Illuminating the Darkness

One message that we can take from Chanukah is that even in the darkest of moments, there is always a light flickering, so we can light up our lives and find joy even when things are difficult. We all go through painful times and we all have our "down" days when we are just so upset we don't know how to continue. So how can we illuminate the darkness?

It is with a little bit of appreciation - that is the light that can help us pull through on the hard days. Here is a way for you to start to feel happy once again when you feel down or upset.

Go into a really dark room or stay where you are and...close your eyes for a full 30 seconds. Imagine the world is completely dark and you cannot see a thing. Use your imagination in those thirty seconds and let your mind wander...try to think what a day would be like without being able to see. You wake up in the morning and brush your teeth, feel for the toothbrush, paste...try to put your glasses/lenses on...get dressed...eat breakfast...and see how long you can keep your thoughts going for.

Once those thirty seconds are up, open your eyes and APPRECIATE!! You actually CAN see! And not just anything but so many colors and shapes, sizes and things...you can keep yourself out of danger, make better decisions (how would you decide what to wear in the morning - and make sure you took out the right color shoes for whatever you chose to wear that day) and your life is so much sweeter and so much better...all because you can see!!!

Take some time to think about this and realize what a gift you have - there are people who are not blessed with the gift of sight and would pay any amount of money to be able to see for just a day! And every morning you wake up and the whole world is in front of you! You come home from a long day and you can see where each thing in your house is, you can see the delicious food you eat, you can see the beauty of nature, you can see yourself in the mirror!!

You have two eyes that work perfectly - better than any camera you'll ever find!

Spend some time thinking about this awesome gift you've been given - by Hashem, your father who loves you so much and wants you to enjoy your life and be happy and thank Him for the good He has given you!!!

Chanukah - What is Bitachon?

HaRav Mattisyahu Salomon Shlita, recently provided fundamental introductory words to the Yom Tov of Chanukah. Chanukah teaches us yesodos, basics, in bitachon. With the mighty falling into the hands of the weak, the many losing battle after battle to the few, a little bit of oil lasting eight days, we learn that natural law, statistics and probability are not relevant to the Ba’al bitachon. What happened in the past is by no means determinative that the same will happen again in the future. On the other hand, bitachon in Hashem does not mean that we are confident that whatever we want to happen will happen. What is bitachon?

The Rabbeinu Yonah teaches that bitachon is hope. When statistics say that something is impossible, K’lal Yisroel still has hope, for Hashem can do anything. What we simply do not know is if Hashem, as the HaTov and HaMaitiv wants it to happen. We don’t know and often cannot see the Tov in events that occur. This is where the next step in bitachon comes in. We believe that notwithstanding our subjective hope, what really happens is all good. One may have davened for what he thought was good for him, but when the opposite occurred, Hashem indicated that in reality what he davened for was not the best for him. When we properly exercise our bitachon, we do not know what the outcome will be, for it depends on the Cheshbonos of the Ribbono Shel Olam.

Chanukah teaches that “Ain Od Melvado-there is nothing but His Will” is really the metziyus, the reality. In everyday life, this is hidden by nature, but in special moments (such as Chanukah and Purim, and perhaps other special times in a person’s life), Hashem makes it visible. It was a clear statistical impossibility for thirteen people (no matter how able bodied they were) to defeat tens of thousands. Hashem willed otherwise-and the rest is history that we celebrate -which reignites the flame of bitachon within us every year.

HaRav Salomon continues with a beautiful teaching of HaRav Chaim Volozhiner, Z’tl (in Sefer Ruach Chaim to Avos 2:4). There, HaRav Chaim brings the famous Kepital in Tehillim (23)--”Hashem Roii Lo Echsar-Hashem is my shepherd-I will lack nothing.” Dovid HaMelech compares himself to a sheep whose whole existence depends on the shepherd. He leads them in a way that they won’t be injured-all is for their benefit even if they have no understanding. Dovid HaMelech teaches us all to follow the shepherd and feel secure, for even if one may be tired and harassed, he can have full confidence that the shepherd is leading him in the path that is really best. Sometimes we see the good, but often it is not visible. Knowing this, the Shivtecha-the stick that hits me, and Mishantecha-the stick that I lean upon, are really the same stick. Thus, Heimah Yenachamuni-they together assuage me because I have bitachon that everything is LeTova-for the good-for it all comes from the One who is All Good.

At the end of this week's Parsha, Parshas Vayeisheiv, Yosef HaTzaddik places some eminently justifiable reliance on the Sar Hamashkim-after all that he did for him. However, the end was, as the last word of the Parsha testifies-Vayishkacheihu-and he forgot him. [On the other hand, Dovid Hamelech exclaims-V’shavti Bevais Hashem L’Orech Yomim-I look to nothing else and to no one else, other than dwelling together with Hashem for length of days.] With this, Yosef learned that our hallmark for survival in galus among all those around us who in fact do us a favor if they only ‘forget us’-is looking to Hashem for anything and everything. The lesson learned is quickly brought into practice in next week’s Parsha as Yosef starkly and clearly advises Paroah, Biladai-it is not me, it is Hashem who makes all determinations and all decisions, and it is to Him that we must turn-in all dreams, and in all realities!

(Taken from a recent Hakhel post.)

Chanukah - Lighting Our World

If you are trying to see this video in google reader and it doesn't show up, come straight to the blog to see it - it's worth it!

He's Holding My Hand - a Poem

This poem was written by Tzipi Caton, author of Miracle Ride and was posted with her permission.

Some things, they just go wrong,
And there's no logic as far as you can see.
Some of us cry, some of us don't,
But most of us ask, "Why me?"

But there is logic behind it all,
A reason for our tears.
And the only one who knows that secret,
Is Hashem, who really cares.

It’s like this mashal I once heard,
That sort of helped me understand,
Where Hashem is compared to our father,
And we're compared to children in his hands.

You see, when a child is with his father,
He doesn't look if it's okay to cross the street,
He can just close his eyes and take his father's hand,
Then follow in the lead.

Because a child trusts his father implicitly,
He knows he'll never be lead astray.
I know that He'll look out for the dangers that I might miss,
And then he'll lead the way.

If we follow our father, Hashem,
He'll lead us on a direct path.
And then we find that our that our questions may be answered,
Before they're even asked.

Of course we all have the option,
Of letting go, and taking our own lead.
Though it's so much easier to rely on a father,
Who takes care of all our needs.

But every father has his secrets,
That is understood.
And some of these things should be kept hidden,
It's all for his child's good.

Yes, every child will sometimes get hurt,
It's just something we can't understand.
But in the end it'll all be okay,
If we keep hold of our father's hand.

This mashal gave me a bit of knowledge,
That brought tremendous relief.
I now know that it's not about understanding,
But just a matter of belief.

inspiration for chanuka:)

Making a Deal With G-d?

The following question was submitted anonymously using the form on the right.

Are you allowed to make deals with G-d?

I'm not that close enough to Him to be able to tell you what is and what is not allowed. This is not something I've seen written in a halacha sefer - "One may/may not make deals with Hashem for things s/he specifically wants." I will just suggest to you that there is a certain way to live life in which you will come out feeling happy and not upset when things do not work out the way you would like them to.

Why would a person want to make a deal with G-d? Partly because they want to feel like they are in control. Hashem, I'll do this and then you'll do that, deal? [Shake hands] But it doesn't work that way. Hashem is not your friend who you can just make deals with and then hope He will pull through at the end, as long as you kept your side of the deal. Hashem is the One and Only G-d who created the world and all that is in it - so it's only normal that there are going to be things that happen that you may not understand. It's something that as difficult as it is to accept, makes so much sense. How could a human being who is so limited understand the ways of Hashem?!

Did you read this post that I recently re-posted on the blog? It explains this concept really well - how Hashem is so beyond us that it is just impossible for us to understand His ways.

Making deals with Hashem will only lead to disappointment. The reason for this is that sometimes you will see Him "pulling through" and doing His side of the deal and other times you will see that He wont. If you tell Hashem, "I'm going to give x amount of money to tzeddakah and you make sure that I will have xyz happen to me." Hashem may have a reason why it is not good for xyz to happen to you. So if you give the tzeddakah (or make any other change in your life) and then you don't see the yeshuah you wanted, you will be frustrated and upset. And what about the times it does "work"? It's possible that the thing you wanted was good for you at that specific time and Hashem gave it to you - and you would have gotten to that point whether or not you would have made that deal with Him.

What's important to focus on is being a good Jew. Improving your middos. Watching the way you speak. Fixing up your tefillah. Being happy for other people when good things happen to them. Bringing Hashem into your life. Focusing on the good things you have. Strengthening your emunah and trust in Hashem that all He does is for the best.

There's no guarantee that the specific things you want to happen will happen to you but one thing is for sure. If you are constantly trying, striving to be better, you will be a happier person - regardless of whether you get those things you so desperately wanted - because you will know that Hashem loves you and only has good things in mind for you, even if you don't understand it at the moment.

My bracha to you is that you should be able to strengthen yourself to follow Hashem no matter what circumstances you find yourself in and your life should be filled with so much good that you will be too busy thanking Hashem for all you have to focus on making deals with Him!! He should send so much goodness your way that you will be overwhelmed with gratitude for all the blessings you have!

Please can the one who asked this question let me know that you read this answer, if it helped and if you still have questions about what I wrote. Thanks!

Names and Titles

The following question was submitted anonymously using the form on the right.

Why do we call the Avos or others from tanach by their first names and we call our Rabbis by a respectful title?

What a great question! I love hearing the questions you readers have and seeing how you think things through! You sound like someone who has a true desire to give the proper respect to all people - that is a middah we should all learn from and try to emulate!
Although I have not seen a source for this answer, I am taking the liberty to write up an answer that I thought of on my own.

Our Avos are called with the title father, Avraham Avinu, Yitzchok Avinu and Yaakov Avinu. This should remind us that they can be compared to our father in a very real way. We can and should learn practical lessons for life from the things we read about them in the Torah. Hashem wrote each thing down for a reason - because there is a message for us, the future generations to take from what happened.

They are not meant to be Avos in an unrealistic way. We are supposed to be able to view them as our REAL fathers. The things they went through and the challenges they endured are meant to give us strength - that we can go through these things too.

I remember when I was in Eretz Yisroel davening at Me'oras Hamachpeila, the place where Adam and Chava, Avraham and Sarah, Yitzchok and Rivka, Yaakov and Leah, are buried. It was such an overwhelming feeling when it hit me that this is where they are really buried! This is the place where our Avos - the ones we heard all those stories about - they are HERE! It's not just a joke, it's a REAL THING!! And then I thought about the different things I learned about them in the past, in school, things I've read about their nisyonos...and I davened, I said, "Hashem, please, give those people who are struggling with the same things our Avos struggled with, give them strength to go through and overcome their challenges..." I thought about each of the Avos and Imahos - Avraham and Sarah had so much to deal with - waiting for children, having to raise two different children - Yitzchok and Yishmoel...the Avos dealt with so many challenges that people in our generation are going through - shidduchim, parnassa (Yitzchok and the wells - every time he dug underground and found water, he was chased away and had to start all over again...) think about what each of our forefathers went through and realize that this is not just some story that we learn year after year - this is something real and true that happened!! And this should help us realize that Hashem gives us the strength to overcome any challenge we might face - because He has been with us from the beginning!! And He will be with us throughout our lives - there will never be a time that He wont be with us!!

So perhaps this is one of the messages you can take from the fact that we call our Avos by their names - this makes it much more personal and closer to our hearts. They were our fathers and we can learn from the things that happened to them, gather strength to go through our challenges - because Hashem will pull us through each time!

Another thing is that maybe our generation needs to call our own Rabbis by more respectful titles so that we respect them more. If we look back towards our Avos, of course we will view them respectfully and on a much higher level than us! But the Rabbis in our generation, we might think to ourselves that they are just like us (or almost on our own level). So we need to call them by respectful titles not for them - but for ourselves. So that we always remember to honor them, treat them properly and never to forget that they are much higher than we are and much greater than we are and they deserve the respect that we give them.

I hope this helps you!
Also, please can the person who submitted this question comment to let me know that you read this answer and if you still have a question about what I wrote?
Thanks!

Shabbos Candles

(This was posted before... Enjoy!)

When Shabbos comes, after all the hours of preparation and last minute rush, the mother of the house lights Shabbos candles. She says the bracha, covers her eyes and begins to daven. This special time of welcoming Shabbos into our homes is used as an opportunity to ask Hashem for good children. It is also a chance to ask Hashem for anything and everything. When your mother lights candles, you can also stand there with her and daven for your own personal needs. Daven for other people who have not yet experienced the beauty of yiddishkeit. Daven for people you know who need health, shidduchim, yeshuos, parnassah, shalom bayis. Daven for those neshamos who have left the path of Torah and that they should want to come back to Hashem.

There is a special holiness in the Shabbos candles. The neshama is compared to a candle because just like when you hold a candle in your hands, whichever way you turn it, the flame will always go upwards, a neshama always seeks to strive higher and get closer to Hashem. No matter which way you turn it-no matter what situation a person is in, their neshama always screams from inside-it wants to get closer to Hashem!

When Shabbos comes, we are given an extra neshama-a neshama yeseira. This is why Shabbos is a day where we can achieve higher levels of ruchniyus. It can be compared to a balloon. When you blow it up, there is more room in it. On Shabbos, Hashem blows this extra neshama into you and that is why you can grow even more on Shabbos-if you use the time you have to come closer to Him.

Also, on Shabbos, Hashem says, I want you to enjoy all the goodness and brachos I put into this world. Make extra special foods! Buy things you like to eat and enjoy all the pleasures that I have put in to this world and then, THANK ME for the great things I gave you!! Hashem wants us to enjoy Shabbos! He wants us to be happy! He wants us to use the brachos He gave us to come closer to Him and thank Him for all the good things He gave us!!

Spend time with your friends, read something you enjoy and relax! It is your day!!

When Shabbos is over, we also light a candle. The extra neshama-which is compared to a candle-leaves us. I was once at someone's house for Shabbos and right before the father came home for havdalah, their little boy, who must have been about 5 years old had this sad look on his face, held his heart and said, "Mommy, I'm so sad, I feel my neshama yeseirah leaving me!!" Imagine that! The innocence and purity of a little child! He was able to picture it and really let the feeling into his heart!! Isn't that precious?

So this Shabbos, when the candles are lit, take a few moments to daven for yourself, your future and for all the people you know who need yeshuos!

Suffering? You must be kidding!!

Chaya Sara posted this once before - I'm posting it here now because I think it has a great message. Take it in!!

This is one cute idea on a new twist to suffering!!

A man went to the barber shop to have his hair cut and his beard trimmed. As the barber began to work, they talked about so many different subjects. When they eventually touched on the subject of Hashem the barber said:"I dont believe that Hashem exists."

"Why do you say that?" asked the customer.

"Well, you just have to go out in the street to realize that Hashem doesn't exist. Tell me, if Hashem would be real would there be so many sick people? Would there be abandoned children? If Hashem existed, there would be neither suffering nor pain. I can't imagine a loving father would allow all of these things."

The customer thought for a moment, but didn't respond because he didn't want to start an argument. The barber finished his job and the customer left the shop. Just after he left the barber shop, he saw a man in the street with long, stringy hair and an untrimmed beard. He looked dirty and unkempt.
The customer turned back and entered the barber shop again and he said to the barber, "You know what? Barbers do not exist."

"How can you say that?" asked the surprised barber. "And I just worked on you!!"

"No!" the customer exclaimed. "Barbers don't exist because if they did, there would be no people with dirty long hair and untrimmed beards, like the man outside."

Ah but Barbers do exist!!

"What happens is, people do not come to me."

"Exactly!" affirmed the customer. "Thats the point! Hashem too does exist! What happens is people don't go to him and do not turn to him for help."

He is ready to "cut your beard" you just did not go in and ask him!! (Hashem is the best barber he trims away your pain its soo good!!)

As you turn to Hashem and have a real heart to heart talk with him you will feel some of the pain leaving you!! Bec. you are going to the One who can cure everything!!
How do I do this??
Take a walk by yourself or go into a room where you can be alone and just start with one min. "Hashem you know i had a hard day today... my teacher yelled at me, telling me i am irresponsible bec. I did not have my work with me"....or I upset my mother this morning and now I am in such a bad mood!! (def. not you maybe your friend you could tell this too... you never have a hard day!! just kidding) so now wait for Hashem to answer you...
maybe someone will call you at night and say please can you babysit for me I need someone like you who is very responsible... now you see hashem made her say these words to make you feel better, just bec. you did not have your work does not mean that you are forever labled irresponsible...
Or when you come home you help your mother with a smile and she totally forgets about the morning... she says thank you soo much for your help...now you feel soo much better.(by the way when you leave from beg. of the day till end, people forget how they were in a bad mood over a small tiny thing!)
so these are the messages that we have to look out for so that when we come to him we will see Hashem really being there for us!!
this def. does not do justice to real suffering its just a cute idea!!

The message is prob. pretty clear, Hashem wants us to talk to him and ask him to help us so that he could be there for us in our pain! well someone might say, Hashem is the one who gives me the pain why should I want turn to him??? Don't we all at times feel like, Hashem why are you doing this to me??? Where are you when I need you the most? However we have to look for him and notice all the little things that he does. When you actually sit down and have a conversation with Hashem the way you talk to a friend you will feel so much lighter! how? bec. HASHEM HAS A STORAGE BOX WHERE HE TAKES AWAY PAIN FROM PEOPLE AFTER YOU SHARE IT WITH HIM HE TAKES IT AND STORES IT AWAY AND YOU DONT FEEL THE PAIN HALF AS STRONG AS BEFORE!!
If you open up your heart and your mind to hear the messages that hashem is sending you, you can hear them for real.
Live your life with your eyes wide open not just to look, but to look and see
what messages has Hashem sent to me!!

A Mother's Tears

Yair Eitan’s father ran a produce distribution business in Northern Israel. When Yair was old enough, he began driving the delivery truck. One of his regular deliveries was at Yeshivah Lev V’Nefesh, whose student body was primarily comprised of baalei teshuvah. Yair’s parents had carefully shielded him from his religion; his upbringing was strictly secular.

The joy and excitement Yair saw within the yeshivah walls aroused his curiosity. He allowed himself to be drawn into conversation with a few yeshivah students. On his third trip there, Yair was already sitting down for a few minutes to sample Torah study. When Yair finally told his parents what he had discovered in the yeshivah, his father became enraged.
"No son of mine is going to become a backward, bearded chareidi! You are no longer to deliver to that route and you are forbidden to visit that yeshivah, or any other yeshivah, ever again!"

Yair knew that one must obey one’s father, except when a parent explicitly commands a child to disobey the Torah. He continued to clandestinely visit the yeshivah. But his father found out, and he reacted violently. Yair, however, was determined. He inquired as to other available yeshivos, left a note wishing his parents well, and left without revealing his destination.

His father searched for him and forced him to return home. Not only that, he blamed the Rosh Yeshivah of Lev V’Nefesh and filed charges against him of brainwashing his 18-year-old son and of engineering his flight from home. The trial aroused great interest, and the trial date found a packed courtroom eagerly awaiting to hear the proceedings. Yair’s testimony did not help the prosecution at all. Yair insisted that he had not been coerced to attend the yeshivah; it was of his own volition.

While Yair was recounting his story, the judge presiding over the case, an elderly man, seemed a bit distracted. He would intermittently take his eyes off the speaker to gaze intently at Yair’s father. When Yair left the witness stand, the judge announced, "I would like Mr. Eitan to step forward."

Yair’s father was surprised as he stepped up to the witness stand. The judge asked if he was of Eastern European descent, if his name back in Europe was perhaps "Stark". Mr. Eitan was clearly taken aback, and he stammered that the judge was indeed correct. "And are you originally from Pinsk?" asked the judge. Mr. Eitan nodded meekly.

The judge continued, "I remember you well. You come from one of the finest homes of pre-War Pinsk. Your father was a deeply religious and highly respected man. Your mother was renowned for her kindness. She would cook meals for the poor and the sick regularly. I remember well when, as an 18-year-old, you openly departed from your parents’ ways. When you publicly desecrated the Shabbos for the first time, your father aged overnight and seemed to be constantly in mourning. Your mother would shed a river of tears every Friday night when she lit the candles. I often wondered what became of all her tears. I’m not the most religious person, but I know that there is a G-d who runs this world, and I could not understand how the tears of so righteous a woman could be ignored in Heaven.

"Today my question has been answered. I see that her tears were not shed in vain. Today, almost 50 years later, her grandson has returned to the ways of his ancestors. Mr. Eitan, I’m sure you recall that on more than one occasion, friends of your parents pleaded with you that for your parents’ sake you should at least refrain from public transgression. As I recall, your response was, ‘I’m now eighteen and I make my own decisions. I can live my life any way I please.' And you dare to file charges because your eighteen-year-old son has returned to the ways that you abandoned?”

“Case dismissed.”