Beyond Your Wildest Dreams

I wanted to share a very powerful and inspiring message from this weeks parshah, Parshas Vayechi. Before Yaakov blessed Menashe and Efrayim, he said to Yosef, "Panecha lo pilalti v'hinei her'ah osi elokim gam es zarecha"-I did not imagine seeing your face, and here G-d has shown me even your offspring! (Artscroll translation)

We see from here something incredible. Sometimes, when we are in a difficult situation, we don't see a way out. There is no light to look out for or even attempt to get close to the end of the tunnel and we are too engulfed in darkness and pain. But a Jew must remember, Hashem could do anything!

When you are going through hardships, and can't begin to imagine an outcome anywhere near where your mind wishes it can go, keep in mind that Hashem could take you even further than that.

So...to the single girl going through a difficult family situation and wishing for a way out of her pain, to the childless couple waiting, wishing and hoping for the day when they too will become parents, to the parents running from doctor to doctor with their sick child, to the breadwinner struggling with finances...and to everyone else in between-working through their own day-to-day challenges, know that Hashem is with you every step of the way...and He can bring you a yeshua that surpasses your wildest dreams!

Look at Yaakov Avinu and how he was told that his most precious, beloved son died. Did he ever dream he would see the day where he would be blessing his own grandchildren, the offspring of his son he thought was no longer among the living?

This is the message we can take from this weeks parsha.

When things seem so overwhelming and you can't see a way out of your problems, when everything seems too big and you just want to give up, remember this message and let it empower you to keep pushing, to keep going.

Hashem doesn't need ideas from you of how to get out of your current situation and how to change things for the better. When you daven to Him from he depths of your soul, ask Him to take you out of your darkness in a way that He sees fit. In a way that only He can do. He can take you to far off places..,places further than your imagination has ever gone to!

Imagine for a moment, a holocaust survivor, holding her grandson in her arms...watching him grow and mature into a young man...sitting at his bar mitzvah...and then rejoicing at his wedding. Then...she gets to experience even more joy in her old age. Her grandson becomes a father...and she becomes a great grandmother. Would she have ever pictured the moment when she would hold a great grandchild in her arms, sitting on the couch surrounded by her growing family of grandchildren and great grandchildren? When she was going through so much pain in her younger years, during the holocaust, her mind could not have stretched that far. But here she is. She lived to see he day, to experience nachas and joy that cannot be described in words. And it was Hashem who brought her to this point.

May you be able to continue trusting in and holding on to Hashem no matter what He throws your way and may He surprise you with brachos and yeshuos beyond your wildest dreams!

Asara B'Teves-a Poem

Many, many years ago
Today
The siege began
Jews walking to and fro
Not allowed in or out
Slowly
Slowly
It took time
Food
Became less available
As it was consumed
Pain
Consumed our People
People began to die
Slow, painful death
Death of hunger
Death of thirst
So much pain
All over the streets
Of Jerusalem
Today was the day
It all began
Today was the beginning
Of this bitter plan
Hashem let out His anger
On a building of stone
And now we are left
Bereft
Empty
Alone
So much kedusha
Is gone
So much pain
In its place
We are so far way
Oh so far away
From our Source
From our Father
From where we should be
Today
Is a day
When we fast
Stay away from
Food
And drink
For what purpose?
To think
To think thoughts
Thoughts of teshuva
Thoughts of change
Thoughts of reflection
And introspection
And correction
So even those
Who are eating
And drinking
On this day
It's not about the food
From which we stay away
It's about what's going on
Inside of you
The soul
The soul of every single Jew
Today
Should be the source
The source of change
Inner change
Instead of
The change that began
On this very day
So many years ago
When the siege began
Jerusalem-surrounded
No one allowed
In
Or out
The source
The beginning
Of ultimate
Destruction
Let today be
The beginning
Of change
Of transformation
Of becoming
A better you
So together
Every Jew
Can merit
The rebuilding
Of that holy building
Bimheira Biyameinu
Amen.

No Concept

I'm sitting with my son talking to him when I notice a bruise on his lip. He's a fairly wild kid with bundles of energy, so it's not unusual for him to bang himself.

"When did you get that boo boo?" I ask him.

"Tomorrow." he says.

I love his answers. I love how he expresses himself. It's adorable.

Sometimes his responses to when things happened are things like yesterday or last week...so totally off the mark when I put it in context.

My favorite one is... "Remember when we went to the zoo? Tell me, when did we go?"

His response..."Last morning."

It's too cute.

My son has no real concept of time. Yes, he understands it in his head, and that's where everything makes sense to him, but he cannot express it correctly. He cannot show that he really gets it. It may sound like he doesn't know what he's talking about, but from the look of concentration on his face, I know that he gets it. He just doesn't know how to say it.

Hashem doesn't either have a concept of time. But it's not because He doesn't get it...not at all. It's because He is so way above us that He is not bound by things that are limited like time.

Hashem is unlimited. He can do anything. He created the world and everything in it. He watches over me and you every moment of the day. Each thing that happens to me is calculated, is measured, is exact.

And since He is so much greater than each of us, He cannot be confined. There is no concept of time when it comes to Hashem.

Do I fully get it?

Not really...but I'm trying. And my son opened my mind a little bit...and he's helping me learn.

There is no yesterday, tomorrow...or even last morning.

It's all one.

Hashem Echod...Hashem is One.

When There's a Way Out

The story of Chana and her seven sons.

It's a story that is so hard to understand.

How did a mother watch all her children, one after the next, get killed?

Was she proud that they stood up for what was right?

That they didn't give in?

Did she wish one of them would have succumbed?

Will we ever know?

I want to focus on a different part of this story for a minute.

When the last child, the youngest of all seven, stood before the king and was asked to bow down, he refused. Just like all his brothers.

The king had mercy on this little innocent child. He decided to give him a little opening, a chance to remain alive. He threw his ring to the ground and asked the child if he would pick up the ring. Although this would mean bowing down to the idol, since that wouldn't be the little boy's intention, it would be fine...right? He would just be bending down to pick up the ring of the king. Wouldn't that be okay?

His life would be spared. He would be able to continue living! Should he do it? Would he do it?

No.

The child, this pure, little innocent child did not give in. He did not grab on to his last hope for life. He saw a loophole-an opportunity to do something just a teeny bit wrong but a little right at the same time. And he didn't give in.

How many times in life are we open to loopholes? How many times do we see a way out and we run?

Can we remain strong? Stick to our convictions? Stick to what's right and do it even when it's hard?

Just something to think about...and a powerful lesson to take from a little child who gave up his life so as not to do the wrong thing...even when there was such an easy way out.

Such strength.

Such rock-solid emunah he must have had to be able to withstand a split-second test.

I am jealous of his mother.

Not for what she had to go through...but for the chinuch she gave her children so they were able to withstand such an incredible test. Each and every one of them was able to overcome it.

May you be able to stay strong and do what is right...even when there's a way to escape...even when no one will know.

Because Hashem Above always knows. He sees the deepest parts of your heart...that no one else will know about. He understands your challenges and your struggles.

May you always be able to stick to doing what is right.

Lingering at the Chanukah Candles

I heard something about Chanukah that I wanted to share with you.

There are specific halachos of what types of wicks are allowed to be used when lighting candles for shabbos. Interestingly, certain wicks that are not permitted to be used for shabbos candles are allowed to be used to light the Chanukah menorah.

There is an amazing lesson we can take from this.

We know that a flame is compared to the neshama of a person like it says, ner Hashem nishmas adam.

We can see from here the those neshamos who are not affected by the kedushah of shabbos, who are not touched by the purity and holiness of the shabbos candles, can be affected by the Chanukah lights. There is something so special and uplifting about the Chanukah candles that it can touch anybody and can bring them to greater heights in their avodas Hashem.

The key is to let it in. To open up your heart and to let the purity of the flames enter your very being and allow it to penetrate your soul.

But...how?

I think the answer to how you can be affected by the holiness of the Chanukah candles is dependent on what you do after those candles are lit. Do you quickly walk away and get busy with other things or do you linger there for a bit longer?

You can spend a little bit of time at the menorah after the flames have been lit and let the fire ignite your soul. Just look at the candles, at those burning lights.

Think.

Reflect.

And pray.

Use those few moments at the candles...for a spiritual awakening...for growth and inspiration.

Talk to Hashem.

He's your Father.

He's listening to you.

Tell Him about whatever is inside you. Things that are bothering you. Things you want. Changes you'd like to see in your life. Changes you wish you can see in yourself. Ask Him for help.

And...don't forget to thank Him. He gives you so much blessing. Think about those things too...and show your appreciation.

The time you spend at the candles can be utilized for moments of introspection and connection.

***

There is something interesting about candles. If you hold it in your hand, no matter which way you turn the candle, the flame will always be reaching upwards.

And the same is true with a neshama, with every Jewish soul. No matter which way you turn it, no matter what situation a person is in, there is always that pintele yid, that Jewish flame inside of them. There is always a yearning to become better. A Jew can be put in the most trying situation but their soul is like a flame, always reaching upwards-to greater spiritual levels.

When you stand in front of the Chanukah menorah this year, look at the candles and watch the flames go higher. Let that little spark, that pintele yid inside your soul be ignited by the beauty of the Chanukah candles. Daven to Hashem to help you reach higher heights in your avodas Hashem, to keep climbing up and up just like those candles.

And may the flame and excitement inside your heart never be extinguished...so you can take this special inspiration with you long after Chanukah is gone.

Have a happy and enlightening Chanukah!

They're Back!

As I rounded the corner yesterday, I was quite shocked to see four red balloons flying in the wind. Yes, the balloons I just wrote about are back!

My kids were ecstatic. My son's face was shining, lit up with the biggest smile you could ever imagine. The balloons they were hoping to see...for so long...they were back! I even circled the block so they could see the balloons a second time because my daughter didn't get a good enough look at them the first time round.

My kids talked about them the whole way home.

For me, this had a whole different meaning.

I took this as a small message, a personal love note from my Father Above, saying to me...Don't give up hope. Just like the balloons you've been waiting to see are back, the day you are waiting for will come. Hang in there.

Thank you Hashem, for the message of hope.

May you all be able to continue holding on through the tough times, using them to come out stronger. And may your deepest desires and things you've been hoping for come true in the best possible way.

Good Shabbos.

Balloons of Hope

I have a lot to learn from my children.

I take the same route home from work every day.  Each day, as I'd turn a certain corner, my children would cheer from their seats, "I wanna see the balloons!" And as we'd pass by the store with the balloons right outside the window, they'd shout out happily, "balloons, balloons!"

Usually, there were balloons outside the store window. But some days, they weren't there. Those days were disappointing to them.

"Maybe tomorrow the balloons will be there," I'd reassure them.

And usually, by the time the next afternoon came around, there they were, swaying in the wind, giving my children such simple, untainted pleasure.

It's been a really long time since we've seen those balloons. I can't even remember the last time I turned the corner and those balloons were flying in the wind. Maybe some time in the summer? Maybe longer?

But my children do not give up. Every day, as we turn that corner, they say, "Maybe today we'll see the balloons!" 

And when we pass the store and the balloons aren't there, they always have something to say, some hope to hold on to.

"Maybe they're blowing up the balloons."
"Maybe we'll see them tomorrow."
"Maybe they needa buy more balloons for us."
"Maybe...maybe...maybe..."

But tomorrow comes and the balloons still aren't there.

My children are so disappointed. You could hear it in their voices as I turn the corner and pass the store.

Yet...they still come up with excuses, with reasons...and they are still so very hopeful. Hopeful that the day will come when I will turn the corner and the balloons will be back, back in their familiar place, giving my children the pleasure and enjoyment they used to get from looking at them.

The two second pleasure they would take with them for the rest of the ride home. "We saw the balloons today!"

They're waiting for that day to come. And they aren't giving up. They're holding on to the smallest thread of hope.

I'm learning from them.

No matter what happens, no matter what goes on, there is always  hope.

We are now in the month of Kislev, approaching the yom tov of Chanukah. Perhaps one message we can take from this is the message of hope. That no matter how dark life seems, no matter how dark life is, there is always hope.

The chashmonaim searched through the devastation and rubble, through the destruction and the mess...and at last...they found one jug of oil. They didn't give up. They kept searching until they found what they were looking for.

I look to my past and I see those brave Jews who persevered, never giving up hope.

I look ahead of me, at my precious little children and I see innocence in their eyes. My children never give up hope.

And so...neither will I.

Kislev-My Miracles

One of the things I learned from my mother was the importance of expressing gratitude. Not just for the big things but for the little things as well...because they may not be so little. She was very big on thank you cards, sending them out often to those who did favors for her.

Even after my brother Shalom a"h, was niftar, my mother expressed her appreciation to all those who assisted in trying to save his life-the main lifeguard in camp who came running to the scene after he fell from the tree, the assistant lifeguards, the rebbe who said shema with him in the hospital in his last moments...all of them received thank you cards in the mail after my brother passed away. She wanted them to know that our family did not chas v'shalom blame them for not working hard enough and that we were sure they all did their utmost in trying to save Shalom's life...and that this was a decree from Hashem and we were accepting it. They were in no way at fault. And she used those thank you cards to put her feelings into words.

She was always thanking our teachers, the school staff, the delivery guy, the neighbor who did her a favor. She said thank you to the car service driver, giving him a tip, even though this was his job. She'd thank the cashier as she left with her bags....everyone. She took note of every single thing, little and big and showed her hakaras hatov. And I took this lesson from her and try to carry it with me wherever I go.

Just yesterday, I received a phone call from my son's school. A phone call I've been waiting for ever since the beginning of the school year. The person on the other line confirmed that everything was in place and some important paperwork we were waiting for finally went through. Things should be smooth from here on.

Interestingly, the day before I got this phone call, as I left my son's school building knowing I was still waiting, I turned to Hashem and said, "Hashem, that's it. This is in your hands. We did whatever we could and there's nothing else that could be done. Now I'm turning to you and relying on you completely. Please...make this work out already...make it happen soon. How much longer can we wait for this?" 

The next day, I got that phone call...my own, personal miracle.

And after I got that phone call, I sat down and penned the following,

Here's a little note to say thank you,
For all the behind-the-scenes work that you do.
We don't usually get to see the details,
And we don't know exactly what your job entails.
But for us - you worked hard, giving up was not an option
And for that we'd like to express our deepest appreciation.
You kept trying - calling and emailing too,
You listened to our (almost) daily question of "anything new?"
And now that all the paperwork finally came through,
We have two words for you-Thank You!

How much time did it take me to write that? Just a couple of minutes. But do I know how much that thank you means to the one who put in all the work for us?

I learned this from my mother-to take a few minutes to express my appreciation in this way.

***

Just that same evening, something happened that made my heart stop beating. It still continues pounding every time I think about it and replay those few moments in my mind.

I was home alone with my children and was busy in the kitchen when I heard my little baby, who is at the crawling stage, start screaming. I ran into the next room and saw the front door-the door right above my staircase, wide open. My heart froze. I stood at the top of the staircase and for a split-second I knew he fell down the long flight of stairs. 

I was wrong.

I looked down the steps...but he was not there. Then I saw a flash of orange-he was right at the top of the staircase! He was lying up side down, with his head on the third step from the top and his feet on the second step-right where the staircase starts to turn. Had he chas v'shalom been one step lower, where the staircase leads straight down...I can't imagine where I'd be at this moment. But I wouldn't be here typing up this blog post.

I scooped up my baby and hugged him so tightly, my hands trembling and shaking. I kissed him and cried knowing that I just experienced my own little miracle.

I felt like...this is what I needed right now. I needed this two second scare as a reminder of what I have and what I need to appreciate. I have three little miracles in my care, three precious little children. Although it's true that Hashem watches over them, over me, every minute of the day, it took this to show me just how closely He is watching over my family.

Today is Rosh Chodesh Kislev. It is the month of miracles. The month when we experienced the miracle of Chanukah-of light in the darkness. 

May you each experience your own personal miracles this month and may you feel Hashem illuminating your path, illuminating your life. May the darkness you've experienced be transformed into light and may you be blessed to notice and appreciate the miracles in your life...because the small miracles...they are really big.

A gutten chodesh.

Easy to Say

It's easy to talk about emunah when things go smoothly. When everything about you is positve and happy. The real test, the real test of our strength and belief is when things get tough. When we do not understand.

I have been thinking about this ever since my last post about Hurricane Sandy. I wrote: Trees got thrown down just a few inches away from houses and cars. I saw with my own eyes the precision of the fall...how every inch is calculated. Another inch-and that car would have been smashed. Another inch-and that house would have had major damage. This showed me how every little detail is calculated, every inch, every moment of our lives. The same One who made the tree fall directly in front of that house and an inch away from that car, is watching over me every moment. The details of my life are calculated; Hashem works with precision and care.

Yes, all of that is true. But what about the trees that fell down and did cause destruction? As I was driving on the day I wrote that post, I passed a minivan that was completely shattered-from a huge tree that fell right on top of it. It wasn't a new model. I thought about the family whose car that must belong to. I thought about their pain, how hard it might be for them to replace their car. Maybe they were struggling and this was the last thing they needed...how would they get their children to school? How would they get to work? Forget about waiting on line for gas. They didn't even have a car!

What about all those who lost homes due to flooding and who will have to pay to redo all or parts of their homes? The amount of damage, the pictures I've seen...they moved me to tears. It didn't hit me until I saw Hamodia's Supplement, Waves of Wrath, Waves of Chessed. Pictures of seforim floating around in feet and feet of water, the beautiful aron kodesh knocked over...and the men and boys who continued learning and giving shiurim in the dark, by candlelight or flashlight. All of this made me cry.

We do not understand.

I do not understand.

I do not claim to have reasons. I do not claim to know why this happened. Who am I to pinpoint and say that it happened because of one specific aveirah I am guilty of, or one specific mitzvah I am not performing properly?

R' Fishel Schachter gave a very powerful speech about this. He spoke about how when something of such catastrophic proportions occurs, people try to give reasons and tell other people what it is that they need to change and do better.

He repeated a story that took place one summer. There was an accident that affected a certain family in Camp Ohr Shraga. After it happened, one rav got up and said that the accident happened because of bittul torah and proceeded to give a fiery speech about the importance of Torah learning and the danger of wasting time when one was meant to be learning.

After he concluded his speech, R' Yakov Kaminetzky stood up and said to the rav (in yiddish): Are you a navi? Are you a ba'al ruach hakodesh? Shamefully, the rav answered no to both of those questions.

R' Yakov continued, "So then how could you say that this happened because of bittul torah?? If it's true that this is why the tragedy occurred, then yes, everyone should work on strengthening themselves in the way they learn and the amount of time they spend learning. But if it is not true, since we do not know the cheshbonos of Hashem, you have to go back to the family who was affected by this tragedy and ask them for mechillah, for forgiveness...for speaking ona'as devorim, for causing pain with the words you said! Because they will be thinking, If only people would have learned better, if only people would not have wasted an extra minute...this would never have happened. And THAT is a very dangerous way of thinking and causes tremendous hurt and guilt to the family involved."

And then R' Yakov gave his own passionate speech about bittul torah. R' Yakov, who knew what it meant not to waste a minute of learning, who learned while wearing his boots and would fall asleep before he had the energy to take them off, he gave a speech about the importance of utilizing every moment to learn.

That is a gadol.

We do not know why things happen. None of us are great enough or big enough to give reasons. We can take personal messages from the events that happened-and we should. We should look inside our hearts and see what we need to change, on a personal level. But we cannot go around making broad statements saying exactly why this happened. We simply do not know.

It's when things are tough and we do not understand...that is when we need to work on strengthening our emunah. On knowing that no matter what happens, there is a reason for it. And even though we do not know why, there is a reason, there is a Creator. He is my G-d. I trust Him completely, especially when I do not understand. Especially when I am confused. Especially when life doesn't go the way I want it.

Hashem knows. Hashem runs my life.

It's easy to say. It's easy to talk about when things go smoothly. Now it's time to put it into practice. To internalize this trust, to work on it, to strengthen it, to make my emunah rock-solid, super strong.

It's easy to say.

I JUST HEARD AN OUTSTANDING MESSAGE WITH ABOUT THE HURICANE MUST READ!!!!

I JUST HEARD ON A HOT LINE FROM REB. KALMINOVITCH AN OUTSTANDING DREAM THAT A BIG TZADDIK HAD THIS YEAR!!! IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO HEAR THIS STORY FROM HER PLS CALL 1718 906 6451 AND PRESS THE NUMBER FOR THE HURRICANE AND YOU WILL HEAR CHANA TOBY AND THEN REB. KALMINOVITCH ITS UNREAL TO HEAR THIS IS 100% TRUE!!! HARAV POSEK FROM BORO PARK HAD A DREAM ABOUT THE GEDOLEI YISROEL THAT WERE JUST NIFTAR THIS YEAR!THE GEDOLEI YISROEL WERE BY THE BES DIN SHEL MAALA AND WERE BEGGING HASHEM TO PLEASE LOOK AT HOW MUCH WE HAVE WORKED ON OURSELVES AND HOW MUCH WE AS KLAL YISROEL HAVE GROWN THIS YEAR!! THEY WERE SAYING THAT LOOK HOW MANY PEOPLE GOT RID OF THE TUMA IN THEIR HOMES AND HOW MUCH WE REALLY WANT TO BE CONNECTED TO HASHEM! THEY WERE BEGGING AND BEGGING HASHEM TO PLS END THIS GALUS AND BRING MASHIACH.SUDDENLY A LOUD VOICE WAS HEARD AND THEY STARTED SAYING DO BNEI YISROEL REALLY WANT HASHEM'S NAME TO BE KNOWN AND FULL OF KEDUSHA IN THE WORLD!!! WHAT ABOUT HOW PEOPLE ARE ACTING ESP. IN SHUL TALKING DURING KEDUSHA AND NOT GIVING KAVOD TO THE SHUL, DO THEY REALLY WANT IT!! AND THEN THEY DECIDED TO COME UP WITH A CONCLUSION THAT THIS YEAR TAF SHIN AYIN GIMMEL IS A BIG EIS RATZON AND MASHIACH IS REALLY ABLE TO COME AND HASHEM WANTS TO BRING HIM THERE IS JUST ONE MORE POINT!!HASHEM WILL TEST US THIS YEAR IN A HUGE WAY TO SEE IF WE REALLY WANT MASHIACH, IF WE ARE DOING THINGS FOR THE KAVOD OF SHAMAYIM OR FOR THE KAVOD OF OURSELVES!!!!THIS YEAR COULD BE THE GEULA AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! THIS TZADDIK WOKE UP IN A SWEAT HE WAS SOOO SHOOKEN UP COULDNT BELIEVE WHAT HE HEARD AND SAW.. HE WAS SHAKING FROM REAL FEAR!! CAN WE IMAGINE THAT THIS IS WHERE WE ARE UP TO!!!! MASHIACH IS AT THE DOORSTEP AND EVERY ONE OF US HAS THE POWER TO SHOW HASHEM I JUST WANT TO DO MITZVOS FOR YOU TO BRING KAVOD TO YOUR NAME AND THEN WE WILL HASTEN THIS GEULA!!! WE NEED EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU WHO READS THIS TO SHARE THIS OUTSTANDING DREAM TO OTHERS AND WAKE UP THE WORLD TO REALIZE THAT ALL WE NEED IS A DESIRE TO SHOW HASHEM THAT WE REALLY WANT THIS GALUS TO END!!! IMAGINE THE SOUND OF THE SHOFAR AND YOU BEING HERE TO WITNESS THIS DAY ITS BEYOND IMAGINATION THAT WE COULD BE ALIVE TO REALLY EXPERIENCE THIS DAY!!!!!!!!! PLS HELP US!!!! REB. KALMINOVITCH ALSO SAID THAT WHEN SUCH A RAIN FALLS LIKE SOOOO STRONG ITS A SIGN THAT HASHEM WANTS US TO CHANGE SO THAT WE COULD BE ZOCHE TO REALIZE THAT THE GEULA IS SOOOOO CLOSE!!! ITS IN YOUR HANDS!!! WAKE UP AND SEE HOW CAN I DO A MITZVA AND REALIZE THAT I JUST WANT TO BRING KAVOD TO HASHEM'S NAME!! LETS ALL TAKE THIS LESSON TO OUR HEARTS AND REALIZE THAT WE REALLY NEED TO WAKE UP AND SHAKE OURSELVES BACK INTO REALITY!!! WATING TO HEAR FROM YOU WHAT YOU FEEL ABOUT WHAT YOU JUST READ!:) THANK YOU SO MUCH MISS SAMUEL AND MRS. KLEIN FROM SHALSHELES FOR SHARING THIS WITH ME:)