Purim-Unmasked

I am sending this poem along with my Mishloach Manos this year. 

Purim is here, a day full of fun
With costumes and smiles for everyone
This year the kids got to make their own choice
We let them express their own inner voice
Often the costumes we choose reflect what's inside
Although all year we may choose to hide
Our inner essence is revealed on this Purim day
By the things we dress up as-it’s as if we say
This is what I want, who I wish I could be
For my little ones it's a giraffe, a policeman and a kallah so pretty
But even adults, we sometimes wear masks
Throughout the year when we go about our daily tasks
We act as if, we pretend and we go on with our day
Even though we wish we were different, we wish we could change
Purim is a day when that mask can be removed
When we can look at ourselves and see how we want to improve
This day can be the beginning of a better you
Just like the Jews in Shushan who were keemu v'kiblu
They accepted the Torah with love in their hearts
And now you can do the same-it is in your power to start
To become the person you always wished you could be
So that next year, when you look back, you'll be proud of what you see
V'nahapoch hu-the miracle wasn't just the physical one
That the decree was revoked and over their enemies the Jews won
There was also a spiritual turnover-inside each and every Jew
They connected to the mitzvos with an excitement that was new
You can harness the power of this day and use it to change something
Becoming better as a person and growing closer to the King of Kings
So that this day will be more than Mishloach Manos giving
It will be used to enhance the way you are living.
So whether the mask you wear is revealing or concealing
May you be able to make those changes, for it is the best feeling
To look in the mirror and be proud of who you became
Knowing that from now on you will never be the same
By using this day to become a new and better you
May you be able to experience an internal v'nahapoch hu! 

Feel free to share this message with others. If you do pass on this poem, I'd appreciate if you left a comment or sent me an email. Thank you.

A freilichen Purim!

Nine Years

Nine years

Nine long years

Until she understood

Why

Until she was able to see

Why

Esther

Simple

Good

Pure

Esther

Was taken 

By force

To 

The king's palace

Of course

I will not be

Chosen

She thought

Of course

I'll go

Right back

Home

But

Surprise of surprises

She was

Chosen

Why?

She didn't understand 

Why?

Why would

A girl so good

A girl so pure

Be chosen for

This task

Did she ask?

Did she question?

Or did she accept

Without questions?

Was her faith

Also simple

Pure

And good

Just like she was?

She lived in the King's palace

For nine years

Nine long years

She didn't know why

She had to live with him

For so many years

She couldn't know why

Couldn't make sense

Of the senseless

So whether she questioned

Or accepted

Without questions

Whether her faith was super strong

Or she felt weak and uncertain at times

One thing remains.

Inside her heart

She didn't understand.

But when she was the one

To save the Jewish Nation

To bring about

The salvation

That's when

She was able to understand

Why

Why she was chosen

Why she had to live

In the King's palace

For so many years.

The confusion

The uncertainty

Turned into

Clarity

It was all crystal clear!

It all made sense!

There were no more questions.

Hashem had a plan

And now

She was able to

Understand.

We live our lives

And many times

We have questions.

We don't understand 

Why

Why things happen

Why we have to go through

Certain challenges

Why we have to live with

Certain things

Why we have to experience 

Tough stuff.

Sometimes

We get a glimpse

A peek

Into why

Sometimes

We can

Understand

Just a little bit

Of why

We see change

We see events

We see things

That could not have happened

Had we not

Gone through

Lived with

Experienced

Certain things

And sometimes

Sometimes

We just can't make sense of it

Sometimes

It just doesn't make sense

And we ask

(Or we think)

Why?

Why??

WHY??

We sigh

We cry

We try

To understand

And we can't

Understand

Hashem's plan

And we get frustrated 

But we must remember

That there IS a plan

There IS a reason

For every single thing

We go through

Every day

Every month

Every year.

Nine years

Is what it took

For Esther 

Queen Esther

To understand

The plan.

It may take us

Nine years

It may take more

And

We may never

Understand

While we are alive

But we must strive

To internalize

This emunah

This faith

That there is a reason

Even when we don't see it

Even when we can't get it

Hashem does

Hashem knows

Why

We have this exact

Life.

And

It is for 

Our ultimate benefit

Our ultimate good

Yes we should

Try 

To internalize

This

Message.

My bracha 

To you is

That you should be blessed with

Strength to pull through

When you can't understand

The power to believe

Really believe

When things don't make sense

The ability to connect

To daven

To seek out

To question

To come closer to

Hashem

When you feel

Confused

Alone

Unsure

Afraid

Just like Esther did

When she was

Confused

Alone

Unsure

And so terribly afraid

When the fate of

The entire Jewish People

Was in her hands

When she stood before the King

And directed her heart

To the King of Kings

With the words

Keili Keili 

Lama azavtani

She asked

She questioned

She expressed 

Her pain

To the Only One

Who has the answers.

May you be able to connect

In the same profound way

And may you be able to see

To know

To really understand

The reason for

Your experiences

I don't know 

How long it will take

But Esther

She waited 

Nine years

May you be able to persevere

Pull through

Your challenges

Your life

And come out

Stronger

As a person

As a Jew

Stronger

In your belief

That the King of Kings

Knows

What He is doing

And may you

Be able to look back

In Nine years

From now

(Or less)

With clarity

Crystal clear clarity

Understanding

Knowing

And believing

Why.

And if you still don't understand

And you still don't know

May you still believe

May you still be strong

In Nine years from now.

Tefillah-Our Essence

A friend of mine emailed the following thought that was passed on to her. Someone heard at a shuir from Rav Tzvi Meyer Zilberstein’s sister.

כי האדם עץ השדה, man-אדם is compared to a tree. The three letters which make up the  word adam are aleph, daled and mem. If we take the inner hidden letters of the word אדם , not the actual letters of אדם  but the remaining hidden letters of those three letters
אלף – the lamed and peh from the word aleph
דלת – the lamed and the taf  from the word daled
מם –  the second mem from the word mem
we are left with the word – מתפלל.
Tefilla is the pnimiyus of Adam, it is our sap and Tefilla has to come from our p'nim and be an avodah shebalev. The more Tefilla is drawn from the depth of our heart, the more powerful it is.
Deep inside the neshama of אדם- he longs to come close to Hashem, and the way to do that is through Tefilla.

What a beautiful thought. 

R' Shimshon Pincus expounds on this throughout his sefer, She'arim B'Tefillah (which has been translated into English, Gates of Prayer). 

Hashem implanted within the nature of the world that when someone is suffering, they call out for help so they will be protected them from harm. If someone screams out for help when they are in trouble, it will arouse the mercy of those close to them and they will rush to their aid.

If you take this on a bit of a deeper level, you can understand something more profound. Any time someone screams, it is really a call-out of tefillah. When someone lacks something, when they are in pain, they call out for help. And their call is really directed to the only One who can help them. 

Even when someone is alone and there is no one around to help, if they feel they are in danger, they will let out a yell. Imagine someone climbing a ladder and it starts to wobble. There is no one around, no one to call out to. But, they will still let out a piercing scream. To Whom is this scream directed? It is a scream that's very source is that of connection, of yearning, of wishing and hoping they will stay safe-even if there is no one at the foot of the ladder to keep it steady. They are calling out to the only One who has the power to keep them safe.

The essence of each person, the inner core, is one of connection. 

Hashem created each of us with many things that are lacking. Although we are very blessed and we have been given so much good, we are lacking in different ways and we feel it daily. Parking spots (especially in this weather!), the need to arrive somewhere on time, safe driving, success at school or work, health for minor and major illnesses, success in our day-to-day lives, we always need something from Hashem. 

Does a day ever go by where you felt that every single thing went right and you didn't need anything from Hashem? 

There's a reason why Hashem made it this way. There is a purpose. 

Since a person knows that Hashem is the only One who can help him, He will naturally direct his call to the Source, the One who has the Power to help him, to save him, to get him out of any predicament. 

Sometimes we need more energy, sometimes we need more strength, sometimes we need things to just go right. We all need some sort of salvation. And Hashem is the One who can bring it about.

When things are hard, when things are going wrong, dig into your soul, into your essence. You were created with an ability and a desire to connect. It is in you. It is part of your makeup. Hashem made you this way so that you will be able to achieve d'veikus, a true, close bond with Him. A connection that can become so strong, if you only tap into your inner self and utilize your moments of need to talk to the One who can help.

May you be able to use the times of need to connect to Hashem and may you be able to get closer to Him on even deeper levels than you've already reached. May you be able to use the good times as an opportunity to open your heart and talk to Hashem, by thanking Him for the blessings you have and may you not need the tough times to get you to draw closer to Him.

Purim Katan

Purim Katan is tonight, Thursday night and tomorrow, Friday.

The Dvar Torah below, emailed to me by a friend of mine, is from Rav Avraham Schorr Shlita regarding the power of tefillah on Purim Katan.

He quoted a Chidushei Harim that explained a reason for the mitzvah of "chayav inush lbisumei bepuryah", the mitzvah of drinking on Purim.

He told a story that happened in the times of the Bal Shem Tov. There was a terrible decree against the Jews, everybody prayed and did various mitzvos but nothing changed and the decree was still in place. Finally, the Bal Shem Tov instructed one of his followers to go to a distant town and find a certain drunkard and bring him back to the Bal Shem Tov. The messenger was advised not to allow the drunkard to drink so that he would be sober when he was brought to the Bal Shem Tov. When the drunkard was brought to the Bal Shem Tov, he asked the drunkard for a bracha that the decree be abolished, he gave a bracha and immediately the decree was annulled.

The Bal Shem Tov explained to his close followers that this person had done an unbelievable mitzvah of saving a girl; the mitzvah of Pidyon Shevuyim and in shamayim they were so moved that it was decreed that whatever this person would ask for would be granted immediately. Suddenly in shamayim there was a big debate, how can a simple person be given such unbelievable power of blessing? Maybe he will use it for the wrong things! So they decreed that he would be a drunkard all the time so he would not even realize this power that was given to him.

"The Chidushei Harim explained that on Purim there is a law that "kol haposhet yad nosnin". Anyone who asks, you have to give. This is true also regarding praying, when we daven to Hashem he has to answer our requests. So to counter this unbelievable power of prayer, the chachomim made the law of drinking on Purim so that we don't use the day for praying for the wrong things. The Chidushei Harim continues that if somebody feels that he wants to be smarter then the chachomim and he won't drink and will sit and daven all day long, he is wrong for not listening to the chachomim." (I am not getting into the issue of drinking vs. not drinking on Purim over here. I am just repeating the dvar torah the way it was sent to me. :))

There is a mishna in megillah that says "ein bain adar rishon l'adar shenie ele krias megillah umatonas levyonim bilvad"; there is no difference between the first adar and the second adar only that you can not do your obligation of reading megillah and presents for the poor.
The power of prayer remains exactly the same; however, by the first adar the rabbis did not make an obligation to drink.

So here we have a day that has the tremendous power of prayer and the chachomim did not counter it with an obligation to drink.

Let us use this Friday to daven to Hashem for all the right things, klal yisroel is living through difficult times and there are many things to daven for...we should be all be zoche to see moshiach bmihera byomeinu.

Today is a powerful day. May you use it well and may Hashem answer your tefillos. 

The Little Leaf

We live near a train station. From our window, we can watch the trains come and go. My little Moishy loves watching them. He gets all excited when he hears the engine of another train coming, stops what he is doing and runs to the window shouting "tchayy".

Recently, we started adding a "look out for trains session" before he takes his nap. Moishy sits on my lap and we look out the window together, waiting for the next train to come. We wave "hi" together and then say "ba-bye" to the train as it disappears from view.

Sometimes, many times, a train pulls up the second we sit down together and look out the window. Other times, it takes a little longer. But...so many times the train comes right away.

And I wonder...I think about the famous story about a rebbe who went on a walk with his chassidim in the forest. One chassid asked his rebbe why so many leaves were falling off the trees. The rebbe said he would watch out for the next leaf that fell and give him an answer.

As they continued to walk, another leaf slowly fluttered down to the ground. 

When the rebbe lifted up the leaf and saw a little worm under it, he explained the following, "This little worm was crawling in the forest and the sun was beating down its back. It was uncomfortable. So it called out to Hashem and cried, "Please Hashem, I am so uncomfortable. I am so small. I don't know what to do to help myself. Please, help me. Only YOU can help me." And so, Hashem commanded the wind to blow over all the trees in that forest. The wind blew and blew until it shook the leaves of one tree and one leaf detached from its branch and slowly fell to the ground. It swished this way and that until finally, it fell down...right on top of the little worm."

R' Yom Tov Ehrlich sings this song in yiddish. I don't remember the whole song, but I do remember the beautiful words at the end. Un der kleineh veremel iz eingeshlufin zees-loosely translated as-and the little worm fell asleep ever so softly...comfortable now, shielded from the blazing sun.

I love repeating this story to my children. It's such a good message for them to hear-again and again. They need to know that every little thing is calculated. Every leaf that falls down to the ground has a purpose. That Hashem takes care of every single person. If Hashem cares so much about the comfort of one little worm who called out to Him in prayer, don't you think He cares about each one of us? How important it is for us to call out to Hashem when we are uncomfortable. How it doesn't matter if it's something small, like if we are cold or hot or itchy or whatever, we can ask Hashem for anything. Nothing is too small for Him. And He cares. And He listens. And He answers....sometimes. (I don't tell them about the sometimes yet...they are not old enough to understand that there is so much that we cannot understand. :))

And I wonder...while I am sitting there on the bed with Moishy on my lap, looking out for the next train to come, is that too calculated? 

I wonder...there are so many people waiting for the next train. Some of them are in a rush, some of them are in no rush at all, many of them busy with their phones, tablets and games. Perhaps some people take a few steps forward and look out to see if the train is coming, if it is at the next station.

When the train finally does come, is that calculated for my little boy? Is that Hashem's way of giving over this message? I wonder if He's saying to all the passengers waiting to move on with their day, to get to work, to shop, back home or wherever they need to go...You need to wait another 30 seconds. There is a mother getting her son's pacifier and blanket together and they will be looking out the window in another few moments. This train has to come at that precise minute. Just another few seconds and your train will arrive...so that mommy and baby can come to the window and see the train at the exact moment that they sit down together.

Is this also part of Hashem's plan?

I like to think it is. It makes me feel loved and cared for.

It helps me see Hashem in the little things. So that when I have a hard time seeing Him in the bigger things, in this big confusing world I live in, I can know without a doubt that every single thing is calculated. That He knows what He is doing. Even when I don't see it. Even when I don't understand.

While I wait for the train to come roaring down the tracks, I have the daily opportunity to remind myself that Hashem  IS there. He IS watching. He IS taking care of me...of my little baby...and He is watching over the whole world with precision that can only be attributed to Hashem Himself. 

Thank you, Hashem, for this reminder.

Problems

While going through my 10th grade journal full of articles and poems I wrote for writing class, I found the following. I wanted to share it with you. 

Did you ever think about how bad life is?

We have so many problems.

Little kids have problems. They scraped their knee. Their friend didn't share their snack with them. They didn't get a red smiley sticker. They couldn't stay up until 8:00 like their big brother. Their arts and crafts ripped. They couldn't wear their favorite dress today. They didn't get a red lollipop. They left their snack at home. They weren't picked for Shabbos Mommy. Their Morah didn't let them be chazanis. They didn't have a stationary collection like the rest of their class.

Teenagers have problems. They failed a test. They didn't get into dance for the school play. Their teacher looked at them the wrong way. They have 15 detentions. They have ugly braces. Their haircut didn't come out good. They don't have "any" clothing. They have too much homework and no free time. They didn't get accepted to camp. They have politics. They have no talents. They have too many boring teachers who just cant understand why they always fall asleep during class. They just found another pimple and they are so ugly. They are so fat and must go on a massive diet. They cant get the phone at night so they have no time to "socialize."

Some people have problems, lo aleinu. They lost a parent. They have a sick child who needs constant care. Their best friend was killed in a suicide bombing. They lost a child. They are struggling to put bread on the table. They have a relative fighting in the war against Iraq. They have a special child who must have expensive therapy to continue. And the list goes on and on and never ends.

Now look at these problems and see how much you have.

You have a pure neshama returned to you every morning. You wake up each morning to a beautiful sunrise. You have eyes that see the beauty of nature. You have ears that hear all the everyday sounds that are taken for granted. You have clean air to breath and food to eat. You have a brain that works. You have a roof over your head. You have loving parents. You have siblings who care about you and friends to lean on. You have a beautiful world to live in. think about this and think about where it's coming from. Acknowledge who it's coming from and thank Him. If not, Hashem will have to make you acknowledge it using another method.

One last question I have for you: Did you ever think about how good life is?

Breaking Habits

Today, vav Shvat is my hebrew birthday.

Last year, on my birthday, I took something really small upon myself. I wanted to break a habit. I wanted to stop doing something I've been doing for years. I started on my birthday and continued with my progress daily. The first few weeks were hard. I would keep slipping up...and every time I'd catch myself I'd remind myself to stop.

With time, I would slip less and less often. I'm not sure exactly how much time it took, but by  now I can say that I officially broke that habit. And it's a good feeling.

Growth in Judaism must be done in baby steps. We hear it all the time. The trick is to act on it. To take that first step towards change.

In her book, The Committed Marriage, Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis talks about the concept of shteiging, of constantly developing ourselves and our characters and growing in our relationships. She quotes her husband who explained this concept so well. If you were told to read the phone book and remember all the names, addresses and telephone numbers, you would give up immediately. However, if someone asked you to memorize just one name, one address, and one telephone number every day, you would do it easily and you would be able to retain that information.

The same is true with changing ourselves, our habits and our personalities. If we thought about the person we want to become one day-the ideal perfect person we want to be-it would be too overwhelming and we would probably give up before we even started. On the other hand, if we were to make one little change, take on one little mitzvah, work on one bad habit and do it one day at a time, we would be able to master it. We would be able to make real changes. The trick is to do it slowly. One day at a time, one thing at a time.

On my birthday, I realize that change can happen. I look back at this past year and I see how much has changed, how much I have changed. When I try to look ahead, I feel overwhelmed. The coming year is full of uncertainties and unknowns. I daven to Hashem to help me become a better me, the me that I am meant to be...and I know that I will have to take the steps to change slowly and I can only do it with His help.

My birthday is also a time for me to reflect on the brachos Hashem has given me and to thank Him for them. Hashem has given me the greatest gift of all...the gift of life, the gift of a family, my precious children. They are all intertwined. I don't know where I would be without my adorable little kids who keep me going, push my buttons, make me laugh and cry and overwhelm me with stress and gratitude and everything in between. I am so grateful for them. 

I have learned so many lessons this year. Hashem helped me strengthen my trust in Him in so many ways. Although I don't ask for challenges, when I look back and see how they have affected me, I can appreciate the growth and change that came about because of them. No, I don't want any more tests. But I know that I am not the same person I was a year ago...and that is because of the life Hashem is playing out for me...and because He is strengthening me and helping me every step of the way. I believe in Him more, I trust in Him more and (I hope) I talk to Him and connect to Him even more than before.

On my birthday, I like to give my readers a bracha. So...here goes :)

May each of you be able to zero in on the things you know you need to change and take small and steady steps to be able to break bad habits and start good ones. May you feel Hashem at your side, helping you become the person you want to be. When you feel your strength waning, may you feel Hashem strengthening you-because change is harddd...and even with small steps, you will still need His help to keep at it.

May you be able to notice and appreciate the good you have been given and may Hashem continue to shower you with so much bracha and good things. He should keep each of you happy and healthy always and give you many reasons to keep thanking Him.

Almost every person is awaiting a yeshuah of some sort. Whatever it is that you are waiting for, whether it is health, parnassah, a shidduch, a job, children, shalom bayis, nachas from children, clarity in your purpose in life, answers to tough questions, an end to stressful times, family harmony and peace, Hashem should send that yeshuah so soon. Keep davening for the things you are waiting for. May that connection to Hashem get stronger and not weaker, may that bond never be severed and may you be able to see Hashem answer your tefillos in the best possible way.

And...as easy as it is for me to give out brachos, that's how easily Hashem should make them happen! It's easier for Him to make those changes than it is for me to type up this blog post! :-)

Birthday wishes, brachos, cake, chocolate and ice cream...I take all of those! :-)