Parshas Chaya Sara

Avraham sent his servant Eliezer to find a wife for his son Yitzchok. Eliezer looked for one quality in the girl in question. She must be a baalas chessed, someone who notices what someone else needs and offers to go above and beyond-in this case by giving water to Eliezer and his camels.

We see that the most important part of a person is their character, their middos and the way they care for others. Not looks, not money, not talents-but what the person does with the gifts they were given. We should reflect on our own selves and make sure we are using whatever qualities we have to make a difference in the lives of others.

May we be able to appreciate the things that really matter in others and keep using our talents and gifts to help other people!

Purim Poem-A Mashal

Here is the Purim Poem I wrote to go along with my mishloach manos this year.

It's finally here-this exciting day,
Purim with all its simcha has come our way
How can we make the most of this time?
It can be explained with a mashal in this little rhyme.

There once was a man who saved the king,
And as a reward he was allowed to take anything,
By spending a day in the king's house full of treasures,
The riches he'd amass would sustain him forever.
But to distract him from filling his sacks with gold,
The king found out what the man loved most and was promptly told,
Music was his passion, so it was played throughout the day,
And it worked, the man spent his time listening to the musicians play,
Instead of collecting diamonds, rubies and precious stones,
And he left the king's palace with nary a piece of value to call his own.

The nimshal is clear: whenever we can achieve something great,
The satan works hard to distract us, he doesn't wait.
So on purim he keeps us focused on costumes and themes,
To make sure we forget the miraculous story and the lesson that it brings:
That in the zechus of the tefillos and the teshuva that we did,
Hashem spared us from destruction, each and every yid,
And the Jews of Shushan merited an incredible salvation,
And Purim became a day of joy and celebration.

Let's not fall for the Satan's trap and focus instead on what we can attain,
"כל הפושט יד נותנים לו," we have so much we can gain!
Just like we give tzeddakah without checking if the "pauper" is real or a fake,
Hashem doesn't check if we deserve good, it's in our hands to take,
Advantage of the opportunity to ask without holding back,
We are in the King's ultimate treasure house for a day-let's fill up our sack!
Because on Purim we have the power to achieve our own salvation,
For ourselves, our families and the entire Jewish Nation.

May we be able to utilitze this day that is saturated with power,
With tefillos from our hearts so brachos onto us Hashem will shower!
And let's remember to daven and bag for this galus to end,
When Moshiach ben David, Hashem will finally send!

Elul-A Message

Someone sent this to me and I wanted to pass on this beautiful message.

There is a fellow who owns a jewelry store in Israel. One day a nine year old girl walked into the store and said, “I am here to buy a bracelet.” She looked through the glass cases and pointed to a bracelet that was $3,000. The man behind the counter asked her, “You want to buy that bracelet?”

“Yes,” she replied.

“Wow, you have very good taste. Who do you want to buy it for?”

“For my older sister.”

“Oh that is so nice!” the storekeeper replied. “Why do you want to buy your older sister this bracelet?”

“Because I don’t have a mother or father,” the little girl said, “and my older sister takes care of us. So we want to buy her a present, and I’m willing to pay for it.” She pulled out of her pocket a whole bunch of coins that totaled just under eight shekels, a little less than two dollars.

The fellow says, “Wow! That’s exactly what the bracelet costs!” While wrapping up the bracelet he said to the girl, “You write a card to your sister while I wrap the bracelet.” He finished wrapping the bracelet, wiped away his tears, and handed the little girl the bracelet.

A few hours later the older sister entered the store. “I’m terribly embarrassed,” she said. “My sister should not have come here. She shouldn’t have taken it without paying.”

“What are you talking about?” the storekeeper asked.

“What do you mean? This bracelet costs thousands of dollars. My little sister doesn’t have thousands of dollars – she doesn’t even have ten dollars! Obviously she didn’t pay for it.”

“You couldn’t be more wrong,” the storekeeper replied. “She paid me in full. She paid seven shekel, eighty agurot, and a broken heart. I want to tell you something. I am a widower. I lost my wife a number of years ago. People come into my store every single day. They come in and buy expensive pieces of jewelry, and all these people can afford it. When your sister walked in, for the first time in so very long since my wife had died, I once again felt what love means.”

He gave her the bracelet and wished her well.

During the High Holy Days, we come to the Almighty and we want to buy something very expensive. We want to buy life. But we cannot afford it. We don’t have enough money to pay for it. We don’t have the merits. So we come to the Almighty and we empty out our pockets, giving him whatever merits we have plus promises for the future. I’ll pick up the phone and call someone who is lonely, I will learn an extra five minutes of Torah, I will be kind and I will be scrupulous about not speaking lashon hara (gossip) for one hour a day.

The Almighty says, “You don’t know how long it’s been since I’ve felt what love means.” He sees how much we love Him and how much we yearn to improve, and He says, “You know what? You have touched my heart. Here it is, paid in full.”

(The story was told over by Rabbi Go’el Elkarif who said he heard it from the person to whom it happened.)

Giving From the Heart

He almost didn't see the old lady, stranded on the side of the road, but even in the dim light of day, he could see she needed help. So he pulled up in front of her Mercedes and got out. His Pontiac was still sputtering when he approached her.

Even with the smile on his face, she was worried. No one had stopped to help for the last hour or so. Was he going to hurt her? He didn't look safe; he looked poor and hungry.

He could see that she was frightened, standing out there in the cold. He knew how she felt. It was that chill which only fear can put in you.

He said, "I'm here to help you, ma'am. Why don't you wait in the car where it's warm? By the way, my name is Bryan Anderson."

Well, all she had was a flat tire, but for an old lady, that was bad enough. Bryan crawled under the car looking for a place to put the jack, skinning his knuckles a time or two. Soon he was able to change the tire. But he had to get dirty and his hands hurt.

As he was tightening up the lug nuts, she rolled down the window and began to talk to him. She told him that she was from St. Louis and was only just passing through. She couldn't thank him enough for coming to her aid.

Bryan just smiled as he closed her trunk. The lady asked how much she owed him. Any amount would have been all right with her. She already imagined all the awful things that could have happened had he not stopped. Bryan never thought twice about being paid. This was not a job to him. This was helping someone in need, and God knows there were plenty who had given him a hand in the past. He had lived his whole life that way, and it never occurred to him to act any other way.

He told her that if she really wanted to pay him back, the next time she saw someone who needed help, she could give that person the assistance they needed, and Bryan added, "And think of me."

He waited until she started her car and drove off. It had been a cold and depressing day, but he felt good as he headed for home, disappearing into the twilight.

A few miles down the road the lady saw a small cafe. She went in to grab a bite to eat, and take the chill off before she made the last leg of her trip home. It was a dingy looking restaurant. Outside were two old gas pumps. The whole scene was unfamiliar to her. The waitress came over and brought a clean towel to wipe her wet hair. She had a sweet smile, one that even being on her feet for the whole day couldn't erase. The lady noticed the waitress was nearly eight months pregnant, but she never let the strain and aches change her attitude. The old lady wondered how someone who had so little could be so giving to a stranger. Then she remembered Bryan.

After the lady finished her meal, she paid with a hundred dollar bill. The waitress quickly went to get change for her hundred dollar bill, but the old lady had slipped right out the door. She was gone by the time the waitress came back. The waitress wondered where the lady could be. Then she noticed something written on the napkin. There were tears in her eyes when she read what the lady wrote: "You don't owe me anything. I have been there too. Somebody once helped me out, the way I'm helping you. If you really want to pay me back, here is what you - Do not let this chain of love end with you."

Under the napkin were four more $100 bills.

Well, there were tables to clear, sugar bowls to fill, and people to serve, but the waitress made it through another day. That night when she got home from work and climbed into bed, she was thinking about the money and what the lady had written. How could the lady have known how much she and her husband needed it? With the baby due next month, it was going to be hard.

She knew how worried her husband was, and as he lay sleeping next to her, she gave him a soft kiss and whispered soft and low, "Everything's gonna be all right. I love you, Bryan Anderson."

What a powerful story indeed. As the old saying goes “What goes around comes around”

As I sat there, thinking of the giving and receiving story, I realized that the concept is so easy and simple to follow. What I have to do is to open my eyes wider and seek for opportunities where I can be of help to someone, anyone today. Be it a kind word, or just merely a smile; a pat on the shoulder or just simply a phone call. I want to be Bryan Anderson. I really do. Now, let me ask you a question: Don't you want to be one too?

Thank you Shaina R. for emailing this story to me.

Understanding Pain - Part 1

The following question was submitted anonymously using the form on the right.

When trying to help a loved one in a time of nisayon, its so easy for you to just say "it's from Hashem". But when you are the one going through a nisayon, knowing its all from Hashem doesn't make you feel any better. Although you know its from Hashem, the next world seems so far off and you can't imagine why He is putting you through this. What can help you, in your moment of pain, realize that everything is really for the best?

This is a really important question. Sometimes, it's so much easier to give other people chizuk when they are going through hard times. To tell them that "it's all from Hashem and it's for the best". But when it comes to your own personal trials and tests it's not so easy. All of a sudden it hits you and you say "Why? Why Hashem are you doing this to me??"

I once heard someone say that a person should not have emunah for someone else. When someone you know is going through a difficult time, you should not be saying, "don't worry it's all gonna work out in the end." No! You should be doing all you can to help them out as if they depend on YOU only for the thing they need! You shouldn't say, "Hashem will send you your shidduch/the job you need/the friends you need..." You should go out there and try your best to do whatever you can to help them out! Don't have emunah for them that it's gonna work out - YOU do what YOU can to make it happen! And if you can't do anything to help them (You don't know any potential candidates/you don't have the right connections to help them find a job...) then you should daven your heart out to Hashem to bring them their yeshuah.

But when it comes to your own nisyonos, your own tests, that's when you need to strengthen your emunah that everything comes from Him. So what should you think? What should you tell yourself to help pull you through?

Everyone has hardships. Know that you are not the only one. People may look like everything is going well on the outside but each and every person is experiencing challenges and every person needs to strengthen their trust in Hashem.

It says Es asher ye'ehav yochi'ach - Hashem sends challenges to those that He loves. Know that if Hashem is putting you through a hard time it's because HE LOVES YOU!! He wants to connect to you and He wants you to turn to Him. So when things are going fine and dandy it's easy to forget about Hashem. But when things don't go the way you want them to, that's when all of a sudden you remember, "Hey! Hashem is the One that runs my life! He's the One who made this happen. I should really turn to Him and ask Him to get me out of this."

It's like the classic father-son mashal. (Imagine the days before cell phones for a minute.)
The son is away at college and gets a monthly allowance along with a letter from his father updating him on what's going on in the family. The son cashes the check and spends the money. He doesn't write home to tell his father how he's doing. He's too busy studying and spending time with his friends.
But the father misses his son. He wants to hear from him. So one month he sends the letter without a check.
The son feels silly writing a letter asking the father for money without saying anything else. So he writes a letter telling his father how he's doing and updates him on how his studies are going. And he ends of the letter with a "by the way...did you forget to send the check this month?"
This is what his father was waiting for! He wanted to hear from his son because he missed him!! The son could think, Why did my father hold back the money from me? Doesn't he know I need it? Doesn't he love me?
But that's precisely why he didn't send the money - BECAUSE he wanted to hear from his son!!

And it's the same with us and Hashem - sometimes He may hold something back from you or puts you through certain situations just to get you to turn to Him. He loves you and misses hearing from you! He misses that close connection and so He reminds you that He's here - close by - just turn to ME because I'm the only One who can help you!!

To be continued...

Give a Bracha

Here is a story with a great lesson to learn from this week's parsha - when Yitzchok asked his son Yaakov to bring him something to eat before giving him a bracha.

HaRav Yaakov Neiman, Z’tl (Rosh Yeshiva in Petach Tikvah), was once raising funds in America. He did not know any English, and after having knocked several times on a well-to-do individual’s door without response, he was approached by the person’s neighbor who knew a little bit of Yiddish. HaRav Neiman explained to him as best he could that he had been attempting to contact the person on whose door he had knocked to raise much-needed funds for his Yeshiva. The neighbor welcomed him into his home as a guest, and invited him to stay until he could actually make contact. That evening, he finally contacted by phone the well-to-do individual he had been seeking, and made an appointment with him. HaRav Neiman, when taking leave of his short-term host, asked him “What can I do for you?” The host responded that he would really like to have a child. HaRav Neiman gave him a bracha that within the year, he would have one - and, in fact, he was blessed with a son within the year.

HaRav Chaim Kanievsky, Shlita, upon hearing the story commented that HaRav Neiman’s bracha was fulfilled not only because it was the bracha of a Talmid Chochom, but also because it was a bracha that flowed from a sincere feeling of HaKaras HaTov, sincere gratitude, for what this caring person had done for him. It is for this reason, HaRav Kanievsky continues, that Yitzchak Avinu had requested his son to bring him good food prior to giving him a blessing, so that the blessing would be all the more powerful.

We are all faced with situations every day - in the home, at work, in the store, and even in Shul - where we are either the giver, or the recipient of good bestowed upon us by another. While it may be bolder for someone who has done a favor or helped someone out to ask his recipient for a heartfelt bracha, it most certainly would be in order for the recipient to initiate the blessing, and give a bracha to the giver for something that he knows is needed.

We all know that negative words have reverberating affects in celestial spheres (See Introduction to Sefer Chofetz Chaim). Since Hashem’s “Middah Tova” (attribute of reward) is much greater than His Midas Puraniyos (attribute of punishment), we can very readily assume that a bracha of one person to another in this world has even more powerful effects in the Heavens than the words of lashon hara or negative speech.

Undoubtedly, the brachos and the compliments one person gives to another pleases HaKadosh Baruch Hu greatly. Making the effort to unite, to make another feel good, simply to wish another to be successful and well, is a simple, but essential, step in the bringing of the geulah, our final redemption. It is important to note, however, that Shlomo HaMelech, the wisest of all men, takes us a step further, as he teaches, “Simcha L’Ish B’Maaneh Feev…-A man has joy with the response of his mouth” (Mishlei 15:23). When one speaks in a loving and appreciative tone, blessing others in a way that he himself would like to be blessed, it is the speaker himself, who will feel the joy and contentment in his very own words…it is the giver who feels a sense of accomplishment and of G-dliness, as he emulates Hashem’s ways!

(Taken from yesterday's Hakhel post.)

My eretz yisroel story:) even if you heard it its worth it to read bec. it is written so well so pls read and comment!!!!

I want to share with you the power of praying to Hashem at a time of darkness, when things are so bleak that it seems there is no way out. At such a time, if you sincerely turn to Hashem to help, He will answer in ways you would never expect.

This past summer I had the opportunity to take a group of eight teenage girls with me to Israel. The goal of this trip was to expose Bais Yaakov girls to the beauty of Yiddishkeit as it comes alive in a special way in the Holy Land. With that goal in mind, we set out on our trip.

During the course of that summer, we went on many fascinating tours and were having a great time. One particular day, we arrived back at our apartment from a trip to the North of Israel. We dropped our bags, exhausted from the traveling, and settled down to rest and regroup. I gave two of the girls my bank card and asked them to go to the market to buy some food for lunch and supper.

They walked the short distance to the store and filled up a shopping cart with food for our group. When they got to the check-out counter, they handed the cashier my bank card to pay for the order. He swiped the card, but the transaction was declined.
"I’m sorry," he told the girls. "But it says, ‘Not accepted. Insufficient funds.’"
"What?" one girl exclaimed. "How can that be? Please, can you try again?"
He tried it again, but it was no use. The card didn't work. The girls returned to the apartment and told me the bad news.
"There must be some mistake!" I said. "Let me go to the bank and check this out."

I ran over to the bank and discovered that, unfortunately, the cashier was right. For some odd reason, our account was empty. That meant that all the money the girls had pooled to pay for the expenses of the trip was inexplicably failing to register on the account’s balance. If we could not get access to the money, the trip was finished.

I was not sure what to do next. The girls were crying and the mood of our trip was turning sour. I thought to myself, "Hashem, please, this is not a test that we can handle right now. We don't have money to buy basics, and the girls are looking to me for guidance." I told the girls, "It seems to me that the only thing we can do now is daven for Hashem to help us."

"Listen, Chaya Sarah," one of the girls said. "This is not a time to be all spiritual. Let's get real, OK? We’re in big trouble here."
"I know girls, but there is really nothing else to do now."
The girls thought I was being a fanatic, but then they actually took my advice. Each girl in her own words asked Hashem to help us out of our impossible situation.

After the brief prayer, I suggested to the girls that we study two laws of shmiras haloshon in Sefer Chofetz Chaim, which is a known segula in difficult times. Before we began learning, I asked again, "Please, Hashem, help us out here. Your daughters need you now."

After learning the two laws, I suggested to the girls that we go to the Old City, a place where there are many things to do, even if you don't have money. i started seeing the hand of Hashem a min. after we read the halachos and really showed him that we truly trust only in him! We had no money to even take a bus ride.. i put my hand in my pocket and I took out a bus card that had enough for 8 girls to come along!! wow!! Rabbi Wallerstein heard how difficult it was for me, he said i am sending you 2000.00 and he did!! That was all the money that we had till the end of the trip!
A friend of mine named Chani offered to come along and to sponsor supper. We went to the Old City and gratefully ate the supper Chani purchased for us. It was the only meal we ate that day. The girls were still hungry and tired, and worst of all, they were depressed over our difficult situation.

I suggested that we go to the Kosel, but the girls were not interested. It was getting late, and we decided to head back towards the buses and head home. We hoped that somehow, in the morning light, a solution to our dilemma would appear.
As we wound our way through the streets of the Old City, my friend Chani encountered a familiar woman.
"Hi, Chani! What are you doing here?"
"Hello,Pamella. I’m here with some friends."


"Great!" Pamella said, looking at the assembled group of morose girls. "Would you girls like to come up to my home?"
"Yes!" they shouted in unison, suddenly re-energized.
"I'll be with you in a minute.. I'm just saying goodbye to the senator of Texas.."was her reply.
we were completely shocked the senator.. since her father was in the government she always had professionals in her home, so she was very used to having senators and governors all the time!

Pamella had a magnificent home in the old city that was over a few millions dollars directly facing the Kotel!! She and her husband were known throughout the city as generous philanthropists, and Pamella was the quiet force behind many acts of kindness and chesed.

We followed Pamella into her beautiful home, taking in the original artwork that adorned the walls. One of the girls turned to me and said, "Wow! We really went from rags to riches!!

"Are you girls hungry?" Pamella asked.

There was no hesitation.

"yeh a little.."
we didnt want her to know how hungry we were..
The supper we had eaten earlier had barely filled the void left by a long day with little to eat. Besides, the girls had restrained themselves, knowing that Chani was paying the bill and not wishing to take undue advantage.

Since she had the senator of texas she had really fancy food to serve us!!
Pamella maid brought out hot, fresh rugelach and mini hot dogs in blankets and delicious drinks, which the girls devoured.
we felt soo luck to be so well taken care of!!

Then Tammy asked the girls, "Do you know where you are standing?"
"No, where?" they asked.
"Directly across from where the Beis Hamikdosh will be. Come take a look."

She brought us close and told us to peer right ahead of where we were and said, "Look there." We looked out and saw a breathtaking view of the Kotel, above which we were able to see the large dome of the mosque that presently occupies the place of the Bais Hamikdosh. Imagine where the Beis Hamikdosh will be rebuilt..we weer able to see it straight from her porch!!

The girls could not get over the amazing sight. It was as if one moment ago, we were lost in the darkness, and then in the very next moment, Hashem was embracing us, saying "I will not let you go."

The girls were so thrilled, one girl shouted spontaneously, "Hashem is amazing!" I felt as if Hashem were reaching into the hearts of these girls who, although observant, had not found a truly spiritual, inspiring path in their religious lives as yet. He was opening their eyes and letting them know that He is always there, if only we will call to Him.

"Girls I want to tell you something," said Pamella. "I want you to know that Hashem is always with you, no matter how dark a situation is Hashem will always be there to light up your life if you turn to him!

She then told us how she had given up a life of being a model for DKNY, she used to walk down the runway and have thousands of cameras in her face!! she gave it up because she wanted to have Hashem in her life!! she said that a life of Torah and mitzvos is the only way she could see herself living! She told the girls that she wouldn't give it up her Yiddishkeit for anything. She spoke to their hearts and gave them a lot of chizuk, revealing that she was now married for 20 years and had no children, but instead of wallowing in pain, she was using all of her strength to help unfortunate soldiers. She visits them in the hospital and brings them over presents to help them feel better!!

Pamella made a deep impression on the girls at just the moment when they stood at a crossroads in life. She was showing them that Hashem is truly there for them in all situations, and coming from such a woman, the words had a real impact.

After Pamella spoke so candidly to the girls, they opened up to her and told her about the disappearance of all their money and their difficult position.

"Wait here one moment," Pamella said. She went upstairs and when she came down, she was holding a small box. She opened it up and said, "I hope this helps your situation." She handed each girl a 20 shekel bill, and then gave Chani a few hundred shekel just in case, that paid for the entire supper and for the cabs ride home!! We could not believe the hashgacha pratis. The girls were simply floored by the entire experience.


The girls’ hearts were clearly moved. "You know, Chaya Sarah, if you don't see Hashem now, then you would have to be really blind," said one girl. No speech in the world could have done for us what this experience did.

We left the house and the girls turned to me and said, "Now we are ready to go to the Kosel to daven."

We all ran down to the Kosel and embraced the cold stone. It was raining outside, so all the women had gone indoors to daven, and no one was standing at the wall when we arrived. We had it all for ourselves.

The girls stood there, oblivious to the pouring rain, and they were all screaming,"I love you Hashem!" "Thank you Hashem!"

I stood back and watched proudly as these girls finally made the connection I was waiting for. In the moment of darkness, they had found Hashem, and I hoped and prayed that night that they would never let go.
The girls later told me that this experience, which started out as the potential ruination of the trip, became its unforgettable highlight.

I believe the lesson of my story is that sometimes Hashem places us in darkness,, but when He does, He wants us to know, " I am with you in the pain, I am right there. If you turn to Me at that moment of darkness, you will see Me turn the darkness to light. In the end, you will thank Me and praise Me," because only in the darkness can you really come to see Hashem. We saw Hashem that night, and so will you.

Thoughts on Elul

I wrote this a few years ago, passed it around as an email and posted it on the blog last year. I think the message is still so powerful and I hope you gain from it.

If your parents were to give you money to spend on whatever you wanted, there are a few things you could do.

Either you can buy yourself a present with the money they gave you. That would be very nice as that is what they had in mind when they gave you the money. They give you ten dollars, you buy yourself some pizza and ice cream. They give you more, you buy yourself shoes, clothing or a new book. They give you lots of money, you buy yourself something more expensive.

But even better than that, you can use the money they give you to buy them a present. That would be extra special because you are using the money you got to try and repay them for all the good they have given you. They gave you ten dollars, you buy them roses. They gave you more, you buy them a gift to enhance the Shabbos table. They gave you lots of money, you buy an expensive piece of silver.

But imagine if you were to take that money and use it against your parents. They gave you ten dollars, you buy yourself some fuel and matches and burn the house down. They gave you more, you buy yourself some other destructive device and cause untold harm. They gave you even more, you use it to pay for a car and crash into them and kill them.

Sounds ridiculous, no?!

This is what happens when we sin against our loving father, HaKadosh Baruch Hu. He gives and gives and gives to us. He doesn’t stop. And we have choices of how to use the gifts He has gives us.

We can use them to our benefit alone. We can eat the food he gives us and enjoy it. We can sing songs to ourselves and enjoy our beautiful voices. We have eyes, we can use them to read. We can use our ears to hear sounds and our lips to speak words.

But even better than that, we can use our talents to come closer to Him. We can't repay HaKadosh Baruch Hu for a bit of what He does for us, but we can give Hashem a present by using what He gave us to bring Him nachas and joy. We can say brachos on our foods or use our voices to sing songs that will inspire ourselves and others to come closer to Hashem. We can use our eyes to read stories and look at things that will bring Hashem happiness. We can use our ears to listen to words of Torah and use our lips to daven and sing Hashem's praises.

But when we use our body to sin against Hashem, we are giving Hashem a "slap across the face"!! Hashem gives us eyes and what do we do?! We read and look at things we should have never read and seen. We look at people with a jealous eye instead of fargining. Do we look into the siddur and the holy aleph bais when we daven or do we let our eyes wander around the room diverting our attention and getting distracted from our tefillah?!

We are blessed with the ability to hear and what do we use our ears for?! We listen to words of lashon hara and ona'as devarim. We listen to others complaining and then validate them instead of helping them realize that there may be another side to their story. Should we try to listen more when someone is trying to tell us something instead of interrupting them before they finish their thought?!

We were given the ability to speak. How careful are we with guarding our lips? Do we daven and bentch slowly and carefully? Perhaps we can start to say each bracha with more articulation, thereby enabling us to have more concentration when saying it. When we use our mouths and our lips to do aveiros, we are taking the gifts Hashem gave us and using them against Him! What could be a bigger insult to Hashem than that?! "I give you a gift and this is what you do with it?!" Do we want Hashem to chas v'shalom have to wake us up by taking away one of these gifts so we wont be able to use them altogether?!
We just started month of Elul. It is a time for us to really think. We should use this month to give Hashem nachas by showing Him that we are using every part of our body to serve Him. So work slowly. Take one part of your body and tell yourself, "Today I want to work on my brain. How can I fill my brain with positive thoughts and use my brain to get closer to Hashem?" Is this hard? Maybe. But think about the millions of things you can thank Hashem for. You will never get bored with these thoughts. Go through your body and start realizing how much is going on inside of you. Thank Hashem for your health and that your heart is pumping blood throughout your body... Thank Him for your family and friends. Thank Him for keeping you alive. You have so much to be grateful for! Just use your free time to think about all the things you can thank Him for and you will be serving Hashem with your brain!

You can use each part of your body to get closer to Hashem. It just takes a little bit of time and some serious thought. You can do it. Give it a try. See how it works. You'll be amazed by the feeling you'll have when you realize that you are able to use the gifts Hashem gave you to get close to Him. So instead of throwing the gifts He gave us back in His face, let us try to use them to come closer to Him and thereby merit the coming of Moshiach, where we will see Hashem face to face!!

I'm a Millionaire!!

No, I didn't win the lottery! It's just that I wanted to share an incredible thought with you. And once you come to this realization, you can also be a millionaire!

I once heard this from a speech from R' Shimshon Pincus. It was so amazing and I wanted to tell it to you because I think you can all gain from it! I'm not sure if it's exactly what he said or if some of my own thoughts are mixed in while I'm writing it, but either way, it's good to hear...

He was talking about bitachon and trusting in Hashem and that everything comes from Him. So he was saying that what's the difference between me and the millionaire? The millionaire has tonz of money in the bank. He doesn't even use it all every single day. The fact that his money is sitting in the bank is what makes him a millionaire. But can he depend on his money? From one minute to the next, Hashem can do anything that will make him lose his money. But me, I'm even richer than the millionaire because I have Hashem! And Hashem has all the money in the world! I don't have the worries that the millionaire has, what if this happens, what if that happens, because I know that as soon as I need the money, Hashem will provide me with it! And if I do not need it, I wont have it!! It's that simple!! (Halevei it should be that simple for us, but for R' Pincus, it was so clear!)

It's such an amazing thing, to be able to live with this level of emunah!

Also, the difference between me and the millionaire is the money that's in the bank. It's not that he needs the money that minute so it's really all in the head because as long as the guy knows his money is in his bank account, he's happy, he knows he has it. But if someone would tell him that he lost all his money, even if he had no need for it, he would get so upset!! Why? Because his money isn't in his account anymore! Did he need that money? Not that minute! He just needed to know that the money was there!! He might want it for the future but if he worked on his trust in Hashem, he would know that as soon as he needs the money, He will get it in a way that only Hashem knows!! And so we should remind ourselves that Hashem knows exactly how much money we need at all times! He has more money than all the million & billionaires!! And as soon as you need the money, as soon as Hashem feels you need the money, you will have it!

I remember learning in seminary about the passuk in tehillim, "mizmor l'dovid, Hashem ro'ee lo echsar" - Hashem is my shephard, I am not missing out on anything. This means that: whatever I have I need and whatever I don't have, I don't need. A person should tell themselves this all the time because we need this reminder. If I have it, I need it and if I don't have it right now, I don't need it!!

It's such an important thing to keep reminding ourselves! Tell it to yourself again and again!! You have whatever you need! Hashem knows you best, He knows your needs and wants and as soon as you need it, you will have it!

(This is talking about things that you cannot change, for example, the family you were born into and thing like that. Many things can be changed through tefillah.)

This is not only with money, it's with many other things and we can use this lesson for everything and anything. Hashem knows what you need and He has reasons for each thing He puts you through!!

May you be able to live every day of your life with the knowledge and realization that everything comes from Hashem, He can do anything and may you be able to strengthen your faith in Him more and more each day!

Parshas Naso and the Shabbos After Shavuos

This week's Parsha speaks about the korbanos of the nesi'im. The torah lists every nasi and what korban he gave even though they each gave the exact same korban. We know that the torah is very careful with each letter and there is nothing extra there so why does the repitition? Why doesn't it just list the animals of the korbanos once and mention that all the nesi'im gave the same thing?

We can take a few lessons from the fact that the torah repeats the karbanos of each Nasi. Firstly, we see that Hashem values each person as an individual and that every person is special. Even though they were all the same, the torah specifies what each nasi gave to show us how important they were to Hashem. And we can take this lesson for ourselves as well. Each and every one of you is special and has value! Although you may look at other people around you and think that you are very much the same, remember that to Hashem, you are unique, you are an individual, you are special and you are valued!

Here is another beautiful message (quoted in R' Frand on the Parsha)

When the second nasi, Nesanel ben Tsuar, had to bring his korban, he decided to bring the exact same one as the nasi before him, Nachshon ben Aminadav. Nesanel wanted to avoid the conflict that would undoubtedly arise if he one-upped Nachson’s korban and brought more. In order to avoid any jealousy, resentment or competition he brought exactly the same korban. That idea must have appealed to Hashem because the Torah lists each korban of every shevet even though they were identical. Hashem showed his pleasure as well by allowing the korban yachid of the Nesi'im even on Shabbos, when only a korban tzibur is allowed. Why? Because these karbanos promoted a sense of community and harmony, so Hashem considered them to be just like a korban tzibbur. They had the public interest in mind.

We live in a world where people have a lot and sometimes feel the need to show off what they have. We should take a lesson from this and try to be modest int the way we present ourselves to others and try not to arouse jealousy and bad feelings of others through the good that we have. If Hashem blessed you with plenty, try to use it to serve Him better, give tzeddaka and help other people! If you make a fancy party or celebration, others feel that they must match or outdo your party. It is not fair to them to do that - it makes other people jealous and causes lots of unneeded stress. Instead, use the extra time, energy and money for other things-to help people who are not as fortunate as you and who could use the extra cash.

If you are able to go shopping and you have the money to buy yourself nice things, you don't have to show it off and make other people jealous. I have a secret for you...shh...you are not the only one who likes nice things! Everybody does! So when you buy a fancy new bag or get a new phone, it's okay to show your friends but make sure you are not boasting in a way that makes other people look at you enviously and want what you have. It can cause so much pain to other people who are not able to pay for such luxuries.

The reason for modesty in Judaism is not only to protect ourselves, it is to protect others. We determine what a Torah lifestyle and standard of living is and if we raise that standard, we’re inadvertently tempting others to follow suit whether or not they can afford to.

So let's take the lesson and keep our ostentatious behavior to a minimum and our Ahavas Yisrael to a maximum.

* * *

We are now at the shabbos after Shavuos. You can make this shabbos extra special by taking the lessons and messages from Shavuos into Shabbos and stay on that high. There is so much we can learn from our precious gift, the Torah. When you are able to take a lesson from the torah and apply it to your everyday life, you see and feel that the torah is eternal and that although it was written so many years ago, you can relate to it at all times. In every generation and at any given moment, you can learn something practical from the torah. This should help you appreciate how lucky you are to have such a special present and love it more and more-because we can live with it every single day!

Hope you are able to make this Shabbos extra special by thinking about how lucky you are to be part of such a wonderful nation and how fortunate you are to be given such a precious gift-the torah, whose lessons can be applied to any situation, at any time!

What Matters Most...

I posted this once before but was asked to post it again for those of you who did not read it yet. I'm not sure how many people, when finding this blog, go back to the posts and read all of them from the beginning. Either way, rereading this can still have a powerful effect. Enjoy!

The first time the Torah mentions money is in Parshas Chaya Sara. The Torah writes about Avraham Avinu purchasing Me’oras Hamachpeila so he can bury his wife, Sarah. I think there is a very powerful lesson to take from here. This is a reminder for us – the Torah is telling us where money goes and that it does not accompany a person when they die!

Whenever we look around and we see different people going about their daily lives, it is very easy to become jealous. This person is pretty, this one dresses so well, she has a nice car, she is always buying new things and she is always happy. It may look like the people you see have a perfect life – problem free! But no! Nobody’s life is perfect! What you see is just on the outside and you have no clue what is really going on behind the makeup and behind the smile, behind the well-dressed person walking down the street. Everyone has their hardships. And although it is easy to become jealous because of what you see on the outside, remember what the Torah says about jealousy – kinas sofrim tarbeh chochmah, it is okay to be jealous of the deeds of a righteous person because then it will push you forward to become better too. So when you see someone who looks like she has the perfect life on the outside, remind yourself where all the money, clothes, jewelry and cars go – they are not here forever!

Instead, look around at the people you see and the way they act and try to see what you can learn from them! That will definitely take you further in life and then you will be happier because you will be using your eyes and heart to search for ways to become better, instead of looking at other people wishing you had the same!
And then, when you look back at how you spent your time, you will see that you have grown as a person, you have used all the chances you had to learn from others, grow and change for the better instead of eyeing what they have and wanting it too!!

Here is a beautiful video that illustrates this point:



What matters most is how you spend your dash, that teeny little line in between the from and to of a person’s life! It does not matter how much money you have, it does not matter how many things you have, what matters is the way you spend your time in this world!
So don't spend your time thinking about the things the people around you have, instead, notice the good things you see people do so you can learn from them and become better!

The Reward is So Great!

Someone requested that I post something on the topic of tznius so here goes…Let me know if this helped you out in any way and please also let me know what specific things you want to hear about because there's plenty to say!

I know that tznius is such a hard mitzvah. Of course we all know that the harder the mitzvah is, the greater the schar (we know the song by heart already!! The harder the work is to do, the more schar Hashem gives you…) but what is the schar for keeping to this mitzvah?!

One of the rewards for keeping the mitzvah of tznius is health. Another is good children. What would people give to have these things? How much money would someone pay just to restore her health? Can you put a price tag on eyes that see? On ears that hear? Can you say it’s worth 100 dollars? A thousand? A million? There’s no way to say how much health is really worth! But here – you have the key! Hashem is telling you, Do you want to be healthy?! All you have to do is keep your body covered properly!

Good children – how much would a parent give to ensure children who are good, listen to them, respect them, love them, care about them, follow the right path?! Raising children in today’s world is hard! There are a lot of things that could go wrong. If you had a promise for good children, but it took some work on your part, wouldn’t you try very hard and do anything you can for good children?! There are parents who cry themselves to sleep at night because they are pained by the things their children are doing! But here is something you can do to earn this great reward! And even if you do not have children yet, you can save up those zechusim, start now!! And another thing – you need to get married in order to have children so (this is my guess) maybe, by dressing and acting with modesty, you will also get to that stage too!!!

Chaya Sara commented about this in the last post I wrote on tznius. She said that when I was pregnant with Shalom Baruch, I made sure to be extra careful not to wear maternity clothing that was too tight. Do you know how hard that was for me?! Do you have any idea??? If you would have seen me walking down the street at that point, I don’t think you’d ever be able to guess what a challenge it was for me! Do you have any idea how many sweaters and tops I put back on the racks in stores because they were just too tight, too showy and emphasizes my growing stomach?! And it was not easy!!! It was very, very hard!!! But I kept telling myself that it’s going to be worth it. Instead of shopping in the stores that had things for much less money (and I’m talking about things that were more than half the price of the things that were more tznius), I went and spent more money on my maternity clothes.

And then I told Chaya Sara, “If someone would ask me how much I would pay to have an easy labor and good children, I would pay all the money in the world!! And here I know, that if I am dressed in the proper way, I will have good children! Who wouldn’t be extra careful?! I want my child to grow up happy, healthy, respect and love me, treat people nicely, follow the torah…all these things are included in good!! So even if it’s hard, and the styles are more attractive, it worth it for me to put those things back on the rack and pay more money for clothing that is more modest so that I know I will have good children!!!” And yes, I did have a very easy labor (compared to what people have by the first child)! Of course, it didn’t tickle lol and it’s called labor for a reason (it’s hard work!), but I was so lucky. There are people who are in labor for 12, 15, 24 hours…and my labor, from when I felt the first moment of pain until my baby was born was a total of 4 hours and 15 minutes!! That’s really something incredible for a first birth! My story is a long one, even though it wasn't that many hours, but let me tell you, it was definitely worth it when I held that precious baby in my arms and gave birth to a perfect and healthy little boy!

So keep in mind that even if it’s hard to do this mitzvah, the reward is so great!!

Please let me know if this helped you at all…

What a Story!!

A highly respected woman, the wife of a prosperous businessman in the Hungarian city of Pressburg, adopted the custom of periodically donating a sum of money to the yeshivah, on the condition that someone there recite Kaddish for the souls of those unfortunates who have no one to say it for them. The yeshivah administration agreed, appointing one of the students to recite Kaddish for those departed souls.

After some time, the woman's husband passed away. His business suffered greatly without his leadership, and eventually fell into such dire straits that the woman was forced to close it down.

Her financial situation worsened dramatically.

As time passed, she was faced with a new problem. Her two daughters had reached marriageable age, but from where was the money to come for their weddings? The mother bore her burdens in silence, courageously resigned to her fate.

There was, however, one thing she was not willing to accept. The recitation of Kaddish must not stop just because she could no longer afford to pay her usual stipend.

In great bitterness of spirit, she turned to the yeshivah administration, pleading with them to continue the Kaddish custom until her fortune turned and she would once again be able to pay. The Yeshivah, moved by the widow's sincerity, agreed to do as she asked. The promise filled her with boundless joy. With beaming countenance, she left the yeshivah and started for home.

Her situation did not press upon her quite as much as before. As long as Kaddish would be said, she felt she lacked nothing in this world. As far as her two daughters were concerned, she would place her trust in Hashem. The merciful Father of orphans and the compassionate Judge of widows would surely see their poverty and supply them with suitable grooms and all their needs.

One day, as the woman stepped out into the street, she saw an elderly Jew approaching. His beard was full and white, and his face shone like the sun. The woman was startled by the warmth of his greeting -- after all, the old man was a stranger to her. Her surprise grew when he began conversing with her, asking about her situation and that of her children. The woman sighed deeply, pouring out the tale of her hardships. She described her fall from prosperity to poverty, to the point that she lacked the means with which to marry off her grown daughters.

"How much do you estimate you need for their wedding expenses?" the old man asked

"What's the difference?" she sighed. "With all due respect, why do you wish to know?"

Rather than responding, however, the man pressed her for an answer until she gave him the estimate he wanted. Immediately, he drew a page from his notebook and wrote instructions to the local bank to pay her the amount she had mentioned. Because this was a very large sum of money, he suggested to the stupefied widow, it was preferable that the note be signed in the presence of witnesses. They would see with their own eyes that he was signing over the money, and would add their own signatures to that effect.

Astonished and shaken, the widow went to the yeshivah to request that two students accompany her. The old man asked them to witness his signature on the check. For additional security, he asked them for a piece of paper, on which he signed his name once again for authentication purposes. He handed the check to the woman with instructions to redeem it at the bank on the following morning.

The whole business seemed extraordinary to her. Why had the old man, a stranger to her, seen fit to show her such largess -- to the point of covering the entire wedding expenses for her two daughters? Nevertheless, she hurried to the bank the next day to try her luck.

When the bank clerk read the check, he stared at the widow in amazement. He looked at the check again, then again at the widow. In some confusion, he asked her to wait. Check in hand, he went into the manager's office. The bank manager took one look at the check -- and fainted dead away!

A babble of distress and bewilderment arose from every corner of the bank. The clerks, hearing of the incident, hustled the widow into a small room and stood guard over her to make certain she did not leave. Clearly, something was amiss. When the manager recovered consciousness, he demanded to see the woman who had brought in the check. As she stood before him, trembling, he demanded an accounting of how she had come by the check.

"I received it just yesterday from a very respectable Jew. There were two witnesses to his signature, too," she explained anxiously.

"Would you be able to identify the man who gave you the check, if you saw a picture of him?" the manager asked.

"Of course I could! And I have no doubt that the two yeshivah students who witnessed his signature could identify him as well."

The manager reached into his desk and pulled out a picture.

"Yes!" The woman beamed. "That's the man. He's the one who so generously gave me the check."

Slowly, the manager turned to his clerks. "Give this woman the money," he ordered. "And then let her go."

It was only after the widow's departure that he confided his story to those present, who were naturally agog with curiosity.

"The man who gave that woman the check," he said, "was my father -- who passed away 10 years ago. Last night, he appeared in a dream and told me these words:

'Know this. Since you strayed from Judaism and stopped reciting Kaddish for me, my soul found no rest -- until this woman, this widow, came and arranged for the recitation of Kaddish for those who have no one to say it for them. The Kaddish they said for me in the yeshivah, on that woman's instructions, led to ascendancy and peace for my soul.'

"'Tomorrow morning, this woman will appear in your bank with a check that I have given her to cover her daughters' wedding expenses.'"

"When I woke up this morning, I was shaken by the dream. I described it to my wife, who just laughed. But when the woman appeared with the check, I realized that the dream had come true."

(Rabbi Yosef Chaim Sonnenfeld would tell this story, adding that he was one of the yeshivah boys who witnessed the signature.)

What an amazing story!! I got it as an email a while ago and when rereading it now, decided to share it with all of you. You can learn that when a person does a mitzvah, they will get paid back for it at some time. The reward for each thing you do will come - sometimes at a time you expect it least, but need it most.

Another thing I found amazing about this woman is that she took a mitzvah that no one was doing and said, "I will do it!" I remember hearing that a meis mitzvah is also a mitzvah that is "dead," meaning that people are not careful with it anymore. This woman made sure that people were saying kaddish for those who don't have anyone to say it for them. In this zechus, Hashem took care of her when she felt she did not have anyone to help her! Each person can take this lesson to heart and say to themselves, "which mitzvah to I notice that is not being fulfilled properly or fully?" and then see if you can bring an awareness to those around you or try to do something so that this mitzvah is done the right way!

Any other lessons you can take from this story?

What Matters Most...

The first time the Torah mentions money is in this weeks Parshah, Parshas Chaya Sara. The Torah writes about Avraham Avinu purchasing Me’oras Hamachpeila so he can bury his wife, Sarah. I think there is a very powerful lesson to take from here. This is a reminder for us – the Torah is telling us where money goes and that it does not accompany a person when they die!

Whenever we look around and we see different people going about their daily lives, it is very easy to become jealous. This person is pretty, this one dresses so well, she has a nice car, she is always buying new things and she is always happy. It may look like the people you see have a perfect life – problem free! But no! Nobody’s life is perfect! What you see is just on the outside and you have no clue what is really going on behind the makeup and behind the smile, behind the well-dressed person walking down the street. Everyone has their hardships. And although it is easy to become jealous because of what you see on the outside, remember what the Torah says about jealousy – kinas sofrim tarbeh chochmah, it is okay to be jealous of the deeds of a righteous person because then it will push you forward to become better too. So when you see someone who looks like she has the perfect life on the outside, remind yourself where all the money, clothes, jewelry and cars go – they are not here forever!

Instead, look around at the people you see and the way they act and try to see what you can learn from them! That will definitely take you further in life and then you will be happier because you will be using your eyes and heart to search for ways to become better, instead of looking at other people wishing you had the same!
And then, when you look back at how you spent your time, you will see that you have grown as a person, you have used all the chances you had to learn from others, grow and change for the better instead of eyeing what they have and wanting it too!!

Here is a beautiful video that illustrates this point:



What matters most is how you spend your dash, that teeny little line in between the from and to of a person’s life! It does not matter how much money you have, it does not matter how many things you have, what matters is the way you spend your time in this world!
So don't spend your time thinking about the things the people around you have, instead, notice the good things you see people do so you can learn from them and become better!

Thoughts on Elul

I wrote this two years ago and passed it around as an email. I think the message is still so powerful and I hope you gain from it.

If your parents were to give you money to spend on whatever you wanted, there are a few things you could do.

Either you can buy yourself a present with the money they gave you. That would be very nice as that is what they had in mind when they gave you the money. They give you ten dollars, you buy yourself some pizza and ice cream. They give you more, you buy yourself shoes, clothing or a new book. They give you lots of money, you buy yourself something more expensive.

But even better than that, you can use the money they give you to buy them a present. That would be extra special because you are using the money you got to try and repay them for all the good they have given you. They gave you ten dollars, you buy them roses. They gave you more, you buy them a gift to enhance the Shabbos table. They gave you lots of money, you buy an expensive piece of silver.

But imagine if you were to take that money and use it against your parents. They gave you ten dollars, you buy yourself some fuel and matches and burn the house down. They gave you more, you buy yourself some other destructive device and cause untold harm. They gave you even more, you use it to pay for a car and crash into them and kill them.
Sounds ridiculous, no?!
This is what happens when we sin against our loving father, HaKadosh Baruch Hu. He gives and gives and gives to us. He doesn’t stop. And we have choices of how to use the gifts He has gives us.

We can use them to our benefit alone. We can eat the food he gives us and enjoy it. We can sing songs to ourselves and enjoy our beautiful voices. We have eyes, we can use them to read. We can use our ears to hear sounds and our lips to speak words.
But even better than that, we can use our talents to come closer to Him. We can't repay HaKadosh Baruch Hu for a bit of what He does for us, but we can give Hashem a present by using what He gave us to bring Him nachas and joy. We can say brachos on our foods or use our voices to sing songs that will inspire ourselves and others to come closer to Hashem. We can use our eyes to read stories and look at things that will bring Hashem happiness. We can use our ears to listen to words of Torah and use our lips to daven and sing Hashem's praises.

But when we use our body to sin against Hashem, we are giving Hashem a "slap across the face"!! Hashem gives us eyes and what do we do?! We read and look at things we should have never read and seen. We look at people with a jealous eye instead of fargining. Do we look into the siddur and the holy aleph bais when we daven or do we let our eyes wander around the room diverting our attention and getting distracted from our tefillah?!

We are blessed with the ability to hear and what do we use our ears for?! We listen to words of lashon hara and ona'as devarim. We listen to others complaining and then validate them instead of helping them realize that there may be another side to their story. Should we try to listen more when someone is trying to tell us something instead of interrupting them before they finish their thought?!

We were given the ability to speak. How careful are we with guarding our lips? Do we daven and bentch slowly and carefully? Perhaps we can start to say each bracha with more articulation, thereby enabling us to have more concentration when saying it. When we use our mouths and our lips to do aveiros, we are taking the gifts Hashem gave us and using them against Him! What could be a bigger insult to Hashem than that?! "I give you a gift and this is what you do with it?!" Do we want Hashem to chas v'shalom have to wake us up by taking away one of these gifts so we wont be able to use them altogether?!
We just started month of Elul. It is a time for us to really think. We should use this month to give Hashem nachas by showing Him that we are using every part of our body to serve Him. So work slowly. Take one part of your body and tell yourself, "Today I want to work on my brain. How can I fill my brain with positive thoughts and use my brain to get closer to Hashem?" Is this hard? Maybe. But think about the millions of things you can thank Hashem for. You will never get bored with these thoughts. Go through your body and start realizing how much is going on inside of you. Thank Hashem for your health and that your heart is pumping blood throughout your body... Thank Him for your family and friends. Thank Him for keeping you alive. You have so much to be grateful for! Just use your free time to think about all the things you can thank Him for and you will be serving Hashem with your brain!

You can use each part of your body to get closer to Hashem. It just takes a little bit of time and some serious thought. You can do it. Give it a try. See how it works. You'll be amazed by the feeling you'll have when you realize that you are able to use the gifts Hashem gave you to get close to Him. So instead of throwing the gifts He gave us back in His face, let us try to use them to come closer to Him and thereby merit the coming of Moshiach, where we will see Hashem face to face!!