Kabballos and Segulos

While my (husband's) grandfather was sick, I took something really small upon myself as a zechus for his refuah shelaima. The situation did not look good and from a medical standpoint there was nothing left to do. The doctors gave him six months to a year to live and all that was left to do was to pray. And pray we did. 

Kabballos. It's an interesting thing. Why do we take things upon ourselves as a zechus for ourselves or other people? Why do we do it?

I knew why I was doing it. Yes, I was doing it as a zechus for my grandfather's refuah...so that he should get better and outlive the doctors prediction. But what would happen if that was not meant to be? What if Hashem had other plans?

When we take something upon ourselves for a specific reason, as a zechus for a specific thing and then we do not get what we wanted, we are in big danger. We are playing around with something very serious-our emunah in Hashem.

Do we believe that when we do something good and ask Hashem for something in return, he will definitely give it to us? If He does not give it to us-be it acceptance into a specific school, camp or seminary, the job or shidduch we want within the time frame that we ask for it, or a yeshuah in a personal matter-will we stop believing in Him or in the power of our good deeds?

That can be very dangerous. 

We don't understand Hashem's ways. We don't understand why He says yes sometimes and no at other times. Why is it that sometimes when someone does a segulah (warning: hazardous word!) or a specific good deed as a zechus for something they want, does it sometimes work and sometimes it does not?

Why?

First, it is not meant to "work". This is not a business deal. Hashem does not operate the way a vending machine operates. Put in a coin, press a button and get what you want. 

Is that what we are here for? To try to manipulate Hashem into giving us whatever we desire?

Of course not.

We are here to work on ourselves. To become better, more giving, caring people. People who follow the Torah, do the mitzvos and keep the halachos we are meant to keep. 

So when we take something upon ourselves, we need to remember WHY we are doing it. We are saying more tehillim so we can connect to Hashem more. We are giving tzeddakah so we can become more caring, sensitive and benevolent people. We learn more halachos so we can start to keep them. We say brachos properly and slowly so we can increase our appreciation to Hashem for the good that He gives us. 

If Hashem chooses to give us more good after we did something extra, kol hakavod. That's wonderful. But that's not why we should be taking these good things upon ourselves. That shouldn't be the goal.

Why not?

Because what happens when we do not get it? What happens when Hashem has other plans? 

We loose faith in the whole system. The system that we set up for ourselves that is not real, that is not true.

I'm sure there are people who can go on and on with stories of tried and true segulos...things that they say "worked". And guess what? For all those stories, I am sure that there are stories of segulos-those same ones-that people did...and did not "work". I know plenty of them. For whatever reason, Hashem did not send that yeshuah, did not send that shidduch, give that couple a child, cure that sick person...and either it had to wait or it didn't happen at all.

My grandfather passed away on Friday. 

When I took that teeny thing upon myself, something I knew was doable yet would take work and constant concentration and focus on my part, I don't think I thought about the end result. If he would make it or not. I just wanted his life to be prolonged, for him not to feel pain...for him to be healed. I knew I was asking for a miracle. And I knew that Hashem could do anything. 

But...now that it's over, will I stop? Will I be angry at Hashem for not giving me what I wanted? Do I have any regrets for taking something not-so-easy upon myself?

No way.

And I will continue doing what I've been doing. I will not stop. It will be a zechus for his neshama to go higher...and it will also have an affect on me. I will become a little different by keeping at it. 

If this kabballah helps me be different, follow one halacha the way it was meant to be done, increase my awareness of Hashem in my life in just a small way, it was worth it. I have no regrets for doing something and not getting what I wanted. Of course, I wish he would be healed, I wish my grandfather could come back to life and we'd have more time to spend together...but that part is in Hashem's hands. 

I needed to do mine. 

And I did.

Without expectations.

And I will not stop.

Hashem gives, Hashem takes...yehi sheim Hashem mevorach. May Hashem's name be blessed. 

May this post be a zechus for the neshama of David ben Aharon a"h to go higher. May you continue to look down at us with pride and may the mitzvos we do every day elevate your soul.

Today-Yud Aleph Cheshvan

I posted the following thought in the past, but I want to share it with you again and add a little more to it this time.

Today, Yud Aleph Cheshvan is Rachel Imeinu's yartzeit. It is a very powerful day, a day when our tefillos can be accepted on a deeper level.
I remember learning the following in 10th grade from my teacher, Reb. Slomowitz…(b’shem omro, I hope it brings the geulah real quick because we really need it!)

When we speak about Rachel Imeinu, we say, “Kol B’ramah nishma…Rachel mivaka al baneha ki eineinu…” a voice is heard on high…Rachel is crying about her children…

The word mivaka seems to be grammatically incorrect. The definition of mivaka is to cause someone else to cry. The question is, why do we use this term for cry? If Rachel is crying for us on high, (as we know that Hashem says that her tears are going to bring the geula, not the tears of any of the avos) why is the term "causing to cry" used?! It should probably say, Rachel boche, Rachel "is crying" because she is constantly crying for us to come out of galus!

The answer is, that Rachel Imeinu is crying because we Jews are not crying! She is trying to get us to cry out of the pain of galus because we seem to forget where we are. Hashem puts us through so much pain and suffering in galus and our job is to cry out to Him and BEG Him to take us out! But instead, we try to ignore the pain we are in and try to run away from it by using all sorts of escapes and distractions. We forget that we are in galus by making ourselves comfortable here. We try to enjoy life to the fullest instead of remembering that we are supposed to be davening to come out. What we have to do now is cry out to Hashem and beg and plead for Him to take us out!

I realized today...how often do we think about this? How often does the fact that we are in galus cross our mind?

Not too often, probably.

We cry out to Hashem to help us deal with our personal problems, we ask Him to bring yeshuos, refuos, give parnassah and bless us with peace and happiness. But do we remember to ask Him to redeem us?

So today, let's take a minute to think about it, really think about it. 

And daven. And ask. 

Rachel is trying to get us to cry, to feel uncomfortable in galus. If you've ever been at her kever, you will experience yourself what it means to see people come there and cry out to their mother-as if she is their real mother. People daven, beg and plead for their personal yeshuah to come. They cry on her kever as if it is their mother's shoulder. I've seen it. I've done it too. It is a special feeling...a feeling of close connection and love and...something that's hard to describe in words. To come out of there feeling as if you unburdened yourself and left a part of you with Someone who heard is incredible. 

Although we cannot be there today, let's take the message of this day into our hearts and daven to Hashem to take us out of this galus.

It's time...don't you think?!

One day-hopefully soon-Hashem will tell Rachel Imeinu, “Minee koleich m’bechee v’einayich midim’ah,” Rachel, you can stop crying, because “v’shavu banim ligevulam,” Bnei Yisroel will return to their boundaries!

May we all have the zechus to see these very words come true!

Special Moments

My friend, R.P. wrote this after she went to a simchas beis hasho'eiva and gave me permission to post it here. Can you relate to this? Has it ever happened to you?

Sometimes I feel a real deep inner feeling
Deep inside me

That is fulfilling
And I wonder about it
And I realize
That it's moments of real deep inner connection with you, Hashem
It's feelings of a complete sense of inner happiness and peace

It's sparks of true inspiration that you send throughout my life
It's the peak of what I can reach and live up to
But it's only a few moments long
And as soon as it's gone,
The desire grows stronger,
And I want it back,
But I know the work is up to me,

To take those precious moments

And try as much as I can to reach that peak of what I felt
And to make it a part of me,
To be everlasting.
Those moments also help me continue and move on, when it's becomes hard

When you feel so far away

And I remember about them
And it becomes easier for me

Those moments are a special gift from you, Hashem.

I just want to thank you for them.

So Lucky

I love our nation. I am so lucky to be part of the Jewish People. I know it good and well but there are times that I feel it.

Yesterday was one of those times.

I was waiting quite a long time for a bus and my baby was getting antsy. After a few minutes of kvetching to come out, I took him out of the stroller.

"Cuppa." He was thirsty. His sippy cup was empty. He got mad.
And he started to cry.
I had no time to go buy another water bottle for him because the bus showed up just then.

(First moment)
I was holding my cranky baby in one hand and wheeling the stroller towards the bus with the other when a girl came over, held onto the bottom of  the stroller and helped me onto the bus. No questions asked, of course! This is what Jewish people do! 

I couldn't pay the driver with my screaming baby in my arms. I wheeled the stroller to the back of the bus while struggling to calm him down. One woman held the stroller in place so it shouldn't roll away. When another woman saw me holding the money but unable to get to the front to pay the driver, she offered to do it for me. And she did. (That's moment number two and three.)

A few minutes later, my baby still yelling (and kicking :)) and refusing to sit in his stroller or on a seat, a mother offered to give him a bag of chips. (moment number four.)
I thanked her but explained that he just had a whole bag of chips while we were waiting for the bus. Now he was thirsty but there was no more water left in his sippy cup.

Within seconds, another woman reached into her bag and pulled out a new water bottle and gave it to me. She refused to let me pay for it. (moment number five.)
As soon as my son saw the water bottle, he started to calm down. I opened it, poured some water into his sippy cup and the bus was completely quiet...all eyes were on my baby drinking with such intensity. He was thirsty.

The bus got to my stop but my baby was still not strapped into his stroller. I didn't have to blink before a young girl stepped in front of me and helped me off the bus. After all, this is what is done. There was no need for me to ask anyone for help! (moment number six.) 

Thank you, all the mothers and girls on the bus who showed their care and concern for another Jewish woman, another little crying baby. I doubt you'll be reading this, but I do want to thank you from the bottom of my bursting heart-bursting with pride to be part of a nation like ours. 

Thank you, Hashem, for giving us the Torah that teaches us how to treat others with such love.

I feel so lucky. So lucky to be part of a nation that instills good middos and ahavas chinam into the hearts of their young children...children who grow up to be caring mothers, not just caring about their own children, but caring about all of Hashem's children.

May the zechus of the ahavas chinam displayed and the incredible "Mi K'amcha Yisroel" feeling I experienced yesterday bring so much bracha and gezeiros tovos onto our special nation. May we be able to unite in ways like these-doing chessed for one another throughout the year.

After Succos

Succos-it’s over

It passed

But it shouldn’t really be over

It should be something that passes us by

It should be something

Something we internalize

Something we grow from

So many special days

So many days of connection

Of family time

Of shul time (for some)

Of home time (for others)

Of taking care of kids (for me!)

Of enjoying our families

But somewhere in middle of those days

Did some inspiration creep in?

Are we closer to Hashem now?

Did we learn to rely on Him more

Did the sukkah teach us

Just how dependent we are on Him?

Did we breathe in the cool (warm) air

While we were outside?

And let the emunah seep into our bones

While we felt the wind blowing softly?

While we felt the sun shining down on us?

Felt Hashem’s love

Felt Him taking care of us?

Did we let the hashpa’os of succos

Enter our souls?

Are we more connected now?

Are we more aware now?

Of how much He does for us?

How much we need Him in our lives?

Of how we want to be better?

Different, maybe?

So many days

Yamim Nora’im

Awesome days

Days of closeness-perhaps

Days of connection-hopefully

Days of introspection-sometimes

Busy days-for sure

What do we come out with

When we are done?

There’s a lot more to Simchas Torah

Than dancing just for fun

(Or watching the men run

Round and round

Clapping to the happy sounds)

Torah-it’s our life

It’s the way we want to live

It’s the goals we aspire to

And so, so much more

(No way to fit it here

That’s for sure!)

Watching people who immerse themselves

In our holy books

Their faces look

So happy

So shining

So joyful

Knowing-

That living a life of Torah

Following our Torah

Brings so much joy

(And sometimes pain)

Yet there’s so much to gain

When we follow the right way.

May we all be able to

Internalize

These messages

Grow from these days

Instead of just letting these days pass

Like a thing of the past

We made it through

Yes we did it-

Three 3-day yomim tovim

It may have been tough

We may have thought-enough!

Enough food

Enough noise

Enough messes

Enough toys

But…

There is something special to take

From these days

And if we take something special

For ourselves

In our hearts

Change

From these days

We will know

We did

What we were supposed to

We grew

And that’s what we’re here for.

Growth.

Always.

Every day.

At every moment in our lives.

May this year be filled

With many opportunities for growth.

Keep climbing!

Succos-Strengthening Our Emunah

Every yom tov is meant to instill deeper levels of emunah into our hearts. 

Succos is a special yom tov that comes after the inspiring days of Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur. On Rosh Hashana, we remind ourselves once again that Hashem is the King and Ruler of the world. We are mere mortals and everything that happens to us is in His hands.

Anu tzonecha v'ata ro'einu-you are our Shepherd...we depend on you for every little bit of sustenance. Just like the sheep walks after the shepherd, following every step...we follow Hashem too and He takes care of us, nourishes us when we are thirsty, physically and spiritually. Sometimes we see it physically, when we rely on Hashem for things and He gives us exactly what we need and other times we can even see it spiritually-if we look out for it-we will see how He sent us the people or inspiration to help us move forward and grow exactly at a time we needed it most. Or He may put us in a situation where we feel like we must turn to Him and only Him, thereby strengthening our connection with and trust in Him. We don't ask for it...but when we grow from our life and our challenges, we know that there was a higher purpose to whatever happened.

On Yom Kippur, we stand before Hashem and attempt to cleanse ourselves from our spiritual lowliness, admitting to the times we fell, acknowledging that although we are human beings and we stumble daily, we want to be better, we want to be different. We ask Hashem to forgive us for the past. We look inside our hearts and remember things only we know about ourselves...and ask Him to see inside our souls, to see the person we want to be...and to help us get away from the things we wish we would never have done and to help us move forward towards spiritually better people.

Succos is a whole different yom tov. It is a time where we leave our homes, our comfort zones and we put into practice the things we already know in our heads. We leave our homes-why? To show-with actions-that we rely totally and completely on HaKadosh Baruch Hu. That the material things we have do not matter. What matters is not the fancy house, the outer trappings...what matters is what is going on inside our souls. Of course, we still make the mitzvos beautiful, we adorn our little huts, our temporary houses with all sorts of decorations...but we remind ourselves on a deeper level about what really is important in life. 

At the end of our lives, we will not take those things with us, not the chandeliers and not the fancy napkin rings. Not the clothing or the money or the shoes or the jewelry. Yes, we use the things we have to enhance our yom tov, to make nice dishes in honor of the special day, to serve them beautifully so we feel the joy of this holiday. When we use the things we were given to make yom tov more beautiful, that is a mitzvah. But we know that these things are not just for having-they're for elevating. They're for sharing. The most beautiful sukkah is one that is adorned with guests. :-)

And we leave our homes to remind ourselves Who we really rely on for the materialistic things we need, for our parnassah. When we leave our homes, we are in essence saying, Hashem, I am leaving my home because I want to show how I am totally dependent on you. I go out of my comfort zone, I go out of the house that belongs to me, the place I own and I go into Your shelter. I am under Your wings. You are the One who protects me always. You are the One who takes care of me at all times. It is You who provides for me and gives me every single thing I need. I am out in the open, under the clear blue sky, under Your sky. 

I know that everything comes from you. I know that everything I have comes from Your giant, unlimited hand. And I know that if there is anything I ever need, I can turn to you and ask for it. You are the Source of all that I have, all the bounty I have been blessed with and you are the only One who can...and will...give me everything I will ever need.

May you be able to enter the sukkah with these thoughts in mind and continue to strengthen the emunah you have in Hashem. May the things you know in your head but don't yet feel in your heart travel through that long passageway...like a great rav once said-the greatest distance to be traveled in this world is from the head to the heart. May you be able to use this yom tov to connect to Hashem on an even deeper level, internalizing the things you already know...and may it be a truly Chag Sameach for all of you!

Never Too Late

I posted this two years ago. It's a long one-but it is so powerful and inspiring and so worth the read and the message!

Chazzal teach us that Chizkiyahu Melech Yehudah was amongst the greatest leaders of our people. He enacted laws that would cultivate Gedolim and Talmidei Chachomim in all of Klal Yisroel and our people flourished under his reign. Yet, Chizkiyahu saw with prophecy that he was destined to have a child who would be as wicked as he was righteous. He was thus afraid to produce a child. However, he was advised not to engage in influencing and tampering with the destiny and master plan of Hakadosh Baruch Hu. It was not his 'cheshbon' to influence the heavenly ordinances.

He understood the message and bore this child whom he named Menashe. Sure enough, Menashe grew up to be one of the most wicked people in our history. Where his Father had promoted spirituality, Menashe stifled it. Under his reign, our leaders were killed and their "blood flowed through the streets". Torah learning was forbidden and idolatry carried the day. Chazzal tell that Menashe was ultimately captured by opposing forces and thrown into a cauldron of burning water. As he lay trapped in the water with his flesh burning off his body, the Gemorah says that he began to call out to all of his idols by name, imploring them to save him from his predicament! He begged this idol, the other idol etc. Of course, none of these idols whom he had worshipped his entire life, came to help him in his time of need! Finally, the Gemorah relates that when Menashe was at the end of his rope, so to speak, he called out to Hakadosh Baruch Hu with the following proposal:

He said "Hashem, please help save me from my predicament - for if you do not, then "kol anpin shavim" - You are all the same! Meaning; - Menashe was telling the Ribbono Shel Olam - "look, I called out to all of my Idols and they could not help me. Now I am calling out to you. If you cannot help me either, then you are just like them; you are all the same!

The Gemorah relates that the Angels quickly intervened and closed the Sharei Shamayim (Gates of Heaven) so that the pleas of this Rasha would not reach the Kisei Hakavod! What happened next is a complete mystery. Hakadosh Baruch Hu "drilled a small hole" in his heavens to allow the voice of the dying Menashe to come up to his throne and he proceeded to save Menashe's life in a most miraculous way (as the Gemorah tells).

This story is a complete mystery!

For one thing, why did Hashem decide to save the life of this Rasha - who had spent his entire life rejecting Hakadosh Baruch Hu while attempting to wipe out all vestiges of spirituality from our people? Moreover, when Menashe finally did reach out to Hashem, look at the seeming Chutzpah with which he approached this! He actually makes conditions with Hashem! He equates Hashem with his worthless idols and says that If Hashem doesn't help him, then he is the same as the rest of those idols!! The sheer chutzpa of this statement! Of course the idols were not in a position to save him! They cannot! However, if Hashem were not to save him, it would be completely justified...after all, he didn't deserve it!

There are really two puzzling questions here

1. Why did Hashem save him?
2. What was the meaning behind Menashes cryptic and seemingly brazen plea to Hashem?

The answer to these questions is incredibly beautiful and a lesson for all of us.

Menashe's plea to Hashem was beautiful and profound in its depth. He was actually telling Hakadosh Baruch Hu the following:

"Look, I know what a Rasha I have been all of my life and that I am completely unworthy of your salvation. However, my Father (Chizkiyahu) always taught me as a child, that our Father in heaven displays kindness without boundaries or limitations. I was taught that your mercy for your children is without borders and not impeded by and contained within the framework of any yardstick or measure. Therefore, if you do not save me now in my time of need and despair, this would be an indication that I have simply strayed too far and that I am beyond salvation. This would mean that it is actually possible for a human being on this Earth to sin so badly, that he would actually place himself beyond the scope of your mercy. This means by extension, that your mercy is finite; that it is limited by the constraints of finite boundaries. If this is the case, then you are not the Hashem I was taught about in my youth!!

Upon hearing his pleas, the Malachei Hashareis moved quickly to block his prayers from advancing to the Kisei Hakavod. However, Hashem destined otherwise. Hashem created an opening for Menashe's tefillos to reach his heavenly throne and he actually granted him his request and saved his life!

Why?

Hashem wanted to make an example of Menashe and to teach all future generations that it is never "too late" to do Teshuva and to repent. Indeed, there is no such thing as a Jew straying too far from the fold...there is no such thing as Hashems' patience and mercy being overridden by the sins of a Jew.

No Jew is ever beyond salvation, because G-Ds' mercy and patience is without boundaries or limitations!

Indeed, the lesson we take from Menashe ben Chizkiyahu Melech Yehudah, is both profound and timely. It is never too late for a Jew to do Teshuva and come closer to Borei Olam!

Heard From Rav Shimshon Pincus zt"l; OhrShimshon.com

More Time

I got a ticket.

For an expired meter.

I was frustrated and upset. 

I rushed out of a store after waiting on line for way too long and saw the two police officers...slowly walking away from my car. There was the familiar orange color of the ticket tucked into my windshield. I ran.

I ran after them. 

I begged and pleaded with them to please take the ticket back, do something, anything so I wouldn't have to pay the money.

"Buy a new one," one of the police officers said. "There's nothing I can do, but quick, buy a new meter card and I'll explain..."

"But..." I stammered

"Just buy it-if there are six minutes between the time on the ticket and the time on your new meter card, you..."

I didn't listen to the rest. 

I got a quarter, quickly put it into the machine and checked the time. It said 2:13pm.

I grabbed the orange ticket and compared the time. I was "caught" at 2:09pm. My new meter card showed four minutes after the time the ticket was issued.

I waited for the policeman to explain the rest, while trying to calm my pounding heart.

"Now you have a way out," he explained. "Since there are less than six minutes between the time you were ticketed and the time on your new card, you can now fight the ticket. There is a six minute grace period...and you can say that you were in middle of getting a new card and you had to get quarters from your car and during that time you got a ticket."

I'm not sure about the lying part and making up a story, but if there is a way for me to get out...if the judge will give me six minutes of time...I will not have to pay this ticket. I am grateful.

Rosh Hashana is almost here.

We feel so unprepared.

What?? Elul passed already?

It's been almost 30 days...what do we have to show for ourselves?

But Hashem is a Ba'al Rachamim.

He is not out to get us. He doesn't want us to trip...to fall...to have to pay for our mistakes, for our negligence, for our lateness.

And so we were give the gift of Teshuva. And the gift of time. And more time.

When we repent, show real, true regret for the things we may have done wrong, the good things we should have done but never did, the lost opportunities, the mistakes we made, Hashem listens.

He is aware of the circumstances that may have caused us to fall. And unlike the police officers who didn't care about the long line that caused me to be delayed by a few minutes, Hashem understands and takes all those "excuses" into account. 

When we are sincere about the kind of person we wish to become, Hashem hears.

When we ask Him to help us change, because it is just too hard for us to do it alone, Hashem listens...and He will help us.

But more than that, Hashem blessed us with time...and more time.

Yes, the meter is running out, but we can "buy another card." After Rosh Hashana, we are given ten days, the aseres yimei teshuva and after that we have Yom Kippur.

Look at how much rachmanus Hashem has!

He keeps giving us more and more time to do teshuva and come closer to Him!

That is not to say that we should push it off to the last minute (even though the last minute is almost here!). We should utilize the time we have now to think. Think about the past year...and the coming year...and the brachos we would like to see in our lives...and the changes we would like to see in ourselves...and start now. 

We may feel discouraged by the fact that so much time has passed and we haven't even made a dent in the changes we wish we could make, we didn't use Elul much...and we went through our daily routines without even thinking about teshuva. But we should not dispair! Just like when the meter was out, instead of slowly strolling back to my car, I RAN, we can all run now. Instead of sauntering through the next few days as if we don't have a care in the world, let's show Hashem how becoming the person we want to be is important to us. Let's show Hashem that we want to change, we want to become better, different, elevated, spiritual, growing people. 

Let's use the little time we have left to think about the past year...the things we did that we wish we would never have done, things we may have read, watched, listened to, spoken about...and let's think about ways we can put up safeguards so that we don't stumble every time. Yes, we may fall, but falling is part of the process of growing. And like a trampoline, realize that sometimes we can jump even higher because of our downs, because of our falls. It is all part of the beauty of spiritual growth.

Change isn't easy. But we are given another gift-the gift of tefillah. And we can ask Hashem to help us become the person we dream of becoming. It may seem far off...but with baby steps, we can get there.

Thank you, Hashem for the gift of teshuva. Please help all of us use whatever time we have left until the yom hadin to utilize that gift...to the fullest!

Baby Talk

"Aah-pi-dee coo-key"

I'm walking back from the bus stop with my baby and my neighbor. 

"He wants me to open his bag of cookies...isn't that cute?"

"I would have no clue what he was talking about!" she says.

And I'm reminded about something I heard a while back about tefillah and the way we daven. 

When a little baby or toddler who is just learning how to talk starts to communicate in his own language, only his own parents can truly understand the things he is saying. He is not using real words yet, just a combination of sounds...but every sound has real meaning...to him. And his mother and father know exactly what he means to say with each sound that comes out of his mouth. 

But a stranger wouldn't understand at all. 

When we daven, there are times when we mumble the words, don't pronounce them correctly...and just rush through our tefillos. We can't always say the words the way they were meant to be said, with the proper pronunciation and concentration. 

After all, we are human beings.

But Hashem is our Father. And He understands the thoughts and feelings behind the words we say. He understand what we really mean to say, even if sometimes we're talking in baby talk.

He knows we really want to praise Him. He knows that we really mean to ask him for health, parnassah, refuos and yeshuos. He knows that when we go through shemona esrei and we don't really think about the meaning of every single word, we really do want to. We want to do it right. 

But sometimes we stumble. 

Sometimes we mumble.

Sometimes we don't think into the meaning of the things we are saying and asking for.

And He understands our baby talk.

But...does that mean we should stay that way? Just because He understands, should we talk like little kids? 

Of course not. 

Let's try. 

Let's grow up.

Let's work on our concentration.

On our pronunciation.

On saying our brachos and tefillos the way they were meant to be said.

Because even though Hashem understands that we mean a lot more than "baruchata...borei minaymezonos..." or "selachlanu...mechalanu", we might as well put in the effort and talk big...like adults...like a professional businessman. Like someone who knows his stuff. 

Hashem is always listening. He understands our innermost thoughts and feelings...even when we can't express them in words.

But when it's time to daven, when it's time to say our brachos, when it's time to bench, to ask Hashem for things we need and thank Him for the things He gives us, let's try to do it right.

Enough with the baby talk. It's cute...but at some point we need to grow up.

I open the bag of cookies for my baby and he spills most of it on the floor. But I understand. He's just a baby. He asks for things and he can't even enjoy all of it. But I'm his mother...and so I give.

Hashem knows us so much better. He knows what is good for us, what we need...and what we want...and when the time is right for us to get it. He is our Father...and He gives us...so much good.

May you be able to express yourself properly with the words of your tefillos and brachos...and mature in your tefillos from baby talk to big-girl talk!

Park Musings

I'm in the park with my baby. I watch a whole group of girls entering the park excitedly, together with their counselor. They walk together, as one unit, in close-knit groups of friends having fun together.

And I think.

I think about these girls...as individuals. Each one of them is precious to their parents. Each one comes from her own home with parents who worry about them as they hope for them to have a good day, to have good friends, to just be happy.

Yes, these girls look like one group of happy day-campers, having fun and playing together. But there is so much more behind each face. Siblings who love them (hopefully), parents who care for them, grandparents who enjoy them and shep nachas when they see them...a whole separate family unit, away from the group of girls they spend most of their days with.

There's a girl running through the sprinkler, having a great time, getting soaking wet. 

There's another girl who trips and falls down, but her counselor gets her back up again without even giving her a chance to cry. She joins the rest of the group and forgets about her fall within seconds.

She's just a counselor, I think.

How would her mother react?

Her mother's heart would skip a beat when she'd see her child fall. She'd quickly embrace her, calm her down, comfort her and then let her run off again to play...with a warning to be more careful next time.

Parents love each child...each one as an individual. 

It doesn't matter how many other cute, pretty or smart girls there are in her bunk.

Each child belongs to her mother. To her father. To her parents. To parents who love them with their whole heart, who would do anything for their children. 

Even if a parent has more than one child, they worry and care about each one separately, independent of their other children. Each child, with his/her character, personality and makeup has different needs...and every parent wants to do their utmost to take care of them and make sure those needs are met.

We are all children of Hashem.

Hashem loves each of us as an individual. 

We are like an only child to Him.

Yes, there are so many other "children" playing in the park of life, running through sprinklers, getting wet, having fun, tripping and falling and needing help getting back up. 

That's the greatness of Hashem.

He is not like a human being who is limited by time and space, who cannot do more than one (or two or three for the really talented multi taskers out there!) thing(s) at a time. 

Hashem, like a loving, caring father, looks out for each of us at all times.

Tomorrow is Rosh Chodesh Elul. Elul is an acronym for ani ledodi vedodi li. It is a time for us to come closer to Hashem, closer to our loving Father, look inside ourselves and around us and think about the things we want to change. 

Our relationship with Him.

If you moved away from your parent and during that time your relationship got somewhat strained and then you found out that your parent was moving back...to your city...to your town...down the street from you...wouldn't you want to work on fixing your relationship? Wouldn't you want to become close once again?

Well, now's the chance. 

Hashem is moving back. He's moving in. He's coming back to you. To your neighborhood...

He will enter your heart.

All you have to do is let Him in.

Try to rid yourself of things that distract you from Him. Try to connect to Him once again...with your siddur, with your tehillim, with your own words...with His Torah.

Take out a book, a Jewish book, an inspiring book, a book that talks about growth...and try to reconnect.

Your Loving Father is waiting for you.

Don't wait. 

As the month of Av, which stands for Elul Ba, comes to a close, and we welcome in the month of Elul, do what it takes to achieve that closeness and connection your heart is yearning for.

Hashem will welcome you with open arms. You just have to take the first step towards Him.

Pischu Li Pesach...you open the opening the size of the head of a needle...V'ani eftach lachem...and I [Hashem] will open for you...the size of a ballroom.

May you be able to utilize the time you have during the coming month to take positive steps towards change and growth. May you be able to move slowly, one baby step at a time...so those changes last. And may you be able to look back at the end of this month and be proud of yourself and what you accomplished!