shouldn't become another one on the list that is just mumbled without feeling. I don't need specific details of how the person is doing, I just need to get some kind of update so I know whether or not the person still needs those tefillos. 

So what about all those forwards?

I don't pass them on.

Instead, I say one perek of tehillim for that person and pray to Hashem that he/she be healed. 

Passing on the names without knowing anything about the person makes it so cheap. We don't value the person behind the tehillim name anymore. We don't feel with them.

Of course, there is something special about the way we can pass on a name within minutes and how people stop whatever they are doing to daven for someone who is sick. 

But at what cost?

We have lost our hearts.

We have lost the feeling behind a name. 

We have lost the personal touch.

When we were little girls in elementary or high school and someone came in and wrote their grandfather's name on the blackboard, we all davened with such fervor, with such intensity, begging Hashem to heal our fellow classmate's grandfather. 

Now? 

Names are passed around like old news.

And it's sad. 

Sad that our hearts have become hardened. Sad that we don't take on each name we hear with the seriousness and emotion it deserves.

But what can we do?

We get too many names, too many forwards, r"l and the list keeps growing. And we have no idea who sent it and why we are saying tehillim for each specific choleh.

When we know what their situation is, it makes it so much more real to us...and we could daven with more feeling.

I don't know if there is a solution to this. Unfortunately, there are so many names, so many people who need our tefillos...and we are not capable of healing them.

But there is one thing we can try to do. 

We can try to connect to the ones we do know. We can daven for the sick people we do feel connected to...and beg Hashem, the only One who can, to heal them.

As for the other names that are passed around, I think it is best to say a perek for them and ask the one who sent it if they can give you updates so you can know if you need to keep davening. 

Please, let's try not to make these names just another name. Forwarding tehillim names non-stop takes away the heart. Say your perek. Don't forward just to feel good about yourself. It only cheapens the growing list of cholim. It chips away at the emotions in our hearts and holds us back from feeling along with those who are fighting to live.

May Hashem have rachmanus on all the sick children, parents, grandparents...on every single patient and may He heal each of them with a complete refuah shelaima. 
May He listen to the heartfelt tefillos of those who are davening for these cholim and let them experience nissim-so they can show the doctors, nurses and medical staff who really runs the world and how powerful our tefillos are!

Baby Talk

"Aah-pi-dee coo-key"

I'm walking back from the bus stop with my baby and my neighbor. 

"He wants me to open his bag of cookies...isn't that cute?"

"I would have no clue what he was talking about!" she says.

And I'm reminded about something I heard a while back about tefillah and the way we daven. 

When a little baby or toddler who is just learning how to talk starts to communicate in his own language, only his own parents can truly understand the things he is saying. He is not using real words yet, just a combination of sounds...but every sound has real meaning...to him. And his mother and father know exactly what he means to say with each sound that comes out of his mouth. 

But a stranger wouldn't understand at all. 

When we daven, there are times when we mumble the words, don't pronounce them correctly...and just rush through our tefillos. We can't always say the words the way they were meant to be said, with the proper pronunciation and concentration. 

After all, we are human beings.

But Hashem is our Father. And He understands the thoughts and feelings behind the words we say. He understand what we really mean to say, even if sometimes we're talking in baby talk.

He knows we really want to praise Him. He knows that we really mean to ask him for health, parnassah, refuos and yeshuos. He knows that when we go through shemona esrei and we don't really think about the meaning of every single word, we really do want to. We want to do it right. 

But sometimes we stumble. 

Sometimes we mumble.

Sometimes we don't think into the meaning of the things we are saying and asking for.

And He understands our baby talk.

But...does that mean we should stay that way? Just because He understands, should we talk like little kids? 

Of course not. 

Let's try. 

Let's grow up.

Let's work on our concentration.

On our pronunciation.

On saying our brachos and tefillos the way they were meant to be said.

Because even though Hashem understands that we mean a lot more than "baruchata...borei minaymezonos..." or "selachlanu...mechalanu", we might as well put in the effort and talk big...like adults...like a professional businessman. Like someone who knows his stuff. 

Hashem is always listening. He understands our innermost thoughts and feelings...even when we can't express them in words.

But when it's time to daven, when it's time to say our brachos, when it's time to bench, to ask Hashem for things we need and thank Him for the things He gives us, let's try to do it right.

Enough with the baby talk. It's cute...but at some point we need to grow up.

I open the bag of cookies for my baby and he spills most of it on the floor. But I understand. He's just a baby. He asks for things and he can't even enjoy all of it. But I'm his mother...and so I give.

Hashem knows us so much better. He knows what is good for us, what we need...and what we want...and when the time is right for us to get it. He is our Father...and He gives us...so much good.

May you be able to express yourself properly with the words of your tefillos and brachos...and mature in your tefillos from baby talk to big-girl talk!

Lag Ba'omer-Tefillah With Tears

Lag Ba’omer is a day of great simcha and joy. What is the reason for our happiness on this day?

We all know that it is the day that Rebbe Akiva’s talmidim stopped dying and it is also the day that Rebbe Shimon Bar Yochai was niftar. 

We fast on Gimmel Tishrei-Tzom Gedalia, because it was the day that the tzaddik of the generation, Gedalia, was niftar. Why then, on the day that the tzaddik Rebbe Shimon died, are we happy?

Rebbe Shimon revealed the Zohar, the sod-secrets of the Torah, on this day. It says “pekudei Hashem yesharim mesamchei lev”-the laws of Hashem are just and gladden the heart. Since this was the day that a deeper level of Torah was revealed, it is a day of tremendous inner simcha.

*   *   *

R’ Shimon’s parents, Yochai and Sara did not have children for many years. At a certain point, they planned to get divorced after Rosh Hashana of the coming year. On Rosh Hashana, Yochai had a dream. He was sitting near a tree and saw other trees around him being watered while his tree was watered with a special keili, a special pitcher.

He went to his rebbe, R’ Akiva and asked him for the meaning of his dream.

R’ Akiva told him, “There was a malach watering the trees of those who will have children in the coming year. Your wife is an akarah and cannot have children. However, since she davened and cried to Hashem with tears from her heart, the malach used a special pitcher containing all her tears and watered your tree. And this year, you will be blessed with a child!

And that was the year that little Shimon was born…who later became Rebbe Shimon bar Yochai.

We see from here the tremendous power of not just tefillah, but tefillah with tears. When someone davens to Hashem from their heart-whether it is with a siddur or without one-and they cry, those tefillos are extra special. They carry extra weight. 

So as we turn up the sound on the music we can finally listen to and our hearts fill with joy, let us remember the meaning behind this happy time. We are rejoicing because of the special depth of Torah that was revealed on this day. We are preparing ourselves for the giving of the Torah-the source of our inner happiness.

And let us remember that no matter what happens, a Jew can always daven to Hashem. When things are difficult and we cry out to Him, realize how much our He treasures our tears. Our tefillos are precious, Hashem wants to hear us and He does listen to us, at all times.

May you be able to feel true happiness and feel that close connection to Hashem always. Never stop davening for the things you are waiting for-and may you experience yeshuos in your personal life!