Tu B'Shvat-Trees

There's a beautiful piece of poetry about a man who took a walk outside and saw a tree with delicious tasting fruits. The man gave the tree a wonderful blessing. Instead of blessing the fruit tree to bear sweet tasting fruits or to give off a pleasant shade, he wished upon the tree to have offspring, fruits, that are just like the tree itself. In essence, he was blessing the tree that there should be many more fruits like him, with all the positive qualities of the tree, not just replicating one aspect of it's goodness.

Someone composed the "chorus" of the story and made it into a beautiful song. 

Ilan, Ilan, bamah avarechicha...

Although many people have taken the message of the song and applied it specifically to parents-blessing them that their offspring should be as wonderful and as special as they are, I want to take this parable to a whole different level.

Ki Ha'adam Eitz Hasadeh-each one of us is compared to a tree. Just like there are many trees outside, there are many people in this world. And we meet different people at different points in our lives. Those who we come in contact with are looking at us, watching us and being affected by our shade-by the positive energy we give off. 

Do YOU realize that? 

Do you realize what power you have? 

And how you can impact other people by the way you interact with them?

Imagine if this blessing was showered upon you. That all those who come in contact with you should learn from your positive character traits, from your good and giving heart, from your excitement for another act of kindness...would you act differently? Wouldn't you want to be the best person you can be...if you knew others were learning from you and acting just like you?

You are like a tree.

The people around you bask in your shade. They are watching you, making observations and following your lead.

Each one of you has the power to impact those around you for the good!

You don't know who is watching you with wide eyes. Who around you looks up to you and wants to be like you...because of the good they see in you that makes them wish they can be like you too.

*  *  *

I took another message from this beautiful blessing bestowed upon this tree.

I think about my brother Shalom a"h and about how he spent the last summer of his life. He was in camp Stolin, having a good time-just like all the other boys who were there with him. But he did do some extra special things, things that were highly unusual for a boy his age. He said tikkun chatzos every night. He got up early every morning, went to the mikvah and then learned with a chavrusa before davening.

I think about the last day of his life. He was extremely tired because on motzei shabbos nachamu, he stayed up to clean up and organize the siddurim, the tables and the chairs after all the men had finished dancing. His rebbe said that Shalom stood throughout the morning seder, leaning over his shtender. He didn't sit down because he did not want to fall asleep and he learned with an extra measure of excitement. Did he know what was coming? What the rest of the day would bring?

I think about the last few moments of my brother's life. 

He was...up in a tree.

Marveling at the beauty of the borei olam. Looking at the scenic lake from his spot high up in that tree.

And then he fell. 

This was Hashem's plan. 

I think about my brother and I think about the song. And I say, Shalom, I give you a bracha. My wish is, shekol netiyos shenot'im mimcha yi'hiyu k'moscha-that all the children who were named after you should be just like you.

You already have three nephews who carry on your name.

One of them is my son. 

I know the day will come when he will be old enough to listen to stories about you and mature enough to understand what a special uncle he had.

And my deepest desire is...that my son should be like you. That he should have that amazing mix that you had. 

You were so good with your hands, always able to take things apart and put them back together in the most creative ways. I remember how you took apart a broken food processor and used the motor and some other small pieces to create an alarm clock. How you took the inside of your hat box and covered it with duct tape so it shouldn't get ruined by rain-and attached it to the back of your bike so you'd be able to switch from your helmet to your hat when you went off your bike and into yeshiva, shul or a store. You were so unbelievably creative.

You were so warm and loving to your nieces and nephews. You loved kids and were so gentle with them.

You were so much fun to be around. Your smile lit up the room...and our house.

You knew when to be serious but you also knew how to tell a great joke and get everyone to laugh.

There is so much about you that cannot be captured over here. But I know you...and I know that I wish that my son, who carries on your name, will grow up to be just like you...just like the uncle he never knew.

Shalom, yehi ratzon...shekol netiyos shenot'im mimcha yi'hiyu k'moscha.

A Birthday Message

Today, Vav Shevat, is my hebrew birthday.

There are so many thoughts and feelings that come to me in this special day.

For me, my birthday is a time when I remind myself about how much I have to be grateful for. It's a day where I think about the good I have been given and thank Hashem for it.

When it comes to thanking Hashem, a lot of it boils down to the little details. It's all those little things that make me realize just how blessed I am, just how much good I have in my life and just how much I should show Him that I appreciate all of it.

I think about my precious, healthy little children, the adorable things they say, the joy they bring into my life...and I am grateful.

I think about how SB told me he had "corn on the bone" for lunch...and I smile...and I laugh. :-D The kid is too cute!

I watch CG play with her dolls, talk to them, diaper them, feed them and take care of them and my heart bursts with joy and appreciation to Hashem for giving me such a gift.

When I see Moishy crawling around the house faster than the speed of lightening and I hear him say his first few words, I am in awe of how this little teeny thing can do so much, can understand and communicate without very many words...and I am grateful.

I observe the way my children interact with each other, run to help each other and play together. They are learning so much, growing, changing and maturing each and every day. And my heart expands...until it can almost burst from thanks and appreciation.

I remember who gave me these priceless blessings, these adorable children, who take over my life and my heart. Who teach me to work on my patience, to be more easygoing, to let things slide...and to understand that they have reasons for their behavior and misbehavior...and who teach me to work on myself to be a better parent.

Kol zeman shehaneshama b'kirbi, modeh ani l'fanecha.

People say time moves fast. And that you turn around and wonder where all that time went. I don't feel it. My life is crawling. Each day is long. Sometimes, I look back and think to myself, that was just last week? It feels like ages ago!

But...I am alive. And I am grateful for each and every day I am given, each day that is filled with the joy and love and happiness I get from my children.

Each birthday brings me closer to the day...to the time of...v'atah asid lit'lah mimeni. I have no idea when that time will be.

Is it scary? Yes. But...don't I need that reminder? Isn't that something that's safe to think about (at least) once a year?

Kol zeman shehaneshama b'kirbi, modeh ani l'fanecha. As long as I am alive, I will be thankful.

Each birthday is an opportunity for me...and opportunity for reflection...for introspection...and for connection. A chance to look inside myself and see where I want to be and to take steps to get there. It's easy to forget but I have one day a year that I can make a little more spiritually elevated. Today can be a little different. It's not a special day for everyone else; it is my day. My day to make special...amidst the mundane, in middle of the regular routine...and use that day to the fullest, to start making positive changes, and to take steps in the right direction.

I am still young. I still feel so young. There is still so much I still have to do, so much I want to accomplish!

So...I will daven. I will ask the Only One who can help me for strength and ability to make those changes, to become better...and for the time I need to do it.

How could I write a birthday post without ending with a bracha? :-)

But first...I need to say this.
To all my readers out there, thank you. Thank you for your comments! They keep me going and make me realize that someone out there is reading and appreciating (or questioning :-) ) what I write. I enjoy the discussions and the feedback...and I want to thank you for it. Knowing that the inspiration from this blog is spreading is one of the things that keeps me writing and sharing my thoughts with you.

My bracha to you is that you should always feel Hashem close to you, at your side. You should feel like those lines of communication are always open and you should be able to express yourself to Him at all times. When you can't find any reason to open up, think of one thing you are grateful for...and thank Him for it. Hashem gives us so much bounty! Variety of food, colors, tastes and so many simple pleasures. Say thank you!

May each one of you who comes here for inspiration always feel that inner desire to grow and become better...and may you have the strength to overcome your challenges in the difficult times and use the good times to connect to Hashem too, through gratitude and appreciation for all He does for you!

May you and those close to you have yeshuos in every area-shidduchim, parnassah and health. Those of you who know people struggling with their yiddishkeit should know-keep davening for those precious neshamos-and may you see them come back, finding their own path, with a passion and love for Judaism and for Hashem.

I usually don't have a hard time expressing my brachos to you. My last bracha is...that just as easily as I expressed all this, that's how easily and smoothly Hashem should fulfill all that I wish for all of you!

Every Neshama Can Soar High

every person is so important and has the power to become great! enjoy this video!!

A Parshah Poem

Parshas Shemos
The Jews enslaved
Tortured
Hit
Put to work
Backbreaking labor
Not much time to think
Just work work work
No time for a drink
No time for much
Except work
Gather materials
Keep moving
Keep going
Keep working
No stopping.

In between
The schlepping
The dragging
The pulling
A Jew lets out
A sigh
A sigh of pain
Of emotion
Of despair
Of prayer
No time to talk
No time to express
Real prayer
So instead
Vayei'anchu
They groaned
They sighed
Vayiz'aku
They cried
They expressed
That which real words
Cannot express.

And Hashem
He heard
Vata'al shav'asam
Their outcry
Their deep expression of pain
Went up
Rose up
To the highest Heavens
And He heard
Their unspoken words
Their sigh
Their groans.

Their cries
Spoke volumes
That only Hashem
Could hear
Could really know
The meaning behind
The depth of
Their pain.

The message
We all
Can take
Is the same
Hashem knows
Hashem hears

Our unspoken words
When pain is too strong
To talk
To express
Real words of prayer
He still hears
The silent whisper
The silent voice
Behind each sigh
Behind each cry
Direct it to Him
He hears
He knows
He understands
And He listens.
Always.

Much has changed
Since the time
We spent
In mitzrayim
We are not tortured
Oppressed
Put to work
Forced labor
But we go through
Moments
Experiences
Of pain
It's the same
We're the same
Jew
Inside
We turn to Hashem
Our Father
In those moments
Of despair
Of pain
Of emotion
In prayer
With that same sigh
With that same cry
Because
He listens.
Always.

Beyond Your Wildest Dreams

I wanted to share a very powerful and inspiring message from this weeks parshah, Parshas Vayechi. Before Yaakov blessed Menashe and Efrayim, he said to Yosef, "Panecha lo pilalti v'hinei her'ah osi elokim gam es zarecha"-I did not imagine seeing your face, and here G-d has shown me even your offspring! (Artscroll translation)

We see from here something incredible. Sometimes, when we are in a difficult situation, we don't see a way out. There is no light to look out for or even attempt to get close to the end of the tunnel and we are too engulfed in darkness and pain. But a Jew must remember, Hashem could do anything!

When you are going through hardships, and can't begin to imagine an outcome anywhere near where your mind wishes it can go, keep in mind that Hashem could take you even further than that.

So...to the single girl going through a difficult family situation and wishing for a way out of her pain, to the childless couple waiting, wishing and hoping for the day when they too will become parents, to the parents running from doctor to doctor with their sick child, to the breadwinner struggling with finances...and to everyone else in between-working through their own day-to-day challenges, know that Hashem is with you every step of the way...and He can bring you a yeshua that surpasses your wildest dreams!

Look at Yaakov Avinu and how he was told that his most precious, beloved son died. Did he ever dream he would see the day where he would be blessing his own grandchildren, the offspring of his son he thought was no longer among the living?

This is the message we can take from this weeks parsha.

When things seem so overwhelming and you can't see a way out of your problems, when everything seems too big and you just want to give up, remember this message and let it empower you to keep pushing, to keep going.

Hashem doesn't need ideas from you of how to get out of your current situation and how to change things for the better. When you daven to Him from he depths of your soul, ask Him to take you out of your darkness in a way that He sees fit. In a way that only He can do. He can take you to far off places..,places further than your imagination has ever gone to!

Imagine for a moment, a holocaust survivor, holding her grandson in her arms...watching him grow and mature into a young man...sitting at his bar mitzvah...and then rejoicing at his wedding. Then...she gets to experience even more joy in her old age. Her grandson becomes a father...and she becomes a great grandmother. Would she have ever pictured the moment when she would hold a great grandchild in her arms, sitting on the couch surrounded by her growing family of grandchildren and great grandchildren? When she was going through so much pain in her younger years, during the holocaust, her mind could not have stretched that far. But here she is. She lived to see he day, to experience nachas and joy that cannot be described in words. And it was Hashem who brought her to this point.

May you be able to continue trusting in and holding on to Hashem no matter what He throws your way and may He surprise you with brachos and yeshuos beyond your wildest dreams!

Asara B'Teves-a Poem

Many, many years ago
Today
The siege began
Jews walking to and fro
Not allowed in or out
Slowly
Slowly
It took time
Food
Became less available
As it was consumed
Pain
Consumed our People
People began to die
Slow, painful death
Death of hunger
Death of thirst
So much pain
All over the streets
Of Jerusalem
Today was the day
It all began
Today was the beginning
Of this bitter plan
Hashem let out His anger
On a building of stone
And now we are left
Bereft
Empty
Alone
So much kedusha
Is gone
So much pain
In its place
We are so far way
Oh so far away
From our Source
From our Father
From where we should be
Today
Is a day
When we fast
Stay away from
Food
And drink
For what purpose?
To think
To think thoughts
Thoughts of teshuva
Thoughts of change
Thoughts of reflection
And introspection
And correction
So even those
Who are eating
And drinking
On this day
It's not about the food
From which we stay away
It's about what's going on
Inside of you
The soul
The soul of every single Jew
Today
Should be the source
The source of change
Inner change
Instead of
The change that began
On this very day
So many years ago
When the siege began
Jerusalem-surrounded
No one allowed
In
Or out
The source
The beginning
Of ultimate
Destruction
Let today be
The beginning
Of change
Of transformation
Of becoming
A better you
So together
Every Jew
Can merit
The rebuilding
Of that holy building
Bimheira Biyameinu
Amen.

No Concept

I'm sitting with my son talking to him when I notice a bruise on his lip. He's a fairly wild kid with bundles of energy, so it's not unusual for him to bang himself.

"When did you get that boo boo?" I ask him.

"Tomorrow." he says.

I love his answers. I love how he expresses himself. It's adorable.

Sometimes his responses to when things happened are things like yesterday or last week...so totally off the mark when I put it in context.

My favorite one is... "Remember when we went to the zoo? Tell me, when did we go?"

His response..."Last morning."

It's too cute.

My son has no real concept of time. Yes, he understands it in his head, and that's where everything makes sense to him, but he cannot express it correctly. He cannot show that he really gets it. It may sound like he doesn't know what he's talking about, but from the look of concentration on his face, I know that he gets it. He just doesn't know how to say it.

Hashem doesn't either have a concept of time. But it's not because He doesn't get it...not at all. It's because He is so way above us that He is not bound by things that are limited like time.

Hashem is unlimited. He can do anything. He created the world and everything in it. He watches over me and you every moment of the day. Each thing that happens to me is calculated, is measured, is exact.

And since He is so much greater than each of us, He cannot be confined. There is no concept of time when it comes to Hashem.

Do I fully get it?

Not really...but I'm trying. And my son opened my mind a little bit...and he's helping me learn.

There is no yesterday, tomorrow...or even last morning.

It's all one.

Hashem Echod...Hashem is One.

When There's a Way Out

The story of Chana and her seven sons.

It's a story that is so hard to understand.

How did a mother watch all her children, one after the next, get killed?

Was she proud that they stood up for what was right?

That they didn't give in?

Did she wish one of them would have succumbed?

Will we ever know?

I want to focus on a different part of this story for a minute.

When the last child, the youngest of all seven, stood before the king and was asked to bow down, he refused. Just like all his brothers.

The king had mercy on this little innocent child. He decided to give him a little opening, a chance to remain alive. He threw his ring to the ground and asked the child if he would pick up the ring. Although this would mean bowing down to the idol, since that wouldn't be the little boy's intention, it would be fine...right? He would just be bending down to pick up the ring of the king. Wouldn't that be okay?

His life would be spared. He would be able to continue living! Should he do it? Would he do it?

No.

The child, this pure, little innocent child did not give in. He did not grab on to his last hope for life. He saw a loophole-an opportunity to do something just a teeny bit wrong but a little right at the same time. And he didn't give in.

How many times in life are we open to loopholes? How many times do we see a way out and we run?

Can we remain strong? Stick to our convictions? Stick to what's right and do it even when it's hard?

Just something to think about...and a powerful lesson to take from a little child who gave up his life so as not to do the wrong thing...even when there was such an easy way out.

Such strength.

Such rock-solid emunah he must have had to be able to withstand a split-second test.

I am jealous of his mother.

Not for what she had to go through...but for the chinuch she gave her children so they were able to withstand such an incredible test. Each and every one of them was able to overcome it.

May you be able to stay strong and do what is right...even when there's a way to escape...even when no one will know.

Because Hashem Above always knows. He sees the deepest parts of your heart...that no one else will know about. He understands your challenges and your struggles.

May you always be able to stick to doing what is right.

Lingering at the Chanukah Candles

I heard something about Chanukah that I wanted to share with you.

There are specific halachos of what types of wicks are allowed to be used when lighting candles for shabbos. Interestingly, certain wicks that are not permitted to be used for shabbos candles are allowed to be used to light the Chanukah menorah.

There is an amazing lesson we can take from this.

We know that a flame is compared to the neshama of a person like it says, ner Hashem nishmas adam.

We can see from here the those neshamos who are not affected by the kedushah of shabbos, who are not touched by the purity and holiness of the shabbos candles, can be affected by the Chanukah lights. There is something so special and uplifting about the Chanukah candles that it can touch anybody and can bring them to greater heights in their avodas Hashem.

The key is to let it in. To open up your heart and to let the purity of the flames enter your very being and allow it to penetrate your soul.

But...how?

I think the answer to how you can be affected by the holiness of the Chanukah candles is dependent on what you do after those candles are lit. Do you quickly walk away and get busy with other things or do you linger there for a bit longer?

You can spend a little bit of time at the menorah after the flames have been lit and let the fire ignite your soul. Just look at the candles, at those burning lights.

Think.

Reflect.

And pray.

Use those few moments at the candles...for a spiritual awakening...for growth and inspiration.

Talk to Hashem.

He's your Father.

He's listening to you.

Tell Him about whatever is inside you. Things that are bothering you. Things you want. Changes you'd like to see in your life. Changes you wish you can see in yourself. Ask Him for help.

And...don't forget to thank Him. He gives you so much blessing. Think about those things too...and show your appreciation.

The time you spend at the candles can be utilized for moments of introspection and connection.

***

There is something interesting about candles. If you hold it in your hand, no matter which way you turn the candle, the flame will always be reaching upwards.

And the same is true with a neshama, with every Jewish soul. No matter which way you turn it, no matter what situation a person is in, there is always that pintele yid, that Jewish flame inside of them. There is always a yearning to become better. A Jew can be put in the most trying situation but their soul is like a flame, always reaching upwards-to greater spiritual levels.

When you stand in front of the Chanukah menorah this year, look at the candles and watch the flames go higher. Let that little spark, that pintele yid inside your soul be ignited by the beauty of the Chanukah candles. Daven to Hashem to help you reach higher heights in your avodas Hashem, to keep climbing up and up just like those candles.

And may the flame and excitement inside your heart never be extinguished...so you can take this special inspiration with you long after Chanukah is gone.

Have a happy and enlightening Chanukah!

They're Back!

As I rounded the corner yesterday, I was quite shocked to see four red balloons flying in the wind. Yes, the balloons I just wrote about are back!

My kids were ecstatic. My son's face was shining, lit up with the biggest smile you could ever imagine. The balloons they were hoping to see...for so long...they were back! I even circled the block so they could see the balloons a second time because my daughter didn't get a good enough look at them the first time round.

My kids talked about them the whole way home.

For me, this had a whole different meaning.

I took this as a small message, a personal love note from my Father Above, saying to me...Don't give up hope. Just like the balloons you've been waiting to see are back, the day you are waiting for will come. Hang in there.

Thank you Hashem, for the message of hope.

May you all be able to continue holding on through the tough times, using them to come out stronger. And may your deepest desires and things you've been hoping for come true in the best possible way.

Good Shabbos.