Parshas Mishpatim

We are told not to cause pain to geirim-converts because "you were strangers in mitzrayim." Since we know what it's like to be a newcomer, we need to be more sensitive to those who are new to Judaism. 

Our life experiences help us become more sensitive to other people in similar situations. If we know that when we are super busy (with a simcha, moving to a new house or while someone close to us is sick lo aleinu,) there's no time to eat, we can send food to a friend when they are overwhelmed with life. We can apply this to so many areas in our lives, as long as we look out for and notice when people need us to step in and be there for them. 

May we able to use our intuition that comes with life experience to always be on the giving end!

Parshas Bo

One of the last makkos was that of darkness. When the darkness was so heavy and so thick, the mitzriyim couldn't even move. They became paralyzed. 

When a person is going through a dark time in their life, they can become paralyzed. They can't think clearly and the small things become overwhelming for them. We should try to be the light for them, to illuminate their path by listening to them when they need to talk and by helping in whatever way we can. We should try to by being a good support for them on an emotional and physical level whenever we can.

May we be able to use our capabilities to bring light into the lives of those who are going through hardships and may we always be on the giving end!

Parshas Re'ay

After working for 6 years, a Jewish slave must be freed and given generous gifts when he leaves. The Torah says, remember that you were once slaves in mitzrayim. You know what it feels like to be strangers in an unknown land. 

We see that we should use our past experiences to sympathize with other people in similar situations and help them when they are going through their own challenges. We can think about what things were helpful for us when we were in a similar boat and do the same if that would be beneficial for them too.

May we be able to ease the pain of others by utilizing our past experiences to be helpful to them, always with the right dose of insight and intuition!

Ta'anis Esther - Alone

Sometimes in life you feel alone. Like there's no one who can help you. No one to rely on. No one to turn to.

I was sitting in the hospital bed on Shabbos morning after having given birth just a few hours before. I was starving. I had no food with me. We came to the hospital with the bag that I had packed and that's it. It was shabbos. I didn't have my phone with me and even if I would have had it I wouldn't be able to call anyone to bring me something to eat. I was alone. I was tempted to call one of the nurses to ask them to look out for a Jewish girl who was visiting someone and see if they could go to the bikkur cholim room to get me something to eat. I just gave birth. I couldn't go myself. I was alone. And I was hungry. And I needed to eat.

I felt like crying. Where was I going to get food from?

Hashem, I said, I'm hungry. I need to eat. Could you please send someone to my room to give me some food?

I was close to tears.

Mi K'amcha Yisroel. It didn't take long for a volunteer from Yad Ephraim to come into my room with a bag full of food. She had grape juice for kiddush, danishes, cake and some warm mazel tov wishes for me.

* * *

Today is Ta'anis Esther. Picture the scene so many years ago. Put yourself in Esther's shoes. She is married to Achashveirosh and has to stand before him and make a request that would save her entire nation. The entire Jewish People is looking to her, relying on her for their salvation.

At that moment, she bursts into a prayer of "Keili Keili lamah azavtani"-Hashem, why have you forsaken me? Why did you leave me? Just at the time I need you most...I feel so alone!

What an emotional prayer. What could be worse than the feeling of loneliness? Than feeling that you have no one to turn to, no one who can help you?

Yes, as a Jew you should know that you can always turn to Hashem. You can daven to Him and beg Him for help. But sometimes...that's not enough. You need something real. Something to hold on to. Someone to hold on to.

And I think maybe that's why Hashem gave us people to rely on, people to turn to for emotional support. Even if there is no one who can actually do anything practical for you, whether it's for financial help, to find you your guy, to help you with a job, to get you into a school or just to help with something real, when you feel alone and you have someone to talk to, it makes such a difference. There is something about having a friend that makes the burden a little bit easier to carry. Yes, you still have to go through the challenge anyway but when you have someone walking alongside you, you feel less alone and you feel like you could do it.

We all have times when we feel alone. Yes, we should turn to Hashem and ask for help but when nothing is going to change-because sometimes the situation stays the way it is and you don't see a way out, you can know that Hashem gave you something to make it a little more bearable. A good friend.

Today, many people take out their tehillims and say Perek Chaf Bais-the 22nd chapter that begins with "Keili Keili lamah azavtani". When a Jew feels alone, he takes out a siddur, he takes out his tehilim and he turns to Hashem. But sometimes, many times, that's not enough. You need something real. And that's what a friend is all about.

The purpose of a fast day is not about the food and about how hungry you are. The point is to get you to stop and think. We are still in galus. We know that sinas chinam is one of the things that is keeping us from getting out. Don't we all want to leave?

Today, take a minute to focus on your relationships and think about how you can be a better friend. A good friend, a real friend.

May you be able to be there for your friends to support them through the tough times and to celebrate with them in the happy times.

Have an easy, meaningful fast.

Connected to Hashem

Someone just emailed this to me. It's SO good. I have to share it with you!

Hashem doesn't hava Blackberry or an iPhone, but He is my favrite contact.

He doesn't have Facebook, but He is my best friend.

He doesn't have Twitter, but I follow Him nonetheless.

He doesn't have internet, but I am connected to Him.

And even though He has a massive communication system, His customer service never puts me on hold!

Taken from Torah Tavlin

Moving On

Question: If a friend tells you shes leaving to a foreign country how do you deal with that? How do you see the good in it and move on continue being happy?

Answer: With your friend is moving out of the country, you must be having mixed emotions. It's hard for you because you feel like you wont have her nearby but if you think about it, I'm sure this was a big decision for her and is the best thing for her right now. People don't just pick themselves up and move to another country without thinking about it so I'm sure that there is a good reason for why she's going.
Keeping that in mind will help you think about her for a minute - that it must be hard for her too. She is leaving a place of all her comforts to go on to a strange, new country. Even if she's been there before, it's still a change for her and change isn't easy.

Just because she is moving doesn't mean you are not going to be able to stay in touch with her. There's a saying, "absence makes the heart grow fonder" which means that when someone is far away from you, it makes this emotion in your heart feel stronger for them so you'll love them even more. The fact that she's moving will deepen your feelings for her and can in fact make you become closer than before!

You can still keep in touch with her. These days, we are blessed with telephones - generations back didn't have that! You can call your friend, send her letters, faxes and emails with updates on how you are doing and you can hear back from her as well. It's such a bracha that we have all these methods of communication today!

After my brother, Shalom a"h, was niftar, I thought about this - I was going to seminary in Eretz Yisroel and was going to miss my family so much! But to me it was a whole different story, totally different emotions than other girls who were there and also missing their families. Why? Because I knew that when I would get home at the end of the year, I would see my family once again - but my brother, he I would only see once moshiach comes and we are zoche to techiyas hameisim. (Of course there are no guarantees and something could happen over the year c"v but I felt that I'd see them all once I got back.)

So appreciate that you'll get to see your friend again - and if she is too far away and you don't think you'll be seeing her, at least you'll be able to speak to her or write to her! It's not like she's leaving you forever! You can keep in touch! How lucky you are to have such a close friend!!

Pain - Questions and Answers

The following two questions were submitted anonymously using the form on the right. (I usually do not post more than once a day, but the first question was just asked and must be answered immediately and so I'm posting this now and not waiting until tomorrow.)

Q: If one has a close friend and knows something that this friend is doing that is abusive to herself but has promised not to tell and is afraid of what might happen what should one do?

A: Your friend is lucky to have you in her life - someone who really cares about her. The fact that she told you that she is hurting herself is a message for you that she is screaming for help. She is in pain and needs someone to jump into her life and help her out immediately. Although it is hard for you, you must tell someone who can help her.

Your friend might get upset at you for telling someone. But as a good friend, this is your obligation. You want the best for her. The fact that she is hurting herself is a sign that she is in much deeper pain - she is hurting herself physically to cover up for the emotional pain she is in. She must be going through a lot and needs you to do something for her. So even though you promised not to tell, you need to, you must tell someone so that she can get the help she so desperately needs.

Know that even if she gets upset with you now, one day she will thank you for helping her get out of the mess she is in right now.

Wishing you lots of hatzlacha in helping out your friend!

---

Q: I recently heard a rabbi speak. When he was speaking, he said that whatever challenges Hashem brings we should be happy. Why should I be happy? Why isn't accepting it good enough? For example, I have a brother with special needs and why should I be happy? Of course I learnt to accept it. During the holocaust were the Jews happy being sent off to gas chambers? Were they suppose to be happy?

A: Wow. It must be quite a challenge for you to have a brother with special needs. But I want you to know that you can be happy even though you are going through pain. How? By focusing on what you do have. I cannot speak for those who went through the holocaust - their challenge was too great for me to fathom. I can speak for people in our generation who are going through big and hard tests. Even though Hashem makes us go through difficulties, a person can still be happy by thinking about and thanking Hashem for the good things He DOES have!

When you visit a doctor for the first time, you are asked to fill out a paper. One section lists a whole bunch of sicknesses and you have to check off if you were ever diagnosed with any of them. For example: Allergies, Altzheimers, Bipolar Disorder, Cancer, Diabetes...and it's a long list. If you can say that you were never diagnosed with even ONE of these things, you have many reasons to be thankful!

When you focus on the good things you have in your life, you can be happy. Every person has challenges. But those tests you go through should not pull you down and make you depressed, instead, realize how much you have to be grateful for and thank Hashem for that!

Here's just one post I wrote a while back on appreciating your eyesight. There are so many things that work right in your body, each one deserves a post on its own! For now, concentrate on the things in your life that are good, that are a blessing and you will be able to find the strength within yourself to be positive and happy!