Seder Night

Seder night
House is bright
Full of light
And joy
We sit together
As a family
Each child ready
Haggadas chosen
Wine is poured
As we begin
The tradition
Of Kadeish, urchatz
Singing softly
Happy tunes
Joyous melodies
Uplifting moods
I glance around
The table
Look around
At my kids
And feel blessed
We are here
Together
Healthy and well
Amid uncertainty
Around the world. 
Yet as I look
At my son
And see his choice
Of haggadah
My heart
Falls
And I feel sad
His own haggadah
Should be full
Of divrei torah
From his rebbe
Dictated
Carefully
Written
In his childish scribbles
But understood
With his mature
Understanding
And repeated
With clarity
And he knows which ones
I would like
He should repeat
The gematrias
And remazim
Mathematical calculations
That explain
The meaning
Behind this part
Of the hagaddah
And the deeper meaning
Behind this phrase
In the haggadah
And the story here
And a mashal there
All explained
By his rebbe
Written in his haggadah
In his messy handwriting
But given over
With crystal clear
Understanding.
It should be that way.
Yet
His haggadah is empty
Sure, the pages are full,
Full of the printed words
Of the haggadah
But the lines
The empty lines
Waiting to be filled in
With divrei torah
Dictated
By his rebbe
With love
And passion
Giving over
Stories
And explanations 
Deeper meanings
Behind
Hashem's miracles
And our slavery
None of it
Was filled in
Nothing there
But empty lines
They waited
He waited
For his rebbe
Who wasn't feeling well
To get better
So he could teach
Over the phone
And he could write down
All the explanations
Baruch Hashem
His rebbe is feeling better
And on the last day 
Of learning 
Before pesach 
He was able to
Come onto the phone
To wish the boys
To wish his boys
A gut yom tov
But that was it.
No divrei torah
Written down
Scribbled
No divrei torah
To share
With his family.
So instead,
He chose another haggadah
With beautiful stories
And short explanations
Which was great
And nice
For this time
But for me
The saddest sight
The sight the broke my heart
Was that empty haggadah
With pages waiting to be filled
Because
It represented
The emptiness
The desire
The yearning
For learning
For real learning
And structure
And social interactions
And deeper connections
That exist
In the classroom
Yes, I am grateful
Grateful for life
For this life
For our health
And his rebbe's
Improved health
But I am sad.
I look at the empty pages
Of his haggadah
And wish
We could go back
Rewrite
This time
And fill in
The blanks
The empty pages
And relive
The excitement
That comes along
With seder night
And the full experience
Of yeshiva
In session
With lessons
That are eternal
Embedded
Into the soul
Of my young boy
So he doesn't have to read
From a preprinted
Haggadah
With English translations
And English
Explanations
Instead
He would read
Straight from his book
From his hand written
Illegible - to me
But legible
To him
Thoughts
And divrei torah
That are imprinted
In his heart
Forever.
Hashem...
Please allow our children
To learn from their rabbeim
In their classrooms
With the halls of their
Yeshiva
Reverberating
With the sounds
Of torah
Of singing
With hasmadah
And fire
And excitement
And joy
And bring us back
To your home
To your palace
With joy
And happiness
And tears
Of excitement
So we can sing
And praise you
Forever
And ever. 

Night of Questions

I posted this last year and wanted to share it with you again.

I am standing in the kitchen having a discussion with my son while I work. We are talking about the makkos, and my ever so curious boy has a lot of questions. He really wants to understand.

We go through the makkos one by one and I try my best to describe each of them to him.

I get up to makkas arov, that of the wild animals.

My son has a lot of questions.

"Why did the animals hurt the mitzriyim?" he wants to know.

I give a simple explanation.

"They were so mean to the yidden. The mitzriyim made them work really hard and they hurt them. So Hashem punished them. Are we allowed to hurt? Nooo. We have to be nice to other kinderlach."

I am feeling proud of myself for sticking that little lesson into our conversation.

But my son has his own take on it.

"Hashem is so mean." he tells me.

I stand there open-mouthed for a minute and I just want to pinch my son's cute cheeks.

I try to explain it to him a little more. I explain how Hashem punishes anyone who hurts the yidden and how hard the mitzriyim made the yidden work. How they hit them and the yidden used to cry.

I describe the different animals and what they did to hurt the mitzriyim. How some animals kicked with their feet and how the elephants hit with their trunks.

My son is so "there"; it seems like he is living the story along with those back in mitzrayim.

And then he says, "Mommy, who punished the animals?"

He realizes that no one gets away scot-free. And if the animals hurt the mitzriyim as a punishment for hurting the yidden, then the next step is that the animals must get punished too.

I am done. My mind is racing. I love the way this little kid thinks.

And I wonder...when do WE stop thinking and asking? When do our minds stop questioning and just accept everything we are told?

And more importantly...why?

Why don't we continue to ask?

In Judaism, not only aren't we afraid of questions, but questions are encouraged. We are supposed to ask, inquire, delve, learn and hopefully come out with a deeper understanding and feel more satisfied inside.

On Pesach night, parents do so many unusual things.

Why?

Kidei sheyishalu...so that the little children should ask.

But it's not only the little ones who should be asking.

All of us, no matter our age, should be encouraged to open our minds and our hearts and ask those questions that have be bothering us for some time. And if the Seder night is not the right time for it, save it for another time, but don't forget about it.

So hold on to this message...and never stop asking.

Because the more we ask, the more chances we have for answers. And answers add so much depth and meaning to our lives.

The Seder night is a night of questions. It's a time to think and a time to ask.

May you be able to achieve clarity amidst confusion, depth when you are searching for meaning and may you always find the right people to ask your questions to. And most of all...may you be able to get answers that satisfy you and make you feel like you can keep asking. There is so much growth you can attain when you ask and you learn!

Night of Questions

I am standing in the kitchen having a discussion with my son while I work. We are talking about the makkos, and my ever so curious boy has a lot of questions. He really wants to understand.

We go through the makkos one by one and I try my best to describe each of them to him.

I get up to makkas arov, that of the wild animals.

My son has a lot of questions.

"Why did the animals hurt the mitzriyim?" he wants to know.

I give a simple explanation.

"They were so mean to the yidden. The mitzriyim made them work really hard and they hurt them. So Hashem punished them. Are we allowed to hurt? Nooo. We have to be nice to other kinderlach."

I am feeling proud of myself for sticking that little lesson into our conversation.

But my son has his own take on it.

"Hashem is so mean." he tells me.

I stand there open-mouthed for a minute and I just want to pinch my son's cute cheeks.

I try to explain it to him a little more. I explain how Hashem punishes anyone who hurts the yidden and how hard the mitzriyim made the yidden work. How they hit them and the yidden used to cry.

I describe the different animals and what they did to hurt the mitzriyim. How some animals kicked with their feet and how the elephants hit with their trunks.

My son is so "there"; it seems like he is living the story along with those back in mitzrayim.

And then he says, "Mommy, who punished the animals?"

He realizes that no one gets away scot-free. And if the animals hurt the mitzriyim as a punishment for hurting the yidden, then the next step is that the animals must get punished too.

I am done. My mind is racing. I love the way this little kid thinks.

And I wonder...when do WE stop thinking and asking? When do our minds stop questioning and just accept everything we are told?

And more importantly...why?

Why don't we continue to ask?

In Judaism, not only aren't we afraid of questions, but questions are encouraged. We are supposed to ask, inquire, delve, learn and hopefully come out with a deeper understanding and feel more satisfied inside.

On Pesach night, parents do so many unusual things.

Why?

Kidei sheyishalu...so that the little children should ask.

But it's not only the little ones who should be asking.

All of us, no matter our age, should be encouraged to open our minds and our hearts and ask those questions that have be bothering us for some time. And if the Seder night is not the right time for it, save it for another time, but don't forget about it.

So hold on to this message...and never stop asking.

Because the more we ask, the more chances we have for answers. And answers add so much depth and meaning to our lives.

The Seder night is a night of questions. It's a time to think and a time to ask.

May you be able to achieve clarity amidst confusion, depth when you are searching for meaning and may you always find the right people to ask your questions to. And most of all...may you be able to get answers that satisfy you and make you feel like you can keep asking. There is so much growth you can attain when you ask and you learn!

Chag Kasher v'Sameach!

I just want to wish all of the readers of this blog a very happy and uplifting yom tov.

May you be able to gain from your Pesach seder by making it real to you, reading new and exciting insights on the hagaddah and instilling your heart with love for Hashem and all the miracles He has performed for us from the beginning of time until now.

When you eat the matzah, which is called "bread of emunah", let that emunah seep into your heart. Realize that Hashem and only Hashem is the one who can do anything - from big to small - and put your trust in Him.

When the seder is done, some people say Shir Hashirim - why? Because by the time you finish reading about and truly experiencing yetzias mitzrayim, your heart is bursting with such intense love! So you throw those emotions into the next page - the special song of Shir Hashirim which talks about the love of Hashem and Bnei Yisroel!

May you be zoche to come out of the seder with renewed emunah in and extra love for Hashem and all the good He bestows upon us!

The Pesach Seder-What Takes So Long?