Why Do Good People Die Young - Part 1

This was posted once before but a comment on a previous post promted me to put this up here for you to read again.

Someone asked the following question: Stories like those you write of your brother do the opposite of inspiring me. they frustrate me to no end. its the very picture of tzaddik v'ra lo. there are times i read stories like these and i feel almost sure that being too good,too holy is a sure way to shorten your life. you read the obituaries in the papers and they are full of young righteous people. your brother did everything right. i'm sure he earned arichut yamim, so why didn't he get too see 16? i don't find any peace in hearing its hashem's will. that kind of answer reminds me of when i was a kid and my mother would tell me "because i said so, thats why" . its a throw away answer and leaves me no wiser than before i asked. if a boy like this didn't have the zechutim to save him, if the couple in dubai didn't have the zechutim to save them, if talia applebaum didn't have the zechuyot to save her, what hope is there for us regular folks? why should God grant me life and not them? I'm sorry if this rubs salt on a wound but i need to know.

I thought it would be important for me to ask this question to someone a little bit more knowledgeable than myself, even though I do have what to say to answer this question from my own perspective. The following is what R' Dovid Levine wrote to me but I just want to explain something before posting his answer.

It is difficult to answer this question without knowing the background of the person asking it. There is know way to know what her circumstances are, the level she is on right now and where she is holding hashkafically. Even so, I will post the answer that is somewhat universal and everyone can relate to. (I would recommend reading it a second time because I think there is a lot to gain from rereading all of it.)

Having said all that, here is the first part, a more general answer that he gave me.

I am hesitant answering such questions in writing. You don’t know who the person is, what their background is, their degree of religious practice and knowledge, what pain they are feeling, what their sensitive spots are, in what terms to couch the answer...And much more. Still, you probably must answer since it was asked.

The underlying assumption of this question is that G-d and I are equals, on the same page, able to “understand each other”. Just as I assume I can understand another person, I can understand G-d. If I find fault in my friends actions and choices, I lay the blame at his or her feet. I don’t infer that my reasoning is faulty. This is less than gracious when it comes to my friend (I never have a hard time justifying my own choices, so why don’t I assume my friend has valid reason for his or her decisions?). It is invalid about G-d. My G-d created heaven and earth, and all that is in it. I was not there when He formed earth, and I could never measure the heavens. I don’t know how He made the enormous subterranean force that grinds tectonic plates into one another, raising mountains. I don’t know how those plates float on the liquid core. I don’t know how He made the lava boiling up from under the plates enable life to exist by creating a balance of oxygen and carbon in the atmosphere. And I don’t know why He brings earthquakes that cause massive destruction.

I don’t know how He gathered the seas, or how He keeps them from overflowing the land. I don’t know how He powers tidal flow that is essential for life. I don’t know how He made ice the only substance that expands when it freezes, protecting water-bound life in the winter. And I don’t know why He make tidal waves that sweep away masses of life and beauty.

I don’t know how He makes the sun rises and sets every day. I don’t know how He changes the seasons, and how He gets the animals and plants to match the rhythm of seasonal pattern. I don’t know how He makes the wind blow or the rain fall. And I don’t know why He makes droughts or monsoons or hurricanes or tornadoes that wreck people’s lives.

I have never been to the depths of the sea or even visited all the continents. I didn’t know when I would be born and I don’t know how long I will live.

I couldn’t rotate the earth, much less spin the solar system around the sun, and certainly not swirl this Milky Way galaxy with its hundred-billion stars. (A million seconds is 12 days. A billion seconds is...32 YEARS! To count the stars in our galaxy would take over 3000 years – almost since Matan Torah. And that is just one out of over 200 billion galaxies!) And I can’t coordinate the events of someone’s life.

I don’t know how my heart or liver or kidney work. I can’t scratch the surface of the complexity of DNA. And I don’t know why these systems stop functioning or cause suffering through cancer and break down.

I can’t hunt for a lion or supply food for the birds or cause deer to give birth. I don’t know why some birds sing beautifully and some birds have stunning plumage. I don’t understand why some animals care for their young and some young fend for themselves. I couldn’t decide which animals should eat their offspring, and which animals should feed on their parent’s bodies.

I didn’t make the horse fast or the snail slow. I didn’t make the tiger brave and the sloth timid. I couldn’t make a bird that flies or a fish that swims.

My G-d is greater and wiser than my understanding or yours. If you understand why your G-d decides something and how He carries it out, he is not my G-d. A G-d who always needs to act according to my understanding is not much of a G-d.

This is G-d’s answer to Iyov’s question (which is in essence your question), all the way at the end of the sefer in chapters 38-40.

I don’t accept what G-d does in blind faith. It makes perfect sense to me that a G-d is beyond my grasp, that I should not be able to explain what He does. I don’t believe that is what He wants me to do with my life – spend it pondering the imponderables.

I do know this: G-d has no pleasure from the life or death of the righteous or wicked. If He needs my service, He is not G-d. He gives me life for me, not for him. I don’t know why or how, but since He is infinite and unchanging, it must be for me. I might try to apply some superficial understanding to make going on easier for me to accept, but I must never confuse those flavorings for real reasons or causes. Still, I know it is not for Him, so it must be for my benefit.

My brother was a good boy and he also died at 16. I might try to make it more palatable by saying he was a good person so G-d took him away in place of many others. Maybe yes, maybe no. But I can’t expect to understand why he dies any more than I understand why or how I am alive! I know it was not for G-d’s benefit, so it must have been for us. Good people die and bad people die. And they all die for a good reason – for them to reach their goals and for us to reach our goals. This does not mean I am happy or joyous when they die because I know it is good. That would be cruel and insensitive. It is good because it fulfills G-d’s will, which is finally for the benefit of creation and me. It still hurts. And that too is for the benefit of the purpose of the world. I need to use that pain as well to be successful in my mission. Part of that mission is to increase my knowledge of G-d’s control, unity, and greatness.

Some young people die. Most of us live much longer. Everyone is so confused and tortured by the short life of the few, but no one is too concerned or wonders too much about the long life of the many. I want to know why someone did not wake up on the 5475^th day of his life, but they took 5474 mornings until then for granted. Both are for the same purpose – to know G-d.

You can be good and live long or short, you can be bad and live long or short. I don’t do good because I want to have zechusim to bribe G-d into giving me lots of goodies, whatever I think those goodies might be. I am good because that it the best thing to be. Good happens to good people – that does not mean they have lives of fun and candy. It means they have all the tools to do what they want most – to fulfill their mission in life. Sometimes it is through having a short life. Sometimes it is through living until an old age. Wicked people also get the tools to do what they want – to destroy themselves and others. And they lose the tools to do what they need to do, which is to do good. The Rambam explains all this in the ninth chapter of Hilchos Teshuva.

Our problems begin when we lose site of G-d’s greatness and our deficiency. We want to sit G-d on a couch and psychoanalyze Him and diagnose Him with some human frailty. And them we get angry with Him for acting so badly! G-d is too big for any couch. And he has no needs at all, ever, in any way. Finished. So why do these things happen? For us. For us to accept His judgment and serve Him with. For us to grow with. For us to use for good. That is what Nochum Ish Gamzu meant when he said “Gam zu letovah” – this too is for good – for the perfect good of creation – to know and serve our Great, Mighty, and Awesome G-d.

A Tefillah Straight From the Heart

Look how much Hashem does for us we are soooo lucky!!! lets try to appreciate the gift of life!!!

Davening Poem

Dear Brothers and Sisters,

Davening is not a chore

Davening opens up every door

Davening is not relegated to a certain kind

Davening is simply speaking your mind

Talk to Hashem; He is waiting to hear

Because, to Hashem, YOU are very dear

There is nobody else in the universe but you

And your very own HaKadosh Baruch Hu

Yes, the Yetzer Hara will try to distract

But you must do whatever you can to stay intact

A broken heart, troubles, dismays or a fall

No matter, Your Father is there to answer your call

NEVER despair; no matter how problem ridden

Hashem is SO CLOSE even though He seems hidden

Stand strong. Stand proud. Stand tall

You are a a member of the best nation of all

Find the beauty in yiddishkeit, it's there for every Jew

No matter what happened in the past, you can always start anew

Things may sometimes seem cold, impossible and black

But soon, real soon, your tefillos will bring the good times back

Hashem is collecting each and every tear

And every tefillah that is sincere

Sincerely,

Your Brother

Give a Bracha

Here is a story with a great lesson to learn from this week's parsha - when Yitzchok asked his son Yaakov to bring him something to eat before giving him a bracha.

HaRav Yaakov Neiman, Z’tl (Rosh Yeshiva in Petach Tikvah), was once raising funds in America. He did not know any English, and after having knocked several times on a well-to-do individual’s door without response, he was approached by the person’s neighbor who knew a little bit of Yiddish. HaRav Neiman explained to him as best he could that he had been attempting to contact the person on whose door he had knocked to raise much-needed funds for his Yeshiva. The neighbor welcomed him into his home as a guest, and invited him to stay until he could actually make contact. That evening, he finally contacted by phone the well-to-do individual he had been seeking, and made an appointment with him. HaRav Neiman, when taking leave of his short-term host, asked him “What can I do for you?” The host responded that he would really like to have a child. HaRav Neiman gave him a bracha that within the year, he would have one - and, in fact, he was blessed with a son within the year.

HaRav Chaim Kanievsky, Shlita, upon hearing the story commented that HaRav Neiman’s bracha was fulfilled not only because it was the bracha of a Talmid Chochom, but also because it was a bracha that flowed from a sincere feeling of HaKaras HaTov, sincere gratitude, for what this caring person had done for him. It is for this reason, HaRav Kanievsky continues, that Yitzchak Avinu had requested his son to bring him good food prior to giving him a blessing, so that the blessing would be all the more powerful.

We are all faced with situations every day - in the home, at work, in the store, and even in Shul - where we are either the giver, or the recipient of good bestowed upon us by another. While it may be bolder for someone who has done a favor or helped someone out to ask his recipient for a heartfelt bracha, it most certainly would be in order for the recipient to initiate the blessing, and give a bracha to the giver for something that he knows is needed.

We all know that negative words have reverberating affects in celestial spheres (See Introduction to Sefer Chofetz Chaim). Since Hashem’s “Middah Tova” (attribute of reward) is much greater than His Midas Puraniyos (attribute of punishment), we can very readily assume that a bracha of one person to another in this world has even more powerful effects in the Heavens than the words of lashon hara or negative speech.

Undoubtedly, the brachos and the compliments one person gives to another pleases HaKadosh Baruch Hu greatly. Making the effort to unite, to make another feel good, simply to wish another to be successful and well, is a simple, but essential, step in the bringing of the geulah, our final redemption. It is important to note, however, that Shlomo HaMelech, the wisest of all men, takes us a step further, as he teaches, “Simcha L’Ish B’Maaneh Feev…-A man has joy with the response of his mouth” (Mishlei 15:23). When one speaks in a loving and appreciative tone, blessing others in a way that he himself would like to be blessed, it is the speaker himself, who will feel the joy and contentment in his very own words…it is the giver who feels a sense of accomplishment and of G-dliness, as he emulates Hashem’s ways!

(Taken from yesterday's Hakhel post.)

Comforting Mourners

I went to make a shiva call today and was really nervous about it. Someone I work with lost her brother very suddenly this past week. He was just 23 years old and wasn't even married yet. Going back to a shiva house always brings back memories, makes my stomach churn and my heart stop...

Even though I was so nervous about going, it Baruch Hashem went really well. As soon as i told her that I also lost my brother who was younger then me I was able to almost see her heart melting!! Like the fact that she saw that I went through something similar all of a sudden made her listen to the things I was saying and I felt like I could really talk to her from my heart - on a whole different level! It's amazing how Hashem made that if someone goes through something they could relate to other people going through the same kind of thing and the other person is so much more open to what the person has 2 say!

I told her some things people had said to our family when we were sitting shiva that I knew felt comforting. As I spoke, I saw her eyes getting teary...I almost felt like I would burst out crying a few times while I was there but I held myself back even though my heart was totally aching just to be there.

She passed around some pictures of her brother from when he was younger and at his bar mitzvah - he was such a happy and cute boy! So I told her and her mother that these pictures bring such comfort because all a parent wants is for her child to be happy and you see you did yours - he was happy!

And then I told her some other things...and I thought I would walk out of there bawling but surprisingly I felt so much better after! Even though of course I was teary eyed when I left but I didn't feel "down" I felt okay.

Baruch Hashem it was better than I expected, especially since I don't know her so so well, just here and there but I had really wanted to go because I felt I could relate to the pain she is in...Hashem is so good! He gave me the ability to comfort someone else somewhat while she is in pain - and only because I went through something similar!!

And yes, it does hurt every time I have a little reminder about my brother. The pain goes away but it comes back again from time to time. But when someone else goes through a loss and it's someone I know or I have to go to a shiva house then it all starts to come back to me...

Her brother also had a freaky story - it was a real shock to the family because he was 100% fine and then on Shabbos he got a virus, then he stopped breathing and then collapsed. Hatzalah came but there was nothing they could do! They now have a medical term for it, they call it "walking pneumonia" - but really it's just something that cannot be explained, could not have been prevented and there's nothing anyone could do except just accept that this is what Hashem wanted.

So I mentioned something that I've written here before. When Hashem gave the malach hamaves his job, he did not want to take it because he said that everyone will always look down at him. So Hashem said, don't worry, whenever you take someone's life, people wont even notice that it's you because they will be so busy figuring out the story and blaming everyone else...they'll forget that it's really you who is behind it. And that's what happens - we blame the doctors, the sickness, the car...without realizing that when someone's time is up and when something is meant to happen, it will happen! If you really look at this story, there's no way to explain it! This boy's time was up and there was nothing that could be done! We can blame the virus, give it a medical term but the truth is that it was his time...

It's so sad but Hashem has His reasons why He does things and we don't understand. This boy fulfilled his mission in this world and now it's time for him to get rewarded for all the good things he did while he was alive! We should all take a message from this to take advantage of the time we have while we are alive in this world and do the best we can and the most we can...because a person never knows when their last moment will be!

I was also so amazed by the mother, how she had such strength to say, "Hashem gave us a gift and now he decided it was time to take him back..." which yes we believe it's true that our time in this world is a gift but to hear it from someone going through something so difficult, in the midst of her pain, that is amazing and that is inspiring!!

May we be able to learn from this story and take the message so that this will be the last tragedy we hear about. The next thing we should hear is the shofar of moshiach so that we can have techiyas hameisim and all families, parents, children, brothers and sisters will be reunited!

The Power of Tefillah

Here is an amazing story I just read - read it and be inspired!! You see the power of davening for other people when you are in pain and how much your little tefillah can accomplish! Use any little pain (a headache, toothache, stomachache, cold...) to turn to Hashem and ask Him to spare someone else from a painful experience and bring them their yeshuah! If you are sick, daven for people who need shidduchim, health, children, livelihood...and may your tefillos be answered! I was going in for my fifth c-section and I was terrified! I imagined all the worst incidences in all past four c-sections amplified and rolled into my upcoming operation. I decided to phone Susan, a good friend of mine who was also a repeated c-section case for her support. Susan had been through a lot, and thus was able to see things in perspective and offer sage advice. In fact, after her second c-section she was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. Baruch Hashem, after much prayer, and a year of heart wrenching treatment she was proclaimed cancer free. Unfortunately though, the drugs that they had used were so strong, that she was told that there was only a 10% chance that she would be able to become pregnant again. After she had given me the necessary support she asked me "So what are you going to do with the pain?" I wasn't quite sure what she was referring to... "I guess grin and bear it" I replied "No", she answered, "Please pray for me. Each time there is pain please pray that Hashem will give me more children." I was quite taken aback at her request. "Who I am to pray for this woman? I am just little old me?" But then I heard her words echoing in my head "There is nothing to do with the pain, its going to be there anyway. So you might as well use it for something worthwhile..." And so it was. Throughout the surgery and recovery period, each time there was pain, I pleaded that Hashem should allow her miraculously to have more children. And yes, 2 weeks after the circumcision of my son, she was pregnant! Just before her third c-section, Susan phoned me for support. "What about the pain?" she asked, "I am so nervous about it". "Susan," I replied "why not find someone to pray for each time there is pain. You and I both know that it's going to be there anyway, so you might as well use it for something positive." "But who am I?" Susan retorted, "I am not anyone grand - I'm just little old me" While Susan was in treatment for her cancer, she had met a woman named Sarah who also was diagnosed with end stages cancer. Baruch Hashem, Sarah had survived, but she was told that due to the strength of the drugs, that already in her late 20's she had started to go into premature menopause, and therefore would never be able to have more children. And so it was. Throughout her c-section and recovery period, Susan, prayed with all her might that Sarah should be able to have children. Two weeks after Susan's son's circumcision Sarah was miraculously pregnant! Yes, Hashem listens to even "little old me"... You don't have to be great for Hashem to listen to your pleas... Taken from Traditions of Kindness

Thank you divrei chizzuk.com for this incredile post!! you will get such a great feeling in thanking hashem&seeing extra brachos in ur life!!

I Heard a beautiful shiur about how all problems come from complaining feeling depressed, feeling down, crying for nothing. How Bnei Yisrael complaining and crying is the tikun we have to fix. How one has to thank Hashem for everything He does for us.
Then he spoke how people had problems (all kinds) and tried to just focus on thanking Hashem for 2 weeks and saw such help from above. Problems were solved and wonderful things were happening. Let us all try for the next 2 weeks just to focus on thanking Hashem for everything we have and what he has given us, include everything you can think of that Hashem put in the world. Look around and just thank Hashem no matter how small or how big it seems. Thank Hashem and say Gam Zu L'tova and put your trust in Him, believe in Hashem.As we are working on ourselves on saying THANK YOU TO HASHEM!!!
Here is a another thing I heard from the shiur. When one thanks Hashem all the windows in Hashem's palace are opened and Hashem pours down on that person yeshuos, hashem tells the melachaim send that person more and more,without the person even having to ask for it. But when a person cries for nothing is misyaesh feeling down complainig not happy all the windows in Hashem's palace are closed. That is what brings all the problems. Just keep thanking Hashem!!!!

How to be a ''CAN DO'' person.
“I was feeling down so I went to a class on the Torah approach to happiness. The young rabbi spoke well, and he was quite interesting, but when you’re not into something it is hard to take it seriously. He spoke about what he called ‘The Happiness Game’, which he said was a powerful tool for getting out of sad moods and staying upbeat. ‘All you have to do,’ he said with conviction, ‘is make a continuous list of your blessings that you add to each day, starting with the most obvious things in life, like your eyes, for example, and then your nose, etc. … because for everything you have there are people who don’t, so they count as blessings. And you keep adding to the list every time you can think of something for which to be grateful, even if it seems so obvious to you. There is some kind of psychological thing,’ he explained, ‘about seeing so many blessings on a single page or in a single book. It just lifts you,’ he finished. Personally, I didn’t think his little psychology game had much merit, at least not for me, so after the class I just forgot all about it. But, my situation worsened, and over the weeks I became more desperate for anything to lighten my mood. So, just to say I tried everything, I started playing his ‘Happiness Game’ and to my utter surprise it began to work for me instantly … and it just kept getting better. Even when I wasn’t adding to the list I felt the comfort of my blessings everywhere I went. When bad thoughts came to me to bring me down, remembering my list would lift me up again. I had great pleasure just reviewing the list over a cup of coffee, and it never got boring. There is this magical effect that keeps it alive and real for me, as if my emotions have a soft spot for it or something. After a while, I stopped adding to the list because the list became me. I may have forgotten many of the items, but I always feel as if I have everything to be grateful for, and feel no threat of depression anymore. And, I can always review the list …”
This is the other end of the continuum. On one side we have to believe that we’re going to get what we want and succeed at what we are trying to do. We have to be bota’ach — trust — in God and remember that nothing stands in the way of bitachon (Sha’arei Leshem, p. 114). Nothing
And He doesn't "do" just for some people, He is ready, willing, and able, to "do" for each and every Jew on this earth! But people have grown distant from Him, and have forgotten how to speak with Him. So I can tell you: Just talk to HaShem in your own words, your own language. He's the Creator of all language, He understands them all! Tell Him that you love Him, and want to get closer. Tell Him that you need whatever it is you need.
Rebbetzin Kamenetsky has tells people often that when I thank HaSHem for something He has done for me I am remiss if I do not immediately ask Him for something else.
She says- He loves to be asked for things!!!!
keep thanking Hashem & say over and over
"Hashem loves when I ask Him for things.

Preparing for Shabbos

Here is a beautiful thought on preparing and getting ready for Shabbos by the Skulener Rebbe, Z’tl.
There are three possibilities in the performance of chessed:

• As we see from the thoughts and actions of Avraham Avinu, one who
  actively seeks and pursues chessed, looking in the distance for opportunities, and not resting on laurels or being complacent with past and even significant accomplishments.
• One who properly and meticulously performs chessed, but only when the opportunity arises, such as the knock at the door-giving a respectable amount, b’Sever Panim Yafos.
• One who does not utilize every chessed opportunity, and does not like “getting caught” in a chessed, but instead does chessed “in his way” and “at his time.”

Obviously the chessed of our forefather Avraham is the #1 enhanced and preferred method. With this in mind, the Skulener Rebbe looks to the zemiros that many of us sing on Friday night: “Dorshei Hashem Zerah Avraham Ohavo HaMe’achrim Latzeis Min HaShabbos U’Memeharim Lavo - seekers of Hashem descendents of Avraham His beloved, who delay parting from Shabbos and rush to enter.” The Rebbe queries, what does rushing to enter or delaying to leave the Shabbos have to do with the fact that we are descendents of Avraham His beloved?! He beautifully looks to the three levels of chessed performance, and compares them to our Shabbos performance as well:

“There are those, like Avraham Avinu, who look out for shabbos well in advance, beginning preparations to enhance the shabbos earlier on in the week - What do I need to buy? What do I need to clean? What do I need to prepare? Is there anything that happened last Shabbos that I have to improve upon or make sure that it does not happen again? What do I need to learn this shabbos?

This enhanced level of preparation, U’Memeharim Lavo,is a mark of the progeny of Avraham Avinu, and labels one as an especial Doresh Hashem as described in the zemiros.

The second level of shabbos preparation, with almost everything left for Erev Shabbos, and much especially left for the hours close to shabbos, is comparable to the second level of chessed in which the Mitzvah is properly performed, but lacks the grand level of excellence attributable to our forefather.

The third level, of course is the person who does not seem to get it all together on time and is “caught by the bell” (or the siren), having done what he could under the circumstances, but entering into and experiencing shabbos with something lacking, just as the one not recognizing or properly dealing with the chessed opportunities that have presented themselves to him….

We are coming off the very shabbos in which we witnessed Avraham Avinu’s anticipation and earnestness in pursuit of Chesed. It is up to us, teaches the Skulener Rebbe, to take the lesson to heart for shabbos kodesh and to look out, put additional thought, effort, and action into enhancing the coming Shabbos early-on.

Perhaps the best way to demonstrate that we are the descendants of Avraham Avinu is by following his great and active lead, as we look out for Shabbos, and begin to prepare for it with love!

(Taken from yesterday's Hakhel post)

shabbos is the exact same message as he is sharing with us abt. yom tov...its really cool shabb.is our loving relationship with hashem he comes home2u

see how the soldiers are going out to war,they know that the only thing that will save them is hashem himself ..they feel shema may u feel it too!!