Parshas Shemini

The pig is non kosher even though it has one of the qualities of a kosher animal. When it stands, it sticks out its split hooves as if to show off and say, "Look at me! I have one sign!" 

Hashem has gifted each of us with many things. We shouldn't feel the need to flaunt the good we have. When we are satisfied with our blessings and acknowledge that our talents come from Hashem, we won't need to show off. We can feel grateful and even share the good we have with others!

May we be able to use the good we have been blessed with to bring happiness to other people and never feel the need to flaunt the extras that we have!

Parshas Tzav

The korban todah was given to express gratitude to Hashem. It had to be eaten on the day it was sacrificed. It couldn't be left to eat for the following day. 

We should not wait to show people our appreciation for the things they do. When feeling grateful, we should express it right away. We never know when our last chance will be...and we don't want to look back and regret the things we never said. 

May we be able to be open and expressive to all the people who we appreciate and may we always feel grateful to Hashem for the good He blesses us with!

Purim Poem-Lottery

Here's my Purim Poem for this year. Enjoy the message!

Purim is here, a day of happiness and fun for all,

We dress up in costumes whether big or small.

Yet there is a deeper message in this special day,

About connecting to Hashem in a truly meaningful way.

The name פורים comes from פור, which means raffle or lottery,

And that is a random selection, that’s what it seems to be.

But the תורה tells us that a raffle is an expression

Of what Hashem wants to tell us, it’s His specific instruction.

The two goats on יום כיפור as well as dividing ארץ ישרא-ל among the tribes,

Were done byגורל  to see what were Hashem’s true vibes!

And whenיונה  was in the boat that was twisting and turning,

Lots were cast to see who was at fault for all that churning.

So the message we can take is that things that seem random,

Are all part of the bigger picture of details working in tandem!

And on Purim we are supposed to look for Hashem in everyday things,

And appreciate the many gifts we have from the King of all kings.

When we go shopping and there is more than enough at the store,

We should know that Hashem set aside one for us and there’s extra, there’s more!

It’s only when there’s just one left of the very thing we need,

That we take the time to thank Him, oh yes indeed.

We learn this from when רבקה metיצחק  for the very first time,

And if we look closely, we’ll see the תורה records a very curious line.

ויצא יצחק לשוח בשדה –The walk was in גן עדן, a very holy place,

And then ותפל מעל הגמל-Rivka fell off the camel and covered her face.

The reason she fell was because she saw him walking-yes-upside down,

His feet were in the air and his hands were on the ground!

Why was he walking in such an unusual way?

Because He represented finding Hashem in the earthly, regular and everyday.

So on Purim, it’s thisונהפוך הוא , an unusual way to connect,

We thank Hashem for the “random” bounty with which we are blessed!

He hides Himself in the plenty so it takes effort to notice and see,

That the things He gives us are a gift for each of us individually!

This is the message from the name פורים which means lottery,

That nothing is random, it’s just that Hashem is hidden, we cannot see

And on this day we should look out and try to find Him in the regular things

So we can connect with gratitude and happiness to the King of all kings!

A Freilichen Purim!

Parshas Va'eira

The purpose of the makkos, besides for punishing the Egyptians, was to reinforce that Hashem is actively involved in running the world. It is because of His will that water flows in rivers and blood flows in our bodies.  

Although we do not see the kind of miracles Hashem performed in mitzrayim, we can look out for Him and find Him in our everyday lives. We can notice and appreciate our healthy bodies. We can marvel at how we met someone who was able to help us at the exact moment we needed them. When things work out smoothly for us, we should acknowledge and thank Hashem for being actively involved in every part of our lives.

May we notice Hashem's perfect hand in the good things that click into place just when we need them!

Grateful

His first day was great
How much I appreciate
His rebbe's hard work
His approach
He will coach
His talmidim
Help them learn new skills
On their knowledge they will build
Using contests, charts
Stickers,
Prizes too
Whatever it takes
To get his boys to
Learn
Challenge themselves
Strengthen their skills
Build upon them
And keep learning
With excitement
Enthusiasm
And love for
Torah
Mitzvos
Work on middos
Listen to stories
He will do it all
He will teach
They will absorb
My son absorbs
He is eager
To learn
Excited to advance
Push himself
Further
I am so grateful
A new start
A good beginning
A great beginning
Thank you, Hashem
Thank you for the good
Thank you for a good start
Thank you for a good click
Between my son
And his rebbe
Thank you for
The sparkle in his eyes
When he tells me,
"Rebbe said......."
Thank you for
The things I hear
When he tells me
What his favorite thing was
Today
Davening
(Wow, so special)
Playing outside
(Okay, he's normal :))
And for a rebbe who is willing
To work
To change things
So my son can be
Happy
Feel satisfied
That he is learning
At a good pace
And when he said
His least favorite part
Of the day
Was
Benching
(With a nervous look on his face)
And he told me why
'Cuz the boys go too fast at the end
At the part he isn't familiar with yet
He didn't learn it
At his summer camp 
So I sent a note
Asking if the class 
Could go slower
He did it
Right away
And the next day
The very next day
My big boy said
He was able to bench
Together
With everyone else
'Cuz rebbe went slower
Today
Thank you, Hashem
For every day
With this rebbe
Who ignites his heart
With a fire
A passion
A love for
His learning
Torah
And mitzvos
I am grateful
And I keep davening
That it will
Continue
This way
Every day.

She's a Gift

It's the seventh night of Chanukah.

Four years ago, on this day, I gave birth to a delicious little girl. We named her Chaya Gitty and she already personifies her name. Full of life and full of goodness, I sometimes wonder if she can be too good. But then I see her acting like a regular, normal, healthy little girl, doing things girls her age should do and I smile inside. She is a gift.

Every child is a gift. It sometimes passes us by and we are too busy to take the time to notice it, but on this day I take a few minutes to think and to be grateful. Grateful to Hashem for giving us such a precious little girl who lights up our home with so much sunshine and joy.

The cute things this little girl says, the way she shares and plays, the amount she absorbs and understands, the purity and innocence of her young heart, every bit of it is something to be grateful for.

And she's so happy. So simply happy. What does it take to make a little girl excited? A new doll. And not a huge 18 inch American Girl Doll (even though she'd be thrilled til the sky to have one of those!), just a teeny little Polly Pocket or a small six inch doll. She doesn't expect much and she's happy with the little things she gets.

What do we expect? 

What happens when things don't turn out the way we anticipated?

Do we pull through, coming out stronger? Or do we succumb because it's just too hard and our dreams have been shattered?

We all have dreams. 

We plan our lives the way we expect them to turn out.

And sometimes, sometimes life just doesn't follow that script. The imaginary life we thought we'd live...with all the hopes and dreams packed into one little fairy tale...turns out to be so different...so much more challenging...yet so much more real.

It's a chance for us to become more real. To discover our essence. To appreciate our strengths and work through our weaknesses so we can become a different person. Stronger, better, more connected...and more whole.

It's okay to wish, to dream...and even to expect to some degree.

But we have to know that Hashem has a better plan. 

Even if it doesn't seem all that wonderful in the moment. 

He has a reason, there is a purpose, and one day, we may even get a glimpse, a little peek, a little bit of understanding. 

It takes work to accept, to let go of the dreams and to create a new reality with the life and challenges we have been given.

But at the end, we will feel happy inside.

To my sweet and precious little girl, I continue to daven and hope that your life continue to be this happy. That you keep that innocence and purity with you for a long time. That you keep being that good little girl, with the right balance of giving and sharing but standing up for yourself when you need to. That the passion you have for doing mitzvos, davening and learning more never leave you...and that you follow on the right path with love every day of your life.

Hashem, I thank you for giving us such a wonderful gift. I can't imagine my family without my little Chaya Gitty in it. And on her birthday, as I take the time to reflect on how lucky I am to have her in our family, I ask you to please give me the strength to take care of her (and all of them), the ability to make the right decisions, and the knowledge I need to be mechanech all of my children to stay on this beautiful and special path we have started on. Let my home be infused with spirituality, positivity and happiness every single day.

Happy Birthday, CG! 

And Happy Chanukah to all!

Problems

While going through my 10th grade journal full of articles and poems I wrote for writing class, I found the following. I wanted to share it with you. 

Did you ever think about how bad life is?

We have so many problems.

Little kids have problems. They scraped their knee. Their friend didn't share their snack with them. They didn't get a red smiley sticker. They couldn't stay up until 8:00 like their big brother. Their arts and crafts ripped. They couldn't wear their favorite dress today. They didn't get a red lollipop. They left their snack at home. They weren't picked for Shabbos Mommy. Their Morah didn't let them be chazanis. They didn't have a stationary collection like the rest of their class.

Teenagers have problems. They failed a test. They didn't get into dance for the school play. Their teacher looked at them the wrong way. They have 15 detentions. They have ugly braces. Their haircut didn't come out good. They don't have "any" clothing. They have too much homework and no free time. They didn't get accepted to camp. They have politics. They have no talents. They have too many boring teachers who just cant understand why they always fall asleep during class. They just found another pimple and they are so ugly. They are so fat and must go on a massive diet. They cant get the phone at night so they have no time to "socialize."

Some people have problems, lo aleinu. They lost a parent. They have a sick child who needs constant care. Their best friend was killed in a suicide bombing. They lost a child. They are struggling to put bread on the table. They have a relative fighting in the war against Iraq. They have a special child who must have expensive therapy to continue. And the list goes on and on and never ends.

Now look at these problems and see how much you have.

You have a pure neshama returned to you every morning. You wake up each morning to a beautiful sunrise. You have eyes that see the beauty of nature. You have ears that hear all the everyday sounds that are taken for granted. You have clean air to breath and food to eat. You have a brain that works. You have a roof over your head. You have loving parents. You have siblings who care about you and friends to lean on. You have a beautiful world to live in. think about this and think about where it's coming from. Acknowledge who it's coming from and thank Him. If not, Hashem will have to make you acknowledge it using another method.

One last question I have for you: Did you ever think about how good life is?

Breaking Habits

Today, vav Shvat is my hebrew birthday.

Last year, on my birthday, I took something really small upon myself. I wanted to break a habit. I wanted to stop doing something I've been doing for years. I started on my birthday and continued with my progress daily. The first few weeks were hard. I would keep slipping up...and every time I'd catch myself I'd remind myself to stop.

With time, I would slip less and less often. I'm not sure exactly how much time it took, but by  now I can say that I officially broke that habit. And it's a good feeling.

Growth in Judaism must be done in baby steps. We hear it all the time. The trick is to act on it. To take that first step towards change.

In her book, The Committed Marriage, Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis talks about the concept of shteiging, of constantly developing ourselves and our characters and growing in our relationships. She quotes her husband who explained this concept so well. If you were told to read the phone book and remember all the names, addresses and telephone numbers, you would give up immediately. However, if someone asked you to memorize just one name, one address, and one telephone number every day, you would do it easily and you would be able to retain that information.

The same is true with changing ourselves, our habits and our personalities. If we thought about the person we want to become one day-the ideal perfect person we want to be-it would be too overwhelming and we would probably give up before we even started. On the other hand, if we were to make one little change, take on one little mitzvah, work on one bad habit and do it one day at a time, we would be able to master it. We would be able to make real changes. The trick is to do it slowly. One day at a time, one thing at a time.

On my birthday, I realize that change can happen. I look back at this past year and I see how much has changed, how much I have changed. When I try to look ahead, I feel overwhelmed. The coming year is full of uncertainties and unknowns. I daven to Hashem to help me become a better me, the me that I am meant to be...and I know that I will have to take the steps to change slowly and I can only do it with His help.

My birthday is also a time for me to reflect on the brachos Hashem has given me and to thank Him for them. Hashem has given me the greatest gift of all...the gift of life, the gift of a family, my precious children. They are all intertwined. I don't know where I would be without my adorable little kids who keep me going, push my buttons, make me laugh and cry and overwhelm me with stress and gratitude and everything in between. I am so grateful for them. 

I have learned so many lessons this year. Hashem helped me strengthen my trust in Him in so many ways. Although I don't ask for challenges, when I look back and see how they have affected me, I can appreciate the growth and change that came about because of them. No, I don't want any more tests. But I know that I am not the same person I was a year ago...and that is because of the life Hashem is playing out for me...and because He is strengthening me and helping me every step of the way. I believe in Him more, I trust in Him more and (I hope) I talk to Him and connect to Him even more than before.

On my birthday, I like to give my readers a bracha. So...here goes :)

May each of you be able to zero in on the things you know you need to change and take small and steady steps to be able to break bad habits and start good ones. May you feel Hashem at your side, helping you become the person you want to be. When you feel your strength waning, may you feel Hashem strengthening you-because change is harddd...and even with small steps, you will still need His help to keep at it.

May you be able to notice and appreciate the good you have been given and may Hashem continue to shower you with so much bracha and good things. He should keep each of you happy and healthy always and give you many reasons to keep thanking Him.

Almost every person is awaiting a yeshuah of some sort. Whatever it is that you are waiting for, whether it is health, parnassah, a shidduch, a job, children, shalom bayis, nachas from children, clarity in your purpose in life, answers to tough questions, an end to stressful times, family harmony and peace, Hashem should send that yeshuah so soon. Keep davening for the things you are waiting for. May that connection to Hashem get stronger and not weaker, may that bond never be severed and may you be able to see Hashem answer your tefillos in the best possible way.

And...as easy as it is for me to give out brachos, that's how easily Hashem should make them happen! It's easier for Him to make those changes than it is for me to type up this blog post! :-)

Birthday wishes, brachos, cake, chocolate and ice cream...I take all of those! :-)

Modeh Ani

The sun slowly lights up the black sky
Beautiful colors of red, orange and yellow
Mixed with shades of pink and purple too
Slowly, she yawns, stretches, rubs her eyes
Opening them slowly

Modeh Ani
She whispers
Thank you, Hashem
For giving me
Another chance
Another day
Another beginning

Yesterday...is over
To learn from mistakes

Tomorrow...is uncertain
Full of questions and worries

But today...today is here
To try again
To work hard
To live

Modeh Ani
She says
Thank you, Hashem
For giving me
Another day
Another breath
Of life
Of the greatest gift

Thank you, Hashem
For believing in me
Once more
For waking me up
Once more
And for...
Another day
Another chance
To begin again
Or continue where I left off
With new energy
With new perspective

Thank you, Hashem
For allowing me
To try again
To try to change
To try to work
To try to smile

Thank you, Hashem
For waking me up
Again

Thank you, Hashem
For the life you've given me

It may be tough
Some days
It may be rough
Other days
It may be hard
Sometimes
But...you believe in me
And so...you breathe into me
The greatest gift
The gift of life

Modeh Ani
She sings
Thank you, Hashem
For another morning
Another day
Another chance
To try
And...to live

Simple Pleasures

The morning sun
A new day, a new beginning
A good nights sleep
The most adorable children
A tasty breakfast
Fresh, clean clothing to wear
The cutest clothes for my little girl
Ears-I can hear my kids converse
They talk to each other like little adults
Energy-I need so much energy to take care of them
And I have it...usually (!!)
We made the school bus...again

Thank you...Hashem.

I can see
I can drive
I can think
I can park
And I do.
I find parking! :)

Thank you...Hashem.

My head works well
I can figure out solutions
Help other people
While I work
Things work out
My work day ends
Time for part two
I make it home in time
In time for my kids and their bus

Thank you...Hashem.

The kids have so much energy
They have so much to say
About their day
Supper-it works
The kids eat their food
Not all of it
But they eat

Thank you...Hashem

They take their baths nicely
Even spill some water out of the tub
But that's all part of the fun
The fun of having little kids
Little kids to take care of
To love
To hug
To kiss
To sing to
To get annoyed with :)
And to discipline
Wrap them in towels
Wrap them in hugs
They get into pajamas nicely
Play a little bit
And then it's bedtime
We say Shema, sing some songs
Give lots of kisses, and sing some more
Close the door...
The kids drift off
Yeah...right!
What a night!
But it's worth it...
Because I have them
And wouldn't trade them
For anything
Anything in the world
The house is quiet...eventually
Time for my night
To begin
I begin to write...
This
Instead of doing
Working
Cleaning
I take some time
To think
To thank
To think about
And to thank
Hashem
For the simple pleasures
For the little things
He has given me
I am...so blessed

Thank you...Hashem.

Kislev-My Miracles

One of the things I learned from my mother was the importance of expressing gratitude. Not just for the big things but for the little things as well...because they may not be so little. She was very big on thank you cards, sending them out often to those who did favors for her.

Even after my brother Shalom a"h, was niftar, my mother expressed her appreciation to all those who assisted in trying to save his life-the main lifeguard in camp who came running to the scene after he fell from the tree, the assistant lifeguards, the rebbe who said shema with him in the hospital in his last moments...all of them received thank you cards in the mail after my brother passed away. She wanted them to know that our family did not chas v'shalom blame them for not working hard enough and that we were sure they all did their utmost in trying to save Shalom's life...and that this was a decree from Hashem and we were accepting it. They were in no way at fault. And she used those thank you cards to put her feelings into words.

She was always thanking our teachers, the school staff, the delivery guy, the neighbor who did her a favor. She said thank you to the car service driver, giving him a tip, even though this was his job. She'd thank the cashier as she left with her bags....everyone. She took note of every single thing, little and big and showed her hakaras hatov. And I took this lesson from her and try to carry it with me wherever I go.

Just yesterday, I received a phone call from my son's school. A phone call I've been waiting for ever since the beginning of the school year. The person on the other line confirmed that everything was in place and some important paperwork we were waiting for finally went through. Things should be smooth from here on.

Interestingly, the day before I got this phone call, as I left my son's school building knowing I was still waiting, I turned to Hashem and said, "Hashem, that's it. This is in your hands. We did whatever we could and there's nothing else that could be done. Now I'm turning to you and relying on you completely. Please...make this work out already...make it happen soon. How much longer can we wait for this?" 

The next day, I got that phone call...my own, personal miracle.

And after I got that phone call, I sat down and penned the following,

Here's a little note to say thank you,
For all the behind-the-scenes work that you do.
We don't usually get to see the details,
And we don't know exactly what your job entails.
But for us - you worked hard, giving up was not an option
And for that we'd like to express our deepest appreciation.
You kept trying - calling and emailing too,
You listened to our (almost) daily question of "anything new?"
And now that all the paperwork finally came through,
We have two words for you-Thank You!

How much time did it take me to write that? Just a couple of minutes. But do I know how much that thank you means to the one who put in all the work for us?

I learned this from my mother-to take a few minutes to express my appreciation in this way.

***

Just that same evening, something happened that made my heart stop beating. It still continues pounding every time I think about it and replay those few moments in my mind.

I was home alone with my children and was busy in the kitchen when I heard my little baby, who is at the crawling stage, start screaming. I ran into the next room and saw the front door-the door right above my staircase, wide open. My heart froze. I stood at the top of the staircase and for a split-second I knew he fell down the long flight of stairs. 

I was wrong.

I looked down the steps...but he was not there. Then I saw a flash of orange-he was right at the top of the staircase! He was lying up side down, with his head on the third step from the top and his feet on the second step-right where the staircase starts to turn. Had he chas v'shalom been one step lower, where the staircase leads straight down...I can't imagine where I'd be at this moment. But I wouldn't be here typing up this blog post.

I scooped up my baby and hugged him so tightly, my hands trembling and shaking. I kissed him and cried knowing that I just experienced my own little miracle.

I felt like...this is what I needed right now. I needed this two second scare as a reminder of what I have and what I need to appreciate. I have three little miracles in my care, three precious little children. Although it's true that Hashem watches over them, over me, every minute of the day, it took this to show me just how closely He is watching over my family.

Today is Rosh Chodesh Kislev. It is the month of miracles. The month when we experienced the miracle of Chanukah-of light in the darkness. 

May you each experience your own personal miracles this month and may you feel Hashem illuminating your path, illuminating your life. May the darkness you've experienced be transformed into light and may you be blessed to notice and appreciate the miracles in your life...because the small miracles...they are really big.

A gutten chodesh.