How Can This Be?

Motzei Tisha Bav 2024
Eicha?
How can this be?
How can we still
Be waiting
Yearning
Hoping
For the Geula 
And it still
Has not arrived?
How can we have
Gone through
Another Tisha Bav 
Another fast
Cried
Mourned
About the past
While hoping 
For 
A brighter future
And it still remains
In the future?
Eicha?
How can this be?
How can we still 
Be waiting
Yearning
Hoping
For change?
And the change 
We wait for
Still hasn't 
Come to be?
What change
Do we have to make
Within ourselves
To bring about
The Ultimate change
The change 
We are waiting for
So desperately?
We went through 
The motions
And hopefully 
Aroused 
Emotions
We sat on low chairs
Didn't eat
Or drink
Tried to connect 
And tried to think
We watched videos
That awakened
Even the strongest
Of hearts
Our hearts
Opened up
To the pain 
Of our brothers
And sisters
Who are mothers
And fathers
Sons 
And daughters
Who experienced 
A painful year
We shed tears
We felt the pain
Of galus
In a way
We haven't felt
In previous years
And now...
We continue
To wait
We hoped
There would be
A change
For our nation
We dreamed
Of the day
When it all
Would change
And we wished
Today 
Would have been
That day
But Hashem
Who knows
And sees
Beyond what we
Can see
Knows
That we need
A little more
Time 
Perhaps
The time
Is almost
Here
We hope
And wish
And dream
And yearn
And pray
For the day
When the time
Will be ripe
Until then...
Hashem...?
Please give us
The strength 
To continue 
Hoping
Wishing
Dreaming
And praying
Please help us
Notice
What we need
To change
What we need
To do
So we can
Come closer 
To You
And help us
Take the steps
To come back
To You.
It was a hard day
A heavy day
And we need You
To carry us through
Whatever comes next
Please, Hashem
Look into our hearts
See our yearning 
And our desire to
Connect
To You
To come back
To You
And bring us back
Bring us home
To You.

Windows

I look up
At the clouds
With the sun peeking through
And I seem to see
Windows
Windows to the heavens
And I wonder...
What is going on
Up there
In the heavens?
What happens?
Up high?
Beyond the clouds
Beyond the sun
Beyond all
We can see
What is going on?
Beyond the windows
If only I can see
Through the clouds
Through the shining rays
Understand the days
And nights
Of life.
Yet I cannot
Understand
I cannot fathom
God's ways
I have tried
But I haven't ever
Been able to 
Understand
His plan.
I look up
At what seems like
Windows
And I wish
I wish I could scream
And let my voice pierce 
The heavens
Let my voice reach
The highest heights
And then 
Like a silent whisper
Ask one question
Can I see my brother?
Can I speak to him?
Can I encounter him?
Can I approach him?
Can I spend time with him?
I have so much to ask him
So much to tell him
So much to share with him
So much to do with him
He is gone for so long
But he is not gone
He is in my heart
Never gone
I wish for so much
Wish we could talk
Wish we could spend
Time forever together 
So instead
He's in my head
All the time
And that's where
We spend time together
I think about him
I fantasize about him
About life
My life
With him in it.
He's certainly in my life
But not in the way
I dream of.
He's just in my dreams
But not in my reality
Sure, in reality
He's here
In my son's name
In the stories we share
About him
But it's just in
Our imagination 
I look up once more
Just to be sure
I can't pierce through the heavens
Through the windows above
That look so ready
To be penetrated
With the welcoming rays
Of the sun
I can't see
What's happening
Up there
I can only imagine
And live
The life I'm meant to live
Down here 
In this world of confusion 
Sometimes darkness
Sometimes light
I hold on tight
With all my might
As I continue to forge ahead
Knowing in my head
That Hashem knows
What's best
And He decided 
It's best for me
To be down here
While my brother 
Was taken
To a place up there
A better place 
A place of light
A place of peace
I have made peace
With it
As I pray for 
The ability
And strength 
To continue 
Living
And giving
With light
And love
And help from Above 
With strength 
And peace 
As long as 
I live.
I miss you
Shalom
More than I ever knew I could
I miss you
Shalom
Even though I believe this is for the good
You are in my thoughts
In my breath
In my heart
And in my mind
All the time
I hope I can
Give hope to those
Who have lost hope
Give strength to those
Who have lost their strength
It's through you
And your story
That I hope
I'll be able 
To give
So much
To those
Who need 
So much. 

She's a Gift

It's the seventh night of Chanukah.

Four years ago, on this day, I gave birth to a delicious little girl. We named her Chaya Gitty and she already personifies her name. Full of life and full of goodness, I sometimes wonder if she can be too good. But then I see her acting like a regular, normal, healthy little girl, doing things girls her age should do and I smile inside. She is a gift.

Every child is a gift. It sometimes passes us by and we are too busy to take the time to notice it, but on this day I take a few minutes to think and to be grateful. Grateful to Hashem for giving us such a precious little girl who lights up our home with so much sunshine and joy.

The cute things this little girl says, the way she shares and plays, the amount she absorbs and understands, the purity and innocence of her young heart, every bit of it is something to be grateful for.

And she's so happy. So simply happy. What does it take to make a little girl excited? A new doll. And not a huge 18 inch American Girl Doll (even though she'd be thrilled til the sky to have one of those!), just a teeny little Polly Pocket or a small six inch doll. She doesn't expect much and she's happy with the little things she gets.

What do we expect? 

What happens when things don't turn out the way we anticipated?

Do we pull through, coming out stronger? Or do we succumb because it's just too hard and our dreams have been shattered?

We all have dreams. 

We plan our lives the way we expect them to turn out.

And sometimes, sometimes life just doesn't follow that script. The imaginary life we thought we'd live...with all the hopes and dreams packed into one little fairy tale...turns out to be so different...so much more challenging...yet so much more real.

It's a chance for us to become more real. To discover our essence. To appreciate our strengths and work through our weaknesses so we can become a different person. Stronger, better, more connected...and more whole.

It's okay to wish, to dream...and even to expect to some degree.

But we have to know that Hashem has a better plan. 

Even if it doesn't seem all that wonderful in the moment. 

He has a reason, there is a purpose, and one day, we may even get a glimpse, a little peek, a little bit of understanding. 

It takes work to accept, to let go of the dreams and to create a new reality with the life and challenges we have been given.

But at the end, we will feel happy inside.

To my sweet and precious little girl, I continue to daven and hope that your life continue to be this happy. That you keep that innocence and purity with you for a long time. That you keep being that good little girl, with the right balance of giving and sharing but standing up for yourself when you need to. That the passion you have for doing mitzvos, davening and learning more never leave you...and that you follow on the right path with love every day of your life.

Hashem, I thank you for giving us such a wonderful gift. I can't imagine my family without my little Chaya Gitty in it. And on her birthday, as I take the time to reflect on how lucky I am to have her in our family, I ask you to please give me the strength to take care of her (and all of them), the ability to make the right decisions, and the knowledge I need to be mechanech all of my children to stay on this beautiful and special path we have started on. Let my home be infused with spirituality, positivity and happiness every single day.

Happy Birthday, CG! 

And Happy Chanukah to all!

Lag Ba'omer-Tefillah With Tears

Lag Ba’omer is a day of great simcha and joy. What is the reason for our happiness on this day?

We all know that it is the day that Rebbe Akiva’s talmidim stopped dying and it is also the day that Rebbe Shimon Bar Yochai was niftar. 

We fast on Gimmel Tishrei-Tzom Gedalia, because it was the day that the tzaddik of the generation, Gedalia, was niftar. Why then, on the day that the tzaddik Rebbe Shimon died, are we happy?

Rebbe Shimon revealed the Zohar, the sod-secrets of the Torah, on this day. It says “pekudei Hashem yesharim mesamchei lev”-the laws of Hashem are just and gladden the heart. Since this was the day that a deeper level of Torah was revealed, it is a day of tremendous inner simcha.

*   *   *

R’ Shimon’s parents, Yochai and Sara did not have children for many years. At a certain point, they planned to get divorced after Rosh Hashana of the coming year. On Rosh Hashana, Yochai had a dream. He was sitting near a tree and saw other trees around him being watered while his tree was watered with a special keili, a special pitcher.

He went to his rebbe, R’ Akiva and asked him for the meaning of his dream.

R’ Akiva told him, “There was a malach watering the trees of those who will have children in the coming year. Your wife is an akarah and cannot have children. However, since she davened and cried to Hashem with tears from her heart, the malach used a special pitcher containing all her tears and watered your tree. And this year, you will be blessed with a child!

And that was the year that little Shimon was born…who later became Rebbe Shimon bar Yochai.

We see from here the tremendous power of not just tefillah, but tefillah with tears. When someone davens to Hashem from their heart-whether it is with a siddur or without one-and they cry, those tefillos are extra special. They carry extra weight. 

So as we turn up the sound on the music we can finally listen to and our hearts fill with joy, let us remember the meaning behind this happy time. We are rejoicing because of the special depth of Torah that was revealed on this day. We are preparing ourselves for the giving of the Torah-the source of our inner happiness.

And let us remember that no matter what happens, a Jew can always daven to Hashem. When things are difficult and we cry out to Him, realize how much our He treasures our tears. Our tefillos are precious, Hashem wants to hear us and He does listen to us, at all times.

May you be able to feel true happiness and feel that close connection to Hashem always. Never stop davening for the things you are waiting for-and may you experience yeshuos in your personal life!

Beyond Your Wildest Dreams

I wanted to share a very powerful and inspiring message from this weeks parshah, Parshas Vayechi. Before Yaakov blessed Menashe and Efrayim, he said to Yosef, "Panecha lo pilalti v'hinei her'ah osi elokim gam es zarecha"-I did not imagine seeing your face, and here G-d has shown me even your offspring! (Artscroll translation)

We see from here something incredible. Sometimes, when we are in a difficult situation, we don't see a way out. There is no light to look out for or even attempt to get close to the end of the tunnel and we are too engulfed in darkness and pain. But a Jew must remember, Hashem could do anything!

When you are going through hardships, and can't begin to imagine an outcome anywhere near where your mind wishes it can go, keep in mind that Hashem could take you even further than that.

So...to the single girl going through a difficult family situation and wishing for a way out of her pain, to the childless couple waiting, wishing and hoping for the day when they too will become parents, to the parents running from doctor to doctor with their sick child, to the breadwinner struggling with finances...and to everyone else in between-working through their own day-to-day challenges, know that Hashem is with you every step of the way...and He can bring you a yeshua that surpasses your wildest dreams!

Look at Yaakov Avinu and how he was told that his most precious, beloved son died. Did he ever dream he would see the day where he would be blessing his own grandchildren, the offspring of his son he thought was no longer among the living?

This is the message we can take from this weeks parsha.

When things seem so overwhelming and you can't see a way out of your problems, when everything seems too big and you just want to give up, remember this message and let it empower you to keep pushing, to keep going.

Hashem doesn't need ideas from you of how to get out of your current situation and how to change things for the better. When you daven to Him from he depths of your soul, ask Him to take you out of your darkness in a way that He sees fit. In a way that only He can do. He can take you to far off places..,places further than your imagination has ever gone to!

Imagine for a moment, a holocaust survivor, holding her grandson in her arms...watching him grow and mature into a young man...sitting at his bar mitzvah...and then rejoicing at his wedding. Then...she gets to experience even more joy in her old age. Her grandson becomes a father...and she becomes a great grandmother. Would she have ever pictured the moment when she would hold a great grandchild in her arms, sitting on the couch surrounded by her growing family of grandchildren and great grandchildren? When she was going through so much pain in her younger years, during the holocaust, her mind could not have stretched that far. But here she is. She lived to see he day, to experience nachas and joy that cannot be described in words. And it was Hashem who brought her to this point.

May you be able to continue trusting in and holding on to Hashem no matter what He throws your way and may He surprise you with brachos and yeshuos beyond your wildest dreams!

Know Your Worth

If the image of Jacob's ladder was not the most spectacular prophetic vision ever, it certainly comes close. In his dream, Jacob saw a ladder planted firmly on the ground yet reaching all the way into the heavens, and as he watched in utter fascination, he saw angels ascending and descending the ladder.

Then he wakes up, and lo and behold, it was all a dream. Jacob is shaken, and he reacts rather strangely. How can it be, he laments, that I am in the presence of the Almighty and did not even know it? No expressions of transcendent joy. No ecstatic expansion of the mind as a result of his sublime prophecy. Just chagrin. Why?

Our Sages tell us that he was mortified that he had actually slept in such a holy place. But even this does not fully answer the question. After all, what is so terrible about sleeping on hallowed ground? And if it was really such a terrible transgression, why did the Almighty reward him with this prophetic dream?

The commentators explain that Jacob was disappointed because he had missed an extraordinary opportunity. Had he known that he stood on hallowed ground, had he known he was actually standing in the presence of the Almighty, he would have concentrated on having an even more intense prophetic encounter with Him. But he had been completely oblivious to his surroundings. Indeed, he had gone to sleep!

He could have risen to incredible spiritual levels. He could have attained the most profound prophetic insights. He could have penetrated the deepest secrets of the universe. But he went to sleep. He did have a phenomenal prophetic vision in his dream, but that was where it stopped. So much potential unfulfilled. Such a great opportunity lost. It is little wonder that Jacob awoke disappointed.

A young man came to study in the academy of a great sage. He listened to the sage expound his thoughts and was amazed at their profound wisdom. He bent over the revered texts and pored over every single words in awe. A feeling of humility swept through his soul.

"Oh, what a nothing I am," he muttered under his breath. "What a miserable ignorant nothing."

The sage overheard his words and called him closer.

"Young man," he said, "why do you consider yourself a nothing?"

"Because I am weak, a salve to my physical needs and desires." "I see. And why did you come here?"

"To learn from you."

"If you wish to stay here and be successful," said the sage, "then you cannot consider yourself a nothing. After all, if you are truly nothing, how can you possibly retain wisdom? No, my young friend. Humility is a very good trait, but know your own worth. Know the sublimity of your soul and give it what it deserves."

In our own lives, we sometimes fall asleep on hallowed ground. Driven down by the pressures of everyday life, we can easily fall into the trap of deprecating our own worth.

We consider our shortcomings and our failures, and we tell ourselves we have no business setting our sights very high. But this is a serious mistake.

Never sell yourself short. You are hallowed ground. You possess a holy soul that is a spark of the divine. You are endowed with incredible spiritual treasures and resources. You have a kind nature and a generous spirit.

Most important of all, you are a descendant of the patriarchs, a custodian of the holy Torah here on this world. Your potential is incalculable. You have it within your grasp to reach for the sublime. Don't fall asleep on the job. Don't wake up disappointed after it is too late. Open your eyes and experience the exhilaration of fulfillment.

Taken from Rabbi Naftali Reich at www.Torah.org